Exxon diesel near me

Remember, this was my reaction, written down while listening to the songs, mid song. If something doesn't make sense, it was because I was distracted by the music.
Rescued - 9/10 - bop, already listened to it, love the outro/bridge.
Under You - 8/10 - already released, some classic early 2000s foos, reminds me of learning to fly
Hearing Voices - 8.5/10 - first new one! acoustic. Love the laid back voice. That is not a sound I have heard in a voice for a while, love the echoed sound of his voice and the guitars, chorus stays chill. reminds me of saint cecilia in terms of musicality. loving dave's singing in this album. some of the guitar I think ruins the vibe, especially around 2:20 ish. like the fade back to the acoustic and piano, absolutely beautiful.
But Here We Are - 10/10 - didnt listen live. cool af drums, 7/4? back to times like these? love the distortion guitar in the intro. kinda wonky? awesome prechorus and drum fill. great chorus, lots of emotion in it. not sure if I like the screamy or the echo on the voice? guitar sounds cool though. love the drums on this song, and the keyboard in the background of the chorus. guitar solo too?? with killer drums?? OUTRO SOLO??? great overall.
The Glass - 9.5/10 - MORE ACOUSTIC! heavy vibes, reminds me of karma police for some reason? really sad vibes, but gets positive. definitely a vibey song, something to listen too when you're down. still very much foo fighters. super chill. the "there is something between us" part makes me want to sing. love the tiny guitar solo! wish they kept it going for the chorus. love the little outro. keeps it well paced.
Nothing At All - 9/10 - heard the live version before. love the intro! heavy vibes. not sure if I like the reverby voice, but I like the distortion. guitars could be less muted, but leaves a great build to the chorus. EXPLOSIVE CHORUS. still, not sure about the muted guitars. still love the build. love the bridge, wish the breakdown was longer, without the lyrics. Live version is better. If the breakdown was extended, guitars were less muted in the verses, would have been 10/10.
Show Me How - 9.9/10 - listened to it as a single, mega vibes. violet being there alone at the end is just beautiful. nearly made me cry.
Beyond Me - 9.5/10 - weird keys? sad vibes again. love the whispers, big contrast to most foo fighters screaming. the way the guitars come in is beautiful. strong message. feels like if a buble song was written by foo fighters. still like the weird keys. lyrics are direct, so strong. W SOLO!!! comfortably numb vibes for some reason? solo couldve kept going through the chorus imo.
The Teacher - 10/10 - listened prior to the album, but listening in the context of everything changes the song. One of the best songs ive ever heard emotions-wise, lots of repeated lyrics build the intensity well. The strings make me want to cry. hard to believe they could pack so many great riffs in to one song. so much emotion! The force in the WAKE UPs resonates with me in some beautiful way. The fake ending is still cool. the reverb and echo on dave's vocals add just that little bonus sadness to the song. Love the outro and the white noise. That outro riff is one of the best riffs I think the foos have ever made. The way the white noise just cuts o-
Rest - 11/10 - unspeakable. just beautiful. listen to it yourself, along with the rest of the album. Don't normally cry to music, but this made me tear up.
Listened to the album as soon as it came out. This has to be their best album yet. 10/10.
My opinions will probably change over time, just wanted to share my first reactions.

Link to Part 1
Link to Part 2
Link to Part 3
Link to Part 4
Link to Part 5
Link to Part 6
Link to Part 7
Link to Part 8
Link to Part 9
Link to Part 10
Link to Part 11
Link to Part 12
Link to Part 13
Link to Part 14
Link to Part 15
Link to Part 16
Link to Part 17
Link to Part 18
Link to Part 19
Link to Part 20
Link to Part 21
Link to Part 22
Link to Part 23
Note: This story is meant to be read after completing DDLC Plus. All credit for the original DDLC and DDLC Plus characters and world goes to their creator. Some concepts like the Universal Constructor are also borrowed from other series (most notably the original Deus Ex), though its use in this story is my own idea. My original characters in this story will deliberately not be named and their descriptions will be kept vague, so anyone reading this who wants to see themselves in one of the original characters can more easily do so. I'd welcome any feedback and will post more parts as I write them. I hope you enjoy the story. This chapter took a bit longer due to the challenges inherent in writing poetry and trying to write something that I thought sounded like the various characters. As with previous installations, here is a custom dialogue to go with it: The Poetry Festival
Credit for Sayuri's character design goes to user Hoeruko who made the design a number of years ago and originally posted Sayuri in this thread: The next doki fusion, Sayuri, is here.
Here is Part 24 of Digital Reality. The Literature Club finally gets to put on the festival. Will their words have an impact on any of the MES engineers? Will they get Monika back?
Part 24: Digital Poetry
The Literature Club members all stood together in the club room and waved a greeting to the group in the MES conference room.
“Hi everyone!” Sayori began, “On behalf of the Literature Club, thank you for joining us today. I’m Sayori, and this is Yuri, MC, Natsuki, and our newest member, Sayuri. Though our club president Monika isn’t here right now, we’ve all written poems to share with you today.”
“Don’t forget the cupcakes,” Natsuki added, “I don’t usually share it, but you should have my recipe for the best cupcakes ever in the packets you have. I made some for us to share here, but since we don’t have a way to send them to the real world, I figured sharing the recipe was the next best thing!”
The MES engineers flipped through the packets on the table in front of them.
“A cupcake recipe?” asked Rea Vorte with surprise, “You can’t just make cupcakes appear in the simulation?”
“No,” Natsuki replied, “Knowing what we now know about our world I know why you would think that, but I’ve always made my cupcakes with a recipe and ingredients.”
“Interesting,” Ro Teether said, “I would not have expected the simulation to go into that level of detail.”
“I think the original script contained an event in which the characters can bake cupcakes, so that may be where it comes from,” replied Ive Laster.
Paula Miner sat silently, looking intently at the recipe page. After a few moments she looked up.
“I’m by no means an expert baker, but reading through this recipe it does look like it would work,” Miner said, glancing from Laster to Natsuki, “Your secret ingredient is rather interesting, too.”
Natsuki smiled, “That’s how I’ve always made them.”
“By the way, since we’re on a two-way connection, can they see us?” Miner asked.
“Sort of,” the FXI President replied, “They’ve told me when I’ve been connected to the system that I appear as a fuzzy silhouette to them.”
“Yeah, we can’t see you exactly, but we know you’re there,” Sayori confirmed.
Miner nodded slowly. “Very well. We’ll need to chat about this cupcake recipe more later. Please continue.”
“Okay!” Sayori said, “We’ve each written a poem that we’re going to share with you today. There’s no particular theme that connects them all, but with everything that we’ve learned in the past week we thought that writing was a good outlet for our thoughts and emotions.”
“MC has agreed to start today’s event by sharing his haiku, entitled ‘Poem About Poetry’,” Sayori continued.
MC stepped to the front of the group. He looked down at his piece of paper and then back up at the group as he began to speak.
“I’m far from as good of a writer as some of the other members you’ll hear from today, but that just means that the quality can go up from here,” MC said in a self-deferential tone, “This is a poem I wrote about the creative process of writing poetry.”
He winked at Sayori as he began to read.
“What is poetry?
Far more meaningful than just
Simply random words”
Natsuki grinned. “Wow, you didn’t take my advice about not just throwing random words on a page, you literally wrote a poem about it!”
“Haiku is an interesting choice,” Teether said, “It shows an understanding of syllables and structure, and I find it very ‘meta’ that you would choose to create a poem about poetry.”
MC nodded, “My past poetry has been accused of being nothing more than twenty random words on a page, so I’m poking fun at myself a bit.”
“Well done, MC,” Sayori said, “That was a fun poem! Next up will be Yuri, with her poem called ‘The City.’”
Yuri stepped to the front of the group. She glanced to the side, looking slightly nervous. After a few moments, she seemed to gather her thoughts and looked toward the group. “My poem is not as straightforward as MC’s haiku, so I would prefer not to share the meaning until after you have had the opportunity to consider it for yourselves.”
She started to read, her voice becoming stronger and more confident with each word.
“A city stood in the distance.
Shining lights, soaring towers.
A beautiful and magnificent place.
A place of honor and achievement
When viewed from afar with detachment.
Though upon arrival
The city unveils its truth.
There is no honor here.
Glowing lights
Are cold and artificial.
I thought I knew this place
But it treats me as a stranger.”
Yuri looked around the club room after she had finished speaking. An enigmatic smile of satisfaction crossed her face.
Sayori spoke up first. “Yuri, it seems like your poem could be about changes in perspective over time. Like going back to visit a neighborhood you’ve moved away from. You know things aren’t as they once were, but you still kind of feel lonely when you find that things have changed.”
Yuri nodded. “That’s part of it. We’ve all experienced a significant change recently as we’ve understood our world, and I struggled to find a way to describe what I was feeling. Places that had been familiar to me suddenly appeared different with the knowledge that this is a simulation.”
“So the AIs can not only write poetry but use metaphors and explain their meaning,” Teether observed, “Fascinating. Ive, you never told me that the entities in VM1 were capable of creativity like this.”
Laster shrugged, “Other than Monika, they were tied to the script until recently. Based on Monika’s behavior, we knew that at least she was capable of taking initiative and making changes to the world, but she was the only entity able to do that. The script included poetry, but we’ve never tasked the entities with creating original content.”
“This isn’t because of anything that the FXI team did, right?” Teether asked, “I know you mentioned that they were responsible for all of the entities gaining elevated access permissions. They didn’t extend the script or anything?”
“Yes and no,” the FXI CTO replied, “We restored files to the VM and added the ‘monitor kernel access’ permission to all of the characters, but we didn’t do any scripting. This is all them.”
Miner glanced between the FXI President and the FXI CTO with suspicion but said nothing.
Sayori took the pause as an opportunity to continue. “Thanks, Yuri. Natsuki will be next with her poem, ‘My Friends.’”
“Okay, time for my poem!” Natsuki said, “Mine is a bit more upbeat than Yuri’s.”
“Some come from near
Some from afar
Each shines bright like a star
They’re my friends
That’s who they are
Old or new
Many or few
Friends are important
To me and you”
Natsuki smiled at the group, “You all inspired this poem. And by you all I mean both you all here in the club and our new FXI friends. You’ve made the literature club a place that I’ve enjoyed and a place of friendship.”
“I liked your poem, Natsuki,” Sayori said, “I’m glad you feel that way about your friends.”
A look somewhere between exhaustion and frustration came across Paula Miner’s face. “This is all well and good, but are we gathering any useful data from listening to an AI read a cute little poem like this?”
Natsuki glared at Miner and opened her mouth to offer what was certain to be a sarcastic retort, but Sayori pre-empted her.
“Are you not enjoying our poetry?” Sayori asked, sounding disappointed.
“The poetry is fine. I’ll even say it’s impressive for AI-generated content,” Miner replied, “But though your poems are interesting, we’re here to do a job, not study literature. And we need to gather useful data to justify our own jobs and this project’s existence. So tell me, Ive, are we getting useful data from this?”
Laster tapped a few keys on his laptop. “We’re recording this session and logging all data. It looks like there may be some interesting patterns of activity, but we won’t be able to say for sure until we analyze what we’ve got.”
“I’d imagine that you’re likely getting a lot of useful data,” the FXI President chimed in, “You’re not only gathering the data logs from VM1, but you can pair them with the recordings to understand what happens in the system when the AIs are allowed to interact and create on their own. I don’t know what your project goals are, of course, but in terms of AI research I’d think that there’s something you can get out of this.”
“There also may be something useful for our efforts to stabilize our connection to VM2,” Teether added, “If we can understand how entities operate when freed from a script in VM1, it may give us some clues as to how we might be able to interact with VM2.”
Miner considered for a moment and then nodded. “Perhaps you’re right. Ive, let’s just make sure we’re logging everything for future analysis.”
As the conversation once again died down, Sayori continued. “I’ll go next. My poem is called ‘A New Day’ and it’s about my journey with some personal challenges.”
She took a deep breath and began to recite her poem.
“Storms tried to block out the sun
The world was dark and gray.
It’s so hard to have any fun
When the clouds won’t go away.
But you never stopped trying
To shine through the darkness
Even when I was crying
You showed me kindness
It’s a new day now
Though the clouds aren’t gone
The sun shines somehow
I find the strength to carry on”
Sayori blinked away misty eyes as she finished reading. The other club members surrounded her in a group hug as she stepped back from the front of the room.
“That was a wonderful poem, Sayori,” MC said, “You share your feelings so well.”
“I liked that poem quite a bit,” Laster chimed in, “It’s got a great message of perseverance and hope even in challenging times.”
Sayori nodded. “I’ve been through a lot, but things are getting better now. My friends have been a huge source of support through all of this.”
“I really like your writing, Sayori,” Sayuri added, “Your poem is easy to read but the more you think about it, the more you feel the emotions you’re trying to convey.”
“Thanks, everyone. I appreciate your kind words,” Sayori replied, “And now for the finale of our festival I’d like to introduce our newest member, Sayuri, and her poem ‘What Remains.’”
Sayuri stepped to the front of the group. “I’ve been reading through classic poetry recently. Poems like Shelley’s ‘Ozymandias’ inspired me to write this one about what will stand the test of time in a time when so much is digital.”
Sayuri paused, looking around the room, before closing her eyes and reciting her poem from memory.
“Ancient monuments that still stand
Classic portraits and landscapes grand
Such works are the legacies of the past
Physical objects that will last
But what will tell of this new age?
When are stories are gigabytes, not a printed page
A digital reality, its purpose completed
Leaves little trace if it’s deleted
If all that remains is a dusty drive
Will the future know we were alive?”
Sayuri opened her eyes as she finished. Both the club room and the MES conference room were silent as both groups took in her words.
“Wow, Sayuri,” Yuri said, breaking the silence, “That was incredible. I really loved the images you created with your words.”
The FXI President glanced around the conference room. Paula Miner’s expression had softened, and she appeared to be lost in thought. Ro Teether continued to look excited and intrigued by his observations of the Literature Club. The FXI CTO wore a satisfied smile. Ive Laster looked relaxed and relieved. And Rea Vorte was looking down at the conference table and shaking her head. Her expression was difficult to read.
Miner looked up at the screen showing the Literature Club. “I never thought an AI would generate content that would make me feel anything. But I have to say this has given me some things to think about. Ive, can you please confirm that we’ve logged all the data from this session?”
Laster nodded. “Yes, we’ve got everything. If this is the last big data gathering session we have before decommissioning VM1, I’d say it’s a pretty good one to go out on.”
“If this is truly AI-generated content, this seems like a new level of sophistication,” Teether mused, “It’s one thing to be able to generate text, but to be able to convey this kind of emotion and explain the meaning of metaphors is not a capability I’ve ever seen in AI.”
“It’s a little scary,” Rea Vorte added, “I don’t know that I like the idea of AI this sophisticated. Especially after what we saw Monika-”
“Let’s refrain from speculation,” Miner said, cutting Vorte off, “We can talk more about system capabilities later.”
“You think we’re scary?” Sayori said, looking sad, “We just wanted to share our writing with you. We just wanted to show that we’re not that different from you. We have feelings, emotions, and desires just like you do.”
“You’ve got my vote, for whatever it’s worth,” the FXI CTO said with a smile, “I’m not big into poetry, and I certainly had my concerns about sophisticated AI when I first encountered all of you. But the more I’ve interacted with and observed you the more I see how similar you are to us.”
Miner glanced sideways at the FXI CTO but said nothing.
“Can we please have Monika back now?” Natsuki asked.
Laster turned to Vorte, “Rea, please move Monika’s file back to VM1 by COB today. Let’s discuss how we can best move the entire simulation after we’re done here.”
“Thanks, Ive!” Natsuki said with a smile, “Sayori did a great job leading the club in Monika’s absence, but it will be good to have her back.”
Vorte looked up at Laster. Frustration was evident on her face. “Like I said before, let’s discuss that offline after we’re done here.”
Laster shrugged. “Fine. I’m not blaming you if there’s a problem by the way. If there’s an issue, we’ll work on it together.”
“Great job, everyone,” the FXI President said to the Literature Club, “We’re going to log off from VM1 now, but I’m sure we’ll talk again soon.”
The Literature Club members waved to the group in the MES conference room as the club room faded from the projection screen to be replaced with Laster’s desktop.
“I think we have a lot to discuss, and it’s going to take some time to unpack the implications of everything that we just saw,” Miner said, “I was skeptical of the value of this presentation at the start of this meeting, but I’m hopeful that we have gathered new and useful data from this session. Let’s all take a break for a bit and reconvene at six, which gives us an hour break. I want to discuss this further. Ro, can you please order in some dinner for the group? I think we’re going to have a long night.”

This closes my pathetic trilogy about the girl I like. It's 2 AM, one of those days where I'm sad because of her. So it's time to solve my inner conflict once and for all, without waiting till tomorrow.
If you haven't read my previous posts, basically I said that I like this girl and have built up feelings over time, but I never directly told her how I feel because I was scared she was dating someone else. And she was, in fact. One day I saw her crying in class and I could sense what it was about. In the afternoon, I asked if she was okay and she said she got rejected by someone, but I only replied that I was sorry. I didn't want to pry in a moment like that and I think I made the right choice.
I was feeling bad about the whole situation and was preparing to not continue my friendship with her. But an event changed my perspective and made me optimistic: During a school trip, I decided I would let her know I liked her, one way or another. So I showed genuine interest, I talked to her until late and I was always trying to be near her. So the third night she asked me about my relationships and I simply replied I wasn't, though immediately changing the subject because I'm stupid. But that even made me get hope and some days after the trip I asked her out on a bike ride and she accepted.
Everything was going smooth, but soon after I noticed her interest level going down again. She was constantly on her phone and I tried to pretend it didn't bother me, but it did. I'm socially awkward when it comes to dating, she's more outgoing and she has a wider circle of friends. I feared that while I was doing mental gymnastics, she had started seeing other people. Surely I've made progress, in the sense that I have almost removed that mask I talked about in my other post (in the sense that I don't pretend to talk about things I'm not genuinely interested in). But it seems I'm back at the starting point, it seems I never had the chance from the beginning and I built everything in my head.
This is what led me to write this post now: tonight at a social event I heard her talking about dating other people. This time she was explicitly saying it (I didn't want to be there when she did because I was too sad). I was too sad knowing that I "failed" a second time and my hopes are now very low.
Why do I keep dwelling on it and why don't I just tell her how I feel? I don't even know why: it may be because of school, because she's in our friend group, because I'm not used to expressing my emotions, but I think the main reason is that I tried all this time to let her know I like her and now it has become such a big deal. I just can't tell her. When we talk about those things in our group (even when she's not there), my heart starts beating faster and I cannot physically let myself say those words. Moreover, I'm not feeling confident at all because I'm losing a lot of time while someone else already knows how to do it.
What should I do? Should I distance myself or should I tell her? Even if I could tell her I like her now I would still have to deal with the fact that she already likes someone else. And I'm absolutely not able to deal with a situation like that. I'm tired, from school, from this exhausting battle, that sees neither victory nor surrender. I feel like shit.

my bf is helping some foreign exchange student with her homework coz she doesn't understand + language barriers ok fine that's like a normal and kind thing to do.
but i HATE that i have this sick fucking feeling of jealously and irrational worry. im starving myself rn i dont want to leave the place. i want to be near him. its like i dont even exist anymore, she didn't even acknowledge my existence. im pretty sure its just some normal classmate friendship thing but im overthinking so much its so fucking dumb. i hate i want to throw up and cry and stab myself. why am i punishing myself, i cant even tell him any of this because its so fucking dumb and it makes no sense.
we were having so much fun hanging out together, he already told me beforehand that she'd be here and he was gonna help her with that. but i still feel fucking SICK TO THE CORE.
i dont even know her. im autistic i cant fucking tell what her intentions are or if shes hitting on him. she invited to treat him for lunch and my bf declined. I STILL FEEL SO SICK AND DISGUSTED. im sure this is all nothing and im overthinking for no reason.
i wish i were normal and didnt think this way

Hi there! So I'm 36 years old from Pennsylvania. I have always had a thing for much older men and don't even really know why exactly. Part of it might be that I've always been very mature for my age and tend to get along much better with people who are older than me. The idea of being in a committed long-term relationship with someone older just feels right and natural to me. I am somewhat of a traditional person and do want to be properly married at some point.
Like the title says, I am willing to relocate if I find a genuine connection with the right person, but I would strongly prefer to remain on this continent, so that means please only message me if you're in the United States or Canada.
I also don't want you to message me if you're into the whole dom/sub dynamic or daddy/daughter dynamic; I'm not interested in those dynamics at all. I'm just a traditional woman. I'm a very loving and affectionate person by nature and a strong believer in romantic love, and I just want to find my one-and-only who I can fall deeply in love with and devote myself to forever. I'm the type who sees human sexuality as a very deep and meaningful act of affection between two people who are in love, and I would rather make love than just have sex for the sake of sex. Looks aren't really important to me; I'm the type of person who bases romantic attraction on personality and chemistry more than anything else.
In the spring and summer, I regularly attend an all-ages family nudist camp that is near me. My mother raised me to be a social nudist, so I have been going there all my life. I'm not one of those nudists who is nude at home all the time; for me it's more of a social thing that I do at a family-oriented camp environment. I find the social cohesion in an environment like that creates friendships and bonds that are unlike any social dynamic that you would ever find in any other regular social situation. My own theory regarding this is that it triggers a dormant social-cohesion mechanism in the human psyche that we had way back in our early history when we were living in small communal tribes. Back then, it was probably more normal for people to be casually nude if they wanted to be during the warmer months because everybody knew everybody and nobody was a stranger, and I think that kind of thing would kind of solidify your bond with the tribe. That's just my theory anyways, but it makes a lot of sense because I'm friends with families at that camp and am much closer to them than I am with anybody outside of the camp.
But if you think that your lifestyle values align with mine, free to message me in chat, and we'll see what kind of chemistry we have! 😊

Hi there! So I'm 36 years old from Pennsylvania. I have always had a thing for much older men and don't even really know why exactly. Part of it might be that I've always been very mature for my age and tend to get along much better with people who are older than me. The idea of being in a committed long-term relationship with someone older just feels right and natural to me. I am somewhat of a traditional person and do want to be properly married at some point.
Like the title says, I am willing to relocate if I find a genuine connection with the right person, but I would strongly prefer to remain on this continent, so that means please only message me if you're in the United States or Canada.
I also don't want you to message me if you're into the whole dom/sub dynamic or daddy/daughter dynamic; I'm not interested in those dynamics at all. I'm just a traditional woman. I'm a very loving and affectionate person by nature and a strong believer in romantic love, and I just want to find my one-and-only who I can fall deeply in love with and devote myself to forever. I'm the type who sees human sexuality as a very deep and meaningful act of affection between two people who are in love, and I would rather make love than just have sex for the sake of sex. Looks aren't really important to me; I'm the type of person who bases romantic attraction on personality and chemistry more than anything else.
In the spring and summer, I regularly attend an all-ages family nudist camp that is near me. My mother raised me to be a social nudist, so I have been going there all my life. I'm not one of those nudists who is nude at home all the time; for me it's more of a social thing that I do at a family-oriented camp environment. I find the social cohesion in an environment like that creates friendships and bonds that are unlike any social dynamic that you would ever find in any other regular social situation. My own theory regarding this is that it triggers a dormant social-cohesion mechanism in the human psyche that we had way back in our early history when we were living in small communal tribes. Back then, it was probably more normal for people to be casually nude if they wanted to be during the warmer months because everybody knew everybody and nobody was a stranger, and I think that kind of thing would kind of solidify your bond with the tribe. That's just my theory anyways, but it makes a lot of sense because I'm friends with families at that camp and am much closer to them than I am with anybody outside of the camp.
But if you think that your lifestyle values align with mine, free to message me in chat, and we'll see what kind of chemistry we have! 😊

I am in a band and we released 1 album (it's an EP actually but whatever) and for the last 4 years we have been trying to write our second album and get a full band (first album was done without a drummer cause we couldn't find a decent 1). But we haven't even gotten around to doing much writing cause of drama. I'm getting tired of the drama. I love making music. I love working with these guys. I hate the fucking drama. I have enough problems figuring my own shit out. I'm tired of the drama. One of my bandmates died from a heart issue, and 2 former lying vipers of bandmates want to attack one of our main members. A part of me wants to quit. I'm nowhere near their level anyway. I get by, but we haven't even done a live show.

34F, 130lbs PMHX: GERD, adhd, depression, migraines Current meds: vyvanse, duloxetine, topiramate, vitamin D3, Pepcid PRN
I’ve been having severe near constant heart burn for the past couple of days since eating a really really spicy meal (not really relieved by Pepcid and pepto bismal)
Should I take omeprazole 20mg BID or just daily for 8 weeks for severe acid reflux?
I remember about 4 years ago I had really bad acid reflux (probably esophagitis) and my doctor told me to take a course of omeprazole for 8 weeks but I forget if it was once or twice a day and I’ve since moved and don’t have health insurance for another few weeks and my heart burn is really awful right now (likely esophagitis/gastritis)
Thanks for your help :)

Does it bother anyone else how slow their website responds? Slow website plus perpetual loading where it slowly loads the next 12 products when you get near the bottom equals insufferable misery.
Sometimes I give up looking for something it drives me crazy. I have 600MBit home Internet so I know it's not me.
Newmind is also slow but not as bad...

I recently got into a relationship with someone I really, really, like. We’re not girlfriends yet but our dynamic is basically the same. I really care about her and want her in my future even though we’ve been together for nearly four months— but her best friend is ruining my commitment and I’m unsure why. I would love some advice on what to do. Please bear with me if you can read through it all.
Her best friend, whom my partner loves very much and has told me, “I need her in my life”, is negatively affecting our relationship and this has been going on since we first got together. They’re roommates so I saw the both of them very frequently. I first thought her bestie was really cool, funny, and just really fun to hang out with. But I got to know my partner’s third roommate really well because we’re in the same program, and so my partner’s best friend started to feel a lot of FOMO and resentment towards my partner and I. This builds upon some conflict my partner and her best friend went through, where her bestie confided in her and felt that she couldn’t trust her anymore because she didn’t react in a specific way, and they both never addressed it and moved on pretending nothing happened. Everytime I would be over or around her best friend with my partner in the same room, her best friend would just shut down, go into her room, obvious shift in her mood, and wouldn’t talk to us. My partner loves her very much and even since we got together, she tends to try to regulate and make her best friend happy whenever she’s upset, which is very frequent (to the point where she questioned if she had a mood disorder). She’s mentioned to me before that sometimes she would feel guilty hanging out with me knowing that her best friend was sad. I stopped coming over to her place anymore and we would try to avoid her. It wasn’t too bad when we made that change. When summer started in May, things got better for my relationship because we weren’t around her anymore. Outside of this situation, our relationship is amazing. I’ve never met someone as smart, beautiful, talented, and all the above other than being the biggest people pleaser I know. I have fun with her, I can open up to her, and I can see a future with her. She has a big heart but she gets exhausted from it and it’s hard for me to see it. I have yet to commit and ask her to be my girlfriend because of the recent conflict.
Where I’m having difficulty right now is because her best friend conflict is emerging again. Summer has been awesome so far except the past two weeks. My partner and her best friend recently had a chat to clear up misunderstandings and “talk” about my affect on her best friend. My partner described it as a really good conversation, saying how everything should be fine now and they’re doing good. Yet, all they talked about in their conversation, similar to the previous ones they’ve had because of me, was just about understanding each other and their feelings and then reminiscing on their wonderful memories together. I can’t help but think if my partner really wanted it to get better for our relationship, then she would try to implement an actual action plan for her best friend to become more comfortable around me. Her best friend always mentions how she understands it’s her own mindset that’s causing her to react so intensely to my presence, and that she’ll “work on it” but this has been a recurrence for 4 months and I’m not understanding why my partner continues to believe her. After my partner thought everything was okay, she invited me to a queer club night with her best friend and some other friends. I was hesitant but tried to trust my partner on it. As I expected though, her best friend didn’t react well. She immediately said she wanted to go home, was convinced to stay for a bit longer, then avoided me and my partner the entire night. Later in the week, my partner and some of her friends wanted me to go to their friend gathering (fyi I get along perfectly fine with my partners other friends). My partner ended up saying she didn’t think it was a good idea because ever since their conversation, when I was brought up her best friends face would drop and she would go silent. Nothings changed.
This has been weighing heavily on me recently because I want a future with my partner, not necessarily getting married or any of that, but through the summer and into the next school year. That’ll be hell for as long as her roommate/best friend has the same feelings. For as long as my partner can’t lose her best friend, I feel that it’s so obvious that she’d choose her over me, because at this point it is indeed a choosing game. Her best friend has made no progress and I can’t keep expecting the present to be so fun and exciting with my partner for as long as this will become a problem again during the school year.
I have reason to believe that firstly, if my partner were a man, and these feelings of jealousy and distaste towards me were as apparent from her best friend as they are now, everyone would take this more seriously, including my partner. I feel as though because it is a lesbian relationship, the best friend or even my partner don’t think it’s as urgent as it should be. As well, I completely understand where her best friend is coming from. She feels as though she lost her best friend to a relationship (although we’ve tried numerous times to include her and spend time with her), she feels fomo, and she’s explicitly told my partner that I “bring out all her worst insecurities”. I’ve proposed the idea of them being in love with each other because genuinely, and I feel like I have no option but to question that but my partner has shut it down every time. But I don’t think understanding her can excuse all she’s done to our relationship. It makes me resent my partner for not doing enough even though I know she’s trying her best and also is exhausted. We don’t want to lose each other but I feel like I’m slipping every day that I’m not around her and I can’t pretend things are the way they used to be.
I know that my partner and I are bigger than the situation, but I don’t know if it’s sustainable. What happens when we go back to school and I have to avoid her roommate for the entire school year, and even then, completely because she’s integrated into her social groups back home? I’ll never be able to hang out with my partners friends because her best friend will always be there. Having this control over our relationship because my partner cares about her best friend feels so tiring to me. But I want to stay with my partner so bad but I know I don’t deserve this and leaving will allow me to find someone that truly embraces me and will choose me. Feeling like the second option constantly makes me feel as though she only wants me around because we’re attached to each other and I bring new emotional experiences for her. Is it self sabotage for me to say that breaking it off is for the sake of my future self? To save myself from falling deeper in love this summer just for it to be shattered when school starts? I don’t know how to go about this.
Because of these recent events, whenI’m not around her for a couple days, I’ll doubt a lot of what we are and feel distant. I have to look at photos of her to remind myself that I love her or to just feel something. I can’t help but text her drier than normal and just feel more disconnected. Things felt amazing for a while, but now I just feel sad when I think of her. Thinking of our relationship just makes me sad now. It used to make me so happy. I think my partner also values me very much, some of it being in the way that I provide her emotional support in a way she never received growing up. She's fighting for this and I can recognize it but I know it's tiring her as much as it is for me. I want to fight for this, but is it worth the pain that'll come for as long as her best friend remains the same? Constantly being put second to avoid putting her in discomfort? I've truly never felt this way about someone and I want to cherish it and live in the moment so bad.
If you’ve read everything, thank you. Please give me some advice. I don’t want to leave but I feel like I know what’s best for me. My friends say that love isn’t easy, and that you need to fight for it to truly show that you care. But I do care, I just don’t want to fight against something so relentless and out of my control.

Just about to sit down and play some games on steam and saw the "CRITICAL CORRUPTION" banner. Now being a good nerd, I open it up to skim the steam notes (great notes btw 👍) even though I already watched the video earlier today.
Then it got me thinking about another post I saw on here earlier today about season 4 experimental feedback. To be perfectly clear: I would have put in at least another 100 hours regardless of season 4 or any other updates ever caming out. It's just a fun game. But that post said the latest update was looking "shaky," so as a long time player I thought about it and ended up actually agreeing with a lot of the points brought up.
Then I remembered that this cost me zero dollars. I will admit I've been a staunch never-buy-cosmetics kinda guy, and I bought the game cheap* during early access. So the value I've gotten out of this game is, well, technically the most possible. It just reached my highest playtime of all my games. And my next 2 highest hour games I started playing in 2013, where I only bought Deep Rock in 2019.
edit: holy snap just checked and I can't believe the price is still only $35CAD, it should be double
Out of all the valuable things I've bought in my life, this cheap little 2.92 GB game is somehow right near the top. My customer satisfaction from this game is through the roof. This is my #1 game because every play experience they set out to create has been fun along the way. There is not a single event, mission type, modifier, haz5 revival spiral, class, gun, or bug (heh) that made me say "wow this game sucks." Not one moment. Personally, it's the pinnacle of horde-shooter co-op game design for me. It's my new standard and it sucks because so few games match up to be as great at fully achieving their intended scope.
And they just gave me more. For free. So ya, thanks devs.
I must admit that I've come to deeply admire GSG's commitment to Deep Rock's gameplay integrity. So we know if there's any real problems in the new season, they'll fix them.
Shout out to the randos I've spent 90% of my cavern-time with. Can't wait to explore the new content with y'all, you're what make this game so amazing! See you in the caves miners, ROCK AND STONE!
...
P.S. maybe make the meatball guy just a teensy bit bigger?

First Previous Wiki
Equisa frowned as she looked at her bosses again. The three Sprilnav Elders before her, not even Refined Elders, were simply staring at her disdainfully as if she'd asked if gravity was real. One of them wasn't even bothering to look at her and instead was scratching at his neck, likely a result of a bite.
A long time ago, there'd been someone who had released genetically modified Sprilnav into the air. They had been modified so heavily that it was definitely illegal, but the creatures were unusually hardy, bred fast enough to double their populations in a day, and constantly irritated most Sprilnav, even those who weren't Elders. And, of course, the products to prevent the bites were extra expensive, with planned obsolescence just another part of their hated design.
"But why can't I go back? There's no good reason for it. I want to see Joshua and Meihala again." She missed them greatly. Equisa had forgotten how lonely life was when there was no one you could call a friend. Even with all the wonderous tech of the Primary Galaxy, there was nothing that would fix that. Nothing real.
"Is fornicating with them your only reason for wishing to see them?"
"No," she replied. "But my relationship with them is a factor. I don't understand why you're constantly stonewalling me. It's unnecessary."
"You were trying to share technology with them."
"Then I won't do that anymore. Simple. Happy?"
"No."
"I can sign a binding non-disclosure agreement."
"You did last time, too."
Equisa scowled.
"I would like to talk with Nova, then."
The looks of disdain became those of derision. One of them looked like she was about to laugh at her.
"Nova is a Progenitor. He does not have time for you, much less should his divinity be tarnished by our presence. No, you are going to remain here and wait. Go find something else to do than waste our time."
The Elder pulled a hood over his head, tightened the straps of his cloak, and made a sign with his claws for the other two to follow. Equisa knew she wasn't invited to whatever meeting they were about to have. She assumed that she was going to get fired now and would have to find another place to work. That would be both demeaning and difficult. Another reminder of what she'd lost by being forced to leave the Alliance behind.
Equisa turned around mournfully, gazing at the door which led to the main corridor and elevator to the ground floor of the building. With absent amusement, she noticed that the windows had extra bars on the sides to prevent people from jumping out. Though she could jump off the very highest building in the city and come out unscathed.
Clearly, this wasn't getting her anywhere useful. Equisa had to re-think her options and determine a path forward. She exited the building, weaving through the crowds of Sprilnav that were walking and flying through the streets between the massive skyscrapers. Some of them had bought personal flight devices, useful for those who didn't want to deal with pedestrians. But it often led to disaster when people got drunk. But there were always more Sprilnav, so the accidents weren't being dealt with anytime soon.
She could see the high arches overhead, supported by huge amounts of metal and a superstructure that went down to the very core of the planet-sized city. After grabbing a few pieces of food that looked particularly good, like some meat from a new cloning facility, she settled down on a patch of artificial grass. There were other Sprilnav there, mostly couples on quiet excursions or children playing on various different playsets. But Equisa was alone.
She'd never had any children and didn't intend to. None of her previous mates had lasted longer than a few hundred years at most, which hadn't ever been enough time to unravel the complicated mess of secrets and suspicions surrounding almost every Sprilnav Elder. And having relationships with the common Sprilnav would be seen as a black mark on her reputation, perhaps the equal of the one she'd apparently received for daring to love two humans instead of some dry Elder who only moved one day a year.
While her relationship with Meihala and Joshua had been sudden, it hadn't been bereft of real love. She really did love them and wanted to have friends again. For far too long, she'd been alone. She didn't like feeling that anymore because it was in times like this when depression could sink its claws into her without warning.
She'd been trying to get in touch with the Alliance again without success. Even the more secret emergency methods she'd established weren't working at all. No quantum connections were successfully linked with her implants. Errors and notifications about having no access plagued her vision as she tried in vain to even send out a single message.
There was no way for her to reestablish contact, which worried and angered her. Even her ship was being watched, not that she could actually get to the Alliance using it. Wormholes were far too expensive for people of her stratum to be able to afford.
And she didn't have sponsors that would be willing to pay, either. She needed information, friends, and actual help. Help that no one was giving her. Her bosses didn't even care. It saddened her greatly. Equisa didn't know where she could find Nova, either. It wasn't like he was easy to find unless one knew where to look. He could easily disguise himself as a normal-looking Sprilnav, after all. Many technologies existed to allow that, and Nova likely had the best of the best.
Of course, Equisa wasn't sure how one could hide a tail, but that was just her. Even being able to have seen him once in her life was already far more than most Sprilnav would ever know. In that way, she'd been exposed to a higher power. Within the Sprilnav, the Progenitors were gods. They had cults and religious followings in their names, political power so immense that not even the rest of the species together could pool their resources enough to resist.
It was said that no one disagreed with them. And they didn't. Not if they wanted to continue existing. Equisa had a feeling that if Nova wanted to help her, he would. Though it wasn't like someone of his stature would appear before her.
"Why not?"
Equisa could feel the mindscape bend slightly and looked up to meet the eyes of a being that was far beyond her own abilities to comprehend. She didn't know what she felt at that moment.
Certainly surprised, for sure. A large amount of reverence for him and a growing disbelief that she wasn't dreaming. Perhaps she really was lying in bed with Meihala and Joshua again, and this irritating life would disappear when she awoke once more. But when she opened her eyes again, Nova still stood before her.
His small stature was quite distinctive. Despite her height advantage, there was no question as to the hierarchy of power here. Even the grass was bowing to him, bending low to the ground in a way she'd never known was possible.
And his voice held an aura of command so utterly intense that she only now noticed she was kneeling. She didn't bother trying to rise.
"What?" Equisa asked.
"Why wouldn't I appear before you?"
Of course he could read her mind. She expected nothing less. But it did feel a little violating. Okay, it felt very violating, but it wasn't like she could say that to his face. Oh. She just had.
Nova's small form coiled around itself before bulging and changing color. Soon, a normal Sprilnav was standing before her, but that ethereal air was still there. It was like a smell in the air but beyond that. Something pleasant yet distinctive. It didn't seem like perfume, either. She knew that it was affecting her mind in some way, but she didn't really care. Perhaps that was part of the effect, too.
"You're way too high up. I'm a nobody compared to you. At most, I should be seeing a Refined Elder, not a whole Progenitor."
"Am I not what you expected, then?" Nova asked. His amusement was clear in his strangely commanding voice.
Equisa sighed. "I don't know whether you're real. I can't tell if you're mocking me. I... don't know how to feel about you being here."
"You don't want me here?"
"No, it's not that. I want you here, but also... sort of wonder. Why come to me now? Why me and not the countless other Elders? Am I special? Was I chosen as something greater? And why do my superiors refuse to let me return to Earth and Luna? I have a life there."
Equisa knew now, more than ever, that she didn't have a life here.
"You do not have a life there. The humans you care for will die in less than a millionth of the time you have lived. Elder Equisa, to put it simply, associating with them in such a way is not just immoral, but it is not possible in even the short term."
Nova's cold eyes made Equisa flinch back. "I... I want to live a life free of shackles. Is that so much to ask?"
"Yes. For a Sprilnav Elder from the Primary Galaxy, it is. As an Elder, you are an envoy to the species as a whole. You represent us. Know that your actions on Luna were so reviled by some that I have already dismissed motions to assassinate you."
"People came to you, a Progenitor, to ask permission to kill me?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because if they did it without my permission, due to your very close ties with Humanity, it could become problematic for them. I would not protect them from the consequences of their actions. And additionally, there are some Elders that have called for you to be sealed away for somatic realignments."
Equisa couldn't hide her fury.
"They want to alter my mind, because they couldn't handle the thought of a human sticking themselves in me? How insanely childish and petty. In fact, I'd think the reputation of always being down for it is far better than that of genocidal sadists, which is the reputation our species has among all the others. Progenitor, kill me if you must, but at least let me die free."
"You shall. However, I am not here to kill you. I am here to determine what to do with you. Sending you back to Humanity would prevent a rupture of relations, particularly the only positive relations that Elders have with them period, with the exception of Nilnacrawla in Penny's head. However, doing so would also anger a number of highly powerful conservative factions, particularly those based around supremacy and purity of our species. Granted, I would not have to worry about such an issue. But you, and your family, might be different. It is entirely possible they might wipe out all of your relatives, were you to leave for Luna to go back and soil yourself among the humans."
She frowned. "I did not soil myself, Progenitor. You don't understand what it's like. Even now, everyone I thought I knew ridicules me for daring to love who I love. Even you. You're the closest thing to a god this universe has ever seen. And yet, even you stand before me, heaping your disgust for me onto my already burdened shoulders. They're not animals, Progenitor."
"Your actions are casting the Alliance in a negative light as well, in the eyes of many Sprilnav who would not care otherwise."
"And so what? They don't matter."
"They do, you just do not want to admit it. If I wanted to stop you from loving them, I could, Equisa. Right here, right now, I could rearrange your brain, altering your memories like clay in my claws. I could make you forget what love even is. I could turn you into a slave, or into a living bioweapon. My disapproval of your decisions is mostly from the standpoint of someone who had to deal with the fallout. I care not for your decision to try and mate with humans."
"When you love someone, none of the other stuff matters. I want to go back, Progenitor Nova. Back to the Alliance. I don't know who decided that this punishment was necessary, but surely your word is above theirs."
"Yes, it is. That is not the only reason I have come to see you today. And I should note that you would do better to be more careful with your words around other Elders, or especially if you have the misfortune to meet any other Progenitors."
"I am... destabilized, Progenitor Nova. I apologize. The people I love are in another galaxy, and I am not able to reach them anymore. I'm not sure if you know how that feels."
"I did. I lived a life with my mate for eons. Before the Source war, I was the happiest Sprilnav there ever was. Now, she is long dead. The Source personally dug its claws into her chest, turning her bones to a constantly exploding supernova within her body, all while keeping her alive for a subjective time that is longer than your life has ever been. My grief after the war was great enough that I considered taking my own life. So yes, I know what it is like to love. But I am warning you about the cost of your actions."
Equisa could feel the venom in his voice. It triggered her instincts to run, but her muscles wouldn't move. Terror rang like a bell throughout her psyche as she was consumed by the hunger in Nova's eyes. And then, it all faded. The bone-curdling fear disappeared, and Nova tilted his head. She took it as a cue to speak again.
"You faced the Great Enemy alone?"
"Not alone, until she died. Yes, the Source killed her. Do I hate it? Not really. The deed is done, and the scar is cold. The real reason for the Source war was that during the glory days, we were sucking the very life force of the psychic realm away. The Source tried to open a dialogue to prevent it, and failed. When the last of its family died, leaving it as the sole inhabitant of the mindscape, the war began."
The scar wasn't cold, that was for sure. No matter how much he liked to pretend otherwise. "I can still hear your thoughts, you know."
"Yes."
"It would be nice if you allowed me to live in my delusions for a while longer."
"Well, back to the conversation then. You claim that I have tarnished the reputation of the Sprilnav, and yet we continue to purge species in the Secondary Galaxy for the mere crime of making an AI. Even though you alone could easily reach across the galaxy to deal with it at that point." "Yes."
"But you're a god."
"Yes, I am. However, that does not mean that I wish to willingly fight another one. An AI that reaches technological singularity is also a god, as much as the concept can be constrained in reality."
"What do you mean?"
"When a being becomes immensely powerful, their conceptual weight also increases, assuming they increase their psychic energy footprint. That's why Penny was able to survive being disemboweled by Yasihaut several times in quick succession. It is part of why Elders can survive forces mundane Sprilnav cannot. It is why I could walk into a black hole and survive."
"Have you?"
"Yes."
"What is it like?"
"There are no words."
"Nothing?"
"Describing something that does not exist is very difficult. How do you count in a universe where numbers do not exist? It is much the same for them. The mess inside the event horizon of a black hole is incredibly damaging, even for a being such as myself. Were I to remain in a singularity for long enough, though it would not kill me, it would begin to hurt."
"There seems to be a lot of extra importance with concepts, then," Equisa said.
"Elder Equisa, concepts run the universe. The Source's power is conceptual, just as mine is. Even the hivemind has some conceptual power, though it does not know it for sure yet. And you will not tell it, if you are to go back to Luna."
"Can you protect my family?"
"Of course," Nova replied. He clacked his jaws once, his nostrils flaring as he inhaled.
"Will you?"
"Maybe. I will need a favor in return."
"Well, if I die completing your favor, don't hold it against me."
"Do not worry. That is not the type of favor that I require. Rather, I need you to monitor the progress of the Alliance. Particularly the powers of the hivemind, Penny, Gaia, and Brey. And the intelligence of their various AI citizens."
"Can't you do that?"
"Yes, and no. Remaining near the Source's bones for a long time is not preferred."
"Then I will try. But it may not be easy, and there is every possibility my information could be wrong."
"Yes. I am aware," Nova responded. "But I will see what you can do."
"So I can go back?"
"Yes, Equisa. Though again, do not share what you know anymore. You are allowed to provide context for situations. Sharing any technological knowledge will be looked upon negatively." "I understand. I just want to see them again."
"You shall."
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
"She did what?" Hive Emperor Calanii growled.
"The Alliance claims that Rank 10 Ambassador Liinara insulted them several times, and has provided a recording of what was said. It has been verified by VI analysis as authentic," his advisor said.
Calanii quickly put on his clothes, now finished with the deep massage he'd been waiting for all day. He stretched a bit, feeling the gaps in his chitin more than he used to. He was getting old, slowly. Not that he'd die of old age with the immortality treatments, but aging still was possible. And the growth hormones in it had resulted in him becoming larger than he'd once been.
"I'll come back to that later. Where is she now?"
"She has gone into hiding, likely presuming that you are going to kill her. We know where she is."
"I shall issue a formal apology, then. I will also give the Alliance any compensation they reasonably request. They are requesting compensation, yes?"
"They are."
"Then deliver the contents of their list to my desk tomorrow."
"As you wish, Hive Emperor."
The advisor bowed and left. Calanii was glad that the pheromone blocker was active right now. His anger was barely contained, especially at the thought of such a stupid blunder. Reaching Rank 10 wasn't something just anyone could do, especially as an Ambassador. Liinara would die if the Alliance requested it. And if they did not, she might still die anyway.
He'd schedule a call with them and try to reestablish diplomatic ties. There was no way that their relationship would survive any longer by being left out to thaw with such a heinous breach of etiquette. He then received another call, this one directly to his office.
The banners overhead fluttered with a light breeze, obviously artificial but still pleasant on his chitin. He'd been very stressed that past few days, with Exii'darii's jailbreak looming over him. She'd try to kill him, that was for sure. The countermeasures were being put in place all around the palace, and most military sites and urban centers would receive special equipment deliveries soon. Logistics were a mess, but when the call went out, an executive order from the Hive Emperor was an easy way to speed things along.
Calanii sauntered over to his desk, realizing that he would need much more anti-stress ointment than he'd thought. It was so intense that his actual body was starting to feel it. When he answered, the screen showed the face of a Cawlarian.
"Who is this?"
"I am Truth Speaker Huatil."
"The Nest Overlord's mate?"
"Yes."
"What business do you have with me, that he does not?"
"The Sennes Hive Union has intelligence that the Sprilnav are operating several clandestine mind-control cells, intent on sowing discord and chaos amongst your populace. They have a particular focus on government officials, such as Ambassadors."
Calanii got what she was suggesting. He didn't question how she'd learned the information. No one that shacked up with the leader of an entire nation would be some pointless nobody with no connections.
"You mean Ambassador Liinara?"
"Her and others. Rich executives at companies, such as one under scrutiny for certain actions against the Alliance several years ago."
"How long has this been going on?"
"That is unknown," Hautil admitted. "What is known is that they will begin to cement their power soon. When they feel that the have enough, they will make their moves."
"Then we must move first."
"Yes, we shall. But that does not include us alone, but also the Alliance."
"What exactly are you suggesting?"
"Well, an agreement. A treaty organization, perhaps. Drafts of the documents will be given to you if you agree to inspect them. Note that this would likely be a full defensive alliance, with all that entails. There would be no room for half-measures."
"Then why the Alliance?"
"The Alliance will be a peer player in under three years," Hautil said. "By every metric, they have already reached the level of technology of our base militaries, though not specialized technology like stealth or shields yet. In particular, their ability to have an outsized impact despite their small population due to Phoebe and Edu'frec's control over vast drone and android forces is already becoming a potential concern."
Calanii knew that was true, at least. His own spies within the Alliance had noted the explosion in their fleet size with worry. Their encryption was already incredible, though that was because of their two AIs. Furthermore, they had a whole species that quite literally could not be infiltrated for spying. Perhaps that extended to mind control, as well.
"Estimates place the number of satellites in their stellar constellation within the Sol system at 330 billion. That is enough to power hundreds of times their current civilization's total power usage. Their Mercury-class guns have been confirmed capable of breaching Sprilnav ships, placing them on par with our own battlecruiser weaponry. In terms of fleet numbers itself, they have 11 dreadnaughts, with 13 more assumed under construction, 30,000 battlecruisers, 50,000 carriers, 120,000 cruisers, 500,000 destroyers, and 1.1 million frigates. In addition to that, nearly 2 million drone craft, capable of linking to direct battle networks, directed by Edu'frec and Phoebe. These numbers have not been publicized."
"Quite something, but nowhere near the billions we have," Calanii replied. Those numbers were similar to the reports he'd received. Supposedly, most of that expansion was possible due to Guulin and Acuarfar populations being so high and the wealth of the Alliance skyrocketing along with the average living standards. And most crews were small, with only a little above the number of people necessary to run a ship being placed on one, though all had overlapping specializations. This was most true for humans, which had the ability to take all the typical specializations and roll them into one.
Due to the hivemind, a human could be the best engineer ever seen at one moment and the best pilot ever the next. Its usefulness seemed to know no bounds.
"Yes. But they can put up a fight now, and most of our fleets would be tied up as defense forces in a war."
"And mind control?"
"We have confirmed that there isn't any of it within the highest members of their government. The number of surprise scans has increased considerably, and it seems that their leadership is in a contained panic over the possibility. They seem to be looking for a capability to block the abilities of mind control chips to work period," Hautil reported.
Calanii had a theory.
"You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"
"I would not."
So she was willing to lie to his face, then. His own intelligence agencies only had one single spy within the Blue Intelligence Agency. That was how they'd learned the method of placing chips within the brain to directly interfere with any attempts at establishing control. It was likely a stopgap measure since an Elder would likely find a way around it with enough motivation, resources, and time.
"Truth Speaker, yes?" Calanii asked, bemused.
"I am."
"How interesting. I know who you are."
Calanii could almost smell it in her carefully controlled movements.
"Do you? Who do you think I am?"
"You are an Agent. Top 100, most likely. Your control is admirable."
"You have been taught about something?"
"Yes," Calanii replied. "My uncle was a highly connected individual, just as my parents were. We do have our equilavents, you know."
Hautil grinned. "I've run infiltration missions on your so-called 'Star Raiders' before. You don't exactly run it as cleanly as it could be. I could provide some pointers, for a price."
That wasn't exactly comforting. She wasn't just in the lower numbers, either. Maybe he was even talking with someone below the designation 010.
"And you are authorized to give me that information?"
"Yes. I could be said to be a little... high in the hierarchy. Know that this is not to leave the room either. React to me normally at a summit or meeting, and we will be able to establish a proper working relationship."
"I do not trust you."
"Good."
"And when it comes to the Alliance, I will determine what actions to take."
"Don't wait too long, or they may just decide to seize control for themselves."

I was making some cliff towers for my game but i got this error that I dont know how to fix:

 00:47:49.822 Players.FN4FDev_Games.PlayerGui.GameGui.GameController:240: attempt to index nil with 'Config' - Client - GameController:240 00:47:49.822 Stack Begin - Studio 00:47:49.823 Script 'Players.FN4FDev_Games.PlayerGui.GameGui.GameController', Line 240 - Studio - GameController:240 00:47:49.823 Stack End - Studio 

The script is this one:

local Players = game:GetService("Players") local PhysicsService = game:GetService("PhysicsService") local ReplicatedStorage = game:GetService("ReplicatedStorage") local RunService =game:GetService("RunService") local UserInputService = game:GetService("UserInputService") local modules = ReplicatedStorage:WaitForChild("Modules") local health = require(modules:WaitForChild("Health")) local cash = Players.LocalPlayer:WaitForChild("Cash") local events = ReplicatedStorage:WaitForChild("Events") local functions = ReplicatedStorage:WaitForChild("Functions") local requestTowerFunction = functions:WaitForChild("RequestTower") local sellTowerFunction = functions:WaitForChild("SellTower") local towers = ReplicatedStorage:WaitForChild("Towers") local spawnTowerFunction= functions:WaitForChild("SpawnTower") local changeTowerTargetFunction= functions:WaitForChild("ChangeTowerTarget") local camera = workspace.CurrentCamera local gui = script.Parent local map = workspace:WaitForChild("Plains") local base = map:WaitForChild("Base") local info = workspace:WaitForChild("Info") local hoveredInstance = nil local selectedTower = nil local towerToSpawn = nil local canPlace = false local rotation = 0 local placedTowers = 0 local maxTowers = 15 local lastTouch = tick() local function MouseRayCast(model) local mousePosition = UserInputService:GetMouseLocation() local mouseRay = camera:ViewportPointToRay(mousePosition.X, mousePosition.Y) local raycastParams = RaycastParams.new() local blacklist = camera:GetChildren() table.insert(blacklist, model) raycastParams.FilterType = Enum.RaycastFilterType.Blacklist raycastParams.FilterDescendantsInstances = blacklist local raycastResult = workspace:Raycast(mouseRay.Origin, mouseRay.Direction * 1000, raycastParams) return raycastResult end local function CreateRangeCircle(tower, placeholder) local range = tower.Config.Range.Value local height = (tower.PrimaryPart.Size.Y / 2) + tower["Left Leg"].Size.Y local offset = CFrame.new(0, -height, 0) local p = Instance.new("Part") p.Name = "Range" p.Shape = Enum.PartType.Cylinder p.Transparency = 0.9 p.Color = Color3.new(0.952941, 0.937255, 0.427451) p.Size = Vector3.new(0.2, range * 2, range * 2) p.TopSurface = Enum.SurfaceType.Smooth p.BottomSurface = Enum.SurfaceType.Smooth p.CFrame = tower.PrimaryPart.CFrame * offset * CFrame.Angles(0, 0, math.rad(90)) p.CanCollide = false if placeholder then p.Anchored = false p.Transparency = 0.8 local weld = Instance.new("WeldConstraint") weld.Part0 = p weld.Part1 = tower.PrimaryPart weld.Parent = p p.Parent = tower else p.Anchored = true p.Parent = workspace.Camera end end local function RemovePlaceholderTower() if towerToSpawn then towerToSpawn:Destroy() towerToSpawn = nil rotation = 0 gui.Controls.Cancel.Visible = false end end local function AddPlaceholderTower(name) local towerExists = towers:FindFirstChild(name) if towerExists then RemovePlaceholderTower() towerToSpawn = towerExists:Clone() towerToSpawn.Parent = workspace CreateRangeCircle(towerToSpawn, true) for i, object in ipairs( towerToSpawn:GetDescendants()) do if object:IsA("BasePart") then PhysicsService:SetPartCollisionGroup(object, "Tower") if object.Name ~= "Range" then object.Material = Enum.Material.ForceField end end end gui.Controls.Cancel.Visible = true end end local function ColorPlaceholderTower(color) for i, object in ipairs( towerToSpawn:GetDescendants()) do if object:IsA("BasePart") then PhysicsService:SetPartCollisionGroup(object, "Tower") object.Color = color end end end local function toggleTowerinfo() workspace.Camera:ClearAllChildren() gui.Towers.Title.Text = "Towers:" .. " " .. placedTowers .. "/" .. maxTowers if selectedTower then CreateRangeCircle(selectedTower) gui.Selection.Visible = true local config = selectedTower.Config gui.Selection.Stats.Damage.Value.Text = config.Damage.Value gui.Selection.Stats.Range.Value.Text = config.Range.Value gui.Selection.Stats.Cooldown.Value.Text = config.Cooldown.Value gui.Selection.Title.TowerName.Text = selectedTower.Name gui.Selection.Title.TowerImage.Image = config.Image.Texture gui.Selection.Title.OwnerName.Text = config.Owner.Value .. "'s" local modes = { ["First"] = "rgb(255, 255, 255)", ["Last"] = "rgb(51, 51, 51)", ["Near"] = "rgb(177, 226, 140)", ["Strong"] = "rgb(239, 88, 88)", ["Weak"] = "rgb(88, 239, 183)", } local color = modes[config.TargetMode.Value] gui.Selection.Action.Target.Title.Text = "Target: " .. config.TargetMode.Value .. "" if config.Owner.Value == Players.LocalPlayer.Name then gui.Selection.Action.Visible = true local upgradeTower = config:FindFirstChild("Upgrade") if upgradeTower then gui.Selection.Action.Upgrade.Visible = true gui.Selection.Action.Upgrade.Title.Text = "Upgrade (" .. upgradeTower.Value.Config.Price.Value .. "$)" else gui.Selection.Action.Upgrade.Visible = false end else gui.Selection.Action.Visible = false end else gui.Selection.Visible = false end end local function SpawnNewTower() if canPlace then local placedTower = spawnTowerFunction:InvokeServer(towerToSpawn.Name, towerToSpawn.PrimaryPart.CFrame) if placedTower then placedTowers += 1 RemovePlaceholderTower() toggleTowerinfo() end end end gui.Selection.Action.Target.Activated:Connect(function() if selectedTower then local TargetChangeSuccess = changeTowerTargetFunction:InvokeServer(selectedTower) if TargetChangeSuccess then toggleTowerinfo() end end end) gui.Selection.Action.Upgrade.Activated:Connect(function() if selectedTower then local upgradeTower = selectedTower.Config.Upgrade.Value local upgradeSuccess = spawnTowerFunction:invokeServer(upgradeTower.Name, selectedTower.PrimaryPart.CFrame, selectedTower) if upgradeSuccess then selectedTower = upgradeSuccess toggleTowerinfo() end end end) gui.Selection.Action.Sell.Activated:Connect(function() if selectedTower then local soldTower = sellTowerFunction:InvokeServer(selectedTower) if soldTower then selectedTower = nil placedTowers -= 1 toggleTowerinfo() end end end) UserInputService.InputBegan:Connect(function(input, processed) if processed then return end if towerToSpawn then if input.UserInputType == Enum.UserInputType.MouseButton1 then SpawnNewTower() elseif input.UserInputType == Enum.UserInputType.Touch then local timeSinceLastTouch = tick() - lastTouch if timeSinceLastTouch <= 0.25 then SpawnNewTower() end lastTouch = tick() elseif input.KeyCode == Enum.KeyCode.R then rotation += 90 end elseif hoveredInstance and (input.UserInputType == Enum.UserInputType.MouseButton1 or input.UserInputType == Enum.UserInputType.Touch) then local model = hoveredInstance:FindFirstAncestorOfClass("Model") if model and model.Parent == workspace.Towers then selectedTower = model else selectedTower = nil end toggleTowerinfo() end end) RunService.RenderStepped:Connect(function() local canCliff = towerToSpawn.Config.CanCliff local canGround = towerToSpawn.Config.CanGround local result = MouseRayCast(towerToSpawn) if result and result.Instance then if towerToSpawn then hoveredInstance = nil if canCliff.Value == true and canGround.Value == false then if result.Instance.Parent.Name == "CliffArea" then canPlace = true ColorPlaceholderTower(Color3.new(0,1,0)) else canPlace = false ColorPlaceholderTower(Color3.new(1,0,0)) end local x = result.Position.X local y = result.Position.Y + 1 + (towerToSpawn.PrimaryPart.Size.Y / 2) local z = result.Position.Z local cframe = CFrame.new(x,y,z) * CFrame.Angles(0, math.rad(rotation), 0) towerToSpawn:SetPrimaryPartCFrame(cframe) elseif canCliff.Value == false and canGround.Value == true then if result.Instance.Parent.Name == "TowerArea" then canPlace = true ColorPlaceholderTower(Color3.new(0,1,0)) else canPlace = false ColorPlaceholderTower(Color3.new(1,0,0)) end local x = result.Position.X local y = result.Position.Y + 1 + (towerToSpawn.PrimaryPart.Size.Y / 2) local z = result.Position.Z local cframe = CFrame.new(x,y,z) * CFrame.Angles(0, math.rad(rotation), 0) towerToSpawn:SetPrimaryPartCFrame(cframe) end local x = result .Position.X local y = result .Position.Y + towerToSpawn.Humanoid.HipHeight + (towerToSpawn.PrimaryPart.Size.Y + 0.6) local z = result .Position.Z local cframe = CFrame.new(x,y,z) * CFrame.Angles(0, math.rad(rotation), 0) towerToSpawn:SetPrimaryPartCFrame(cframe) else hoveredInstance = result.Instance end else hoveredInstance = nil end end) local function SetupGui() health.Setup(base, gui.Info.Health) workspace.Mobs.ChildAdded:Connect(function(mob) health.Setup(mob) end) info.Message.Changed:Connect(function(change) gui.Info.Message.Text = change if change == "" then gui.Info.Message.Visible = false else gui.Info.Message.Visible = true end end) info.Wave.Changed:Connect(function(change) gui.Info.Stats.Wave.Text = "Wave: " .. change end) cash.Changed:Connect(function(change) gui.Info.Stats.Cash.Text = cash.Value .. "$" end) gui.Info.Stats.Cash.Text = cash.Value .. "$" gui.Towers.Title.Text = "Towers:" .. " " .. placedTowers .. "/" .. maxTowers for i, tower in pairs(towers:GetChildren()) do if tower:IsA("Model") then local button = gui.Towers.Template:Clone() local config = tower:WaitForChild("Config") button.Name = tower.Name button.Image = config.Image.Texture button.Visible = true button.LayoutOrder = config.Price.Value button.Price.Text = config.Price.Value .. "$" button.Parent = gui.Towers button.Activated :Connect(function() local allowedToSpawn = requestTowerFunction:InvokeServer(tower.Name) if allowedToSpawn then AddPlaceholderTower(tower.Name) end end) end end end SetupGui() 

and the error comes from this line:

RunService.RenderStepped:Connect(function() local canCliff = towerToSpawn.Config.CanCliff -- error comes from this line local canGround = towerToSpawn.Config.CanGround 

if someone could help me on this i would really apreciated.

I recently got myself a rogue hog for custom reasons, as you all might already know it was a planned toy for the season two of acceleracers and as a big fan of the series that could've i wanted one ahah
yesterday, mine came in, 2014 release, goofy ahh retool but it's nice, it got it's character i dont mind, so yeah, what i noticed today is that: rogue hog has no steering wheel on it's interior, instead it got two joysticks, perhaps for controlling the mech and steering and i though "oh hey, that's neat and pretty clever, they really put in some thought for the transforming thing" and it clicked me, supposing all season two cars were supposed to transform at some point, they all might have this design feature, right?
another design planned for season two was the now known as "Pharadox", a drone transforming vehicle shown in the catalog. i don't own one of those sadly, and it is relevant to this as: it was planned for acceleracers at some point correct yes, and it was planned for one of those transforming figures which yay great cool, so if my theory is any correct, it shouldn't have a steering wheel, instead having joysticks, and if it does, it opens the doors to theorize if other cars that share this feature might also have been planned for the series at some point, specifically those from 2005-2009 which was when the series was the most active. but not only that, but also that in that time frame we often saw vehicles from the series hit the mainline after being dropped, let me list a few: 2005- Airy 8; 2006- pharadox, sledge hammer; 2007- rogue hog; 2009- chopper (yeah... it's a battle force 5 not mainline but still)
i'm pretty confident on this theory but don't get me wrong, this theory is not bullet proof, there are a few holes i can't prove or argue with, such as the following questions: - What if pharadox doesn't have said interior feature? well, then rogue hog is, thus far, alone on this - What if not all vehicles for season two were planned to transform to begain with? then it'll be near impossible to tell what was and what isn't, such as sledge hammer, no one had a clue about it until Accelereece found out that, but yeah it would just make it the harder to find out - What if there ARE yes other diecasts meant for the series that where re-designed to feature a wheel? again, then it's near impossible to tell the difference without more info on the s2 line
TL:DR Rogue hog's interior was made with the transforming figure in mind, what if other dropped diecasts did the same?
well, this was my small ted talk, hope it's worth a read, if you find something new let us know, if i said something wrong go ahead and correct me i don't mind, i'm just trying to get us a step closer to discovering the whole planned line with some cars that saw the light of day, because in the end, we all know there are other like 20 designs that were never conceptualized to the public in any way and we might never see or know, now it's with y'all, Lee out

My 8y old daughter has (undiagnosed) ADHD. I'm no psychologist, but I have worked in education and with children long enough to know the symptoms and they match her to a T. My wife and son are pretty NT but I myself might have ADHD. I've never been officially diagnosed though and I'm quite high functioning and generally successful enough that I've never really been tempted to go through that process. On the other hand, my two nephews (8y & 5y) have been officially diagnosed with ADHD, but they have it very severe (I'm talking about not even able to sit down in a classroom without getting up and wandering around randomly, zero impulse control, etc if they're not on medication).
My daughter, I figured was somewhat like me and she never had it too severe. I've suspected that she's had it for years but it didn't seem to have much of a negative impact either in school or at home, so I mainly focused on just giving her techniques and ways to help her be more organized, focused, etc.
The thing is, recently it been getting noticably worse. Im guessing it's related to hormones as she seems to be in the beginnings of puberty. It's still nowhere near as bad as my nephews, but she has been forgetting everything, leaving messes constantly with everything she does, losing things, and it's even starting to affect school. While she's quite smart, loves her school, and understands most of her lessons very well, she struggles a bit with tests mainly because she doesn't read the whole question through and then just answers something completely different. Also, she obviously loses focus and attention as the test drags on and you can see the quality of her focus and answers dropping with each question she answers.
What I'm wondering if someone here has gone through something similar as my daughter and what your advice would be in this situation. Also, moving forward what should I expect/look out for?
Some extra info for context: - we live in Egypt where it is REALLY expensive to get proper diagnoses and therapy. My brother paid an arm and a leg for just one year or support for his sons, but (as mentioned before) there's is a much more extreme case. I can afford this, but it would take HUGE bite out of our budget.

• in Egypt it's very hard to get Adderall even in the best of times due to very very stringent legal requirements and it's only disbursed from one central place in the entire country. Now, due to the economic situation and medicine shortages around the country, it would probably be impossible to get. My brother gives his sons over-the-counter stuff because of this. I also would prefer to avoid medication unless it's absolutely necessary.
  
• we have not told my daughter that we suspect she has ADHD. I have conversations with her about dealing with her brain and the wierd things brains do and forget, etc. But I never made her feel she has something wrong with her.
  

So, can anyone help a dad out?

u/Sayo-Naro made a similar thread the other day about favorite solos, and it had me thinking about my favorite specific parts of Symphony X songs. I went a little overboard with my comment on that thread, so I'll limit myself to one chorus per album, but you don't have to.
​
Symphony X: Taunting the Notorious
This album seems divisive among the fan base, but I personally love it. This song is admittedly simpler than most on their self-titled album, but the chorus is easy to get stuck in your head.
The Damnation Game: Dressed to Kill
Only the second song on the album and Russel Allen is already flexing his vocal abilities (this album might have some of my favorite vocals come to think of it). The delivery of the first part "arrival, dressed to kill, scarlet memories" is what I always remember most about this song.
The Divine Wings of Tragedy: Out of the Ashes
It was a tough call between this and Of Sins and Shadows, but this one barely cuts it. I'll admit this was never my favorite Symphony X album, but this song and its catchy chorus is what often makes me come back to it (you'll see a theme here that a catchy chorus is usually my favorite).
Twilight in Olympus: Church of the Machine
Like TDWoT's pick, it was down to this or In the Dragon's Den. Both have very catch choruses for sure, but I think nostalgia is the deciding factor on this as this was the first Symphony X song I'd ever heard. It sounds completely unreal and the simple usage of the chorus repeating itself twice at the end of the song after that killer solo is what cements this as probably my second favorite album by them.
V: The New Mythology Suite: Evolution (The Grand Design)
This is hands down my favorite album of all time and this song is its mission statement. It's a perfect opener and double bass drum (I think that's what it is, I'm not a drummer) in the background gives this chorus such an energetic feeling.
The Odyssey: King of Terrors
I'll be honest and say that I forget about this album quite a bit, and there's usually only a few things I can remember from it, that being the solo on Wicked, the magnum opus title track, the rerecorded and incredible Masquerade, and this chorus. Not much else to say, it shares the same dramatic sense as the rest of the album.
Paradise Lost: Paradise Lost
One of my all time favorite Symphony X songs for the emotion it can pull from me, specifically in Russel Allen's magnificent vocal performance at 4:51 onward. While most other choruses on this list are chosen for being memorable or catchy (aren't those synonyms, u/xX_CUM_SLAYER_Xx?), this one has a sound unlike anything else heard before it and captures the theme of the album perfectly.
Iconoclast: The Lords of Chaos
This pick was nearly a tie with Light Up the Night, but I quickly came to my senses. It's an incredibly uplifting sound that can't help but raise your spirits. Its approach of slowing down and becoming more impactful and the way it fades out with the end of the song makes it the chorus I remember from this album.
Underworld: Swan Song
A lot of this has to do with the last two picks in that it's emotional and harder hitting than most of the album. The way he says "hear my song, carry on" makes me think of Charon (despite being spelt completely different) and even if it was unintentional, callbacks to earlier points in an album help it feel more cohesive (like how Inhuman Rampage will mention Through the Fire and Flames in Cry For Eternity (one of my favorite albums by the way)). I wish this was the final song, but Legend is still a fitting closer to a phenomenal album.
Honorable mentions:
Premonition
Whispers / Secrets
Of Sins and Shadows / The Accolade
The Relic
Fallen
Wicked
Set the World on Fire
Children of a Faceless God
In My Darkest Hour (this was really close to being that album's pick)
​
I'd love to hear y'all's favorite choruses. A few weeks ago I got a set of speakers with very loud bass and would love to blast some curated Symphony X picks from y'all.

I recently got into a relationship with someone I really, really, like. We’re not girlfriends yet but our dynamic is basically the same. I really care about her and want her in my future even though we’ve been together for nearly four months— but her best friend is ruining my commitment and I’m unsure why. I would love some advice on what to do. Please bear with me if you can read through it all.
Her best friend, whom my partner loves very much and has told me, “I need her in my life”, is negatively affecting our relationship and this has been going on since we first got together. They’re roommates so I saw the both of them very frequently. I first thought her bestie was really cool, funny, and just really fun to hang out with. But I got to know my partner’s third roommate really well because we’re in the same program, and so my partner’s best friend started to feel a lot of FOMO and resentment towards my partner and I. This builds upon some conflict my partner and her best friend went through, where her bestie confided in her and felt that she couldn’t trust her anymore because she didn’t react in a specific way, and they both never addressed it and moved on pretending nothing happened. Everytime I would be over or around her best friend with my partner in the same room, her best friend would just shut down, go into her room, obvious shift in her mood, and wouldn’t talk to us. My partner loves her very much and even since we got together, she tends to try to regulate and make her best friend happy whenever she’s upset, which is very frequent (to the point where she questioned if she had a mood disorder). She’s mentioned to me before that sometimes she would feel guilty hanging out with me knowing that her best friend was sad. I stopped coming over to her place anymore and we would try to avoid her. It wasn’t too bad when we made that change. When summer started in May, things got better for my relationship because we weren’t around her anymore.
Outside of this situation, our relationship is amazing. I’ve never met someone as smart, beautiful, talented, and all the above other than being the biggest people pleaser I know. I have fun with her, I can open up to her, and I can see a future with her. She has a big heart but she gets exhausted from it and it’s hard for me to see it. I have yet to commit and ask her to be my girlfriend because of the recent conflict.
Where I’m having difficulty right now is because her best friend conflict is emerging again. Summer has been awesome so far except the past two weeks. My partner and her best friend recently had a chat to clear up misunderstandings and “talk” about my affect on her best friend. My partner described it as a really good conversation, saying how everything should be fine now and they’re doing good. Yet, all they talked about in their conversation, similar to the previous ones they’ve had because of me, was just about understanding each other and their feelings and then reminiscing on their wonderful memories together. I can’t help but think if my partner really wanted it to get better for our relationship, then she would try to implement an actual action plan for her best friend to become more comfortable around me. Her best friend always mentions how she understands it’s her own mindset that’s causing her to react so intensely to my presence, and that she’ll “work on it” but this has been a recurrence for 4 months and I’m not understanding why my partner continues to believe her.
After my partner thought everything was okay, she invited me to a queer club night with her best friend and some other friends. I was hesitant but tried to trust my partner on it. As I expected though, her best friend didn’t react well. She immediately said she wanted to go home, was convinced to stay for a bit longer, then avoided me and my partner the entire night. Later in the week, my partner and some of her friends wanted me to go to their friend gathering (fyi I get along perfectly fine with my partners other friends). My partner ended up saying she didn’t think it was a good idea because ever since their conversation, when I was brought up her best friends face would drop and she would go silent. Nothings changed.
This has been weighing heavily on me recently because I want a future with my partner, not necessarily getting married or any of that, but through the summer and into the next school year. That’ll be hell for as long as her roommate/best friend has the same feelings. For as long as my partner can’t lose her best friend, I feel that it’s so obvious that she’d choose her over me, because at this point it is indeed a choosing game. Her best friend has made no progress and I can’t keep expecting the present to be so fun and exciting with my partner for as long as this will become a problem again during the school year.
I have reason to believe that firstly, if my partner were a man, and these feelings of jealousy and distaste towards me were as apparent from her best friend as they are now, everyone would take this more seriously, including my partner. I feel as though because it is a lesbian relationship, the best friend or even my partner don’t think it’s as urgent as it should be. As well, I completely understand where her best friend is coming from. She feels as though she lost her best friend to a relationship (although we’ve tried numerous times to include her and spend time with her), she feels fomo, and she’s explicitly told my partner that I “bring out all her worst insecurities”. I’ve proposed the idea of them being in love with each other because genuinely, and I feel like I have no option but to question that but my partner has shut it down every time. But I don’t think understanding her can excuse all she’s done to our relationship. It makes me resent my partner for not doing enough even though I know she’s trying her best and also is exhausted. We don’t want to lose each other but I feel like I’m slipping every day that I’m not around her and I can’t pretend things are the way they used to be.
I know that my partner and I are bigger than the situation, but I don’t know if it’s sustainable. What happens when we go back to school and I have to avoid her roommate for the entire school year, and even then, completely because she’s integrated into her social groups back home? I’ll never be able to hang out with my partners friends because her best friend will always be there. Having this control over our relationship because my partner cares about her best friend feels so tiring to me. But I want to stay with my partner so bad but I know I don’t deserve this and leaving will allow me to find someone that truly embraces me and will choose me. Feeling like the second option constantly makes me feel as though she only wants me around because we’re attached to each other and I bring new emotional experiences for her. Is it self sabotage for me to say that breaking it off is for the sake of my future self? To save myself from falling deeper in love this summer just for it to be shattered when school starts? I don’t know how to go about this.
Because of these recent events, whenI’m not around her for a couple days, I’ll doubt a lot of what we are and feel distant. I have to look at photos of her to remind myself that I love her or to just feel something. I can’t help but text her drier than normal and just feel more disconnected. Things felt amazing for a while, but now I just feel sad when I think of her. Thinking of our relationship just makes me sad now. It used to make me so happy. I think my partner also values me very much, some of it being in the way that I provide her emotional support in a way she never received growing up. She's fighting for this and I can recognize it but I know it's tiring her as much as it is for me. I want to fight for this, but is it worth the pain that'll come for as long as her best friend remains the same? Constantly being put second to avoid putting her in discomfort? I've truly never felt this way about someone and I want to cherish it and live in the moment so bad.
If you’ve read everything, thank you. Please give me some advice. I don’t want to leave but I feel like I know what’s best for me. My friends say that love isn’t easy, and that you need to fight for it to truly show that you care. But I do care, I just don’t want to fight against something so relentless and out of my control.