So here I am on Reddit looking for some good advice on what your personal favorites/preferences are. I'm overly exhausted trying to make a judgment call on Google reviews. Zooming in on Google maps to see "hidden gems" and etc.
I've figured out some amazing spots like bavette's & Siam noodles for Thai. But my research and ability only goes so far and I need your guys help 😂.
Best way to try and explain what's best might be by copy paste categories: (any area in Chicago within reason using the el etc I am open to!)
Favorite Italian:
Chicago style pizza:
Favorite hot dog place:
Favorite Chinese:
Favorite Thai:
Favorite ramen:
Favorite steakhouses/steak:
Favorite Mexican:
Favorite Indian:
Favorite Ethiopian:
Favorite place to get sandwiches:
Favorite breakfast:
Favorite dessert spot(ice cream or bakery?):
I appreciate all answers and the admin if this thread stays up.. Thank you again.
I'm sure this isn't an original post, but I find Reddit posts 6 years later doing sub niche research often. Maybe it can be an updated stepping stone. I tried to break it down by category this time instead of the bland "where do I go"

I will continue to update this page as the score changes.

	Score	Number of Reviews	Average Rating
Verified Audience	87%	250+	4.4/5
All Audience	90%	1,000+	4.5/5

Verified Audience Score History:

• 100% (4.8/5) at <50
• 94% (4.6/5) at <50
• 91% (4.6/5) at <50
• 88% (4.5/5) at <50
• 85% (4.5/5) at <50
• 85% (4.5/5) at 50+
• 87% (4.4/5) at 50+
• 87% (4.4/5) at 100+
• 87% (4.4/5) at 250+

Rotten Tomatoes
Critics Consensus: Thanks to some genuine human drama between the set pieces and palpable affection for the title characters, Transformers: Rise of the Beasts is one of the franchise's more enjoyable outings.

	Score	Number of Reviews	Average Rating
All Critics	55%	110	5.10/10
Top Critics	38%	29	4.10/10

Metacritic: 42 (37 Reviews)
Sample Reviews:
It’s got a relatable human story that works, and thanks to a script that actually has sustained bursts of dialogue, the robots felt more real to me as characters than they usually do. - Owen Gleiberman, Variety
These Hasbro action figures, and their onscreen incarnations, are capable of reducing even the most mature, jaded adult into an awestruck child who just wants to get down on the floor and play with them. - Frank Scheck, Hollywood Reporter
Rise of the Beast is another generic story about an intergalactic menace from the sky carries all the plot predictability of a broken clock. - Valerie Complex, Deadline Hollywood Daily
Rekindles something akin to Sam Raimi’s first two “Spider-man” films, remembering that at the heart of many an emotionally worthwhile mainstream flick, regardless of its scope or hefty VFX budget, are underdogs who defy their impossible circumstances. - Tomris Laffly, TheWrap
Look, maybe we should be anxious. ChatGPT clearly could have a written a better movie. 1/4 - Mark Kennedy, Associated Press
Unable to rise above this internal conflict, it’s a film that’s both dull and disposable. Though it sets up the opportunity for more interconnected franchise filmmaking, this is a beast that needs to be put down. 1.5/4 - Katie Walsh, Tribune News Service
The series has thankfully, found its way out of the doldrums of the Michael Bay era and discovered a satisfying groove of nostalgic bliss. 3/4 - Brian Truitt, USA Today
I liked this story better when it was called “The Lord of the Rings.” I didn’t even mind it in 2018, when it was called “Avengers: Infinity War.” “Rise of the Beasts” is like an unlistenable cover of a once-decent song. 0/4 - Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle
No Michael Bay. No Mark Wahlberg. No oppressive bombast. 3.5/4 - Soren Andersen, Seattle Times
It’s not a revolution, and it’s not trying to be. But it is proof that even the most one-dimensional concepts can connect on a deeper level if treated with care. 2.5/4 - John Wenzel, Denver Post
Everything has a vague partial finish, as if director Steve Caple Jr and the five-person brain trust responsible for the script banked on the audience’s familiarity with the shape of a movie to fill in the gaps they’ve left. 1/5 - Charles Bramesco, Guardian
On the positive side, at just over two hours it’s one of the shortest in the Transformers franchise, and so unfolds like a brutalising yet mercifully limited attack on the occipital lobe. 1/5 - Kevin Maher, Times (UK)
Under-tens hooked on the Hasbro toys that inspired this whole series, will be intoxicated by Mirage, but for parents and/or guardians this will still be a harrowingly dull and disjointed experience, with the plot making less sense by the second. 2/5 - Charlotte O'Sullivan, London Evening Standard
Don’t even get us started on its flagrant and clumsy attempt to set up a Hasbro Cinematic Universe. 2/5 - Dan Jolin, Empire Magazine
It’s as if some executive saw Mattel and Greta Gerwig turning “Barbie” into genuine art, so they made a George Costanza-style decision to veer in the opposite direction purely out of spite. D - Christian Zilko, indieWire
Gives you some people to care about, sprinkled among the clanging heavy machinery that remains the real star of the series. - Alonso Duralde, The Film Verdict
A genuinely entertaining summer blockbuster, with its high point being Pete Davidson as Mirage. B - Liz Shannon Miller, Paste Magazine
It’s still a movie about giant space robots talking trash and smashing into each other, but “Transformers: Rise of the Beasts” is better than most offerings in the franchise. 2.5/4 - Christy Lemire, RogerEbert.com
SYNOPSIS:
Returning to the action and spectacle that have captured moviegoers around the world, Transformers: Rise of the Beasts will take audiences on a ‘90s globetrotting adventure with the Autobots and introduce a whole new faction of Transformers – the Maximals – to join them as allies in the existing battle for earth.
CAST:

• Anthony Ramos as Noah Diaz
• Dominique Fishback as Elena Wallace
• Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime
• Pete Davidson as Mirage
• Ron Perlman as Optimus Primal
• Peter Dinklage as Scourge
• Liza Koshy as Arcee
• Michelle Yeoh as Airazor
• Cristo Fernández as Wheeljack
• Michaela Jaé Rodriguez as Nightbird
• John DiMaggio as Stratosphere
• Tongayi Chirisa as Cheetor
• David Sobolov as Rhinox
• Colman Domingo as Unicron

DIRECTED BY: Steven Caple Jr.
SCREENPLAY BY: Joby Harold, Darnell Metayer, Josh Peters, Erich Hoeber, Jon Heober
STORY BY: Joby Harold
BASED ON: Hasbro's Transformers Action Figures
PRODUCED BY: Don Murphy, Tom DeSanto, Lorenzo di Bonaventure, Michael Bay, Mark Vahradian, Duncan Henderson
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Steven Spielberg, Brian Goldner, David Ellison, Dana Goldberg, Don Granger, Brian Oliver, Bradley J. Fischer, Valeri An
DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY: Enrique Chediak
PRODUCTION DESIGNER: Sean Haworth
EDITED BY: Joel Negron, William Goldenberg
COSTUME DESIGNER: Ciara Whaley
MUSIC BY: Jongnic Bontemps
RUNTIME: 127 Minutes
RELEASE DATE: June 9, 2023

We are a family of 4 with two young kids, a toddler who’s nearing 3 years old and an infant who is 9 months old. We visited Japan in May of 2023 for 18 nights. We stayed in Tokyo, Kyoto, and Osaka, and took day trips to Nara and Kobe.
Some people might call us crazy for taking an international trip with two small children. But my wife and I, who were avid travelers before we had kids, hadn’t been out of the country since 2019 due to 1) having kids and 2) Covid. We were itching for a trip, so we took the chance. Were there some crazy times? Of course. Was it worth it? Definitely.
I did a lot of research and prep before the trip, but there are always surprises that come up when you have kids. I’ll try to share some of the lessons I learned on the trip.
—Flights—
This was our first time on an airplane with the kids. I was a bit worried beforehand and in retrospect the flights were the worst parts of the trip. The main advice I’d give is do as much as you can to make your flight more tolerable, which no doubt means spending more money on tickets and gear. But it’s worth it.
I considered a few different airlines for this trip: ZipAir, Singapore, ANA, and Japan Airlines. JAL was too expensive. ZipAir was interesting because they provide car seats, you don’t have to take your own. We didn’t rent a car in Japan so we didn’t need our own car seats. I was just worried about racking up extra fees on ZipAir. Singapore and ANA were similar, they both provide bassinets and the price was similar. I ended up going with ANA for two reasons: 1) I had flown ANA on a previous trip and been happy with them and 2) they fly to Haneda instead of Narita, which saves you time getting from the airport to your hotel.
We opted for 3 seats and a bassinet. My infant is big for her age so she barely fit in the bassinet (she’s 21 pounds). But we were glad to have it. I had to call in to ANA customer service which had an hour+ wait time to get the bassinet, but other than that it was no trouble.
Which leads me into probably the most important part of flying with kids on a lengthy flight: get your kids to sleep on the plane. The more they sleep the less likely you are to run into a tantrum or meltdown.
To encourage sleeping we did a few things: 1) Take an overnight flight 2) Get a bassinet for our infant 3) Get a JetKids bed box for our toddler. Our ANA flight from LAX left at 5pm, which allowed time for the dinner service to show up before we put our kids to bed. They set the bassinet up right after you get to cruising altitude, so it’s there the majority of the flight. Our infant rejected it at first but eventually fell asleep.
As far as our toddler sleeping, the JetKids worked well. There was a bit of trouble with it staying in place since we had bulkhead seats, but overall I was happy with it as a bed. I absolutely hate the JetKids a piece of luggage though, it’s not easy to lug around and holds nearly nothing. But it helped our toddler stay asleep most of the flight. You don’t necessarily need a JetKids though, other airline seat bed solutions may work just as well. Just bring something that will help your toddler sleep. If we had to do it again, I think I’d prefer having car seats over both the bassinet and JetKids. That’s probably what we’ll do on the next trip.
There were a few unexpected problems we ran into on the flights. On the first flight, our infant got motion sickness and spit up multiple times. She ruined one of my shirts and my wife’s pants. Not to mention my wife got motion sickness as well so I had to do most of the heavy lifting with the kids alone. It was a sleepless and messy flight.
On our flight home, there was a mechanical issue with the plane. They said we were losing oil. So on a Tokyo to Los Angeles flight we somehow ended up landing In Anchorage, Alaska. It goes without saying this was horrible and the flight home from Anchorage on Alaska Airlines was horrible too. But that’s not really relevant to flying to/from Japan so I’ll leave the details out. We won’t be flying with ANA ever again.
To reiterate, do what you can to make your flight easier. Get the non-stop flight. Get the extra seat. This isn’t the area to be frugal.
—Stroller—
So you survived the flight. How do you get your kids around once you’ve landed? We have two kids so we need a twin stroller right? Wrong. Taking a twin stroller to Japan is a huge mistake, don’t do it.
Most guides will tell you to use a carrier, and if you only have one small infant then that’s likely the way to go. But with two kids we used a travel stroller and carrier combo. At first I expected to only use the carrier and carry the stroller around until we needed it, but I quickly realized that carrying the stroller around all day is a huge pain. We have the Cybex Libelle which is small at 13lbs, but 13lbs is still heavy enough that you don’t want to carry it all day.
So our stroller remained deployed basically all the time. My infant sat in the stroller most of the day, until it was my toddler’s nap time. Then the infant went in the carrier and toddler in the stroller to sleep. It worked well for us.
How did we keep the stroller deployed the whole time? Elevators. Lots of elevators. And occasionally carrying it up and down stairs. The availability of elevators depends on where you are. Of the cities we visited, I’d say Tokyo is the best and Kyoto is the worst for elevator availability.
The wide majority of metro and train stations are going to have elevators. It can be hard to find the right entrance to use to find an elevator, but there is always signage and almost always a map. You may need to walk an extra 5 minutes, or wait in line, or get lost, so always give yourself extra time when catching a train if you are using your stroller. We spent a LOT of time looking for elevators on this trip.
We only found two stations our whole trip that had no elevator at all, one was the JR Kobe station and the other was a JR station in Tokyo (I forget which one). When this happened, I picked up the stroller and carried it with our infant in it on the stairs. If our toddler was in it I made her get up and walk, then carried the stroller.
The other problem at metro / train stations with a stroller is the gap between the train and the platform. There’s always either a gap or the train and platform are at different elevations. You don’t have a lot of time to get on / off the train so this was a constant source of anxiety. Once our stroller wheel got stuck in between the train and the platform. It took some effort to pop it out. Another time my toddler stepped in the gap, but luckily I was holding her hand and stopped her from falling in. Always be mindful of the gap when you have kids. It’s probably one of the least safe situations you’ll constantly run into in Japan.
Malls and shopping centers almost always have elevators. You may need to wait a while to get one though. In the malls with 10+ floors, you might need to wait 5 minutes for an elevator. Sometimes they have “priority” elevators for the handicapped and strollers but often times perfectly abled people rudely take up all the space in those elevators.
We thought we would have trouble taking our stroller into restaurants but it was actually much less trouble than expected. There was only one restaurant that flat out turned us away, Sushi Tokyo Ten in Roppongi. Other establishments will usually move a chair so you can put your stroller at the table or counter where the chair was.
So overall the stroller was annoying to use but I don’t think we could have done the trip without it. It was a necessary evil with two young kids.
—Shinkansen—
We used the Shinkansen to get between cities. We had two trips, Tokyo to Kyoto and Osaka to Tokyo. We did not bother with the JR Pass, it wasn’t worth it. Mostly because our trips were 8 days apart so we would’ve needed the 14 days pass which wasn’t worth it for two Shinkansen trips.
One thing that caught us off-guard about the Shinkansen is how quickly it leaves a station when it makes a stop. We were expecting to have some time to get on when the train arrived, but it’s basically the same as a Metro stop. You have to get on right away. We made the mistake of buying a reserved seat for a train leaving in less than 15 minutes, without knowing where the elevator was. So we scrambled to get to where we needed to go on the platform and were the last ones on the train. We jumped on the train at the last second, we wanted to get to our specific car from the platform but we weren’t going to make it. It’s a miracle we didn’t lose a piece of luggage or a kid on the way. On the second trip I reserved a seat on a train that was 40 minutes out.
As far as seating we only needed to buy two seats. We would have put our toddler on our lap if needed, but we didn’t need to. Basically, one side of the train has 2 seats and the other 3. If you find a row that has the window seat open on the 3 seat side, then it is very unlikely anyone will sit in the aisle seat if you reserve the window and middle seat. We basically got a free seat for our toddler this way on both trips.
—Baby supplies—
We had more trouble than expected finding baby supplies. A lot of guides online tell you to go to drugstores, and maybe we were going to the wrong drugstores but that wasn’t working out for us. We were distraught until we by chance came across Babies R Us. Yes, the Babies R Us that went out of business in the USA. We happened to be browsing the malls in Odaiba when we came across this gem. It’s a treasure trove of western style baby food and supplies.
Our infant is in the “purée” food stage and we didn’t find any in drugstores. Most of the baby food is juice or rice porridge. Babies R Us has aisles worth of puréed food. It has diapers, wet wipes, formula, nose cleaners, and basically anything else you’d ever want for your baby. We stocked up on everything when we found this place. There are several locations but we went to the Odaiba location in Tokyo and the Harborland location in Kobe.
Another smaller store we found in the mall below Tokyo Skytree is Dadway. They don’t have as much as Babies R Us but we did pick up some purée here.
The other place we picked up diapers and a few others things is Don Quijote, which has locations all over the place. Their baby food collection is basically as limited as drugstores, but it’s fine in a pinch.
—Eating—
I’ve spoken a lot about logistics, but I had one primary reason for going to Japan: to eat tasty food. I had been to Japan once before I had kids and fell in love with the food.
Most guides will tell you families should go to family restaurants. Nope. Not happening. We did not go to a single Saizeriya or Bikkuri Donkey. And I definitely did not go through all of this trouble to eat at Denny’s. We went to a total of ZERO family restaurants.
I’m here to tell you there are plenty of good restaurants you can go to with kids. Even with a baby. Even with a baby and a toddler.
I’ll tell you my main approach to finding restaurants that will allow kids to dine with you. Your main tools are: Tablelog, Google Maps, and the individual restaurant websites. Tablelog is a great tool and their “with children” section on the restaurant info page is very accurate. If a restaurant is listed as “Babies are welcome” or “Baby Strollers accepted”, then you can very likely eat there with a baby. If a place does not have such a listing, it isn’t necessarily a no, it’s a maybe. That’s when you need to search Google Maps reviews for “kids”, “children”, “family” to see if anyone mentions the restaurant’s stance on such things. If you can’t find anything on Google Maps, go to the restaurant’s website. If they have an online reservation system, it is likely to list their stance on kids on the reservation page.
I did a lot of research beforehand and pinned all the relevant restaurants on Google Maps. That way, no matter where I was, I could find some good kid tolerant restaurants. I say “kid-tolerant” instead of “kid friendly” because I consider “kid-tolerant” to mean that they let kids in the restaurant, while “kid-friendly” means they have a kid’s menu, high chairs, etc.
We were able to eat at a wide variety of restaurants, from overpriced Michelin starred places to budget Omakase places. There are a lot of restaurants in Japan. If a restaurant doesn’t let you in because you have kids, it’s fine because there’s another similar one that will.
This is a list of good restaurants we ate at with our infant and toddler. These are just the places we made it to, there were plenty more I had on my list we didn’t make it to:
Gion Maruyama, Gion, Kyoto
Sushi Wakon, Four Seasons, Kyoto
The Oak Door, Grand Hyatt, Tokyo
Kobe Plaisir, Kobe
Roku Roku, Grand Hyatt, Tokyo
Daiwa Sushi, Toyosu Market, Tokyo
Inshotei, Ueno Park, Tokyo
Sushidan, Eat Play Works, Tokyo
Nishiya, Shinsaibashi, Osaka
Tonkatsu Wako, JR Isetan, Kyoto
Soju Dining, Tokyo Midtown, Tokyo
Imakatsu, Roppongi, Tokyo
Mizuno, Dotonbori, Osaka
Rokurinsha, Tokyo Station, Tokyo
Tsumigi, Tsukiji, Tokyo
Lots of different food stalls in Tsukiji Market, Tokyo
Other times we ate at conveyor belt sushi places, department store basements, or ramen places. The basements are a good place to get something for everyone. My toddler ate a lot of gyoza and noodles on this trip, she didn’t take a liking to much else. But Ichiran and Ippudo were right down her alley.
Tsukiji market was our go to breakfast place when we stayed in Tokyo. There’s plenty of different choices there and it opens early enough for jet-lagged families.
Overall I had a great time eating. If my toddler is eating she’s usually not having a tantrum, and we tried as best as possible to put our infant to sleep before we went to any higher end restaurants. There were some awkward tantrum moments but for the most part it was fine.
—City by City Report—
Tokyo
We had two different stays in Tokyo, the first after landing in Japan and the second right before departing Japan. We stayed a total of 10 nights in Tokyo, but we wish we had even more.
We could have come to Tokyo alone the whole trip and been perfectly content. It has the best food, the most kid friendly facilities, and there’s plenty to see and do.
Here’s a few choice things we did with the kids:
DisneySea: My toddler loved this one. We’ve been to Disneyland in SoCal but this is completely different. Even I was excited since it’s been a long while since I’ve been to an unexplored Disney park. A lot of people will say DisneySea is for older kids but there were plenty of rides my toddler could get on. It’s a great place for toddlers. A must visit with kids.
Ueno park: We spent a whole day in Ueno Park. There’s a great zoo, a fun Natural History Museum, and good restaurants. We picked up bento boxes from Inshotei and ate them at a picnic table in the zoo. I think this park is also a must do with kids.
One of the city views: you have a few choices here but we went to Tokyo Skytree and Shibuya Sky. Shibuya sky is a little less kid friendly, because they don’t allow strollers on the roof and they have some weird rules about holding your baby on the roof. I think they’re scared of a wind gust pulling your baby off the roof? I like the mall at Tokyo Skytree, and there’s a Rokurinsha there too (very good dipping ramen).
Small Worlds: This is a miniature museum on one of the man-made islands in the bay. It’s a little out of the way, but we made a day out of Toyosu Market, Small Worlds, and Odaiba. My toddler liked this one, the exhibits are interactive and fun to look at. It was better than expected.
Other than that we did a lot of eating and shopping in Tokyo for us adults.
Kyoto
Kyoto was probably our least favorite city to do with kids. In general it’s just hard to get around. There’s a lot of stroller unfriendly places. Streets without sidewalks. Rough cobblestone-like roads. Temples are not stroller friendly. Hills everywhere. Good luck getting to the top of the monkey park with a stroller. It’s definitely a trend in this city.
Maybe if you have older kids it’s fine. But if you have younger than elementary school kids it’s probably skippable. There’s not that many kid friendly activities here either. Temples aren’t interesting for kids. The best kid activity here is probably the Arashiyama Monkey Park. My toddler got a real kick out of feeding the monkeys. Just be aware there is a significant hike to get to the top of the hill where the monkeys are. My toddler is a pretty good walker, she made it all the way without crying or complaining. But I saw some other kids that didn’t fare as well.
The other thing you might try near the monkey park is the Arashiyama bamboo forest. I think it’s one of the most overrated sights in Japan though. It’s just mobbed with tourists all day. It’s not enjoyable with the crowds. I’ve been here twice and I’ve been disappointed both times.
I doubt we will be back to Kyoto any time soon.
Osaka
Osaka was nice. It was a bit refreshing to have many of the Tokyo conveniences again. Elevators everywhere, well paved and flat roads, and plenty of baby rooms.
Osaka is a good base for taking nearby day trips as well. We went to both Kobe and Nara without needing to take the Shinkansen.
The best kid experience in Osaka is the Kaiyukan aquarium. It’s big. The central tank with the whale sharks is impressive. They have lots of different animals from all over the world. It’s bigger and better than any aquarium we have in California.
The one thing I wasn’t prepared for was the lines. You need to pre-book your timed entry tickets online. We didn’t, and ended up getting tickets that were for entry two hours later. And we were there right when they opened. If I go to the aquarium at opening time on a weekday where we are from we can walk right in. Lesson learned.
We stayed in Shinsaibashi and it’s a very walkable area. There’s a covered shopping street that goes all the way down to Dotonbori. Namba is walkable from there. And America-mura is between Shinsaibashi and Dotonbori.
The Daimaru mall in Shinsaibashi is good for kids. There’s a Bornelund in there with a small indoor playground, a Pokémon Center, and good food.
I liked Osaka overall. The only thing I thought was a let down was okonomiyaki.
Nara
Nara was worth the trip. It’s about 45 minutes from Namba on the train, so not too out of the way.
There’s deer all over. Deer that bow to you. In the park, on the sidewalk, in the street. It’s a unique experience you should see at least once.
The deer are rather aggressive when you have food for them. It’s not a place where you want your kids feeding the deer. As soon as you buy the food from the street vendor, they mob you. They try to snatch the food out of your hand. Make sure you watch someone else do it first before deciding to do it yourself. If I let my toddler do it she probably would have been terrified.
The other must see in Nara is Todai-ji. It’s impressive. The giant Buddha is something. This was probably the best temple we saw on this trip, it’s visually stunning. More than anything we saw in Kyoto. I did have to carry the stroller up and down some steps, but there’s not too many.
Kobe
Kobe was great. It exceeded my expectations. The trip from Osaka is easy. We spent a full day there.
We started our one day in Kobe at the Nunobiki Herb Gardens. I wasn’t expecting too much but this place is really nice. It’s big, with lots of different gardens and exhibits to see. There’s great views as well. We took lots of pictures.
There’s a few different places to eat and drink in the gardens as well. We had some sparkling rose at “The Veranda” which had a great view of Kobe. We didn’t eat because we had a lunch reservation down the hill.
There’s a few things to watch out for. This place gets busy, so get there early. There’s no reservations, you just go early and wait in line. When we left at midday the line was massive, so get there when they open.
The herb garden only takes up the top half the hill. At first I thought it extended to the bottom of the hill, but the bottom half of the hill is actually a hiking trail without gardens. So I bought a one way gondola ticket to the top expecting to walk down all the way, but after I realized the garden ended at the middle I bought another ticket to go down (instead of getting the round trip ticket like I should have).
After the gardens we went to eat Kobe beef. Kobe Plaisir was the restaurant I chose, which was both high end and had a kids menu. The beef was great and everyone had a good time.
Afterwards we went to Harborland. It’s a nice area on the harbor that has a big boat you can go out on, and a couple of shopping malls. The Anpanman museum is here too but by the time we got there tickets were sold out for the day. This is also where you can find a Babies R Us.
Our Kobe day was one of the best days of our trip. I’d suggest a day trip here for anyone.
—Closing—
It’s hard to travel with kids this age. No doubt. Everything will take more time and be more expensive than when you used to travel alone. But I do not regret taking this trip at all. As a matter of fact I want to go back right now. My wife loved the trip, and my toddler might even remember it when she grows up. She still talks about feeding the monkeys and how dad ate a “real fish” (A Japanese sweetfish they grilled in front of us at Gion Maruyama). Japan is a great place for a first family trip.

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I will continue to update this post as reviews come in.
Rotten Tomatoes
Critics Consensus: While it plays too much like a sizzle reel of DC's greatest hits to fully stand on its own two feet, The Flash has enough heart and zip to maintain a confident stride.

	Score	Number of Reviews	Average Rating
All Critics	74%	102	6.50/10
Top Critics	50%	22	5.90/10

Metacritic: 61 (29 Reviews)
Sample Reviews:
In The Flash, the multiverse of possibilities that opens up by toying with the past becomes an excuse to throw everything but the Batcave sink at the audience. - Owen Gleiberman, Variety
If The Flash ultimately proves uneven, its wobbly climactic showdown far less interesting than the more character-driven buildup, the story’s core of a young man struggling to reconcile with the loss of his mother carries it through. - David Rooney, Hollywood Reporter
A movie that spends all its time racing from one poorly-thought out story element to another, from one only modestly satisfying nostalgia shout-out to another, and with only questionable results. How fitting, yet how disappointing: The Flash has the runs. - William Bibbiani, TheWrap
Worth the hype, though trying to do so much also leads to a head-scratching kitchen-sink climax. 3/4 - Brian Truitt, USA Today
It’s a pitiful disservice to itself, turning a relatively fun, if rocky, movie into nothing but another product designed as a carousel where you can point at things and people you recognize. 2/5 - Trace Sauveur, Austin Chronicle
The story gets messy — multiple cameos and a rushed intro for Sasha Calle as Supergirl — but I like how it follows Keaton’s war cry: “Let’s get nuts.” 3/4 - Peter Howell, Toronto Star
Despite some diverting touches, Miller’s smirking, gurning, mugging doppelganger performance is a trial and in any case gets lost in the inevitable third-act CGI battle apocalypse. 2/5 - Peter Bradshaw, Guardian
The film’s parade of “remember this?!” in-jokes makes it the opposite of a reset – it’s more like a scratched record. 2/5 - Tim Robey, Daily Telegraph (UK)
A morally specious movie that’s mostly about reflogging the cultural canon of an entertainment conglomerate. 2/5 - Kevin Maher, Times (UK)
This is one of the best superhero movies of the 21st century so far. Just sit back and enjoy the flashes of greatness. 4/5 - Charlotte O'Sullivan, London Evening Standard
The Flash, much like Barry himself, has been stranded with no real sense of history, and no real sense of the future, either. It does the best it can. 3/5 - Clarisse Loughrey, Independent (UK)
Although it’s not without some fun moments, The Flash often substitutes cameos for genuine thrills, and a general aura of exhaustion hovers over it all. - Esther Zuckerman, Bloomberg News
It's well-trod territory at this point, even for a speedster. C+ - Christian Holub, Entertainment Weekly
The Flash is, by far, the best movie to come out of this modern, post-Nolan Warners/DC collaboration... - David Fear, Rolling Stone
Set to be one of the final entries in what we know as the DCEU, this is also one of the best, a witty and warm buddy comedy that deserves to be more than just a Flash in the pan. 4/5 - Chris Hewitt (UK), Empire Magazine
Taken on its own merits, Andy Muschietti’s film has lots to offer, and frequently shows flashes (apologies) of brilliance that set it a cut above most of its existing DC Universe brethren. B- - Kate Erbland, indieWire
Nothing Batman or Supergirl do in The Flash to save the world is more effective than what Barry Allen does to save it with a hug and a can of tomatoes. 2.5/4 - Justin Clark, Slant Magazine
It’s sometimes buried under layers and layers of storytelling knots that the film never fully untangles, but the fun is there, and when the film is really working, that turns out to be enough. B- - Matthew Jackson, AV Club
Even in a vacuum, or an alternate universe with no Spider-Verse or MCU, The Flash would just feel middling. B- - Liz Shannon Miller, Consequence
Maybe nerd culture was a mistake. - Alonso Duralde, The Film Verdict
Michael Keaton’s Batman return saves this movie. 6/10 - Matt Singer, ScreenCrush
The movie puts a lot of thought into what it wants to say and not enough into how it says it. 2.5/4 - Matt Zoller Seitz, RogerEbert.com
SYNOPSIS:
Worlds collide in “The Flash” when Barry uses his superpowers to travel back in time in order to change the events of the past. But when his attempt to save his family inadvertently alters the future, Barry becomes trapped in a reality in which General Zod has returned, threatening annihilation, and there are no Super Heroes to turn to. That is, unless Barry can coax a very different Batman out of retirement and rescue an imprisoned Kryptonian… albeit not the one he’s looking for. Ultimately, to save the world that he is in and return to the future that he knows, Barry’s only hope is to race for his life. But will making the ultimate sacrifice be enough to reset the universe?
CAST:

• Ezra Miller as Barry Allen/The Flash
• Sasha Calle as Kara Zor-El/Supergirl
• Michael Shannon as General Zod
• Ron Livingston as Henry Allen
• Maribel Verdú as Nora Allen
• Kiersey Clemons as Iris West
• Antje Traue as Faora-Ul
• Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne/Batman
• Ben Affleck as Bruce Waye/Batman
• Gal Gadot as Diana Prince/Wonder Woman
• Jeremy Irons as Alfred Pennyworth

DIRECTED BY: Andy Muschietti
PRODUCED BY: Barbara Muschietti, Michael Disco
SCREENPLAY BY: Christina Hodson
SCREEN STORY BY: John Francis Daley, Jonathan Goldstein, Joby Harold
BASED ON CHARACTERS FROM: DC
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Toby Emmerich, Walter Hamada, Galen Vaisman, Marianne Jenkins
DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY: Henry Braham
PRODUCTION DESIGNER: Paul Denham Austerberry
EDITED BY: Jason Ballantine, Paul Machliss
COSTUME DESIGNER: Alexandra Byrne
MUSIC BY: Benjamin Wallfisch
RUNTIME: 144 Minutes
RELEASE DATE: June 16, 2023

We now reach the end of our journey to review all the major companions in the history of Doctor Who. There have been some great ones and not so great ones, but despite it all everybody is someone’s favourite; and the sheer variety we’ve had of the years makes me very excited for our new companion coming with Series 14 who I’m sure will pick up the mantle well.
And since this is gallifrey it would be amiss not to do a ranking of all the companions discussed as people on this sub do love a good ranking.
In this I’ll be including the 44 companions we went over as well as the one main companion I missed (Kamelion) owing to him only having two appearances. Remember this is subjective, and also please post your own rankings in the comments as it’s always good to see everyone’s alternative points of view.
And now we remember them all.

1. Jamie McCrimmon
   
2. Dorothy ‘Ace’ McShane
   
3. Donna Noble
   
4. Barbara Wright
   
5. Sarah-Jane Smith
   
6. Zoe Herriot
   
7. Jo Grant
   
8. Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart
   
9. Leela of the Sevateem
   
10. Ian Chesterton
    
11. Martha Jones
    
12. Rose Tyler
    
13. Bill Potts
    
14. Vicki
    
15. Clara Oswald
    
16. Tegan Jovanka
    
17. Harry Sullivan
    
18. Sergeant John Benton
    
19. Captain Jack Harkness
    
20. Romana II
    
21. Graham O’Brien
    
22. Polly Wright
    
23. Romana I
    
24. Rory Williams
    
25. Ben Jackson
    
26. Vislor Turlough
    
27. River Song
    
28. Dan Lewis
    
29. Nardole
    
30. Steven Taylor
    
31. Dodo Chaplet
    
32. K9
    
33. Mickey Smith
    
34. Liz Shaw
    
35. Nyssa of Traken
    
36. Amy Pond
    
37. Susan
    
38. Victoria Waterfield
    
39. Yasmin Khan
    
40. Captain Mike Yates
    
41. Ryan Sinclair
    
42. Mel Bush
    
43. Adric
    
44. Peri Brown
    
45. Kamelion
    

That was harder than expected, so many deserve to be higher up that got pushed down by virtue of there being so many (somebody has to be at the bottom I guess) I look forward to seeing other peoples rankings!
So do you agree/disagree? How would you rank the companions? Let us know in the comments!

This post is part of a series of reviews. To see them all, click here.

Serial Information

• Episodes: Season 8, Episodes 1-4
• Airdates: 2nd - 23rd January 1971
• Doctor: 3rd
• Companion: Jo (Katy Manning)
• UNIT: The Brigadier, Sgt. Benton, Capt. Yates (Richard Franklin)
• Other Notable Character: The Delgado Master (Roger Delgado)
• Writer: Robert Holmes
• Director: Barry Letts (Uncredited)
• Producer: Barry Letts
• Script Editor: Terrance Dicks

Review

You see, Doctor, you're my intellectual equal – almost. I have so few worthy opponents. When they've gone I always miss them. – The Master
Creatively, and from a viewership perspective, Season 7 was a success. But behind the scenes, the producer Barry Letts was not entirely satisfied. Letts felt that Liz didn't work in the companion role, and wanted to move the companion back towards being an audience surrogate. And from the villain side of things, he seems to have felt that the show was missing the kind of strong recurruing villain that the Daleks, and to a lesser extent the Cybermen represented.
To solve the former concern, Liz was replaced by new companion Jo Grant, who could fulfill that audience surrogate role that he wanted. Letts also missed the days in which the Doctor would have both a female and male companion, and so added the character of Captain Mike Yates. While Yates never really played the role Letts seems to have wanted for him, the idea was to have a UNIT soldier who would be more consistently attached to the Doctor. Yates does solve one problem. See in Season 7, the Brigadier had something of a rotating cast of second in commands. Now, finally, he had a single one in Yates.
As for the latter concern, well, Letts, along with Script Editor Terrance Dicks came up with an idea. They saw the Doctor, at least since he was working with UNIT, as a sort of modern day Sherlock Holmes. And, well, if Holmes had Moriarty, then surely the Doctor can have an equivalent. Enter the Doctor's equal and opposite. Enter the Master.
As soon as the character was created, Barry Letts knew he wanted to get Roger Delgado in the role. Barry Letts knew Delgado, as they had worked together when Letts was an actor. And, for once, the Doctor Who production team got their first choice for a role. And you can see why Letts wanted Delgado, from the moment the Master walks onscreen in episode 1 declaring that he is "usually known as the Master (…) Universally", he carries himself with such poise and self-confidence. Delgado's Master feels like he's a few steps ahead throughout this story, partially due to being written as such, but partially due to Delgado's performance.
The relationship between the Doctor and the Master is also established here, in something of an early form. We learn, via an amusing conversation with a Time Lord who literally pops into existence, that the Doctor does know of the Master, though no hints are given at any sort of prior relationship between the two. It's actually quite interesting to see the Doctor and Master trying to out-maneuver each other long before they actually meet face to face – a meeting that doesn't occur until episode 4. The parallels between the Doctor and the Master start getting dropped early when, in episode 1, the Doctor declares that vanity is the Master's weakness and then in the next scene the Master declares that curiosity is the Doctor's, showing the two are both thinking along similar tactical lines. When they do finally meet face to face, the encounter is electric. Pertwee and Delgado have instant chemistry with each other, meaning that each of their scenes together has a certain flair to it.
Jo too, shines in her debut story. Since Jo is created as an audience surrogate, she can't have quite the same level of extreme competence that Liz had. So, instead, she seems to be a bit good at everything. She took an A-Level in "science" but didn't pass, suggesting she was somewhat scientifically inclined but not at all brilliant in that field. She's taken a number of espionage related courses from cryptology to, and this is the one that comes up most often, escapology. That last one hints at something that we'll see pop up on and off during Jo run – she's a bit more capable of engaging in physical activity than most past female companions (exceptions being Sara Kingdom and, oddly enough, Zoe).
She's introduced by ruining the Doctor's work on the Dematerialization Circuit when she puts out a fire with a fire extinguisher, which is actually a great way to give us a sense of her character. On one hand, she shows really quick thinking by immediately going for the extinguisher. On the other hand, it does show that she doesn't always think things through. That mix of eagerness to please, quick thinking skills, but lack of forethought, is the version of Jo that we get throughout this story, and it helps her character stand out in her debut.
Even Mike Yates gets plenty of shine in this story. Though not quite in the role of secondary companion he was designed for, he gets to both show great creative thinking and initiative by driving his car directly into an Auton (since bullets aren't effective), and a bit of personality by using the Doctor's Bunsen Burner to heat up so hot cocoa (this is actually plot-relevant). He doesn't quite stand out as much as Jo does, but as an introductory story for a brand new recurring character, Terror of the Autons does well by Mike.
So much like the original Nestene story, Spearhead from Space, Terror of the Autons is a story tasked with introducing a lot of new elements to the show. The question is, does it manage to do enough to stand as a story on its own?
I'm afraid not.
Where Terror shines is introducing all these new characters. But like Spearhead it lacks a lot in its actual plot. At the very least we are doing more with the Nestene's ability to control plastic. Unlike in Spearhead where the Nestene mostly just took control of some specially made mannequins, we see them controlling an inflatable plastic chair, a very ugly plastic doll, a telephone wire (in one of Jon Pertwee's most over-dramatic cliffhangers) and, most significantly, plastic flowers. If I'll give credit to Terror's plot for one thing over Spearhead, it's that it does a lot more with the premise of a villain that can control plastic.
But to what end? At the end of the day this is just another alien invasion story, and whereas Spearhead built up a sense of intrigue around its requisite conspiracy plot line, Terror doesn't even really have a conspiracy plot. There are no Facsimiles (Nestene Duplicates) aside from two police officers. Instead, The Master uses his hypnotism to take control of a circus manager and the boss of a plastics factory, but because we see him doing this, there's no real suspense as to what they're up to. Also the whole circus plot feels extraneous. Apparently in earlier versions of the story it was a lot more significant, but in the final version it feels sort of pointless.
The plot of the story revolves around the Master's attempts to bring the Nestene to Earth, which he does by stealing one of the Nestene energy balls from Spearhead from Space, and using said boss of the plastics factory, Rex Farrell to manufacture a bunch of stuff for the Nestene. Rex Farrell does get some development, thanks to an apparent difficult relationship with his father who started the plastics company that Rex now runs. His story ends rather tragically as well. Having freed himself from the Master's mental control, he manages to fight him for a time, only for the Master to re-hypnotize him into committing suicide by UNIT wearing a Master mask.
But on the whole, it all feels a bit…empty. Even the Master's part of the plot feels weird, especially having seen the rest of the 3rd Doctor era. It's never clear what the Master intends to get out of helping the Nestene. He mentions the destruction of the human race, but why does he want that? There's not indication that he gets any power out of it. At the end of the story he swaps sides when the Doctor points out that the Nestene likely won't distinguish between him and the other humanoids, and…I mean really? He never considered that? It is something of a fatal flaw of the Master's that he just assumes that his allies will stay loyal to him, but him being so easily convinced by the Doctor kind of throws that reasoning out. The Master is great in this story…until you consider his over-arching goals.
Also, the Autons talk in this story. They get a distorted robotic voice that feels a bit generic. I didn't mind it, but I think they're a lot creepier when they can't talk. And while we're on the subject of the Autons, I think it's funny that, in this story, the only story to have the Autons in the title, they actually take a bit of a back seat to the Master and the other plastic things that the Nestene control. Not a complaint so much as a funny observation.
While we're on criticizing, I do want to briefly mention Liz. Obviously she doesn't appear in this story, but her absence does at least get a mention. Her departure is explained as her returning to Cambridge, meaning that she's not just left the Doctor and the Brigadier, she's left UNIT as a whole. It's a rough way to lose the character, similar to Dodo's, though at the very least it's implied that she's said goodbye to the Doctor offscreen, whereas Dodo just left a note. Caroline John probably wasn't available to film much as she would have been pregnant when this was filming, but some sort of appearance would have been nice. I also think it was a mistake to shut the door on Liz returning entirely. Personally, I would argue that giving UNIT more personnel is one of this story's strengths, and having Liz make cameos as a backup scientist to the Doctor would have helped UNIT feel even more well filled-out.
As for the Brigadier? He's his usual self, not much to report on him in this story. He and Benton don't get a terrific amount to do, but that's perfectly forgivable as the show was introducing two new characters on the UNIT side of things, as well as a brand new major villain. The focus was, correctly, put on those characters rather than the existing ones.
Terror of the Autons does a lot right. It introduces three new characters and gives each of them moments to shine. The Master is an intimidating and dangerous new enemy. Mike Yates is a likable and brave new permanent UNIT captain. And Jo has an intriguing mix of traits. It's faults are only visible when you strip all that away to be left with almost nothing else.
Score: 6/10

Stray Observations

• Barry Letts was not credited for his role as director, since he was the show's producer at the time, and at the BBC producers were not allowed to receive directing credit, as a way to discourage abuse of power.
• Robert Holmes was initially reluctant to write another Auton story, as he disliked the idea of recycling plots. The specifics of the story was in part inspired because Holmes saw a detergent company giving away plastic flowers as a promotional event, as well as seeing warnings about plastic bags potentially suffocating children.
• Ian Marter was initially considered to play Mike Yates, but he was unavailable. Marter would go on to play companion Harry Sullivan a few years later.
• The Master's costume was inspired by Pandit Nehru, the first Prime Minister of India. Ironically this was the same inspiration that Jon Pertwee had suggested for his Doctor's costume, though obviously they ended up going in a very different direction.
• For whatever reason, this story uses the version of the theme that goes into the middle 8 and fades out at the end, rather than the version that was used for the opening titles last season, and will, after this season be used until Season 18 finally changes the theme. What's frustrating is that this version doesn't sync up at all with the 3rd Doctor title sequence, as that was designed around the new version.
• The Doctor implies he knows the Time Lord who appears to give him the warning about the Master.
• According to the Doctor, Captain Yates had the job of clearing up the Nestene after the events of Spearhead from Space. This also shows that the Doctor has met Yates before, even if we haven't seen him on screen.
• I appreciate that the Doctor seems to go chasing after a lead at the circus entirely because he felt like going to the circus.
• There's a scene in episode 3 that really does say a lot about the Doctor's relationship with the Brigadier. The Doctor's been complaining about…and to the Brigadier when some bureaucrat walks into the room with something he wants UNIT to handle. The Doctor, being the Doctor, goes off on the bureaucrat but when the bureaucrat takes a pot shot at the Brig (for having the Doctor on staff), the Doctor runs him through a vicious set of putdowns, claims to know his boss from a country club, and actually defends the Brigadier.

Next Time: A machine is being used to suck the evil out of criminals' brains. Surely this will only lead to good things.

The good, the bad and the ugly

The Bullhorn is a weekly newsletter for the Ansible Community
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If you have anything to share about what you’ve been up to with Ansible lately, at any time, simply hop into #social:ansible.com (the Ansible Social room on Matrix) and leave a message, tagging newsbot. Your update will then be included in the next edition of the Bullhorn (pending editor approval, of course).
Here's The Bullhorn #104 newsletter:

KEY DATES ⏱️

cybette said

• 2023-06-06: DaWGs meeting, 15:00 UTC
• 2023-06-07: Community WG meeting, 18:00 UTC (propose topics here)
• 2023-06-08: Bullhorn #105 content deadline, 18:00 UTC
• 2023-06-19: ETA for Ansible-Core 2.13.11, 2.14.7 and 2.15.1
• 2023-06-20: ETA for Ansible 7.7.0 release
• 2023-06-20: ETA for Ansible 8.1.0 release

GENERAL NEWS UPDATES 🔈️

Gwmngilfen contributed

Ansible Project Mission Statement - have your say!

As part of our efforts to strengthen the community this year, it seemed right to make sure that the aims of the project - as a whole - are clearly communicated.
We've been around a while, and while automation is clearly central, we have a variety of statements like "a radically simple IT automation system", "Automation for everyone", or "open-source automation that is simple, flexible, and powerful". We called out "fragmentation" in the community strategy, and this is a great example of it in action - we're not being consistent in our message.
So, we thought it might be time to ask you all - What does Ansible mean to you?. Give us your thoughts! We'll use the data to inform the work on making this consistent, and we'll update you on the results later in the summer.

Don Naro said

As you might know the Ansible 8 package is going to be released soon! We're preparing to publish the documentation and would like to ask the community for review of docs on the test site here.
If you see any issues, missing content, or have any comments, please drop by the Docs channel on Matrix or add a comment to our docs checklist issue. Thanks!
Editor's note: This issue of The Bullhorn will be published after the release of Ansible 8.0.0. However, you are still welcome to review the docs for this release (and in general) and share your feedback anytime! In fact, I just submitted a docs PR while compiling this newsletter issue 😊

MAJOR NEW RELEASES 🏆️

Ansible ↗ 📦️

The Ansible package includes ansible-core and is a batteries-included package that provides a curated set of Ansible collections. See the Ansible roadmaps for future release plans.
chadams contributed

Ansible 8.0.0 is out! ❤️
💽You can install it by running the following command or download the release tarball directly from pypi:
pip install ansible==8.0.0 --user
➡️ Check Release Notes📦️🗒️ and Ansible 8 Porting Guide for more details!

anwesha said

Ansible 7.6.0 is out! ❤️
💽You can install it by running the following command or download the release tarball directly from pypi:
pip install ansible==7.6.0 --user
➡️ Check Release Notes📦️🗒️ and Ansible 7 Porting Guide for more details!

Ansible-Core ↗ ⚡️

The ansible-core package contains the base engine and a small subset of modules and plugins. To see what's planned for the next release, look at the ansible-core roadmaps.
cybette contributed

New releases: ansible-core 2.13.10 and ansible-core 2.14.6.

PROJECT UPDATES 🛠️

Ashwini Mhatre shared

Updates from Ansible networking team. * We have enabled periodic jobs through GHA for network collections. * We are working on community.ioscm collection which works for iosxe on controller mode, when the appliance is in sd-wan infrastructure! * IRC Meeting changes. * We want someone who will look into ansible-lint fixes for community.network collection.

COLLECTION UPDATES 🪄

andersson007_ said

The community.mysql collection version 3.7.2 has been released! Special thanks to betanummeric for fixing the blocker!

Ashwini Mhatre contributed

We're happy to announce the following networking collection updates: * cisco.iosxr 5.0.3 has been released with bugfixes (changelog) * cisco.nxos 4.4.0 has been released with new features (changelog) * vyos.vyos 4.1.0 has been released with new features (changelog)

mariolenz shared

It looks like the netapp.azure collection is effectively unmaintained. According to the current community guidelines for collections, we consider removing it in a future version of the Ansible community package. Please see Unmaintained collection: netapp.azure for more information or to announce that you're interested in taking over the maintenance of (a fork of) netapp.azure.
At least one month after this announcement appears here and in the collection's issue tracker, the Ansible Community Steering Committee will vote on whether this collection is considered unmaintained and will be removed, or whether it will be kept. If it will be removed, this will happen earliest in Ansible 10. Please note that you can still manually install the collection with ansible-galaxy collection install netapp.azure even when it has been removed from Ansible.

mariolenz shared

The netapp.aws collection is considered unmaintained and will be removed from Ansible 10 if no one starts maintaining it again before Ansible 10. See the removal process for details on how this works.
Please note that you can still manually install the collection with ansible-galaxy collection install netapp.aws even when it has been removed from Ansible.

HELP WANTED 🙏

samccann shared

We're looking for good sample commands and commonly used flags for the Ansible CLI commands so we can create a cheatsheet for users. Please add your favorites to this issue.

Don Naro said

Help us improve the HTML landing pages on docs.ansible.com with some better Jinja templating! Find out how to get involved and contribute to our improved content experience here.

PROPOSALS - DISCUSS AND VOTE! 🗳️

felixfontein shared

There is an active community vote on a proposal for the Ansible 9 roadmap. If you are interested, please check out the proposal or the associated discussion issue, and feel free to cast a vote for or against the proposal.

COMMUNITY UPDATES 👂️

steampunks said

We’re happy to announce that Spotter 2.0 was released and brings many new and enhanced enterprise-ready features and checks, such as custom policies, assisted writing feature, security checks, and more.

COMMUNITY EVENTS AND MEETUPS 📅

Sean Sullivan said

The Infra config as Code collection group will have a Public Office hours meeting on June 8th at 9am EST/1pm UTC. Details here.

cybette contributed

Several upcoming Ansible meetups! Check out the details in the links: * June 7 - Québec/Montréal (online) - Rencontre juin 2023 * June 8 - Bern - 3. Ansible Meetup Bern * June 15 - Minneapolis - AnsibleFest/Summit 2023 Announcements Recap * June 17 - Benelux - Ansible AAP Meetup

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW!

Have any questions you’d like to ask, or issues you’d like to see covered? Please ask in #social:ansible.com! See you next time!

We're headed there for my partner's birthday and are curious for any early reviews or recommendations.
It's a new, swank steakhouse in Fulton Market. Looks and feels like a more thoughtful/tasteful Adalina, maybe. Which isn't to say I'm biased: Swift is our favorite steakhouse right now, what with Bavette's falling off a cliff, so if it's anything like S&S, we're all in.
https://www.theinfatuation.com/chicago/reviews/fioretta

Life is but a dream? more like LIFE IS BUT A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!
I Grew up with Avenged Sevenfold in my teenage years, they were one of the first Metal bands i actively began listening to, and Nightmare, to this day, is still one of the best Metal album to me
Come Hail to the King and these guys shamelessly ripped off Alice in Chain, The Entire song of "Sad but True" by Metallica, thinking we won't fucking notice it, but fine, because after that they gave us the Stage which was sort of a flop, but at the same time, a return to form, and with a concept that actually aged really fucking well, I won’t pretend to be a genius when it comes to reviewing music, or any kind of Media in general, I don’t use fancy wordings like someone from fucking Loudwire, or Metalc(s)ucks, or even fucking Metal Injection, and quite frankly, I think my reviews suck, I don’t have much faith in them, I just type whatever comes to my mind, but once in a blue fucking moon, a record either manages to take me off my feet with how good they are, or, how fucking atrocious and disastrous it is, so come the new Avenged Sevenfold album and its quite literally the worst fucking album they could have ever made, this makes Hail to the King an actual 10/10 in comparison, there is not a single positive I could write about this shit, it would be like picking up a dog turd from the street and tossing it in the garbage, at the end of the day, you did something for the environment, but at the cost of dirtying your hand with literal shit.
There is 5 factors I take into account when im deciding if an album is worthy of a certain score, and the list is as follows: Vocals, Musicianship, Production, Lyrics, and lastly Instruments.
Let’s start with the Vocals, because oh my fucking god it’s nails on a chalkboard, it’s like someone is actively trying to brainfuck me through my earhole with a rusty and molded Drill, I’d rather walk on fucking legos for the rest of my life than dealing with this fucking vocals, whatever the hell M Shadows is trying to do in this shit is NOT working, the opening track has some really ass tier lyrics (which I will get to later) and M Shadows does the wimpiest, Shittiest, tired, nasally and processed screams I probably ever fucking heard, this makes Danzig in his current time look actually fucking amazing in comparison, this makes Vince Fucking Neil sounds almost audible, Almost is the keyword here, because the vocals gets progressively way fucking worse, M Shadows cannot hit any fucking right notes, nor the highs, nor the lows, no in between, nothing, they all sound forced and as if someone was kicked in the balls and let out the most desperate cry but with the voice of Lisa Simpson, And DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE SINGLES! M Shadows’ vocals gets progressively way fucking worse the more this album drags out its 53 minute runtime, and it doesn’t fucking help that M Shadows actually admitted in an interview that he and everyone else was high out of their fucking mind and decided “you know what? We should make the shittiest Mr. Bungle Rip-off we can with Nobody and We Love You!” Nobody is one hell of a fucking title because I wish Nobody had to fucking write this tired, phoned in, ‘we had to make music to please our record label’ type of fucking music, this is a band actively pissing off whatever goodwill they had, and that’s not even mentioning the Fucking NFT and “Deathbat club” shit they have going on, that is a topic for a completely different discussion, going back, Nobody was the first single, and the beginning sounds like someone shoved up a tuba in Synyster Gates’ asshole and let out the loudest fart he could possibly do, the entire fucking song sounds disjointed and as if it was recorded by a fucking cover band, not a multi-platinum selling Metal band who SHOULD have at this point DECADES of experience, like Jesus fucking Christ in a Maid Outfit HOW THE FUCK DOES SOMEONE FUCK UP SOMETHING THIS HARD?! It’s fascinates me because this band made one of the best album in the form of Nightmare, then they actively fucking made the middest music imaginable, Nobody sounds like it’s walking with fucking crutches, Nobody is so fucking bad that every fucking fiber of my body is actively telling me to stop listening to this, listen to a better band, but because I am a fucking Masochist I suffered through it, it doesn’t get better, oh NO IT DOESN’T, skipping to We Love You, we have the Mr. Bungle rip-off that we all fucking loved when it came out (if you couldn’t tell already, that last part was pure fucking sass and sarcasm) whoever the fuck thought this was a good fucking single or a song in general to release should be fucking forced to listen to Psychosinner for the rest of their life, M Shadows tries to do some kind of spoken section mid verse with More Power More Money More Whatever the fuck the word of the day is, and it just sounds way too fucking pandering, and that is coming from someone who suffered through Skillet’s discography at one point, if it wasn’t for that I would legit thought its a fucking piss-take on Christian Rock and Metal as a whole, all it needed was some vague “we love god blah blah blah” so yeah, the Spoken word section thing did NOT work at all, and you know what else doesn’t work? DRAGGING YOUR FUCKING SONGS OUT TO 5+ MINUTES! Half the fucking album drags on for WAY TOO FUCKING LONG, and what DOESN’T HELP is the fact that nothing on this album sounds like it was written with the mind of an album, this sounds like a demo a fucking no name band shits out on Bandcamp or Soundcloud, but im getting side tracked, We Love You is a fucking shitshow of epic proportions, whoever the fuck thought they should use Autotune to make M Shadows sound robotic should be fired from their job, I’m dead fucking serious, and good to know they fucking play fucking FORTNITE with the amazing lyrics like “More Sex More Pill Build Tall Build Higher Build Wider” just for that alone, Fuck You A7X, I despise Shitnite with all my fucking passion and you making reference to that, even unintentionally pisses me off to no end, I’m already dragging the point of the vocals sounding shit, so I won’t even bother torturing you guys with this anymore, instead, let me torture you with the fact that EVERYBODY SOUNDS COMPLETELY FUCKING WASTED HERE! Seriously where the fuck is the cool solos from Synyster?! Where is the kickass and in your face drumming?! Why does everything sound so compressed?! Why does this fucking album sounds like they ran out of ideas so they tried to do the shittiest of rip-off they can think about from bands that are popular these days?! AND WHY, THE FUCK, DOES THIS ALBUM SOUND LIKE IT’S BEING PUT THROUGH A FUCKING GUILLOTINE ?! Everything that defined this band is long fucking gone, nothing is left here, just a husk, a broken down shell of a band that used to write cool stuff, even if you never liked their music, you could always respect them for putting in the work, but here? The entire musicianship is down the drain, this sounds like a band on its deathbed, the entire album is just not fun to listen to, at least there is always some redeeming quality in a bad album, or a fucking excuse why it turned out to be shit, but “Ohh nooooo M Shadows blew his vocals, the Horror!” guess who else fucking blew his vocals out? Matt Heafy from Trivium, and what did he do? Despite not being able to Scream for a while, he made Silence in the Snow in response, where he showcased his rather nice singing ability, is that album perfect? No, but it is an example that despite an album being average, the singing can be a redeeming quality of that, so I will not, under any fucking circumstances will take “BuT He BlEw HiS vOcAls OuT hE cAn’t sInG lIke He UsEd To AnYmOrE!!!” As a fucking excuse when Matt Heafy and a lot of other Metal Vocalist fucking made the best out of a bad situation and still managed to make decent recordings, also, you know what else doesn’t work on this shitshow of an album? MIXING COUNTRY WITH FUCKING METAL! It, LEGIT angers me to hear country in Metal because guess what, most of the country songs are hot garbage, all me an elitist all you want but Country nowadays sucks Donkey Balls, Maybe I’m just not looking at the right direction or the right artist but whatever because IM NOT DONE TEARING THIS FUCKING ALBUM 12 ASSHOLES YET! And this song is the longest on the entire album, clocking in at 7 and a half minutes, I am a fan of long songs, if they are done right,oh and please excuse me while I fucking bash my head into the nearest wall I can find because MY FUCKING GOD WHOEVER PUT SIREN NOISES IN THE SONG LEGITIMATELY HATES PEOPLES BECAUSE THIS IS FUCKING EARRAPE PERSONIFIED, Like my fucking God, Lucifer himself is not this fucking Satanic to try and piss humans off in Hell, Cosmic, which is the title of the song, can Fuck Right off Sideways in a Fucking Fake Taxi Casting and then blow whatever the fucking dick it can find because this song literally facefucks me with how bad this shit is, and that’s not even touching on how completely BORING the next track is, I damn near fell asleep from it when I first listened to it, it was the closest I probably got to music actually putting me to sleep from how BORING It is, and my god I already touched on the production but can I just ask why does everything sound like its AI generated? Oh waaaaait, I know now, BECAUSE AVENGED SEVENFOLD BECAME NFT BROS! AND FUCKING SCAMMING DICKHEADS! So no wonder they want to try and cater to the lowest common fucking denominator by putting out a song that makes all the NFT Bros and shills and rich companies cum from the cash they see in their eyes, also can I just ask, how do you make PIANO sound so horribly fucking bad? It’s like someone just got a cheap synth and tried to mimic how Piano sounds like but with the worst settings possible, so that’s the vocals, musicianship, and the fucking production in a nutshell, BUT WAIT, THERE IS MORE! If that wasn’t enough, M Shadows does his worst possible fucking T-Pain impression on the song Easier! Add that to the list of why the fuck does this exist: Music Edition. Anyways, that was the only noteworthy thing I could possibly point out in that song, aside from that its generic Imagine Dragons-Core, but now we have a trilogy of songs in the from of G. O, And D...wait you expected me to give them the full song title with the brackets? Sweet summer child, you are not on a fucking Simple Plan fan Group page, Anyways, G is a fucking Voivod rip-off, in the worst possible way, Did they seriously fucking think im not gonna notice that? Its a literal fucking Voivod rip-off, and on the topic of Voivod, can I ask what the fuck this shit has to do with Avant-Garde? Are peoples really just gonna put Avant-Garde in every single fucking disjointed shitty mess a fucking artist does? By that same logic Kanye West is Avant-Garde, Machine Gun Kelly is Avant-Garde, even fucking Lil Pump is Avant-Garde by this fucking logic, this is the furthest from fucking Avant-Garde, it’s a few peoples writing the shittiest of fucking “prog metal” if you can even call it that, and then selling it as some revolutionary sound while they forget that IMPERIAL TRIUMPHANT HAS BEEN DOING THAT FOR NEARLY 2 DECADES! MY FUCKING GOD THIS ALBUM FINDS MORE WAYS TO JUST PISS ME THE FUCK OFF!!! also, even more spoken words, fucking kill me, but since we are nearing the end of this fucking album how about we talk about just how shitty the lyrics are? I already touched on how fucking horrible We Love You’s lyrics are, but it’s even worse on some songs, like Cosmic, with such gems like “Pain, it founds its way back in, until we meet again, into that good night” or how about Beautiful Morning? Where it literally says “Help me to hear and hear me to save And save me before I've gone too far Let me inhale my passage to hell While slowly exhaling the scar” wow, such insightful lyrics, this is the worst fucking cliched and generic Im14andthisisdeep type of lyrics I ever saw, then we get this fucking amazing words on the opening track “Game Over” that is literally just a word vomit, don’t believe me? Then look up to the fucking lyrics yourself, half the song is just M Shadows burping out whatever the fucking word of the day is, “Open, blurry, nurture, loving Crawling, walking, fleeting, glory Welcome, brother, stranger, bloody Ally, teacher, recess, buddy Secret, toothless, fairy, pillow Money, kissing, nervous, hero Warmly ordinary, Changes, hormones, high school, threesome Roll call, study, license, freedom Novice, flirting, first time, lover Party, fighting, wasted, summer Questions, doubtful, wedding, family Happy, ever, after, dead end Daily iteration” This is literally half the fucking song! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! HOW DOES A GROWN FUCKING MAN COME UP WITH SUCH A SHITTY SONG LIKE THIS?! “Give me a delete button, Delete!” yeah I WISH I COULD FUCKING DELETE THIS FROM EXISTENCE! And you know you have to truly run out of idea, WHEN YOU HAVE TO USE GUILE’S THEME FROM STREET FIGHTER AS A SAMPLE IN YOUR FUCKING SONG CALLED ORDINARY!!! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND AVENGED SEVENFOLD?! DID YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I WON’T FUCKING NOTICE IT?! DID YOU SERIOUSLY THINK FOR A FRACTION OF A FUCKING SECOND THAT YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH SUCH A BLATANT PLAGIARISM ?! If I was Capcom I would fucking sue. Plain and fucking simple, and with the album almost over and my rage ran out...mostly, how about we talk about the fucking instrument? Oh wait, there is nothing to talk about there, because the Instruments are fucking dead on this album, and when it’s not dead it’s fucking pretentious like all hell, trying to sound triumphant, sounding motivating, but only being a generic fucking Frank Sinatra rip-off by the second to last track Death, which is a fitting title considering this band is fucking Dead to me, the entire mixing is all over the place and nothing blends in together, nothing feels like it belongs there, nothing on this fucking album is made competently, but what the fuck did I expected from a band that tried to cash in on the pyramid scheme that is fucking NFTs? The Fucking Rev, is rolling in his grave from seeing what this band turned out to be, you made Bad Music and that much is fucking clear at this point, I don’t care if I look like an asshole saying this but fuck it, Avenged Sevenfold DIED with Jimmy Sullivan, The Stage was a simple fucking fluke, that aged about as well as a fucking Big Mac left in the fridge for 20 years, and im not even gonna fucking mention the instrumental closing track because MY PATIENCE HAS RAN OUT! And quite frankly, Fuck that Beethoven wanna-be fucking track, it can suck my dick for all I care.
In conclusion: THERE IS NO FUCKING CONCLUSION! THIS SHIT FUCKING SUCKS HORSE DICK! Life is but a dream? MORE LIKE LIFE IS BUT A FUCKING NIGHTMARE! Did they seriously think they can get away with this shit AGAIN?! IT DIDN’T WORK WHEN THEY FUCKING RIPPED OFF METALLICA AND WHAT NOT ON HAIL TO THE KING! AND IT SURE AS HELL DIDN’T WORK TO BE A FUCKING MR. BUNGLE T-PAIN VOIVOD CAPCOM WANNA-BE JACKASSES! Avant-Garde? WHERE THE FUCK IS THE AVANT-GARDE!? THIS IS THE FURTHEST THING OF AVANT-GARDE! JUST BECAUSE IT’S A FUCKING MESS IT DOESN’T MEAN ITS FUCKING AVANT-GARDE JUST IN THE SAME VEIN AS NOTHING IS FUCKING NINTENDO-CORE JUST BECAUSE IT HAS MIDI OR 8-BIT TUNES IN THEM! Game Over is a fucking AMAZING title because I wish this fucking album would have ended right on that stupid song, Mattel is also a fitting title because this is a fucking band trying to make their band a fucking brand in the same way Kiss or Metallica is a fucking brand at this point, I Wish Nobody would had to go through the fucking suffering that this shit is, when did peoples fucking standards went down this much?! I cannot for the life of me understand how the hell does this album have such a high as fuck rating when FUCKING METALLICA’S BLACK ALBUM IS RATED LOWER THAN THIS SHIT!!! And can I just ask who the fuck does this band love so much? Me?? Who the fuck is me?! WHO THE FUCK IS WE?! I don’t see anyone I know fucking acting like rabid dogs over something as shitty as this, I rather drink my own piss and cut my veins before I ever fucking classify myself as we or me or you by this band, If I could I would fucking steal a SpaceX rocket and send this fucking album into Cosmic with the hopes of this shit melting into the sun forever, I wanted to have a Beautiful Morning but Avenged Dickfold decided to fucking ruin it for me, it would be so much fucking Easier to just be lobotomized instead of paying any fucking attention to this band anymore, but since they are mainstream, here I am bitching and moaning like a fucking bitch in heat for a monkey to fuck, hopefully that fuck would be much better and it actually hits the G Spot instead of huffing and puffing like a pussy from getting tired after 2 minutes, I Have a new found Respect for Ordinary Man By Ozzy because while its not his best material, as well as even his latest album, I can respect him for still making the music he loves instead of phoning it in like Avenging Sevenfucktards did while also plagiarizing the shit out of everything, this band is fucking Dead to me, Death must have swung at them when they had the guts to make Hail to the King, I wish this was really just a dream, then again, Life is NOTHING But a fucking dream because DEAR FUCKING GOD I WISH THERE WAS AN ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE WHERE I LIVE AND THIS ALBUM DOESN’T EXIST THERE! I WISH I COULD FUCKING AVENGE THIS ALBUM IN SEVEN WAYS AND THEN JUST FOLD IT UP LIKE A NEWSPAPER SO MY DOG CAN TAKE A GIGANTIC FUCKING SHIT ON IT BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE LESS FUCKING DISGUSTING THAN TOUCHING THIS PIECE OF DIARRHEA WITH A 10 FOOT POLE, FUCK M SHADOWS, FUCK SYNYSTER GATES, FUCK EVERYONE WHO WORKED ON THIS ALBUM, FUCK YOU, FUCK THE CRITICS FOR ALLOWING THIS SHIT IN MUSIC, FUCK THE NFT BROS FUCK THE FANS FOR HAVING SUCH A LOW STANDARD TO HAVE THE GUTS AND RATE THIS HIGHER THAN THE FUCKING BLACK ALBUM! BY MOTHER FUCKING METALLICA!!! And last but not least, FUCK, THIS, ALBUM! I RATHER HAVE AN EAGLE CLAW MY EYES OUT, I RATHER HAVE SOMEONE STICK THEIR DICKS IN MY EARHOLES BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE LESS OF A BRAINFUCK THAN THIS SHITTY EXCUSE OF A MUSIC! NOT A SINGLE FUCKING PIECE OF ALCOHOL COULD NUMB THE PAIN I FEEL AFTER LISTENING TO THIS SHIT INDUCING ASS LICKING BALLS SUCKING DICK CHEWING CUMSTAIN OF A FUCKING PUSSY OF AN ALBUM LISTEN TO LITERALLY ANY OTHER ALBUM! LIKE I DON’T KNOW……..Terrasite? Yeah that one is a good album, listen to that one instead, as for this album? It’s the worst album of NOT JUST THIS YEAR! BUT THIS DECADE!
0 OUT OF FUCKING 5

I’ve been to the PFs in Anchorage Alaska, Biloxi Mississippi, Butler Pennsylvania, and Bowling Green Kentucky. To review, Bowling Greens was elite. It’s like if PF had a flagship location with the newer updated equipment and I’ve never been to one so packed. Also it’s….24hrs. That’s hard to find these days.

On my screen it looks normal and then when I send it. It does this I don’t understand

(All of my stuff is here)
Purifier was sitting outside of the lab, having decided to try her luck with one of the vending machines that was on the base. She was aware of what ships and humans ate, but there were some things that still boggled her (often underused) positronic brain.
At this point, her yellow eyes were fixed on one of the items in a vending machine that was imported from the Sakura Empire.
What was sparkling coffee? And more importantly, why was sparkling coffee?
The only way she was going to find out about that was by forking over the cash to find out herself, so she just resigned herself to the tyranny of money instead of just ripping the vending machine open herself. It’s not like it would hurt her to punch a speed hole into the machine, but that kind of thing did make other people upset with her and would lead to long, long lectures she didn’t want to sit through.
So, sparkling coffee it was.
It was just espresso mixed with carbonated water and some kind of fruit juice, so she didn’t see what the big deal was, trying to make it all fancy-sounding, so she drank it while squatting by the machine like the delinquent she liked to play at being.
It was then that her phone rang, and she grumbled to herself, as she wondered what Yuubari might suddenly want now.
Her eyes widened, and her pupils narrowed as her phone struggled to process the incoming caller, but eventually the Caller ID settled on something.
ANTIOCHUS GROUP ARMS LABORATORY
Her hand slowly raised the phone up to her ear. “Hello?”
“This is no time for pleasantries, Purifier.”
Purifier looked around. “Ummm… Sorry, I’m not interested in talking about my car’s extended warranty.”
“Purifier, this is no time for you to test my patience.”
Purifier stood up. “Uhhh… New phone who dis?”
“Purifier.”
Purifier squeaked. “All right, Alpha… First off, how did you even get this number?”
“You use it to secure your account on your InstaFans page. The one where you pretend to be a girl who’s cosplaying as Purifier in numerous… Compromising… positions… Why do you even have one of those, anyway?”
“My job is part-time and doesn’t pay that well. Girl’s got her get her top dollar somehow!”
Purifier smiled as she heard an exasperated sigh from the other end. “…There are serious matters to discuss, and I know you don’t mind talking when the right questions were asked. However, you gave your survival away when Tester was killed, because you are the only one who could have relayed that information to them. You have caused us a great deal of trouble.”
“I guess so!” Purifier said, with a smile. “It looks like you just sorta found out that the dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed! Yeah, I served up Tester for them on a silver platter, and don’t start acting high and mighty about it- This is what it took for you to start taking me seriously when you wouldn’t give me the time of day. And don’t act like you didn’t run me through the brain laundromat at least once!”
There was a moment of silence. “…You gave them that information when you knew that killing Tester was one of the possible results.”
“Naw.” She said. “I gave them that info because I knew they’d do it, and that it’d be one of the only things that’d wake you up. Did you ever stop and think about why the Anomaly and KAN-SEN found it so easy to pull the trigger on Tester? Do you even know what we have done to these people?”
There was silence at the other end, and Purifier had begun to wonder if Observer Alpha had hung up. But then, “…I would offer you a chance to return, but you know what awaits you if you come back. A fresh wipe and modifications to your program. Even if you have a change of heart, you can never return to us.”
“The chance of that is so fat that it needs its own mobility scooter.” She pouted. “Besides, I like it here more. Did you know about sparkling coffee?”
“I was aware.” Observer Alpha replied. “…You are determined to remain where you are?”
“There’s no bribe you can offer me to make me go back.” She said. “…Besides, I should be asking you and the others to come over here before things get ugly. No matter what Empress spouts out of her pie hole, even Zero will have nowhere to run once the hammer comes down.”
“You believe that Zero’s suspicions may be correct?”
“Yeah.” She said. “And the rest of you, especially the Tarot Tag Team, need to start thinking about what that means. Because if Zero is right, then it’s only a matter of time until we’re no longer daddy’s favorite, and you’re not going to be able to control the power Zero wants to let loose. If that happens, then you’re the ones who’re going to be the live-fire test subjects, and they’ll want to fire off a lot of rounds.”
“…Purifier. I managed to find the calculations Tester did. All of them were perfect- They accounted for every permutation of the combat scenario she devised. There wasn’t a single error- She accounted for all capabilities of every observed Kansen the Anomaly had available. Before I finish, know this- I do not believe the error that cost Tester her life lay in her math.”
“Oh?” Purifier went reading Alpha’s meaning immediately. She giggled. “All right, talk to you never, Dr. Octagonapus.”
The call ended.
----------
Purifier brought the results of her call directly to the commander. Or she would have, if she hadn’t gotten distracted along the way.
“Puri~” Went Anchorage. “…Oh, are you here to see the baby, too?”
“Nah, I was just going to talk to your teacher. Something came up that he’s gonna know about.”
“Oh…” Anchorage went, not knowing that Purifier was exercising every restraint to avoid calling Matilda “that little tit-sucker.” Anchorage perked up. “If you’re going to be here, maybe you could… see her anyway?”
Purifier looked into Anchorage’s eyes. It was very clear that this was going to be a package deal, and even Purifier couldn’t find it in herself to bully Anchorage, not the least of which was that the cruiser was only conditionally harmless. “I’ll be by after I’m done talking to teacher, all right?”
“All right~” Anchorage smiled and went on her habitually merry way.
The Siren made her way into the commander’s office, walking in like she was already invited. “Heeey, Anomaly! Before you say a thing, I’m not here for a social call. Got some news for you that you might want to hear.”
The commander looked up from his work- some report from that other officer that Purifier couldn’t be bothered to remember, so she thought of Albert as the king of delivery boys. “It’s not often that you volunteer information like this without being asked, so it must be something special.”
“Yep.” She put on a big smile as she sat on his desk. “I just got a call from my old boss, so here’s the deal…”
Before the commander could react, Purifier spilled the beans about everything that she talked about with Observer Alpha, leaving the commander to ask the obvious question. “…So, just what does Zero suspect?”
“That, Anomaly, requires a teaching lesson from professor Purifier. Unfortunately, I don’t have a sexy teacher outfit to give you this special lesson, buuuut we’re going to just have to make do.” She crossed her legs. “You see, what’s on Zero’s noggin is one of the reasons you have to work for a living.”
The commander nodded. “All right, so what is Zero, anyway?”
“Daddy’s favorite number one girl~” She said. “A living strategic computer that could think her way out of any scenario without fail. That is, until the enemy showed up, and for the first time in her life she went “BEEP BOOP DOES NOT COMPUTE” and that’s stuck in her craw ever since. Ninety percent of everything that’s happened is her trying to execute the boss’s directives. In fact, I kiiinda wonder if the boss is actually calling the shots any more.”
The commander nodded. “So, what does she suspect about the Kansen?”
“Wellll…” She smiled. “…You see, the cubes aren’t a new thing, Anomaly. Me, the research team, and even the Arcana Avengers are all powered by cubes- We were just given powerful android bodies and weapons that could make good use of the huge amount of power they made available. But you see, for us, they’re just a power source, but for the Kansen… Haha, Dr. Anzeel did a funny and somehow made them into the soul of the machine. And Zero has been keeping an eye on that, and thinks there might be more than meets the eye. Your girls have gotten buffer and hotter, but she thinks they can become far, far stronger than anyone else believes.”
The commander had one question. “How?”
“Apparently she believes in something called an “awakening”, where the cube and its carrier become perfectly synced. She said it was the perfect expression of will and genius, but it sounded like a whole bunch of hoo-hah to me. So, a lot of what she’s been doing figuring out how to scientifically make that happen with science, but no luck.” She stretched. “Aaaanyway, that’s all I’ve got for you for today, Anomaly, so good luck with that whole Anomaly thing you’ve got going on.”
The commander stopped working. “So, where are you off to now?”
“Hm?” She hopped off the desk. “Oh, promised Anchorage that I’d go see that spawn of yours with her.” She shook her head. “…Can’t say no to her or she’ll get all sad about it, and that’s not something I need on a Monday~”
The commander looked at his routine paperwork, then back at Purifier, and then he stood up from his desk. “…You know, I think I should probably see my own daughter, too.”
However, something did stick in the back of his mind. If Zero believed that Kansen could undergo some kind of awakening, it meant that some Kansen showed the properties of being able to achieve it, whatever it really was.
The question was… Who?
--------------
King George V looked up from her papers and smiled. She had decided to just sit down and review some reports from the Royal Navy in her daughter’s bedroom. Anchorage was happy with watching Matilda be a baby, but Dido’s usually low-level conniptions flared up once she saw Purifier come into Matilda’s room. “Ah! Master… Is it really all right for Purifier to be in here?”
Purifier pouted. “Hey! I’d have to be a real sack of…”
King George turned her intense red eyes on Purifier, frowned, and pointed at Matilda.
The Siren hurriedly corrected herself. “…I’d have to be real low to think kidnapping a baby would be a good idea. I’m not Tester, all right?”
King George smiled. “Indeed… Besides, Tester’s willingness, if lack of ability, to stoop that low turned out to be rather counterproductive for her. Anyway, it’s not a problem for Purifier to be here. After all, miss Dido, you are empowered to eject Purifier from the premises by any means desired if she acts unscrupulously, never mind the fact that I myself am present.”
“Ah, yes, your excellency.” Dido bowed to her and then to the commander. “I will be ready to do such a thing of mischief is afoot!”
Alex smiled. “You’ve never disappointed us, Dido, so don’t worry.”
“Uwaa…” Went Dido, blushing quite red.
Anchorage, however, was looking over the edge of Matilda’s crib. “Ah… So, this is the baby… Teacher says that they’re this small when they’re made, they don’t come out even as big as Little Bel.”
“Ahh…” Alex scratched the back of his head. “…I don’t think King George V would forgive me if it was the way Kansen worked.”
“Indeed, it was something of a feat to get her out when she was small.” King George looked over at the crib. “If she was larger, it would, at the very least permanently cure me of any desire to have another one.”
Anchorage giggled. “Puri, why don’t you say hello?”
“Wagbgb.” Went Matilda, having not yet mastered any recognizable language.
Purifier leaned over to have a look. “Hey there! It’s me, the prettiest android in the world.” She held out a finger. “You can touch, I’m tough.”
Matilda grabbed onto Purifier’s pale fingers before she turned to look at Alex and King George. “So, when do you plan to tell her that I’m a very bad girl who needed to be spanked?”
Alex shrugged. “When she starts asking questions about it, I guess. No need to do it before then. But we’re going to tell her.”
King George V nodded. “It might well be important for her to know that people can change for the better. It doesn’t always happen, certainly, and that desire for change must, at least in part, come from within. But it still can happen.”
Purifier carefully withdrew her finger once Matilda lost interest in it. “I think that’s enough baby time. Gotta do lab stuff or that fox over there will gnaw on me.”
Anchorage smiled. “Um… Puri… Teacher and his special lady had a baby by growing one inside of her, and I was made from cubes like all my other friends… But who made you?”
Purifier blinked. “Who made me? The guy who was our big boss or whatever, probably!”
Anchorage paused. “Oh, um… what was his name?”
Purifier needed to think about it. What was his name?
What was his name?
WHAT was his name?
What was HIS name?
WhaT wAs HiS NaME???
WHAT
WAS
HIIIIIS
NAAAAAAAAAMMMMEEE
Purifier suddenly pitched forward, slamming face-first into the floor of the bedroom. Anchorage’s eyes widened and she ran over to nudge the unresponsive girl. “Puri? Puri?”

“Doctor~!” Shouted the assistant as she bolted into the lab. She had long, black hair done in a ponytail, violet eyes, and a big smile that never seemed to leave. The young woman always skirted what was acceptable in the lab dress code, always wearing the shortest shorts that she could get away with, and always choosing whatever tops could turn the most heads without exposing an unacceptable amount of skin. Plus she had her own lab coat, so she met that requirement at least.
The head of the lab smiled at her, one hand in the pocket of his own white lab coat, the other hand holding a clipboard. “You have your own way of entering, but at least you’re on time.” The bespectacled doctor himself was someone who had aged very gracefully into middle age- even his short, white hair wasn’t enough to detract from the fact that he was tall and fit, and not even his stubble took away from his looks.
She giggled. “Can’t help making my classmates jealous, you know!”
The scientist adjusted his glasses. “Jealous? It’s not like working here is a vacation. You know that as much as anyone.”
The assistant smiled. “Come on, doc, you’ve heard what goes on around campus. You’ve got that real DILF energy that just makes some girls horrendously down bad.”
The scientist just stared at her for a moment. “…This… Is it a joke?”
“Naw!’ Her smile grew wider to the point that the doctor wondered what a look at his assistant’s anatomy might produce. “There was all kinds of talk about how they wanted to perform repeatable stress tests to determine the maximum thresholds of doc’s Bone Zone.”
His mouth fell open slightly, and he shook his head. “…You know, sometimes I have a hard time convincing other people that you’re as intelligent as I know you are. If I didn’t have proof that you designed that propulsion system…”
“Which you accepted!”
“Which I accepted.” He repeated. “You really have a knack for that kind of danger engineering.”
“Haha… I’m not just a pretty face and hot bod, doc! Besides… Anything I can do to help is something I’m going to do.”
The scientist smiled. “…I know. And since you’re a part of this lab, there’s something I’m going to want to show you. It took me some time to get permission for you to see what I’m about to reveal to you, so don’t get up to any mischief.”
“Sure thing, doc!”
The doctor unlocked one of the corridors in the lab with a special passkey. “You see, this lab has been working on the Antiochus Project- an integrated autonomous strategic system that can effectively run itself based on an artificial intelligence’s examination of broad directives and objectives given by its controlling parties. You’ve been working on some of the mechanics, of course, but that’s just on the margins.”
“So… You’re taking me to see the main event?”
“That’s about the size of it.” He began opening a series of heavy, thick, vault-like doors. “…Sorry if this whole security setup seems portentous, but this was a condition placed on us by our benefactors if our efforts bore any fruit. This won’t take much longer.”
“No probs! Sad as it sounds, I’ve got nothing else going on today.”
“…Right.” He said, as he opened the last door. The doors slid back to reveal what looked to be… A big, cozy bedroom with an intense laboratory setup right next to it. The whiplash of seeing those two things next to each other nearly made the assistant’s head spin, but what caught her attention was the… Girl? Sitting on the bed- her pale skin, her short, white hair, her bright blue eyes that moved this way and that… And that white, fluffy dress of hers.
The pale girl’s head immediately turned to look at the assistant. “Someone new.”
“Of course.” The doctor said. “This is my assistant, Purity, who has been working with us for a little while. Purity, this is Terminal Bastion Zero, the centerpiece of our project. Zero because she’s not a production model, and if that all just sounds like too much of a mouthful, you can just call her TB. Some people also call her Dreamweaver, but that’s more of an unofficial thing.”
“Heya TB!” Purity gave her a little wave. “So… What does she do? And why Dreamweaver?”
“In effect, she’s a living strategic computer that’s supposed to be at the center of a strategic system that will include other powerful androids of various kinds- combat, analysis, nearly any kind of autonomous unit can be integrated into her mission profile. As for Dreamweaver… You’ve heard of the 100 scenarios, right?”
“Yeah, it’s a bunch of really outlandish stuff that militaries train for.” She shrugged. “Zombie apocalypse, Care Bear Stare, all kinds of things like that.”
“Many of these have strategic versions.” He said. “Scenarios that are so enormous and calamitous in scope that it’s hard for humans to even begin to grasp the implications of their impact and progression. So far we’ve fed forty of those into her and she has been able to solve them all, and there’s no sign that the rest will pose any more of a challenge. A strategic mind that could only be imagined in centuries past, and now she’s sitting here in front of us. What do you think?”
Purity leaned over to get a good look into TB’s eyes. “…I wanna squish her cheeks.”
TB blinked. “For what purpose is this cheek squishing?”
“Because you’re cute, obviously!”
The doctor sighed. “…Please do not squish the cheeks of my unique and practically irreplaceable strategic computer.”
Purity pouted. “Not just a little?”
The doctor flipped a page on his clipboard. “I’ll write a bad performance for you right now.”
Purity huffed. “What?! Still not gonna stop me from wanting to squish cheek.”
The doctor cleared his throat. “When presented with an invaluable piece of prototype strategic equipment, the assistant couldn’t stop herself from handling it in improper and befuddling ways.”
“Aughhh… Fine!” She hmphed. “Besides, maybe she wanted it too…”
TB looked at Purity. “The action of squishing cheeks does not provide any service, nor does it assist in the performance of TB-Zero’s duties.”
Purity shook her head. “Well, you’re no fun. Like daughter like dad, huh?”
The doctor shrugged. “I wouldn’t exactly call TB my daughter. She has far fewer limitations than I do… I think there are far greater things ahead of her than I can even speculate on- Not that a scientist of any worth should allow themselves to be prone to unhealthy prognostications in the first place. Anyway, you’re going to have a bigger role in helping me from now on.”
Purity smiled, and winked. “Just leave it to me! After all, I’m Purity, Dr. Aoste’s number one assistant!”

Purifier shot straight up the moment she was awake. Anchorage had the presence of mind to carry her over to Yuubari’s lab- the girl must have figured out that Purifier was built somewhat differently from basically everyone else on the base.
Anchorage was looking at her with an immeasurable amount of concern. “Puri!... Um… Did I hurt you?”
The Siren shook her head. “Nah, you just asked me a really, really hard question.”
Yuubari nodded. “I’ll say. It over-excited even her core processing systems to the point of priority shutdown of motive and sensor functions. Still, there was also some other strange activity that was going on in there while I we were monitoring you.”
The commander looked over at the fox. “What kind of strangeness?”
Yuubari shrugged. “I’m hoping I’m not wrong, master, but there was a great deal of activity in data storage sectors that, on all other examination, should be blank.” Yuubari blinked. “…Did you remember something?”
“Huh?” She said. “Ahhh… Maybe, but I don’t know if I was remembering me or something that Alpha put in there. There was a name, maybe, Dr. Aoste or something.” She shook her head. “Prolly doesn’t mean anything to any of you.”
The commander shrugged. “It’s more than what we had before, at least.”
Anchorage tugged on the commander’s sleeve. “…Teacher, is Puri going to be okay?”
“I think she’ll be fine, Anchorage. I think she’s just starting to remember things that people tried really hard to make her forget.”
“Mmm!” Purifier jumped off the lab table. “Yeah, it’s going to take a lot more than falling flat on my face to put me down.” She looked at Anchorage. “Aaaanyway, I think I’m going to head to my room, and you’d better go back home, too. You probably have lessons to catch up on or something.”
Anchorage’s eyes widened to their fullest extent. “Ah… How did you know? No, wait… Everyone teaches me~” She giggled. “All right, but you can come over if you want, Puri.”
After Anchorage left, Purifier looked at the commander. “Can’t believe she asked me who made me, and no I don’t know if that doctor did it. Maybe had something to do with it, but… Aaahhh…” She shook her head. “Too much thinky.”
The commander nodded. “There’s no telling what those former comrades of yours have done to you. We’ll deal with it when it comes up again.”
“When!?” She went. “Ahhh… This kind of weird-ass cryptic stuff was always Alpha’s thing… Maybe she’ll take my advice and get while the getting’s good.”
The commander shrugged. “If this Observer Alpha feels like she needs to pack up and leave the Sirens, then she can always come here, but I don’t think the Sirens are at that point yet. As for you, I think you should just continue helping Yuubari, since she can do the most if you blow another gasket.”
Purifier huffed. “What, my brain goes kablooey and I get a weird dream from being asked a very personal question and all of you are acting like it’s important? That’s…” She paused. “…Really sensible, if this was an anime!”
The commander sighed. “…I don’t think you appreciate how strange my life has gotten since I came here.”
“Ugh, fine.” Purifier crossed her arms. “Stupid prophetic bullshit…”
The commander shook his head. Whatever was going on, Purifier was going to be herself.

Game Information

Game Title: Loop8: Summer of Gods
Platforms:

• PC (Jun 6, 2023)
• Nintendo Switch (Jun 6, 2023)
• Xbox One (Jun 6, 2023)
• PlayStation 4 (Jun 6, 2023)

Trailer:
Developer: Marvelous Inc.
Publisher: XSEED Games
Review Aggregator:
OpenCritic - 62 average - 30% recommended - 10 reviews

Critic Reviews

But Why Tho? - Abdul Ahmad - 4 / 10

While Loop8: Summer of Gods is a JRPG that has an interesting concept and some genuinely good features, the game is unfortunately bogged down with poor optimizations, questionable gameplay decisions, and a very painful combat system.

Final Weapon - Alex Patterson - 3 / 5

Loop8: Summer of Gods is a unique and memorable game that unfortunately falls victim to some severe balancing issues. Unfortunately, an intriguing world and likable characters are not enough to make this a great experience. While it may appeal to some, JRPG fans looking for a unique challenge may want to look elsewhere.

Generación Xbox - Alejandro Serrador - Spanish - 78 / 100

In a rural environment, in the heart of the universe, inconsequentiality, existential emptiness, lack of values, deep dissatisfaction reign... On the edge of the most absolute abyss, without any direction or anchorage that gives us security, Loop8: Summer of Gods invites us, in the old way, to face that looped piece that deals with the destruction and reconstruction of things. In this regard, slowing down its execution to get out of it, without additional iterations.

LadiesGamers.com - Yvonne van Geloven - Liked

Playing Loop8: Summer of Gods, I debated about which rating to give. Often I know even from the start which way my verdict will go, but not so this time. At first, the town felt so barren, and I often felt like I was just clicking away. Suggesting as much as I could towards everyone I met. Eventually, I began to see how I should play the game, paying more attention to relationships and whose friendship I wanted the most. Plus, I did my best to max my stats with activities.
I liked the battles; I would have loved more of them, not just on the days that the gate to the underworld was open. But what made me keep on doubting my verdict was the feeling of being an outsider. Sure, I tried to get closer to my classmates by making the right suggestions, but I would have loved more real background stories and feeling. When I suggest “Get to know better”, I really want to know the person!
I am going for I Like It, as I feel Loop8: Summer of Gods has more potential. To get the A Lot added to the I Like It, I would have needed more fleshed-out characters to relate to, making forming an emotional bond less a matter of clicking away and more of really wanting to know them more!

Niche Gamer - Matt Kowalski - 8.5 / 10

Loop 8: Summer of Gods is an enjoyable game but it is not for everyone. If you are a fan of strong narratives, then we’d recommend picking it up. If you are a fan of traditional JRPGs then it might be better to watch some gameplay first. If you don’t like a challenge or repetitive gameplay, then we suggest avoiding it.

Nintendo Life - George Yang - 5 / 10

While Loop8's story has the potential to be incredibly interesting, it never really lands and fails to leave an emotional impact towards the end. It's all presented beautifully and has a unique mix of gameplay styles and ideas, but their repetitive and frustrating nature makes the whole experience a chore. It's like toiling away at your summer job and going through the motions until it's time to leave.

NookGaming - Thomas Knight - 5 / 10

Loop8: Summer of Gods has an interesting concept and some great characters that give a good reason to play it. My first impressions were actually quite positive and if my review was based on the first ten hours, it would probably be a 7/10 due to the great character moments and idea of growing stronger through loops. Unfortunately, the issues with gameplay and systems that came to light over the full forty-five hours it took to complete, and the method of storytelling make it difficult to outright recommend.

Push Square - Jenny Jones - 5 / 10

A good time loop mechanic is supposed to give you enough variety so that repetition doesn't set in. Unfortunately, this is where Loop8 falls flat. You’ll be going over the same conversations and they’re just not interesting enough to make it worthwhile. It also doesn’t help that there’s only a small variety of enemies, and that the underworld is mostly just the town with a different colour palette. It's hard not to get annoyed when you realise that you’re still not strong enough to take out the next boss, and have no choice but to repeat the last few weeks.

RPG Site - Cullen Black - 4 / 10

Loop8 is a game full of great ideas that never comes together.

The Outerhaven Productions - Scott Adams - 3.5 / 5

Loop8: Summer of Gods has a very interesting premise with stunning visuals and amazing music. The creativity in the game can hold back other parts of the mechanics.