Neuromd device for back pain reviews

My 10 year old Pomeranian has been sick for 4 weeks now and we can’t seem to find a diagnosis. I’ve been to the emergency clinic and to an internal medicine specialist, who said this is a head scratcher. Hoping someone can give me some ideas..
10 year old Pomeranian neutered male that went through acute chronic pancreatitis; His liver values and blood panel came back as a healthy dog, but he is still struggling to move and breathe. Ultra sound came back with no fluid in the abdomen, but he did have some scarring on the pancreas.
Symptoms: - extremely lethargic - struggling to move around - showing signs of pain in the upper back - black stool (melena) - had a temporary bout of diarrhea - extreme hunger - excessive drinking and urinating - panting - drooling - star gazing, staring at the ceiling - sudden cloudy eyes - tight or bloated abdomen
Vet recommended that he stay on an ultra low fat diet, so we switched his food to hills science I/d digestion food. I also bought digestive enzymes and feed that with his meals. He seems to have more of an appetite with this diet, but constantly begs for more food.
How can I help him feel more comfortable?

At e-spine hospital, They offer non-surgical treatment options for hip pain. The team of experts specializes in providing comprehensive care to alleviate hip pain and improve your quality of life. Here's a short note on our non-surgical hip pain treatment:
the Hip Pain Treatment Non-Surgical at e-spine hospital focuses on conservative approaches to relieve pain, enhance mobility, and restore functionality without the need for surgery. Our dedicated team of orthopedic specialists, physical therapists, and pain management experts work together to create personalized treatment plans tailored to your specific needs.

1. Accurate Diagnosis: They begin with a thorough evaluation and diagnostic process to identify the underlying cause of your hip pain. The experts utilize advanced imaging techniques and clinical assessments to determine the precise source of discomfort and develop an individualized treatment approach.
2. Medication Management: The experienced physicians will prescribe appropriate medications to manage pain and reduce inflammation associated with hip conditions. These may include nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), analgesics, or corticosteroid injections, depending on your specific condition and needs.
3. Physical Therapy: The skilled physical therapists design tailored exercise programs to improve hip joint flexibility, strengthen supporting muscles, and enhance overall mobility. Through targeted exercises, manual therapy techniques, and specialized equipment, they aim to reduce pain, improve range of motion, and restore normal function.
4. Assistive Devices: They may recommend assistive devices such as crutches, canes, or walkers to relieve weight-bearing pressure on the affected hip and promote stability. The team will guide you on the proper use of these devices to ensure optimal pain relief and mobility.
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At e-spine hospital, they are dedicated to providing non-surgical hip pain treatment options that are personalized, effective, and focused on improving your overall well-being. The team is committed to helping you regain mobility, reduce pain, and restore your quality of life.

Hey everyone
I am requesting for any of the Monster Hunter games on steam - Monster Hunter World / Monster Hunter Rise. Both are on sale currently.
I have heard great things for the Monster Hunter franchise and how it is loved by gamers of all age groups solo / online. Unfortunately I haven't had a chance to experience any of the games yet. I have watched reviews and video essays on the series and below are the reasons why I think it will be fun for me -
Vast and Immersive World: I love games that are immersive and offer exploration without waypoints. The Monster Hunter series is known for its expansive and richly detailed worlds. Exploring these environments, discovering new creatures and uncovering hidden secrets sounds something from a dream world.
Epic Monsters: The game's focus on hunting huge monsters is a major draw . I love games with epic boss fights and the battle with these mythical creatures seems exciting.
Progression: I love games that reward players for grinding. Not necessarily loot oriented games just to increase a few numbers but with some impact on gameplay. Monster Hunter series is known for its depth and progression systems. The continuous grind to improve gear is bound to keep me engaged for hours.
Why I can't buy it myself ?
I made the switch from ps4 to pc last year and I am currently saving up for a new monitor ( my 4 year old benq gw2480 monitor is showing issues ), which is an essential requirement for my work and gaming. Unfortunately, this means that I am unable to afford new or relatively new games at the moment ( even at sales ). I am from India and computer parts and games are heavily taxed and a luxury for most people ( also due to the lower salary). Most new games cost very high here and rarely are games on regional pricing. My last gaming purchase was Deep Rock galactic last September ( for 300 rs ~4 $ ).
Thanks to this wonderful community, I won Resident Evil 2 couple months back and have completed two playthoughs of the game as well. I plan to revisit it after some gap for 100% which seems quite challenging ( and fun ) due to Hardcore S rank achievements.
https://steamcommunity.com/id/SheriffSurfs/
Thanks for reading! Also anyone who wants can add me on steam, for a friend to play with or just talk to! <3

Strahd's goals are basically (1) marry Ireena, (2) kill RVR, (3) get his diary back, (4) find new suitors to become a potential consort or heir.
Wedding invitations have already been sent for my campaign (don't worry; if my players don't stop the wedding the Dark Powers will).
Strahd has asked them, at various points, to return the Tome, bring RVR's head, and/or be adopted into a family of tremendous wealth and power as his heir. So far, my players have turned these offers down... Except the orphan/urchin halfling rogue. He's actually entertaining the idea of having two dads (Strahd, Escher) and three/four moms (Anastrasya, Ludmilla, Volenta, Ireena) as a huge improvement over zero parents.
The "adoption" ceremony would of course require the sharing of blood. What bonds a family more than blood? And what better way to share blood than a little bite on the neck?
I have made it clear to my players that if they contract vampirism or lycanthropy their character sheets are mine. I did concede that I would be willing to negotiate if they became vampires or werecreatures WILLINGLY (e.g. not in combat), and it told a good story, but that they will lose significant amounts of free will and endure tremendous pain in the process of transformation.
Anyway, I wanted to know if anyone else had their players accept these kinds of deals. I think many parties give up Ireena or RVR as bargaining chips, and some give up the Tome as well. But to give up themselves as a consort or heir... That's different.
Did your players become Strahd's consorts or heirs? How did it go?

I've been experiencing sleep paralysis for 10+ years. I used to have this dementor-esque figure attack me almost every night when I was 16-17, but I did a ritual to "return to sender" essentially and haven't seen it since.
I'm 26 now and still experience extremely terrifying sleep paralysis (I woke up an hour ago from an episode that I was having a seizure in and had to bull my blanket out of my throat to breathe) and I just want it to stop. I wake up in physical pain and can't fall back asleep for hours, if at all.
Does anyone have any advice on this? Anything helps.

I already know what I did wrong to betray their trust. I know that they’re hurting because of me and that with time I’ll become nothing to them. I am not here to ask how I can come back from this, so I won’t go into the details of what happened.
I want to know how to process the grief after seeing myself blocked on everything. Just completely removed. I know I deserve it entirely. We actually wished each other well in life, so I already knew it was going to happen. But I still felt so shocked. In a way, this is better for both of us so we can both move on but… it hurts. And I deserve it. I have this pattern of self-destruction and I hurt the people I become romantically involved in. I hate my entire being right now. It was a wake up call that I need to change, but I can’t help but want to talk to them.
Has anyone here received the door slam? What did you do to process what happened? How did you improve yourself? What made the pain go away and how long did it take?
I know that I am the one in the wrong, but I really need any words of comfort right now. I’ve socially isolated myself and my thoughts are becoming dark.

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TLDR: How to know when limited breathing is an emergency
Hey guys, I got diagnosed earlier this year and the x-ray said my spine hasn't fused so that's good!
The thing is, I recently ( last month) started humira (biologic) so I was excited abt that. They told me it would take about 6 weeks to reach the full effect, so I'm trying to be patient.
However, a problem I hadn't had since the winter has come back, namely my chest expanding less and less. I literally get dizzy from not being able to breathe when I'm at work, and there's barely any relief when I lay with the top of my spine arched so my chest can open up. If I fall asleep that can help, but sometimes I wake up and I'm still struggling to breathe.
My back pain has also continued to get more extreme when it does show up at the end of the day. I am still having spasms in my lower back which make me nauseous from pain, but this is less often than the breathing issue.
Anyway, I realized that I don't really know what the limit is for when I should go to urgent care or anything. I had no idea that it even could affect my breathing (never heard of AS until I was diagnosed) until I looked it up and I'm kind of nervous about it. Just got new insurance a few days ago and scheduled to see my arthritis specialist (from where I lived in the winter) in a couple weeks. They offered for me to come in today (scheduled yesterday) but I didn't have a way to get there.

Hello, guys. I'm pretty illiterate about tech stuff, so I need your help. I've had 6 occurences of BSOD since 30.04. The first time the % count was stuck at 0. After resetting my laptop it kept crashing. The next day it got better. But, as I said, it happened again, 5 times and counting. This last time I got a message of "no bootable device" when I tried to restart my laptop, which freaked me out. But after that windows started ok. I decided to backup some stuff I (thankfully) had already backed up in my 1st HD, but my laptop keeps crashing when I try to do it.
I believe the problem is with my HDD because I had some notifications asking to check it for repairs. I have no idea how to interpret the dump files, so here is the link, if you guys can help me: https://www.mediafire.com/file/txhr56sa0l7n3px/Minidumps.7z/file / https://www.mediafire.com/file/m9cges8465b0ivp/MEMORY.7z/file I've also run CrystalDiskInfo, which says, in yellow: "Reallocated Sectors Count: 98 (Current), 98 (Worst), 36 (Threshold). From a quick google search this seems to confirm the HDD is failing. Edit: it also says CAUTION and 1584 Reallocated Sectors Count.
What do you guys think? I've already placed an order for a new HDD and SSD (which will ship when I pay it), but I want to be sure my HDD is the problem before spending my money. Thanks in advance!

I had an abdominal hysterectomy 4 months ago and it was a rough surgery. I got an infection and it took a long time for the pain to go away.
A few weeks ago, I thought I was pretty much healed because I hadn't felt pain in a month or so. I did a serving job for one day and I've had a dull chronic pain ever since.
I have endometriosis on the ovaries (they were not removed) so I don't know if it's just a flare up or scar tissue or if it could be serious.
I finally called my doctor but I'm still waiting to hear back from her.
Anyone else experience this?

Hey all, I have been seriously stalking this thread for a month straight and I found peace in seeing a positive story once in a while so I thought I would try and do the same for someone else.
You will find yourself really contemplating even opening this sub because it may make you feel worse reading stories of people who haven’t gotten over their ex in a year and you’re sitting day 2 of no contact wondering how you will ever continue life ever again with the feeling you have in your stomach and unable to hold yourself together.
Let me tell you this sub is sometimes exactly what you need because what I found was seeing people go through exactly what you are going through gives a sort of peace. My advice to you who feels like you’re dying inside :
Understand you are not alone. You may feel like keeping everything in or suppressing your feelings is the right thing to do. This is false. As hard as it is to talk about your break up with others … you need to do it. Talk to your mom, dad, friends … talk to them all as fast as you can. Pour your heart out! You will feel so good and liberated after the fact. You will feel happy for a good bit of time. You will get advice from them that will solidify what you already know. Hang out with a friend for the whole day and do activities and talk to them about your ex. Trust me.
You need to eat. You need to shower. You need to sleep. You need to talk care of yourself so you can properly heal. If you aren’t eating and your stomach hurts you will feel so much worse then if you take care of yourself properly. You need to force yourself because this was vital for me. You need to not let this person have control over your life.
Do not force feelings away or try to not think about them … when you’re sad and will do anything to remove that feeling I would recommend just sitting there and turning on a sad song so you actually cry. Feel the pain. It’s normal and the more you get used to it the easier it becomes to handle.
What I found was my heart and my mind had different feelings … I know in my head that I wasn’t meant for that person and we weren’t ever going to workout. My heart is telling me to call them or show up at their house to beg for them back. You may wake up in the morning and want to call them or break no contact …. Try not to do it for AS LONG AS POSSIBLE and if the feeling is just overwhelming and you still want to call them or beg for them back… you do it .. call them … spam their phone … pour your heart out and tell them you will do whatever they want to get them back because you love and miss them so much. You will probably cry typing the message. You will send it and hear 3 outcomes …. 1. They don’t answer and you wish you unsent the messages faster because you realized you don’t actually want them back. 2. They answer and rehash everything they left you for and why you suck pretty much or why it wouldn’t work out and you’ll IMMEDIATELY regret reaching out. 3. They take you back and youre back on this sub sometimes in the near future for the same issues. So trust me. The faster you accept reality the better for you. You may be thinking the person typing this is fucking crazy and he doesn’t know my situation but I can assure you we probably felt similar at one time. I am just a little further along.
I can go on forever but I would practice what is called “ mindfulness “. You need to live in the present and stop thinking about the future or past. If you find yourself thinking about the future or past. Tell yourself “today is a new day, I will be okay”.. say this out loud until you stop thinking about your ex. Each morning when you get up … get something to eat. Then take out a piece of paper and write what you need to do today. Example (10-11 - Breakfast) (11-12 clean up kitchen) (1-5 hang out with friendget food) (5-6 - shower) .. & so on… check them off each time you complete it. The day will fly by. I would also recommend a 30 minute walk everyday. Just do it.
Really sit there and think what relationship you want. Sit there and dissect your past relationship.. what you feel you did wrong and what you feel she did wrong. Realize you made mistakes and realize you aren’t perfect. Whatever your ex did wrong .. tell your friends and family and see what they say. Understand what went wrong so you can learn and fix it for next time. One day you will wake up and laugh at what you put up with and will know what NOT TO DO FOR YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP. To succeed you must fail once in a while.
Anyway I hope this helps someone out there who is struggling. You get through this. Don’t think you’re feeling isn’t valid and do not force yourself to think otherwise but do not let it control your entire day!!!!! FORCE YOURSELF! Go to the gym. Read a book.
Lastly for the people who want their ex back. You need to follow all the steps above anyway because you cannot have the old relationship back and you both need to heal fully so each person can forgive one another. You need a new relationship with them if you want to succeed both parties need to be on the same page about what there is to change. Heal yourself … it’ll take time. It’s not instant. (Answer : This option will result in you not wanting your ex back.)

This is going to be a long rant sorry. I'll put the tl;dr here at the start. Spent years complaining to different doctors about symptoms, got consistently different answers. Had a positive pregnancy test 2 weeks ago. 5 days ago rushed to the ER with debilitating cramps and sudden severe bleeding. Roughly 8 hours later was told I lost the baby due to being rh - and oh, I have pcos. In addition to all of that, I feel like no one is helping or educating me on what is wrong with me.
Long version:
Heavy periods were normal in my family. Most of my periods since late teenage years had been heavy and lasted long. I'd been to doctors and was told as long as they came around the same day and lasted about the same time, it was still normal. I rarely have cramps during my periods, and aside from occasionally having extremely heavy flow days or maybe a slightly longer bleeding cycle, it didn't bother me much.
At 19 I had a chemical pregnancy. My then boyfriend (now husband) and I went apple picking in the hills; this was a big deal because it was our first "trip", almost 2 hours from our home town. I had missed my period but only by maybe five days and was excited that our sort of big date wouldn't be ruined by aunt flow. Half way there she showed up anyways... or at least I thought that what was happening. I had mild cramps which was strange but the bleeding didn't stop. I was going through a super tampon and pad roughly every half hour. We made it to the hills, and within 20 mins left. I was too embarrassed to tell him why I needed to go home and blamed it on feeling incredibly sick. What really happened was I had sneezed, and even though it had been maybe 15 mins since I had switch my tampon and pad it gushed so badly that I bleed through my jeans.
I went to the doctor the next day. Found out it was a chemical pregnancy. They did all the "regular tests" to see if there was anything else wrong. Everything came back negative. I was given meds and told to let nature take its course.
Around 22 I started battling my weight. I am 5 foot 1. My healthly weoght is between 115 and 125 lbs. I always did sports so I spent most of my teen years around 130/135, majority ot being muscle weight from the years of softball, swim team, and polo.
My eating habits hadn't changed. But I suddenly kept gaining weight and couldn't lose it. I though maybe it was because I no longer did Phys Ed classes and stopped doing sports. I didn't think I'd hit 165 in just a few months, but assumed it was my fault. I dieted like crazy, started hiking 2 hrs a day, and was able to lose most of the weight and sit comfortably around 145. I never got back to my ideal/healthy weight though. I brought this up to doctors and was told it was my metabolism aging. It was normal. It happened. I just had to adjust my lifestyle and make the best of it.
Shortly after, mostly because I kept demanding answers, I went to an OB who told me I had fibroids. It felt good to get an answer after years of frustration. I tried different birth controls, which helped but also caused other unwanted side effects. More weight gain. Mood swings. Decreased sex drive. Depression. Nothing seemed to be worth it. So I stopped and focused on living as health as I could. Not dieting but chosing better options and eating less. Starting jujitsu. Keeping up with hiking. Things seemed to be balancing out.
At 23 I was in a bad car crash. I was tboned on my driver's side by someone who was trying to turn left into a gas station, going 45 mph. After a couple of days at the hospital, frontal lobe damage, cracked skull,, broken bones, and other minor exteral damage, I fell into a terrible depression. My wrist was shattered so badly that I was in a cast for 9 months. I couldn't exercise. I was always in pain. And almost overnight I went from a healthy-ish (not what I should be at but what I was comfortable at) 145lbs to 165 lbs. Not actually over night but in about a month and a half. I was barely eating because the meds I was on made me so nauseous and completely zoned out. I was stuck inside due to the concussion I had and I was stuck in bed due to other injuries. The bleeding got worse. But I was told it was just the fibroids flaring up.
My periods got worse. They started lasting longer. They were more frequent. I would get one week off and then three or four weeks of bleeding. One time it was a solid 3 months of almost non stop bleeding. I did blood work. Pelvic exams. Went to the OB, my primary care doctor. Moved to a new state. Got a new OB.
At this point my weight gain had gotten even worse. I somehow would drop 10 lbs and gain 10 lbs and then drop 5 and gain 15 over the course of a month. My once thick hair had gotten so thin. It was falling out in clumps. I had bald spots. It was snapping off in places. I did hair masks, oils, viviscal pills. Nothing seemed to help. My depression and anxiety was also getting worse, but after taking pills to feel numb I tried to focus more on natural fixes. Sam-E, holistic supplements, healthy eating.
I told this to my new OB. They did thyroid tests. Diabetes tests. Cancer tests.
And the answer was always, well it's more common than you think to flux in weight. Your blood work looks fine. Sometimes women get heavy periods due to stress. Hair loss is natural with age. Maybe you should change your diet. Work out more.
It was exhausting.
Fast forward to 2023. I got married after 10 years of being with my now husband. We were finally ready to start a family and trying for kids. My OB gave me the all clear, said we shouldn't have anything to worry about. My fibroids hadn't been flaring up. My periods were fairly regular. My dedication to getting healthy was paying off. As strenuous as it was, it was getting results.
I worked hard, lost about 25lbs and got down to 170 last year.
Things were getting better, I was working my ass off. After 5 years I found the strength to join jits again. Even though I had pain and had to be careful with my.old injuries I worked hard to keep up.
Life was getting better.
I've always wanted to be a mom. Since I was little.
When I got that positive test after 5 months of trying it was the happiest day of my life. It had been about 7 weeks from my last period. I had had some light cramping. A day of pink spotting. I could smell things like a blood hound.
The soonest appointment we could get with my OB was a week after the positive test, but I didn't care. I was so happy.
I had adjusted my diet. Fought my sugar cravings and ate only completely natural sugars like fruit. I focused on nutritional food. I did light exercise. I took prenatal, and stopped drinking caffeine. I tried to do everything right.
At the OB the ultrasound didn't look great. They couldn't see much, but confirmed the thick wall was there, and it looked healthy. My blood test came back with healthy levels of p and hcg.
Friday the cramps started. Saturday the spotting started. The cramps got worse. Sunday was the worst day of my life bare none. The cramps pain was unbearable. The bleeding was mind blowing. I was going through 4 super plus tampons in an hour. The pads were the only thing keeping me from bleeding through my clothes every 15 mins.
We spend from about 1:30pm til about 9pm in the ER. I knew at this point what the news was going to be. Blood work was first. It confirmed almost nonexistent levels of HCG. I was told i was rh negative and my body rejected the baby, but i couldnt leave yet. Pelvic exam was next. They couldn't give me any answers on why they were keeping me or what else was wrong. After the ultrasound we waited about 3 hours for results. I was told I couldn't leave because they were concerned I might have twisted an ovary and needed surgery.
The news I got back was a million times worse. Both ovaries were covered in a large amount of tiny cysts. I was told I have pcos. Well they were almost certain it was pcos.
I asked questions buy got very few and vague answers. I was told to go to my OB appointment that I had already scheduled for my 7 week pregnancy follow up. I would learn more there.
I went to my appointment yesterday. Again got very few answers.
I was told more tests needed to be run, and it was hard to do while I was in the process of having a miscarriage. It was probably pcos. I would need to come back in 3 weeks, when I should be ovulating again. I could find out more then.
I feel so lost. I did my own research and finally things started to make sense.
The symptoms were lining up. Things I never even considered being related to each other.
The obvious ones were irregular periods, thinning hair, difficulty losing weight.
However it was the smaller symptoms that made it all click. My sleep habits had gotten very poor. I had trouble falling and staying asleep. I had darkening skin in my elbows, knees, armpits, private areas. Headaches which seemed to get worse around my ovulation time. Unexplained fatigue.
I feel so hopeless. I feel like no one is helping me. No one is guiding me on how to treat this. Or what to do. My concerns were being brushed off by medical professionals. Most of the information I have I found myself after my ER visit. I feel alone, and defeated, and just tired. I've been unable to muster any energy to do much other than get up, go to work, eat a little, and sit/lay in bed. I know it has a lot to do with the miscarriage, which has been hard, but I feel like the pcos diagnosis has just crimpled me mentally to a point where I don't even know how to function anymore.
Thanks for letting me rant. It feels better being able to put into words these feelings. I'm trying to stay strong and not show this side to my husband. He took the news just as hard, if not worse, than I did.
For those who made it this far, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Where do I go from here....

I hope I don’t jinx myself by writing this, but I’m on day 4 post-surgery and my experience has been nothing like what people are describing here. I’m astounded that 10+ days post-surgery, people make it seem like they are down for the count. For reference, I got my bottom two wisdom teeth removed (both impacted) with IV sedation. Male, 28 yo. I took two days off from work post-surgery and honestly didn’t feel I needed it—I’ve gone to work feeling much worse in the past. There really has been no pain or swelling—more soreness than anything. Eight hours post-surgery I went to the local gas station to pick-up a milkshake (not the best idea, I know, but I live alone and really wanted something cold and filling). My diet for the first two days has consisted of mashed potatoes and milkshakes (no straw!), but on day 3, I had some bbq mac n cheese and tomato soup for dinner and was a bit sore, but again, no pain.
I typically work out 5-6 times a week and have been itching to get back into my routine, but I’m playing it safe. I feel like I could work out, but with how intense I get, I could see how it may upset my mouth.
Next week, I have a vacation scheduled to the beach for a few days (which I scheduled before my surgery) and am still planning on going. (Hopefully, I can eat a bit more by then, even if it’s not the crunchy stuff. I hope on using a straw too since my surgeon said I should be in the clear after day 7.)
I don’t say this to brag, but rather provide another perspective for anyone with an upcoming surgery who may be doom scrolling through this Reddit. For anyone who is struggling post-surgery, I am sorry and hope your pain ends soon.

For the past 6 years or so, I have had one dream. I remember it well as it is the only one I have. It always proceeds the same way. The ending may change slightly, as well as the setting, but it is always the same. Today however, I had a different one. The cruelest of dreams.
You see, I look forward to that same dreary and desolate place my mind would find every night after consciousness finally leaves me so very much. It is simple and will not take long to describe.
I walk. That is all I do. I walk in fields of freshly bloomed flowers. I walk on the warm sand. I walk on a plain of white. I walk in the dark with nothing but the light from far away stars. I walk as everything blurs around me. I walk while all else is still. I walk in silence. I walk with a barely audible murmur. I walk over the softest fabric. I walk over ancient rock. I walk to wonders. I walk past history, past the now, toward whatever each step is leading to in the future. I walk clothed. I walk naked. I walk and I feel the air brush by me with a caress. I walk and feel nothing. I walk through storms. I walk through wars. I walk past births. I walk past deaths. I walk through memories. I walk alone though. Always. And all I feel is happiness, joy, peace, freedom. And whole.
The ending comes one of a few ways. I just stop and the dream ends. Consciousness returns as does the pain. Or, suddenly there is a mirror appearing in front of me. My own visage howling and cackling with the most evil of laughs. Then my doppelganger suddenly stops his taunt and smiles. The consciousness returns as does the pain. There are a few others but I won’t subject you to those.
And so the day begins. A blur like my dream. Only now the happiness and freedom have gone. Now it is just the pain that rules my reality. I cannot hide from it. Cannot stop it. It blinds me. I can dull it briefly sometimes but it always returns. As it always will, every second in my reality, until the day my heart stops and my brain dies. The pain is the last thing I will feel in that instant. And each day it gets worse.
As in my dream I just walk. From here to there. From there to here. Walking to do this thing I must in a world I wish to escape for that one reason. Walking so someone else doesn’t have to. It is what we all do. We all take each step with some type of pain, somewhere. I go through my day in a fog. Every movement brings more pain. And with each step the weight presses down harder. Tiring me to the point that I start to look forward to when my body gives up and I am back in my dream.
So it was last night as I made that unaware transition from one reality to another. In that semi-conscious fugue between awake and asleep, I think I smiled as I usually do knowing what I may get to experience.
I was myself but at a different time and place. That immediate urge to start walking and get to those feelings I usually have was not there. I was in a world my mind had put together that I was familiar but it was different. It was concentrated. I could see my pasts. So many of them. I could see them so clearly. Not as some vaguely obscure thing I would usually see as I began my walk. Or as I walked past. Not this time. All connected. As if a tour had been arranged for only me.
It wasn’t just the places that were clear. The faces. I actually could see their faces. Friends, family, loves. They weren’t smudges on a camera lens here. They were laughing, talking, living their lives. I could hear words, though I cannot recall them now. I could hear their conversations, crying, yelling, kind encouragement, singing and all those moments each of us hold onto. I could see all this in that moment. This place my mind had made for me this time.
Then I moved. I walked from each little bubble of remembrance to the next. To some of the happiest times in my life to some of the saddest. But in all of them. they were there with me. I can even remember what it was like to shake their hands or hug them or bump into them as you do when you are standing about. I can see the smiles I have such fond memories of. Hear the tone of their voices. See the way they carried themselves. All as I had remembered it in my past. Before I knew it, I wasn’t just walking to walk in peace but living. Or reliving to be more apt. The warmth growing in my chest was indescribable.
I spent eons there last night. All the highs and lows of my life were open to me, even if it was just in this one brief moment I allowed myself. Happiness and joy accompanied by sorrow and pain. But all of this was ok because I wasn’t alone on this journey this time. To be able to see their faces, hear their voices and see their life was buoyant.
I was running through one of my favorite times. It was somewhat controlled chaos on a weekend night. I could feel the bass pumping from the DJ. The crowd was frenzied and joyous as it always was. My family was there. We were all working as one. Not one of us hid the smile on our faces. We all knew those times were something special. That even in the worst parts, we all had each other. I had never, nor to this day, been a part of that. It truly was unique. And I had been a part of it.
This was the last part I want to remember. When I said all those people were there, it was not an exaggeration. Everyone who has been a part of my life. They were all there but there were no differences, no motives, no reason for this, since it was a dream. But that’s how my mind presented it to me. Everyone who I cared about, learned from, chaste or chastised by, friend or foe, those I loved and those I have lost. They were all there. No enmity, no anger, no hate. Just all there enjoying this false moment my mind had built.
I remember the end clearly. In fact it is the only thing I can still see in detail. I remember a voice starting to yell from the other room. I was in a back stockroom taking a break and having a beer. The floor was that kind of polished well worn concrete that is as smooth as polished granite. It is grayish brown. It was cool and the shelves were stocked. I remember being fixated on the floor for some reason because there was nothing in the middle of the room.
The yell turned to a scream. The rest took place in a sort of slow motion. I was moving like normal but with each step, that world my mind had created started to change with each panicked stride I took. Edges became duller and duller, less defined. The Modello bottle I had tossed was sliding and spinning across that floor but had not broken. I watched as the concoction inside foamed out but could see time slow the spread of the spill. I can see each bubble start to form. I see the color of the floor change as the now glacially moving spill became just a blur along with the now colorless floor. I tried to move as fast as I could to the door. Each step slowing and obscuring more and more. I reach the door and open it. It seems to take longer than the eons I have been here already. The scream had become a banshee's wail.
Nothing happens when I open the door. I am in an empty room, I think. There is a purplish light that. Everything has returned to the normal dream. The DJ beat has been replaced by some indistinguishable white noise. There is no definition to this world anymore. And they are all gone.
All the faces. The voices. The laughs. They have all gone. And so I started walking. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I just walked.
The pain woke me and the tears were already there. They had been for some time. They flowed for a long time until I could bring myself to move. And now I wait until the exhaustion takes over later so maybe, just maybe, I can get back to that place. Something tells me I never will though, that I will end up as normal. Just walking. This time however with a small bit of pain to accompany the happiness, joy, peace, freedom and whole. I hope though that I can smile a bit at my new companion. As it means that for one brief instant in whatever passes for my mind, I was with all of the people I have known. For each one meant something. And I thank you for letting me in.

i miss my room. i miss my cat. tomorrow will be my one month on testosterone and i probably won't be able to do my shot because my supplies are in my room. i don't know what i'm going to do now. my life is such a mess and everything i love is gone. it doesn't feel like anything is going to be ok :/
im in unbearable pain and i don't feel like im going to make it out of this year alive. i've said that before but this time it's so bad. i'm the worst i've ever been. i think it's because i've lost everyone. my family doesn't like me and i don't have any friends to hang out with, and i don't have any hobbies even though i'm trying to find some. my biggest insecurity is that i don't have a personality but nothing interests me. i don't do anything when i get home; i just sit there and doomscroll on my phone. i have no motivation for anything. i can't even brush my teeth most days
i don't want to feel abandonment and loneliness anymore. it is viscerally devastating. i can feel it in my chest and my head and the backs of my eyes. it's just always there. i keep thinking about the times i've been left and the mean things that people said to me about my behavior. im sorry for how i was. i couldn't control it and i wish i could've been better. i hope all those people have forgotten about me now
crying is supposed to be healing but it's not for me. there's always more hurt to shed and it seems like a bottomless pit. this will haunt me forever. i really wish i could just drop dead. im only living for pebble at this point. everything hurts too much

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Throwaway account because I don't really want to be identified.
I need help dealing with pain while I await diagnosis, so asking anyone who knows good stretches or relievers that aren't daily painkillers for advice. I don't know that I have AS but I have a family member with it, and pretty much every family member on one side has lupus, RA, or another of that disease family. My mid back hurts and I woke up to agonizing (9/10) tailbone pain one night and an x-ray showed "some possible" arthritic damage. I was given painkillers and kicked out of urgent care.
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I don't know how long it will be til I can see a specialist or if they'll care when I do. Our government care system (Canada) has completely disintegrated and they are not disclosing wait times, only that "you'll get a call". I'm tired and things are tough at work, my boss doesn't like me and being unable to get up for my 40 minute commute so I can go and eat shit at work isn't helping. Urgent care keep telling me nothing is wrong/I have muscular pain and take these painkillers, but I have to crack my back every 15 minutes and I have to wear insoles or I can't walk. What can I do? Are there home remedies that help? I've read that there are stretches but don't know where to look. Is cracking my back potentially dangerous? I've considered faking cauda equina so I can get imaging done at a hospital because that's auto MRI territory.

Okay so. This may be a long post, but I feel like I have to thoroughly explain so that somebody can accurately understand my plight.
I'm 24, and for the first 22 years of my life, I never experienced a UTI. I'll admit that I didn't have the best hygiene ever. I was never taught how to take care of myself and I didn't learn until I was maybe 20. But despite that, never a UTI to be seen. I also did not have sex for the first 22 years of my life. I got married, started having sex, and bam. UTIs constantly. I got my first one on our honeymoon. Six months later, another one. After that they started coming every three months. Now I can barely make it a month without one. A month and a half ago, I was on three different antibiotics because the bacteria have started to become resistant. Three weeks ago I had an infection that lasted less than a full day. It was excruciatingly painful, and then suddenly just vanished. So they've been getting more frequent and less predictable.
Also, even when I don't have a UTI, I have constant discomfort while peeing. It burns almost every time that I pee. I've just gotten really good at distinguishing if it's "normal" burning or UTI burning.
I do all the preventative stuff. I have switched to a pH balancing soap and wet wipes, I pee before and after sex, I take D-mannose every single day and every single time I have sex, I even wipe my husband down before we have sex. My husband is very hygienic. I don't drink alcohol. I'm not going to blame diet because my diet is healthier now that I'm married than it was before and I wasn't getting infections all the time back then. It doesn't seem to matter what I do, I'm always getting UTIs. It's exhausting and I feel like giving up.
I recently started seeing a new doctor and she referred me to a urologist, which I desperately need. We got an appointment set up, but then my husband changed jobs and we are without health insurance for 90 days. So I fully intend on seeing a specialist, I just can't right now.
I have a UTI as we speak and I'm not looking for medical advice or miracle cures because trust me, I've tried them all. I just want to know I'm not alone and I want to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Because it's feeling really dark right now.

Had one of those swollen, under the skin deep kind of zit things that's just a lump, like deep cystic acne. It's been sore so I messed with it a bit. I didn't make anything too visually horrible....but I did discover it's part of a tunnel, actually. On my face following my jaw on one side, sort of doubling back under my jaw to mid neck, and that little pad of chin fat that didn't go away despite losing weight again seems actually to have a couple fluid filled nodules in it too... maybe part of why it stayed puffy despite weight loss? Cool, awesome.
Curious: if things aren't particularly near the surface, looking gnarly, or particularly painful, do they usually opt for surgery, or do antibiotics or steroids clear this kind of thing up often? Kind of don't want my jaw and face cut to shreds, or my boob, which as far as I can tell seems to be mostly made of a tunnel of pretty itchy and mildy painful networks of fluid cysts at this point (which at some point in the last year did open to boils along the tunnels, yay scarring, but this time there's way more tunnels/ cysts than when they happened. But it doesn't hurt as bad as before that happened.)
I don't tolerate doxycycline well at all (brought back old ulcers that still haven't healed, upsets ibs, turns stomach to lava- couldn't take it past a week). I've been on 2 bouts of Bactrim, the first one helped some, the second time a very dismissive doctor only put me on it 1 week (both times urgent care, despite me telling him the 2 week treatment barely worked. PC Doctor didn't extend antibiotics (I had a few days left when I saw her) because she was under the impression I would probably be seeing derm by the next week or so.
I was gonna go to urgent care today, but other chronic health issues nixxed that, hibiclens and other things helped the open skin issues and boils move from miserable to tolerable enough.
A big fear is my doctor referred me to several specialists for different things (VA neglect so I switch to a private provider).
I called the other day, staff at her office verified referrals were faxed. Today I called 3 out of the 4 specialists to see if they received anything (was supposed to hear back from the specialists by tomorrow or Monday, so I got impatient, things are debilitating, life is not fun). 3 / 4 did not have referrals for me. Derm included. Didn't bother calling the 4th.
Called back and forth, PCM to specialists, specialists gave me their fax number to relay to PCM office, 'oh, no, we sent it, it shows right here', but something tells me 3 separate offices didn't just clumsily lose specifically my paperwork. They also all said they usually call patients with in 1-2 days of recieving referrals, which should have been faxed last Tuesday, per very helpful office lady.
(My mom and grandma see a provider at this clinic too, used to see the doctor who owned it but recently retired, from their experience, the front desk staff is largely "new" [they've been new a good while now though], pretty friendly, but apparently also not particularly efficient or good at what they do. Like I've done enough office/ clerical work in my life to make sure you get confirmations when faxing anything? Very confused)
Kind of panicking. I guess I'll call tomorrow and go to urgent care (body permitting). I'm terrified of the ER bc I'm afraid they'll just cut me up.
Any reassurances or telling of your experiences would be greatly appreciated ♥️
Also, I'll getting generic Yaz hopefully next week in the mail (has this ever helped anyone?)