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2012.12.06 03:28 Cozmo23 Destiny Reddit

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2011.01.08 06:16 People Person's Paper People

Why waste time watch many show when one show do trick?

2023.03.27 05:22 SmokingReindeer Shanks is a schemer. SPOILERS!

Shanks is not a villain but he will be an antagonist. He is a manipulator and a schemer he has his own plans and that will put him directly in the way of luffy.
Why is he a manipulator? It's how he made luffy indebted to him shanks can see the future he knew the sea king is gonna get his arm but he just let it happen he himself said he 'bet' it on the future, him losing his arm wasn't a sacrifice but an intentional calculated act. That was his way of making luffy feel indebted to him. In a child like luffy's mind he saw that shanks a man he admires lost his arm to save him and hence he is forver indebted to him and then he must become a great pirate to give shanks his hat back. Shanks manipulated luffy towards a life of piracy. Why? We don't know yet but he did.
Meeting with gorosei clearly shows he is planning something. Planning to get one piece etc etc shanks could've gotten anytime he wanted if that's what he really wanted but he decided now is the time to get it. There are other factors involved than just obtaining the one piece that 'now' is the right time for that particular action. His every move is carefullly meticulously planned far ahead unlike Roger and Luffy who just wing it.
Shanks is not a villain like Kaido or Blackbeard but he is a schemer he has his own plans and that's why I think he will stand against luffy. I feel little shanks would like to control the world somehow in a different way than world government does. Shanks could've fought big mom or kaido to get the pneglyphs but he didn't and we now know he is plenty strong to atleast try but he didnt even try and I think that's cuz he wants to maintain a balance. Unlike kido or Blackbeard he doesn't want a world of chaos but a balance between the pirates and the World Government that's why he didn't do anything to shift the balance between the Yonkou and the WG. I cannot exactly what he wants or goals are but I feel he wants to create a cage a golden cage where everybody will be happy maybe no one would have to die like Roger did a utopia of control but that's the problem luffy is a free bird a golden cage is a cage nonetheless. Well this is just a guess on what his end goals but what I'm definite about is that he is a schemer and a manipulator.
submitted by SmokingReindeer to OnePiece [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 05:20 Archival_Mind [LF Spoilers] Lightfall - The Veil, The Witness, Purple Stuff

I have returned from the grave that is Lightfall's entire story with the hope that this narrative that they put a huge pause button on can hold up after a year of nothingness. Here, I analyze the inspirations for the Veil's design, the Veil's description as given by Dima Goryainov, and try to compare that to what we know about its influence on past events... despite contradictions.

Back to Zero - Inspiral, SimplificationConfirmation, The Knife, Neutrality Forged in Darkness
Unveiling is a highly debated topic among the community, despite both Seth poking fun at those who don't believe it as well as the book itself containing many notes that directly correlate with foundational Destiny lore post-reboot.

Well, I'm happy to say, this shit's real. In Inspiral, a book that I can't fucking link to because Ishtar Collective doesn't have it up yet, we see a disconnected series of texts. One of these texts is narrated by an entity impossible to see, cloaked in shadow. It describes what a Flower knows. No, not the kind that you see on your day to day. It's the kind that is actually a civilization.

And it's here that it's clarified why Unveiling is written the way it was.
All of these are false, for metaphor simplifies as the knife does. It pares incalculable concepts into shapes your wrinkly little brains can comprehend. The weight of billions and the simple curve of a planet give you pause, and how then are you to be expected to grasp the forces that created your nth-removed creator?
No, it's not just a story. It's a reality that existed before reality. And it's important that I use this as a launching point, because it goes directly into the shape of the Knife and the separation of causality and paracausality.

The Knife is the Witness. How can one gain this information? Well, outside of all of these things I've previously listed, most of which still holding up in this regard (RIP Black Heart comparison though), it's actually dialogue from the raid Root of Nightmares regarding the Veil.
The coveted key to the Witness's plans... and the sapid secret of its first victims.
And here's the line from Inspiral about the Knife's first victims.
It is the winnower that discovers the first knife, but it is not done without the gardener. This, too, is a tradition: a knife does not come to exist without something that must be cut. A woody stem, a colored petal, a vital vessel. The first victims of the blade.
Is it a little bit of a loose connection, but it's infinitely more than the rest of the DLC, so...

I digress. The Witness wants to end both Light and Dark. Enough Life, enough Death. You've heard it before. See, it's clear that the Witness's goals are COVERED by Darkness, with its reference to the Final Shape and its control over what it is not, but it's not going for Light to end it, it's going for the Light so it can END both. It's going to reset everything to zero. No Light. No Dark. No existence. Freedom from the greater design. Freedom... for all.

It never pretends to be a God. It knows it's no God. It just *is* what it is. It is the knife that had a million blades.

The Black Heart and The Veil
So, despite the fact that the Black Heart is literally paracausal and the Vex can't simulate that to save their own lives... AND the foundation of the Sol Divisive being that they FOUND the Garden AND the Heart and didn't know what to do about the latter, choosing worship, I. Will. Fucking. Use. This. Anyway.

The Black Heart, is, alas, not a living thing as I thought it was. According to "Brass Gardeners" from Inspiral, the Heart is a seed, but according to people on Neptune that somehow know more than we do, the Heart is a Vex attempt at duplicating the Veil. So I'm going to fucking use it.

My insanity starts as thus:
What happened when the Heart died?

See, the Black Garden is a place that exists outside of time and space. It's not a place you can just *get* to. You need access. So when you get in through the Vex gate in D1, Ghost tells you promptly that you are now outside of known spacetime... but that all changes when you kill the Heart. Suddenly, the Garden is rooted to Mars, to the point where you can enter it from a cave system a year later... until it reawakened in Shadowkeep and it was dragged back out into the void.

The Black Heart was inherently paracausal, and it powered the Garden. Upon its death, the Garden was tethered to the physical plane. It's a barrier.

And so is the Veil.

The Veil is a paracausal object that we know remarkably little about. Luckily, we've gotten a couple hints. It feels similar to the Traveler, it is also linked to Darkness through the Strand links, it shoots purple stuff (this will be important), it's like the Heart, and it's a "physical manifestation of incomprehensible cosmic energy. Window into the mind and memory of the universe."

The latter sentence is very Darkness-like, as we know the Darkness is tied to immaterial concepts. But I'm not quite done yet. I urge you to look at the leftmost image in image 4. This is a Lorenz Attractor. This is the common inspiration for the concept of the Butterfly Effect.

What did the Gardener want? Complexity. The same pattern won every time, and it wanted to change that. Voila, now there are an infinite amount of ways this could end.

The Veil is not just a window into the memory of the universe, it's the barrier between the original rules of the game and the rules added by its former admins. The Veil is what allows us to use paracausality at all, powering the universe as the Heart once did the Black Garden. It feels like the Traveler yet produces Darkness links because it's both Light and Dark. It allows this complexity... and this simplicity. Deterministic and yet completely unpredictable. It's that damned purple stuff.

We Got Soda, OJ, Purple Stuff...
Look at the Shard in the EDZ. this piece of Traveler flesh was cast off by the Gardener after it was infected by Darkness. That Darkness is why there isn't a lot of pure Light left, instead there's all this... purple stuff that warps the environment. It creates Dusklight Shards. Literal Dark-Light Shards.

But that's the most minor case of Light and Dark colliding. The other cases are:
- Light and Dark coming into conflict, creating the entire multiverse
- Light and Dark power clashing at the Asteroid Belt, creating a Kugelblitz that resulted in a pocket universe known as the Distributary and the creation of the Awoken
- Light and Dark, the Pale Heart and the Witness, linked together by the Veil to create a portal to god-knows-where.

When Light and Dark clash, universes collapse... or they're created.

But given that the Witness wants to end everything, I think it's safe to assume that the intent behind the giant triangle portal is the complete destabilization of time and space and the eventual scission of reality from existence until nothing is able to exist because nothing ever existed in the first place.

Congratulations, Gardener and Winnower, you created a demon that wants to end the game by erasing it from history.

I hope my ramblings reach someone.
submitted by Archival_Mind to DestinyLore [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 05:14 LSSJPrime Okay I think there's something seriously wrong with my S23 Ultra camera because the quality is just god-awful

So I got my S23 Ultra about a week ago and I'm happy to report that everything works great! Performance is snappy, battery life is good, and all comms are up and functional. Everything except just one thing... the camera seems to be dropping a hot deuce whenever I try to take a photo.
I took some photos while on a date with my gf. Here are the samples:
Sample 1
Sample 2
Sample 3
Now I don't know if there's a setting I have to adjust, an update I need to install, or some kind of trick that I need to pull, but the photo quality of my camera seems to be truly horrendous, at least compared to the photos people post here.
In Sample 1, zoom in to the pistachio cupcake on the farthest left. The sprinkles and crumbles on top of it are just a blurry, unfocused mish-mash of red, green, brown, and orange that just all kind of blends together. Absolutely no discernable detail or clarity whatsover.
In Sample 2, zooming in to the bottleneck reveals just how again reveals how terribly blurry it is. Not only that, but zooming in to the top right and left corners of the image, you can see how horrendous the blurriness and pixelation gets.
Sample 3 seems to be the cleanest photo yet, but zooming in to my gf's tonkatsu dish I'm not so sure. Yes it wasn't the subject of the shot, but I feel like this level of blurriness surely isn't normal...
Am I doing something wrong? I have no idea if I'm doing something wrong here or if I need to tinker with the camera a bit to get the results I should be getting. Are the photos supposed to turn out like this? All I did was turn scene optimizer off, but other than that literally nothing else was touched at all. This was all taken in a point-and-shoot style with auto mode, where the camera does all the work. Do I have a defective unit?
My phone model is 512GB and Sky Blue, if that matters. Any advice or tips would be appreciated!
submitted by LSSJPrime to GalaxyS23Ultra [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 05:07 RIP_SIM i'm trapped in a nightmare reality

so i'm going to make this rather short and sweet. i just turned 30 in january. i just had a baby in november with my fiance who we were just procrastination away from going and getting courthouse married. everything was amazing and this is the most perfect storybook relationship i've ever been in. we fell in love instantly, dropped our lives and i had her move across the country to be with me. she got pregnant 6 months later.

anyway my mom got diagnosed with cancer the previous year and around the time she was moving to my city my mom got worse quickly and had as nice of a home hospice goodbye as possible. this was very hard but i had my newfound soulmate to help me through the first grief i've had to deal with. then my grandpa died a week later, which you're prepared for your grandparents to die, but not your 47 year old mom. this was all within the first couple weeks of my fiance moving in with me. she definitely helped me through this in a way that i must say the timing of us meeting was completely impeccable and i needed her so badly at that time.

then me and her ended up living with my grandma and grandpa until we rented our own apartment. my grandpa passed away while we were staying with them. again, i expected this and had prepared for years. but at this point i had never lost any family members and had now lost 3 of the closest people in my life in just a matter of half of a year.

november rolls around and she has the baby. despite everything going on we quickly got our own apartment and i got a better job that paid more and i liked 100 times better. we created an amazing family in no time and had the purest love for eachother.

our daughter had just turned 3 months old and a few days later my fiance got into a car accident and is no longer with us. i literally have no will or desire to go on, because not only did i lose my partner and absolute best friend i've ever had and the mother of my child who was a stay at home mom taking full time care of our daughter while i worked, i have absolutely no time to waiver when it comes to my now full time solo parent responsibility. i am literally trapped in a hellish world that i will never be able to escape from.

i could type an entire novel about how and why this woman was undeniably my soulmate and i was going to be with her forever. but i need to focus on what's important, and that is half of her soul lives on through our daughter and i owe it to both my late partner's memory and to our daughter so that she doesn't have to grow up with no parents. my family would raise her and she'd be in arguably a better and more stable place than me doing it, but me and her mother had spent hundreds of hours just talking and fantasizing about what we wanted for our daughter and how we were going to raise her. and i promise both of them i will do everything we dreamed of doing together, and raise our little girl exactly in her mothers image and honor and make sure she knows every last little detail about her mother.

she passed away march 1st so this is so fresh it's hardly sank in. i feel the weight of losing my other family members so much deeper now that my biggest support system and companion is now not only not here for me but fucking gone and dead herself.

i don't know what to do, but i have to make it for the sake of this magical thing we created. fuck guys. she was only 27 and the most amazing and dedicated mother i've ever known.

i'm utterly broken and dead inside. in the past month since she's been gone the new expressions she makes and looks she has in her eyes i see the spitting image of her mom and it fucking breaks me down and all i do is barely eat enough food to stay alive, and comatose on the couch because i cant bear to be in our bed. seeing her in our daughter is only going to get rapidly more intense as it already has since she died especially since i'll be really fucking looking for it. it's the most bittersweet feeling i've ever experienced.
submitted by RIP_SIM to widowers [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 05:06 roadtrip-ne Oldest living retired firefighter in Lynn, MA, Age 104. Happy birthday Mr. Rocco Brienzo

Oldest living retired firefighter in Lynn, MA, Age 104. Happy birthday Mr. Rocco Brienzo submitted by roadtrip-ne to roadtripnewengland [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 05:05 AlterMagna My Sprite Comics and Commissioned Art

Fate Grand Order X Percy Jackson
Thalia meets Artemis
More Than Meets the Eye
Vs Caenis
The Wrong Shapeless Isle
My Dad is a Robot in Disguise
Previously On...
Arriving at Olympus
Involving the Beast
Olympus's Reception
Olympus's Reception 2
Artemis Meets Artemis
Olympus's Reception 3
Godbreaker Alliance 1
Godbreaker Alliance 2
Godbreaker Alliance 3
Godbreaker Alliance 4
Harem Therapy
Harem Therapy: Part 1
Harem Therapy: Part 2
Harem Therapy Part 3
Harem Therapy Part 4
Harem Therapy Part 5
Harem Therapy Part 6

Ritsuka's Offspring Adventures
Alina meets her brother
Children of the Winter Queen
Group B
Ishtar is miffed
One Big Happy Family
Group C [Upper]
The Note
The 2nd Note
Group C [Lower]
Group C [Middle]
Mommy Sith
The Final Note
Approaching the Finale
Camp Half-Blood Chronicles
Part 1
Part 2

Other Sprite Comics
Whenever Altera uses Teardrop Photon Ray
The Anti-Virgin Squad
Merlin tells the story of the King
Merlin gets what he deserves
Bully Castoria
Lethal Love: Part 1
Lethal Love Part 2
Lethal Love: Bad End
Fatal Obsession
The Witch Queen Part 1
The Witch Queen Part 2
ServantTube Terms and Service
Teucer walks outside his room.
The Prank
Ritsuka's Birthday with Koyanskaya of Dark
Morgan the Wife Asserts her Dominance
A Normal day in the "fenrir5034 Timeline"
It should have been me
A Message from Merlin
The New Round Table
What the Knights of the Round Table think of Shirou Emiya
The Texas Beyond standoff
Bro, are you flirting with my sister!?
Kama is Jelly
YES! This is a JOJO reference!
It was me Barry
LB7 but its the MCU
To Date Thrud

Aphrodite X Gudao
"First Kiss" Commission + Sprite Comic
Commission: Gudadite Sunset Kiss
Commission: “Showing off the Boyfriend” (Gudadite)
Commission: "The Ultimate Gateway" (Gudadite)
Commission: "The birth of Tia"
Gudadite: "First Night together"
Pregnant Large-Scale Sapients Education Terminal
Sleeping on the Couch
Princess Carry
Greek Goddess of Love
My Future Catalyst
Ritsuka X ΑΦΡΟΔITH kiss
Making Out
A Family walks through Olympus
Moonlight Kiss

Shipping Children
Stjornu: Daughter of Ortlinde (Update)
Kai and Cayde
Commission: Gudadite Second daughter: Anais
Commission: The Archer Emiya/Lancer Artoria kids
Koyanskaya of Darkness Triplets
Myriam: Daughter of Proto Merlin.
Saber X Shirou kids
Lavender: Daughter of Demeter
Axel: Son of Hildr and Fiora: Daughter of Ölrún
Elysia: Daughter of Shiki and Ciel
Collei: Daughter of Jeanne and Sieg
Claude Kadocovich Romanov: Son of Kadoc and Anastasia
Aster: Son of ΔHMHTHP
Miles: Son of Achilles and Atalante
Sareh: Daughter of Shiki and Sion
Ana and Lythesia: Daughters of Shirou
Kumiko and Hachiro: twins kids of ΑΦΡΟΔITH
Emerys: Son of Merlin
Livia: Daughter of Hakuno and Nero

Other Artwork
I commissioned a fusion of a Fantasy Tree and the Tree of Harmony from My Little Pony:FIM
Commission: ArcherXLAtoria
Revenge Prank
Luvia wants a kiss
Kono Merlin da!
Making out with Mother Nature
Daughter of Avalon
Wanna Make Something of it?
Merlin wants a snack
Kiss me you idiot!
The Machine God of War
Dominating Mother Nature
Dominating Mother Nature(Colored, finished)
Daughters of Venus
Pregnant Demeter
Demeter in a Wet shirt
Assertive Thrud
My Little Pony: The End of an Equestrian Dream
"I said kiss me you idiot!"
"I love you Baobhan Sith"
Gudao X Sith Kiss
Lady Avalon wants a kiss
Edmond Dantes and Haydee
The God of War and his Children
Lostbelt 1 x Ice Realm
The Fairy Knights Wedding
The Kids' Tournament
Arcueid Road Roller
Pregnant Sith
Pregnant Sith(FGO Comics)
The New Princess of Camelot
Pregnant Castoria
"That's a nice Argument Odysseus"
ORT invades Equestria
Eskimo Kiss
"Baobhan Sith has confessed her feelings to Ritsuka"
"Baobhan Sith Cheers Master on"
"Ritsuka Seduces Baobhan Sith"
“Using Hypnosis on Baobhan Sith”
“Don’t be too familiar with me”
If Shirou summoned Artoria Caster
"Sith likes Fujimaru's face"
Koyanskaya of Darkness is summoned
Secret girlfriend Baobhan Sith

the cover art of my fanfiction
OC Timelines(August 2022)
OC Timelines(October 2022)
submitted by AlterMagna to u/AlterMagna [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 05:03 vvalkyri3 I hate spending my birthday with my mother

To preface, I love my mother and I appreciate everything she’s done for me and that she raised me on her own. However, she like most people has her faults and one of them is an inability to not make my and my sister’s birthday about her or otherwise be toxic. Getting older I’ve realized where some of this stems from, she had a lot of siblings, felt ignored, as a parent sometimes she vicariously lives through her children, has an inability to see us as our own people, etc. etc. That all does not magically make it less shitty that about 7 out of 10 of my past birthdays the main thing I can remember is something toxic that she did either the day of or right before it. I haven’t even spent that many of them physically with her which is the most frustrating part about it. I’ve resigned myself to this being a fun quirk I need to put up with as part of growing up in a dysfunctional household because family is family, but I also resent that I can’t just have a happy birthday, or frankly any other major occasion, without waiting for the other shoe to drop with regards to her behavior.
submitted by vvalkyri3 to offmychest [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 05:02 ManyMuted7889 O and K engagement video

So I got on my recommended their old engagement video (yes, I f'd up and saw it on YouTube, sorry). I watched it again, and I teared up seeing just how excited O was and how happy he was. How he mentioned K being this incredible woman and getting her the perfect ring (which I also find f'd up she didn't give it back since she mentioned she wouldn't even give it to her daughters or Levi in a future) also, Seeing K's dad telling O that hes the perfect man for his daughter and seeing him cry at the end made me feel some sort of way. Like, K had something so amazing also. Honestly, they had only been together for 4 years (yeah, with 3 kids), but it was only 4 years. She always made it seem like it had been soooo many years that she was insisting. Yeah, they both were young, but damn O loved her so much and was so respectful as well by calling Ks mom and talking with her dad. Seeing that he prepared such a beautiful setting for her.. just for her to end things what, 3(?) Years later? I do hope that O gets to love a woman more that he loved K and not have bad trust issues (which if he does, it's obviously understandable) but hes grown a lot emotionally and mentally since the break up and he deserves to be able to love in the most amazing way
submitted by ManyMuted7889 to KyraReneeSivertson [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 04:55 Hellion998 Mongul's a cool villain so watch me rant about him for a bit.

You ever had a character that you randomly fixated on for some reason that changes over time? That's how I feel with Mongul from DC Comics. For various reasons, this large, yellow, red-eyed tyrant is such an appealing villain to me that should be in more DC shows even the live-action ones. The main reason I like Mongul so much is because... *he's an unapologetic POS,* he's callous, destructive, brutish, sexist, manipulative, and basically every bad adjective you describe something with, sure he's probably not THE EVILEST DC villain... but if the likes of Superman puts him on his "Kill-On-Sight List", it really proves his despicable nature.
I would LOVE to over his actions in the comics, but unfortunately I don't read that sh*t, so I gotta go off the TV shows, starting with his debut in the WarWorld 2-parter. In this, he rules over a planet where the only real source of joy for the people is the blood-sports that take place there since basic provisions have been mostly nonexistent for awhile now. He leads an alien slave-trade and manages to capture Superman to participate in his event against his reigning champion and Superman can only put up with him for so long before he stats beating his champion in the arena, but not killing him, much to the annoyance of Mongul. Afterwards, Mongul speaks to Superman in private and tells him he's gonna lose to him or else he uses his massive, f*ck-off laser cannon designed to make convincing way easier and instead of threating Earth, he threatens the planet of Superman's opponent who just tried to kill him in the ring.
This is another thing I like about Mongul, he's really good at taking advantage of other individuals for his own gain, knowing that Superman is so pure good that he shall willingly sacrifice his own life to save a person he doesn't even know that well. Anyways, Mongul obviously loses but will make his return in Justice League Unlimited. "For the man who has everything", is the episode where Mongul makes his return in his most conniving and threating way yet. During Superman's birthday, Mongul shows up on Earth and gives him a little "present" in the form of "Black Mercy", a telepathic plant-based organism that traps the victim in near-catatonic like state of mind and creating a simulation of their heart's desires and we get Superman on Krypton with a family, a wife and son and his world bustling with life.
Meanwhile... MONGUL IS BEATING THE BRAKES OFF OF WONDER WOMAN. I do mean "BEATING THE BRAKES OFF OF WONDER WOMAN" which is quite a large feat in my opinion especially with just brute strength alone and meanwhile, Batman is trying to get Superman to snap out of it but nothing's working, only Superman can break free from the Black Mercy.
Superman eventually realizes that his perfect reality is just an illusion and he needs to go, even telling his son that "I don't think you're real..." and eventually he comes back and he comes back *incensed*. He starts beating up Mongul but the alien is still able to hold up against him all while giving the best line of dialogue in this whole episode:
"Happy birthday Kryptonian. I give you oblivion."
Having Superman get pushed this far is a very awesome and chilling moment and I like this alot because its interesting to encounter a villain that can push this far and one NOT named Darkseid. Even after Superman almost killed him, Mongul gets the upper-hand and attempts to crush him to death but Wonder Woman utilizes the Black Mercy against him in a dramatic twist of irony and at the end of the episode, even though we don't directly see his thoughts... you can hear the faint sounds of raging fires, explosions, and *people screaming*, showing that we are truly looking upon a monstruous individual.
Despite his brief appearances, Mongul really added tension and overall darkness to the episodes he was in, an intergalactic slave trader that forces others to fight to the death for sport, can easily take advantage of a situation, and can overpower most foes with just brute strength alone but also switch to a more tactical mindset at will. He's not just a one-shot brute, he's genuinely a threat and his callous personality to life really adds a dark tone to the villain overall and unlike Darkseid, a literal god, he can do bad all by himself with no need for advanced technology or divinity and only to do whatever he so desires.
Mongul is a cool villain and I wish to see more him in the future.
submitted by Hellion998 to CharacterRant [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 04:54 Used-Information-455 I think I might have CPTSD from parenting, bullying, accidents, and more (long)

I'm in my early 30s, male. I'm starting to wonder if I have CPTSD. I've always known something is wrong with me. I just keep pretending everything is normal, knowing something feels wrong, but thinking I'm just lazy/stupid/unmotivated for not be able to find it and fix it. I've experienced the following symptoms pretty persistently throughout my adolescence, teens, and 20s.
I've tried therapy in the past, but never really stuck with it. I've just re-entered therapy and a men's group in the past few months again and am going to see it through. The reason I entered was mainly due to realizing I feel extremely stuck in life and hopeless, and trying to get to the root of why I feel that way. I thought I mostly had an okay childhood (middle class, parents still together, some friends, some hobbies), and that I was just a piece of shit for not feeling fully enthusiastic and in control in life. I've sought help via psychiatrists, medication for depression and ADHD, meditation, and healthy living as much as I can.
I didn't think I had any trauma in my past, but after doing some initial reading, I think I might have some. I have never opened up about any of this to anyone, besides a few details to my therapist and sister, so this is hard. After thinking about what potential trauma I had in my childhood, though, I feel I'm drowning and there's no bottom. I feel like my whole personality, including my choice of careepartners/hobbies, is just a response to these things. I don't know where to go from here. I'm just trying to put the pieces together.
1. Pretty emotionally distant dad. I had deeply repressed this, but I just realized that my father would basically be there, and would provide for the family, but would basically be emotionally absent.
I realize he did the best he could, but I think I just didn't get the care I needed to develop a sense of self and regulate my emotions in a healthy way early on. I can't really remember a solid piece of life advice ("my father always told me..."). Nearly every day after work, he'd come home and say a few words and then go take a nap, sometimes for several hours until mom made dinner. Felt like he'd just walk right past me and see right through me. Etc.
I think the really damaging thing was that he would give me and the whole family the silent treatment for days, sometimes I think up to a week or more if something set him off. We would be forced to just endure it. Read him emotionally. Do the dishes, quietly. Do my chores, quietly. Sit at the table and eat dinner in tense silence. Say nothing. Look to my mom for advice on what to do, but she'd just side with him. So, we'd wait. I'd ruminate endlessly about what to do, how to make it better - no answers. I'd cry myself to sleep alone in my room. I'd hate myself and think I was worthless. I'd truly worry he would leave the family because of me. I'd think he never actually wanted kids or loved me. I think this was around the first time I experimented with self harm (hitting myself in the head, running a knife over my arm but never cutting, thinking I should just be beaten instead). He never hit me that I can recall, but I was spanked, if that counts.
Eventually things would slide back into a terse normalcy - but I'd always wait for the next time. This happened fairly frequently, I think. I asked my sister because I couldn't really remember the details, and she said it happened fairly regularly until we were about 8 (me) and 10 years old. Great, only the most formative years. It mostly stopped then, when she wrote him a letter asking him to stop, but continued sometimes. I don't really remember what I did to set it off, or what set it off in general. I think just being a needy kid and him being stressed.
2. Sustained, malicious, intense bullying. I was a pretty introverted kid, and I think that's why I was a target. Bullying started in grade school and continued unabated through high school. Specifically targeted by bullies in the halls or after school. Called gay and mocked all the time in the locker room. Beaten up a few times. I was extensively targeted for ongoing harassment by a few guys in particular in high school. They would draw things on our driveway, egg our house, walk outside our house at night, etc.
I have a few guy friends, but mainly 3 close ones I've known since childhood. I've never really developed any other male friends since that - since high school. I think it's because I'm still stuck there in terms of trust. I don't trust other guys not to hate me and ostracize me. I don't seek out those relationships.
3. Dog attacks. I was attacked by our family dog when I was a toddler, I was told. I don't think it was super serious, no cuts/scars etc. I was attacked by another family dog that got on top of me and biting at me when I was closer to middle school.
Mainly, in middle school, I was attacked by another rescue dog at a farm where my sister and mom were riding horses. I was off in a nearby field playing with this dog (about my size) when he turned from playing to on top of me. Snarling at me, biting at me. He got on top of me and bit me but only caught my arm/jacket that I put up in defense, and he was very intensely pulling at me.
I was screaming, and my mom came over the hill. I remember screaming at her to help me, but for some reason (maybe the attack didn't look or wasn't as serious as it felt), she just said "you got this," and she walked away or stayed put a few hundred yards away. I eventually pushed it off/wrapped my jacket around it and got away. I don't think she really comforted me afterwards. Maybe this isn't as serious as I remember, but the fact that I still remember it and had an intense fear response to actually remembering it fully tells me that my kid brain thought I was going to fucking die, and my mom ignored that completely. That I'm on my own in times of dangefear, and that I can't trust anyone to save me.
I love dogs now and want one, but I think I've always subconsciously kept my distance and that's why I haven't gotten one yet. I think I'm still afraid at some level, as silly as that sounds.
4. Knockouts/car accident/head trauma. I've been knocked out a bunch of times, which probably isn't great.
There have been a few other times. In high school, I turned left into a two-lane T-intersection but didn't see a car in the oncoming direction from the right (hidden behind a nearby car and then switched into the lane I was trying to merge into), and I slammed on the breaks. As I went to go, I looked left and everything went into slow motion as a car came straight at me at full speed/50 mph or so (I think she was on her phone). It t-boned the car and hit right behind me on the driver's side, and totaled the car. I was knocked out for a few seconds and extremely disoriented. I didn't sustain serious injuries, but was bruised/had whiplash and massively dissociated for several days. I got a ticket for failure to yield, and my dad responded to the accident and was worried - but ultimately I think he seemed more pissed about the car in the long run.
This is a side note and pretty woo-woo, but I remember having an intense feeling of dread in the week prior, like something bad was coming. That might just be regular old anxiety, but part of me feels like I was supposed to die that day, and that I've just been existing in this dissociated, alternate reality ever since.
5. Deep Catholic guilt. I was raised Catholic by people who didn't really seem to believe in it, but culturally that's just what they were and "what you did," so they sent me to Catholic school through eighth grade anyway. There, we got all the typical messages - you're bad, you're guilty, you're sinful, you deserve to go to hell - but you'll be forgiven and go to heaven if you're a good boy and you play by the rules. Mandatory church on Fridays. Confessionals, confessing your bad thoughts to a priest. "If you're happy and you know it, that's a sin." I was highly, highly sensitive to this and had so much fear about doing anything wrong.
I understand the appeal of Christianity and Catholicism, I do, and I don't mind anyone who finds value in it. But I rebelled hard - questioning everything. I saw people not living up to the values they professed to hold. I saw the contradictions, the inconsistencies, but I couldn't help but internalize the values. I was a damn philosophy and ethics major in college out of an intense need to find an answer, develop a reliable superego or whatever, and to feel like I would be good and get love if I could just figure out what a silent god - and a silent father - wanted me to do.
6. Some unexplained deepset anxious feeling of something like sexual abuse or inappropriate touching at a young age. This one is extremely difficult for me to even conceptualize and put into words. I don't know if this even happened. But, I have a deep feeling and some flash of two memories - once in Catholic school, once on a farm at a family gathering. Those memories are more like a feeling, an impression, of deep shame and me being forced to do something I didn't want to do, something I know is wrong and extremely embarrassing. I'm not sure what to make of that and I don't remember any specifics. As you can see, I don't remember my childhood very well. Probably all the knockouts, to be honest.
I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess I'm just trying to process these things, and writing it out helps. Any advice, reactions, resources, or thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you.
submitted by Used-Information-455 to CPTSD [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 04:50 Typical-External-540 My mom is a disaster but I still want too maintain a happy relationship with her.

I love my mom very much but at the same time I have lost all my respect for her. Love and hate relationship with her. My views of her is so bad but as I grew up in a strict household i’ve been taught too respect and honor elders so I just can’t seem too let go. Let me start from the beginning. My mother is known too be a narcissist in the family. When my mother gets mad she will resort too abuse or guilt tripping. She has hit me, my brothers my whole family pretty much. Maybe at a certain point too some people yes hitting your child for discipline is okay, but what she does is way too far. Throwing vases, punching, hitting with a stick. The only thing I ever felt from her was fear even though she was asking everyone too respect her. She is also a Christian so she was really heavy on religion and she says it’s okay because it’s in the Bible. But even at that I still feel as if hitting or abusing people does not help with any type of situation.
Growing up she made me read scriptures, write down words of god and taught me basic human morality from the Bible. I am fine with her religion but she takes it way too far sometimes. I am not allowed to wear certain things. She would call me a slur and all sorts of nasty things if I wore shorts. I always feel bad and immediately changed my clothes after every time. But even wearing modest clothing, she still has a problem with me. She gets mad at me for dressing “lame and boyish” but all the clothes she ever gets me are leggings and big t-shirts. I do not know what to do this point. All these rules I’ve had throughout my life is making me tired. I’m scared too even talk too her because I do not want her too talk down on me or hit me.
My mother is also very big on politics. I have moved almost every year because she’s scared something bad will happen. Like a nuke or someone is going too bomb us, some politics stuff. I have no idea what type of politics she listens too but, because of her moving every-time, I never had social skills. I was awkward and never knew how too talk too people normally. I rarely used a phone and I mainly draw on paper too pass time instead of going on snapchat or any social media or game platforms growing up. I’ve had to abandon very good friends every-time i moved and I was heartbroken every-time, and eventually I stopped talking too people completely and became an outcast. I was then bullied a lot and I sat in bathroom stalls because I was so self conscious of myself. I tried telling my mom but she got super mad at me and called me weak and and it broke my heart and I cried. I never told anyone after that I was getting bullied and I kept it too myself and tried being strong. But it’s okay now I’m in a better place mentally.
I can’t even vacation or go anywhere, she does not take me anywhere. I want too go out with friends and go too parties but it’s so uncomfortable asking her so I just don’t go anywhere. I rather just avoid her for now. She’s seems like the type of person you cant argue with because she will always blame you and try too win the convo. I am going too finish high school soon and I might leave her. Or either that she’ll kick me out as soon as I turn 18. But I still want too maintain a relationship with her because she’s my mother. I love her very much. I always try too help out any way I can with her. I want too bond with her and have happy memories together as mother and daughter. I do not know if maybe I am judging her or maybe she’s going through something but I don’t want our relationship too keep being as terrible as it is. I can’t detach from her. I do not know what to do. 🥲
submitted by Typical-External-540 to Advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 04:49 Surrealmind1221 Ex’s mom messaged me after 7 no contact from any of them

I could use some perspective from an outsider-
Last summer my fiancé and partner I was with for 5 years ended our relationship pretty abruptly and then ghosted me almost right away. I had been experiencing a lot of health issues and my mental health was in the toilet before he ended things. With lack of financial stability, I moved in with family and had trouble getting ahold of him to do things like end our joint savings account. Strangely I ended up starting to find answers to the medical stuff we had been facing in regards to me but that’s neither here nor there. Anyway, it really hurt when he went no contact, but I have spent the time working on my physical and mental health and have made a lot of progress and realize it probably was more about him than me in that decision. I also landed a really great gig and I am hoping to move closer to work soon, which is about a half hour commute in good weather. A couple of weeks ago I heard through mutual friends he was asking about me (they wanted directive on what to do) and last night I received the first message from his mom since our break up. His entire family and all the family friends I was close with stopped talking to me. I had tried to call his mom right after the break up because he ghosted me when we still had logistics and she ignored my call. I had to go through our landlord to get him to talk to me, which he did, before blocking me again. Fast forward, my birthday was the other day and she wished me a happy belated birthday, hoped I was doing okay, and said that she didn’t know the right things to say. She said she “honestly wasn’t sure about anything” and said to take care. I messaged her to ask if everyone was okay and she responded this morning that everyone was okay. When I asked what she wasn’t sure about she said she didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, particularly her sons feelings by messaging me. This whole conversation has been confusing. I told her she didn’t need to talk to me if it was going to upset him and that I was fine. I honestly want to ask her about why he is so hell bent ghosting me but I also feel like in some ways it doesn’t matter. Whatever the reason it doesn’t change the fact that while he is okay with asking others about my well-being, he doesn’t want to talk to me. After writing all this out I feel like it is just good to drop it and continue to do me… but now I am questioning if I need to block her. I don’t really understand her intentions and I guess while it hasn’t been earth shattering or anything, it is upsetting having someone I very much love reach out and know I really shouldn’t be talking to her if he has asked for her not to. It also brings up confusion and feelings about him. Any advice? Thanks!
submitted by Surrealmind1221 to ExNoContact [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 04:45 jokingmandem760 Breaking Free: Escaping a Toxic Relationship and Financial Burden

This is going to be a long one. I’ve been wanting to get this off my chest and decided to do it here. story is pretty specific so I’m doing it on a throw away.
I(m22) was dating this girl(m23)who l met when was in my early 20s. we started dating and moved in together. Fast forward some months later, l got injured and that resulted in paralysis. The relationship lasted for about a year afterwards. She quit her job and became my primary caregiver. In the first year after my accident I became really depressed and turned into a homebody. This strained our relationship and while we were on a trip to the east coast, we got into a huge fight in the airport and she broke up with me. Since l’m paralyzed and require special care, l couldn’t leave her at the airport so l begged her to stay with me, she said she would if we could have an ‘open relationship’(important later). I agree and come to find out she’s been chatting with two guys she met on reddit. She also introduced me to reddit around this time, l never used this app beforehand. Anyway, we get back to the midwest and she start bringing her new partner in the open relationship to our apartment, they met at the dog park so he lives close. This makes me wildly uncomfortable BUT I don’t say anything cause l wanted to exercise the same privileges. As a couple months go by, she starts bringing the dude around more frequently, went from once a week, to sat & sun, then 3-4 times a week, then pretty much every day if not every other day. During this time our roommate moved out(due to our deteriorating relationship)so the other bedroom in that two bed room apartment was vacant. We broke up sometime within those 3 months and she moved me into the other bedroom saying she wanted me as a “cool roommate” even though we broke up. Meanwhile l downloaded tinder, bumble, am speaking to ppl on reddit but l can’t get any action. No action coupled with seeing my “gf” and her new partner started to eat at my soul, l began drinking heavily and feeling unwelcome & extremely uncomfortable in my own home. Here’s the kicker though, my “gf” was being compensated roughly 3k every two weeks for being my caretaker. Since we lived together, the money was tax exempt. This immense amount of pay in conjunction with my “gf’s” poor spending habits and impulse control lead to her overpaying for a 40k car cause she told the dealership in an email that “she desperately needed a car”, unnecessarily taking out a 20,000 loan, maxing out 3 credit cards, moving us into new and expensive luxury apartments(2.8k a mo), financing a fancy bed along with a plethora of other unnecessary purchases, on top of the 3-5k she already had in student loans. Her family was a financial burden as well, her grandma sued her and I had to pay 3.5k for a lawyer. I also was receiving $200 in food stamps which she was using to buy groceries and a monthly disability check. She decided to start getting her vagina lazered and had the payments for that AND her goddamn student loans come out of the already limited amount if funds l received. I had to explain all that because it will ALSO be important later. Anyway, after about 3 months of watching her be happy with this new guy and receiving no action l decided to stop torturing myself and move in with my mother at the end of the month(roughly 3 weeks). Once l tell her this she begins to panic. A few days later we visit her mothers house, l wait in the car while she goes inside and complain to her parents about me moving out so quickly. Her dad comes out to ask me why l am moving out without giving his daughter time to save up and find a new job. He was thinking l was doing it to be spiteful, l proudly lied to his fucking face. Fast forward to a week after l am gone, she received a $200 bill from the apartment and demanded the money from me. I was thinking about giving it to her but she called me a lair when l told her l hadn’t been paid yet. (l hadn’t yet checked my account that day) But once l did l promptly paid my bills and bought some stuff then told her she’s too late, “l have no lettuce bruh”. This event inline with me blocking her number caused her to turn off my phone service(didn’t matter since my mom put me on hers the same day), tell my mom about what l bought and threaten to sue me when she realized she wasn’t getting another dime from me. The best part was the apartment tried to contact me about the outstanding balance, but since she cut off my phone, they were not able to call and had to email me(also important later). I was so happy to pull the rug out from under her financially, that is when I remembered, we renew the lease a few months before I moved out. About a month after l moved, I messaged one of her friends to see how see was doing(keep your friends close, and your enemies closer type shit) and l came to find out that she was struggling to find a job and waiting to be evicted. Well l immediately sent an email to the apartment stating that “l gave gf the money but she must’ve spent it since she lost her job, now she just waiting to be evicted”, l received no immediate response from the apartment. Three days later, the apartment emailed my gf and l and it said “It looks like the lease renewal did not take effect on x/x/22. I have emailed a new lease showing that the renewal lease will start on x/x/22.” I was over the goddamn moon that l won’t have an eviction on my rental history and my credit score won’t be negatively impacted. I promptly responded to the email with “l do NOT want to renew my lease.” And that was that. I didn’t hear from her much afterwards, somehow she was able to stay in the apartment, but I thought she would since her family lives in the ghetto and she doesn’t even her own room to go back to. I did message her asking for one of her friends, social media, but she blocked me. Fast forward to a few days ago, l come across an instagram reel of a reddit story being narrated in which the guy was cheating on his wife, got caught and forced into an open relationship(will link story in comments). This story was burned into my skull because this was briefly my life. I was in love with my ex and planned on marrying her, buying a house and starting a family with her. I am so fucking thankful l experienced this in a relationship with no stakes, no legal ties, or children. I was briefly put through what that poor sap in the reddit story has to endure for the rest of his waking days and they’re still married which means he has more to lose. Such an awful feeling l wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy and painful lesson that l am glad l learned.
submitted by jokingmandem760 to offmychest [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 04:45 LimeSauce1 AITA for setting pictures of my dead relatives and inviting my dad on a zoom call during my wedding/reception?

Throwaway account for private reasons.
I'm getting married in a few months. Although stressful, this have been going well so far. Earlier on in the planning, I had asked my fiance if I could invite my biological dad through zoom since he lives in a different country and can't travel. Although he is blind, I would still want him to be present. I also said that I would like to put portraits of my deceased grandparents from both maternal and paternal side, as well as my uncle from my maternal side. My fiance knows how important they are in my life, and he was really on bored with it. My future mother in law will be making custom ribbon with flowers matching the attire color for the portraits.
My mom was very upset when she found out. She said I shouldn't have my biological father there since he left me, and it's rude to my step-dad. And she said that having portraits of deceased people at a wedding is a bad omen. And even then, I shouldn't have my paternal grandparents in the picture.
I told her that these people were very important to me, and if they were able and alive, I would want them to be there. And I don't think it's a bad omen to honor people who cared for me.
She said she fine, but I had to take out my biological dad because he abandoned us. And if I don't uninvited him, she's not coming and further said I'm ungrateful. And she won't walk me down the isle.
I just walked away.
My dad did leave us, but prior to this, he attempted rehab 5 times but to no avail. He was sober one final time and lived with us, but broke it. He left a letter saying that him not raising me was for the best and he apologizes. I never hated him or held a grudge, though I was hurt. But he thought that was for the best (and my mom constantly nit picked my biological dad, they'd argue daily and yell at each other). I lost touch with him because my mom forbid.
I texted my mom and said I'm not uninviting my dad. And I hope she comes. But if not, I'll have my brother walk me down.
She texted saying I am being an ungrateful brat and can't even follow this one thing she asks. And I'm an asshole for choosing my deadbeat dad. And according to my brother, she tried to convince him not to walk me down.
My brother said, "although I hate our dad, it's your choice to invite him to your wedding. He didn't do anything bad to you. You're an adult. And you love your dad. I don't think you're an asshole, but understand where mom is coming from."
To note: my dad left when I was around 1st grade. He wasn't in my life much but I hold him dear. My maternal grandfather is my father figure, I love him very much. My maternal grandmother raised me when my mom was overseas for work. My uncle never ostracized me and would do my ridiculous requests just to make me happy. My paternal grandmother (my brother grew up with her, and I didn't spend much time with her), always welcomed me with excitement when I visited. I'm putting up my paternal grandfather's portrait out of respect for him (he served the country where I'm from, and I can't invite my paternal grandma without inviting him, she said they're always a pair).
submitted by LimeSauce1 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 04:45 Different-Cake-885 Should I be paranoid?

I (27 f) met this gorgeous Indian woman who works at the gas station by my house. I can tell English is not her first language but I can still understand her. I was attracted to her immediately, and Everytime I go there I feel happy to see her, like a little crush. After a few visits she asked me what my name was then told me hers. A couple visits later, which happened this past Friday, she gave me a piece of paper and pen and asked for my cell number, to which I happily obliged. She later texts me and wants to know if I have WhatsApp. I do not and don’t want to use it, I thought that scammers use that app but I could be wrong. She then follows me on Instagram and says she prefers messaging on there, I assume it’s because you can message on Instagram through wifi rather than text (she doesn’t have an iPhone). She asked when my birthday was and I told her. She said she lived in India, then Boston, then moved down here where I am for the last couple of months and wants to go to college and save up for a car etc. she said she wants to make good friends since she’s new to the area, but I’m nervous. Could this be a human trafficking situation? Is this a set up? How do I go about this with caution? She said her relative owns the gas station. I don’t want to miss out on a new friend or something more but better save than sorry. Any advice would be appreciated
submitted by Different-Cake-885 to TooAfraidToAsk [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 04:44 poetic_ascetic Should I go to her wedding or not ?

My relationship with my mother has always been bad. Since the day I can comprehend words I was the bad kid. Didn’t fully even understand how wrong it is, until my first year of uni where I was complimented ALOT (never in high school as I visibly looked mentally unstable) that shocked me so much I remember going back home telling her, “people said this about me and why don’t you say the same thing ?” Her response was “don’t want it to get into your head” didn’t fully understand it back then. Now I understand she just sees me as an extension of herself, she thinks she has ownership of everything in me. So whatever abuse I got she constantly puts herself in such self talk and situations of abusing herself. If she’s receiving the abuse (by others and herself) I deserve it too. My sister her lifelong enabler is getting married this July, now the past year things were going great, but when I was shamed and blamed by both of them for scooping myself some food in the first day of breaking my fast in Ramadan, I knew it’s over. For my mom I have no hesitation cutting her out, actually I’m late to that decision. But my sister, it means that I’ll not go to her wedding, I’ll not see her children, I’ll not talk to her. Knowing that she always used the same methods as my mom shaming, blaming, gaslighting, covert contracts and more.
I always had a soft spot for my little sister, the way I coped with her enabling behavior is that she doesn’t know better. I don’t feel resentment towards her, I honestly just think she’s an idiot who just follows instinctively to survive (albeit the wrong method ofc) it does hurt but nothing that I can’t handle, its nothing compared to my mom’s torture.
I just don’t have the confidence to be happy for her in her wedding, but that would be a big decision to not go to her wedding.
I even went to my brother’s wedding who abused me physically and emotionally my entire life (almost didn’t though, as he beat me up one day before his wedding, and went with a bruise in my elbow)
But the only reason I went was because my enabler sister convinced me gently and actually gave me the choice, unlike my mom who was threatening me.
I think just like me she wants to be loved and cherished and she’s finally getting separated from this family. Which I applaud her for but she choose all the wrong methods to do it and I can’t excuse her, smile to her face, or talk nonchalantly to her.
Why do you guys think ? Should I go to the wedding or not ?
Is cutting all ties is the answer ?
submitted by poetic_ascetic to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 04:44 SuperComplex93 What should I do (29 y/o female), do in this situation, with regards to this woman (73 y/o)?

I am somehow expected to make my grandmother happy. I am expected to make her life better & ‘serve’ her. What are your thoughts on this? I’m from South East Asia, where women are expected to put other people’s needs first, however this is creating a bit of stress in me because I’m going through tough times in my life. My grandmother’s wishes are for me to finish my studies fast, so I could be her “friend” & go here & there to have fun & enjoy life, basically for me to neglect my own life & serve her needs instead. When I was younger this was what I had to do, to be a pet to grandmother basically, her own daughters refused to do so (apparently grandmother was not a very loving mother), their daughters too are ‘offered’ to grandmother to be her pet. But grandmother only have a few favourites, the good looking ones basically, we are expected to be dutiful to her. Any sign of career ambition in the granddaughters is deemed as rebellion by her. However, because of the tough times I go through, it causes me to reevaluate my life & my values, I used to sacrifice my own needs to make others happy, I did that for a good 25 years, now I’m a few years older, I’m somehow still expected to do this. I don’t know why, but it’s like she wants to be someone that has authority over others, in this case it’s her grandkids (especially the granddaughters). Is this an adult child? Grandma used to be a farmer, she retired in her 50s, & now in her 70s, when she retired, she basically did nothing much in her life, just spent her time in her house & watch tv, her daughters (my mom & my aunts), take her out usually & sometimes on holiday, they’re dutiful women that believe in taking care of their parents (this belief bleeds to the grandkids generation, they are expected to ‘serve’ grandma). Should I just ignore the expectation & live my life?
submitted by SuperComplex93 to askwomenadvice [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 04:44 ThrowRAWoods I (22F) don't know in which direction things are going with my ex (21M).

Hello, I would like to share my story, the truth is I'm a little lost and I don't know what to do. Now, regarding my story, everything I will tell you from my perspective and my experience, I am a 22-year-old woman, who will soon be 23, I have had a boyfriend of 4 years, it should be noted that we were living together and after 6 months he left because everything was getting complicated, and he wanted, in his words "peace" he moved in with his mother again but we were still a couple, it was hard but I did my best, until January of this year when after several days feeling something strange about part of my partner, I don't know, call me crazy, but I've always believed that we women are more sensitive to certain things, I checked his cell phone. I know this is wrong, I'm aware of it, but curiosity was killing me and I wanted to vent my doubts. He and I have always managed that we both have complete access to each other and he always told me that I could check if I wanted, however, that day at dawn while he was sleeping when I took his cell phone, I noticed that my fingerprint was not registered, that made me it seemed very strange. But don't pay attention to it and enter the pattern that took me a few tries to remember and I agreed. I went directly to WhatsApp, but when I just opened the application I saw that I had restricted access and asked to place the fingerprint. Seeing that, I felt my chest sink. But nothing had happened yet to suspect, so I ran to check the fingerprints registered on the cell phone and I realize that mine was deleted. I was flabbergasted at that and again had a bad feeling. I registered my fingerprint and reopened WhatsApp, being there I didn't see anything out of the ordinary. I had some female contacts with whom he had spoken and well, despite being very affectionate conversations, there was nothing risqué. (Call me crazy again, but I know that the messages can be deleted so I wasn't too happy with what I saw.) So now I scroll to the images and review the folders in detail until in the screenshots I found a conversation where I kept a girl as: "Chaparra" and a princess emoji. And that single screenshot showed clearly that there was affection or flirting on both sides, my boyfriend said words like babe to that other person. At that point I started shaking and felt dizzy and wanted to cry. But I couldn't because I had him behind me. I kept checking and found more conversations, but the one that I mentioned earlier was the most remarkable and that today, that I am writing this, I am still suffering from it. I waited for him to wake up while I was dealing with the emotions, the trembling and the panic of the moment and trying to concentrate on my work fortunately at that moment what I had to do was not very important and I could wait or work on it slowly.
Once he woke up, I stared at him and as he finished yawning I asked him if he was having conversations with someone else. Right now I don't quite remember what happened after that, so I apologize if it's something inconsistent. He looked at me confused and I asked him what he was talking about, I confessed that he had accessed his phone and I noticed that he no longer had my fingerprint registered and WhatsApp requested that access. He looked at me even more confused and told me that he had no idea what had happened to my fingerprint (Something that now that I think about it, I feel that he was lying to me or pretending that it had been a mistake.) I told him that I had seen his conversations with several people and among them was the "chaparra", he looked at me seriously at all times and I asked him to explain what that was and why he had it saved with a name like that (I tried to look for it in his contacts, but I couldn't find it. So that he changed his name) He told me that this conversation was very old. To which I replied that he should not lie to me. It was recent, I knew it from the details of the screenshot as well as a photo of some bread rolls that was seen in the conversation that was from a week or two ago. I was shaking and trying not to cry and I asked him to tell me the truth. To which he was silent for a moment and then he looked at the side of my face and he told me that he no longer love me. At that moment I began to cry and I asked him how it was possible. We had a long conversation where he told me that he no longer felt the same way with me. That, if those conversations were real, but they didn't mean anything, they were just to fill a void. I really don't remember much of that conversation. In the middle of my tears I remember that I told him never to expect that from him and that he had hurt me a lot. I don't remember more after that. Since that day many things have happened, among them that he and I during February he came and went to my apartment, he made love to me with my consent of course, but he made me feel confused. In the last week of February he got too far away from me and I knew something was up again. He came again and I asked him what was wrong. He told me that he wanted to get away from me. That it was best not to see each other anymore. I suffered again. And I know some people will judge me. In a flood of tears I wrote him a letter telling him that he missed him and that he wanted us to come back. That we could fix everything and start over, it didn't matter if we had to go far away. I was willing to drop everything and go with him. He asked me for a while and two days later I despaired and called him. And he told me we couldn't go back. That if he did it, it would be out of pity and that I don't deserve that. And he hung up on me. After a couple of weeks, I was told by a mutual friend that he was having a hard time, so I called him. We talked for a while and I invited him to come to my apartment. He came. He burst into tears telling me that a relative had died and that he was going through many things and emotions. I consoled him and told him that I was here for him to vent, that I know he wouldn't come back to me, but he didn't expect anything in return. That I still love him and will always love him. And that if he needed a friend it would be his friend. After that once or twice a week he would come and we would talk on the phone, again we would make love every time we saw each other and we would talk over dinner and before bed. I swear, I knew that nothing was going to change and that he was not coming back. But I had a little hope and decided to wait. But now again I feel that he is moving away from me. And he is making me suffer again. I don't hate him one bit. Although at times I wished that I would hate him so that he would get away from me and let me heal. But I can not. I write all this because I don't feel the power to face him and explain my feelings and also that I don't know what the hell he wants and what is better for me or both. move away? I need advice for this situation. Just an honest opinion. An advice or a guide to see the path I should take. He is not a bad person. He was never like this before. All this is new. What should I do?
submitted by ThrowRAWoods to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.27 04:44 TheBoiFromAB 25 [M4F] Alberta/Online- Looking for my person

Well, I figured I'd maybe give this a shot again and hope. Thought I'd throw it out here right away, I'm looking for a relationship more than anything. So I'd prefer if you are ready and wanting a relationship before you message me.
A little about me, I'll start with what I consider the cons of me first so if you're not interested in me right away you don't have to waste your time reading this very long post lol. Firstly, when I start talking to someone new, I try to figure out how to communicate with you so I start off as quite quiet or reserved, dry could also work as well maybe? Once I get that down and I'm comfortable I usually start to get pretty goofy. I have ADHD, depression and anxiety. I have horrible time management skills, usually being late or somehow so early I could have slept for another hour. More to the regular stuff now, some of my shipping dimensions is as follows: 6FT Tall, an estimated 225 pounds with an added dad bod to boot. Blonde hair, blue eyes, glasses and 1 tattoo. My interests including golf and many other sports, gaming, cars, anime, reading and collecting pokemon cards just to name a few.
What I'm looking for is a happy, healthy relationship with a human that might actually like me, so we can go do cute stuff together, like dancing in the kitchen at 3am when there's no reason to be doing that. Someone who wants kids would be pretty neat, would definitely make my mom happy lol. In short someone who wants to build a life together and spend our days doing whatever we please. Physical appearance isn't a big deal, I tend to lean toward more petite alt girls(as told to me by like my 2 friends) but if we make each other happy and comfortable that's what matters most, with that age isn't of concern to me.
If I somehow seem like a person you're interested in, shoot me a message or chat. I will also only use discord as an outside of reddit chat. I will share atleast one selfie with you, if you'd like to share pictures.
Thanks for reading my messy weird post!
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2023.03.27 04:43 crimsonchaoswitch AITA for not just sucking it up and begging my grandmother's forgiveness.

So context, I (30 F) have always been really close to my grandparents (77 M and 82 F). In recent years, I've been the only person in the family that has helped them with whatever they need, even though their eldest child lives on their property.
In 2019, my grandfather co-signed on a house a block away from theirs for me and my brother. Recently, after multiple issues with roommates and taking in my parents after my father's heart attack, I was notified that my mortgage company was moving forward with foreclosure because I was so behind. I tried to make up the money but by Thanksgiving it was clear I wasn't going to be able to do so and had to ask my grandfather for help. Which I hate because I do my best to never have to ask for anything.
My grandmother found out about the situation. I'm not faulting her for being upset. Issues aside, it was my responsibility and I fucked up royally. I get that.
A week after was her birthday and when I went over to see her, she threw me out of her house with a snarky comment about how she didn't want a damn thing from me and how I couldn't have expected her to be happy about all of this. Fair enough. Before Christmas, she was scheduled for a minor surgery. I went down, as asked, to feed their animals and cleaned up her room. She barely spoke when they got home and I was informed before leaving that since she'd still be recovering, the family Christmas dinner was canceled. Read: She didn't want to see any of us. Fine. I figured.
Later she called saying she wanted to see my niece open up the babydoll they got her for christmas and I said I'd bring her to them, no problem. She then snarkily told me that the only thing she'd gotten anyone in the family was my niece because she thought the thousands of dollars she'd spent to save my house was enough. That stung, since my parents and brother hadn't done anything wrong but okay fine.
The snarky comments and attitude have not stopped since. I've been over several times since and she's either not spoken or bit my head off. This isn't the first time she's taken to making me feel like dirt under her foot and usually I suck up and beg for her to talk to me and forgive me but I'm so tired of it and hurt that this time I haven't. That's been the only change to my behavior. She calls, I come. I just don't beg. So now she's calling my mother and crying about how I've abandoned her and hurt her. Which I then have to hear and be told that I'm being petty and should just suck it up because that's 'how she is'. After she informed my mother she was going to start charging my brother and I $20 a month, each, to pay her back my mother doubled down on saying that I'm being petty and holding a grudge and should just suck it up and do the usual song and dance. Which I'm now outright refusing to do since it just feels like all she wants to do is rub my mistake in my face for the rest of her life.
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2023.03.27 04:42 shamystrawberry Conditionalism and soul sleep (Hell is not forever but conditional depending on the sin.) Is there anyone who believes this?

I'm almost done reading the whole Bible. And after all the analyzing and hearing God's voice, I'm starting to believe conditionalism and soul sleep more and more.
Here are some verse:
Thessalonians 4:13-18
13Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. 14We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 15According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18Therefore encourage each other with these words.
Ecclesiastes 12:7 says tells us what happens when a person dies. It says, “Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was; and the spirit shall return to God who gave it.” In other words, when a person dies, his or her spirit goes back to God, the body returns to dust and the soul of that person is no longer is alive. That is why Job 27:3 says, “All the while my breathe is in me, and the spirit of God is my nostrils.” The soul is the actual person. The Spirit is the life of the person.
Ecclesiastes 9:5 says, “For the living know that they will die, but the dead know not any thing.” What ascended into heaven. His body has turned to dust and his spirit is back with God and his soul no longer exist. If this is true for David, then it is also true for everybody else.
Daniel 12:1-3
12 “At that time shall arise Michael, the great prince who has charge of your people. And there shall be a time of trouble, such as never has been since there was a nation till that time. But at that time your people shall be delivered, everyone whose name shall be found written in the book. 2 And many of those who sleep in the dust of the earth shall awake, some to everlasting life, and some to shame and everlasting contempt. 3 And those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky above;[a] and those who turn many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever.
1 Corinthians 4:5
Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God.
Matthew 12:36
I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak,
Revelation 20:11-15
Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. From his presence earth and sky fled away, and no place was found for them. And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Then another book was opened, which is the book of life. And the dead were judged by what was written in the books, according to what they had done. And the sea gave up the dead who were in it, Death and Hades gave up the dead who were in them, and they were judged, each one of them, according to what they had done. Then Death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. This is the second death, the lake of fire. And if anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.
Here's a little extra:
We (Christians) will even help judge angels.
1 Corinthians 6:3
"Don’t you realize that we will judge angels? So you should surely be able to resolve ordinary disputes in this life."
John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 2:12
For all who have sinned without the law will also perish without the law, and all who have sinned under the law will be judged by the law.
Psalm 37:20
But the wicked shall perish, and the enemies of the LORD shall be as the fat of lambs: they shall consume; into smoke shall they consume away.
For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.
John 14:3
And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.
John 6:40 ESV
For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.
Revelation 20:4-6
Then I saw thrones, and seated on them were those to whom the authority to judge was committed. Also I saw the souls of those who had been beheaded for the testimony of Jesus and for the word of God, and those who had not worshiped the beast or its image and had not received its mark on their foreheads or their hands. They came to life and reigned with Christ for a thousand years. The rest of the dead did not come to life until the thousand years were ended. This is the first resurrection. Blessed and holy is the one who shares in the first resurrection! Over such the second death has no power, but they will be priests of God and of Christ, and they will reign with him for a thousand years.
Psalm 37:20
20 But the wicked will perish; the enemies of the Lord are like the glory of the pastures; they vanish—like smoke they vanish away.
Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Matthew 10:28
And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.
Revelation 21:4
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
1 Corinthians 15:53
For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality.
1 Corinthians 15:1-587
The Resurrection Body
35 But someone will ask, “How are the dead raised? With what kind of body do they come?” 36 You foolish person! What you sow does not come to life unless it dies. 37 And what you sow is not the body that is to be, but a bare kernel, perhaps of wheat or of some other grain. 38 But God gives it a body as he has chosen, and to each kind of seed its own body. 39 For not all flesh is the same, but there is one kind for humans, another for animals, another for birds, and another for fish. 40 There are heavenly bodies and earthly bodies, but the glory of the heavenly is of one kind, and the glory of the earthly is of another. 41 There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars; for star differs from star in glory.
42 So is it with the resurrection of the dead. What is sown is perishable; what is raised is imperishable. 43 It is sown in dishonor; it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness; it is raised in power. 44 It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body. 45 Thus it is written, “The first man Adam became a living being”;[e] the last Adam became a life-giving spirit. 46 But it is not the spiritual that is first but the natural, and then the spiritual. 47 The first man was from the earth, a man of dust; the second man is from heaven. 48 As was the man of dust, so also are those who are of the dust, and as is the man of heaven, so also are those who are of heaven. 49 Just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall[f] also bear the image of the man of heaven.
Mystery and Victory
50 I tell you this, brothers: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. 51 Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, 52 in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. 53 For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. 54 When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:
“Death is swallowed up in victory.” 55 “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”
56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
58 Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain
Job 14:11‭-‬15 KJV As the waters fail from the sea, And the flood decayeth and drieth up: So man lieth down, and riseth not: Till the heavens be no more, they shall not awake, Nor be raised out of their sleep. O that thou wouldest hide me in the grave, That thou wouldest keep me secret, until thy wrath be past, That thou wouldest appoint me a set time, and remember me! If a man die, shall he live again? All the days of my appointed time will I wait, Till my change come. Thou shalt call, and I will answer thee: Thou wilt have a desire to the work of thine hands.
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2023.03.27 04:41 ConsiderationOdd1090 I 33F don’t trust my mom 59F with my baby

I (33F) had my baby boy 3 months ago. He was in the NICU for a few days after being born but he’s doing fine now and generally I don’t have any anxiety about him - until it comes to my mom.
When I told her I was pregnant she got so excited and started to take over - going out and buying a moses basket, bath etc. for the baby, before I’d even had chance to research what I wanted to buy first. She just got the first things she could find on Facebook. I know a she was trying to help but it got a bit overwhelming.
She’d start ringing me every day asking me pregnancy questions getting more and more intrusive and that only got worse after he was born.
Because he was in the NICU and he was born just before Xmas we decided we weren’t going to let anyone hold him until he was 6 weeks old (after first jabs). Mom was not happy about this and kept trying to kiss him and talking to other family about me behind my back about how upset it was making her.
She’s also constantly giving me bad advice that I haven’t asked for - recommendations have changed since she had me but she thinks she knows best when I tell her about any normal baby related issue e.g. he didn’t poop for 9 days and she told me to give him water. He’s a breastfed baby so it’s normal and giving a baby water before 6 months is a no no.
When we did let her hold him she then wanted more - to feed him (which we’ve said we only want me and my partner to do), to pass him to my stepdad (who we definitely do not want holding him). And when she does hold him she just looks so awkward like she’s going to drop him any second - it makes me uneasy - but I don’t know if I’m just projecting that feeling.
She’s retired now so when I go back to work she’s offered to look after him 3 days a week to save me money on childcare but I don’t feel comfortable doing it. How do I get over feeling like this.
For context. I have an idea why I feel this way but I know she has changed since I was a kid so it shouldn’t be an issue any more.
When we were growing up my mom did her best but now I’m a mom there are things that just horrify me about my childhood.
She doesn’t smoke any more but she did while she was pregnant with me and smoked in the house while I was growing up even though I have asthma.
Mom and stepdad would be in the pub every night and we’d be dragged along with them. Staying until last orders even on a school night and then they’d come home and drink more (step dad is an alcoholic but is now sober)
Stepdad has a horrible temper and even if I say I don’t want my baby left alone with him I don’t think I can trust her not to do that behind my back as she doesn’t see anything wrong with him.
Help, I don’t know how to handle the situation. I don’t want to upset my mom but she’s not good with boundaries. I know she’s just a grandmother who is excited about her first grandchild. She’s retired and has more time on her hands now.
She’s already talking about “all the fun stuff her and baby will do together once mommy goes back to work” which is lovely but it puts me on edge - I don’t know if it’s just me feeling left out because I’ll be going back to work and missing out on having fun with baby myself. How can I get past the uneasiness of leaving him with her.
TLDR - mom wants to have baby 3 days a week when I go back to work but this makes me uneasy. Need advice on how to handle situation.
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