About a month ago I gave some early gameplay impressions about the full release of Omega Strikers as a sort of follow-up to my beta impressions of Omega Strikers, and wanted to provide more avenues for discussion for a few reasons:

1. Players (including myself) have learned a lot about how the new mechanics work, which has shifted some of my opinions about the new mechanics and I've learned how to use the mechanics and have played with others that have learned how to use the mechanics. As a result, some of my opinions about those subjects are now outdated, other points I can elaborate on, and even more points are things that were present before but not things I recognized after my previous post.
   
2. Some issues I had during the beta I could not assess properly during the short time frame between the full launch and the time I posted my previous feedback, and I have a lot more time to assess how the current state of the game affects these beta problems.
   
3. New content got released, and I can give feedback and opinions on those topics.
   

Without further ado, I would like to share with you some of my opinions on the state of the game as of May 2023.

Beta Problems Revisited

There were a few issues I had during the beta that I couldn't accurately address during my previous post due to not having enough experience with the game in that stage, and wanted to do a quick rundown of those changes here:
Teamplay I believed was a big problem during the beta because there weren't numerical rewards for playing with your team and it was very easy to prevent the goalie from playing the game from the start with the right setup. There still aren't numerical rewards for teamplay, but there are other changes in the right direction: participation awards for dealing a lot of damage are gone from the MVP screen, and the inability to build entirely for damage from the start makes it extremely difficult to bully the goalie and prevent them from playing the game. There still aren't incentives for playing as a team, but there are much fewer mechanics discouraging players from playing selfishly, and it's also much harder to just carry a game.
At the time I wrote my previous post I had not played ranked, and therefore hadn't seen the new character ban system. The benefit of the new system is that it allows you to adapt your character ban to characters your teammates don't intend on playing and/or characters that the stage and/or awakenings system benefit greatly. There's still a problem where it doesn't take a majority vote when there is a slight majority, but that was a problem with the old system that's still a problem with the new system.

Matchmaking

I believe matchmaking is a big problem right now in basically all formats, although it's slightly different for competitive.
In unranked modes, the lack of skill-based matchmaking makes finding a good match with players of your skill level an absolute chore to find. This is particularly problematic for new players, who go into an unranked match, get matched with 5 other veterans, and not get to play the game, as well as experienced players that get matched with these new players that are effectively playing down a player. Realistically, I don't think it would be a problem if the teams were at least partially balanced in spite of the skill gap, but that's not happening: I had a game where I ended the game twice the combined levels of my teammates, and I couldn't blame either of them because it was very obvious that they were new.
In ranked, there's a slightly different problem. It does do a decent job of matching players of similar skill levels together to a reasonable degree, but it also has a slightly warped idea of a player's skill level. There's a huge skill gap in low plat because it's filled with a mix of mediocre players that climbed just by understanding the game slightly better than the average player and abusing the low-ranked elo gains and mediocre players that understand the game well but either aren't skilled enough to make the higher tiers or have dumb gameplay problems like constantly running into the black hole on Atlas' Lab.

Match Length and Pacing

I still don't like the poor pacing provided by the awakening draft, but I think match length is mostly in a good spot now. Once you learn how to use the new mechanics the games feel just as intense as games during the beta did while also feeling purposeful in a way that matches during the beta didn't.
My only complaint with match length is the timer system. Timers should be there to promote interaction between both teams in the same way real-world sports use their timers to drive interactions between both teams, but right now the 1-minute round timers don't encourage interaction, only make interactions more chaotic when a single round goes on for a while. In addition, I feel like there's a large gap in the length of rounds on different stages, with some stages consistently contributing to longer games than the others, and the current overtime system doesn't help with that. Making timers per-set instead of per-round would fix these issues: the threat of losing a set to time helps drive interaction and reigns in the length of games on stages that consistently go into overtime with the current per-round system.

Energy

During my previous post I couldn't provide an accurate assessment of energy because no one I played with (including myself) had a good grasp of the mechanic. Now that I've played with it a lot more it feels like a really interesting mechanic with so many uses. Evade makes it a lot harder to score KOs against players of your skill level and offers a level of counterplay against extremely large abilities that you otherwise may not be able to avoid. Meanwhile, core burst is an incredibly powerful yet versatile tool that's usable on defense and all forms of offense. It feels really good when you use it to secure a goal or KO but feels even better when you get the perfect read on your opponent's core flip and get a sick play out of it. It also heavily rewards interaction with players in a way that no other mechanic has before, since you can now choose to save your evade for core flip at the expense of your stagger bar or can choose to use your energy to save parts of your stagger bar, which produces a really interesting dynamic between those two resources.

Awakenings

Now that we've had awakenings for a while I think the system is generally fun with a few problems. Balance is out of the scope of this post, but there are still gameplay issues that should be resolved:

• Unstoppable feels like a very poorly designed awakening. All the other awakenings reward you for good play, whether it's by rewarding you for good ability use with Specialized Training, allowing you to make more decisions with your abilities like Prime Time, or by rewarding you for better managing your resources with Swagger Stagger or Orb Sharer. However, Unstoppable does the exact opposite: it rewards you for bad play by allowing you to make all the positioning mistakes you want and not get punished, as long as you aren't staggered and aren't literally scratching your back on the wall.
  
• Infinite awakenings heavily reduce the skill expression within the game. On one hand, a lucky infinite awakening can swing the tide of the match and emphasizes the random nature of the awakenings system instead of promoting the skill expression in adapting to the awakenings you get. On the other hand, the infinite awakening reduces the skill of denying certain awakenings, either when everyone wants the infinite awakening or when a particular awakening is game-warpingly good on a particular character to necessitate denying it.
  
• I personally don't like how the starting awakenings can influence character picks at the start of the game. New players shouldn't be forced to try and learn multiple characters just because the starting awakenings don't affect the character they play, nor should players be forced to play characters they don't enjoy just because the rest of their character pool physically doesn't benefit from certain awakenings. This is particularly problematic if your character pool doesn't have a creation user, which means that there's a 0.17% chance you don't get to play the game with a character you can play if the game gives you Monumentalist and Timeless Creator. That doesn't seem like a particularly large chance, but if you play 1000 games you should expect to see it at least once, and I don't think that chance is fair at all.
  
• Creations I think are problematic for the long-term health of the game not because of the effects the creation awakenings have on creations themselves but because of the strain that creation-improving awakenings have on the awakening system overall. Less than half of this game's characters use creations, and it doesn't seem fair for 5.88% of the pool of awakenings to be reserved for 41.17% of the cast. That said, I don't think the solution is simply to remove creation awakenings without any compensation to creation characters, as I think that would cause large balance issues since most creation characters really like those creation awakenings, but there needs to be a better solution that allows creation users to have their creation improvements while also being usable on other characters to improve their unique attributes.
  
• There's been an emphasis on awakenings that work well together, with Sparks, the new Orb awakenings with Orb Sharer, and (to a lesser extent) Bulk Up and Peak Performance with other stagger increases. However, I think there's a missed opportunity for other awakening synergies, such as Stinger with debuff duration, Adrenaline Rush and Orb Dancer with both buff duration and haste potency, and really leaning into Bulk Up and Peak Performance's stagger scaling by having it scale with bonus stagger (which could be interpreted as stagger from awakenings and the bonus stagger per level or just the stagger from awakenings). There are already interesting awakening synergies in the game that don't work, and some of these should be changed for a more interesting awakening system.
  

Gear

My main complaint with gear is that it's a proactive customization option that's considerably less deep than the system it replaced, which I covered in my previous post. My other complaint with gear is that whether or not the gear interacts with awakenings is inconsistent because Strike Shot scales with projectile range but Siphoning Wand doesn't scale with debuff duration and both Magnetic Soles and Slick Kicks don't scale with buff duration or haste potency. Either Strike Shot shouldn't scale with projectile range or Strike Shot shouldn't be the only gear that scales with awakenings.

Stages

Since the my previous post, I've personally developed a greater understanding of what I think makes a good or bad stage, as well as there being 2 more stages I can form opinions on. I think there are 3 ideas that I think make a stage great:

1. Dynamic gameplay, where the moment-to-moment gameplay changes based on the stage's current features, whether it's the player objectives changing from moment to moment, the stage hazards affecting the gameplay differently throughout the match, or the stage's unique layout changing its gameplay compared to other stages.
   
2. Promotion of teamplay, where coordinating with your teammate(s) is more heavily rewarded than playing by yourself.
   
3. A sliding scale of extremes, where an extreme case of one of the previous 2 ideas can compensate for limitations in the other.
   

With these ideas, I can share better opinions on which stages I like and why I like them.
In spite of constantly running into the black hole on accident Atlas' Lab is my personal favorite map. The black hole is far and away the most dynamic stage hazard, leaving effectively 2 modes of the stage that it flips through constantly but predictably. In addition, some stages have hazards that inhibit teamplay, but Atlas' Lab promotes it because the gravitational pull around the black hole offers new and interesting passing lanes that prevents the problem other stages with centralized hazards have where the centralized obstruction interferes with passes. The goal barriers are decentralized enough to get goalies to move out and away from the center of the goalie box and to get forwards from simply aiming for the goal for the full duration of the match. In addition, getting both goal barriers in a single play is both more satisfying and more consistent on this map than any other. My only complaint is that there isn't a visual for the black hole coming back up.
Night Market I think has the overall most dynamic gameplay experience. The walls limit passing angles, but I think the speed boost makes up for it by making it easy for players to travel through the center to reposition for a pass. However, I think the dynamism of the gameplay experience rests heavily on the interaction between the barriers and the wall. On any other map, these barriers would be the easiest to break because they're large and stretch to the edge of the stage, but the walls make it difficult to pass to the other side and make it extremely practical for the goalie to defend both. However, Night Market's barriers have a unique feature: when one barrier goes down, I think it becomes easier to take down the other barrier because there's a new attack angle for the second barrier that wasn't there until the first one went down. The other stages with 2 barriers make it much harder to take the other barrier when one goes down because they are much smaller and aren't touching at the start of the game. This feature of the barriers I think creates the most compelling pacing of any map, where there's a steady rise in tension as the barriers go down when the other stages either have a dramatic rise in tension when a barrier goes down or has reduced tension when a barrier goes down because the other barrier is so hard to get. Also, the speed boost is the most fun hazard to play with on its own, and helps distract from the lack of teamplay. My biggest complaint is that sometimes, the corners of the barriers are inconsistent, where it feels like sometimes the barriers go down for no reason when it touches the far corners of the barrier, usually when the goalie tries to clear it.
Ahten City I think is the exact opposite of Night Market, where it's the king of teamplay at the comparative expense of a dynamic gameplay experience. The goal barrier is big and wide enough that you're not aiming at it like you're trying to score, which is the bare minimum I would expect a goal barrier to try and do, and the complete lack of stage hazards means there's nothing to inhibit. This means that this stage promotes solid teamplay fundamentals while still putting in the minimum amount of effort to make the gameplay dynamic. My only complaint is the orbs: I think it's really interesting for Ahten City to have more orbs than the other stages to make it more interesting, but the fact that it spawns 6 orbs in 6 different locations when the other 5 stages spawn 3 orbs of 4 different locations means that all the orbs players get are rather predictable. I think it would be a far more interesting stage if it spawned 5 orbs (1 in each goalie box and 3 on the stage) so it at least keeps the consistency of "max orbs -1" of the other stages and to make the gameplay slightly more dynamic as players need to react to different orbs being available throughout the game.
Demon Dais is very interesting because its gameplay novelty hinges heavily around it having the most unique gameplay experience, and it's all thanks to the goal barrier. The goal barrier is so far forward that it forces goalies to play a lot further forward than they would on other stages and allows forwards to play behind their opponent's goal barrier, which isn't possible on any other stage. The speakers don't change much about the gameplay by themselves, but the fact that they grow stronger as the barriers go down makes the moment-to-moment gameplay feel considerably different from other stages. Teamplay is inhibited by the fact that players are clumped together when the barrier is up and not gliding behind it, which makes passing not very rewarding and makes it more likely that opponents will be blocking a passing lane, but that's a fine concession for Demon Dais' gameplay experience.
Oni Village has good teamplay without the dynamic gameplay. It's so difficult to defend both barriers at once that it's considered optimal to let one barrier go down and focus on defending the other barrier, and that other barrier small enough and has so few attack angles that it's much easier to defend than the other barriers. In addition, the speed boost makes it much easier for forwards to help defend the goal barrier than on other maps, and using the wall is hard because the speed boost makes it hard to dribble and provides no room to hit around the goalie. In addition, teamplay isn't as well supported as it is on the other maps because the goal barrier is so small that passes are extremely easy to react to. A lot of players don't like this stage because of how much longer it makes games, and while I think it offers a dynamic gameplay experience and has no hazards to inhibit teamplay I don't think it does either particularly well because of how easy it is to defend that second barrier compared to the barriers on all the other stages.
Ai.mi's App is far and away my least favorite stage. The small, centralized goal barrier centered right in front of the goal means that the objectives of the goalie and forwards don't change throughout the match, and the pit inhibits teamplay just by existing in the same way that the Night Market walls inhibit teamplay. I say this as a Rasmus player, who benefits greatly from this map's features, because I don't like how I'm forced to pick or ban a particular character (even though I do really enjoy the character) and I don't like how his presence single-handedly warps the gameplay on the map itself. I expect changes to Rasmus' Death Touch because of this map, but I also hope this map gets changes in the future because it's honestly the most boring map to play on over long periods of time.

Characters and Micropatches

I don't like touching on game balance in these posts because it produces very poor discussion points that creates chaos in the ensuing discussion as people argue about a character's power level. Same thing with any other aspect of the game. The closest I will get to touching game balance comes from balance philosophy since it's based on more substantial ideas of how a game can and should be balanced rather than any individual balancing decision. I say all that to preface that everything I say in this section is in regards to game design rather than game balance, and don't want to be misinterpreted as wanting changes to any individual characters.
I say all this to say that micropatches are being severely misused. Making balance changes requires data, and the time frame between a patch and a micropatch (or between micropatches in some cases) is not enough time to gather enough data to make informed balance changes. In addition, it's possible that the meta changes without developer intervention, and doing balance changes too quickly can lead to an overreactive change that makes the character substantially better or worse as the perception of the character got better or worse and leads to the character being too strong or weak until the moment the developer decides to change them again. Micropatches are best used when they're primarily used to fix bugs that will improve the gameplay experience for a majority of players, not when they're used for balance changes, and I hope that micropatches are used as such in the future.
In terms of characters, there are two characters that I think have problematic aspects of their design. One of these problems I touched on before, and is based on the interaction between Rasmus and Ai.mi's App. Rasmus is considerably better on Ai.mi's App than any other stage because of how Death Touch interacts with the pit, and has the largest difference in viability between different stages with possibly no close second. While I think it's appropriate for characters to be better on certain stages than others I think Rasmus takes it to an unacceptable extreme, as he warps the gameplay experience so much on that one particular map and it makes it impossible to balance him for other maps without completely breaking him on Ai.mi's App unless Death Touch can't pull unstaggered enemies.
The other character I think is problematic for the overall health of the game is Octavia. The nature of Octavia's speed boost rewards playing extremely selfishly to maintain it when players should be rewarded for working as a team and forces her opponents to target her to keep her from pulling off her game plan. No other character warps the game around them nearly as hard as Octavia does (including Rasmus on Ai.mi's App), nor does any other character make the game less fun for teammates when successfully pulling off their intended game plan. Octavia needs a rework to bring her up to the gameplay standards of the other 16 characters, since right now she's not playing the same game as the other characters.
I want to finish with something that might be controversial: I think light hits are outdated. During the beta, light hits were used with medium and heavy hits to denote the gameplay mechanics of many different types of abilities. Now, that gameplay distinction is gone outside of a handful of awakening interactions. In addition, most light hit abilities don't state that they slow enemies in their tooltips, and there are abilities counted as a light hit that definitely don't slow, most notably the basic strike. Finally, light hits are used as an extremely arbitrary balance mechanism with awakening interactions, where moves like Kai's Barrage being capable of gaining 12 stacks of Stacks on Stacks from hitting a single target when Rasmus can use Whiplash to get 8 stacks with a miracle where the enemy team clusters around the core. Perhaps the most notable example of how messed up this is is Era, who (assuming her Bewitching Beam works like it did during beta, where it was definitely a light hit) gets only 2 stacks per hit with her primary but can get 30+ stacks easily by hitting a single fully charged Magic Maelstrom and can 100-0 opponents with said Magic Maelstrom using Tempo Swing, which I don't think is acceptable in spite of playing Era. I think everyone should be reevaluated for their light hits as to whether they should count as light hits for the purpose of awakenings or not and update their tooltips to say how much enemies are slowed and/or that it only knocks back unstaggered enemies. The result should be that these abilities do the same thing they do now, with wording that better reflects their capabilities with awakenings. I think the most important aspect of retuning light hits would be to make it so that Strikes and multi-hitting moves like Barrage and Magic Maelstrom are all reduced and single-hit abilities like Whiplash and sourspot Bellringer get full value, so maybe the best solution would be to replace the light hit keyword with a new keyword called "multihit" for these types of abilities.

I honestly think next move cards will be bad for move deck enjoyers. Kingpin will be the new Luke cage. Heimdall will be impossible to use. I hit infinite using move many times. I use crossbone/shuri combo. Spider ham seems ok but if they run infinaut etc then now you don’t even have to skip turn 5. Or destroyer. This may be an insane card to bounce with if it works that way. If it hits same card then maybe not. Will this be in move decks? Over iron fist prob not
I think 2099 is cool but you play him on 4 you’re not going to destroy much since you’ll likely hit junk. Gambit seemed good on paper but he’s usually a miss. I think he may be good turn 5 so procs turn 6. But still. Not that great. I think he’ll be the 6k cost. I think it would have been cool to destroy on each time he moves and be a 6 cost then you could do some cool stuff with wave and iron fist etc
Silk- moves any time a card is played here. This feels very average. Great with kraken. But anti multiple men synergy. Can clog you up if unlucky. Could go in spot you want to heimdall. Will be better in control I think. I wish it gained power each time you made it move. The best thing going for is that it’s 2-5. I’d prefer it being 2-2 and +2 each move. Nebula gives 2 for playing in there zone so it’d be similar. Not that insane but better.
I think the card that will be best is ghost spider. Imagine playing her after playing Spider-Man. You can now galactus turn 6 on the lane they didn’t touch. Wolverine or green goblin before hand. I think that’s best card coming. I’m so glad she’s the season pass. She will make move a bit better. You can hulk buster inti multiple man turn 2-3 then turn 2 you drop her and iron fist. Two big multiple man. Turn 5 vulture and cloak. Move multiple man and vulture one more. Those numbers are insane. And order won’t matter too much. No mm then vulture. Turn 6 miles and blue marvel or heimdall.
That said kingpin will be everywhere so heimdall will prob be less likely used. If they drop him turn 6 it’s gg lol. I’m already plotting kingpin into zola turn 6. Imagine that cheese

Event Links - here

• Reddit randomly blacklists certain URLs, some of which come up with events, and that causes these posts to get removed without explanation. It is not feasible to figure out why so a separate page with links for details, if desired, is available.

Friday - 6/2

• 11:00 AM - Grandaddy Willow - Grandaddy Willow Grand Opening
  
• 4:00 PM - Balcones Distilling - Lucas Jon Turner
  
• 5:00 PM
  
  • Sistrunk Fine Art Gallery - Frank Exum (guitar)
  • Sistrunk Fine Art Gallery - “The Things That Are Lovely” by Dorrie Ann Cobb
  • Valley Mills Vineyards - Crawfish Boil
• 6:00 PM
  
  • Art Center Waco - Of Warm Impermanence: Nathan Clark and Vy Ngo Exhibition
  • Cultivate 7Twelve - Cultivate’s Curated Market Grand Opening
  • Heart of Texas Speedway - Muscling in the Dirt
  • The Backyard - John Dempsy with Waves in April
  • Webster Avenue & South 13th Street - Tea Aguilar with Andy Maguire
• 6:30 PM - Pivovar - Joel Wood
  
• 7:00 PM
  
  • Hilton Waco - Greg Bashara and Evan Klaras (jazz)
  • Last Chance Bar - John Epperson Band
  • Schoepf's Bbq - Jason Eady with Matt Castillo, St. Mary’s Catholic School (Temple) benefit show
  • Thrst Coffee Shop - Richard Thompson (drums) with Jasmin Thompson and Malcolm McDowell
  • Tokio Store - James Hollingsworth
  • Twisted Sisters Patio Bar - Pride & Joy
• 7:30 PM
  
  • Indian Spring Park - Shakespeare in the Park: Julius Caesar
  • Miller Park - Ghost Dance Band
  • Tablerock Amphitheatre - The Two Gentlemen of Verona
  • The Hippodrome - Fleetwood X: A Tribute to Fleetwood Mac
• 8:00 PM
  
  • 207 W Commerce St - J.D. Johnson
  • Bare Bones BBQ - William Beckmann with Brit Kerr
  • Barnett's Pub - Kyle Sinkule
  • Blue Dog Wine & Martini Bar - Markus Miller
  • Freight Bar - Brazos Brothers
  • Smiley's Night Club - Duel
  • Truelove Bar - Smooth Nature
  • Wranglers Cafe & Entertainment - Darrell Ray
• 8:30 PM - The Backyard - John Dempsy in concert
  
• 10:30 PM - Big's Mayberry Tavern - Ballou's Cats
  

Saturday - 6/3

• 9:00 AM - Redwood Shelter - Waco Run Club
  
• 11:00 AM - Tony DeMaria's BBQ - Lucas Jon Turner
  
• 12:00 PM
  
  • Barnett's Pub - Reverend Nathon
  • Barnett's Whiskey House - Crawfish Boil
• 6:00 PM - Art Center Waco - Of Warm Impermanence: Nathan Clark and Vy Ngo Exhibition
  
• 6:30 PM - Pivovar - Touch of Grey
  
• 7:00 PM
  
  • Brazos Theatre - Improv Comedy Show
  • Dr Pepper Museum - Dr Pepper Paranormal Experience
  • Undercroft Social Club - A Night Out, Bedtime Stories, Rad Dragon and Boneless Estate
• 7:30 PM
  
  • Brazos Theatre - Improv's a Beach Comedy Show
  • Cultural Activities Center - Carrie Rodriguez - Texas Music Series
  • Indian Spring Park - Shakespeare in the Park: Julius Caesar
  • Segovia Wine Bar - Kyle Mathis
  • Tablerock Amphitheatre - The Two Gentlemen of Verona
• 8:00 PM
  
  • Barnett's Pub - Collin James Band
  • Barnett's Whiskey House - Block Party
  • Big's Mayberry Tavern - Rewind Party Band
  • Tokio Store - Tanner Sparks
  • Twisted Sisters Patio Bar - Los Roachez
• 8:30 PM
  
  • Stay Classy - Deon Q and Joel McCray
  • The Backyard - Brit Kerr
• 9:00 PM - Blaam Eatery - All-Star Summer Kickoff Concert
  

Family Events - link here

• Not just for families/kids - contains family-friendly events like Farmers Market, Food Truck Showdown,

https://imgur.com/a/6uYNL3v
Some backgroud on my issue- Had this issue after installing the combination of Skyland (didnt choose RW2 option) and Northern Roads. Northern Roads had to be manually placed at the bottom for it to be working (mine wouldnt but this fixed it) according to the post on its mod page.
0 0 Skyrim.esm 1 1 Update.esm 2 2 Dawnguard.esm 3 3 HearthFires.esm 4 4 Dragonborn.esm 5 5 ccasvsse001-almsivi.esm 6 6 ccbgssse001-fish.esm 254 FE 0 ccbgssse002-exoticarrows.esl 254 FE 1 ccbgssse003-zombies.esl 254 FE 2 ccbgssse004-ruinsedge.esl 254 FE 3 ccbgssse005-goldbrand.esl 254 FE 4 ccbgssse006-stendarshammer.esl 254 FE 5 ccbgssse007-chrysamere.esl 254 FE 6 ccbgssse010-petdwarvenarmoredmudcrab.esl 254 FE 7 ccbgssse011-hrsarmrelvn.esl 254 FE 8 ccbgssse012-hrsarmrstl.esl 254 FE 9 ccbgssse014-spellpack01.esl 254 FE a ccbgssse019-staffofsheogorath.esl 254 FE b ccbgssse020-graycowl.esl 254 FE c ccbgssse021-lordsmail.esl 254 FE d ccmtysse001-knightsofthenine.esl 254 FE e ccqdrsse001-survivalmode.esl 7 7 cctwbsse001-puzzledungeon.esm 8 8 cceejsse001-hstead.esm 254 FE f ccqdrsse002-firewood.esl 254 FE 10 ccbgssse018-shadowrend.esl 254 FE 11 ccbgssse035-petnhound.esl 254 FE 12 ccfsvsse001-backpacks.esl 254 FE 13 cceejsse002-tower.esl 254 FE 14 ccedhsse001-norjewel.esl 254 FE 15 ccvsvsse002-pets.esl 254 FE 16 ccbgssse037-curios.esl 254 FE 17 ccbgssse034-mntuni.esl 254 FE 18 ccbgssse045-hasedoki.esl 254 FE 19 ccbgssse008-wraithguard.esl 254 FE 1a ccbgssse036-petbwolf.esl 254 FE 1b ccffbsse001-imperialdragon.esl 254 FE 1c ccmtysse002-ve.esl 254 FE 1d ccbgssse043-crosselv.esl 254 FE 1e ccvsvsse001-winter.esl 254 FE 1f cceejsse003-hollow.esl 9 9 ccbgssse016-umbra.esm 10 a ccbgssse031-advcyrus.esm 254 FE 20 ccbgssse038-bowofshadows.esl 254 FE 21 ccbgssse040-advobgobs.esl 254 FE 22 ccbgssse050-ba_daedric.esl 254 FE 23 ccbgssse052-ba_iron.esl 254 FE 24 ccbgssse054-ba_orcish.esl 254 FE 25 ccbgssse058-ba_steel.esl 254 FE 26 ccbgssse059-ba_dragonplate.esl 254 FE 27 ccbgssse061-ba_dwarven.esl 254 FE 28 ccpewsse002-armsofchaos.esl 254 FE 29 ccbgssse041-netchleather.esl 254 FE 2a ccedhsse002-splkntset.esl 254 FE 2b ccbgssse064-ba_elven.esl 254 FE 2c ccbgssse063-ba_ebony.esl 254 FE 2d ccbgssse062-ba_dwarvenmail.esl 254 FE 2e ccbgssse060-ba_dragonscale.esl 254 FE 2f ccbgssse056-ba_silver.esl 254 FE 30 ccbgssse055-ba_orcishscaled.esl 254 FE 31 ccbgssse053-ba_leather.esl 254 FE 32 ccbgssse051-ba_daedricmail.esl 254 FE 33 ccbgssse057-ba_stalhrim.esl 254 FE 34 ccbgssse066-staves.esl 11 b ccbgssse067-daedinv.esm 254 FE 35 ccbgssse068-bloodfall.esl 254 FE 36 ccbgssse069-contest.esl 254 FE 37 ccvsvsse003-necroarts.esl 254 FE 38 ccvsvsse004-beafarmer.esl 12 c ccbgssse025-advdsgs.esm 254 FE 39 ccffbsse002-crossbowpack.esl 254 FE 3a ccbgssse013-dawnfang.esl 254 FE 3b ccrmssse001-necrohouse.esl 254 FE 3c ccedhsse003-redguard.esl 254 FE 3d cceejsse004-hall.esl 13 d cceejsse005-cave.esm 254 FE 3e cckrtsse001_altar.esl 254 FE 3f cccbhsse001-gaunt.esl 14 e ccafdsse001-dwesanctuary.esm 15 f Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch.esp 16 10 Unofficial Skyrim Modders Patch.esp 254 FE 40 Unofficial Arcane Accessories Patch.esl 254 FE 41 Unofficial Arcane Archer Pack Patch.esl 254 FE 42 Unofficial Farming Patch.esl 254 FE 43 Unofficial Forgotten Seasons Patch.esl 254 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Unofficial Orcish Scaled Armor Patch.esl 254 FE 6f Unofficial Pets of Skyrim Patch.esl 254 FE 70 Unofficial Plague of the Dead Patch.esl 254 FE 71 Unofficial Redguard Elite Armaments Patch.esl 254 FE 72 Unofficial Ruin's Edge Patch.esl 254 FE 73 Unofficial Saturalia Holiday Pack Patch.esl 254 FE 74 Unofficial Shadowfoot Sanctum Patch.esl 254 FE 75 Unofficial Shadowrend Patch.esl 254 FE 76 Unofficial Silver Armor Patch.esl 254 FE 77 Unofficial Staff of Sheogorath Patch.esl 254 FE 78 Unofficial Stalhrim Fur Armor Patch.esl 254 FE 79 Unofficial Steel Soldier Armor Patch.esl 254 FE 7a Unofficial Stendarr's Hammer Patch.esl 254 FE 7b Unofficial The Cause Patch.esl 254 FE 7c Unofficial The Contest Patch.esl 254 FE 7d Unofficial Wild Horses Patch.esl 254 FE 7e Treescale.esm 17 11 MajesticMountains_Landscape.esm 18 12 LegacyoftheDragonborn.esm 19 13 RealisticWaterTwo - Resources.esm 20 14 Campfire.esm 21 15 DBM_CC_HallOfWonders.esp 22 16 Better Dynamic Snow SE - DisableRefs.esm 254 FE 7f 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b7 DBM_CC_Cause_CuriosAddon.esp 254 FE b8 DBM_CC_AADragonplateHOWPatch.esp 254 FE b9 DBM_CC_DeadMansDreadHOWPatch.esp 254 FE ba DBM_CC_NetchLeatherArmorHOWPatch.esp 254 FE bb DBM_CC_StendarrsHammerHOWPatch.esp 254 FE bc DBM_CC_StaffOfHasedokiHOWPatch.esp 254 FE bd DBM_Missives_Patch.esp 254 FE be DBM_CC_SaS_CuriosAddon.esp 254 FE bf DBM_CC_GoblinsHOWPatch.esp 254 FE c0 DBM_CC_TheBowOfShadowsHOWPatch.esp 254 FE c1 DBM_CC_Fish_CuriosAddon.esp 254 FE c2 DBM_CC_RedguardEliteArmamentsHOWPatch.esp 254 FE c3 DBM_JKBluePalace_Patch.esp 254 FE c4 JKs Haelgas Bunkhouse - JKs Skyrim Patch.esp 254 FE c5 JKs Skyrim - Gray Cowl Patch.esp 254 FE c6 Shadow of Skyrim.esp 254 FE c7 JKs Blue Palace - JKs Skyrim Patch.esp 254 FE c8 JKs Elgrims Elixirs - Bee and Barb Patch.esp 53 35 Apocalypse - Magic of Skyrim.esp 254 FE c9 DBM_CC_FarmingPatch.esp 254 FE ca DBM_CC_MyrwatchPatch.esp 254 FE cb Pets of Skyrim - JK's Skyrim Patch.esp 54 36 torchRemover.esp 254 FE cc Better Dynamic Snow SE - No Glacier 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DBM_CC_ACPlagueOfTheDeadHOWPatch.esp 254 FE f9 DBM_CC_PotD_CuriosAddon.esp 254 FE fa DBM_CC_AADaedricPlateHOWPatch.esp 254 FE fb DBM_CC_AADragonscaleHOWPatch.esp 254 FE fc DBM_CC_AADwarvenMailHOWPatch.esp 254 FE fd DBM_CC_AADwarvenPlateHOWPatch.esp 254 FE fe DBM_CC_AAEbonyPlateHOWPatch.esp 254 FE ff DBM_CC_AAElvenHunterHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 100 DBM_CC_AAOrcishScaledHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 101 DBM_CC_AASilverHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 102 DBM_CC_CB02ExpCrossbowsHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 103 DBM_CC_DwMudcrabHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 104 DBM_CC_HeadsmansCleaverHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 105 DBM_CC_NixHoundHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 106 DBM_CC_SpellKnightArmorHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 107 DBM_CC_AAIronPlateHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 108 DBM_CC_AALeatherHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 109 DBM_CC_AAOrcishPlateHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 10a DBM_CC_AAStalhrimFurHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 10b DBM_CC_AASteelSoldierHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 10c DBM_CC_ACArcaneAccessoriesHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 10d DBM_CC_ACBoneWolfHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 10e DBM_CC_ArmsOfChaosHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 10f DBM_CC_BloodchillManorPatch.esp 254 FE 110 DBM_CC_Chry_IWSynergy.esp 254 FE 111 DBM_CC_CivilWarChampionsHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 112 DBM_CC_UmbraPatchV2.esp 254 FE 113 DBM_CC_StaffofSheogorathPatchV2.esp 254 FE 114 DBM_CC_GrayCowlReturnsPatchV2.esp 254 FE 115 DBM_CC_HendraheimPatch.esp 254 FE 116 DBM_CC_HorseArmorDLCElvenPatch.esp 254 FE 117 DBM_CC_HorseArmorDLCSteelPatch.esp 254 FE 118 DBM_CC_NchuanthumzPatch.esp 254 FE 119 DBM_CC_NecromanticGrimoireHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 11a DBM_CC_NordicJewelryHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 11b DBM_CC_RuinsEdgePatchV2.esp 254 FE 11c DBM_CC_ShadowfootSanctumPatch.esp 254 FE 11d DBM_CC_ShadowrendHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 11e DBM_CC_StavesHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 11f DBM_CC_TundraHomesteadPatch.esp 254 FE 120 DBM_CC_VigilEnforcerArmorHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 121 DBM_CC_Wilds02WildHorsesHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 122 DBM_CC_Wilds04PetsHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 123 DBM_CC_Wilds05SaturaliaHOWPatch.esp 254 FE 124 ELFX Shadows - JK Jorrvaskr patch.esp 254 FE 125 ELFX Shadows - JK New Gnisis Cornerclub patch.esp 254 FE 126 ELFX Shadows - JK Palace of the Kings.esp 254 FE 127 Temporary fix.esp 254 FE 128 ELFX Shadows - JK Ragged Flagon patch.esp 254 FE 129 ELFX Shadows - JK Sadris Used Wares patch.esp 254 FE 12a ELFX Shadows - JK Sleeping Giant Inn patch.esp 254 FE 12b ELFX Shadows - JK Temple of Kynareth patch.esp 254 FE 12c ELFX Shadows - JK Temple of Mara.esp 254 FE 12d ELFX Shadows - JK Temple of Talos.esp 254 FE 12e ELFX Shadows - JK White Phial patch.esp 254 FE 12f JK's Sinderion's Field Laboratory - USMP Patch.esp 254 FE 130 JKs Angelines Aromatics - USSEP Patch.esp 254 FE 131 JKs Bits and Pieces - USSEP Patch.esp 254 FE 132 JKs Blue Palace - Immersion Patch.esp 254 FE 133 JKs Drunken Huntsman - USSEP Patch.esp 254 FE 134 JKs Palace of the Kings - Holidays Patch.esp 254 FE 135 JKs Palace of the Kings - USSEP Patch.esp 254 FE 136 JKs Radiant Raiment - USSEP Patch.esp 254 FE 137 JKs Radiant Raiment - Immersion Patch.esp 254 FE 138 JKs Ragged Flagon - USSEP Patch.esp 254 FE 139 JKs Septimus Signus Outpost - SIC Patch.esp 254 FE 13a JKs Sinderions Field Laboratory - CC - Fishing patch.esp 254 FE 13b JKs Temple of Talos - USSEP patch.esp 254 FE 13c JKs Temple of the Divines - USSEP Patch.esp 254 FE 13d JKs Understone Keep - USSEP patch.esp JKs Winking Skeever - Alternate Start Mods Patch.esp JKs Winking Skeever - USSEP Patch.esp JKs Winking Skeever - Fishing Patch.esp JKs Winking Skeever - Immersion Patch.esp 60 3c 50 More Perk Points.esp 61 3d AHZmoreHUD.esp 254 FE 13e BetterThirdPersonSelection.esp 254 FE 13f TrueDirectionalMovement.esp 254 FE 140 ELFX - Hearthfire Light Addon.esp 254 FE 141 No Killmoves, No Killcams, No Killbites.esp 62 3e Killable Children.esp 63 3f KC - USLEEP Patch.esp 64 40 dD - Enhanced Blood Main.esp 254 FE 142 GDOS - Splendid Mechanized Dwemer Door.esp 254 FE 143 HPP - Vaermina's Torpor.esp 254 FE 144 MCMHelper.esp 254 FE 145 aMidianBorn_Book of Silence.esp 65 41 BarenziahQuestMarkers.esp 66 42 LeftHandRings-1stPersonView.esp 67 43 LeftHandRings.esp 254 FE 146 OblivionLikeLS.esp 68 44 Perk Points at Skill Levels 50-75-100.esp 69 45 Thief skills rebalance for Ordinator.esp 70 46 WetandCold.esp 71 47 WondersofWeather.esp 72 48 SmoothCam.esp 73 49 Hothtrooper44_Armor_Ecksstra.esp 254 FE 147 RelationshipRankNotificationsDialogue.esp 74 4a Ordinator - Perks of Skyrim.esp 75 4b Apocalypse - Ordinator Compatibility Patch.esp 76 4c Immersive Citizens - AI Overhaul.esp 254 FE 148 JKs Candlehearth Hall - Immersive Citizens Patch.esp 77 4d Relationship Dialogue Overhaul.esp JKs Winking Skeever - Immersive Citizens patch.esp 254 FE 149 JKs Bannered Mare - Immersive Citizens Patch.esp 254 FE 14a JKs Belethors General Goods - Immersive Citizens Patch.esp 254 FE 14b JKs Dragonsreach - Immersive Citizens Patch.esp 254 FE 14c JKs Dragonsreach - Relationship Dialogue Overhaul Patch.esp 254 FE 14d JKs Temple of Kynareth - Immersive Citizens patch.esp 254 FE 14e JKs Sleeping Giant Inn - Immersive Citizens Patch.esp 254 FE 14f JKs Drunken Huntsman - Immersive Citizens Patch.esp 254 FE 150 JKs New Gnisis Cornerclub - Immersive Citizens Patch.esp 254 FE 151 JKs Palace of the Kings - Immersive Citizens Patch.esp 254 FE 152 JKs Riverwood Trader - Immersive Citizens patch.esp 254 FE 153 JKs Silver-Blood Inn - Immersive Citizens patch.esp 254 FE 154 JKs Temple of Talos - Immersive Citizens patch.esp 254 FE 155 JKs Temple of the Divines - Immersive Citizens patch.esp 254 FE 156 JKs Understone Keep - Immersive Citizens patch.esp 254 FE 157 JKs Warmaidens - Immersive Citizens Patch.esp 254 FE 158 JK's Skyrim - IC Dawnstar Patch.esp 78 4e Landscape For Grass Mods -Immersive Citizens PATCH.esp 79 4f Alternate Start - Live Another Life.esp 254 FE 159 ELFX Shadows - Alternate Start Patch.esp 254 FE 15a JKs New Gnisis Cornerclub - Alternate Start patch.esp 254 FE 15b JKs Sinderions Field Laboratory - Alternate Start patch.esp 80 50 RealisticWaterTwo.esp 254 FE 15c RealisticWaterTwo - Myrwatch Patch.esp 254 FE 15d JKs Ragged Flagon - RW2 Patch.esp 81 51 Northern Roads.esp 254 FE 15e Northern Roads - Landscape Fixes for Grass Mods patch.esp 254 FE 15f Northern Roads - Additional Roads.esp 254 FE 160 Northern Roads - Rocks Patch.esp 254 FE 161 Northern Roads - JKs Skyrim patch.esp 254 FE 162 Northern Roads - Immersive Citizens patch.esp 254 FE 163 Northern Roads - Skyland HD Roadsigns Patch.esp 254 FE 164 Northern Roads - Happy Little Trees patch.esp 254 FE 165 Northern Roads - Legacy of the Dragonborn patch.esp 254 FE 166 Northern Roads - CC Fishing patch.esp 254 FE 167 Northern Roads - CC Farming patch.esp 254 FE 168 Northern Roads - Alternate Start Live Another Life patch.esp 254 FE 169 Northern Roads - CC Tundra Homestead patch.esp 254 FE 16a Northern Roads - JKs Sky Haven Temple patch.esp 254 FE 16b Northern Roads - USSEP Additions.esp 254 FE 16c Northern Roads - CC The Cause patch.esp 254 FE 16d Northern Roads - Obsidian Mountain Fogs patch.esp 254 FE 16e Northern Roads - CC Myrwatch patch.esp 254 FE 16f Northern Roads - JK's Sinderion's Field Laboratory patch.esp 254 FE 170 Northern Roads - Grass Patch.esp Northern Roads - BDS Patch.esp 254 FE 171 Northern Roads - CC Saints and Seducers patch.esp

Happy Friday, Barkada --

The PSE lost 6477 points (!!) to 0 ▼100%

Thank you to Red Baboy for giving permission to repost their excellent metadata find on the DFNN annual report (check below in DUMB STUFF), to John, Jerome Clado, and Volts Sanchez for the meme appreciation, and arkitrader for the virtual coffee.
Shout-outs to Fireflybud71, urayon, jejerimiah, WaheedHakim75, mj te, Reynold, CHARToons, an, Pao, Jay Agonoy, JP, Jerome Clado, DV Dindo, maxmora crypto41, KingArk, mArQo, Palaboy Trader, Evolves Capital, Inc., LanAustria, arkitrader, Lance Nazal, Dividend Pinoy PGG, leaf, Bien EC, Chip Sillesa, and Jing for the retweets, and to Froilan Ramos, Genesis Umali, Evolves.co, Jayvee Menil, and Mike Ting for the Facebook shares.

▌In today's MB:

• MPI grants request to defer delisting vote
• FILRT duplicates dud dividend
• MREIT to buy 7 towers from MEG
• DFNN overcomes limitations of accountancy
• Fruitas buys cloud kitchen company
• Vulcan Industrial suspended due to public float
• DUMB STUFF: DFNN's fun metadata

▌Daily meme Subscribe (it's free) Today's email

▌Main stories covered:

• [NEWS] MPI grants request to defer delisting vote... Metro Pacific [MPI 4.37 ▲0.5%; 178% avgVol] disclosed that it granted a request from the MPI Consortium to “defer the vote on the approval of the voluntary delisting” of MPI. The MPI Consortium said that they intend to make the fairness opinion available to MPI shareholders before MPI’s Annual Shareholders’ Meeting “to give the shareholders information on the basis of the Tender Offer Price,” even though the rules only require the MPI Consortium to supply that fairness opinion with the Tender Offer Report. The MPI Consortium said that because the fairness opinion “has not been finalized” yet, and the AGM is early next week, they’re requesting for a deferment of the vote to give the MPI Consortium time to finish the fairness opinion and deliver a new “notice of intent to undertake a Tender Offer” to MPI’s shareholders. MPI granted that request, but did not provide an updated timetable for when any of this would happen.
  
  • MB: Everything about this story says to me that there’s more going on behind the scenes that we just don’t know about, so I’m not really sure what to make of this. Does it seem incomprehensible to anyone else that a company as sophisticated as MPI could so completely blunder the sequence of events between the fairness opinion and the delisting vote? MPI’s united resolve in the face of the initial pushback to the price signaled to me that they were satisfied with the results of the opinion, but then, suddenly, we were hearing from individual members of the board, not from Chairman Manny Pangilinan, about how the opinion isn’t yet final and that it may change upon further review. This is just my speculation, but it seems obvious to me that the price quoted touched a nerve somewhere in the system. We saw that with April Tan’s all-caps directive to MPI shareholders, and with COL Financial’s weird insistence on emailing AGM details to shareholders – why don’t they do this for every AGM? Did something in the process rub the exchange the wrong way as well? Something feels off the rails about this, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. This doesn’t seem like extra-dimensional chess on the part of MPI to whipsaw public opinion on the way to closing a good deal.
• [NEWS] Filinvest REIT declares low Q1 dividend... Filinvest REIT [FILRT 4.25 ▲2.9%; 241% avgVol] declared a Q1/23 cash dividend of ₱0.071/share, payable on June 30 to shareholders of record as of June 15. The dividend implies an annualized yield of 6.68% based on the previous closing price. The total amount of the dividend is ₱347 million, sourced from distributable income generated up to April 30, which is 100% of the ₱347 million in distributable income that FILRT reported for the period. Relative to FILRT's IPO price, the dividend increased FILRT's total stock and dividend return to -28.29%, up from its pre-dividend total return of -29.3%. FILRT did not specify if this dividend represents just the first quarter of FILRT’s distributable income, or if it is intended to represent the first four months as the cut-off date would imply.
  
  • MB: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” When is the market going to listen to what FILRT has been screaming for months? This dividend matches FILRT’s all-time low, confirms that the tiny Q4/22 dividend was not a mistake or fluke, and yet the market trades FILRT like it’s the twin brother of AREIT. Quarter-on-quarter, the dividend is the same. It matches the low. But this dividend is 39% lower from a year-on-year perspective.
• [NEWS] MREIT signs MOU to acquire 7 new towers from Megaworld... MREIT [MREIT 14.00 ▲1.4%; 2% avgVol] signed a memorandum of understanding (MOU) with its parent company, Megaworld [MEG 1.99 ▼2.5%; 511% avgVol], to possibly acquire seven “grade A office assets” with a combined gross leasable area (GLA) of 150,000 square meters. MREIT said that the assets in question, located in Taguig, Iloilo, and Davao, generated approximately ₱1.2 billion in rental income last year and have a combined occupancy rate of 94%. MREIT said that it hopes to sign definitive agreements for the translation in Q3 of this year. The injection would increase MREIT’s GLA by 46%.
  
  • MB: MREIT pulled up short of mentioning the deal’s total value, but we can very loosely estimate the value by using the smaller deal that MREIT completed earlier this year as a guide. With that transaction, MREIT closed on 44,567 GLA of office space in Taguig and Iloilo for ₱5.3 billion, which is about ₱119,000/sqm. Here, if we multiply that value by the 150,500 GLA that MREIT estimates for this package, we end up with a value of ₱17.9 billion. According to my data, MREIT has about ₱13.4 billion of “buying power” between its available equity (₱1.1 billion) and debt (₱12.3 billion). Unless MREIT is able to consider the properties to be acquired as part of its deposited properties, and then use that additional debt quota to buy the assets, it would seem as though MREIT is going to have to do some kind of equity raise to increase its public float to remain about the 33.33% public float minimum threshold.
• [NOTES] Quick takes from around the market...
  
  • DFNN [DFNN 2.92 ▼1.0%; 175% avgVol] [link] finally overcame the limitations of archaic accountancy to submit its FY22 Annual Report. DFNN reported an FY22 net income of ₱82 million, which is a 122% increase from the ₱368 million net loss it reported the previous year. DFNN attributed the “tremendous turnaround” to its successful equity restructure, and to “the continuous increase in sales and the launch of numerous tailored interactive technology platforms.”
    • MB Quick Take: The press release sets off all sorts of alarms in my head in terms of the repeated mentioning of the “residual effects of Covid”, and the overall “to be fair you need to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty” tone of DFNN toward its own business model, but I can’t deny that I like DFNN’s overall positioning in terms of its industry (gaming is in demand), its low overhead, and its potential for growth with a software product line that has a low/negligible marginal cost for production. I’m just glad they figured out QuickBooks.
  • Fruitas [FRUIT 1.20 ▼2.4%; 223% avgVol] [link] acquired Fly Kitchen Inc (FKI) to “accelerate the growth of its cloud kitchen business”. FRUIT said that it signed an agreement to buy 100% of FKI’s outstanding shares, giving FRUIT access to FKI’s inventory, recipes, and leasehold interests in four kitchens.
    • MB Quick Take: A cloud kitchen is a centralized food preparation site that is like a restaurant but with no public-facing components. No cashier, no seating, no take-out window. It’s designed to integrate with food delivery apps. It’s valid to ask whether the cloud kitchen model is as important as it was back in the COVID Years when in-person dining was restricted by brutal public health orders, but my own anecdotal experience is that my new consumption habits from the COVID Years have been sticky. I’m doing way more of everything online. Cloud kitchens aren’t going anywhere (IMHO).
  • Vulcan Industrial [VUL 1.24 ▲2.5%; 1271% avgVol] [link] was suspended by the PSE for violating the 20% minimum public float requirement as a result of the backdoor listing of the East Coast Mineral Resources Company. The PSE said that VUL’s stock will remain suspended until VUL complies with the 20% public float rule, and that VUL has until November 30th of this year to fix the problem or face automatic delisting.
    • MB Quick Take: This is a huge part of why I hate these landmine subscription agreements. This liability sat on VUL’s books for nearly three years, and shareholders (who are now stuck in this trade for the foreseeable future) had no reasonable expectation of this happening after the lapse of the due diligence period back in 2021. I don’t think there’s a substantial risk of VUL delisting (it’s crazy if they didn’t already plan for this), but this probably caught a bunch of traders that hopped into this stock by surprise. ₱28 million in VUL stock changed hands yesterday before the suspension was announced after-hours.
• [DUMB STUFF] I live for this...
  
  • The DFNN Annual Report contains some hilarious metadata in the PDF. Most notably, the line: Greetings to #ITnet members biolator VeRvE^ and all DALNet peoples...i Hate u All. Credit to Red Baboy on Twitter for this amazing find!

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I can't get the words and photos in the same post. I am disabled and hired a licensed contractor to remove a soaking tub and convert to a walk in shower. The threshold that he built is already crumbling, and the cement that he added over wire on the walls did not go to the end of the drywall, so wooden studs from behind the wall are still showing on both sides.
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Additionally, when he was tiling the back wall, he made many pattern mistakes then walked off the job and said he was quitting when I asked him to fix the errors, because, he said, I was a "perfectionist". I bought 3 extra boxes of tile to account for defects or chips, but he came that day without a helper.
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Even the floor tiles on the new shower floor, have a perceptible by eye, wave, from high [inches 1-2] to low [not touching the ruler 3-6] then high again resting on tile [inches 7-8 inches], and the thinset is so heavy that there is no room left for grout in between many of the tiles (grout will be black).
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The contractor then ghosted me for almost a week. I reached out to other local licensed tile contractors and general contractors while I was waiting for him, and spoke with family and colleagues and they suggested I contact the licensing board and the company that provided the contractor's bond. The bond amount is $25,000 and the bond company told me they would investigate and ensure that the work was completed correctly even if that meant ripping it out and starting over. They assured me that this would be done at no cost to me; however, the timeline will probably be a couple of months.
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I am behind in my work and this has been a nightmare. I am trying to collect independent contractor quotes for both remediation and re-do to submit with the complaint; but most people are saying that since the concrete seems poor quality and doesn't reach to the end of the threshold, they think it needs to be ripped out and re-done because of a problem with "cold joints". They also don't want to warranty someone else's work... especially warrantying what they can't see, based on what they can see. The original contract was was hardi-board but they asked to switch to lathe and cement to save material costs. They were $1,000 more expensive than the lowest quote and their online reviews were mostly 5 stars. Advice would be appreciated. I have tried to provide photos of each stage. Is this salvageable? Thank you.

Picked up the HD Remasters, since I last played them over a decade ago. Was kinda curious what they tweaked for this release, so I did a bit of digging -- just in EO1 for now, since I'm playing them in order again and it'll be a while before I make my way back to EO3. (Which I'm looking forward to, but my sense of completion demands I concentrate on EO1 first ^_^;)
This isn't a full list of changes, mind. Some changes have been applied elsewhere so it's not as easy for me to notice without taking a lot more time and making much more progress. A few other things haven't changed, but have instead had their text descriptions fixed to showcase that (Toxins for example now explicity says it does nothing and only goes up to Lv5). In any case, I decided to focus on the skill parameters themselves and compare them to how they were in the original.
Here's what I've found so far.
 
Provoke/Cloak
Provoke and Cloak have had their mechanics changed behind the scenes. The Cloak value is now a negative number instead of a <100% multiplier (so a 20% multiplier was converted to -80% reduction as an example). I don't know how the targeting probability has changed behind the scenes, but it may be that these effects are a lot more powerful now.
Protector's Provoke values have been tweaked over and above just converting it to (Chance - 100). In the original game, it started at a 160% multiplier at Lv1 increasing to 200% by Lv5. In EO1 HD, it now uses the following values by level: +20% / +25% / +35% / +50% / +70% / +95% / +100%. From Lv7 onwards, it stops at 100%, with further levels only further increasing speed and reducing damage taken.
 
Dark Hunter
In addition to the changes to Cloak, Lv10 Boost Up has been increased from +5 to +6 (so that the final level up actually has an effect), and the STR Bonus on Lv6-10 Fury has been increased from 20 to 30 (so that it no longer drops when levelling past Lv5).
 
Ronin
Can't personally test just yet, but it looks like Overhead, Seigan, Iai and Mikiri now require a Katana equipped to be used now. If correct, that means that the only active ability a Ronin can use without a Katana now would be Ibuki.
Also, Lv9 Seigan's damage multiplier of 123% has been reduced to 113% (so that it's not better than Lv10 Seigan). And Gatotsu has been changed so that it deals Stab damage instead of Cut Damage.
 
Medic
Patch Up was the first really noticable change to me, since it specifies how much it heals at L1. In the original game, it started at 1% at Lv1, 6% at Lv5 and 12% at Lv10, with a 1% increase on the inbetween levels. In EO1 HD, it now starts at 3% at Lv1, 8% at Lv5 and 15% at Lv10. Still not a stellar skill, but more helpful at lower levels.
Lv9 Salve had its potency decreased from 75% to 65% (in the original, Lv8 to 9 was a big boost while Lv9 to 10 was a small boost -- they're just correcting this here).
And Healing Touch looks to be much much better than before. In the original, it cost 4 TP at Lv1, 5 TP at Lv3, and 6 TP at Lv5+, and started at 25% Max HP heal at Lv1 increasing to 40% Max HP heal at Lv10. And as such was kinda worthless. Now, it costs 3 TP and heals up to 50% of Max HP at Lv1; the next two levels increase the heal by 25% each so that you're healing 100% of Max HP at Lv3, and the last two levels decrease the TP cost by 1 each. So at its new max level of 5, it's a full heal for 1 TP (remember it's only usable outside of battle though).
 
 
And that's all I can see from a skill data perspective. As I previously mentioned, Toxins in Alchemist is unchanged, but now caps at Lv5 and mentions it does nothing. Poison still caps at 255 damage. Alchemist's elemental Masteries are still practically useless. There may be other changes with how certain skills are processed or calculated (particularly with whether certain skill bugs got fixed or not), but that's not something I've been looking at right now. I was mostly more curious about anything that would affect my build choices as I play through the game again for the first time in so many years, and so thought I'd share my findings.
Have fun! (And with that, back to the second Stratum....)

i, (19, f) have never had a very good sibling bond with my older sister (35, f) because deep down i know she resents me for a: being the baby, and b: getting to grow up with my dad in my life. i know it sounds fucked up but it is. i can’t control any of this. (long story short i have a brother; also 35. they’re irish twins… 3 months apart. my dad had a one night stand in 87’ and boom my [half] sister was born. three years later he went to prison trying to help one of his older siblings out for an extended period of time and never really got to be involved in either of their childhoods. my brother understood that he was just doing what he thought was the right thing. my sister never got that & it didn’t help at all that her mom was addicted to crak cocane and an alcoholic so she did everything in her power to make my sister spite him) when i was about 6 was the first time i actually me her, and my nieces {i became an auntie at 9 months old lol} and i thought it was awesome to have a big sister, even though we were so far apart in age. we could have so much fun together! paint eachothers nails yadda yadda… nope
never had the chance to experience it. almost every single time she would make plans to come get me it would never happen. she would just ghost me. and randomly pop up months later pretending it never happened. even on my graduation, she had some bulshit excuse for why she couldn’t show up. she up and moved to georgia almost 4 years ago {i’m in ohio} and has been trying to use her mother as a means to get in touch with me. sorry if this is all over the place i’m kinda drunk and barely slept last night. yesterday morning my dad randomly passed away, and of course after being hit with that i was pretty out of it. my mom called my boyfriend at about 5 am because she didn’t want me to be alone hearing the news. at about 4 pm yesterday i get a call from a ga area code, it’s her. she immediately starts screaming at me through sobs “WHY DID NOBODT THINK TO LET ME KNOW, WHY DIDNT YOU CALL ME” quite frankly because i hadn’t processed it myself, and i was trying to comfort my mother as much as i could from a distance
so i respond “honestly i’m still trying to wrap my own head around it. i’m so numb” so she barks at me to give her my moms #, and as soon as i do she hangs up. i guess she tried going off on my mom too (his wife of almost 25 years) am i in the wrong being even more mad at her in a time like this?

Hey everyone!! Back with a new and updated post. These prices are WITHOUT shipping. I will provide a quote for you, but it usually isn't more than $6 unless the items won't fit in a regular bubble mailer.
Everything has been personally tested by me and is confirmed to be fully functional. I can provide pictures upon request. I tried to stay below pricecharting, if I'm off on any of my prices, I'm more than open to offers!
PLEASE NOTE: I am open to ALL offers. The worst I can say is no!
Here's everything I'm currently selling:
SNES Samurai Shodown $9 Loose, in roughish condition.
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Nintendo 64 Turok 2 Seeds of Evil (Gray cart) $10 Loose.
Nintendo 64 WWF Wrestlemania 2000 $14 Loose.
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Gamecube All-Star Baseball 2002 $3 Loose.
Gamecube ATV Quad Power Racing 2 $8 Loose.
Gamecube Bionicle $5 Loose.
Gamecube Chronicles of Narnia $5 Loose.
Gamecube City Racer $41 CIB.
Gamecube Disney Sports Skateboarding $20 Game, case, and original artwork only.
Gamecube Hunter The Reckoning $12 Loose.
Gamecube King Kong $9 Loose.
Gamecube Namco Museum 50th Anniversary $12 Loose.
Gamecube Sonic Adventure DX $30 Original case, cover art, and game.
Gamecube Super Mario Strikers $65 CIB.
Gamecube Spongebob Creature From Krusty Krab $17 CIB.
Gamecube Viewtiful Joe Red Hot Rumble $90 Sealed. Some damage on the backside label. Please inquire for pics.
Gamecube Whirl Tour $8 Missing manual.
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Wii Bass Pro Shops: The Hunt $2 Disc and box, no accessories.
Wii Bass Pro Shops: The Strike $2 Disc and box, no accessories.
Wii Big Buck Hunter Pro $10 CIB game and gun accessory, no big box. Shipping will be around $10.
Wii Black Eyed Peas Experience $2 CIB.
Wii Cabela's Dangerous Hunts 2011 $2 CIB.
Wii DJ Hero 2 $2 Disc and box.
Wii EA Sports Active 2 $2 Disc in box, no other accessories.
Wii EA Sports NFL Training Camp $2 Disc in box, no other accessories.
Wii Epic Mickey 2 $15 Sealed.
Wii Link's Crossbow Training $5 Included pouch that would come with Wii console.
Wii MLB Superstars $4 Disc and box.
Wii Naruto Shippuden: Clash of Ninja Revolution 3 $12 CIB.
Wii NASCAR The Game 2011 $5 Disc and box.
Wii Need for Speed Prostreet $4 Disc and box.
Wii New Super Mario Bros. Wii $18 Loose.
Wii Rayman Raving Rabbids 2 $3 Disc in box.
Wii Red Steel $3 Disc in box.
Wii Tony Hawk Ride $2 Disc in box, no skateboard.
Wii We Love Golf! $7 CIB.
Wii Wii Play $4 Loose.
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Gameboy Batman The Video Game $18 Loose.
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Gameboy Advance 007 Everything or Nothing $10 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Activision Anthology $21 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Avatar The Burning Earth $13 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Batman Begins $9 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Bratz $1 Loose, has no label.
Gameboy Advance Crash of the Titans $10 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Elf Bowling 1 & 2 $16 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Family Feud $5 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Fantastic 4 $6 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Finding Nemo $6 Loose.
Gameboy Advance GT3 Advance Pro Concept Racing $12 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Klonoa Empire of Dreams $41 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Madden 2003 $3 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Monster Force $7 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Mouse Trap/Operation/Simon $5 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Namco Museum $3 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Namco Museum 50th Anniversary $10 Loose.
Gameboy Advance NFL Blitz 2003 $8 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Nicktoons Freeze Frame Frenzy $5 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Nicktoons Freeze Frame Frenzy and Spongebob Squarepants Battle for Bikini Bottom Dual Cart $4 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Pirates of the Caribbean The Curse of the Black Pearl $7 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Scooby Doo $7 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Snood $7 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Spongebob's Atlantis Squarepantis $7 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Spongebob Squarepants Movie $10 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Sudoku Fever $4 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Texas Hold Em Poker $3 Loose.
Gameboy Advance That's So Raven $6 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Treasure Planet $9 Loose.
Gameboy Advance Ultimate Card Games $6 Loose.
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Nintendo DS Band Hero $12 CIB.
Nintendo DS Big Brain Academy $4 Loose.
Nintendo DS Bleach The Blade of Fate $12 Loose.
Nintendo DS Brain Age $4 CIB.
Nintendo DS Charlotte's Web $4 Loose.
Nintendo DS Coraline (Have two copies) $65 Both CIB.
Nintendo DS Contact $28 Loose.
Nintendo DS Dragon Ball Z Supersonic Warriors 2 $30 Loose.
Nintendo DS Dynasty Warriors DS Fighters Battle $10 Loose.
Nintendo DS Guitar Hero On Tour (Have two copies) $3 Both loose.
Nintendo DS Hannah Montana $4 Loose.
Nintendo DS Harvest Moon DS $20 Missing manual, otherwise cib.
Nintendo DS Imagine Babyz $3 Loose.
Nintendo DS Inuyasha Secret of the Divine Jewel $54 Loose.
Nintendo DS Lego Indiana Jones 2: The Adventure Continues $7 CIB.
Nintendo DS Madden 06 $4 Loose.
Nintendo DS Mario&Luigi Partners in Time $61 CIB.
Nintendo DS Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games (Have two copies) $8/$11 One copy loose, one cib.
Nintendo DS Metroid Prime Hunters First Hunt $8 Loose.
Nintendo DS Nicktoons Unite $9 Loose.
Nintendo DS Petz Catz 2 $3 Loose.
Nintendo DS Ratatouille $8 Loose.
Nintendo DS Scrabble $7 CIB.
Nintendo DS The Simpsons Game $14 Loose.
Nintendo DS Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor $50 CIB.
Nintendo DS Skate It $9 CIB.
Nintendo DS Sonic Colors $8 Loose.
Nintendo DS Sonic Rush $13 Loose.
Nintendo DS Suite Life of Zack & Cody Tipton Trouble $6 Loose.
Nintendo DS Super Monkey Ball Touch & Roll $9 CIB.
Nintendo DS Tetris Party Deluxe (Have two copies) $9/$4 Both copies loose, one missing it's sticker.
Nintendo DS The Amazing Spider-Man $10 CIB.
Nintendo DS The Sims 2 Pets $5 Loose.
Nintendo DS Tom and Jerry Tales $8 Loose.
Nintendo DS Tony Hawk's Downhill Jam $6 Loose.
Nintendo DS Wipeout The Game $4 CIB.
NINTENDO DS BOX ONLY
Nintendo DS Cooking Mama $1
Nintendo DS Jump Super Stars $1 Japanese version box and manual.
Nintendo DS Scribblenauts $1
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Nintendo 3DS Fire Emblem Awakening $55 CIB.
Nintendo 3DS Fire Emblem Shadows of Valentia $37 CIB.
Nintendo 3DS Madden NFL Football $15 CIB Nintendo 3DS Luigi's Mansion $40 Loose.
Nintendo 3DS Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner: Soul Hackers $52 Loose.
Nintendo 3DS Super Smash Bros for Nintendo 3DS $11 CIB.
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Nintendo Switch Bioshock The Collection $23 CIB.
Nintendo Switch Diofield Chronicle $30 CIB.
Nintendo Switch Diablo III Eternal Collection $22 CIB.
Nintendo Switch Dragon Ball: The Breakers $15 CIB.
Nintendo Switch Fire Emblem: Three Houses $33 CIB.
Nintendo Switch Moonlighter $15 Loose in gamestop box.
Nintendo Switch My Friend Pedro $20 Loose in gamestop box.
Nintendo Switch Supermarket Shriek $18 Sealed.
Nintendo Switch Tandem A Tale Of Shadows $28 Sealed.
Nintendo Switch Travis Strikes Again: No More Heroes $25 Loose in gamestop box.
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Sega Genesis Frogger $10 Loose in original case (no artwork)
Sega Genesis Monopoly $7 Original case, artwork, and cartridge.
Sega Genesis Vectorman $10 Loose in original case (no artwork)
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PS1 Army Men Air Attack (Collector's Edition) $8 CIB, jewel case is broken.
PS1 Big Game Hunter Ultimate Challenge $5 Missing front page/manual.
PS1 Billiards $4 CIB. Jewel case is broken and cracked.
PS1 Bravo Air Race $12 CIB.
PS1 Cool Boarders 2 $3 Loose.
PS1 Command and Conquer Red Alert Retaliation $15 Missing manual.
PS1 Crossroad Crisis $7 CIB.
PS1 CyberTiger $7 CIB.
PS1 Dukes of Hazzard Racing For Home $9 CIB.
PS1 Final Fantasy Chronicles $18 Missing manual.
Greatest hits.PS1 Harvest Moon Back to Nature $50 CIB.
PS1 Jade Cocoon Demo Disc $10 Loose in sleeve.
PS1 Interactive CD Sampler Disc Volume 9 $10 CIB in it's sleeve.
PS1 Knockout Kings 2001 $7 CIB. Jewel case is broken.
PS1 Madden 98 $5 Loose.
PS1 Nascar Rumble $13 CIB.
PS1 NBA Shoot Out $5 Loose.
PS1 NCAA Football 2001 $10 CIB.
PS1 NBA Live 98 $4 Loose.
PS1 NHL 99 $4 CIB, jewel case is broken.
PS1 NHL Face Off 99 $5 CIB, jewel case is cracked.
PS1 NHL Face Off $4 Loose.
PS1 NHL 2000 $4 CIB, jewel case is broken.
PS1 Rally Cross 2 $6 CIB, jewel case is cracked and broken.
PS1 Raystorm $45 Loose.
PS1 Sesame Street Sports $8 CIB.
PS1 Sim Theme Park $6 Missing manual/front page.
PS1 Spongebob Squarepants Super Sponge $8 CIB, greatest hits.
PS1 Tetris Plus $6 CIB, jewel case is cracked.
PS1 Tiger Woods '99 $7 CIB.
PS1 Triple Play 99 $2 Loose.
PS1 Vigilante 8 $10 Loose.
PS1 WWF Smackdown $10 Missing manual/cover page.
PS1 WWF Warzone (Have two copies) $6/$4 One copy loose, one copy CIB.
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PS2 Def Jam Vendetta $22 Loose.
PS2 Enter the Matrix $10 CIB.
PS2 Ever Grace $20 CIB.
PS2 Grand Theft Auto III $5 Loose.
PS2 Hunter The Reckoning Wayward $6 Loose.
PS2 IHRA Professional Drag Racing 2005 $4 Loose.
PS2 Justice League Heroes $11 CIB.
PS2 Medal of Honor Frontline $4 CIB.
PS2 Naruto Ultimate Collection $110 Sealed! Please inquire for pics. Really cool collector's game.
PS2 Nightshade $28 Loose.
PS2 Onimusha Blade Warriors $9 Loose.
PS2 Playstation Underground Jampack $4 Loose.
PS2 R-Type Final $17 Loose.
PS2 Rygar $7 Loose.
PS2 Shinobi $11 Loose.
PS2 Spiderman $9 CIB.
PS2 Spongebob Squarepants Battle for Bikini Bottom $12 CIB.
PS2 Tetris Worlds $6 CIB.
PS2 The Thing $42 CIB.
PS2 Thunder Strike: Operation Phoenix $6 CIB.
PS2 CASE & MANUAL Dragon Ball Z Budokai Tenkaichi 2 $10 Case and manual only.
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PS3 The Last Of Us $20 CIB.
PS3 NBA 2k18 $10 Loose.
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PSP G-Force $3 Missing manual.
PSP Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter 2 $8 CIB.
PSP Ghostbusters The Video Game $11 Loose in gamestop box.
PSP Ghost Rider $12 Loose in gamestop box.
PSP God of War Chains of Olympus $16 Loose.
PSP Hakuoki: Demon of the Fleeting Blossom $15 UMD, case and original artwork only.
PSP Kingdom of Paradise $5 Missing manual.
PSP Lego Star Wars III: The Clone Wars $12 CIB.
PSP LocoRoco $4 Loose.
PSP Lunar Silver Star Harmony $70 Sealed.
PSP Madden NFL 12 $20 CIB.
PSP Madden 2007 $5 CIB.
PSP Madden 2008 $5 CIB.
PSP Medal of Honor Heroes 2 $10 CIB.
.PSP Monster Hunter Freedom $18 Missing manual.
PSP MX vs ATV: Reflex $5 Loose in gamestop box.
PSP NBA 10 The Inside $6 CIB.
PSP NBA Live 2007 $5 CIB.
PSP Neopets Petpet Adventures The Wand of Wishing $5 Loose.
PSP Prince of Persia Rival Swords (Have two copies) $10 Both CIB.
PSP SNK Arcade Classics Volume 1 $16 Loose.
PSP Socom U.S. Navy Seals Fireteam Bravo $4 CIB.
PSP Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas $7 CIB.
PSP Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's Tag Force 5 $30 Box, UMD, and original artwork only.
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Xbox Doom 3 $10 CIB.
Xbox Evil Dead Fistful of Boomstick $20 Box, disc, and original artwork only.
Xbox Metal Slug 3 $20 CIB.
Xbox Soul Calibur II $10 CIB.
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Xbox 360 Call of Duty Black Ops $12 CIB.
Xbox 360 Dragon's Dogma $5 CIB.
Xbox 360 Forza Horizon $17 CIB.
Xbox 360 Killer is Dead $20 Missing manual, otherwise CIB. Special Edition.Xbox 360 NCAA Football 12 $16 CIB.
Xbox 360 NCAA Football 13 $25 CIB.
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Xbox One Elder Scrolls Online: Tamriel Unlimited $3 CIB.
Xbox One Rock Band 4 (Have two copies) $15 ea Both CIB.
Xbox One Titanfall $3 CIB.
Xbox One Rainbow Six Siege $3 Loose.
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PC Command & Conquer 4: Tiberian Twilight $8 Comes with manual in original case.
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GAME MANUALS:
Gameboy Batman Forever $10 Good.
Gameboy Boxxle II $20 Good.
Gameboy Tetris $4 Good.
Gameboy Advance Activision Anthology $10 Good.
Nintendo 64 007 GoldenEye $6 Good.
Nintendo 64 Mission Impossible $5 Good.
Nintendo 64 Mortal Kombat 4 $10 Good.
Nintendo 64 NBA Hang Time $6 Good.
Nintendo 64 Super Mario 64 $10 Good.
Nintendo 64 Super Smash Bros $12 Good.
Nintendo 64 Wayne Gretzky's 3D Hockey $5 Good.
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AMIIBOS:
Blue Yarn Yoshi Good $15 Loose.
Chibi-Robo Good $10 Loose.
Green Yarn Yoshi Good $15 Loose.
Link Good $25 Loose, smash bros.
Marth Good $10 Loose.
Waddle Dee Good $13 Loose.
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GAME ACCESORIES:
Poke Ball Plus $55 Loose, in good condition. No Mew.
OEM Nintendo Gameboy Mini Backpack $20 Cool little OEM nintendo collectible. Blue color, in good condition.
Club Nintendo Luigi Hat DS Carry Case Bag Pouch $20 Good condition, cool Luigi collectible.
Gameshark Pro 3.3 $20 Loose.
3rd party Gamecube memory cards $5 3rd party memory cards.
OEM Gamecube Controllers $35 ea Have four available, two black and two indigo, all have nice and tight sticks.
OEM Gameboy Four Player Adapter $15 Loose in good condition.
OEM SNES Controller $15 1 controller available, in good condition.
OEM Nintendo 64 Controller $20 Green controller, nice and tight stick.
OEM Nintendo 64 Controller Pak $30 CIB, box in okay condition.
OEM PS1 Controller $15 One PS One controller available.

Few years back I met a guy right after a break up and fell head over heels. We both pretty much did. Dating for about 6 months and I found out he was married. At that point we were both already in love. I was also much younger and we decided to try it out. I know it wasn’t right. We were together for a while, held each other down through a lot and became almost inseparable. He told me almost everything..meaning how he was seeing me. We eventually ended things and it wasn’t very pretty at first. He called me one night and said someone sent a message to his wife outing us and tried to accuse me. It wasn’t me. After that he flipped on me, accused me of attacking his family. Ghosted me for a months. Then began talking and wanted to meet. He wanted to show me a packet that his wife got from a PI…had my info, pictures, my address all sorts of shit. He was trying to warn me to relax and what not. We stayed in touch and eventually started seeing each other again from time to time….but talking again every day. It’s now at the point where things are a little tense. He’s threatening to disappear and shit. I think my head is so fucked up and manipulated after all that has gone on that I don’t even know what to say. He’s not doing anything for me, idk why I haven’t blocked or ghosted

https://minimalfreaks.co/2023/06/beatport-top-100-downloads-june-2023/

1. Crazibiza – Fresh (House of Prayers Poolside Edit) 04:44 123bpm Bb
2. Murphy’s Law (UK) – Ain’t No Other Man (Rework – Extended Mix) 05:27 128bpm Gbm
3. Mau P – Your Mind Is Dirty (Extended Mix) 05:17 128bpm Ab
4. ESSEL – Sweat (Extended Mix) 05:04 127bpm Ebm
5. Chris Stussy – All Night Long (Original Mix) 07:06 133bpm Fm
6. Samantha Loveridge, Treetalk – Losing My Religion (Extended Mix) 07:21 122bpm Dm
7. Vintage Culture – Rock The Casbah (Extended Mix) 04:04 128bpm Am
8. Dimension – DJ Turn It Up (Original Mix) 02:57 87bpm F
9. Aluna, Chris Lake – Beggin’ (Extended Mix) 05:28 126bpm Eb
10. Heerhorst, Teenage Mutants, PETER PAHN – Dark Clouds (feat. Heerhorst, Peter Pahn) (Original Mix) 05:55 135bpm G
11. Four Tet, Skrillex, Fred again.. – Baby again.. (Original Mix) 05:20 127bpm G
12. Sllash & Doppe – Bamboleo (Original Mix) 06:31 124bpm Dbm
13. James Hype – Lose Control (Original Mix) 05:09 128bpm E
14. Kyle Watson, Sage The Gemini, Iamsu! – Gas Pedal (Kyle Watson Extended Remix) 04:20 127bpm Gb
15. Larse – A Part Of (Riva Starr Extended Saturn Mix) 05:47 126bpm Dm
16. Meduza – Friends (Extended Mix) 06:24 125bpm Abm
17. JD Davis, DJs From Mars, Oliver Heldens – Blue Monday (feat. JD Davis) (Extended Mix) 05:36 126bpm Dm
18. Kevin McKay – Tom’s Diner (Extended Mix) 04:46 124bpm Fm
19. Biscits – Don’t Stop (Original Mix) 05:04 127bpm Dbm
20. Eli Brown – Be The One (Extended Mix) 05:19 136bpm Bb
21. Nic Fanciulli, Butch – I Want You (Extended Mix) 08:30 125bpm Dbm
22. MK, Dom Dolla – Rhyme Dust (Dimension Extended Remix) 03:46 87bpm G
23. MK, Dom Dolla – Rhyme Dust (Extended) 05:30 128bpm G
24. The Shapeshifters – Lola’s Theme (VIP) 07:18 125bpm Gm
25. Westend, Noizu, No/Me – Push To Start (feat. No/Me) (Original Mix) 05:31 128bpm Ebm
26. MD X-Spress – God Made Me Phunky (Jess Bays Extended Remix) 07:23 128bpm Abm
27. Jamie Jones – Lose My Mind (Extended Mix) 07:00 124bpm Eb
28. Dominator, Logan D – Cowboy (Primate Remix) 04:34 88bpm D
29. David Guetta, La Bouche, Hypaton – Be My Lover (2023 Mix – Extended Mix) 03:59 126bpm Cm
30. Joshwa – Magalenha (Extended Mix) 06:30 128bpm Am
31. Calvin Harris, Ellie Goulding – Miracle (Mau P Remix) 06:01 128bpm Cm
32. Kevin McKay – Get Busy (Extended Mix) 05:12 126bpm Fm
33. John Summit, Hayla – Where You Are (Extended Mix) 05:10 126bpm Am
34. Jansons – Messan (Original Mix) 06:00 128bpm A
35. Superchumbo, Ben Sterling – All Over My Body (feat. Superchumbo) (Original Mix) 06:36 126bpm E
36. ANOTR, Abel Balder – Relax My Eyes (Original Mix) 06:36 132bpm Bbm
37. Kolter – Bust a Beat (Original Mix) 06:46 128bpm Ebm
38. GENESI (ITA) – Everything You Have Done (Meduza Edit Extended) 05:39 125bpm Gm
39. Babes on the Run – Your Body (Original Mix) 04:41 126bpm E
40. Delerium, Sarah McLachlan – Silence feat. Sarah McLachlan (Stereo Express Remix) 07:16 94bpm A
41. Anyma (ofc) – Explore Your Future (Extended Version) 05:09 124bpm E
42. Matroda – Throw Your Hands (Original Mix) 04:34 126bpm Ebm
43. Jansons – Nite Life (Original Mix) 05:00 128bpm A
44. Paluma – Rapture (Kevin McKay Extended ViP) 06:07 126bpm Bbm
45. Bob Sinclar – Vision Of Paradise (Riva Starr Extended Remix) 06:11 125bpm G
46. Sub Focus, MC ID – Alarm (Original Mix) 03:07 131bpm F
47. Claptone – Euphoria (Extended Mix) 05:24 125bpm Am
48. Maz (BR), Antdot, Sued Nunes – Povoada (Remix) 05:48 124bpm Bbm
49. Carl Cox, Reinier Zonneveld, Christopher Coe – Inferno (Space 92 Remix) 05:58 134bpm Ab
50. Westend – Maracuya (Extended Mix) 05:37 126bpm D
51. Bart Skils, Weska – Something More (Original Mix) 06:36 131bpm F
52. CID, Sage Armstrong – The Function (Extended Mix) 05:32 127bpm Gm
53. Audio Bullys, Michael Bibi, KinAhau – Different Side (Original Mix) 05:32 128bpm C
54. Cassian, ICEHOUSE – Great Southern Land (Original Mix) 06:07 124bpm Dbm
55. Angelo Ferreri – Ask Yourself (Can You Dance) (Extended Mix) 05:57 124bpm Eb
56. Princess Superstar, Hamdi – Counting (Original Mix) 03:52 105bpm Fm
57. Future, Swedish House Mafia, Fred again.. – Turn On The Lights again.. (feat. Future) [Anyma Remix] (Extended) 05:01 126bpm Gbm
58. Meduza, Poppy Baskcomb – Upside Down (feat. Poppy Baskcomb) (Extended Mix) 06:24 128bpm Bb
59. Jimi Jules – My City’s On Fire (Anyma & Cassian Extended Remix) (Original Mix) 05:12 126bpm B
60. Chris Avantgarde, Anyma (ofc) – Eternity (Extended Mix) 05:20 125bpm Cm
61. Depeche Mode – Ghosts Again (Massano Remix) 06:42 124bpm Gbm
62. Bart Skils – Roll the Dice (Original Mix) 06:08 132bpm F
63. Bob Sinclar – World Hold On feat. Steve Edwards (Fisher Rework, Extended Mix) 05:33 127bpm Abm
64. Break – Headshot (Original Mix) 04:16 87bpm F
65. Delerium, Sarah McLachlan – Silence feat. Sarah McLachlan (Kryder Extended Remix) 06:32 125bpm Am
66. Victor Ruiz – Touch The Darkness (Original Mix) 07:33 135bpm G
67. Nico de Andrea, Vanetty – Ethnica (Extended Mix) 07:03 123bpm Dbm
68. Eelke Kleijn, Lee Cabrera – Self Control (Extended Mix) 04:01 122bpm Gbm
69. Yotto, Something Good, Sansa – Before Dawn feat. Sansa (Extended Mix) 06:42 124bpm Dm
70. Max Dean – Can’t Slow Down (Original Mix) 06:31 128bpm Dm
71. Jay de Lys – Tired Of Loving (Original Mix) 06:33 128bpm Gbm
72. Creeds – Push Up (Original Mix) 04:00 160bpm G
73. Nari, Steve Tosi – Stayin’ Da Club (Original Mix) 04:39 121bpm Fm
74. Chris Stussy – Rose Bay (Original Mix) 07:27 131bpm Gb
75. Nari, Tom Silver, Dead As Disko, Steve Tosi – About You Now (Original Mix) 04:51 123bpm Gbm
76. Tiesto, Mathame – Feel Your Ghost (Extended Mix) 03:53 133bpm Dbm
77. Mau P – Gimme That Bounce (Original Mix) 05:21 126bpm Eb
78. Sub Focus, Metrik – Trip (Original Mix) 04:31 87bpm F
79. Vintage Culture, Meca, Bhaskar, The Vic – Tina (Extended) 05:34 128bpm F
80. Junior Jack, Juliet Sikora, Flo MRZDK – Thrill Me (Extended Mix) 06:02 128bpm Gm
81. The Blessed Madonna, Fred again.. – Marea (we’ve lost dancing) (Original Mix) 04:45 123bpm Fm
82. Charlotte de Witte – Overdrive (Original Mix) 06:48 138bpm F
83. Underworld – Two Months Off (Tim Green Remix) 11:07 121bpm Fm
84. Monolink, Stephan Jolk – The Silence (Original Mix) 06:58 124bpm Am
85. Gaskin – A Fresh Energy (Original Mix) 08:00 130bpm Em
86. Eelke Kleijn, Lee Cabrera – Self Control (Eelke Kleijn 12AU Cosmic Aeroplane Mix) 09:48 122bpm Gbm
87. Block & Crown, Lissat – Gimme A Bloody Mary (Original Mix) 05:24 125bpm Dbm
88. Loco Dice, VLTRA (IT), Francis De Simone – Flowcito (Original Mix) 06:30 129bpm Bm
89. Adriatique, Eynka – Beyond Us (Hatshepsut Extended Version) 05:23 126bpm Fm
90. Coco, Joezi, Pape Diouf – 7 Seconds (Original Mix) 07:07 124bpm Gb
91. Bootie Brown, Tame Impala, Gorillaz – New Gold (feat. Tame Impala and Bootie Brown) (Dom Dolla Remix Extended) 06:03 127bpm Em
92. Burt Cope – Higher Level (DJ Mix Edit) 03:57 87bpm Gm
93. Enrico Sangiuliano – Physical Change (Original Mix) 09:58 134bpm Ab
94. Solar State, Dualities – Crazy In Love (feat. Gia Koka) (Extended Mix) 03:31 127bpm Dm
95. Andrew Meller – Born Slippy (Luca Morris Extended Remix) 06:40 130bpm Gb
96. Kevin McKay, Pupa Nas T, Denise Belfon – Work (Extended Mix) 05:48 128bpm Ebm
97. Block & Crown – Mr Vain Feat. Daisy (Original Mix) 05:19 128bpm Am
98. Lee Foss, Cheryl Lynn, Wuki – To Be Real (Extended Mix) 04:35 130bpm Dm
99. Camille Doe – Alright (Extended Mix) 06:33 128bpm D
100. Raxon – The Cage Of Love (Extended Mix) 06:18 128bpm C

If I had to pick an embarrassing moment which will haunt me until I die—it has to be the time I tried out for The Sunbeam cheer squad last year. I was a freshman, and I wanted community. Friends.
I heard the cheer squad were just an extra-curricular group rather than an actual majoring level class, so I figured I’d give them a shot. It’s not like I could ignore them.
On my first day when I was moving into my dorm room, I must have walked into the same girl three times. I am in strict belief that it is not possible for a human being to be permanently happy.
And yet that was her. She wandered around like the sun shone right out of her ass, and it was both endearing and terrifying.
The girl resembled the sun herself, a halo of golden curls held in a scrunchie and a flaunting sundress, matching ribbons wrapped around her. The Sunbeam Squad were easy to spot because they were all wearing insanely bright yellow—waving around gold streamers, ribbons tangled in their hair. They all spoke in insanely high pitched voices like they inhaled helium for a living, but that must have been their shtick, right? It was kind of cute. I wasn’t expecting such a welcome in the shape of guy’s and girl’s looking like they had just stepped off of ABC Kids. The girl who handed me a flyer and yelled in my face about school spirit was practically hopping up and down, a bright grin splitting her lips apart.
I nodded and smiled politely, stuffing the flyer in my bag and heading into my room to finish moving my stuff in. When I looked out of my window a few hours later, the Sunbeam squad was still threaded through the crowd, each of them wrapped in glittering fairy lights illuminated in the late evening sunset glow. Sunbeam. Yeah, I got it, but it was still kinda overkill. They were starting to remind me of a cult.
That, however, didn’t stop me trying out. I’m fairly athletic, and they were exactly what I wanted. I’ve never had a group of people I could call friends.
Though it’s not like I could blame anyone but myself. I was a shut-in for most of high school. I either worked or preferred my own company in my room. One of my biggest regrets is pushing people away, friends I wanted to get even closer to. Because now they had built these lifelong friendships and relationships, and I was stuck at 18 years old with nobody but childhood friends I spoke to once a year when we sent mutual holiday greetings to each other. But college could change that.
At least, that’s what I hoped. I spoke to as many people as possible on my first day—and in my head I was making them. Slowly but surely I was actually making friends in my classes I wanted to hang out with.
Sunbeam were my attempt to go even further and join a club. Through word of mouth in my first few weeks of classes, I learned they were more of an extra-curricular group for fun.
They didn’t cheer competitively and had been formed in the mid-90’s by some kids who wanted to make a community out of positivity and school spirit. Sunbeam had a reputation for being Watson State student body’s beacons—and their team’s good luck charm. It was well known across campus that the squad was the reason behind the college’s fortune.
It had been like that since they formed 30 years ago, with members through the generations carrying out that pledge to spread as much pep as possible. While I say that they seemed nice judging from what I heard from others, they weren’t exactly the easiest clique to get into. Unless you were on the squad.
I saw them around campus between classes. They always moved as a group, the six of them with their arms wrapped around each other, brandishing the school colours. The guy’s in loose fitting varsity jackets, while the girl’s flaunted cheer skirts.
The way they acted was a little too close, like they were more than friends—and community and friendship had bled into something else. Like they had just walked out of an early 2000’s teen movie. Not that I was complaining. Their style was intriguing. They were like this untouchable group of god’s who had been placed on the highest pedestals. They ruled over campus, which made me want to get to know them even more. So, I tried out. Which was my first mistake of many in my freshman year.
It didn’t hit me that I was in way over my head until I was in the college gymnasium, standing in front of a four person panel like I was auditioning for a Hollywood movie. Sunbeam took their try-outs incredibly seriously. Which was weird considering they were known to be the complete opposite.
There were maybe fifty or so applicants, and we had to stand near the back wall and watch others try out one by one. Which was already setting off my anxiety. Weren’t they supposed to be closed try-outs? Initially, I was excited.
I had my routine in my head. What I had learned from watching the squad at my old school. High V, Low V, followed by a Touchdown, and then a backflip. I was confident. I mean, it ticked most cheer moves off, and even had a flip to complete the routine. My high school were a multi-sex quad, so I learned a lot from watching the guy’s moves during pep rallies.
I wasn’t really worried about the quality of the moves since they were known not to take everything too seriously. But watching the others try-out, impossible flips without crash mats and twisting their bodies in ways I didn’t know was possible, I quickly realised I was screwed. My competitors were acting like they were auditioning for an Olympic level team. My gut was dancing when I took centre stage.
The panel were made up of four members of the squad. Two boys and two girl’s, including the blonde who handed me the flyer on my first day. I was surprised when her eyes lit up with recognition.
"Oh, I know you!" She squeaked. Leaning forward, her smile seemed to brighten, illuminating her features. All four of them seemed to emanate a warm glow.
I felt myself relax slightly, the knot in my stomach loosening. Maybe their heightened positivity thing wasn’t a shtick, after all. The girl, as well as the other members of the team seemed genuinely happy to see me trying out. “What’s your name?” Her voice reverberated off of the walls, and I was suddenly aware of a dozen other students watching me.
“Alex.” I said, offering a shy wave. “Hey.”
Still grinning, she nudged a redhead next to her playfully. The guy was like no other I’d seen before. He was a god damn traffic light. He was easy to spot in a crowd and was usually one of the low-key members who kept his head down. All of those colours painting him, and yet somehow he wasn’t blinding people.
Though admittedly, he suited them; bright red hair clashing with the blue and gold of his football jersey, pasty skin and dark eyes drinking me in while the blonde girl pulled at his sleeve. “See, I told you annoying freshmen would work!”
In response, he chuckled, rolling his eyes. “Whatever you say, Evie.” The guy straightened up, leaning his chin on his fist, a curious spark in his eyes. “Alright.” Twisting around in his chair, he signalled for music. When it started, the beat slammed into me, rumbling under my feet. “Let’s see what you’ve got!”
I’m not going to describe my routine because I don’t have time to describe how fucking bad I was. In my head, I was doing okay. I was ready to finish with my back flip, but the music abruptly cut off and I found myself struggling to find my breath with my hands in the air, panting like an idiot. The blonde maintained her smile, but it was slightly strained. I could tell she was struggling to keep the façade of a Sunbeam member while also retaining critical thinking.
The redhead looked like he was in pain. He was first to speak, and I could tell by his sympathy smile I’d screwed up. The others who I hadn’t fully taken in until that moment, an asian American guy, and a girl with pigtails, were laughing like pre-schoolers. And they didn’t stop until the redhead shot them the warning eyes.
Weirdly enough, the crowd of onlookers didn’t join in. I expected the redhead to politely tell me I sucked, but instead he cocked his head, chewing on his pen. “You’re good.” He said. “You’re a good dancer, and I liked your moves…”
He trailed off. “But it’s positivity we’re looking for. And you didn’t smile once through your whole routine which made you look stiff. Like you weren’t even enjoying it.” He shrugged helplessly. “I like you, and I like your dancing. And I’m sure you could be better if you worked on it. There are countless dancing clubs here, so maybe you might be better fitted there.” After exchanging a look with the blonde, he sighed. “Unfortunately, you’re not the type of person we’re looking for.”
Evie nodded. “I agree. We pride ourselves on staying positive and smiling. I didn’t see that on you, Alex.”
“Same here.” Pigtails, still giggling, joined in. “I don’t think you’ve got enough school spirit.”
The other guy scoffed. He looked to be of Korean descent. Unlike the redhead, he was always at the centre of their group, always joking around and laughing. Just looking at him told me he was the leader. “Bullshit!” He slapped the table with one hand, running his hands through thick dark hair with the other. “I liked it. Fuck pep, amirite?” He threw his pen at the blonde, who retaliated in a squeak, lobbing hers at him. “Ignore these clowns. I think you’ve got what it takes. We just gotta work on you, y’know? All you’re missing is a cheesy grin.”
He pointed to himself, stretching his lips into the widest smile he could muster. “See? Like this.”
“Clowns?” Evie shook her head. “I didn’t see one smile. Sunbeam is all about smiling!”
“You make us sound like a cult.” The Korean-American caught my eye. “Which we’re not, by the way. These guys are just scared of change.”
“Okay, that’s too far.” Pigtails shot him a scowl. Are you seriously disrespecting the alumni who created us? Who birthed us?
“Well, yeah!” He threw his paper at her. “Sunbeam is a pep cult. We get high off of happiness. I thought we distinguished that.”
“Take that back!”
“Never! Why do you think I joined? To get high! Do you really think I joined for the cheering?”
They were joking around. I could tell by the smiles on their faces—a smile I knew I would never be able to mimic.
“Quiet.” The redhead shushed them. The guy had been sitting silently. Studying me. He leaned back, folding his arms.
“See, even now—even when I’m considering giving you a chance, there’s no hope in your eyes. Not even a glitter of excitement. You’re still not smiling and that’s what we want, Alex. We want people who will embody what Sunbeam is all about. Even if I give you a second chance to brighten up your routine your smile will be fake. And that’s not what we want. We want people who are willing to shed their humanity and become beacons.”
Beacons, huh?
And they were seriously saying they weren’t a cult?
The redhead stabbed at his sheet of paper with the end of his pen. “Can’t you just give us one smile? It won’t kill you.”
It was then when the others watching started to laugh—and I wanted to punch the asshole in the face.
“Dude, chill.” The Korean-American played with his pen, twirling it between two fingers. “He’s right, as much as I hate saying it. We do need smilers, unfortunately. But hey, you can try out next year! Just remember to smile, alright?” He threw something at me. A squashed candy bar.
Which made me look even more pathetic.
I found myself nodding, even when I knew it was all bullshit. Still though, what each member had told me hit me harder than it should have. They were just words, what could they do? It turned out, words were far more powerful than I realised—I just didn’t know it yet. I didn’t wait for the others to speak and made a quick getaway, my gut twisting and turning.
They were a cult. That is what I decided. These guys were a cult who needed members willing to throw away their souls. Probably for ritualistic sacrifice.
They needed weak people, I thought. Even when part of me knew they were right. I wasn't a smiler. Every photo I'm in, I'm either frowning or look constipated. Still though, I didn't dwell on the try-outs for too long. By the time a week had gone by, I had mostly forgotten about it and threw myself into my studies and college life.
Though something was wrong with me. It was as if the world had slowed down, had stopped making sense completely. Every day felt like a dream, and I myself felt like I was a ghost, like I was disassociating from my own body. Conversations with people felt fake. Like I was making them up.
I remember waking up day after day in a daze I couldn’t get myself out of. It was only several weeks later did the thick mind fog which had been blanketing my brain finally lift—only for me to hear the news that all six members of the Sunbeam squad had disappeared. I don’t know how I didn’t notice, how I didn’t see the police investigation, or hear rumours being spread around like wildfire.
According to the college, it wasn't technically considered a disappearance since the members were all over eighteen, no longer minors. However, an investigation was conducted, with a statement being released that they were due to be performing at Knoxville College, cheering on our football team. But they never turned up. And what made it worse, was their bus was found abandoned on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Sounds bad, right?
Well, that's what we all thought. Vigils were already being held, and bodies weren't even found yet. Every time I walked back to my dorm after classes, the night would be lit up in warm golden light, candles flickering in the breeze. I'm not sure how many days had gone by-- they all seemed to blur into one-- when our college made another statement. The members of the Sunbeam squad were alive and healthy and had been sent to a training academy for professionals.
When the student body responded with confusion and scepticism, the college reassured us they were coming back once they were finished training. And while my classmates were relieved, I found myself confused. Sunbeam didn't cheer competitively. Their whole thing was that all they wanted to do was spread cheer and pep, regardless of how good they were. I had seen them perform, and they were good, sure. They were better than average. But definitely not good enough to be trained into pro’s. Their moves were too clumsy, too half assed—which I was convinced they thought overwhelming amounts of positivity could fix. So it didn’t make sense that they had been sent to some training academy. I kept up my scepticism until I saw them for myself.
The college were right. Sunbeam returned a week later like nothing had happened.
I did see a change in them. I think that was a universal opinion though. Sunbeam were well known for their pep and cheer, their constant smiling faces which drove me crazy—and it’s not like that stopped. They still smiled. They still walked around campus laughing together, in their own little world. That was when people were watching. When they had an audience. I caught them when they didn’t have an audience. Without eyes on them, they detached from each other, their eyes darkening, expressions twisting, like each of them could smell something rotten in the air. I started noticing they were getting progressively clumsier at keeping up that Sunbeam façade they must have pledged when they joined the group. I figured it was just tiredness. They must have been through some pretty intense training.
Anyway, months went by. I started to feel less distant, and the fog which had been choking me faded, thankfully. I started my junior year moving into a shared house with my roommate, and the only talk I’d heard about Sunbeam was that one of their ex members was rumoured to be pregnant. As for the rest of the squad, they were still popular, still talked about—but their disappearance had definitely made people wary of them. I even heard someone say they were considered bad luck. I guess people thought they had sold themselves out for a chance to get into the big leagues. And it wouldn’t surprise me.
Forced positivity can get you a long way, sure—but recognition can get you further.
It was just a few weeks ago when I was invited to a game. Our first of the season, thanks to delays due to cuts in the sports department. I’m not much of a sports fan, though I needed a distraction from the copious amounts of assignments I’d let pile on my desk.
When I sat down with a chilli dog and Coke, I wasn’t expecting to get so invested in a game where I had no idea what was happening. It was loud and obnoxious and I was choking on the stink of fried food, but it was fun. It was fun until Sunbeam walked out onto the side-lines. I glimpsed them in a blur of blue and gold, and a dull pain crawled across the back of my head. “You okay?” My housemate’s voice was barely distinguishable in my ears, when I found myself transfixed by the way they moved in erratic jumps, quickly taking position. They had gotten better. Everything which was Sunbeam had been stripped away. Their smiles were forced. Wrong.
I remembered they used to push and shove each other, making the crowd laugh. Now though, they were in almost perfect sync in the way they moved, no longer shakily, sometimes stumbling into each other. Their routine was longer than it usually was—and when the Korean-American guy perfected a triple flip, the crowd went crazy. I expected him to smile when he landed, grinning into the audience to generate what Sunbeam was made for. But his expression stayed stoic. Robotic. They were stiff. Heads up, backs straight, staring ahead of them. I was told when I tried out that fake smiles weren’t allowed, and yet that was all I was seeing. I was seeing egotistical grins and curled lips, quick glances between each member.
I expected looks of reassurances, and in jokes only they found funny. Instead, it looked like a mutual agreement.
They were planning something. From the looks on their faces, it wasn’t a firework show.
Sunbeam used to generate happiness. Their smiles, even under a façade, had always been real.
These guys emanated power. The way they stood. The guy’s at the front, readying what I guessed was a lift, and the girl’s on top of them.
Their routine ended with the music reaching a climax, and the two main girl’s being lifted into the air while performing High V’s.
But they didn’t stop there.
When the crowd exploded with applause, one of the girl’s slowly raised her arms and shot into the crowd with finger guns.
She shot twice—and with every time she pulled that imaginary trigger, her painted lips stretched into a maniacal grin.Until her gaze was on me. And then behind me. I could see it in her glittering eyes I could no longer call human. I met Evie at the start of my freshman year, and then at the disastrous try-outs.
I knew her wide smile, and the glint of passion twisting her expression—a love for the group and the members she couldn’t put into words. Right then I wasn’t seeing Evie, a Sunbeam cheerleader. I was seeing something else entirely, a being scanning faces in the crowd for a victim.
Her expression seemed to melt, from a gleeful grin, to something twisted and putrid, someone who craved the exact opposite of what Sunbeam preached. I watched her lips. I watched the words pop into existence, drowned into nothing by the crowds cheering. But I saw them in perfect clarity. “Drop.” She said, before pulling the imaginary trigger again.
No sooner had the words left her mouth before someone screamed behind me. I twisted around to see a guy had collapsed. He was pronounced dead five minutes later by his sobbing girlfriend who had attempted CPR. When I twisted back to look out onto the field, the Sunbeam Squad were gone. It didn’t make sense that they were the ones to cause the guy’s death—but it couldn’t have been a coincidence, right? Evie had shot into the crowd at the exact same time the guy had dropped dead. Finger guns weren’t a weapon of course, but the timing was too coincidental. I already knew there was something wrong with Sunbeam. And this just strengthened my claims.
Obviously, when I tried to tell people this, I was called crazy. Delusional. I reported it to the student information building and just got a blank stare.
The woman wasn’t even attempting to hear my story. She just heard “murder” and “Sunbeam” and her lips curved into an amused smirk. “You know, you are quite fascinating,” leaning back against her chair, the woman frowned at me through wonky glasses. "First you unexpectedly quit, and then you accuse them of murder. Which I can tell you is false.”
She flipped through a notebook in front of her. “According to the autopsy report released a few days ago, the young man died of a brain haemorrhage, not the result of being pretend shot at by a cheerleader miming finger-guns.” The woman cleared her throat.
“Tell me, what exactly do you have against the Sunbeam squad?"
“What?”
“You quit the squad at the end of your freshman year,” she said, “And now you’re trying to accuse them of murder? Fascinating.”
Her words struck me, a shiver sliding down my spine. The office was cosy, and when I sunk into the rich leather of the couch in front of a roaring fire I recognised the book on her desk. It was a dog eared copy of Harry Potter. I’d seen it before. But that was impossible. I had never been in her office. “Quit?” I shook my head. “No, I don’t…” I trailed off, stumbling over my words. “I’ve never been part of Sunbeam.”
“Were you not?” She shook her head, a crease forming between her brows. “Ah, I must be getting you mixed up with someone else.”
I nodded. “Just… can you just listen to me? That Evie girl was fucking—”
She cut me off. “Language.”
“Sorry. Evie. She was… I don’t know what she was doing... she was doing like... like magic?”
“Are you sure you didn’t dream it?”
“Yes!"
“Mmm hmm.” The woman cleared her throat, dismissing my protests. “I’m not a doctor, but If you’re experiencing memory loss and confusion, I suggest you go to the hospital. As for your ludicrous claims, you should keep them to yourself. That poor young man died due to a brain haemorrhage. Terrible and tragic, yes. But it was accidental, and not the work of… I’m sorry, what were you claiming it to be?”
“Magic.” I said, again.
When she raised her brow, I couldn’t resist a groan. “I saw her! She shot into the crowd and mouthed something!”
“She… mouthed something?”
“Yes! But—"
Again, her words sliced into mine. “Okay, let’s say you were right,” she said. “If you are saying this girl shot into the crowd with her imaginary gun, wouldn’t it be a gun shot which would have killed him? You said it yourself—, it was some kind of witchy magic to kill him. So, where was the bullet wound?” When I tried to speak, she raised her arm to shut me up.
“Exactly. There was none. Because the man suffered a haemorrhagic stroke, and nothing could be done to save him. Your claims a group of young people carried this out as a murder is not only blatant defamation, but also disrespectful to the young man and his family. Now, please leave my office. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” The woman nodded for me to stand up. “I think you have been watching too much TV. Might I suggest focusing on your studies?”
I left her office, slamming the door.
My housemate wasn’t helpful when I told him. He told me I was maybe a little too obsessed with Sunbeam. He headed to work, and I ended up in the lounge trying to focus on an episode of Criminal Minds. But I couldn’t stop thinking about Evie.
I saw what she said.
Drop.
But it wasn’t the force of her imaginary finger-guns ricocheting back. It was the word. Drop.
It had been alive on her lips like it was a sentient thing bleeding into existence. I managed to fall asleep, twisted like a pretzel in my housemate’s favourite chair, when three loud knocks on the door tore me from slumber. I was on my feet, blinking, disoriented. It was rare when we got a visitor. Stumbling over to the door, I had a moment of hesitation. I imagined Evie on the other side.
I imagined her raising her hand and shooting her pretend finger-guns directly into my head.
When I opened the door, I was surprised to see three little kids. The youngest must have been maybe nine years old. To my surprise, they were dressed in Halloween costumes. There was a little witch, a ghost, and a scarecrow all carrying pumpkin shaped holders It took me a moment to realise I was staring at a group of Trick or Treaters. It wasn’t even mid-October yet.
“Hey there,” I said, “Uh, you guys are a little early.”
The little girl’s eyes were wide and unblinking. “We want candy.” She held out her candy holder. “Now.”
I decided to be firm with them. “It’s not Halloween.” I said, taking a small step back. I was grasping the handle, ready to slam it in their faces. These little shits were freaking me out. Not just their tone, but their expressions were vacant. There were no lights on and that terrified me. “Sorry kids, I don’t have any candy. But like I said, come back when it’s actually Halloween, and I’ll have candy bars for all of you. "
What I wasn’t expecting was for the Scarecrow to pull a knife out of his pumpkin shaped candy holder. He didn’t hold it like a kid should, clumsily, confused. There was a strategic way the way his fingers were wrapped around the handle—like he’d brandished one before. The kid held the knife up to his own neck and made a slicing motion. Like the little girl, his eyes were blank. Unblinking. There was something wrong in the way he was standing. Stiff, like a puppet on strings. “Are you fucking kidding me?” He squeaked out a laugh. I didn’t see him lunge forward, I was already moving back, stumbling, losing my footing.
The kid moved with impossible speed—and before I knew what was happening, the hilt of the knife was buried in my lower leg. I didn’t even feel pain. My body was being driven by adrenaline, pushing me to get away from him. I remember falling back. I remember my own trembling hands grasping hold of the handle and pulling out the knife. Red was pooling down my jeans and onto our hardwood floor. The little kids turned around and ran back down the steps into the night, and I watched them in a sort of daze.
They didn’t move like normal.
They stalked down the sidewalk like video game characters. The witch shoved a passing old man before pulling out a gun and pointing it at his head. But she didn’t shoot. The three of them ran off—and it was only when I was watching the top of the girl’s witch hat disappear into the night, when I glimpsed something—or someone—at the corner of my eye.
Before I heard laughter. The tree in front of me moved. At first I thought they were shadow’s. Before the shadows bled into figures. Four of them. I glimpsed the school colours. Blue and Gold. I saw twin ponytails, velvet and blonde-- as well as the tell-tale Sunbeam varsity jacket. The group were laughing, whispering to each other. Not exactly doing a good job of hiding. When they slipped from their hiding place, I recognised Evie. Her fingers gingerly on her nose while intense red pooled down her chin.
The others were the same, swiping at their faces with jacket sleeves. They didn’t seem fazed. The redhead’s gaze was latched onto the retreating children, his lips curling. I could sense he was still tethered to them. He was still commanding them to act out grand theft auto. They had caused the man’s death at the game and had controlled those children.
I wasn’t crazy or delusional. Evie had killed someone by simply shooting imaginary finger guns, and somehow the others were able to bleed into children’s heads, taking them over.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I heaved out a breath. The pain was starting to hit in waves I had to grit through. I couldn’t move. I was stuck, curled up on my floor. While they laughed.
I was halfway through stabbing 911 into my phone when one of them came over. It was the Korean-American. The one who had been the nicest to me out of all of them. The real smile I remembered was gone, replaced by something inhuman. Something I didn’t want to question.
With his hands stuffed in his varsity jacket pockets, he approached me with mocking eyes, almost an attempt at trying to mimic his old self.
The guy knelt in front of me with a chuckle. “Kids these days, right? They’re animals.”
His voice, no, his words, were hurting me. I felt each one penetrate me like gunshots.
My wound wasn’t bad. That’s what I estimated, anyway. I don’t think the kid had hit anything vital. But I needed the emergency room. I still had one hand grasping at my side, drenched in red.
I managed a hiss, grasping for my phone when he pulled it out of my grasp and waved it in the air. “Fuck off. What did you do to those little kids?” I gritted out, trying to reach for my damn phone. I was starting to feel the pain in my side and it hurt like a mother fucker—dizzying bolts of electricity which felt like waves of boiling hot water slamming into me one by one. I tried to get onto my knees, but he pushed me back down again. The guy cocked his head to the side, confusion creasing his expression.
“Ouch. That must hurt.”
"What did you... what did you do?" I hissed out.
His presence was hurting me. Every time he opened his mouth, it was agony. Somehow, it was worse than the stab-wound. This kind of pain was no other I’d felt before. The type I’d rather die than feel. A cry was clawing at my throat, fight or flight taking over. Again, I tried to move, I tried to get away from him. But he was holding down my arms and prodding at my side before sticking his finger in the cut and twisting. "I didn't do anything, Alex.”
His voice barely hit me when my vision blurred and I screamed. Like a fucking animal, I screamed. But not because his fingers were digging around in my insides.
Because my brain was suddenly boiling, a metal rod piercing my skull and stirring it into a soupy mess. His voice was inside me. It was bleeding into me, taking over me. But not just his voice. The world blurred around me and I was no longer in my doorway, bleeding out against the wall.
Instead, I was moving. I was… I was walking. No, I was being dragged. Except these weren’t my memories. This wasn’t my mind. I could see bare feet beneath me delicately slapping on white tiles. When I looked up, I saw an expanse of white like I was being led straight into the clouds. This was a building. There were glass doors and electronic panels, people in black guarding each one. It took a while for me to gain my senses—or him to gain his.
We could smell something like chlorine and taste rusty coins at the back of our throat. Feel the ice cold tiles against our bare toes. A strange feeling at the back of our head. We kept wanting to run our fingers through our hair, but every time we did, our fingers only touched bare skin. Scuffed and rigged skin. Tight fingers were wrapped around our arm, dragging us further and further into a white oblivion. Until a glass door seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
From now on, I am going to describe his memories very vaguely. I’m just going to tell you what I saw.
The room we walked into reminded me of a classroom—but there were no desks. In front of me were the other members of Sunbeam pressed against the back wall. They faced forwards, their gazes penetrating nothing. But I saw they were trembling. Terrified. The squad were dressed in pale white shorts and t-shirt, ugly red spattering the front. There were still traces of blue and glitter on their faces, ribbons hanging from bedraggled curls.
Their feet were bare and filthy like ours. When we were shoved forwards, we took our place next to Evie who had half of her hair shaved off. Her arms were folded across her cheer uniform, her bare feet tapping a beat against the floor. When a woman with dark red hair held in a strict ponytail entered and asked if either of us wanted to show her what we had learned, Evie eagerly raised her hand. “Okay, Evie.” The woman’s voice was too sweet. Sickly sweet. She gestured for the girl forward. “Show us what you’ve got.”
The door opened, and a man stepped through. His hands were tied in front of him, his eyes blank.
Evie nodded, her eyes set in determination. She cleared her throat. “Shatter.”
Nothing happened.
“Intent, Evie.” The woman said. “It doesn’t matter how you say the word unless you use proper intent. Try again.”
The girl did, growling in frustration.
"Shatter.”
The man’s head flew from his torso suddenly in a river of red, and the girl squeaked in excitement.
While we watched in horror, the rest of the squad gave in to their own despair.
Different days bled into one—and we watched faces change. Heads were shaved. Hair grew back. Fear turned to joy.
A blonde girl exploded into bloody chunks, splattering against the walls.
“Yes!” The redhead high-fived pigtails, the two of them locked into some bizarre handshake. “That’s what I’m TALKING about!”
“Bang!” One of the girls used finger guns, and with each “shot” innocents dropped against the wall one by one, their heads blown through.
She jumped up and down in glee. “Bang, bang, bang!”
“Keep going,” the voice of the woman crackled through the speaker. “You’ve almost got it.”
“Divide.” Pigtails used her pointer finger at an old man who was skewed by an invisible force sending bloody chunks of him to the floor.
"Show off.” The redhead said in a sing-song voice. He was slumped against the back wall using his jersey to wipe blood from his face while the others painted the room scarlet. With simple words of intent and a hand gesture, they were able to take people apart piece by piece.
Pigtails snorted when another “test subject” was brought in. "Oh, you think you can do better?”
“Think I can? I know I can.”
This time he plunged two fingers into his temples. He was centre stage, the others against the back wall with their arms folded.
“Rip it out.”
The test subject’s eyes widened, her trembling hands clawing at her own head, fingernails digging into flesh. “Rip…rip it out?”
His lip curved. “That’s what I said.”
We didn’t see the test subject rip her own brain from her skull. We were already burying our head into our knees and screeching into the floor. Another flash. Like watching a movie.
This time we’re cutting into our wrist with shards of glass. Pulling back fleshy flaps of our flesh, there are two wires entangled with muscle and bone. One red and one blue. “Why won’t you submit?” A sharp growl, and I can feel our body pressed against metal. Our arms are restrained. “Out of all of them, you refuse it.” A hand slaps our face. “You don’t want it!”
He started to laugh.
“You don’t want… control?”
He leaned his face closer. “Tell me to mutilate myself. Tell me to… to tear out my brain stem! That’s the beauty of it! No matter how impossible the order is, it will be completed! Control, my boy. Use it. Do you even understand how much you are going to shape the world? Words! Do you know how powerful they are? When said from the right mouth, with the right intent, they can cause bloodshed, pain and misery-- a despair drowning our already shattered earth. And you will be the centre of it. You will bring this world to its knees, Jason."
"Now, do it. We call it cutting, but you will find familiarity in referring to it as erasure. You can make up your own words if you would like. What matters is the intent.” I feel something slicing into our arm. It’s nothing medical. It’s torture. He plunges something sharp into the same spot and twists the blade until we throw our head back and scream at the ceiling.
“You’re the last one.” The man hissed. “Do it.”
“No.” I heard his—our—voice. “I… I can’t!”
“Do it!”
He’s dragging us again, forcing us down a long winding corridor until we reach another door.
"Drown." The boy - - Jason's-- voice was suddenly in my head. I could sense it was trying to hold back, attempting to peel back whatever power his own words had. But the word came again and again until it was suffocating his mouth. “Drown. Drown. Drown. Drown.” We were standing in the doorway of a smaller room. In the corner there was a figure curled up with their head pressed against the wall.
It was a guy.
I recognised our school colours, a bloodied varsity jacket over shorts and t-shirt. When he lifted his head and twisted to face the boy whose mind I was in, I noticed he had an uncanny resemblance to me. His eyes wide, frightened. They were my mother's.
This guy looked exactly like me.
No, it WAS me.
My eyes were shadowed and haunted.
Like I had been drained of everything I was.
As quickly as the memories came crashing into me, they were yanked away when the guy must have pulled back.
I blinked rapidly, and Jason looked as confused as me. Slowly, he pulled his finger from my cut. The man's voice was in my skull, and it was agonising. I felt the command in my head, my body instantly reacting to... to nothing. I had my hands out, ready to do.... do something.
"That was… just a trick,” He said. “Yeah! Just a trick!”
I found myself nodding, echoing his words. Something warm ran from my nose.
"Just... a trick..." I whispered, the words forced from my lips.
Blood spattered down my chin.
“Louder.” He said.
"JUST A TRICK!" I yelled, the force of the wail sending me my knees, panting. The guy was frowning, seemingly unsure what to do with me.
He wrapped up my wound and told me it wasn’t bad—and it wasn’t. I watched in disbelief as my skin stitched itself back together.
"Go into your kitchen." Jason said, and I felt the power of his words ripping through me like bullets. My body moved on its own, and I got to my feet and stepped into my kitchen. He followed me, grabbing a scarf off of the table.
"Get on your knees." I did, dropping to my knees, my breath in my throat, my mouth sealed shut. I could sense the others in the doorway as he wrapped the scarf around my eyes, the heel of his shoe slamming into my neck forcing me onto my stomach.
"I want you to wait for me to kill you."
His words pierced into me. I did. Even when I knew he was gone, the door slamming shut-- I waited. I waited until the next morning, until I regained control over my own body and pulled the scarf from my eyes. I'm still waiting, my brain in constant panic, twisting around when I'm alone, looking into every corner.
I was roped into going to Friday's game against Harrington. During Sunbeam’s routine, they did it again. They had the crowd's attention, and Evie was mouthing something. I felt her words, sharp like needles cutting into me. But they didn't penetrate. They have done something to the student body. Ever since, I’ve been catching looks around me. Those whose heads they have crawled into. Mindless eyes. Every so often an arm will touch mine, fingers will wrap around my neck. I can hear their feet pitter pattering after me. Those little kids from that night. I keep seeing the little witch girl in the corner of my eye. They’re creating an army who are coming for me once he decides to kill me.
If only I knew what happened to the Sunbeam squad. Maybe I can help them somehow.
But something tells me they’re way past help.
And so am I.
I wonder if one day, I might be allowed a glimpse of my memories. What really happened to me during my freshman year.
And why, ever since going into his mind, I dream of a white room.

Hello everyone! I am looking to run paid games for players looking to play Fifth Edition Dungeons and Dragons in my homebrew setting with custom and updated race options and work in progress subclasses and a custom class. The sessions are $15 per session, once every two weeks for about 4-5 hour sessions, paid via PayPal.
About my DMing and play style: I am a passionate and dedicated world builder and DM that builds the world and plot of my campaigns while my players create the story around their actions. My campaigns are often a 60/40 blend of roleplay and combat, with mixes of both when applicable. I love to play with actions having consequences. I get very attached to my player characters, and I love incorporating character backstories into the world. My homebrew world is vast and just detailed enough for players to either use existing lore to insert their characters into a setting, or create something new based on what is already set up. I tend to play with rule of cool when something sounds both awesome and fitting for your character, but like to play with re-flavored rules and flare.
About the world: Ventrulor is a homebrew a world of magic and mysticism in every breath taken from the smallest halflings to the largest of giants. Explore the Midrealms of Ventrulor with vast countries and communities both conquering the surface of the land and hidden within the earth. Traverse the fires of the Underhells, and discover the heavens of the Overskies. Dominate the sea from the Pencroft Isles, or conquer the dragons of Eikedeese. Align yourself with the gothic Kidora or arid Sezevalon Empires and rule the lands of Ventrulor. Follow the legions of the Agragenia Kingdom of the frozen north, or the rich and luxurious forest nation of Loraviel. The limits are your own as you travel through the endless potential you create in the world of Ventrulor. The world itself was created by creatures known as Altiorens, higher than gods. Gods in Ventrulor maintain the world rather than create the world.
Week 1
Atop the Silent Peak: Every other Tuesday at 7:00 AM MST (Level 11 – 17/18)
• The Silent Mountains of the frozen north of the Agragenia Kingdom have barely been explored due to the harsh winters of the land, dangerous rocky terrain, and the wildlife that lives up in the mountains. Rumors have spread that there are lost riches at the peaks of the mountains, but no one has taken up the task of proving the rumors to be true. Until today, when a group of willing risk takers take the challenge to conquer the Silent Peaks.
Bishop’s Gambit: Every other Tuesday at 1:00 PM MST (Level 13 – 18)
• The grand casino of Farspark known worldwide as the Bishop’s Gambit has been home to the greatest collection of riches known to the living, and some have bet everything on the chance for life on the high road. There are many secrets to uncover about the casino, both within and underneath the desert lands it sits on. The mysteries only grow over the years as more lives are made or ruined in those dazzling walls, with nothing but a gold coin and a hand of cards. Make a bet against the casino itself and win.
Week 2
Ghosts of Gadleigh: Every other Tuesday at 7:00 AM MST (Level 7 – 14/15)
• Hunting ghosts has been a fulltime career in the empire for hundreds of years, though the ghosts always continue to come back, as their souls are tied to the Midrealms where they have yet to let go of their lives. To rid the city of Gadleigh of ghosts, the Bygone Ghost Slayers have reformed to become the Ghost Rehabilitators, helping to solve the problems of the lingering spirits that cannot pass to the afterlife while their desires stay. The dead may not tell many tales, but their legacies are full of stories. Travel the gothic city of Gadleigh to discover them all.
Quests of the Depths: Every other Tuesday at 1:00 PM MST
• The Children of the Depths are a cult that seek to learn the truth of what lies underneath the Hells, and are now willing to pay handsomely to anyone willing to take such a daring task. On the other hand, the Feladire Foundation seeks to find hellish artifacts to display in the Museum of Divine Innovation. Whichever side you take, the hells themselves are a challenge in itself. Take the risks for power, wealth, and artifacts, and discover what lies beneath the hells.
What to expect from me:
I love to listen to my players and give them a story that they want to come back to. I am currently DMing several other campaigns that my players love and give me great feedback. I thrive on feedback and love to adapt and adjust based on what my players want. I pick and give out magic items based on back story, as I get attached to my player characters and want them to survive with a challenge. I will do my best to listen to my players and give my players what they want. I sometimes give extra abilities or innate skills to players depending on their backstory (ex. Acid resistance to a character from the acid marshes of Agonia in Eikedeese). My games are LGBT friendly and I do not hold any prejudice towards any one of my players. My games are for those 18+ due to the violence, sexual content, language, dark scenes, and elements of torture, genocide, and other delicate subjects. If any of these subjects are a trigger for anyone, by letting me know ahead of time I can make sure to steer away from those topics for maximum fun for everyone equally. I will also make visuals for the world, such as battle maps made in Inkarnate. My favorite element: I will draw and create custom battle map tokens for everyone’s players based on your character description or reference art.
What I expect from my players:
My players are expected to communicate what they want for the campaign, based on what I give. My games are voice only through Discord for communication and dice rolls, and Roll20 for visuals and game audio for the sessions. I welcome feedback and communication, so I want my players to let me know what they think of my sessions, and what I can fix, change, or adjust to make your experiences better. I want fairly serious characters, or fun characters that will interact or work with the party without causing more problems for the party. You will need a decent microphone that we can understand. I am looking for 4-6 players per campaign, but will go up to 8 players. I have experience in DMing games for 8 players, and have learned how to properly incorporate every player so they all feel that they are heard and given the proper spotlight when necessary.
Either DM me or reply with your Discord tag with which campaign listed above sounds the most interesting to you that you’d like to join: Snowy Mountain climbing, gambling heist, ghost reformation group, or traveling through the hells. I look forward to hearing from you all, and playing with you all. Reply with any questions you have if you have any, or DM me for more information.

Public opinion of TriMet's decisions have been pretty mixed, mostly because TriMet's decisions are so convoluted that they can be a real challenge to understand. In reality, Metro and Portlanders need to have a bigger civic conversation about the future of TriMet, looking at the big picture. We have 3 looming existential crises of TriMet to be concerned about that are bigger than revenue dips, crime, or homeless people.
Civic leaders and the public are focused on a quick "fix" for TriMet revenue drops - even though we've seen this coming for a long time, it's very predictable that TriMet's Board of Directors acts at the last minute. Also, very predictably, TriMet's Board opted for a fare increase because over the previous 20 years that's been a go-to answer to every problem (except for that one time they killed Fareless Square). The politically appointed boards of TriMet and Metro lack the unique specialized knowledge of the issues I'll bring up here. If TriMet knows about these larger issues, they're obviously burring it from public view. In the short term, increasing fares is like putting fresh paint on a house that's on fire; in this situation, that paint is HIGHLY flammable.
First - fare hikes as a tactic is a brain-dead move. Just the most utterly stupid and self-sabotaging response to a looming budget shortfall. I'm dwelling on this because it illustrates their terrible decision-making, which is functional proof they have no idea what they're doing. Some of the core reasons for this:

• Increasing fares reduces utilization. Higher cost means fewer people ride, which will decrease the ridership revenue. It will also marginally increase the number of people who won't pay (funny story, some of those who don't pay actually can't afford to). TriMet isn't a monopoly or inelastic service, and plenty of other choices exist that didn't exist 20 years ago: an actual bike share, scooters, electric bikes, UbeLyft, shared vehicles, and more bike paths. Before the pandemic, it was common that I would bus into downtown for work and then take a Lyft home because it wasn't all that expensive, like $8 more than a bus ride - TriMet's price increases make a system that wasn't very competitive simply less compelling.
  
• Across Portland we need to go through a process of austerity and downsizing government. I absolutely support Wheeler putting a pause on rate increases, but for God's sake, we have far too much largesse in every layer of government. If you need to learn what I'm talking about, read my old article on Parks & Rec. So many divisions/agencies have doubled their staff while reducing service levels. It's bonkers. Cutting throats needs to be an imperative. This is because the great majority of public sector employees in Oregon and Portland are incompetent, redundant, and only exist because Oregon and Portland have been reluctant to use automation. And I don't mean the cutting-edge AI stuff, I'm talking about people who still handle business processes as if they're paper forms. I could tell so many stories from my professional experience - but you'll have to take my word for it for now: culling this bureaucracy is the right move, and until there's a significant downsizing, the political class is taking none of the financial crisis or cost of living situation seriously.
  
• TriMet's operating budget/revenue is primarily Payroll Taxes, not passenger revenue. About 20-30% of TriMet's budget comes from people buying fares, whereas the bulk of money TriMet needs comes from payroll taxes that businesses pay directly. Because of this, transit activists (including myself) have been proponents of increasing the payroll taxes marginally to make TriMet free for riders. Of course, fareless transit comes with a wide variety of new and different problems (that's an article for another time). Still, when you understand that only a sliver of revenue comes from fares, increasing the fare simply results in a marginal increase in revenue. The much bigger problem is going to businesses investing outside of Metro, and changing workforces that 1) won't pay payroll taxes reliably, 2) don't need people to go into the office. Think about the longer-term game here: is TriMet's board going to increase fares as utilization drops and payroll taxes continually diminish? (See my point above about how their default answer is "yes" because it's the only politically expedient answer.)
  

Reading comments about the fare hikes, most of the public thinks TriMet is dealing with a safety or utilization issue. Both of these are 100% true: soft-on-crime progressives have wholly obliterated the working class perception of TriMet safety - there are so many different ways this has happened, but we should thank so many people in the media and political class: Ana del Rocio's crying wolf about racism in fare inspections (and the media entertaining it), or Mike Schmidt deinstitutionalizing of the justice system, or Legislature's inability to act on the massive mental health crisis and drug addiction crisis in Oregon. No matter the underlying cause, we have a system where deranged violent mentally ill tweakers can be disruptive on the train, but working-class people face a $250 fine if they can't afford a $2.50 ($2.80) ticket. TriMet is less safe, especially the light rail and bus lines. We could hypothetically talk about various policy and infrastructure changes, such as turnstiles and security guards - but pragmatically, this won't do shit when our society has adopted a philosophy of transforming the urban core into an open-air insane asylum and opened the doors to the prisons. This safety issue is well beyond TriMet's scope, and even if there was consensus among TriMet and Metro to solve this, the entire justice system and Legislature is still broken.

Fare Hikes and Utilization is the Red Herring - Let's talk about TriMet's future

In reality, multiple design choices made decades ago set us up for failure. But we also have to thank brain-dead progressive lunatics and corrupt politicos who have steered our transit decision-making into the ground.
There are three specific issues I'm going to talk about, with each becoming more consequential and disastrous for TriMet:

• Hub and Spoke Design and the need for a redesign of the entire system to fit new commuting/transit patterns
  
• Portland Light Rail's short cars are a capacity problem not worth the price tag to fix
  
• Autonomous vehicles are here, and it's just going to get worse for TriMet
  

The strategic design of TriMet's system is broken, and it's been broken before.

If you looked at a map of TriMet's bus and rail system, you'd see a design pattern often referred to as a "Radial Design" or sometimes a "Hub And Spoke" design. The Hub and Spoke strategy is building our transit system around centralized locations to connect to other routes. For Portland the idea is to go downtown (or sometimes a Park and Ride) where you can connect to your next destination. This is why the majority of bus routes and all the max routes go downtown, to our Transit Mall and Pioneer Square.
Downtown planning was a smart idea in the 1960s when it was coupled with Main Street economic theory and prototype urban development zones - all of this wrapped up in the 1972 Downtown Plan policy. During these decades, the primary economic idea of urban revitalization was that downtown cores could provide better business climates and shopping districts that amplify economic activity synergistically. In other words, packing all the office jobs and luxury shopping in one area is good for workers, business, and civic planning.
All very smart ideas in yester-year, so TriMet became focused on serving the downtown business community myopically. This myopia became so paramount that it was considered illegitimate (actually taboo, borderline illegal) if you used a Park & Ride facility to park and NOT ride downtown. Amanda Fritz once explained that we couldn't expand Barbur Transit Center because that would result in students parking at Barbur Transit Center and riding the bus to PCC Sylvania. This view implies that TriMet exists only to service downtown workers, not the students, not the impoverished mom needing to go to a grocery store.
How does TriMet's hub and spoke design represent its purpose?
Portland's unspoken rule of transit philosophy is that jobs pay for the system (remember, business payroll taxes pay for most of it), so TriMet should be focused on serving people utilizing it for their job - employers pay for it, and they get value out of it. But this is both unspoken (never said aloud) and largely unobserved. The whole idea of TriMet as a social service to serve low-income people, to help impoverished people - well, those ideas were just lukewarm political rhetoric that is tossed out as soon as some Undesirable with tattered clothing reeking of cigarettes gets aboard - then Portlanders jump right back "this is for workers only!" Sadly, there hasn't ever been a public consensus of why TriMet exists because I could equally argue that TriMet's purpose isn't serving the working class; it's actually vehicle emissions reductions - but here, too, reality contradicts that this is the purpose for why we operate TriMet. TriMet's real purpose seems to be "Spend money on lofty capital projects" and if we want to be cynical about it, we can elaborate "…because large capital projects enable grift, embezzlement, and inflating property values for developers."
We haven't always depended upon a hub and spoke design. A great article from Jarrett Walker written in 2010 on his Human Transit blog explains in "The Power and Pleasure of Grids"

Why aren't all frequent networks grids? The competing impulse is the radial network impulse, which says: "We have one downtown. Everyone is going there, so just run everything to there." Most networks start out radial, but some later transition to more of a grid form, often with compromises in which a grid pattern of routes is distorted around downtown so that many parallel routes converge there. You can see this pattern in many cities, Portland for example. Many of the lines extending north and east out of the city center form elements of a grid, but converge on the downtown. Many other major routes (numbered in the 70s in Portland's system) do not go downtown, but instead complete the grid pattern. This balance between grid and radial patterns was carefully constructed in 1982, replacing an old network in which almost all routes went downtown.

Over the years the grid pattern was neglected in favor of a downtown-focused investment strategy. To a real degree it made practical sense: that's where the jobs were. But again, this is the presumption that TriMet and Mass Transit ought to service workers first, and there's not much consensus on that. But while we can't decide on TriMet's purpose, we can absolutely agree on one important thing: Downtown is dead.
No 5-star hotel is going to fix it. (As of writing, I'm not even convinced that this mafia-connected bamboozle of public fraud will open.) No "tough-on-crime" DA to replace Mike Schmidt, like Nathan Vasquez, will fix downtown. It's not JUST a crime problem: most of the problems we deal with today mirror the problems facing Portland in the 1960s, especially our inability to invest in good infrastructure people actually want to use. That's on top of crime, vandalism, and an unhealthy business ecosystem.
IF we want to maintain TriMet (and that's a big IF, for reasons I'll explain below), then it will be focused on something other than downtown. We need to move back to a grid-design transit system, as this is a much easier way to use transit to get around the city, no matter your destination. If TriMet continues to exist and operate fleets in 20-30 years, this is the only way it exists - because it will just be too inconvenient to ride downtown as a side quest to your destination, especially as we look at 10, 20, 30, 40 years from now.
Of course, we can only transform some parts of the transit infrastructure this way, and there are no uplifting and moving train tracks here. So light rail doesn't have a future in the grid system - but even without the grid system, light rail is doomed.

The fatal flaws of light rail in Portland.

I want to preface this by saying I like light rail as a strategy, it's not a bad system or bad civic investment. I could write another 5,000-word essay on why Seattle did an excellent job with light rail and the specific decisions Portland made wildly incorrectly. In transit advocacy the wacktavists inappropriately categorized skeptics of Portland's light rail as some soft bigotry - as if you're racist if you don't like Portland's light rail - even though, ironically, most light rail systems tend to be built for the preference of white culture and white workers, precisely what happened here in Portland and most cities (but this is all a story for another time).
Portland's light rail system has a capacity problem and has dealt with this capacity problem quietly for the last 20+ years. When you see the capacity problem, you can quickly understand this light rail system won't work in the future. All the other smart cities in the world that designed light rail realized they needed big long trains to move many people. Portland decided to limit the train car length to the size of our city blocks to save construction costs - and this has always been a fatal flaw.
Portland's highest capacity train car is our Type 5, according to Wikipedia it has a seating capacity of 72 and an overall capacity of 186 per train car, meaning each train can accommodate up to 372, but even these numbers seem unreliable (*edit). Let's compare:

• Washington DC has 6-car trains capable of carrying 120 passengers per car, or 720 per train.
  
• Salt Lake City has a 4-car train capable of carrying 230 passengers per car, or 920 per train.
  
• Seattle's Link system has a 3 or 4-car train, each capable of carrying approximately 200 passengers per car, so 600 to 800 per train.
  

Portland's light rail lines have roughly the same people moving capacity as a single lane of a highway, maybe marginally more, maybe marginally less. These other cities have a light rail system that can move the same amount of people as an entire 3-lane highway.
You might suspect that Portland could simply run trains more frequently - but nah, that's impossible because the trains run through the central core of downtown Portland, and they're blocked by the real interfaces with road traffic and bottlenecks. TriMet/PBOT/Metro has offered rosy ideas that we could hypothetically run cars every 90 seconds, 2 minutes, 4 minutes, or 6 minutes (depending upon who you ask) - but these are garbage numbers invented out of thin air. For example, you could stand at Pioneer Courthouse Square at 4:50pm on a Wednesday in 2016 - there was a train opening doors to load passengers, and you could visibly see the next train at Pioneer Place Mall pulling into the station behind. Trains were running at approximately a 3 to 4 minute at peak - but on paper, TriMet will claim anything, as they don't give a shit about lying to the public. But the bigger problem is that trains were full. You might have to wait 90 minutes to find a train that offers a seat. And god forbid you had a bike.
I'm not making this very real capacity problem, Metro even acknowledges:

At the busiest hours of the day, 40 light rail trains must cross the river and traverse downtown – one train every 90 seconds. As the region grows and the demand for light rail increases, the region will need at least 64 MAX trains through downtown every hour, more than one train each minute. Our current system can't support that change.

Suppose you're silly enough to trust government propaganda. In that case, you can read the details of Metro study on this in 2019. If we assumed their numbers added up, it's just fucking impossible to run 62 trains per hour, because passenger loading and unloading can take a full minute (sometimes longer). So unless we want to apply substantial g-forces onto the passengers, the train isn't accelerating out of the stops fast enough. Not to mention how unreliable this whole system would be if a sole tweaker, bike rider, or person with a stroller held up the system for 2 minutes.
This is why the bottom line needs to be upfront about capacity - quoting Metro's study here:

Today MAX is limited to 2-car trains because of the length of downtown city blocks. A tunnel could allow for longer trains if the stations outside the downtown core are retrofitted. In the long-term, this could greatly increase MAX capacity.

Do you see that trick? Build a tunnel, yes - but the entire system has to be retrofitted. Literally every light rail station would need to be redesigned, the lines themselves recalculated for larger heavier trains - and extending platforms at Willow Creek might be simple enough, but how in the living fuck is Metro going to afford to expand the Zoo stop? Doubling the size of that platform would cost $500 million alone.
If the city weren't full of cheap dipshits, we would have elevated or buried our light rail lines in the 1980s or 90s, enabling longer train cars to run. Yes, we all knew back then that it was the best practice not to have light rail running on the street - it's less safe, less reliable, runs slower, and limits train car size. Oops.
Just to keep TriMet's own bullshit inflated utopian vision, it would mean spending another billion dollars just to unfuck downtown, bypass an aging bridge, and potentially allow a marginally higher volume of trains - which again is a band-aid on a mortal wound.
The real buried lede is that to add extra train cars means retrofitting all the stops in the system - that's tens of billions of dollars. You can argue costs, but Metro knows we need to do this. It means shutting down the system for a year or years while construction and retrofits happen. It's fucking outrageous. Is this system worth of people per line worth 20, 30, or 40 billion dollars? Fuck no, it ain't. Again, if we had a raging metropolis of industry and commerce downtown, we could reasonably entertain the idea for a moment - but we don't and never will again.
Some folks might argue that if we kill off the light rail system we'd lose out on all those lucrative Transit Oriented Developments. Originally the public was told that Transit Oriented Development strategy would cause a massive infusion of private investment because the light rail was so damn lucrative and desirable for Richard Florida's Creative Class. Turns out the Creative Class is now called today the Laptop Class, and they don't give a flying fuck about street cars, light rail, or walking scores - because most can't be bothered to put pants on during their "commute" from bed to desk. TOD was all a fantasy illusion from the beginning, as multiple studies about Portland commuters showed that college-educated white folks riding Max were equally comfortable riding their bike as a substitute for the same commute. All of these billions of dollars was to accommodate white fare-weather bikers. So here's my hot take on transit: pave over the rail lines and put in bike lanes, and boy, then you'd have a bike system to give folks like Maus a hardon. But of course, Bike Portland would complain because their focus isn't biking; they exist only to favor all poorly thought utopian transit ideas.
Another group of Max/TOD advocates would claim that TOD is better for disabled and impoverished people. And yeah, there's truth there, but see my entire argument above about the Hub & Spoke design of TriMet being the antithesis of transit as a social service. If you believe that TriMet should serve low-income people, you must advocate for a bus-centric grid design.
But even if you're a die-hard believer in light rail - there's another inevitable reality coming that is the nail in the coffin.

Autonomous vehicles will replace mass transit faster than the automobile replaced the horse.

I work in advanced technology, and the thing about tech is that the public and politicians deny that it's going to be there until the majority of the public finally experiences it. You could say this about personal computers, internet, cloud compute, electric cars, smartphones, distributed ledger (cryptocurrency), AI, and driverless vehicles.
Schrodinger's technology doesn't exist until it's measured in an Apple store or your mother asks you for tech support.
No one thought AI was really real until ChatGPT did their kid's homework, and today most people are coming to terms with the fact that ChatGPT 3.5 could do most people's jobs. And that's not even the most advanced AI, that's the freeware put out by Microsoft, they have paywalls to access the real deal.
In 2018 I rode in my colleague's Tesla in self-driving mode from downtown Portland to Top Golf in Hillsboro. We started our journey at the surface parking lot on the west side of the Morrison Bridge. He used his phone to tell the car to pull out of the parking spot and to pick us up. Then he gave the car the address, and it drove us the entire way without any human input necessary. The only time he provided feedback was to touch the turn signal to pass a slow car on the highway. People think self-driving isn't here - but it is - and it's gotten exponentially better and will continue to do so. People will complain and moan about idealized, utopian, pedantic "level 5" full self-driving, how none of it exists or could exist, as a Tesla passes them on the road and the driver is half asleep.
Of course, Portland and every major city have also thought deeply about self-driving technology, and a few places have implemented self-driving solutions - but so far, none of these are really at scale. Though it will be a short time before cost-conscious cities go all-in.
TriMet kicked around the idea of using an autonomous bus for a leg of the trip of the Southwest Corridor project, connecting a segment of the light rail route to the community college. It was bafflingly stupid and short-sighted to think they could use it in this niche application but that it wouldn't open the floodgates for a hundred different applications that eviscerate TriMet's labor model. The simplest example of autonomous operation would be to operate the light rail systems - because they don't make turns, all we need is an AI vision service to slam on the breaks if necessary - that technology has existed for 20+ years. We could retrofit the entire train system in about 3 to 6 months - replace every Max operator with a security guard, and maybe people would ride the Max again? But I digress.
Let's speculate about the far-future, some 5, 10, or 20 years from now: your transit options will expand significantly. The cost will decrease considerably for services using automated vehicles.
You'll look at your options as:

• Drive to work: fastest, takes $100+ worth of gas a month, but you also need $50+ for insurance and $500+ for the monthly car payment, plus those surprise maintenance and broken windows. Also, do you pay for parking? Pick a number for how much it costs to drive your personally owned and manually operated vehicle to work each month.
  
• Autonomous vehicle service: price TBA, but think of how much an Uber costs when you don't have to pay the driver, you don't have to pay for gas. An Uber that runs for $20 today would likely be $10 or less. So, to and from work 20 times a month, $200. $300? Ok, let's just say it's $400 a month. It's still all cheaper than owning a car and driving it to work. No parking fees, and it picks you up quickly enough that it's not a nuisance.
  
• Mass Transit: $150 per month, but ugghhh it's slow, it smells like piss, a guy jacked off in your hair, and you can't schedule a meeting for the first 30 minutes of your anticipated workday in case you miss a connection - and it breaks so often the government actively hides the reliability data from the public and media.
  

Just a few years into this future we'll see a brand new trend, one that already exists: a shared autonomous vehicle like a privately operated bus. For example, Uber Bus - it already exists as a commuter option in some cities, it's just not autonomous yet. The significant benefit of an autonomous bus is that these shared vehicles will utilize HOV lanes very commonly, and commuting in an autonomous vehicle will be as fast as driving to work in your manually operated car while also being less expensive.
Simultaneously automobile accidents in autonomous vehicles will be virtually non-existent, and insurance companies will start to increase prices on vehicles that lack AI/smart assisted safety driving features. Public leaders will see the value of creating lanes of traffic on highways dedicated explicitly to autonomous vehicles so that they can drive at much higher speeds than manually operated traffic. Oregon won't lead the way here, but wait until Texas or one of the Crazy States greenlights a speed limit differential, and self-driving vehicles have a speed limit of 90, 120, or 150 miles per hour. You might think "accidents would be terrible and deadly" but there will be fewer accidents in the autonomous lane than in manual lanes. At this point, it will be WAY faster to take an autonomous vehicle to your work.
Purchasing power of consumers will decrease while the cost of vehicles will increase (especially autonomous vehicles), making ownership of any vehicle less likely. Frankly, the great majority of people won't know how to drive and will never learn to - just like how young people today don't know how to use manual transmission. However, fleets of autonomous vehicles owned by companies like Tesla, Uber, and Lyft will benefit from scale and keep their autonomous bus fleets operating at low cost. This will lead to a trend where fewer and fewer people will own an automobile, and fewer people even bother learning how to drive or paying the enormous insurance cost.... while also depending upon automobiles more than we do today.
Eventually, in the distant future, manually driven vehicles will be prohibited in urban areas as some reckless relic from a bygone era.
Cities and public bodies don't have to be cut out of this system if they act responsibly. For example, cities could start a data brokering exchange where commuters provide their commuting data (i.e., pick-up point, destination, arrival time). The government uses either a privatized fleet or a publicly owned fleet of autonomous vehicles to move as many people as possible as often as possible. Sort of a publicly run car-pool list - or a hyper-responsive bus fleet that runs for the exact passengers going to exact locations. A big problem companies like Uber, Lyft, and Tesla will have is that they'll lack market saturation to optimize commuting routes - they'll be able to win unique rides, but the best way they can achieve the lowest cost service model is these super predictable and timely commuter riders. The more data points and riders, the more optimization they can achieve. These companies can look at the data for as many people as possible and bid for as many routes as possible - optimizing for convenience, time, energy usage, emissions, etc. The public will voluntarily participate if this is optimized to get the cheapest ride possible. If the government doesn't do this, the private sector will eventually.
As a parallel, no one today even considers how Metro runs garbage collection. No one cares. And if you didn't like Metro's trash service, if you needed a better service for unique needs, you go procure that on your own. Likewise, you wouldn't care about the quality of the commuting trip as long as it's up to some minimal standards of your class expectations, it's reliable, nearly as quick as driving your own vehicle, and it seems reasonably affordable.
If the public ran this data exchange, fees could subsidize lower-income riders. This is a theory on what a TriMet like system or mass transit system could look like in a primarily autonomous world where most people don't own their own or drive an automobile.
This system would be far from perfect, opening up all sorts of problems around mobility. However, it's hard to see how autonomous vehicles will not obliterate the value proposition of mass transit.

Another narrative on the same story.

As the working class moves to autonomous vehicles, transit agencies will collect fewer and fewer fares - prices and taxes will rise, creating a cycle of failure. As a result, some cities will make buses self-driving to cut costs. It could start with Tokyo, Shanghai, Oslo, et al. Again, it's unlikely that Portland or Oregon will be the first movers on this, but when cities start laying off hundreds of mass transit operators and cutting fares to practically nothing, there will be substantial public pressure to mimic locally. It will be inhumane, it will be illiberal, to make those impoverished bus-riding single mothers pay premiums. As most of the fleet becomes autonomous, responsive, and disconnected from labor costs, the next question arises: why do we still operate bus routes? Why big buses instead of smaller and nimble vehicles?
This alternative story/perspective leads to the same outcome: we figure out where people are going and when they need to get there - then dispatch the appropriate amount of vehicles to move that exact number of people as efficiently as possible.
But our local government getting its act together on all this is outside the world of possibility.
In a practical sense, we're going to see history repeat itself. Portland's mass transit history is about private and public entities over-extending themselves, getting too deep in debt on a flawed and outdated idea. As a result, the system collapses into consolidation or liquidation. Following this historical pattern, TriMet/Metro won't respond to changing conditions fast enough, and laughably stupid ideas like cranking up taxes or increasing ridership fares will continue to be the only option until the media finally acknowledges these groups are insolvent. I just hope we don't spend tens of billions of dollars propping up this zombie system before we can soberly realize that we made some mistakes and these vanity-laden projects 20 and 30 years ago need to die.
You see, the biggest flaw with TriMet isn't the design, it needs to be outpaced by technology, it's that the people making decisions at TriMet and Metro are going to make the politically expedient decisions, not the right decisions. They won't redesign, and they won't leverage technology for cost savings, so this charade will just get going along until the media simply declares they're insolvent.
Back to fares for a second - the media happily reprints TriMet's horseshit take about "The higher fares will bring in an estimated $4.9 million in annual revenue starting next year, the report says." Just sort of amazing to me there's no skepticism about this number - but most spectacular is no media considerations about alternative solutions. For example, I could tell TriMet how to save $9,548,091 next year - a useless program primarily utilized by white middle-class folks who own alternative methods of transport - and this would inconvenience way less transit-dependent people than raising fares. But, that's off the table - we're not even developing a decision matrix for when we kill the blackhole of money known as WES.

The whirring blades of my MD-902 throbbed against the warm evening air, and I smiled.
From 5,000 feet, the ground flew by in a carpet of dark forests and kelly-green fields. The sun hung low on the horizon in a picturesque array of dazzling orange and gold, and I could make out the narrow strip of the Ohio River to my left, glistening in the fading daylight. This time of year, the trees would be full of the sweet aroma of fresh blossoms, and the frequent rains kept small pockets of fluffy white mist hanging in the treetops. It was a beautiful view, one that reminded me of why being a helicopter pilot trumped flying in a jumbo jet far above the clouds every day of the week.
Fourteen more days, and I’m debt free.
That made me grin even more. I’d been working as a charter pilot ever since I obtained my license at age 19, and after years of keeping my nose to the grindstone, I was closing on the final payment for real-estate in western Pennsylvania. With no debt, a fixer-upper house on 30 rural acres all to myself, and a respectable wage for a 26-year-old pilot, I looked forward to the financial freedom I could now enjoy. Maybe I’d take a vacation, somewhere exotic like Venice Italy, or the Dominican Republic. Or perhaps I’d sock the money back for the day I started a family.
“Remember kleineun, a real man looks after his own.”
My elderly ouma’s voice came back from the depths of my memories, her proud, sun-tanned face rising from the darkness. She and my Rhodesian grandfather had emigrated to the US when they were newlyweds, as the violence against white Boer descendants in South Africa spiraled out of control. My mother and father both died in a car crash when I was six, and it had been my grandparents who raised me. Due to this, I’d grown up with a slight accent that many of my classmates found amusing, and I could speak both English, and Afrikaans, the Boer tongue of our former home.
I shifted in my seat, stretched my back muscles, and glanced at the picture taped to my console. Both my parents flanked a grinning, gap-toothed six-year-old me, at the last Christmas we’d spent together. My mother beamed, her dark hair and Italian features a sharp contrast to my father’s sandy blonde hair and blue eyes. Sometimes, I liked to imagine they were smiling at me with pride at how well I flew the old silver-colored bird my company had assigned to me, and that made the long, lonely flights easier to bear.
A flicker caught my eye, and I broke my gaze away from the photograph.
Perched in its small cradle above the controls, my little black Garmin fuzzed over for a few seconds, its screen shifting from brightly colored maps to a barrage of grey static.
Did the power chord come loose?
I checked, ensuring the power-cable for the unit’s battery was plugged into the port on the control panel. It was a brand-new GPS unit, and I’d used it a few times already, so I knew it wasn’t defective. Granted, I could fly and navigate without it, but the Garmin made my time as a pilot so much easier that the thought of going blind was dreadful.
My fuel gauge danced, clicked to empty, then to full, in a bizarre jolt.
More of the gauges began to stutter, the entire panel seeming to develop terrets all at once, and my pulse began to race. Something was wrong, very wrong, and the sludge inside my bowels churned with sour fear.
“Come on, come on.” I flicked switches, turned dials, punched buttons, but nothing seemed to fix the spasming electronics. Every gauge failed, and without warning, I found myself plunged into inky darkness.
Outside, the sun surrendered to the pull of night, the sky darker than usual. A distant rumble of thunder reverberated above the roar of my helicopter’s engine, and I thought I glimpsed a streak of yellowish lightning on the far horizon to my left.
Calm down Chris. We’re still flying, so it must just be a blown fuse. Stay in control and find a place to set her down.
My sweaty palm slid on the cyclic stick, and both feet weighed heavy on the yaw pedals. The collective stuck to my other hand with a nervous vibration, and I squinted against the abyss outside.
Beep.
I jumped despite myself, as the little Garmin on my panel flared back to life, the static pulling aside to reveal a twitching display. Each time the screen glitched, it showed the colorful map detailing my flight path over the ground below, but I noticed that some of the lines changed, the names shifting, as if the device couldn’t decide between two different versions of the world.
One name jutted out at me, slate gray like most of the major county names, appearing with ghostly flickers from between two neighboring ones.
Barron County.
I stared, confused. I’d flown over this section of southeastern Ohio plenty of times, and I knew the counties by heart. At this point, I should have been over the southern end of Noble County, and maybe dipping lower into Washington. There was no Barron County Ohio. I was sure of it.
And yet it shown back at me from the digital landscape, a strange, almost cigar-shaped chunk of terrain carved from the surrounding counties like a tumor, sometimes there, sometimes not, as my little Garmin struggled to find the correct map. Rain began to patter against my cockpit window, and the entire aircraft rattled from a strong gust of wind. Thick clouds closed over my field of vision like a sea of gray cotton.
The blood in my veins turned to ice, and I sucked in a nervous breath.
Land. I had to land. There was nothing else to do, my flight controls weren’t responding, and only my Garmin had managed to come back to life. Perhaps I’d been hit by lightning, and the electronics had been fried? Either way, it was too dark to tell, but a storm seemed to be brewing, and if I didn’t get my feet on the ground soon, I could be in real trouble.
“Better safe than sorry.” I pushed down on the collective to start my slow descent and clicked the talking button for my headset. “Any station, this is Douglass Three-One-Four-Foxtrot, over.”
Nothing.
“Any station, this is Douglass Three-One-Four-Foxtrot, requesting emergency assistance, over.”
Still nothing.
If the radio’s dead, I’m really up a creek.
With my hand shaking, I clicked on the mic one more time. “Any station, this is—”
Like a curtain pulling back, the fog cleared from around my window, and the words stuck in my throat.
Without my gauges, I couldn’t tell just how far I’d descended, but I was definitely very low. Thick trees poked up from the ground, and the hills rolled into high ridges with flat valley floors, fields and pastures pockmarking them. Rain fell all around in cold, silvery sheets, a normal feature for the mid spring in this part of Ohio.
What wasn’t normal, were the fires.
At first, I thought they were forest fires for the amount of smoke and flames that bellowed from each spot, but as I swooped lower, my eyes widened in horror.
They were houses.
Farms, cottages, little clusters that barely constituted villages, all of them belched orange flames and black pillars of sooty smoke. I couldn’t hear above the helicopter blades, but I could see the flashes on the ground, along the road, in between the trees, and even coming from the burning buildings, little jets of golden light that spat into the darkness with anger.
Gunfire. That’s rifle fire, a whole lot of it.
Tiny black figures darted through the shadows, barely discernable from where I sat, several hundred feet up. I couldn’t see much, but some were definitely running away, the streaks of yellow gunfire chasing them. A few dark gray vehicles rumbled down one of the gravel roads, and sprayed fire into the houses as it went. They were fighting, I realized, the people in the trucks and the locals. It was horrific, like something out of war-torn Afghanistan, but worse.
Then, I caught a glimpse of the others.
They didn’t move like the rest, who either fled from the dark vehicles, or fired back from behind cover. These skinny figures loped along with haphazard gaits, many running on all fours like animals, swarming from the trees by the dozens. They threw themselves into the gales of bullets without flinching, attacking anyone within range, and something about the way they moved, so fluid, so fearless, made my heart skip a beat.
What is that?
“Echo Four Actual to unknown caller, please respond, over.”
Choking back a cry of shock, I fumbled at the control panel with clumsy fingers, the man’s voice sharp and stern. I hadn’t realized that I’d let go of the talking button and clicked it down again. “Hello? Hello, this is Douglass Three-One-Four-Foxtrot out of Pittsburgh, over.”
An excruciating moment passed, and I continued to zoom over the trees, the fires falling away behind me as more silent forest took over.
“Roger that Douglass Three-One-Four-Foxtrot, we read you loud and clear. Please identify yourself and any passengers or cargo you might be carrying, over.”
Swallowing hard, I eyed the treetops, which looked much closer than they should have been. How far had I descended? “Echo Four Actual, my name is Christopher Dekker, and I am alone. I’m a charter flight from PA, carrying medical equipment for OSU in Columbus. My controls have been damaged, and I am unable to safely carry on due to the storm. Requesting permission to land, over.”
I watched the landscape slide by underneath me, once catching sight of what looked like a little white church surrounded by smaller huts, dozens of figures in the yard staring up at me as I flew over a towering ridgeline.
“Solid copy on that Douglass Three-One-Four-Foxtrot. Be advised, your transponder shows you to be inside a restricted zone. Please cease all radio traffic, reduce your speed, climb to 3,000 feet and proceed north. We’ll talk you in from there. How copy, over?”
My heart jumped, and I let out a sigh of relief. “Roger that Echo Four Actual, my altimeter is down, but I’ll do my best to eyeball the altitude, over.”
With that, I pulled the collective upward, and tried my best to gauge how far I was by eyesight in the gathering night, rain still coming down all around me. This had to be some kind of disaster or riot, I decided. After all, the voice over the radio sounded like military, and those vehicles seemed to have heavy weapons. Maybe there was some kind of unrest going on here that I hadn’t heard about yet?
Kind of weird for it to happen in rural areas though. Spoiled college kids I get, but never saw farmers get so worked up before. They usually love the military.
Something moved in the corner of my eye, and I turned out of reflex.
My mouth fell open, and I froze, unable to scream.
In the sky beside me, a huge shadow glided along, and its leathery wings effortlessly carved through the gloom, flapping only on occasion to keep it aloft. It was too dark for me to see what color it was, but from the way it moved, I knew it wasn’t another helicopter. No, this thing was alive, easily the size of a small plane, and more than twice the length of my little McDonald Douglass. A long tail trailed behind it, and bore a distinct arrow-shaped snout, with twig-like spines fanned out around the back of its head. Whatever legs it had were drawn up under it like a bird, yet its skin appeared rough and knobby, almost resembling tree bark. Without pause, the gigantic bat-winged entity flew along beside me, as if my presence was on par with an annoying fly buzzing about its head.
Gripping the microphone switch so tight, I thought I’d crack the plastic, I whispered into my headset, forgetting all radio protocol. “T-There’s something up here.”
Static crackled.
“Douglas Three-One-Four-Foxtrot, say again your last, you’re coming in weak and unreadable, over.”
“There’s something up here.” I snarled into the headset, still glued to the controls of the helicopter, afraid to deviate even an inch from my course in case the monstrosity decided to turn on me. “A freaking huge thing, right beside me. I swear, it looks like a bat or . . . I don’t know.”
“Calm down.” The man on the other end of the radio broke his rigorous discipline as well, his voice deep, but level. “It won’t attack if you don’t move too fast. Slowly ease away from it and follow that course until you’re out of sight.”
I didn’t have time to think about how wrong that sounded, how the man’s strict tone had changed to one of knowledge, how he hadn’t been the least surprised by what I’d said. Instead, I slowly turned the helicopter away from the huge menace and edged the speed higher in tiny increments.
As soon as I was roughly two football fields away, I let myself relax, and clicked the mic switch. “It’s not following.”
“You’re sure?”
Eyeing the huge flapping wings, I nodded, then remembered he couldn’t see me. “Yeah, I’m well clear.”
“Good. Thank you, Mr. Dekker.”
Then, the radio went dead.
Something in my chest dropped, a weight that made my stomach roil. This wasn’t right, none of it. Who was that man? Why did he know about the thing I’d just seen? What was I supposed to—
A flash of light exploded from the trees to my right and shot into the air with a long finger of smoke.
What the . . .
On instinct, I jerked the cyclic stick to one side, and the helicopter swung to avoid the rocket.
Boom.
My world shook, metal screeched, and a dozen alarms began to go off inside the cockpit in a cacophony of beeps and sirens. Orange and red flames lit up the night sky just behind me, and the horizon started to spin wildly outside. Heat gushed from the cockpit door, and I smelled the greasy stench of burning oil. The safety belts dug into my shoulders, and with a final slip, the radio headset ripped free from my scalp.
I’m hit.
Desperate, I yanked on the controls, fought the bird even as she spun toward the ground in a wreath of flames, the inky black trees hurtling up to meet me. The helicopter went into full auto-rotation, the sky blurring past outside, and the alarms blared in a screech of doom. Panic slammed through my temples, I screamed at the top of my lungs, and for one brief second, my eyes locked on the little black Garmin still perched atop my control panel.
Its screen stopped twitching and settled on a map of the mysterious Barron County, with a little red arrow at the center of the screen, a few words popping up underneath it.
You are here.
Trees stabbed up into the sky, the belts crushed at my torso, glass shattered all around me, and the world went dark.
Copper, thick, warm, and tangy.
It filled my mouth, stank metallic in my nose, clogged my throat, choking me. In the murkiness, I fought for a surface, for a way out, blind and numb in the dark.
This way, kleineun.
My ouma’s voice echoed from somewhere in the shadows.
This way.
Both eyes flew open, and I gagged, spitting out a stream of red.
Pain throbbed in my ribs, and a heavy pressure sent a tingling numbness through my shoulders. Blood roared inside my temples, and stars danced before my eyes with a dizzying array. Humid night air kissed my skin, and something sticky coated my face, neck, and arms that hung straight up toward the ceiling.
Wait. Not up. Down.
I blinked at the wrinkled, torn ceiling of the cockpit, the glass all gone, the gray aluminum shredded like tissue paper. Just outside the broken windows, thick Appalachian bluegrass and stemmy underbrush swished in a feeble breeze, backlit by flashes of lightning from the thunderstorm overhead. Green and brown leaves covered everything in a wet carpet of triangles, and somewhere nearby, a cricket chirped.
Turning my head from side to side, I realized that I hung upside down inside the ruined helicopter, the top half burrowed into the mud. I could hear the hissing and crackling of flames, the pattering of rain falling on the hot aluminum, and the smaller brush fires around the downed aircraft sizzling out in the damp long grass. Charred steel and burning oil tainted the air, almost as strong as the metallic, coppery stench in my aching nose.
They shot me down. That military dude shot me out of the sky.
It didn’t make sense. I’d followed their orders, done everything they’d said, and yet the instant I veered safely away from whatever that thing in the sky had been, they’d fired, not at it, but at me.
Looking down (or rather, up) at my chest, I sucked in a gasp, which was harder to do that before.
The navy-blue shirt stuck to my torso with several big splotches of dark, rusty red. Most were clean slashes, but two held bits of glass sticking out of them, one alarmingly bigger than the other. They dripped cherry red blood onto my upturned face, and a wave of nausea hit me.
I gotta get down.
I flexed my arms to try and work some feeling back into them, praying nothing was broken. Half-numb from hanging so long, I palmed along my aching body until I felt the buckled for the seat belts.
“Okay.” I hissed between gritted teeth, in an effort to stave off my panic. “You can do this. Just hold on tight. Nice and tight. Here we go . . .”
Click.
Everything seemed to lurch, and I slid off the seat to plummet towards the muck-filled hole in the cockpit ceiling. My fingers were slick with blood and slipped over the smooth faux-leather pilot’s seat with ease. The shoulder belt snagged on the bits of glass that lay just under the left lowest rib, and a flare of white-hot pain ripped through me.
Wham.
I screamed, my right knee caught the edge of the aluminum ceiling, and both hands dove into a mound of leaf-covered glass shards on the opposite side of the hole. My head swam, being right-side-up again enough to make shadows gnaw at the corner of my eyes.
Forcing myself to breath slowly, I fought the urge to faint and slid back to sit on the smooth ceiling. I turned my hands over to see half a dozen bits of clear glass burrowed into my skin like greedy parasites, red blood weeping around the new cuts.
“Screw you.” I spat at the rubbish with angry tears in my eyes. “Screw you, screw you, screw you.”
The shards came out easy enough, and the cuts weren’t that deep, but that wasn’t what worried me. On my chest, the single piece of cockpit glass that remined was almost as big as my palm, and it really hurt. Just touching it felt like self-inflicted torture, but I knew it had to come out sooner or later.
Please don’t nick a vein.
Wiping my hands dry on my jeans, I gripped the shard with both hands, and jerked.
Fire roared over my ribs, and hot blood tickled my already grimy pale skin. I clapped a hand over the wound, pressing down hard, and grunted out a string of hateful expletives that my ouma would have slapped me for.
Lying on my back, I stared around me at the messy cargo compartment of the MD-902. Most of the medical supplies had been in cardboard boxes strapped down with heavy nylon tow-straps, but several cases had ruptured with the force of the impact, spraying bandages, syringes, and pill bottles all over the cluttered interior. Orange flames chewed at the crate furthest to the rear, the tail section long gone, but the foremost part of the hold was intact. Easily a million-dollar mess, it would have made me faint on any other trip, but today it was a godsend.
Half-blind in the darkness, I crawled along with only the firelight and lightning bolts to guide me, my right knee aching. Like a crippled raccoon, I collected things as I went, conscious of the two pallets of intact supplies weighing right over my head. I’d taken several different first-aid courses with some hunting buddies of mine, and the mental reflexes kicked in to help soothe my frazzled mind.
Check for bleeds, stop the worst, then move on.
Aside from my battered chest and stomach, the rest of me remained mostly unharmed. I had nasty bruises from the seatbelts, my right knee swelled, my nose slightly crooked and crusted in blood, but otherwise I was intact. Dowsing every scratch and cut with a bottle of isopropyl alcohol I found, I used butterfly closures on the smaller lacerations that peppered my skin. I wrapped soft white gauze over my abused palms and probed at the big cut where the last shard had been, only stopping when I was sure there were no pieces of glass wedged inside my flesh.
“Not too bad.” I grunted to myself, trying to sound impassive like a doctor might. “Rib must have stopped it. Gonna need stitches though. That’ll be fun.”
Pawing through the broken cases, I couldn’t find any suture chord, but just as I was about to give up, I noticed a small box that read ‘medical skin stapler’.
Bingo.
I tore the small white plastic stapler free from its packaging and eyeballed the device. I’d never done this before, only seen it in movies, and even though the cut in my skin hurt, I wondered if this wouldn’t be worse.
You’ve gotta do it. That bleeding needs to stop. Besides, no one’s coming to rescue you, not with those rocket-launching psychos out there.
Taking a deep breath, I pinched the skin around the gash together, and pressed the mouth of the stapler to it.
Click.
A sharp sting, like that of a needle bit at the skin, but it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as the cut itself. I worked my way across the two-inch laceration and gave out a sigh of relief when it was done.
“Not going to bleed to death today.” I daubed ointment around the staples before winding more bandages over the wound.
Popping a few low-grade painkillers that tumbled from the cargo, I crawled wriggled through the nearest shattered window into the wet grass.
Raindrops kissed my face, clean and cool on my sweaty skin. Despite the thick cloud cover, there was enough constant lightning strikes within the storm to let me get glimpses of the world around me. My helicopter lay on its back, the blades snapped like pencils, with bits and pieces of it burning in chunks all around the small break in the trees. Chest-high scrub brush grew all around the low-lying ground, with pockets of standing water in places. My ears still rang from the impact of the crash, but I could start to pick up more crickets, frogs, and even some nocturnal birds singing into the darkness, like they didn’t notice the huge the hulk of flaming metal that had fallen from the sky. Overhead, the thunder rumbled onward, the feeble wind whistling, and there were other flashes on the horizon, orange and red ones, with crackles that didn’t sound quite like lightning.
The guns. They’re still fighting.
Instinctively, I pulled out my cellphone, and tapped the screen.
It fluttered to life, but no matter how I tried, I couldn’t get through to anyone, not even with the emergency function designed to work around having no service. The complicated wonder of our modern world was little better than a glorified paperweight.
Stunned, I sat down with my back to the helicopter and rested my head against the aluminum skin of the craft. How I’d gone from a regular medical supply run to being marooned in this hellish parody of rural America, I didn’t know, but one thig was certain; I needed a plan. Whoever fired the missile could have already contacted my charter company and made up some excuse to keep them from coming to look for me. No one else knew I was here, and even though I now had six staples holding the worst of my injuries shut, I knew I needed proper medical attention. If I wanted to live, I’d have to rescue myself.
My bag. I need to get my go-bag, grab some gear and then . . . head somewhere else.
It took me a while to gather my green canvas paratrooper bag from its place behind the pilot’s seat and fill it with whatever supplies I could scrounge. My knee didn’t seem to be broken, but man did it hurt, and I dreaded the thought of walking on it for miles on end. I focused instead on inventorying my gear and trying to come up with a halfway intelligent plan of action.
I had a stainless-steel canteen with one of those detachable cups on the bottom, a little fishing kit, some duct tape, a lighter, a black LED flashlight with three spare batteries, a few tattered road maps with a compass, a spare pair of socks, medical supplies from the cargo, and a simple forest green plastic rain poncho. I also managed to unearth a functioning digital camcorder my ouma had gotten me for Christmas a few years back, though I wasn’t sure I wanted to do any filming in such a miserable state. Lastly, since it was a private supply run from a warehouse area near Pittsburgh to a direct hospital pad in Ohio, I’d been able to bring my K-Bar, a sturdy, and brutally simple knife designed for the Marine Corps that I used every time I went camping. It was pitiful in comparison to the rifle I wished I had with me, but that didn’t matter now. I had what I had, and I doubted my trusty Armalite would have alleviated my sore knee anyway.
Clicking on my flashlight, I huddled with the poncho around my shoulders inside the wreck of the chopper and peered at the dusty roadmaps. A small part of me hoped that a solution would jump out from the faded paper, but none came. These were all maps of western PA and eastern Ohio. None of them had a Barron County on them anywhere.
The man on the radio said to head north, right before they shot me down. That means they must be camped out to the north of here. South had that convoy and those burning houses, so that’s a no-go. Maybe I can backtrack eastward the way I came.
As if on cue, a soft pop echoed from over the eastern horizon, and I craned to look out the helicopter window, spotting more man-made flashes over the tree tops.
“Great.” I hissed between clenched teeth, aware of how the temperature dipped to a chilly 60 degrees, and how despite the conditions, my stomach had begun to growl. “Not going that way, are we? Westward it is.”
Walking away from my poor 902 proved to be harder than I’d anticipated. Despite the glass, the fizzling fires, and the darkness, it still held a familiar, human essence to it. Sitting inside it made me feel secure, safe, even calm about the situation. In any other circumstance, I would have just stayed with the downed aircraft to wait for help, but I knew the men who shot me down would likely find my crash site, and I didn’t want to be around when they did.
Unlike much of central and western Ohio, southeastern Ohio is hilly, brushy, and clogged with thick forests. Thorns snagged at my thin poncho and sliced at my pant legs. My knee throbbed, every step a form of self-inflicted torture. The rain never stopped, a steady drizzle from above just cold enough to be problematic as time went on, making me shiver. Mud slid under my tennis shoes, and every tree looked ten times bigger in the flickering beam of my cheap flashlight. Icy fear prickled at the back of my neck at some of the sounds that greeted me through the gloom. I’d been camping loads of times, both in Pennsylvania and elsewhere, but these noises were something otherworldly to me.
Strange howls, screeches, and calls permeated the rain-soaked sky, some almost roars, while others bordered on human in their intonation. The more I walked, the softer the distant gunfire became, and the more prevalent the odd sounds, until the shadows seemed to fill with them. I didn’t dare turn off my flashlight, or I’d been completely blind in the dark, but a little voice in the back of my head screamed that I was too visible, crunching through the gloomy forest with my long beam of light stabbing into the abyss. It felt as though a million eyes were on me, studying me, hunting me from the surrounding brush, and I bitterly recalled how much I’d loved the old Survivor Man TV series as a kid.
Not so fun being out in the woods at night. Especially alone.
A twig snapped somewhere behind me, and I whirled on the spot, one trembling hand resting on the hilt of my K-Bar.
Nothing. Nothing but trees, bushes, and rain dripping down in the darkness.
“This is stupid.” I whispered to myself to keep my nerves in check as I slowly spun on the spot. “I should have went eastward anyway. God knows how long I’m going to have to—”
Creak.
A groan of metal-on-metal echoed from somewhere to my right, and I spun to face it, yanking the knife on my belt free from its scabbard. It felt so small and useless in my hand, and I choked down a wave of nauseas fear.
Ka-whump. Creak. K-whump. Creak.
Underbrush cracked and crunched, a few smaller saplings thrashed, and from deep within the gloom, two yellow orbs flared to life. They poked through the mist in the trees, forming into slender fingers of golden light that swept back and forth in the dark.
The soldiers . . . they must be looking for me.
I swallowed hard and turned to slink away.
Ice jammed through my blood, and I froze on the spot, biting my tongue to stop the scream.
It stood not yards away, a huge form that towered a good twelve feet tall in the swirling shadows. Unpolished chrome blended with flash-rusted spots in the faded red paint, and grime-smeared glass shone with dull hues in the flashes of lightning. Where the wheels should have been, the rounded steel axels curved like some enormous hand had bent them, and the tires lay face-down on the muddy ground like big round feet, their hubcaps buried in the dirt. Dents, scrapes, and chips covered the battered thing, and its crooked little radio antenna pointed straight up from the old metal fender like a mast. I could barely make out the mud-coated VW on the rounded hood, and my mind reeled in shock.
Is . . . is that a car?
Both yellow headlights bathed me in a circle of bright, blinding light, and neither I nor the strange vehicle moved.
Seconds ticked by, the screech-thumping in the background only growing closer. I realized that I couldn’t hear any engine noises and had yet to see any soldiers or guns pointed my way. This car looked old, really old, like one of those classic Volkswagen Beetles that collectors fought over at auctions. Try as I might, I couldn’t see a driver inside the murky, mold-smeared windows.
Because there wasn’t one.
Lightning arched across the sky overhead, and the car standing in front of me blinked.
Its headlights slid shut, as if little metal shades had crawled over the bulbs for a moment and flicked open again. Something about that movement was so primal, so real, so lifelike, that every ounce of self-control I had melted in an instant.
Cursing under my breath, I lunged into the shrubs, and the world erupted around me.
Under my shoes, the ground shook, and the car surged after me in a cacophony of ka-thumps that made my already racing heart skip several beats. A weather-beaten brown tow truck from the 50’s charged through the thorns to my left, it’s headlights ablaze, and a dilapidated yellow school bus rose from its hiding place in the weeds to stand tall on four down-turned axel-legs. They all flicked their headlights on like giants waking from their slumber, and as I dodged past them, they each blared their horn into the night in alarm.
My breaths came short and tight, my knee burned, and I crashed through thorns and briars without thought to how badly I was getting cut up.
The cheap poncho tore, and I ripped it away as it caught on a tree branch.
A purple 70’s Mustang shook off its blanket of creeping vines and bounded from a stand of trees just ahead, forcing me to swerve to avoid being run over, my adrenaline at all-time highs.
This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening.
Slipping and sliding, I pushed through a stand of multiflora rose, and stumbled out into a flat, dark expanse.
I almost skidded to a stop.
What had once been a rather large field stood no taller than my shoestrings, the grass charred, and burnt. The storm above illuminated huge pieces of wreckage that lay scattered over the nearly 40-acre plot, and I could just make out the fire-blackened hulk of a fuselage resting a hundred yards away. The plane had been brought down a while ago it seemed, as there weren’t any flames left burning, and I threw myself toward it in frenzied desperation.
Burned grass and greasy brown topsoil slushed underfoot, and I could hear the squelching of the cars pursing me. Rain soaked me to the bone, and my lungs ached from sucking down the damp night air. A painful stich crept into my side, and I cursed myself for not putting in more time for cardio at the gym.
Something caught my left shoelace, and I hurtled to the ground, tasting mud and blood in between my teeth.
They’ve got me now.
I clawed at the mud, rolled, and watched a tire slam down mere inches from where my head had been. The Mustang loomed over me and jostled for position with the red Volkswagen and brown tow truck, the school bus still a few yards behind them. They couldn’t seem to decide who would get the pleasure of stomping me to death, and like a herd of stampeding wildebeest, they locked bumpers in an epic shoving match.
On all fours, I scampered out from under the sparring brutes, and dashed for the crumpled airplane, a white-painted DC-3 that looked like it had been cut in half by a gargantuan knife blade. I passed a snapped wing section, the oily remains of a turbo-prop engine, and a mutilated wheel from the landing gear. Climbing over a heap of mud, I squeezed into the back of the ruined flight cabin and dropped down into the dark cargo hold.
Wham.
No sooner had my sneakers hit the cold metal floor, and the entire plane rocked from the impact of something heavy ramming it just outside. I tumbled to my knees, screaming in pain as, once again, I managed to bash the sore one off a bracket in the wall.
My hand smeared in something gooey, and I scrabbled for my flashlight.
It clicked on, a wavering ball of white light in the pitch darkness, and I fought the urge to gag. “Oh man . . .”
Three people, or what was left of them, lay strewn over the narrow cargo area. Claret red blood coated the walls, caked on the floor, and clotted under my mud-spattered shoes. Bits of flesh and viscera were stuck to everything, and tatters of cloth hung from exposed sections of broken bone. An eerie set of bloody handprints adorned the walls, and the only reason I could tell it had been three people were the shoes; all of them bore anklebones sticking out above blood-soaked socks. It smelled sickly sweet, a strange, nauseas odor that crept into my nose and settled on the back of my tongue like an alien parasite.
Something glinted in the beam of my flashlight, and my pulse quickened as I pried the object loose from the severed arm that still clung to it.
“Hail Mary full of Grace.” I would have grinned if it weren’t for the fact that the plane continued to buck and roll under the assault from the cars outside.
The pistol looked old, but well-maintained, aside from the light coating of dark blood that stained its round wooden handle. It felt heavy, but good in my hand, and I turned it over to read the words, Waffenfabrik Mauser stenciled into the frame, with a large red 9 carved into the grip. For some reason, it vaguely reminded me of the blasters from Star Wars.
I fumbled with a little switch that looked like a safety on the back of the gun and stumbled toward a gap in the plane’s dented fuselage to aim out at the surrounding headlights.
Bang.
The old gun bucked reliably in my hand, its long barrel spitting a little jet of flame into the night. I had no idea if I hit anything, but the attacking cars recoiled, their horns blaring in confusion.
They turned, and scuttled for the tree line as fast as their mechanical legs could go, the entire ordeal over as fast as it had begun.
Did I do that?
Perplexed, I stared down at the pistol in my hand.
Whoosh.
A large, inky black shadow glided down from the clouds, and the yellow school bus moved too slow to react in time.
With a crash, the kicking nightmarish vehicle was thrown onto its side, spraying glass and chrome trim across the muddy field. Its electro-synth horn blared with wails of mechanical agony, as two huge talon-like feet clamped down on it, and the enormous head of the flying creature lowered to rip open its engine compartment.
The horn cut out, and the enormous flying entity jerked its head back to gulp down a mass of what looked like sticky black vines from the interior of the shattered bus.
At this range, I could see now that the flying creature bore two legs and had its wings half-tucked like a vulture that had descended to feed on roadkill. Its head turned slightly, and in the glow of another lightning bolt, my jaw went slack at the realization of what it was.
A tree trunk. It’s a rotted tree trunk.
I couldn’t tell where the reptilian beast began, and where the organic tree components ended, the upper part of the head shaped like a log, while the lower jaw resembled something out of a dinosaur movie. Its skin looked identical to the outside of a shagbark hickory but flexed with a supple featheriness that denoted something closer to skin. Sharp branch-like spines ranged down its back, and out to the end of its tail, which bore a massive round club shaped like a diseased tree-knot. Crouched on both hind legs, it braced the hooked ends of its folded wings against the ground like a bat, towering higher than a semi-truck. Under the folds of its armored head, a bulging pair of chameleon-like eyes constantly spun in their sockets, probing the dark for threats while it ate.
One black pupil locked onto the window I peered through, and my heart stopped.
The beast regarded me for a moment, with a curious, sideways sniff.
With a proud, contemptful head-toss, the shadow from the sky parted rows of razor-sharp teeth to let out a roar that shook the earth beneath my feet. It was the triumphant war cry of a creature that sat at the very top of the food chain, one that felt no threat from the fragile two-legged beings that walked the earth all around it. It hunted whenever it wanted, ate whatever it wanted, and flew wherever it wanted. It didn’t need to rip the plane apart to devour me.
Like my hunter-gatherer ancestors from thousands of years ago, I wasn’t even worth the energy it would take to pounce.
I’m hiding in the remains of the cockpit now, which is half-buried under the mud of the field, enough to shield the light from my screen so that thing doesn’t see it. My service only now came back, and it’s been over an hour since the winged beast started in on the dead bus. I don’t know when, or how I’m going to get out of here. I don’t know when anyone will even see this post, or if it will upload at all. My phone battery is almost dead, and at this point, I’m probably going to have to sleep among the corpses until daylight comes.
A dead man sleeping amongst friends.
If you live in the Noble County area in southeastern Ohio, be careful where you drive, fly, and boat. I don’t know if it’s possible to stumble into this strange place by ground, but if so, then these things are definitely headed your way.
If that happens . . . pray that they don’t find you.

The apartment was cheap, but not suspiciously so, especially given the relatively decrepit state of it. It was a 1 bedroom affair, the building itself constructed at some point before the Great Depression, and it certainly showed its age. The bathroom was prone to mold, the windows let in a draft even when closed, and the fact that it was up 6 flights of stairs in a building where the elevator seemed perpetually out of order certainly didn't help. However, beyond these usual allowances made for an affordable apartment in a city such as mine, there were no outward signs that anything wrong with the place. There were never any strange noises, unusual cold spots in the center of rooms, no eerie lights. For all intents and purposes, the apartment appeared utterly mundane.
It took me a frankly embarrassing amount of time to notice the door. 7 months in fact. I've never been much of a night owl, and on the rare occasions when I did have reason to be up in the wee hours my time was generally spent in someone else's bedroom.
At first, when I noticed the door, I assumed that I was hallucinating. I was, after all, in a fairly inebriated state, having just returned from a rather pleasant evening of laughter and debauchery. I already had experienced considerable difficulty in extricating my key from my apartment's lock, so I figured it was more likely that something had gone wrong with my perception rather than the unlikely scenario that a wood paneled door had suddenly materialized in my living room where previously there had only been wall.
It was old fashioned looking, with a shiny brass knob and wood the color of old leather. I shook my head for a moment and blinked, squinting at the object. The door was still there. I rubbed my eyes and closed them, counting down from 10. When I'd finished, I opened my eyes again. The door was still there. I'm not exactly sure what I thought counting down from 10 was supposed to accomplish. Beyond one mercifully brief experience with salvia at a very bad party, I'd never experienced hallucinations before, so I was sort of going off of what I'd seen in movies and TV shows.
There was something intensely unnerving about the door. It emanated a feeling of primal wrongness, I instinctually knew that I was gazing at something totally in violation of the natural order. It took a lot of willpower to do what I did next.
Having exhausted all other apparent options to my disorganized mind, I moved on to the next logical stage of inquiry; I tried to open it. The doorknob was cold to the touch, arctic even. It felt like touching the inside of a freezer. A shiver ran down my back, though I can't be sure in retrospect if it was entirely from the temperature. I tried to turn the knob. It didn't budge.
An immense sigh of relief escaped my lungs, releasing a breath that I didn't know I was holding in. Trying to think of what else I could do, I pulled out my phone and snapped a quick photo of the thing, sending it to my landlord, with a caption somewhere along the lines of "wtf is this dude, y is there a new door???"
Nodding sagely to myself, as if I had succeeded in doing anything of note, I stumbled my way into my bedroom and locked the door before falling into blissful slumber.
I awoke to the incessant screeching of my alarm clock loudly informing me that it was 7 o' clock, about 6 hours from when I had fallen asleep. I slammed my fist against "off" button and rubbed the sleep from my eyes with my other hand. In following with my usual morning routine, I then pulled out my phone and checked through my notifications.
Alongside the usual torrent of internet pseudo-acquaintances posting pictures of their brunches and whatnot was a text message from my landlord. "What are you talking about Christina", it read, "is this photoshop or something?"
At first, I didn't understand what he was referring to, but when the rusted gears of my sleepy (and hungover) brain finally started turning, I immediately jumped out of bed and scuttled over to the spot where the door had been just 6 hours prior. I did so with the intent of recording a video to further prove its existence to my skeptical landlord... but I was greeted with nothing but wall.
I texted my landlord an apology, lying and saying it was just a poorly thought out prank. Then I popped into my car and drove down to the local electronics store to purchase a camera from the grumpy underpaid college student behind the register.
Making my way over to the photography section, I searched a long while for the option that simultaneously fit my budget and the requirements for my investigation. Eventually, I found just the item.
It was a trailcam, the sort of thing hunters and geriatrics with too many acres of land and not enough hobbies use to observe wildlife. It had an SD card with enough space for several hours of blurry, black and white nightvision video, and most importantly it was cheap. I paid for my prize with the surly cashier and made my way happily back to my apartment.
I set it up securely in front of where the door had previously appeared, and, feeling like a genius, went about the rest of my day. I fell asleep that night secure in the knowledge that by morning I would have proof of what I had seen the night before.
The next morning, I rushed over excitedly to my living room, feeling like a child on Christmas morning. My giddy excitement died as I stepped into the living room, noticing the complete lack of the trailcam. Old Saint Nick appeared to have shit in my stocking.
I made my way back to the electronics store, forced once again into interacting with the student behind the register for whom my very existence seemed to be an inconvenience. Upon noticing my arrival, he sighed heavily. "Can I help you ma'am?" he said, emphasizing the last word with the same inflection one might say intestinal parasite.
"I'm looking for a cheap camera that will stream video directly to my computer." I said, trying my best to avoid mimicking the man's petulant tone.
Shrugging his shoulders and releasing another drawn out sigh, the cashier shuffled his way over to the photography section and picked out a small camera, rather similar to the last one I purchased, but approximately twice as much in terms of cost. "Do you have anything cheaper?" I asked, trying my best to sound polite.
"No." declared the cashier, with all the compassion of an exterminator crushing a cockroach beneath a steel toed boot.
I ended up paying the exorbitant price on my already abused credit card, and grumpily stalked back to the apartment to set up the new equipment, knowing I wouldn't get to see it after the night was over.
Nevertheless, I had to know how the door got there, and I needed to have irrefutable evidence.
The process to set up the new camera was a bit more involved than the last. There was all manner of fiddling about with connecting the device to my WiFi network and installing some new software to my computer, but by the time it was over it successfully uploaded footage directly to my hard drive where I could watch it at my leisure.
I went to bed that night wondering what I would do with the footage after I acquired it. After all, I couldn't really go to the police with it, could I? Excuse me officer, I imagined myself saying, but a mysterious door appears in my apartment at night, and I was wondering if you could send someone around to take a look? I'd end up institutionalized. Similarly, it's not like I could go to the newspapers either. I live in a big city, and the reporters have more important fish to fry than transient doors.
At some point while I pondered my options, I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew I was awakened by the banshee cries of my alarm clock, angrily informing me that it was once again 7 o' clock.
I jumped out of bed, excitedly moving over to my computer to check the footage, finding that there was about 5 hours of video. I had turned on the camera at around 10 o' clock PM, so that meant whatever happened to the camera occurred at about 3 AM.
I set the video to fast forward and watched it carefully. The first 2 hours or so showed nothing, just the regular blank wall. At exactly 12 o' clock, however, static engulfed the screen, and suddenly the old wooden door simply appeared, as if it had always been there. I rewound the footage and played it at normal speed, trying to discern anything that would show how the door suddenly manifested in the wall of my apartment, but the static was far too heavy to tell. The video simply got incredibly distorted for around 10 seconds, and suddenly the static dissipated and there was the door.
Even on video, just looking at it gave me the chills. That sense of complete and utter wrongness came through even from the screen. I shivered slightly and set the video on fast forward yet again. There was no change in the door for nearly 3 hours, but as the video crept closer and closer to the end, I switched it back to normal speed with about a minute to spare.
As I watched, the door began to slowly open. There was no microphone built into the camera, but I could imagine the ancient hinges creaking. I could feel my palms begin to sweat as I stared, transfixed. I glanced at the time remaining on the video, it was only around 30 seconds.
As the video progressed onwards, the door eventually swung fully open, revealing a black, yawning void beyond it. Static began to gather at the corners of the screen, increasing in intensity as I vaguely discerned something moving in the darkness. The quality was rapidly degrading, and I couldn't tell any specifics, but it moved in an almost spider-like manner, skittery and deeply unnerving. It seemed just about to come into view when the footage fully dissolved into static and the video ended abruptly.
I leaned back in my chair, contemplating my next move. While the video had certainly convinced me that I wasn't just going crazy, I knew that it wouldn't exactly convince the average person. I could easily have added in the static with editing, and the vague movement behind the door could just be computer generated effects or some sort of puppet. After a few minutes of pondering, I came up with an idea.
---
"I'm sorry, what?" exclaimed Lilith, who was trying hard not to choke on her iced coffee.
"A door. It appears in my apartment at exactly midnight. I have it on video", I replied, sliding my phone across the table of the coffee shop.
I first met Lilith in college, where we shared a course on the history of Gothic literature. She was a perfect picture of the stereotypical goth, with pierced septum, dyed black hair, pentacle earrings, and a wardrobe whose diversity of color could charitably be compared to that of a raven. We hadn't spoken in a long time, but I figured if there was anyone I should contact about this sort of thing, it would be her.
I'd condensed the 5 hours of footage down to a few minutes with the help of a free online video editor, and watched in slight amusement as Lilith's brow furrowed, her eyes glued to the screen. After the video ended, she seemed utterly amazed.
"Any thoughts?" I asked, pulling back my phone.
"This is some sort of joke, right? You're screwing with me?" she asked, utterly bewildered by what I had just shown her.
"No joke. No screwing around. I figured you'd be the one to ask about this, because of the whole, you know..." I said, gesturing at the leviathan cross emblazoned on her black t-shirt.
Lilith rolled her eyes at me and fidgeted nervously with one of her bracelets. "I'm not sure Christina, this seems a little bit outside of my pay grade. I don't really know what you expect me to do."
"I just need a witness of some kind. What I've got here isn't really enough to prove anything on its own, but if someone else sees it that might lend me a bit of credibility. If some random chick goes to the news complaining about a mysterious door appearing in her living room at midnight that's nothing, but if I get a witness then they might have to listen to me. Plus, I figured maybe you could, I don't know, set up some form of protective circle or sigil or something." As soon as the last words left my lips, I felt like a moron, but Lilith actually seemed to perk up a little bit.
"I mean, I guess that makes sense. How about tonight? I can come over at about 11 o' clock so we have a little bit of time to get ready", she said, a tinge of excitement in her voice.
"Sound's like a plan then, I'll text you my address. I really appreciate you doing this for me." We got up from the booth, exchanged hugs, and went our separate ways. I was skeptical about how much good Lilith's "magickal" expertise would do with regard to the unearthly door, but I had mainly mentioned it to get her interested.
I wish I hadn't.
---
About 12 hours later, I heard a knock at the door (my front door, in this case, not the impossible one). I peeked through the peephole, saw it was Lilith, and I ushered her inside. She had brought with her a black leather bag, bulging with various books, candles, jars, and other occult accoutrements.
"That's a lot of stuff", I commented, gesturing towards the bag, "are you sure you'll need all of it?"
She shrugged. "I figured it's better to be safe than sorry. I'd rather be overprepared than come up short."
"Seems reasonable."
I showed her the spot of the blank wall where the door appears and she began setting up candles and incense, drawing strange signs with chalk, and pouring salt in a semi-circle in front of where the door would be. As she worked, she occasionally read out loud from some cheap paperbacks with titles like "The Witch's Bible" and "The Unquiet Dead: A Field Guide to the Afterlife".
To be entirely honest it was incredibly underwhelming. I didn't feel any "mystical energies" or unseen vistas of space and time yawning before me. There was just a goth screwing around with some candles while reciting mangled Latin out of books she got for 4.99 apiece at a charity shop.
Nevertheless, I let Lilith get on with her business and sat back drinking some cheap beer. After about 45 minutes she seemed satisfied. The floor and walls were covered with crude sigils done in white chalk, and the whole room smelt of incense and scented candles. I checked my watch, seeing it was 11:48.
I offered Lilith a drink but she declined, instead just taking a seat and fidgeting a bit with her jewelry. We talked for a while about what the door could be, where it came from, that sort of thing. Lilith seemed convinced it was must be the restless spirit of a former tenant, but I was a bit skeptical. While at this point I could no longer honestly say I didn't believe in the supernatural, this didn't necessarily strike me as some sort of haunting.
"I don't think it's a ghost", I said, taking a sip from my near empty can, "it strikes me as something further beyond our realm of experience than that. Something, I don't know, alien somehow. I mean it changes reality itself doesn't it? It transmutes a wall to a door, and let me tell you that door was real wood and the knob was real metal. Aren't ghosts supposed to be intangible or something?"
Lilith seemed like she was about to say something before she paused, a weird look crossing her face. "Christina, what time is it?" she whispered.
I checked my watch, the digital face reading out 12:07. I turned to see the door. It had been there for 7 minutes and we hadn't even noticed its arrival. Something about us not having realized it was there bothered me far more than its materialization. Was it possible that I'd passed by it in the apartment before and just never noticed it? I'd previously assumed that I'd simply always been asleep or out of the apartment when it materialized, but now I wasn't so sure.
Lilith had turned to look at it too, after a moment saying "It's like it's always been there."
The next 3 hours passed slowly, painfully. We snapped plenty of pictures of the door at every conceivable angle on our respective phones, videos too, and decided that after it disappeared again we should take footage of the bare wall for contrast. Lilith and I chatted a bit, but it was hard to continue conversations for long. Now that we had noticed it, we could feel the wrongness emanating out from the door, as if we were being watched by something just out of sight.
I don't know if there is such a thing as true evil, some sort of absolute moral right and wrong on a spiritual level. But being near that door, I felt like I was bearing witness to an atrocity against reality itself. We spent the last 2 hours of observation in nearly complete silence. It seemed like the longer we were cognizant of the door, the worse the feeling of discomfort got. If you've ever been on a roller coaster, you'll be familiar with the feeling of going up the track towards a long drop, the tension in your very blood as you brace yourself for the fall to come. As we sat there, I felt something similar.
I almost wanted to call the whole thing off, just have Lilith and I go to a 24 hour fast food place or something and call it a night. But I had to know.
Unlike with the door's appearance, we noticed when it started to open. We sat there, paralyzed with fear and excitement as it slowly started to creak open, the worn hinges squealing just as I thought they would. The room grew significantly colder, until we were both shivering intensely. Behind the door was void, absolutely void. It was black as the depths of the ocean and emanated pure dread. The smell of incense and scented candles seemed to dissipate, replaced with a vague stench like rotting seaweed.
Finally, the entrance was swung fully open, and we sat there, staring blankly into it. We didn't even try to pull out our phones to record what we saw. The thought to do so didn't cross my mind until well after.
I could see something start to move in the darkness beyond, some sort of motion, spidery, skittering. It was coming towards us. I caught a vague glimpse of a long, thin limb reaching out from the door, coming towards us, grasping blindly from out of the dark, and then-
I felt the sun shining on my face, my entire body sore.
I opened my eyes to find myself lying on the ground, outside. There were trees overhead, but the foliage wasn't dense enough to block out the light which had awoken me. All things being equal, I would have preferred my alarm clock.
I stood up, painfully, taking stock of my surroundings. I was in a park, one which I had been to before, located a couple miles from my apartment. I looked for my phone, but couldn't find it. I began to stumble my way back home, trying my best to ignore my aching muscles. I called out for Lilith a couple times, but was met only with silence. She was gone.
As I limped my way along, a passing jogger called out "Nice tattoo". Confused, I looked down at my arm.
Burned into my flesh in white letters, as if through frostbite, were the words "BRING MORE".