Hey this is my first time posting on this channel and first ever reddit post, I just felt the need to share this feelings with people who would understand me. So I have trich since 12/13 yo at 18 my parents got me this treatement with this wig that would be glued to my head, after a bit more than an year I started growing my hair again and my trich got an incredible remission of over 4 years. Other things impacted it as well, I felt purposeful, I was in uni and was quite busy, would spend most of my time outside the house. I felt like the urge to pull hairs would never return, I had no urge for many years, until the pandemic. The isolation and the constant worries made me return to the old habbit, the pandemic is already over and I can't stop the hair pulling. I hate my job, even tough it is decent money I hate to see that all studying I did isn't paying off, most of the time I am made to do the simplest of repetitive tasks, I've been really tough on myself for degressing on trich.
In conclusion from 2020 till now I've been seeing the work of years go back to zero, and this makes me soo dismotivated to continue to fight the urge, as I convince myself that whenever a new issue pop up the urge will to again and again and it will be a constant battle and expense of my energy. Recently I got back to the realization I got to overcome it again, I know I can I already done this before, its been 2 days with no hair pulling, this time my whole life is a mess but I am hoping to heal back one thing at a time, starting with caring for myself. It is not because I want to see myself wearing my own long hair again, but because I need to take control of my life and just like loosing control started with the trich regainig control will also start with overcoming this challenge,I am not doing this just for my hair but for the entire me. I wanted to know if anyone else has got a situation similar to mine where you could get rid of trich for many years but had one huge regression that made all your effort seems meaningless, and how did you got back on track after this huge mistep. Accepting that I regressed without calling myself "weak" or damn straight "stupid" has been a challenge, I am still angry at myself and I wonder if I can still forgive me, it is hard to express all feelings of frustration, disapointment ...

We are a new couple. We went in several dates over a few months, and eventually decided we were a couple. We are both very happy, and excited about our new relationship.
We have been intimate, but only a couple of times in our new relationship. You are already aware that I am a little.. smaller. But we are happy, and are enjoying our new relationship.
A good friend of yours is having a pool party. We are invited, and you see this as a great opportunity to finally meet your large group of friends.
We attend the party, as a couple. I meet several of your girlfriends, and things seem to be going really well, as we enjoy the afternoon.
Later in the day, as the party progresses, some of the guys strip their swim trunks off and start running and jumping into the pool naked. Some just stand and enjoy the party naked as it becomes somewhat humorous. All of them.. are substantially larger in size, making me realize I am smaller in comparison.
After time, it becomes apparent that I am the last remaining male still wearing my shorts. I feel shy, and am unsure of what to do as the attention begins to turn my way. I’m embarrassed but trying to play along..
You’re sitting with your girlfriends, laughing and enjoying the show. I see you, and make eye contact. More attention on me as my thumbs are in the waistline of my shorts.. as I look to you for a sign of what to do next..
DM’s only please.
I am 18+ and all participants and characters must be 18+

'Saudi Arabia First': Trump Lets Saudis Dictate US Foreign Policy--17 Saudia Arabian nationals executed 9/11 --At least 3000 Americans died and billions upon billions of damage to New York, the Pentagon and a plane nose diving in Pennsylvania on 9/11 FIRST RUSSIA NOW SAUDI ARABIA--DID TRUMP EVER HAVE ANY PLANS OF COLLUDING WITH AMERICA??
'Saudi Arabia First': Trump Lets Saudis Dictate US Foreign Policy--17 Saudia Arabian nationals executed 9/11 --At least 3000 Americans died and billions upon billions of damage to New York, the Pentagon and a plane nose diving in Pennsylvania on 9/11

1. Trump chose Saudi Arabia for his first foreign presidential trip In May 2017
   
2. Trump praised a Saudi blockade on Qatar--preventing the movement of goods and services to that country--why is this a big deal? Our Military has its largest Middle Eastern base in Qatar--Trump sided with another country against American interest--AGAIN!!!!!!!
   
3. Trump resumed sales of precision-guided bombs to Saudi Arabia--They were suspended by Obama over concerns about civilian deaths from Saudi-led coalition airstrikes in Yemen, Which has been engulfed in the world’s largest humanitarian catastrophe.
   
4. Trump steered clear of condemnation of Saudi conduct in Yemen war--hundreds of innocent civilains have been killed by Saudi bombs
   
5. Trump And Pompeo Enabled A Saudi Cover-Up Of The Khashoggi Killing--Following the uproar over Khashoggi's disappearance in 2018, Trump tweeted that he had "no financial interests in Saudi Arabia." But--Trump bragged about his business dealings with the Saudis during a 2015 campaign rally in Mobile, Alabama--“They buy all sorts of my stuff. All kinds of toys from Trump. They pay me millions and hundred of millions"
   
6. December 2018, Trump administration threatens to veto a UN resolution drafted by Britain demanding accountability for war crimes in the Yemen conflict and for Saudi Arabi
   
7. Trump Administration approved transfer of sensitive nuclear technology to Saudi Arabia in two cases after Khashoggi's death--never mind that 17 Saudi citizens carried out 9/11 which killed thousands of Americans on home soil--details have been kept secret despite Congress demanding answers---WTF
   
8. Trump blocked bipartisan congressional resolution demanding end of U.S military support for the Saudi-led genocidal war in Yemen
   
9. Trump and Pompeo did not include Saudi Arabia on an annual blacklist of countries recruiting child soldiers
   
10. Trump blocked 3 congressional bills that would have stopped over $8 billion in arms sales to Saudi Arabia
    
11. Kushner may have offered valuable U.S. intelligence, that helped the crown prince to round up and torture dissidents in Saudi Arabia who opposed the goverment there--Saudi crown prince bragged that Jared Kushner gave him CIA intelligence about other Saudis saying 'here are your enemies' days before 'corruption crackdown' which led to torture and death https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5575395/Saudi-crown-prince-brags-Jared-Kushner-handed-U-S-intelligence.html
    
12. The FBI reportedly stopped a Saudi plot to kidnap a YouTuber on US soil after he criticized Mohammed bin Salman over Jamal Khashoggi's killing https://www.businessinsider.com/fbi-thwarted-saudi-plot-kidnap-regime-critic-on-us-soil-2020-1
    
13. Saudi Air Force member kills 3 at U.S. Navy base--Trump says nothing https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/saudi-air-force-member-who-killed-3-u-s-navy-n1097641
    
14. Saudi royal family does seem to have a special relationship with Trump, who has repeatedly bucked bipartisan congressional majorities to block the Kingdom on topics ranging from its disastrous war in Yemen to the murder of Jamal Khashoggi.
    
15. The manager of Trump’s hotel in New York credited a timely stay by members of the Saudi Crown Prince’s entourage (though not the prince himself) with lifting revenue there by 13 percent in one quarter of 2018--the bump came after two straight years of booking declines for the property
    
16. Saudi lobbyists spent $260,000 at Trump’s hotel in DC back in December 2016 during the transition
    
17. Saudi Kingdom itself spent $190,273 at Trump’s hotel in early 2017.
    
18. Alwaleed bin-Talal, a member of the royal family purchased the 282-foot yacht "Princess" for $20 million in 1991 after the boat was repossessed from Trump (Trump was nearing bankruptcy at the time) And he sold it at a loss: $20 million. The Saudis also purchased Trump's financially troubled Plaza Hotel for $325 million in 1995
    
19. In 2016, the New York Daily News reported that the Saudi government also purchased the entire 45th floor of the Trump World Tower, for $4.5 million, in June 2001. Given annual fee fares for the building at the time, Trump also was paid $5.7 million by the Saudis between the purchase and 2016, the paper reported.
    
20. A real estate company Cadre partly owned by Trump and Kushner, has received $90 million from Saudi Arabia in 2018--how is this Fucking legal?
    
21. Saudi Crown Prince--the guy who ordered the killing of American journalist Jamal Khassoggi, Boasted That Jared Kushner Was “In His Pocket”
    
22. Embassy Staffers Say Jared Kushner Shut Them Out of Saudi Meetings--This is not how American foreign policy is conducted
    
23. Saudi shooter in Florida air base attack had "significant ties" to al Qaeda yet somehow--he was allowed into the United States in 2017-- non-citizens are normally prohibited from buying handguns, He used a loophole to legally purchase his weapon from a dealer in Pensacola https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/saudi-air-force-member-who-killed-3-u-s-navy-n1097641
    
24. 4 of Trump's 7 Vetoes Were To Protect The Saudis https://www.senate.gov/legislative/vetoes/TrumpDJ.htm
    
25. Trump Bragged About Serving Up American Troops to Saudi Arabia for Nothing More Than Cash Conservative Rep. Justin Amash, who was a Republican until recently, responded to Trump’s remarks, saying, “He sells troops” https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-brags-about-serving-up-american-troops-to-saudi-arabia-for-cash-936623/
    
26. Trump-Bro Julian Assange Outed Gays, HIV+ People, and Rape Victims in Places Where They Could Be Killed like Saudi Arabia-- WikiLeaks has leaked info on gay men in Saudi Arabia, which has the death penalty for homosexuality https://www.fastcompany.com/4017692/wikileaks-has-leaked-info-on-gay-men-in-saudi-arabia-which-has-the-death-penalty-for-homosexuality
    

Hi, I apologize for asking, but I’m very anxious right now and I’m looking for support. Me, 18 F and my Boyfriend 18 M had sex yesterday, nothing out of the ordinary. Tonight, I checked my discharge to see it was light pink, and I’m anxious that I am pregnant right now. It’s about 5 days after my period ended, and we used a condom and the pull-out method. I’m also on the pill, but I realized I forgot to take it again. I’ve also been having light cramps today. Is there a possibility that I could be pregnant?

Hello all,
Hope everyone is having a great end of their week in the fun world of logistics! This is a throwaway account as I am confident that people I work with surf this forum as I have for quite some time. Just as a quick background on myself, I have worked in logistics for 15+ years and have been down many avenues in this industry. Without saying much for identity reasons, I pretty much got into it by accident. Started in warehousing before I was 18, not long after that I moved onto losing all my hair as a dispatcher, then was a freight agent for many years, and now I am fairly high up in a freight forwarding company you’ve all heard of. Long story short I have fallen in love with this industry and have seen it all over all the years! Now that you’ve read the garbage you all probably could give a shit about, I just wanted to tell you about my business I have started and am about to launch. I will not drop the name or website as it’s not fully complete, however I well tell you the model as it could potentially change your situation if you end up working with us. So here it is ladies and gents:

• We have connections and contacts with some of the top brokerages with the highest compensation structures. This could mean W2 with high salary + comms, or if you are an agent of course just 1099 comms only.
  
• These brokerages that we will be working with will be paying the agents a premium that is well above industry standard. But here is the cache, we will only be sending them top of the line talent. If you are experienced with an A+ book of business you will be giving yourself more than likely a life changing raise by jumping ship to the brokerages that work with us.
  
• Not going to say much more but we will be eliminating the process of hiring and firing of the people that can’t make it, and they will have confidence they will have a team of killers from top to bottom that will send revenue through the roof. And yes I am already working with several brokerages.
  
• I will come back in a couple of months when I officially launch the business. If any of you want to dm me to get a jump start as a potential candidate please feel free, just remember we will be very selective. Thank you and best of luck to you all in the freight world!
  

Being raised and socialized as a girl has really traumatized me in the stupidest ways. Being told not only by pressures in media and society to be beautiful and conform to femininity but also by your parents is rough. I remember being told as young as 10 I was too hairy and stinky and had to start smelling like fucking roses and be a soft as a baby. That shit damages a young mind. I remember looking at my naked pubescent figure at 15 and knowing this is exactly how society wants me to look and being so unhappy and disgusted with what I had (likely because of dysphoria) but still knowing I was what everyone wanted me to be, skinny, curvy, feminine, white and able bodied. I remember feeling the pressure to conform to beauty standards while trying to crush them under the guise of feminism as I got older around 18. Trying to convince not only myself but others that the hair that naturally grew on my body was okay to grow there, that I didn't need long hair to be pretty, that I was allowed to smell a bit natural or even masculine.
And even now that I'm 3 months on T I'm so worried about being ugly. With even my closest friends and allys joking about me growing a pedo stache, or going bald, or having greasy hair and acne. I can't let what hair I have on my face grow in because I'm afraid it makes me look cringe and dirty. I've started showering more often because I'm afraid to let how I smell now discourages others even when it just smells like a boy, a clean one at that. I have to shampoo my hair more often and wash my face because I'm afraid of any grease or acne when it will be so normal for a second puberty or even just in general.
I know I'm allowed to effeminate, that I'm allowed to want to be pretty. That I'm allowed to have long hair, or a clean face, but it makes me feel like I'm not masculine enough to be taken seriously. I'm worried that I like my soft voice too much, that I'm too okay with my softer curves, that I don't mind being under 6 feet tall, with small hands and small feet.
I've worked so hard to be comfortable in my skin and yet at every turn I'm afraid to become more masculine, and to let go of what it means to be a pretty girl.
I don't want to be a girl, I just wanna be pretty, beautiful, attractive, desired. And I'm worried to let go of my femininity because it means regardless I will be seen as less of all of those things by society in general.
it's silly, it's vain, and it doesn't make me any less valid, but I'm still so worried.
But part of me can't wait to be a little bit ugly, and be okay and comfortable with it.
I don't get to be conventionally attractive as a man, tall, muscular, chiseled jaw, and of course the anatomy-
I'll be a little short, a little soft, probably curvy, chubby even, I'm not going to have a full face of hair, I will have to work hard if I want to be muscular, and I'll never have cis genitalia. I just won't. and even if I worked hard to have everything else I'd still lack that.
I'll redefine what it means to be pretty for me and that will have to be okay.
I feel like I'm not dysphoric enough. I should be crying, screaming, throwing up over the fact that I get a chance to be ugly, greasy, and stinky. I've seen so many on here talk about how they can't wait to just finally be ugly. And I'm so terrified, and yet part of me can't wait to just finally let go of what it means to be seen as beautiful and not care. it's okay if I get a little ugly if that means I get to be me.
I see yall on here and you are so beautiful to me. I love that you are so happy to have a dirt stache, to be stinky, to get acne again. Part of me wishes I felt the same. But I'm so stupidly afraid.

I have a Rockford Fosgate p600.4 with a LC7i and audio control load generators since I have a Jeep. Basically I have everything ran from my factory UConnecf head unit going to the trunk using 18 gauge 9 speaker wire bundle which connects to the load generators right before the LC7i, then goes to my amp then high quality RCA cables and 14 gauge speaker wire from KnuKoncepz that is soldered onto after-market speakers. My front speakers do have passive crossovers for tweeters on my dash. Everything sounded great and full but I increased the voltage on the LC7i from 8 to 10 volts which my amp can handle 12 which is the max for lc7i and when I increased the volume on the head unit, then the volume became quite and the sound is no longer full on all of my door speakers. My tweeters sound perfect for some reason even though they are connected to the crossover to my door speakers. The sound will randomly go back to normal for a split second before going back. I redid all of the connects to the lc7i and the amp then checked the connections on the radio but I can’t get the sound back to normal. I installed new RCA cables and nothing. Any ideas? I can’t figure out what’s wrong. The only thing that changed was the lc7i voltage which I decreased back to normal. I’m thinking since the tweeters use less voltage and they sound fine but the door speakers don’t , the next thing to redo is the negative and power cable connects. But I checked the amp and I’m getting a little over 13 volts.

So I have been living with my mother for the past 3 years, and I NEED to move out, otherwise I fear it will cause my mental health to plummet even more (I am not the type of person who is typically concerned with my mental health to show the severity) I will spare most the details, but I’m 18 without a diploma, and my money is pretty tight, I need to move out asap how can I with almost no money. (I will happily join the military but currently can’t because no ged)

Hey guys ⭐️
Today I’m offering oracle readings to you all! It can be any topic (just no spirit contact) or question, and I will decide how many cards to pull after I connect with your energy.
This is a pay what you can offer, amount will not affect the quality of the reading. Payment comes prior to the read, and you must be 18+ for this. You will receive your reading as a YouTube video of the card pull and my first impressions, a poster of your spread and the specific cards I drew, and a more in depth text interpretation sent in chat.
Looking forward to reading for you all! Comment your best friend’s star sign for a reading, I’m taking one request from this post. ⭐️💛
Please do not DM, I will DM you.
💛 Reviews ⭐️ Ethics ⭐️ Rules 💛

Hi, im almost turning 18 and want to do hard work day and night in a country that appreciates you to get a life since i come from Miserable beginnings (my parents Attempted to migrate in Italy 20 years ago and it just ended up pathetic). i Am Romanian, before you come at me with any xenophone things i am Blonde blue eyed and pale and people pass me as a Scandinavian/Germanic, they have a different vision of the average Romanian (Gypsy Indian etc..) long story short i Speak Italian/English/Romanian perfectly, i knew basic French but forgot. I am looking for Manual jobs such as Factory, Construction and whatever comes. I do gym everyday and have no problems with weights or hard work (225lbs bench press for reps) What in your expert eyes are the best plans? Planning to move with a friend with same characteristics as me, live at the border of Switzerland (like Konstanz Germany), just drive to the Work locations those 40 minutes or just take your trains,split rent (1200eur there you can afford way better housing that Center city) and overall split costs. How is xenophobia and how is Competition with Fellow Taliban nation immigrants that want nothing but hard work for a living? thanks. (and i don't really plan on other Countries other than Austria, for Geographical purposes) might aswell Stay in Romania and get a life there but at least won't live in depressing extreme Weather conditions like Sweden or whatever comes, Thanks all.

They say a story is best read begging to end, but best understand from the end and going back to the begging, this is what I will try to do.
I broke up with my love, the woman (f21) I thought I would have by my side forever Jan 18, 2023. We were together for 11 months total, traveled many places, stayed in hotels, went to university together, it was a dream and I loved it.
The day of our break up, was also the last day of my trip to see her at our university. I had graduated, she was still there, I had not seen her in two weeks and she begged me to see her despite my needs to study for the NCLEX.
Last day of my trip, I knew she had limited time as she said earlier that week Wednesdays are 70% classes. I saw her two hours in between classes. I asked when she would be out, she told me, I assume that is a sign she would be free. 15 min later she offers to make a guy friend soup because he is sick, he declines. An odd gesture, and after the call she asks me if I am mad she asked that. I hang out with our friend group, we get dinner, my girl was in class. She showed up! I got no text, nothing. How did she know? She asked her girlfriend when dinner was. Thats cool, no big deal. She was texting some guy from class and laughing at her phone during dinner. She actually got out of class early, didn’t tell me (I expected her to as its my last day there for a month), and went off to hang out with some guys from class and play pool. I got no text or dm reel from her, but she said she was sending reels to guys in class. I was gutted.
The day before she rejected any date idea I had to play video games with some friends from class which is rare they play as a group she said, but I am not always gonna be there… they didn’t even get online…
The first day (out of three) our hike got canceled at the begging of it due to rain. A hike to a spot we found together, a lot of memories there…
She has lied in the past, done more shady stuff with a guy friend, lied about the same thing, etc. These things made me feel insecure, I would tell her, she would say sorry, no change would occur. Things just got worse honestly.
In the begging and throughout there was love, intimacy, and a strong bond. We dated, did things together, talked, but she increased these behaviors more and more. I had to end it, I felt like a chump being with someone who treated me like this. I hope you understand, I love you so, but I had to let you go. I told you my pains, and you let them grow.
I believe love is worth fighting for, but if the other person isn’t fighting, working towards each other, then its time to leave :(

so as we all know, the new Spiderverse movie came out. I (20F) am a huge Marvel nerd (and oscar isaac nerd) and have been looking forward to it since it was announced however long ago. Last week, my sister (17) went to see it with her friend without me. Now I know no one wants to have their big sister tag along to a friend date but I'd only be with them during the car ride really. I'd grab a seat in a different row or something. Even my parents thought it was wrong of her to not ask me to come. So blah blah we move on. This week her e-boyfriend (18) is staying with us so she decided to take him to see the movie as well + another friend as like a group hangout. She didn't invite me yet again. I asked her about it and she said "I'm not bringing my sister on a date" but her other friend was there so where do we go from here. AITA for questioning her?
TLDR: im upset over my sister going to see across the spider-verse twice in one week without asking me, whos been looking forward to this movie since forever, to go with her

I 22(F) have never had a good relationship with my mom, I've never felt connected to her like my older brothers are. Even as a kid, I remember feeling uncomfortable around her when she would touch me or show me any type of affection. I honestly don't remember exactly when but at some point she was very hostile and cold towards me. I grew up thinking that she didn't like or love me. When my mom met my stepdad who I'll call Ken for privacy reasons, when I was 11 or 12 the way how she treated me got worse the older I got. She called me nicknames that my bullies gave me and she would go out of her way to embarrass me in front of friends and family. Back in high school I truly felt how much she hated me. She and my stepdad became alcoholics and they were drinking almost every other day. At some point, my stepdad slowed down on drinking so much and tried to get her to do it also but she wouldn't. Her excessive drinking caused issues in their marriage as my mom attends to be aggressive when she drinks.
I thought I was helping her by taking the bottles away and I hoped that she would recognize her drinking was not healthy but this backfired on me as she got very angry. She would throw anything she could get her hands on at me, she kicked in my door so much that it was held up by pieces of tape, and she would be physically and verbally abusive towards me. This happened at least 3 times a week all throughout hs till I was able to move out at 18.
I live with one of my older brothers, who also has a drinking problem but its not as bad as my mom. So sometime last year during one of his drunken rants to my SIL, he said that my mom told him that my stepdad and I were suppost to run away together back then. The next day I asked my SIL about it in disbelief thinking that there was no way people actually believed that and how it made me upset and she basically invalidated my feelings/ thoughts. Ever since then, I feel like my brain was chemically altered, I used to be so carefree and didn't really care about what people thought of me but now I care too much and want to know EVERYTHING that's being said about me. It's like I developed some type of anxiety because when I meet new people or I'm hanging out with family members for holidays or bbqs I can't help but think that when they see me they're looking at a girl who was "supposed" to run away with her stepdad.
So any advice on how I can stop feeling like I did something wrong when I didn't?
​

shmoneyalt deleted from /borrow

• Link to the deleted post
• Was a selfpost with score: 1
• Submitted 2023-06-09 02:01 (UTC)
• Was up for for approx 0.07 days
• Probably deleted within the past 0.01 days
  • Was last seen up around 2023-06-09 03:36 (UTC)
  • Deletion detected at 2023-06-09 03:46 (UTC)

Active loans

• redditloans.com mobile search
• Could not fetch loan data from redditloans.com (error?)

Quick search

• Search for all deleted posts by this author

Title

[REQ] ($40 USD) (# BALTIMORE, MD, USA) (REPAY $50 6/12/23) (CASHAPP)

Post contents

Currently out of town in Baltimore and lost my wallet. Just happened to find my cashapp card rolling around in the bottom of my bag and would deeply appreciate it if someone could help me out. I only need cash for getting a cab back to my hotel, I’m headed home tomorrow afternoon. I’ll likely repay earlier than the 13th, just gave myself a buffer to get back home and get situated and cards replaced.
Thanks in advance!

So I will try to make this as short as possible. I was with someone for 18 years who put porn before me most of our relationship. I was 16 when we started dating and we moved in together at 18. There’s a lot more I want to add but I will be here forever and I’m sure no one wants to read it all. From the moment I moved in he neglected me sexually for the next 16 years. We have children together (two pregnancies). Our marriage ended early 2020 because I found disgusting illegal things on his computer if you catch my drift. Yes authorities were notified. All of this over 18 years truly traumatized me on top of the fact that I was a foster child when I met him and he was 27 but lied to me and told me he was 23. I had spent my childhood being abused and in and out of group homes and foster homes. So my entire life up until 2020 has been traumatic. I felt free when I found everything I found. I hate that that’s what ended it but my marriage was over long before it really ended. So fast forward. I met an amazing man later on that year. We have been together almost 3 years come September. After some time I explained to him what I had been through and he told me that wasn’t him and I never had to worry about that because he thinks porn is repulsive. That ended up being a lie. We had/have a great sex life. I didn’t bring any of my past into our relationship. It started with a clean slate. We shared and watched our favorite movies etc that included nudity and so on. I’d say it was about a year and a half in when I found out that he watches porn. I was devastated. I brought up how he told me in the beginning he didn’t watch it and thought it was repulsive. He tells me no guy is gonna admit that to someone he’s dating. But it’s like I didn’t fucking ask. I confided in you and you divulged this information. I can’t find anything about being betrayed with porn addiction for the 2nd time but I am still completely affected. After some time he seemed to understand where I was coming from and he let me put parental controls etc on his phone…I really thought he was doing good. He told me he hasn’t looked at nothing in a year. I asked him over and over if he slipped bc it just didn’t make sense it was so easy for him to quit. He assured me that he hadn’t relapsed at all. I got access to an old email (he used prior to the parental controls) and found out that it had continued for 3 more months past when he promised me it would never happen again. One of those times is really devastating to me bc I put things together. I was at work and I told him my period was over and to be ready for me when I get home in about 45 mins. He said okay and said he was gonna lay back down. I came home and we messed around and he couldn’t orgasm. A little later I found a wet sock and he swore to god he didn’t do anything and I was crazy etc. well this discovery proved that when he told me he was laying back down he infact did not and he watched porn and came to it right before I got home when I told him to be ready for me. Idc if it was a year ago. I only found out a few months ago and I can’t let it go. Not only that. He’s a truck driver and promised me he’s never done that at work but that was a lie. He will tell me he will never look at porn again and say he doesn’t want to hurt me and he loves me but like didn’t you love me before? Like I told you what I been through and you didn’t care and put me through it all over again and now I am retraumatized and I am completely messed up over it. I worry he has a work phone or stops somewhere and buys a magazine. Everything triggers me. I can’t watch a movie with him that shows nudity or I am triggered. Today he had a free trial at a new gym and he stopped while we were out doing errands and I waited in the car and I saw 20 half naked women go in and out and it was so triggering. He got mad and freaked out telling me to get over it already and that it’s been a year and he hasn’t done anything. But I don’t know how to believe him. If it was so easy to quit like he makes it seem why wasn’t I enough for him to never betray me like that knowing what I have been through? How do I believe him when he tells me I am beautiful and he only had eyes for me?! When he never needed to look at porn. After 18 years of a dead bedroom I have a very high sex drive…I never told him no. Like to the point he would tell me I put sex on a pedestal and sex is everything to me and would tell me my drive is higher than his yet I find out that it didn’t matter how much he had sex at his disposal he would still go look at porn. I don’t know why I’m typing all of this or what I hope to accomplish but I hate that I am in the same mental state that I spent years fighting to get out of and years to heal from just for someone else to come along and drag me through it too. My entire life had been nothing but trauma and I spend so much time wishing I wasn’t here anymore. I can’t make him understand that I can’t just get over it it. He has nerve to tell me he hates being accused etc and he can’t deal with it BUT HE DID THIS..HE PUT ME BACK IN THIS MIND STATE. How could he love me and know what I had been through and put me through it all over again??? It’s truly destroyed my self esteem. I feel disgusting and like he isn’t sexually attracted to me because if he was then why did he have to look at and orgasm to porn right before I came home after telling him to be ready for me?? He tells me now and he would tell me then almost every day how beautiful I am etc. I don’t believe him. I hate myself bc of what he put me through knowing damn well what I had been through and he could have walked away and saved me the pain but instead he lied to me and told me I didn’t have to worry about that but that turned out to be a lie. Now I live my life checking his phone and everything he is doing all day and living in fight or flight mode.
Not to mention..everything I’ve read from real people in forums etc. When they truly quit they start to not have so many Ed issues and orgasm easier the more time goes on and they are clean. He has supposedly been clean for a year and he still suffers majorly with ED and it’s so hard to bring him to orgasm and when I do 9 times out of 10 it’s from oral sex.

I’m not a religious person, but Valorant is making me question that so hard. My luck with this game is superhumanly bad, it’s almost as if it’s not statistically possible. My outcome is so many standard deviations away from the average personals experience that it’s not possible. I feel as though I am a vessel or an experiment to see how bad of luck one can have. Let me explain:
For starters, this act I’ve grinder quite a bit. More than acts in the past. It should statistically, based on the research I’ve done, for my MMR to be as bad as it is. Despite my higher than 50% win rate, 1.18 KD, and just overall solid performance, my MMR is so bad that I lose more RR than I win. No matter the outcome. One time this act I went 34-14 and lost 22. The next match I had like a 300 combat score and gained 18. This game is designed to screw you. Switch to seige. Much better game in every way

Heya! I’m looking for someone to GM a Naruto themed adventure with me being a village outsider.
I want a semi slow burn Naruto adventure! So the starter is pretty simple. My characters name is James and he has been locked up on the high security section of the Blood Prison for the past 6 months for a crime that has been pretty hidden by all the villages. That being because he is apart of an old clan that has been dead for years.
They were killed off by an alliance of every village because they feared there abilities. Which was Hypnosis/Mind Control. It is like the Sharingan Genjustu but much stronger and all it requires is a simple glance at someone’s eyes.
They were called the Hypnogons and many of his clan possessed them but only recently did his awaken and filled with rage from watching his clan be slaughtered he abused them causing permanent damage to one of his eyes forcibly changing it (Think Sasukes Rinnegon). Now he is trapped in the Blood Prison waiting for anyone to come help him.
Now. This is where you come in you can decide who comes and helps. It can be anyone from the show. It could be Code, Eida, Boruto, Kawaki or even a reanimation of someone.
Kinks and limits can be discussed in chats
Please no one liners
I am 18+ and everyone involved is 18+