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Passages, quotes, and random takeaways from "Showboat: The Life of Kobe Bryant" (2016)
2023.05.05 22:59 clingklop Passages, quotes, and random takeaways from "Showboat: The Life of Kobe Bryant" (2016)
When it comes to Kobe Bryant, I only know him as a cultural icon, picked up from SLAM and ESPN, random basketball card information, and NBA Live video games. I pretty much just knew he was good and did not like Shaq (and Shaq did not like him.) Was curious about #8/#24 so read this book by Roland Lazenby
This book is a behemoth, clocking in at 628 pages. I have to admit that I basically skimmed the audiobook version towards the end with 2x speed audio. From what I got out of the book, Showboat tells the story of a person who was introverted and obsessive, and was extremely headstrong in his idea of excellence, which led to difficulty getting along with others. Like many people, I was curious to see how he would develop and grow as a person and what he could achieve with women’s basketball and other endeavors if not for the untimely helicopter crash.
This book is incredibly thorough, as it spends around 8 out of the 22 hours of the audiobook exclusively on the history of the nuclear family, including his parents' upbringing, how they met, and other related information. In addition, the book also explores Kobe's childhood in Italy while his father, Joe Bryant, played basketball there, and the times together as a family. Although the book was published in 2016, I'm glad it came out before Kobe Bryant's death, as I worry that future discussions of him will be clouded by hagiography. I'm not sure if it is definitive, but it will take a hell of a lot of work to knock it off its perch.
*Anyway, here's some random parts you may find interesting:
High School Kobe
submitted by clingklop to nbadiscussion [link] [comments]
This book is a behemoth, clocking in at 628 pages. I have to admit that I basically skimmed the audiobook version towards the end with 2x speed audio. From what I got out of the book, Showboat tells the story of a person who was introverted and obsessive, and was extremely headstrong in his idea of excellence, which led to difficulty getting along with others. Like many people, I was curious to see how he would develop and grow as a person and what he could achieve with women’s basketball and other endeavors if not for the untimely helicopter crash.
This book is incredibly thorough, as it spends around 8 out of the 22 hours of the audiobook exclusively on the history of the nuclear family, including his parents' upbringing, how they met, and other related information. In addition, the book also explores Kobe's childhood in Italy while his father, Joe Bryant, played basketball there, and the times together as a family. Although the book was published in 2016, I'm glad it came out before Kobe Bryant's death, as I worry that future discussions of him will be clouded by hagiography. I'm not sure if it is definitive, but it will take a hell of a lot of work to knock it off its perch.
*Anyway, here's some random parts you may find interesting:
High School Kobe
“I think that’s what turns a lot of people off about him, because they don’t understand that to be the very best, you have to do things that are not going to make you a likable person. You know, you have to sacrifice tons of things. People might think you’re arrogant, but you’re just focused, like there’s that line between him and everyone else. Like people always ask, ‘What was he like in high school? Was he an asshole? Was he this?’ No, he was just...he knew what he wanted to do at age, like, eight.”People said he reminded him of his Mom with that "Black Mamba" killer instinct.
"Bryant wasn’t a type A personality, [high school teammate] Robby Schwartz said. “It was more like type AAA.”
“That killer, that killer, is Pam Cox, man,” explained Mo Howard [family friend] with a laugh, an opinion repeated time and again among the couple’s friends. “She’s a beautiful woman, but there’s a side to her that’s cold-blooded killer.”How early Kobe carried himself in the league
"Howard Beck had begun covering the Lakers for the L.A. Daily News in that period and found Bryant surprisingly relaxed and genial, far different from how he was viewed by teammates.Kobe learns from his gurus
“He did not carry himself like this young phenom,” Beck recalled. “Much different, by the way, than what I later would see with LeBron James. You know, LeBron walked into the league feeling like he was the king, and acting like it. Kobe wasn’t like that. Kobe didn’t take on all the usual aspects of an NBA star, as we would think of them or the stereotype of them. He didn’t have an entourage. He didn’t wear jewelry. He didn’t have tattoos back then. He didn’t have a piercing.
“Kobe came in with a very squeaky-clean image, and he especially stood in contrast to his draft classmate Iverson, who came in as this brash hip-hop figure,” Beck observed. “Everybody was so caught up in the idea of street cred back then, and Kobe somehow didn’t have it because he was the wealthy suburban kid who grew up in Italy and then played in Lower Merion. He was mostly comfortable with who he was, but it bothered him that people would create these narratives of ‘Well, Iverson is the genuine guy because of the way he looks, and Kobe’s not genuine because of the way he looks and the way he speaks and where he was raised as a kid.’”
The inevitable comparisons with Philadelphia’s star guard intrigued Bryant as much as anyone. In a private moment with a trusted reporter friend, he would ask if people thought Iverson was a better player. “AI’s cool,” Bryant said. “We talk.”
On this and an array of questions, Bryant was relaxed and open with the media, Beck remembered. “I thought he was a really good dude. I enjoyed talking to him. There were no airs about him. He didn’t hold himself at a distance. Those early years, it was rare to ever hear him curse. Like, he wasn’t one to drop f-bombs in front of us. He wasn’t one to talk tough. He was just an easygoing kid.”
In some regards, Bryant was much like a child star, apart from the worldlier actors around him. He had no security guards keeping the world at bay in those days..."
"As the season wound to a close, Kobe expressed to a writer that he dreamed about playing for Tex Winter, the elderly Bulls assistant coach who had pioneered the triangle offense. Bryant had become infatuated with the system that had helped Jordan win six championships. The writer offered to set up a phone conversation between Bryant and Winter, who was still coaching for Chicago. They soon connected through long distance. It was Bryant’s first contact with the man who would become his mentor and defender."Kobe learns D from Payton
"Bryant was likewise interested in a conversation with Jordan himself, to seek more advice, and the writer provided Jordan’s number as well."
“What would you ask Michael?” the writer inquired.
"Bryant thought a long while and replied, “I would ask him how to incorporate math into the game.”
“I can tell him about that,” Jordan said with a chuckle when informed of the question later. The two began talking, and Bryant told a reporter that getting advice from Jordan “is like getting advice from that Buddha that sits on the top of the mountain, who has everything figured out and passes on some of his knowledge to the next guy who’s trying to climb that mountain.”
"The comparisons to Jordan had been yet another constant element that vexed teammates and staff alike. “No one was calling him the next Michael,” recalled veteran sports journalist J. A. Adande, “yet people were observing the way he patterned himself after Michael. It was a lot more pronounced at that time, but no one really thought he would ever warrant a serious comparison to Michael.”
"Another important moment at the All-Star Weekend came when Seattle’s Gary Payton helped Bryant understand screen-and-roll defense as the two got together during a spare moment. “I don’t think Gary knows how much he helped me,” offered Bryant, who demonstrated such dramatic defensive improvement afterward that he would wind up being named to the league’s All-Defensive First Team."Shaq's nickname for him was Showboat (the title)
"Bryant’s desire to dunk all the time brought his first nickname from O’Neal. He began calling Bryant “Showboat,” which, at the time, despite Bryant’s annoyance with the implied disrespect, didn’t seem like a big deal. O’Neal was constantly joking about everything, but the nickname would soon enough prove a burr in their relationship."”Black Mamba” was given to himself by himself.
"The alter ego to Showboat would be the nickname—Black Mamba—that Bryant created for himself to counter public disapproval in the wake of his sexual assault charges. Bryant had seized upon the killer snake in a Quentin Tarantino film as the perfect embodiment of his supposedly similarly remorseless competitive nature."… [much later on in the book] . . .
”In the context of a game, his move-off-the-dribble was absolutely threatening, reptilian, like a cobra mesmerizing its target before the strike (several years later, Bryant would name himself Black Mamba as a testament to the approach). His neck would arch oddly as he prepared to flex his fake and locked in his peripheral vision, surveying the floor without giving up his intention. “I can still see the court,” he explained. “Even if I have my head down sometimes, I can see it.”Inauspicious start with Phil Jackson
"As for the head coach, when Jackson was hired, Bryant had purchased his book Sacred Hoops and gone up to his hotel room in Los Angeles to greet him. Jackson had been intrigued at first, but the new head coach had a way of creating a void with his silence, with long pauses that left his players trying to figure him out. The coach had championships to win, and the young force of nature wearing number 8 clearly had the extra agenda of his own stardom. Bryant soon got the message that their relationship wasn’t going to be all that chummy."Kobe mastered the Triangle instantly
"“Kobe had a great line,” strength coach Chip Schaefer said. “He’s like, ‘Did any of you guys get TNT?’ Because, you know, the Bulls were on TV so much. It’s like he knew already, had completely mastered it. Before the first practice he knew. He certainly knew the right spots on the floor. He knew the right actions. He knew what he wanted to get out of it. It was amazing."During Shaq and Kobe’s feuding, Grant Hill’s could have been chose to replace Kobe, but Jackson kiboshed it
"It seemed that the team wasn’t about to trade the massive O’Neal, which meant that Bryant would have to go."...
“They made that offer,” said Charley Rosen. “Now, Grant Hill was, like, the super-teammate, intelligent, would have plugged into the triangle instantly, would have bought it. Great teammate, was at the top of his game. He still had, you know, injury questions, but Kobe that first year was really a problem for Phil. I said, ‘Make that trade. Get that fucking kid out of here. He’s driving you crazy. He’s not executing, he’s not relating to anybody. You could bring in this guy who is like a saint on the court, off the court."Solo Kobe later admits he wanted Shaq and Jackson to go
“‘Do it, do it,’” Rosen recalled telling Jackson, then added, “Phil wouldn’t do it. One reason was the age difference. Hill was five years older.”
"But there was another important reason why Jackson wouldn’t go for the trade. “Kobe,” the coach told Rosen, “has a competitive nature that is something that I can really relate to, something I can really appreciate.”
"As for his pointed denial that he had used his leverage to remove Phil Jackson as coach and to force O’Neal’s trade, Bryant would admit to journalist Ric Bucher years later that there was no way he was going to continue as a Laker if he had to keep working with the big center or the coach."Jackson gives his side
Bucher recalled that Bryant explained it this way: “There was no way that I was playing again with Shaq because I wanted to prove to all you motherfuckers that I didn’t need him.”
"Bryant would lose face further with the publication, late that fall of 2004, of Jackson’s book The Last Season, in which the “Zen Master” described the young guard as “uncoachable.” Jackson also confirmed for readers that he had requested that Bryant be traded. The book was also disparaging and somewhat dismissive of Jerry Buss himself, but Jackson identified Bryant as the true villain."Bryant on Jackson’s Mind Games
"Looking back, Bryant tried to address the matter with understatement: “Phil was trying to figure me out a little bit. One of the things I told him is, ‘There’s nothing to figure out. I’m just trying to play the game and learn the game the best I can.’ Once we got that established we started moving a little bit. But I didn’t get into his mind games. I had so many other things to think about with this game. I didn’t really have the time even to do that. I did notice Phil when he was trying to play mind games. It was funny. I found it funny.”Jackson on Jackson’s Mind Games
“I was very much on Kobe, riding him and working with him very hard earlier in his career, and had to back off, basically, to a point where he felt better about our relationship—where I wasn’t as restrictive with him,” Jackson admitted to the Los Angeles Times. “He felt I was always on him, always on him. He did too much, he tried to do too many things. The more I let him have, the better he got as a basketball player. The more I restricted or got restrictive with him, the more adamantly he would go about doing the things I didn’t want him to do.”Killer Instinct II
"As far back as he could remember, Kobe Bryant had longed to be “the man,” to dominate the game to such a degree that he could bask in the glow and recognition that came with it, with the entire basketball universe having to bow down before him and acknowledge his dominance."Bonus fact: Phil Jackson wanted the Triangle-trained, Swiss-army knife Pippen, but GM Jerry West and owner Buss would not go for it and Pippen thus went from Houston to Portland.
2023.05.05 04:22 clingklop Passages, quotes, and random takeaways from "Showboat: The Life of Kobe Bryant" (2016)
When it comes to Kobe Bryant, I only know him as a cultural icon, picked up from SLAM and ESPN, random basketball card information, and NBA Live video games. I pretty much just knew he was good and did not like Shaq (and Shaq did not like him.) Was curious about #8/#24 so read this book by Roland Lazenby
This book is a behemoth, clocking in at 628 pages. I have to admit that I basically skimmed the audiobook version towards the end with 2x speed audio. From what I got out of the book, Showboat tells the story of a person who was introverted and obsessive, and was extremely headstrong in his idea of excellence, which led to difficulty getting along with others. Like many people, I was curious to see how he would develop and grow as a person and what he could achieve with women’s basketball and other endeavors if not for the untimely helicopter crash.
This book is incredibly thorough, as it spends around 8 out of the 22 hours of the audiobook exclusively on the history of the nuclear family, including his parents' upbringing, how they met, and other related information. In addition, the book also explores Kobe's childhood in Italy while his father, Joe Bryant, played basketball there, and the times together as a family. Although the book was published in 2016, I'm glad it came out before Kobe Bryant's death, as I worry that future discussions of him will be clouded by hagiography. I'm not sure if it is definitive, but it will take a hell of a lot of work to knock it off its perch.
*Anyway, here's some random parts you may find interesting:
High School Kobe
submitted by clingklop to VintageNBA [link] [comments]
This book is a behemoth, clocking in at 628 pages. I have to admit that I basically skimmed the audiobook version towards the end with 2x speed audio. From what I got out of the book, Showboat tells the story of a person who was introverted and obsessive, and was extremely headstrong in his idea of excellence, which led to difficulty getting along with others. Like many people, I was curious to see how he would develop and grow as a person and what he could achieve with women’s basketball and other endeavors if not for the untimely helicopter crash.
This book is incredibly thorough, as it spends around 8 out of the 22 hours of the audiobook exclusively on the history of the nuclear family, including his parents' upbringing, how they met, and other related information. In addition, the book also explores Kobe's childhood in Italy while his father, Joe Bryant, played basketball there, and the times together as a family. Although the book was published in 2016, I'm glad it came out before Kobe Bryant's death, as I worry that future discussions of him will be clouded by hagiography. I'm not sure if it is definitive, but it will take a hell of a lot of work to knock it off its perch.
*Anyway, here's some random parts you may find interesting:
High School Kobe
“I think that’s what turns a lot of people off about him, because they don’t understand that to be the very best, you have to do things that are not going to make you a likable person. You know, you have to sacrifice tons of things. People might think you’re arrogant, but you’re just focused, like there’s that line between him and everyone else. Like people always ask, ‘What was he like in high school? Was he an asshole? Was he this?’ No, he was just...he knew what he wanted to do at age, like, eight.”People said he reminded him of his Mom with that "Black Mamba" killer instinct.
"Bryant wasn’t a type A personality, [high school teammate] Robby Schwartz said. “It was more like type AAA.”
“That killer, that killer, is Pam Cox, man,” explained Mo Howard [family friend] with a laugh, an opinion repeated time and again among the couple’s friends. “She’s a beautiful woman, but there’s a side to her that’s cold-blooded killer.”How early Kobe carried himself in the league
"Howard Beck had begun covering the Lakers for the L.A. Daily News in that period and found Bryant surprisingly relaxed and genial, far different from how he was viewed by teammates.Kobe learns from his gurus
“He did not carry himself like this young phenom,” Beck recalled. “Much different, by the way, than what I later would see with LeBron James. You know, LeBron walked into the league feeling like he was the king, and acting like it. Kobe wasn’t like that. Kobe didn’t take on all the usual aspects of an NBA star, as we would think of them or the stereotype of them. He didn’t have an entourage. He didn’t wear jewelry. He didn’t have tattoos back then. He didn’t have a piercing.
“Kobe came in with a very squeaky-clean image, and he especially stood in contrast to his draft classmate Iverson, who came in as this brash hip-hop figure,” Beck observed. “Everybody was so caught up in the idea of street cred back then, and Kobe somehow didn’t have it because he was the wealthy suburban kid who grew up in Italy and then played in Lower Merion. He was mostly comfortable with who he was, but it bothered him that people would create these narratives of ‘Well, Iverson is the genuine guy because of the way he looks, and Kobe’s not genuine because of the way he looks and the way he speaks and where he was raised as a kid.’”
The inevitable comparisons with Philadelphia’s star guard intrigued Bryant as much as anyone. In a private moment with a trusted reporter friend, he would ask if people thought Iverson was a better player. “AI’s cool,” Bryant said. “We talk.”
On this and an array of questions, Bryant was relaxed and open with the media, Beck remembered. “I thought he was a really good dude. I enjoyed talking to him. There were no airs about him. He didn’t hold himself at a distance. Those early years, it was rare to ever hear him curse. Like, he wasn’t one to drop f-bombs in front of us. He wasn’t one to talk tough. He was just an easygoing kid.”
In some regards, Bryant was much like a child star, apart from the worldlier actors around him. He had no security guards keeping the world at bay in those days..."
"As the season wound to a close, Kobe expressed to a writer that he dreamed about playing for Tex Winter, the elderly Bulls assistant coach who had pioneered the triangle offense. Bryant had become infatuated with the system that had helped Jordan win six championships. The writer offered to set up a phone conversation between Bryant and Winter, who was still coaching for Chicago. They soon connected through long distance. It was Bryant’s first contact with the man who would become his mentor and defender."Kobe learns D from Payton
"Bryant was likewise interested in a conversation with Jordan himself, to seek more advice, and the writer provided Jordan’s number as well."
“What would you ask Michael?” the writer inquired.
"Bryant thought a long while and replied, “I would ask him how to incorporate math into the game.”
“I can tell him about that,” Jordan said with a chuckle when informed of the question later. The two began talking, and Bryant told a reporter that getting advice from Jordan “is like getting advice from that Buddha that sits on the top of the mountain, who has everything figured out and passes on some of his knowledge to the next guy who’s trying to climb that mountain.”
"The comparisons to Jordan had been yet another constant element that vexed teammates and staff alike. “No one was calling him the next Michael,” recalled veteran sports journalist J. A. Adande, “yet people were observing the way he patterned himself after Michael. It was a lot more pronounced at that time, but no one really thought he would ever warrant a serious comparison to Michael.”
"Another important moment at the All-Star Weekend came when Seattle’s Gary Payton helped Bryant understand screen-and-roll defense as the two got together during a spare moment. “I don’t think Gary knows how much he helped me,” offered Bryant, who demonstrated such dramatic defensive improvement afterward that he would wind up being named to the league’s All-Defensive First Team."Shaq's nickname for him was Showboat (the title)
"Bryant’s desire to dunk all the time brought his first nickname from O’Neal. He began calling Bryant “Showboat,” which, at the time, despite Bryant’s annoyance with the implied disrespect, didn’t seem like a big deal. O’Neal was constantly joking about everything, but the nickname would soon enough prove a burr in their relationship."”Black Mamba” was given to himself by himself.
"The alter ego to Showboat would be the nickname—Black Mamba—that Bryant created for himself to counter public disapproval in the wake of his sexual assault charges. Bryant had seized upon the killer snake in a Quentin Tarantino film as the perfect embodiment of his supposedly similarly remorseless competitive nature."… [much later on in the book] . . .
”In the context of a game, his move-off-the-dribble was absolutely threatening, reptilian, like a cobra mesmerizing its target before the strike (several years later, Bryant would name himself Black Mamba as a testament to the approach). His neck would arch oddly as he prepared to flex his fake and locked in his peripheral vision, surveying the floor without giving up his intention. “I can still see the court,” he explained. “Even if I have my head down sometimes, I can see it.”Inauspicious start with Phil Jackson
"As for the head coach, when Jackson was hired, Bryant had purchased his book Sacred Hoops and gone up to his hotel room in Los Angeles to greet him. Jackson had been intrigued at first, but the new head coach had a way of creating a void with his silence, with long pauses that left his players trying to figure him out. The coach had championships to win, and the young force of nature wearing number 8 clearly had the extra agenda of his own stardom. Bryant soon got the message that their relationship wasn’t going to be all that chummy."Kobe mastered the Triangle instantly
"“Kobe had a great line,” strength coach Chip Schaefer said. “He’s like, ‘Did any of you guys get TNT?’ Because, you know, the Bulls were on TV so much. It’s like he knew already, had completely mastered it. Before the first practice he knew. He certainly knew the right spots on the floor. He knew the right actions. He knew what he wanted to get out of it. It was amazing."During Shaq and Kobe’s feuding, Grant Hill’s could have been chose to replace Kobe, but Jackson kiboshed it
"It seemed that the team wasn’t about to trade the massive O’Neal, which meant that Bryant would have to go."...
“They made that offer,” said Charley Rosen. “Now, Grant Hill was, like, the super-teammate, intelligent, would have plugged into the triangle instantly, would have bought it. Great teammate, was at the top of his game. He still had, you know, injury questions, but Kobe that first year was really a problem for Phil. I said, ‘Make that trade. Get that fucking kid out of here. He’s driving you crazy. He’s not executing, he’s not relating to anybody. You could bring in this guy who is like a saint on the court, off the court."Solo Kobe later admits he wanted Shaq and Jackson to go
“‘Do it, do it,’” Rosen recalled telling Jackson, then added, “Phil wouldn’t do it. One reason was the age difference. Hill was five years older.”
"But there was another important reason why Jackson wouldn’t go for the trade. “Kobe,” the coach told Rosen, “has a competitive nature that is something that I can really relate to, something I can really appreciate.”
"As for his pointed denial that he had used his leverage to remove Phil Jackson as coach and to force O’Neal’s trade, Bryant would admit to journalist Ric Bucher years later that there was no way he was going to continue as a Laker if he had to keep working with the big center or the coach."Jackson gives his side
Bucher recalled that Bryant explained it this way: “There was no way that I was playing again with Shaq because I wanted to prove to all you motherfuckers that I didn’t need him.”
"Bryant would lose face further with the publication, late that fall of 2004, of Jackson’s book The Last Season, in which the “Zen Master” described the young guard as “uncoachable.” Jackson also confirmed for readers that he had requested that Bryant be traded. The book was also disparaging and somewhat dismissive of Jerry Buss himself, but Jackson identified Bryant as the true villain."Bryant on Jackson’s Mind Games
"Looking back, Bryant tried to address the matter with understatement: “Phil was trying to figure me out a little bit. One of the things I told him is, ‘There’s nothing to figure out. I’m just trying to play the game and learn the game the best I can.’ Once we got that established we started moving a little bit. But I didn’t get into his mind games. I had so many other things to think about with this game. I didn’t really have the time even to do that. I did notice Phil when he was trying to play mind games. It was funny. I found it funny.”Jackson on Jackson’s Mind Games
“I was very much on Kobe, riding him and working with him very hard earlier in his career, and had to back off, basically, to a point where he felt better about our relationship—where I wasn’t as restrictive with him,” Jackson admitted to the Los Angeles Times. “He felt I was always on him, always on him. He did too much, he tried to do too many things. The more I let him have, the better he got as a basketball player. The more I restricted or got restrictive with him, the more adamantly he would go about doing the things I didn’t want him to do.”Killer Instinct II
"As far back as he could remember, Kobe Bryant had longed to be “the man,” to dominate the game to such a degree that he could bask in the glow and recognition that came with it, with the entire basketball universe having to bow down before him and acknowledge his dominance."Bonus fact: Phil Jackson wanted the Triangle-trained, Swiss-army knife Pippen, but GM Jerry West and owner Buss would not go for it and Pippen thus went from Houston to Portland.
2023.05.04 00:17 d_lk_t_by_vwl_pls R4R Draft
40 [M4F] Seattle – Approximately One-Thousand One-Hundred and Twenty Words
At the suggestion of a friend who had a happy ending to her r4r experience, I've decided to try posting here and see what happens.
I have traditionally met my romantic partners online, going back to the wild-west days of SparkMatch and LiveJournal, but since online dating became the norm (and since Tinder reduced online dating to impulsive swiping) I’ve come to realize that the dehumanization and objectification inherent in modern dating apps isn’t for me.
Maybe Reddit can capture some of that old-school mind-to-mind connection that characterized online dating in the pre-swipe era?
A bit about me:
Wordy subculture kid who somehow wound up becoming an attorney after getting my foot in the door as a Bay Area motorcycle courier. Have achieved the elusive work-life balance and developed a rewarding practice that leaves me with plenty of time for relationships and personal growth.
My volumetric shit compressor is pretty much fully functional; I'm not perfect, but I have things together in terms of my mental health (have an awesome therapist and have put in the work), my physical health (kettlebells, stairclimbs, ebike), and my lived environment (tidy, leaning towards minimalist, but not OCD).
Have never been married and do not have any children. I do have a lovely pair of black cats.
My hobbies and interests tend towards the crafty/cerebral; I enjoy making and fixing things, and always have at least a few projects underway. My favorite authors include Kim Stanley Robinson, William Gibson, and Ursula LeGuin. Am kind of an old-school (TOS/TNG/DS9) Trekkie. My musical taste is centered around electro-industrial/goth, leavened with a fair amount of folk, classical, and 80s/synth stuff.
My politics tend towards the left end of the spectrum, but I’m not the soapbox type. When it comes to gender politics I consider myself a socialist before I consider myself a feminist; my sense is that it is inauthentic for a man to claim the mantle of feminism. I find the whole redpill phenomenon abhorrent and repulsive, and have no tolerance for racism, sexism, xenophobia, or nationalism (maybe something to do with all that Star Trek as a kid). Am nonreligious.
In terms of physical characteristics, I’m 183cm tall, about 75kg with a slender build, am reasonably fit, and have fair skin, some freckles, blue-grey eyes, and elfin features.
Gemini with a weird chart, if it matters.
A bit about you:
You are in a similar situation vis-à-vis your work, inner life, health, space, and relationships. Which is to say you are a fellow professional or student who has her life sorted in a way that allows for the development of a healthy and life-affirming romance. I often find myself attracted to scientists and artists, but discipline is not a big deal as long as you like what you do.
Your wardrobe is mostly black. You have an infatuation with or tendency towards ritual. You’re the type who thinks that celebrating the passage of the full moon or watching the solstice sunset with her partner is romantic. You like the clouds, the rain, and the soft glow of the city at night.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, you live in or near Seattle.
A bit about my philosophy of relationships and what I'm looking for:
I believe that a successful relationship boils down to two people identifying and articulating their values, finding out where their shared values harmonize, and being honest with each other about whether any differences can be bridged. This, plus a healthy dose of mutual physical attraction/microbiome compatibility (the elusive "chemistry") is what good things are made of.
To that end I place a lot of importance on openness, honesty, and empathetic frankness; I don't like to let things go unsaid, and I think it is important to mindfully discuss experience of being in a relationship in a way that is sensitive and mutually respectful. Put another way, I have a strong drive for analysis and conflict resolution.
Compatibility in the kitchen is as important to me as compatibility in the bedroom. Cooking together and sharing jointly prepared meals is a big deal for me, and I see the mealtime ballet as kind of a money-where-your-mouth-is demonstration of shared preferences and values.
I am seeking a life partner or at least a long-term relationship; I have no real interest in casual sex or friends-with-benefits arrangements. As a lawyer and a socialist I am skeptical of marriage as a state institution, but am open to other manifestations of commitment. I also tend to take things fairly slowly; I don't get physical unless there’s a mutual and developing emotional connection.
Some things that have been dealbreakers for others:
I don't own an automobile. I've spent my adult life on two wheels, I live downtown, and I can't justify the hassle of keeping a car in the urban core. Accordingly, I'd prefer to date someone in Seattle proper, ideally within walking distance of downtown, but definitely in bike range.
I have long hair. Yes, I take care of it. But I know some women find it unattractive.
I am pretty emphatically monogamous. I have, at my partner's request, experimented with non-monogamy and have learned that it is not for me. This is less about jealousy and more about emotional bandwidth and intensity of the connections I tend to and prefer to form.
I have rather libertine values towards gendesexual expression and drug use. Provided that everyone involved is acting in good faith and not endangering their own or others' health, I embrace an ethic of nonjudgment. Have tried—or at least observed—pretty much everything. That said, I have generally avoided hard street drugs and anonymous sex. Would prefer the same.
My dealbreakers:
I cannot have a healthy relationship with someone who is an alcoholic or a heavy drinker. I am not a teetotaler, but I drink only rarely due to a family history of alcoholism.
I am not interested in cohabitation within the first year or two of a relationship. I don't care if you live with roommates or communally, have your own place, whatever, but I've identified premature cohabitation as a significant driver of failure romantic relationships, and given that I am seeking a life partner, am not keen to rush the decision to live together.
While the world is full of lovely and amazing people, I’m not looking to meet people who are outside of western Washington, or really, outside of Seattle—it’s hard to form a deep and lasting connection across an ocean or a mountain range.
If most or all of this sounds reasonable, and you're not put off by the word count, please reach out and tell me a bit about yourself or ask me a question or two. :)
submitted by d_lk_t_by_vwl_pls to u/d_lk_t_by_vwl_pls [link] [comments]
At the suggestion of a friend who had a happy ending to her r4r experience, I've decided to try posting here and see what happens.
I have traditionally met my romantic partners online, going back to the wild-west days of SparkMatch and LiveJournal, but since online dating became the norm (and since Tinder reduced online dating to impulsive swiping) I’ve come to realize that the dehumanization and objectification inherent in modern dating apps isn’t for me.
Maybe Reddit can capture some of that old-school mind-to-mind connection that characterized online dating in the pre-swipe era?
A bit about me:
Wordy subculture kid who somehow wound up becoming an attorney after getting my foot in the door as a Bay Area motorcycle courier. Have achieved the elusive work-life balance and developed a rewarding practice that leaves me with plenty of time for relationships and personal growth.
My volumetric shit compressor is pretty much fully functional; I'm not perfect, but I have things together in terms of my mental health (have an awesome therapist and have put in the work), my physical health (kettlebells, stairclimbs, ebike), and my lived environment (tidy, leaning towards minimalist, but not OCD).
Have never been married and do not have any children. I do have a lovely pair of black cats.
My hobbies and interests tend towards the crafty/cerebral; I enjoy making and fixing things, and always have at least a few projects underway. My favorite authors include Kim Stanley Robinson, William Gibson, and Ursula LeGuin. Am kind of an old-school (TOS/TNG/DS9) Trekkie. My musical taste is centered around electro-industrial/goth, leavened with a fair amount of folk, classical, and 80s/synth stuff.
My politics tend towards the left end of the spectrum, but I’m not the soapbox type. When it comes to gender politics I consider myself a socialist before I consider myself a feminist; my sense is that it is inauthentic for a man to claim the mantle of feminism. I find the whole redpill phenomenon abhorrent and repulsive, and have no tolerance for racism, sexism, xenophobia, or nationalism (maybe something to do with all that Star Trek as a kid). Am nonreligious.
In terms of physical characteristics, I’m 183cm tall, about 75kg with a slender build, am reasonably fit, and have fair skin, some freckles, blue-grey eyes, and elfin features.
Gemini with a weird chart, if it matters.
A bit about you:
You are in a similar situation vis-à-vis your work, inner life, health, space, and relationships. Which is to say you are a fellow professional or student who has her life sorted in a way that allows for the development of a healthy and life-affirming romance. I often find myself attracted to scientists and artists, but discipline is not a big deal as long as you like what you do.
Your wardrobe is mostly black. You have an infatuation with or tendency towards ritual. You’re the type who thinks that celebrating the passage of the full moon or watching the solstice sunset with her partner is romantic. You like the clouds, the rain, and the soft glow of the city at night.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, you live in or near Seattle.
A bit about my philosophy of relationships and what I'm looking for:
I believe that a successful relationship boils down to two people identifying and articulating their values, finding out where their shared values harmonize, and being honest with each other about whether any differences can be bridged. This, plus a healthy dose of mutual physical attraction/microbiome compatibility (the elusive "chemistry") is what good things are made of.
To that end I place a lot of importance on openness, honesty, and empathetic frankness; I don't like to let things go unsaid, and I think it is important to mindfully discuss experience of being in a relationship in a way that is sensitive and mutually respectful. Put another way, I have a strong drive for analysis and conflict resolution.
Compatibility in the kitchen is as important to me as compatibility in the bedroom. Cooking together and sharing jointly prepared meals is a big deal for me, and I see the mealtime ballet as kind of a money-where-your-mouth-is demonstration of shared preferences and values.
I am seeking a life partner or at least a long-term relationship; I have no real interest in casual sex or friends-with-benefits arrangements. As a lawyer and a socialist I am skeptical of marriage as a state institution, but am open to other manifestations of commitment. I also tend to take things fairly slowly; I don't get physical unless there’s a mutual and developing emotional connection.
Some things that have been dealbreakers for others:
I don't own an automobile. I've spent my adult life on two wheels, I live downtown, and I can't justify the hassle of keeping a car in the urban core. Accordingly, I'd prefer to date someone in Seattle proper, ideally within walking distance of downtown, but definitely in bike range.
I have long hair. Yes, I take care of it. But I know some women find it unattractive.
I am pretty emphatically monogamous. I have, at my partner's request, experimented with non-monogamy and have learned that it is not for me. This is less about jealousy and more about emotional bandwidth and intensity of the connections I tend to and prefer to form.
I have rather libertine values towards gendesexual expression and drug use. Provided that everyone involved is acting in good faith and not endangering their own or others' health, I embrace an ethic of nonjudgment. Have tried—or at least observed—pretty much everything. That said, I have generally avoided hard street drugs and anonymous sex. Would prefer the same.
My dealbreakers:
I cannot have a healthy relationship with someone who is an alcoholic or a heavy drinker. I am not a teetotaler, but I drink only rarely due to a family history of alcoholism.
I am not interested in cohabitation within the first year or two of a relationship. I don't care if you live with roommates or communally, have your own place, whatever, but I've identified premature cohabitation as a significant driver of failure romantic relationships, and given that I am seeking a life partner, am not keen to rush the decision to live together.
While the world is full of lovely and amazing people, I’m not looking to meet people who are outside of western Washington, or really, outside of Seattle—it’s hard to form a deep and lasting connection across an ocean or a mountain range.
If most or all of this sounds reasonable, and you're not put off by the word count, please reach out and tell me a bit about yourself or ask me a question or two. :)
2023.04.12 02:44 aguyyouprobablyknow aguyyouprobablyknow's 2-round mock draft with trades and explanations.
Hello. This is a test of the newly unveiled AMDS, or Automated Mock Draft System. This revolutionary new technology can simulate trades, make picks against the grain of popular consensus, and even royally fuck everything up for every team! Fun fact: the automated part is actually my brain.
I did a one round mock draft last year with no trades, and so I decided to expand my scope this year, making a two rounder with explanations and trades. Keep in mind a few things for this mock:
The New York Jets send 2.42 and a conditional 3rd round 2024 pick that could become a second to the Green Bay Packers for QB Aaron Rodgers.
It’s going to happen at some point. New York gears up to be super bowl contenders in a strong AFC East while the Packers see what they’ve got in Jordan Love. I think that this trade compensation should be good, considering Rodgers’ age and contract, but then again, I may be stupid.
With that, let’s get started.
1.01, Carolina Panthers: CJ Stroud, QB, OSU.
Every indication that I’ve seen says the Panthers want to win right now. As in, two days ago would’ve been a better time to start winning. The team is already decently well constructed while playing in what looks like a pathetic division next year. With the smoke coming out around their infatuation with Stroud, Frank Reich’s preferences for taller QBs, and some…words that were said (see “I’ll see you on the court in Charlotte”) most people are mocking Stroud to the Panthers right now. However, I also believe that Stroud has the highest floolowest bust potential of any QB in the class. His throws are gorgeous, he hasn’t dealt with many injuries, and he throws well to every part of the field. Of course, his pocket presence could be better, but I believe that Stroud’s accuracy and touch put him over Young for the Panthers’ needs.
1.02, Houston Texans: Anthony Richardson, QB, Florida.
HOLD ON! The Texans are in the exact opposite position as the Panthers: this is a team that has very, very little talent. Derek Stingley, Laremy Tunsil, Dameon Pierce and Jalen Pitre are all good. Outside of that, it’s all either not good or unknowns. The pass catching group is likely worst in the NFL, with Brandin Cooks gone and John Metchie III being an unknown due to being unable to play last season. Before doing research for this mock, I had no idea who a single player on the Texans’ D-line was, nor any of their tight ends (it turns out that they had signed Dalton Schultz, which I had completely forgotten about. Neat.). Therefore, the Texans elect to go with the QB with sky high potential but a low floor, letting him sit behind Davis Mills for another year before he has to do anything. Richardson posting a 10.00 RAS showed how truly freaky he could be at the professional level, and considering he’d only started at quarterback for one year, I don’t think that any of his problems should be considered unfixable. Richardson provides an opportunity for the Texans to have insane quarterback play for years to come.
TRADE! The Tennessee Titans send 1.11, 2.41, a 2024 1st and 2nd and 2025 3rd for 1.03.
With Bryce Young making it to Arizona’s pick, they decide to start shopping for suitors. We’ve heard whispers about Tennessee wanting to trade up to both #1 and #3, so they send a package that’s a little smaller than the one San Francisco sent to get Trey Lance in 2021. Arizona is also in a bad, bad spot right now, and honestly just needs to get better across the board. Extra picks will help them do that. Yippee.
1.03, Tennessee Titans: Bryce Young, QB, Alabama.
This one’s obvious. Young is considered to be QB1 by many people, and has shown immense promise in his decision making and ability to create plays under pressure. Tennessee gets to move on from Tannehill and try to compete in a comparatively weak AFC south. But also lmao he’s short get this Kyler Murray COD lookin ass outta here he should go undrafted.
1.04 Indianapolis Colts: Will Levis, QB, Kentucky.
This one’s also a little obvious. Indy has a bridge QB, Levis is raw but still shows a lot of potential, and also he really likes mayonnaise, which is a plus in my book. He’s also been linked to the Colts quite a bit, and so the Colts hope to finally get off of the QB Carousel, but they don’t know that Mr. Bones’ wild ride never ends.
1.05, Seattle Seahawks: Will Anderson Jr., EDGE, Alabama.
Wow, another obvious pick, somebody shoot me! Seattle needs to get pressure on opposing QBs, and Will Anderson has arguably been the best EDGE in the nation since he got to college. He’s put up amazing stats in every year of his career against top-level SEC competition, and I believe he’s the best overall player in the draft. Seattle makes it out with a steal after a QB crazed first four picks.
1.06, Detroit Lions: Jalen Carter, DT, Georgia.
I know, Lions fans, it makes me a little nervous too. Carter’s recent…let’s call them “exploits”, have made him into a gigantic question mark. If he stays out of trouble, which I think Dan Campbell will help with, he could be the unquestionable best player in the draft. Carter just does insane things when he’s on his game, things that I haven’t seen replicated by other DTs, and I think that the risk is worth the upside here. Just, make sure to tone down the motor in MCDC, okay Dan?
1.07, Las Vegas Raiders: Christian Gonzalez, CB Oregon.
Raiders fans are happy that they don’t have to worry about yet another first round pick busting for behavioral issues. Gonzalez is the best corner in a very, very deep class, which I think says a lot about how talented he is. He’s seemingly able to just blanket anyone and everyone, and his addition would go a long way towards making the Raiders defense respectable. Not good, respectable. You’re gonna need more than a corner to make that trainwreck good.
1.08, Atlanta Falcons: Tyree Wilson, EDGE, Texas.
Atlanta is very similar to the Seahawks in my mind, except just kind of worse across the board. They’re even somehow worse at sacking the QB, so they decide to grab a big and versatile edge to hopefully give CPR to this poor dying bird. Wilson is another toolsy guy, but he actually put up some good stats in his latest season, leading to a rapid rise on draft boards. I would also put some more aid on the line later in the draft, because Grady Jarrett deserves it.
1.09, Chicago Bears: Paris Johnson Jr., OT, OSU.
FUCK YOU, RANDOM PJJ HATER! I DID THIS ONLY TO SPITE YOU! Kidding. But seriously, Paris Johnson provides excellent line play wherever you want him to be. He kind of reminds me of Alijah-Verah Tucker in that way, except he’s built like the most wonderfully stereotypical tackle you could ask for. PJJ is a maestro in pass protection, not giving up a sack in the 2022 season, and only giving up one (I believe) last season. Considering the fact that Justin Fields was the most sacked QB in the league last year, this should help. And if it doesn’t, move on.
1.10, Philadelphia Eagles: Devon Witherspoon, CB, Illinois
If you put a Blood Marine from Warhammer 40k in at cornerback (well, and you made him smaller and not kill the other players), I think he might play a lot like Devon Witherspoon. Spoonman comes together with his hands often, meaning that he’s relentlessly aggressive in both press man and run defense. Seriously, look up some of this guy’s run defense highlights, it’s insane. Witherspoon bolsters an already strong defense, and can keep the CB position strong in the face of possible departures after this year.
1.11, Arizona Cardinals: Peter Skoronski, OT, Northwestern.
Again, Arizona needs help across the board, and I think Skoronski is the best player on the board right now. Despite the fact that he may be an extant species of Tyrannosaurus, he’s so impressively technical that it might not matter. Even if he can’t play tackle, he should be a pro-bowl caliber guard, and I think that the entire Arizona O-line could use improvement.
1.12, Houston Texans: Myles Murphy, EDGE, Clemson.
Houston decides to bank on traits again, believing in DeMeco Ryans’ ability to develop players. Murphy is similar to another edge prospect in Lukas Van Ness, being athletically gifted but very raw, but I believe that Murphy has shown more promise to develop into something more. He’s shown more technique and started rather than being a backup. Murphy helps freshen up a downright rotten defensive line.
1.13, New York Jets, Broderick Jones, OT, Georgia.
Big man coming through! New York’s biggest need with QB taken care of is O-line. AVT is very, very good, and Mekhi Becton is good when he’s healthy, but Mekhi Becton has seemed to develop a sudden and severe allergy to football fields. Therefore, New York decides to take the disgustingly good run blocker in Broderick Jones, who has the physical tools to develop into a great pass blocker as well. This helps both Breece Hall and Aaron Rodgers, so it really only makes sense.
1.14, New England Patriots: Joey Porter JR, CB, Penn State.
I hate the Pats so goddamn much. You dominate the Steelers for 20 years and then you take our beloved player’s son? You will rue this day, you clam chowder eating, funny-talking, grey weather-having boobs. Anyways, JPJ is long. Like, really long. As in, I think he can challenge Stretch Armstrong in terms of longness. He’s also really good at covering WRs, and the Pats really need someone that can do that, so here he goes.
1.15, Green Bay Packers: Lukas Van Ness, EDGE, Iowa.
The Midwest strikes again! The packers need help on the edge, and they think that Mr. Big and Strong himself, Lukas Van Ness, can help out. Although I will admit that I don’t fully understand Van Ness’ rise, there has to be something propelling him into high placements, so I’ll have him go here. Also, I find it hilarious how Green Bay refuses to take a receiver in the first and so I will continue that trend.
1.16, Washington Commanders: Deonte Banks, CB, Maryland.
“That thing…hand it over… your last top tier cornerback”, Ron “Slave Knight to Snyder” Rivera, 2023. Banks’ athletic profile is scarily similar to Marshon Lattimore, and his game film is good enough to make you believe that he could be that caliber of player too. Washington needs help in the secondary, so they draft a good secondary player. Who could’ve guessed.
TRADE! The Buffalo Bills send 1.27 and 2.59 to the Pittsburgh Steelers for 1.17.
This board has fallen terribly for Pittsburgh. All the top tackles, gone. All the top corners, gone. None of the players left truly feel good for Pittsburgh to take, so they go on a long and unimaginably boring journey for suitors to trade back with. Additionally, Pittsburgh has enough needs that grabbing more picks is a great idea. Coincidentally, a very good player has fallen, and Buffalo has a need that is fulfilled by that player, so with that…
1.17, Buffalo Bills: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, WR, OSU.
The fall stops here. Smith-Njigba is most peoples’ WR1 after an outstanding combine, where his 3-cone time was genuinely elite. This lines up with his tape, where he seemed genuinely uncoverable at times, slipping and sliding everywhere like that time I fell into the KFC deep fryer. Buffalo is down bad for another good WR; I watched a good number of games last year, and every time that Stefon Diggs wasn’t busting everything apart, I just noticed how fucking bad Gabe Davis and Isaiah Mackenzie were. Sure, Gabe popped off against the Chiefs in the playoffs two years ago, but what has he done since then? It definitely isn’t separate. Isaiah Mackenzie is just overall not good. JSN fills a huge need for Buffalo, and hopefully puts them back in the driver’s seat for 2023, along with Von Miller returning from an ACL tear.
1.18: Detroit Lions: Bijan Robinson, RB, Texas.
It was this or a TE, Lions fans, and I know that every time someone takes a TE in the first round of a mock draft you end up like the cover of Carissa’s Wierd’s Songs About Leaving. I don’t think you need an EDGE here with how Aidan Hutchinson and James Houston played last year, and you already have great WRs and IDL with the addition of Jalen Carter, so Bijan it is. Robinson is an amazing, Saquon-level prospect, and it says a lot about the shifting landscape of the NFL (wow, this is just like Cube [1997]) that he falls to 17 now. Bijan will make this already impressive offense into a genuine world-breaker, as long as Jared Goff keeps playing well. Win a playoff game for MCDC, boys.
1.19, Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Nolan Smith, EDGE, Georgia.
Tampa Bay has suddenly fallen apart. You got dismantled in the wild card against Dallas, lost Tom Brady, and now the team looks like goddamn roadkill. One of the biggest, most fetid pieces of roadkill is the EDGE room. You ain’t got nothing. So get something, one helping of really, really fast pass rusher. Smith showed off his speed at the combine, but it’s his teammates that show he’s a locker room leader. He should be a solid tool for the rebuild.
1.20, Seattle Seahawks: Calijah Kancey, DT, Pitt.
Seattle has had enough. They are going to kill a quarterback. After adding Dre’mont Jones and Will Anderson, Kancey will be the final piece to world domination. Kancey is a small and short pass rushing specialist, but god-motherfucking-damn does he rush the pass well. His run defense is hot and cold, where he’ll have plays where he penetrates like a well-made spear, and others where he just doesn’t do anything because his length can hold him back. What matters here is that Seattle is going to fucking Joe Theismann someone with this line. Pick a god and pray that it is not yours.
1.21, Miami Dolphins: #Ripbozo.
1.21, Los Angeles Chargers: Jordan Addison, WR, USC.
I am a certified Jordan Addison stan. I think he comps very well to Calvin Ridley, who, as you might know, has had a lot of success in the NFL. Chargers need help at WR outside of big bodied and oft-injured dudes, and Addison fills both those roles as a smooth operator.
1.22, Baltimore Ravens: Zay Flowers, WR, Boston College.
“Ravens GM Eric DeCosta was seen driving around Baltimore desperately trying to contact Lamar Jackson, begging him to say. Reports say that he has been nonstop calling & texting Lamar & his family in an attempt to convince the former MVP to stay in Baltimore.”
1.23, Minnesota Vikings: Bryan Breese, DT, Clemson.
SODA! The Vikings are weird. One the one hand, you won the NFC north last year and posted a great record, especially in one score games. You beat some really good teams like Buffalo, but everybody saw holes all year that were confirmed in the wild card game. One of the most major holes is defensive tackle, and I don’t believe you’ve patched that up in free agency, so here you go. Breese was a potential top-5 pick this time last year, but personal tragedy limited how well he could play. I don’t blame him for it, but he just hasn’t shown enough on the field to merit a super high selection. However, his potential is up there with some of the top players in this class, which would be a huge boon to a relatively weak Minnesota defense.
1.24, Jacksonville Jaguars: O’Cyrus Torrence, OG, Florida.
Give Trevor Lawrence some more protection. I also believe that this is a much deeper TE class than guard class, so grab a great guard prospect here while you can and a good TE later. Torrence is an absolute mauler, and damn good at pass protection too; he held up to #6 pick Jalen Carter when they went up against each other. Additionally, he has an amazing drive to get better, moving from the Raging Cajuns’ to Florida mainly so he could play against better competition. This is a good one Jacksonville, have fun.
1.25, New York Giants: Quentin Johnston, WR, TCU.
Originally I had Johnston going to the Texans at 12 in a Texans move, but after seeing his measurables I decided to drop him to 25. It’s not that he’s a bad prospect, just that he’s not going nearly as high as many of us thought before the combine and pro days. The G-men need help at receiver pretty badly, and Johnston could provide a good number of different roles if he’s coached up properly.
1.26, Dallas Cowboys: Michael Mayer, TE, Notre Dame.
While I know many don’t value tight ends highly, I think they’re a very underrated part of great offenses. Every team in the divisional round last season had a good-to-great TE, and I think Mayer can be just what the Dallas offense needs. Mayer projects to be a reliable, Heath Miller type player that never seems to truly break the game open but instead is just always there as a safety blanket. Just don’t use him as your only lineman on the last play of the game, please. It would be hilarious if you did again though, so I take that last sentence back.
1.27, Pittsburgh Steelers: Darnell Wright, OT, Tennessee.
That was a good trade back. Wright is seen as a decently high first rounder by some, and most people don’t complain if he’s taken at 17. Getting him at 27 feels like an absolute steal (wait a minute I’m making this mock draft why am I talking about feelings). Although Wright’s best games were at RT, he’s also played at LT, which provides us flexibility in how we want to adjust the line. Personally, I think I’d rather try and play Chuk’wuma Okorafor at LT again rather than put Wright at LT again, but again, there’s flexibility. Pittsburgh’s line should be genuinely good with this addition + Isaac Seumalo.
1.28, Cincinnati Bengals: Darnell Washington, TE, Georgia.
The Darnell twins go back-to-back, and I’m not saying that just because their names are both Darnell. Washington blocks like a goddamn offensive lineman while also being a scary threat in the passing game, with his frame alone letting him moss almost anyone. Cincinnati improves pass protection, run blocking and receiving in one pick. Nice.
1.29, New Orleans Saints: Will McDonald IV, EDGE, Iowa State.
The Saints are another weird team to me. They don’t seem anywhere near good enough to compete, and yet they refuse to give up, continually pushing cap back while the team seems to crumble around them. With this, they at least address a need. McDonald is a good prospect, but I haven’t seen much about him overall, which is kind of weird. Oh well.
1.30, Philadelphia Eagles: Drew Sanders, LB, Arkansas
Drew Sanders is an interesting prospect: one year at the position, but he was surprisingly good. He seemed to be all over the field, and especially great at blitzes. Philly lost TJ Edwards in free agency, and hopes that Sanders & Nakobe Dean will be more than adequate replacements.
1.31, Kansas City Chiefs: Felix-Anudike Uzomah, EDGE, Northwestern.
Frank Clark needs to be replaced, even if he wasn’t that good in the regular season, and I think FAU provides a great high floor option. He runs with an insane motor, never giving up throughout the game which just elevates his floor. He definitely has room to grow, but for a team looking to just run it back I think a more ready-to-go player fits best.
2.32, Pittsburgh Steelers: Mazi Smith, DT, Michigan.
Look out for the big fella! At this point, explanations will be a lot shorter for both brevity and sanity. Pittsburgh needs a NT, gets one with insane potential.
2.33, Houston Texans: Jalin Hyatt, WR, Tennessee.
Jalin Hyatt go fast. Jalin Hyatt go fast down field after catching ball from Richardson and score touchdown. Yay.
2.34, Arizona Cardinals: Cam Smith, CB, South Carolina.
Smith is solid as a fringe first-round talent corner.
2.35, Indianapolis Colts: Josh Downs, WR, North Carolina.
Downs provides a great option for the incoming Young after being Drake Maye’s main target last season.
2.36, Los Angeles Rams: Anton Harrison, OT, Oklahoma.
Whitworth leaving has LA in a damn hole. Climb out of it with Anton.
2.37, Seattle Seahawks: John Michael Schmitz, C, Minnesota.
Operation Supersize Me is full go.
2.38, Las Vegas Raiders: Brian Branch, S, Alabama.
A poor showing at the combine causes a genuinely great player to fall, but the Raiders essentially need him.
2.39, Carolina Panthers: Keion White, EDGE, Georgia Tech.
I honestly don’t know much about Keion White. Uhhhh, pretend I said something funny here.
2.40, New Orleans Saints: Dalton Kincaid, TE, Utah.
Kincaid has great potential, but speaking as someone with back injuries, back injuries in football players scare me.
2.41, Arizona Cardinals via Tennessee Titans: Jahmyr Gibbs, RB, Alabama.
I will admit, this one was tough. Gibbs provides a lot to your offense though, and I think that with the extra picks from the trade you can afford a RB.
2.42, Green Bay Packers via New York Jets: Dawand Jones, T, OSU.
B I G B O Y. L O N G B O Y
2.43, New York Jets: Jack Campbell, LB, Iowa.
Campbell is my personal favorite linebacker in the draft. Good grab.
2.44, Atlanta Falcons: Kelee Ringo, CB, Georgia.
The world’s most hated corner. I think he can still be good though, especially with AJ Terrell on the other side.
2.45, Green Bay Packers: Luke Musgrave, TE, Oregon State.
A tight end instead of a wide receiver? How original Green Bay.
2.46, New England Patriots: Matthew Bergeron, OT, Syracuse.
Isaiah Wynn? More like Isaiah LOSE (your job to a rookie)!!!11!
2.47, Washington Commanders: Trenton Simpson, LB, Clemson
Replacing Cole Holcomb is the amazingly athletic Simpson.
2.48, Detroit Lions: Emmanuel Forbes, CB, Mississippi State.
Size concerns cause Forbes to fall, because when players are told to get skinny I don’t think this is what was meant.
2.49, Pittburgh Steelers: Julius Brents, CB, Kansas State
Brents is the best of the remaining CBs, and I foresee a run on them happening soon.
2.50, Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Hendon Hooker, QB, Tennessee.
MID-OFF MID-OFF MID-OFF!
2.51, Miami Dolphins: Sam LaPorta, TE, Iowa.
While OL is a big need, the dolphins can’t resist adding even more YAC ability. Insert “Tua can’t throw the ball deep” joke here.
2.52, Seattle Seahawks: Steve Avila, IOL,
More. MORE. MORE. MOOOOOOOOOOORRREEE!
2.53, Chicago Bears: B.J. Ojulari, EDGE, LSU.
Heh. BJ.
2.54, Los Angeles Chargers: Keeanu Benton, DT, Wisconsin.
While EDGE is a need, I think Bosa and Mack can hold down the fort for now. DT betta.
2.55, Detroit Lions. Again: Adetomiwa Adeboware, EDGE/DT, Northwestern.
Adeboware projects as a bit of a tweener, being able to play either edge or DT. Detroit could make use of either, so see where he plays better and use him that way.
2.56, Jacksonville Jaguars: Clark Phillips III, CB, Utah.
I’d argue the secondary in Jacksonville needs to be better overall, doesn’t really matter what specific position they play right now. And so it becomes.
2.57, New York Giants: Cody Mauch, IOL, North Dakota State.
Mauch may not be the tackle we hoped he could be due to length, but he'll still be a good guard.
2.58, Dallas Cowboys: Daiyan Henley, LB, Washington State.
LB is a decent need, Henley is pretty good, and the board’s not great for Dallas.
2.59, Pittsburgh Steelers via Buffalo Bills: Joe Tippman, Center, Wisconsin
The Steelers have been linked to a lot of center-capable prospects like JMS and Avila, and I’m not a huge fan of the fit of these other prospects.
2.60, Cin City Bongos: DJ Turner, CB, Michigan.
It’s DJ Turner guys! This is just great!
2.61, Chicago Bears: Luke Wypler, Center, OSU.
You are no longer in center hell. You’re free now. Please rest.
2.62, Philadelphia Eagles: Isaiah Foskey
Add another guy to the rotation, why don’t you? It’s not like you almost set the record for sacks in a season last year.
2.63, Kansas City Chiefs: Cedric Tillman, WR, Tennessee.
Probably a reach here, but the board and KC’s position dictated it if they wanted help after Juju’s departure.
2.64, Chicago Bears: Gervon Dexter, DT, Florida.
Dexter runs a little hot and cold but overall, I like his game. Again, helps to fill a need.
Holy shit it's done. This took half a week and was genuinely painful to make at times. New information and team moves changed explanations and picks, which felt like it brought the whole house of cards down. Thanks for reading this and I hope you enjoyed doing so. If not, you're welcome for the wasted time.
submitted by aguyyouprobablyknow to NFL_Draft [link] [comments]
I did a one round mock draft last year with no trades, and so I decided to expand my scope this year, making a two rounder with explanations and trades. Keep in mind a few things for this mock:
- This is neither exclusively predictive or what I would do. This is a bit more of a thought experiment to make an interesting and at least semi-realistic mock.
- I have a bad sense of humor and it leaks into my writing. So, if you don’t enjoy fun, please don’t continue and complain about it in the comments.
- I can’t keep up with every move your team makes. If I get something wrong, please don’t scream at me. Now, if I completely screw up your mock, feel free to scream, because that’s completely warranted.
- I don’t have time to watch film, so I can only go off of what other evaluators see on tape. If you think that Poeseph Robinius III doesn’t fit your team because his game against the Northwestern Fried Turkey Legs shows all of his flaws, thanks for telling me.
The New York Jets send 2.42 and a conditional 3rd round 2024 pick that could become a second to the Green Bay Packers for QB Aaron Rodgers.
It’s going to happen at some point. New York gears up to be super bowl contenders in a strong AFC East while the Packers see what they’ve got in Jordan Love. I think that this trade compensation should be good, considering Rodgers’ age and contract, but then again, I may be stupid.
With that, let’s get started.
1.01, Carolina Panthers: CJ Stroud, QB, OSU.
Every indication that I’ve seen says the Panthers want to win right now. As in, two days ago would’ve been a better time to start winning. The team is already decently well constructed while playing in what looks like a pathetic division next year. With the smoke coming out around their infatuation with Stroud, Frank Reich’s preferences for taller QBs, and some…words that were said (see “I’ll see you on the court in Charlotte”) most people are mocking Stroud to the Panthers right now. However, I also believe that Stroud has the highest floolowest bust potential of any QB in the class. His throws are gorgeous, he hasn’t dealt with many injuries, and he throws well to every part of the field. Of course, his pocket presence could be better, but I believe that Stroud’s accuracy and touch put him over Young for the Panthers’ needs.
1.02, Houston Texans: Anthony Richardson, QB, Florida.
HOLD ON! The Texans are in the exact opposite position as the Panthers: this is a team that has very, very little talent. Derek Stingley, Laremy Tunsil, Dameon Pierce and Jalen Pitre are all good. Outside of that, it’s all either not good or unknowns. The pass catching group is likely worst in the NFL, with Brandin Cooks gone and John Metchie III being an unknown due to being unable to play last season. Before doing research for this mock, I had no idea who a single player on the Texans’ D-line was, nor any of their tight ends (it turns out that they had signed Dalton Schultz, which I had completely forgotten about. Neat.). Therefore, the Texans elect to go with the QB with sky high potential but a low floor, letting him sit behind Davis Mills for another year before he has to do anything. Richardson posting a 10.00 RAS showed how truly freaky he could be at the professional level, and considering he’d only started at quarterback for one year, I don’t think that any of his problems should be considered unfixable. Richardson provides an opportunity for the Texans to have insane quarterback play for years to come.
TRADE! The Tennessee Titans send 1.11, 2.41, a 2024 1st and 2nd and 2025 3rd for 1.03.
With Bryce Young making it to Arizona’s pick, they decide to start shopping for suitors. We’ve heard whispers about Tennessee wanting to trade up to both #1 and #3, so they send a package that’s a little smaller than the one San Francisco sent to get Trey Lance in 2021. Arizona is also in a bad, bad spot right now, and honestly just needs to get better across the board. Extra picks will help them do that. Yippee.
1.03, Tennessee Titans: Bryce Young, QB, Alabama.
This one’s obvious. Young is considered to be QB1 by many people, and has shown immense promise in his decision making and ability to create plays under pressure. Tennessee gets to move on from Tannehill and try to compete in a comparatively weak AFC south. But also lmao he’s short get this Kyler Murray COD lookin ass outta here he should go undrafted.
1.04 Indianapolis Colts: Will Levis, QB, Kentucky.
This one’s also a little obvious. Indy has a bridge QB, Levis is raw but still shows a lot of potential, and also he really likes mayonnaise, which is a plus in my book. He’s also been linked to the Colts quite a bit, and so the Colts hope to finally get off of the QB Carousel, but they don’t know that Mr. Bones’ wild ride never ends.
1.05, Seattle Seahawks: Will Anderson Jr., EDGE, Alabama.
Wow, another obvious pick, somebody shoot me! Seattle needs to get pressure on opposing QBs, and Will Anderson has arguably been the best EDGE in the nation since he got to college. He’s put up amazing stats in every year of his career against top-level SEC competition, and I believe he’s the best overall player in the draft. Seattle makes it out with a steal after a QB crazed first four picks.
1.06, Detroit Lions: Jalen Carter, DT, Georgia.
I know, Lions fans, it makes me a little nervous too. Carter’s recent…let’s call them “exploits”, have made him into a gigantic question mark. If he stays out of trouble, which I think Dan Campbell will help with, he could be the unquestionable best player in the draft. Carter just does insane things when he’s on his game, things that I haven’t seen replicated by other DTs, and I think that the risk is worth the upside here. Just, make sure to tone down the motor in MCDC, okay Dan?
1.07, Las Vegas Raiders: Christian Gonzalez, CB Oregon.
Raiders fans are happy that they don’t have to worry about yet another first round pick busting for behavioral issues. Gonzalez is the best corner in a very, very deep class, which I think says a lot about how talented he is. He’s seemingly able to just blanket anyone and everyone, and his addition would go a long way towards making the Raiders defense respectable. Not good, respectable. You’re gonna need more than a corner to make that trainwreck good.
1.08, Atlanta Falcons: Tyree Wilson, EDGE, Texas.
Atlanta is very similar to the Seahawks in my mind, except just kind of worse across the board. They’re even somehow worse at sacking the QB, so they decide to grab a big and versatile edge to hopefully give CPR to this poor dying bird. Wilson is another toolsy guy, but he actually put up some good stats in his latest season, leading to a rapid rise on draft boards. I would also put some more aid on the line later in the draft, because Grady Jarrett deserves it.
1.09, Chicago Bears: Paris Johnson Jr., OT, OSU.
FUCK YOU, RANDOM PJJ HATER! I DID THIS ONLY TO SPITE YOU! Kidding. But seriously, Paris Johnson provides excellent line play wherever you want him to be. He kind of reminds me of Alijah-Verah Tucker in that way, except he’s built like the most wonderfully stereotypical tackle you could ask for. PJJ is a maestro in pass protection, not giving up a sack in the 2022 season, and only giving up one (I believe) last season. Considering the fact that Justin Fields was the most sacked QB in the league last year, this should help. And if it doesn’t, move on.
1.10, Philadelphia Eagles: Devon Witherspoon, CB, Illinois
If you put a Blood Marine from Warhammer 40k in at cornerback (well, and you made him smaller and not kill the other players), I think he might play a lot like Devon Witherspoon. Spoonman comes together with his hands often, meaning that he’s relentlessly aggressive in both press man and run defense. Seriously, look up some of this guy’s run defense highlights, it’s insane. Witherspoon bolsters an already strong defense, and can keep the CB position strong in the face of possible departures after this year.
1.11, Arizona Cardinals: Peter Skoronski, OT, Northwestern.
Again, Arizona needs help across the board, and I think Skoronski is the best player on the board right now. Despite the fact that he may be an extant species of Tyrannosaurus, he’s so impressively technical that it might not matter. Even if he can’t play tackle, he should be a pro-bowl caliber guard, and I think that the entire Arizona O-line could use improvement.
1.12, Houston Texans: Myles Murphy, EDGE, Clemson.
Houston decides to bank on traits again, believing in DeMeco Ryans’ ability to develop players. Murphy is similar to another edge prospect in Lukas Van Ness, being athletically gifted but very raw, but I believe that Murphy has shown more promise to develop into something more. He’s shown more technique and started rather than being a backup. Murphy helps freshen up a downright rotten defensive line.
1.13, New York Jets, Broderick Jones, OT, Georgia.
Big man coming through! New York’s biggest need with QB taken care of is O-line. AVT is very, very good, and Mekhi Becton is good when he’s healthy, but Mekhi Becton has seemed to develop a sudden and severe allergy to football fields. Therefore, New York decides to take the disgustingly good run blocker in Broderick Jones, who has the physical tools to develop into a great pass blocker as well. This helps both Breece Hall and Aaron Rodgers, so it really only makes sense.
1.14, New England Patriots: Joey Porter JR, CB, Penn State.
I hate the Pats so goddamn much. You dominate the Steelers for 20 years and then you take our beloved player’s son? You will rue this day, you clam chowder eating, funny-talking, grey weather-having boobs. Anyways, JPJ is long. Like, really long. As in, I think he can challenge Stretch Armstrong in terms of longness. He’s also really good at covering WRs, and the Pats really need someone that can do that, so here he goes.
1.15, Green Bay Packers: Lukas Van Ness, EDGE, Iowa.
The Midwest strikes again! The packers need help on the edge, and they think that Mr. Big and Strong himself, Lukas Van Ness, can help out. Although I will admit that I don’t fully understand Van Ness’ rise, there has to be something propelling him into high placements, so I’ll have him go here. Also, I find it hilarious how Green Bay refuses to take a receiver in the first and so I will continue that trend.
1.16, Washington Commanders: Deonte Banks, CB, Maryland.
“That thing…hand it over… your last top tier cornerback”, Ron “Slave Knight to Snyder” Rivera, 2023. Banks’ athletic profile is scarily similar to Marshon Lattimore, and his game film is good enough to make you believe that he could be that caliber of player too. Washington needs help in the secondary, so they draft a good secondary player. Who could’ve guessed.
TRADE! The Buffalo Bills send 1.27 and 2.59 to the Pittsburgh Steelers for 1.17.
This board has fallen terribly for Pittsburgh. All the top tackles, gone. All the top corners, gone. None of the players left truly feel good for Pittsburgh to take, so they go on a long and unimaginably boring journey for suitors to trade back with. Additionally, Pittsburgh has enough needs that grabbing more picks is a great idea. Coincidentally, a very good player has fallen, and Buffalo has a need that is fulfilled by that player, so with that…
1.17, Buffalo Bills: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, WR, OSU.
The fall stops here. Smith-Njigba is most peoples’ WR1 after an outstanding combine, where his 3-cone time was genuinely elite. This lines up with his tape, where he seemed genuinely uncoverable at times, slipping and sliding everywhere like that time I fell into the KFC deep fryer. Buffalo is down bad for another good WR; I watched a good number of games last year, and every time that Stefon Diggs wasn’t busting everything apart, I just noticed how fucking bad Gabe Davis and Isaiah Mackenzie were. Sure, Gabe popped off against the Chiefs in the playoffs two years ago, but what has he done since then? It definitely isn’t separate. Isaiah Mackenzie is just overall not good. JSN fills a huge need for Buffalo, and hopefully puts them back in the driver’s seat for 2023, along with Von Miller returning from an ACL tear.
1.18: Detroit Lions: Bijan Robinson, RB, Texas.
It was this or a TE, Lions fans, and I know that every time someone takes a TE in the first round of a mock draft you end up like the cover of Carissa’s Wierd’s Songs About Leaving. I don’t think you need an EDGE here with how Aidan Hutchinson and James Houston played last year, and you already have great WRs and IDL with the addition of Jalen Carter, so Bijan it is. Robinson is an amazing, Saquon-level prospect, and it says a lot about the shifting landscape of the NFL (wow, this is just like Cube [1997]) that he falls to 17 now. Bijan will make this already impressive offense into a genuine world-breaker, as long as Jared Goff keeps playing well. Win a playoff game for MCDC, boys.
1.19, Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Nolan Smith, EDGE, Georgia.
Tampa Bay has suddenly fallen apart. You got dismantled in the wild card against Dallas, lost Tom Brady, and now the team looks like goddamn roadkill. One of the biggest, most fetid pieces of roadkill is the EDGE room. You ain’t got nothing. So get something, one helping of really, really fast pass rusher. Smith showed off his speed at the combine, but it’s his teammates that show he’s a locker room leader. He should be a solid tool for the rebuild.
1.20, Seattle Seahawks: Calijah Kancey, DT, Pitt.
Seattle has had enough. They are going to kill a quarterback. After adding Dre’mont Jones and Will Anderson, Kancey will be the final piece to world domination. Kancey is a small and short pass rushing specialist, but god-motherfucking-damn does he rush the pass well. His run defense is hot and cold, where he’ll have plays where he penetrates like a well-made spear, and others where he just doesn’t do anything because his length can hold him back. What matters here is that Seattle is going to fucking Joe Theismann someone with this line. Pick a god and pray that it is not yours.
1.21, Miami Dolphins: #Ripbozo.
1.21, Los Angeles Chargers: Jordan Addison, WR, USC.
I am a certified Jordan Addison stan. I think he comps very well to Calvin Ridley, who, as you might know, has had a lot of success in the NFL. Chargers need help at WR outside of big bodied and oft-injured dudes, and Addison fills both those roles as a smooth operator.
1.22, Baltimore Ravens: Zay Flowers, WR, Boston College.
“Ravens GM Eric DeCosta was seen driving around Baltimore desperately trying to contact Lamar Jackson, begging him to say. Reports say that he has been nonstop calling & texting Lamar & his family in an attempt to convince the former MVP to stay in Baltimore.”
1.23, Minnesota Vikings: Bryan Breese, DT, Clemson.
SODA! The Vikings are weird. One the one hand, you won the NFC north last year and posted a great record, especially in one score games. You beat some really good teams like Buffalo, but everybody saw holes all year that were confirmed in the wild card game. One of the most major holes is defensive tackle, and I don’t believe you’ve patched that up in free agency, so here you go. Breese was a potential top-5 pick this time last year, but personal tragedy limited how well he could play. I don’t blame him for it, but he just hasn’t shown enough on the field to merit a super high selection. However, his potential is up there with some of the top players in this class, which would be a huge boon to a relatively weak Minnesota defense.
1.24, Jacksonville Jaguars: O’Cyrus Torrence, OG, Florida.
Give Trevor Lawrence some more protection. I also believe that this is a much deeper TE class than guard class, so grab a great guard prospect here while you can and a good TE later. Torrence is an absolute mauler, and damn good at pass protection too; he held up to #6 pick Jalen Carter when they went up against each other. Additionally, he has an amazing drive to get better, moving from the Raging Cajuns’ to Florida mainly so he could play against better competition. This is a good one Jacksonville, have fun.
1.25, New York Giants: Quentin Johnston, WR, TCU.
Originally I had Johnston going to the Texans at 12 in a Texans move, but after seeing his measurables I decided to drop him to 25. It’s not that he’s a bad prospect, just that he’s not going nearly as high as many of us thought before the combine and pro days. The G-men need help at receiver pretty badly, and Johnston could provide a good number of different roles if he’s coached up properly.
1.26, Dallas Cowboys: Michael Mayer, TE, Notre Dame.
While I know many don’t value tight ends highly, I think they’re a very underrated part of great offenses. Every team in the divisional round last season had a good-to-great TE, and I think Mayer can be just what the Dallas offense needs. Mayer projects to be a reliable, Heath Miller type player that never seems to truly break the game open but instead is just always there as a safety blanket. Just don’t use him as your only lineman on the last play of the game, please. It would be hilarious if you did again though, so I take that last sentence back.
1.27, Pittsburgh Steelers: Darnell Wright, OT, Tennessee.
That was a good trade back. Wright is seen as a decently high first rounder by some, and most people don’t complain if he’s taken at 17. Getting him at 27 feels like an absolute steal (wait a minute I’m making this mock draft why am I talking about feelings). Although Wright’s best games were at RT, he’s also played at LT, which provides us flexibility in how we want to adjust the line. Personally, I think I’d rather try and play Chuk’wuma Okorafor at LT again rather than put Wright at LT again, but again, there’s flexibility. Pittsburgh’s line should be genuinely good with this addition + Isaac Seumalo.
1.28, Cincinnati Bengals: Darnell Washington, TE, Georgia.
The Darnell twins go back-to-back, and I’m not saying that just because their names are both Darnell. Washington blocks like a goddamn offensive lineman while also being a scary threat in the passing game, with his frame alone letting him moss almost anyone. Cincinnati improves pass protection, run blocking and receiving in one pick. Nice.
1.29, New Orleans Saints: Will McDonald IV, EDGE, Iowa State.
The Saints are another weird team to me. They don’t seem anywhere near good enough to compete, and yet they refuse to give up, continually pushing cap back while the team seems to crumble around them. With this, they at least address a need. McDonald is a good prospect, but I haven’t seen much about him overall, which is kind of weird. Oh well.
1.30, Philadelphia Eagles: Drew Sanders, LB, Arkansas
Drew Sanders is an interesting prospect: one year at the position, but he was surprisingly good. He seemed to be all over the field, and especially great at blitzes. Philly lost TJ Edwards in free agency, and hopes that Sanders & Nakobe Dean will be more than adequate replacements.
1.31, Kansas City Chiefs: Felix-Anudike Uzomah, EDGE, Northwestern.
Frank Clark needs to be replaced, even if he wasn’t that good in the regular season, and I think FAU provides a great high floor option. He runs with an insane motor, never giving up throughout the game which just elevates his floor. He definitely has room to grow, but for a team looking to just run it back I think a more ready-to-go player fits best.
2.32, Pittsburgh Steelers: Mazi Smith, DT, Michigan.
Look out for the big fella! At this point, explanations will be a lot shorter for both brevity and sanity. Pittsburgh needs a NT, gets one with insane potential.
2.33, Houston Texans: Jalin Hyatt, WR, Tennessee.
Jalin Hyatt go fast. Jalin Hyatt go fast down field after catching ball from Richardson and score touchdown. Yay.
2.34, Arizona Cardinals: Cam Smith, CB, South Carolina.
Smith is solid as a fringe first-round talent corner.
2.35, Indianapolis Colts: Josh Downs, WR, North Carolina.
Downs provides a great option for the incoming Young after being Drake Maye’s main target last season.
2.36, Los Angeles Rams: Anton Harrison, OT, Oklahoma.
Whitworth leaving has LA in a damn hole. Climb out of it with Anton.
2.37, Seattle Seahawks: John Michael Schmitz, C, Minnesota.
Operation Supersize Me is full go.
2.38, Las Vegas Raiders: Brian Branch, S, Alabama.
A poor showing at the combine causes a genuinely great player to fall, but the Raiders essentially need him.
2.39, Carolina Panthers: Keion White, EDGE, Georgia Tech.
I honestly don’t know much about Keion White. Uhhhh, pretend I said something funny here.
2.40, New Orleans Saints: Dalton Kincaid, TE, Utah.
Kincaid has great potential, but speaking as someone with back injuries, back injuries in football players scare me.
2.41, Arizona Cardinals via Tennessee Titans: Jahmyr Gibbs, RB, Alabama.
I will admit, this one was tough. Gibbs provides a lot to your offense though, and I think that with the extra picks from the trade you can afford a RB.
2.42, Green Bay Packers via New York Jets: Dawand Jones, T, OSU.
B I G B O Y. L O N G B O Y
2.43, New York Jets: Jack Campbell, LB, Iowa.
Campbell is my personal favorite linebacker in the draft. Good grab.
2.44, Atlanta Falcons: Kelee Ringo, CB, Georgia.
The world’s most hated corner. I think he can still be good though, especially with AJ Terrell on the other side.
2.45, Green Bay Packers: Luke Musgrave, TE, Oregon State.
A tight end instead of a wide receiver? How original Green Bay.
2.46, New England Patriots: Matthew Bergeron, OT, Syracuse.
Isaiah Wynn? More like Isaiah LOSE (your job to a rookie)!!!11!
2.47, Washington Commanders: Trenton Simpson, LB, Clemson
Replacing Cole Holcomb is the amazingly athletic Simpson.
2.48, Detroit Lions: Emmanuel Forbes, CB, Mississippi State.
Size concerns cause Forbes to fall, because when players are told to get skinny I don’t think this is what was meant.
2.49, Pittburgh Steelers: Julius Brents, CB, Kansas State
Brents is the best of the remaining CBs, and I foresee a run on them happening soon.
2.50, Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Hendon Hooker, QB, Tennessee.
MID-OFF MID-OFF MID-OFF!
2.51, Miami Dolphins: Sam LaPorta, TE, Iowa.
While OL is a big need, the dolphins can’t resist adding even more YAC ability. Insert “Tua can’t throw the ball deep” joke here.
2.52, Seattle Seahawks: Steve Avila, IOL,
More. MORE. MORE. MOOOOOOOOOOORRREEE!
2.53, Chicago Bears: B.J. Ojulari, EDGE, LSU.
Heh. BJ.
2.54, Los Angeles Chargers: Keeanu Benton, DT, Wisconsin.
While EDGE is a need, I think Bosa and Mack can hold down the fort for now. DT betta.
2.55, Detroit Lions. Again: Adetomiwa Adeboware, EDGE/DT, Northwestern.
Adeboware projects as a bit of a tweener, being able to play either edge or DT. Detroit could make use of either, so see where he plays better and use him that way.
2.56, Jacksonville Jaguars: Clark Phillips III, CB, Utah.
I’d argue the secondary in Jacksonville needs to be better overall, doesn’t really matter what specific position they play right now. And so it becomes.
2.57, New York Giants: Cody Mauch, IOL, North Dakota State.
Mauch may not be the tackle we hoped he could be due to length, but he'll still be a good guard.
2.58, Dallas Cowboys: Daiyan Henley, LB, Washington State.
LB is a decent need, Henley is pretty good, and the board’s not great for Dallas.
2.59, Pittsburgh Steelers via Buffalo Bills: Joe Tippman, Center, Wisconsin
The Steelers have been linked to a lot of center-capable prospects like JMS and Avila, and I’m not a huge fan of the fit of these other prospects.
2.60, Cin City Bongos: DJ Turner, CB, Michigan.
It’s DJ Turner guys! This is just great!
2.61, Chicago Bears: Luke Wypler, Center, OSU.
You are no longer in center hell. You’re free now. Please rest.
2.62, Philadelphia Eagles: Isaiah Foskey
Add another guy to the rotation, why don’t you? It’s not like you almost set the record for sacks in a season last year.
2.63, Kansas City Chiefs: Cedric Tillman, WR, Tennessee.
Probably a reach here, but the board and KC’s position dictated it if they wanted help after Juju’s departure.
2.64, Chicago Bears: Gervon Dexter, DT, Florida.
Dexter runs a little hot and cold but overall, I like his game. Again, helps to fill a need.
Holy shit it's done. This took half a week and was genuinely painful to make at times. New information and team moves changed explanations and picks, which felt like it brought the whole house of cards down. Thanks for reading this and I hope you enjoyed doing so. If not, you're welcome for the wasted time.
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- electric Utility Designeplanner 1 \)link\) MGC Utility Design · Remote in San Diego design, overhead
- digital Marketing Manager \)link\) Clarity Ventures · Remote sales-marketing, non-tech, marketing, permanently-remote
- Site Reliability/platform Engineer \)link\) DNSimple · Melbourne, Florida engineering, full-time, full-stack-programming, anywhere-in-the-world, aws, golang, postgresql, ruby, sql, 75-000-99-999-usd, sre-saas
- customer Service Representative \)link\) Angela Frangieh State Farm Insurance · Remote non-tech, customer-support
- student Support Specialist \)link\) University of Phoenix · Remote in Nevada non-tech, customer-support
- doctoral Writing Center Specialist \)link\) Westcliff University · Remote sales-marketing, non-tech, copywriting
- customer Service & Collections Rep \)link\) Wellstar Health System, Inc. · Remote in Marietta non-tech, customer-support
- copywriter \)link\) Rescue Agency · Remote in Atlanta sales-marketing, non-tech, copywriting, remote
- customer Relationship Coordinator I \)link\) Bio-Rad Laboratories, Inc. · Remote in California non-tech, customer-support
- supervisor, Digital Advisory Services \)link\) Daszkal Bolton LLP · Remote in Boca Raton non-tech, accounting
- virtual Tutosales Rep \)link\) Seven Oaks Academy · Remote in Lilburn sales-marketing, non-tech, sales
- contact Center Associate - Remote \)link\) Harbor Freight Tools USA, Inc. · Remote in Atlanta non-tech, customer-support
- accounting Associate Ii - Remote \)link\) Ryder System · Remote in Austin non-tech, accounting
- client Communications Specialist \)link\) The Animal Medical Center · Remote non-tech, customer-support
- freelance Writer For Software-related Content \)link\) Resources Online · Remote in Seattle sales-marketing, non-tech, copywriting
- marketing Copywriter \)link\) Gale Healthcare Solutions · Remote in Florida sales-marketing, non-tech, copywriting
- client Services Coordinator \)link\) Tapestry Health · Remote non-tech, customer-support
- Data Engineer \)link\) AllCloud · USA engineering, data, full-time
- Enterprise Account Executive \)link\) ZL Technologies, Inc. · USA sales-marketing, sales, full-time
- digital Marketing : Special Projects \)link\) Lands' End · Remote in Dodgeville sales-marketing, non-tech, marketing, seo, remote, part-time
- commercial Insurance Client Service Representative - Small Business \)link\) Higginbotham Insurance Agency, Inc · Remote in Austin non-tech, customer-support
- junior Accountant Remote $15/hr \)link\) MAGNET HR GROUP LLC · Remote in Brownsville non-tech, accounting
- social Media Strategists \)link\) Static Media · Remote sales-marketing, non-tech, social-media
- frontend Web Designer - React/javascript \)link\) IHOUSEWEB INC. (www.ihouseweb.com) · Remote in Texas engineering
- cpg Phone Sales Representative - Work From Home \)link\) Alliance Consumer Group · Remote sales-marketing, non-tech, sales
- spanish Interpreter \)link\) LanguageLine Solutions · Remote non-tech
- software Engineer Ii \)link\) TDS Telecom · Remote engineering, remote
- english To Ukrainian Document Translator \)link\) The Intellekt Group · Remote in United States non-tech, temporary
- digital and Social Media Assistant \)link\) Sierra Club · Remote in California sales-marketing, non-tech, social-media
- patient Support Representative \)link\) Aveanna Healthcare · Remote in Houston non-tech, customer-support, remote
- Non-profit Accountant \)link\) Galapagos Conservancy · VA, US non-tech
- content Designer - The Infatuation \)link\) JPMorgan Chase Bank, N.A. · Remote in New York design, hybrid-or-fully-remote-potential
- remote Sales Representative - California \)link\) Institute of Reading Development · Remote in California+5 locations sales-marketing, non-tech, sales
2023.03.02 18:38 tank4trevor Joe Person links Panthers to Will Levis on The Athletic Football Show podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-lamar-jackson-question-the-jets-infatuation/id1528622068?i=1000602255207
Person is the first beat writer on the episode. He talks about the new coaching hires, and the revolving door at quarterback in the past few years, and agreed all signs point to the Panthers drafting a QB this year.
The name he threw out was Will Levis. According to Person, the Panthers have been high on him dating all the way back to last offseason. He's made the point previously that Levis played in a flavor of the Rams' offense under Liam Coen. Our new OC came from the Rams and would presumably incorporate similar concepts into the Panthers' offense.
Person also mentioned the Seahawks at 5 as a potential trade partner. Fitterer came from Seattle so the connection there is obvious. There's a decent chance Levis would still be on the board at 5, and presumably it would cost a lot less in terms of draft capital to trade up 4 spots vs going all the way to 1.
Don't shoot the messenger here. I'm not advocating for Levis, only pointing out what our arguably most trusted beat reporter is saying. I do think it's more palatable trading up to 3 or 5 as opposed to 1. I honestly think any of the top 3 QBs (sorry, not a Richardson believer) could start year 1 and have some success, assuming we can give him more weapons from the draft or free agency.
submitted by tank4trevor to panthers [link] [comments]
Person is the first beat writer on the episode. He talks about the new coaching hires, and the revolving door at quarterback in the past few years, and agreed all signs point to the Panthers drafting a QB this year.
The name he threw out was Will Levis. According to Person, the Panthers have been high on him dating all the way back to last offseason. He's made the point previously that Levis played in a flavor of the Rams' offense under Liam Coen. Our new OC came from the Rams and would presumably incorporate similar concepts into the Panthers' offense.
Person also mentioned the Seahawks at 5 as a potential trade partner. Fitterer came from Seattle so the connection there is obvious. There's a decent chance Levis would still be on the board at 5, and presumably it would cost a lot less in terms of draft capital to trade up 4 spots vs going all the way to 1.
Don't shoot the messenger here. I'm not advocating for Levis, only pointing out what our arguably most trusted beat reporter is saying. I do think it's more palatable trading up to 3 or 5 as opposed to 1. I honestly think any of the top 3 QBs (sorry, not a Richardson believer) could start year 1 and have some success, assuming we can give him more weapons from the draft or free agency.
2023.02.21 17:18 worldclassmathlete Snapchat to display local restaurants nearby in Snap Map!
 | Snapchat to display local restaurants nearby in Snap Map! Snapchat is going to launch a new feature to display local restaurants nearby in Snap Map. If you are excited about this new feature and want to know more, here is everything about this new feature. submitted by worldclassmathlete to gadgetarq [link] [comments] What you will see?Snapchat to display local restaurantsCities where this feature is availableWhat you can do with this feature?How to find restaurants on Snap Map?Snapchat with TicketmasterConclusionRead More! Snapchat to display local restaurants Snapchat has teamed up with The Infatuation, a restaurant review website, to assist Snap Map users to find the best local restaurants. In more than 50 cities across the world, Snapchat users will now receive Infatuation feedback in their Place Profiles right away. Last year, Snapchat added Layers to Snap Map as a new way for people to find stuff to do with their friends. According to Snapchat, the first two Layers were used over 100 million times in just a few months. Download Snapchat Now! Cities where this feature is available The number of cities which can access this feature right now is quite limited. You can use it only if you live in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, San Francisco, Austin, Seattle, Philadelphia, Miami, Atlanta, Denver, D.C., and London. You may use the Layer to identify top Infatuation-approved eateries in their neighborhoods. For using this feature, you will have to go to the new menu in the upper right corner of the Snap Map and tap The Infatuation icon. What you can do with this feature? After activating the Layer, you will be able to browse all your favorite local restaurants. You can share your favorites with others via chat, and add places to your favorites to return to later. How to find restaurants on Snap Map? The process to get restaurant recommendations and information on Snapchat is simple and convenient. All you need is the most up-to-date version of the app on your phone, and you're good to go. Firstly, open the updated app and click on the profile icon.This will take you to the Snap Map where you can see your as well as your friends' Bitmoji icons on the Map. After this, you need to click on the ‘The Infatuation’ tab. Once the layer is activated, you will get all sorts of restaurants near you and their reviews as well within no time. You can share the recommendations with your friends on chat.Moreover, you can bookmark the restaurants too. Snapchat with Ticketmaster Earlier this year, Snapchat partnered with Ticketmaster to provide a new way for Snap Map users to discover live entertainment events. Snap Map is used by more than 250 million individuals each month, according to the business. The app now suggests upcoming shows based on your tastes, which you can peruse by swiping left and right. This, according to the startup, is a redesigned dating app that matches users with fascinating events rather than relationships. The company's agreement with Ticketmaster was the first time it used its Layers feature to integrate a partner into Snap Map. Conclusion Snapchat's collaboration with this restaurant review website will open new doors for the users. With this feature, you can use the new Snap Map function to find restaurants of various types. You will be able to learn more about the eatery using the Snapchat app. In fact, you can even search for eateries and receive recommendations based on your needs. The function includes a filter option that allows you to search for venues based on your preferences and events. However, at this moment this feature is available for only a limited number of cities. What do you think about this new feature on Snapchat? Tell us in the comments section below. Read More! Permanently delete Snapchat-How can you deactivate and reactivate your Snapchat account!Best apps for finding restaurants!Snapchat 2022: What's New, How to Use It, and More!Change Snap Username- Snapchat new feature is finally out!How to change your Snapchat username? #bitmoji #bookmark #bookmark_restaurants #chat #favourite #favourite_restaurants #Layers #live_entertainment_events #local_restaurants #Place_Profiles #profile_icon #recommendations #restaurant_review_website #review #reviews #share_recommendation #Snap_Map #Snap_Map_Layers #Snap_Map_users #snapchat #snapchat_application #Snapchat_to_display_local_restaurants #Snapchat_to_display_local_restaurants_nearby_in_Snap_Map #The_Infatuation #Ticketmaster #website #Application #Applications #Mobile_Apps #Reviews https://s3.wasabisys.com/gadgetarq/2022/06/image-458.png.webp https://gadgetarq.com/mobile/applications/snapchat-to-display-local-restaurants-nearby-in-snap-map/?feed_id=75554&_unique_id=63f4eed5dbede |
2023.02.07 22:57 kizzymynizzy Wth do they put in their music!?
I found them from Brittany Broski like 2ish years ago and have been infatuated since. I went to their show in Spokane back in September and I would 10000% go again. Any time I play their music, my mood instantly changes. I also don’t know how to describe how their music makes me feel but I wish all music made me feel that way. Usually I get annoyed if I play a artist over and over but with Greta, I literally could listen to them 24/7. They need to come to Seattle again because I need to see them live again. The concert I went to was by far the best concert I have ever went to. Josh’s vocals in person are just insane and mad impressive. I’m annoyed that they make such good music because now, other music is boring to me 😂 Anyways, mini rant over.
submitted by kizzymynizzy to gretavanfleet [link] [comments]
2023.01.30 15:27 lazood recapped movie romance : Sleepless in Seatle WILL MAKE YOU AND YOUR LOVER CRY on Valentine's Day
 | After the passing of his wife Maggie, Sam Baldwin and his 8-year-old son Jonah move from Chicago to Seattle to escape the pain of her loss. Despite the passing of 18 months, Sam is still grieving and struggles to sleep. Jonah misses his mother but wants his father to find a new partner, despite Sam not having considered dating again. submitted by lazood to movie_recap_world [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/uz15vwkmx6fa1.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=0f7d7d97210026725ddeb8f4b53fb91701698414 On Christmas Eve, Jonah encourages Sam to call into a national radio show and speak about his loving and perfect marriage with Maggie, and how much he still misses her. The call reaches newspaper writer Annie Reed in Baltimore, who becomes infatuated with Sam's story and begins to develop feelings for him despite being engaged to someone else. She even writes to Sam proposing they meet at the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine's Day. In Seattle, Sam receives hundreds of letters from women wanting to meet him, but Jonah is particularly excited about one from Baltimore. Determined to bring his father and Annie together, Jonah sets out to make it happen, but Sam wants to meet someone the traditional way and becomes infatuated with an unknown woman he keeps seeing around Seattle. Will love strike twice for Sam, and if so, will it be with this mystery woman or Annie? Full Movie recap |
2022.12.06 15:11 subredditsummarybot /r/NFL's top [Highlights] for the week of November 29 - December 05
Tuesday, November 29 - Monday, December 05
submitted by subredditsummarybot to nfl [link] [comments]
Highlights
Other Videos
Top comments
Awarded Posts
| score/comments | awards | title & link |
|---|---|---|
| 1,579 - 164 comments | 1 Helpful, 1 Ally, 1 Heartwarming, 1 Wearing is Ca... | [Adamski] Kenny Pickett turnovers his first 16 quarters: 9 < |
| 9,383 - 1,168 comments | 1 Silver, 1 Gold, 1 Helpful, 1 Wholesome, 1 Got th... | The Bengals have beaten the Chiefs 3 times in 2022 |
| 11,963 - 2,451 comments | 1 Silver, 1 Helpful, 1 Table Slap | [Rumor] [Rapoport] Sources: The #Panthers are expected to release QB Baker Mayfield. He'll hit waivers when it's finalized later today. |
| 6,652 - 1,013 comments | 1 Silver, 1 Helpful, 1 Wholesome | [All Things Covered] "Kyler Murray don't care about nobody but Kyler Murray" Patrick Peterson comments on what's going on with his former team the Cardinals, since they are always in the news. |
| 2,923 - 334 comments | 1 Helpful, 1 Wholesome, 1 To The Stars | [Rapoport] The #Lions have activated first-round WR Jameson Williams from NFI. Important news. |
Awarded Comments
| awards | score | comment |
|---|---|---|
| 1 Silver, 1 Wholesome | 1,408 | Botiana25 said Ahhh so he can call timeouts |
| 1 All-Seeing Upvote | 729 | AndThisGuyPeedOnIt said "The reason my receivers can't catch those balls I throw behind them is because they are lizard people." - Aaron Rodgers, probably. |
| 1 Take My Energy | 315 | RobbieAnalog said Let Tim Boyle |
| 1 Take My Energy | 27 | BurtReynoldsStache said My dog, and best friend for many many years, passed this morning. I am distraught. This hurts. |
| 1 Bravo! | 1,319 | iia said A completely normal, rational position that's still going to be deemed wrong by people who sell conflict for ad revenue. |
2022.08.05 16:29 Pepperfish08 Startup Draft Guide (and General Strategy)
My goal here is to provide an all-encompassing series of applicable tips and tricks for every dynasty owner entering a startup (or rookie) draft, as well as general strategy, by taking a deep dive into my first startup experience and thought process.
There’s a lot of content on this sub concerning opinions about certain players or trades but not so much dissecting drafts as a whole. So, I’m going to take my most recent startup draft and break down how the first 10 rounds of the draft board played out and my thought process concerning my picks, trades and team build due to the board, as well as grades for each one of my picks/trades.
For the more established talents I picked, I will focus primarily on the strategy of my draft process, but for those who haven’t proven themselves at the NFL level yet, I will delve more into their player profile. Also, given that it isn’t even halfway over yet, I would love to hear your advice on how I can maximize the rest of my draft.
I’ve played dynasty for 3 years and fantasy as a whole for 13, but superflex for only 1. All my dynasty teams I’d managed were orphans, and I decided I was ready to create my own team from the ground-up. I made some mistakes, but I think I recovered nicely, I’m curious what y’all think.
Ultimately, I went for a productive struggle build, and would love to hear your feedback, and hopefully you can learn a thing or two from my experience too!
Buckle up, folks, this is gonna be a long one.
12-team Dynasty SF, 0.5 PPR, 30-man rosters with 25 keepers. Start: 1 QB, 1 SF, 2 RB, 2 WR, 2 FLEX, 1 TE.
Productive struggle / Zero RB / Robust WR team build
Without further ado…
1.11 – Ja’Marr Chase, Grade: B+
Drawing the 11th pick was certainly a bummer, especially since there’s no third-round reversal. I had brief hope one of the top 6 QBs would fall, but these were dashed when Lamar Jackson was taken one pick ahead of me.
However, I had the luxury of choosing between Chase and Jefferson, and ultimately went with Burrow’s running mate. Were this full PPR, I would’ve gone with Jefferson (and did, in another league). However, I was happy with getting my dynasty WR1 here, and prayed that Dak would fall to me at the 2.02.
2.02 – (Traded for 6.3, 7.10 + 2023 1st): B
Dak went 2.01, so I was left with a raft of players that I had all a significant tier below him. Trey Lance, McCaffrey, Ceedee Lamb and Najee were all options here, but I didn’t like the idea of starting my draft WR-WR given the depth at the position, either Najee or McCaffrey would be a slight reach here, and while I love Lance, the idea of taking any QB (even one of his natural abilities) with 71 career passing attempts with the 14th overall pick in a startup didn’t sit well with me.
My intent was to maintain flexibility and longevity of value with my top assets. If Lance busts, which I deem a 50-50 proposition, it could tank my team for years.
Of course, if he hits, he’s a top-10 dynasty QB for the next 15 years, but I received an offer I couldn’t refuse, and opted for risk mitigation. A fellow owner coveted Najee, so I accepted the 6.3, 7.10 and his 2023 1st for the 2.02.
Not taking a QB until 3.11 at the earliest was a risky proposition, but obviously those 2023 1sts are liquid(able) gold investments, and the chance to have quality depth right off the bet with an extra 6th and 7th was enough for me to pull the trigger.
3.11 – (Traded for 5.1 + 7.1): B+
By some miracle, Breece Hall fell all the way to me here. However, at this point I desperately needed a QB with 15 already off the board, and knew if I didn’t get one soon I wouldn’t be able to contend right away anyway. Hall may only be 21, but RBs, even young ones, tend to depreciate.
Having depreciating assets, even ones as supremely valuable as Hall, didn’t seem to be in line with the way I was steering my team thus far. Especially having traded for a 2023 1st already, my team was already leaning toward a productive struggle. I didn’t want a stud RB dragging my young team to victories when I’m aiming for the 1.01 next year.
With Fields and Lawrence still on the board, and the Dak owner right behind me on the turn (meaning it was highly unlikely he selected 3 QBs within his first 4 picks) I decided to trade down 14 spots and pick up the 7.1 for my troubles, with the intent to draft one of those QBs with my next pick, and my QB2 at the 5.1. Regardless, I felt these trades were accruing me value at the expense of my fellow owners who were reaching for win-now assets.
4.02 – Trevor Lawrence: B
Fields and Breece went with the two picks between the one I traded away, making the Lawrence selection easy. Besides, I had pigeonholed myself into a QB selection here regardless.
Fortunately, I got respectable value getting Lawrence 38th. Frankly, I don’t see the value difference between Lawrence and Lance as enough to justify the almost full 2-round difference (Lance went 2.05).
Lawrence was considered the second-coming of Luck / Manning just one short year ago, and while he looked nothing short of atrocious as a rookie, he labored under the oppressive regime of Urban Meyer for half the year and once Ettiene, Chark and Dan Arnold got hurt, his top options were Marvin Jones, Laviska Shenault, Laquon Treadwell and… return specialist Jamal Agnew? Truly dreadful. Kirk, Engram, and Zay Jones should ensure a similar situation does not repeat itself.
Taking him as my QB1 made me want to hold my nose, but, hey, one team has to take the approx. 12-ranked dynasty QB as their QB1 and that turned out to be me. I’m fine taking him as the 17th (!) QB off the board here.
5.1 – (Traded for 6.9 + 8.9): A+
Yet again, I’m sniped on the QB gravy train, this time, with Zach Wilson (who I’m quite high on) going at the 4.12. After floating a few offers to the Wison owner offering a later round pick + 5.1 for Wilson, all of which were swiftly rejected, I resigned myself to the realization that with the top 21 QBs off the board already, I couldn’t possibly reach for one of the likes of Pickett, Jameis or Mills here.
Surveying my draft board, Waddle and Metcalf were the top options remaining. I considered Akers here, however, given the early runs on RB (13 selected already) and QB, WR’s were falling hard, hence why the aforementioned wideouts were somehow still available.
Again, this may be my first dynasty startup, but 10 WRs going in the first 4 rounds seems a bit low to me. So I waded into the trading waters yet again, knowing I had Waddle and Metcalf as quality fallback options should a trade not materialize. Ultimately, the 6.9 + 8.9 for my 5.1 was too far too much value to turn down, so I smashed accept.
A couple things to note; at this point in the draft with all the top QBs gone, I was at a crossroads, and I decided going the productive struggle route was the winning strategy. Ryan McDowell, who coined the term, and an analyst I greatly respect (check him out u/RyanMc23 on Twitter) is a strong proponent that it is a strong startup strategy unless many other owners are simultaneously employing it.
Through my trades, accumulating value, and making what I deemed to be good value picks with my first two selections, and at this point in my draft due to my lack of top-end QB talent, I had no choice but to go all-in with pure future value and aim to compete in 2024 at the earliest.
Lawrence and Chase, my only two players thus far, both being 22 years old pushed me even further in this direction, as was the fact that the draft board was shaking out in a way where my fellow owners were leaning win-now (Brady and A-Rod already off the board here is nuts to me).
Finally, 2 out of the 3 teams who I felt were having the best drafts are in my division, and they were focusing on younger assets as well, so I knew that simple value-based drafting wouldn’t be enough to beat them, especially since they had significantly stronger QB corps.
Tldr; given that I underestimated the perceived value of QBs in this particular league, and having missed out on all but one of the top 20 QBs, I traded down at (immense) value once again.
5.11 – DK Metcalf: A+
By some supernatural intervention and aforementioned penchant by my competitors for win-now assets, my hometown boy Metcalf fell all the way to me at the 59th pick. What’s going on, fellas? I didn’t even bother to explore the trade market on this one. Young WR who fits my build, plays for my Seattle Seahawks, not much to dissect here, let’s gobble up my favorite value of this draft and move on to my worst…
6.02 – Kenny Pickett: F
In hindsight, this was an obvious mistake. After the early run at the position, Pickett and Matt Ryan were the only QBs picked between the 4.12 and 9.2. For those of you doing the math at home, that’s exactly 50 picks. 2 QBs picked. In superflex. After 21 went in the first 50 picks. Make it make sense.
In all seriousness, in that moment, I felt like I had no choice, which is the last position you want to be in a startup. Due to my draft slot and lust for value, I had the worst QB room in the league and didn’t think I could wait any longer to take my QB2. Clearly, I was wrong, and ended up making a horriific reach (although slightly less egregious given how my league values QBs).
First round QBs that make it past pick 15 don’t have a pretty track record. Among active players, Lamar Jackson, Joe Flacco and Aaron Rodgers are the only success stories. It’s honestly more likely that he’s the next Paxton Lynch.
In my defense, Pickett arguably has the highest upside of all the QBs remaining (with the exception of Malik Willis) simply by virtue of being a rookie and we haven’t seen him play yet, and does have first-round draft capital (barely).
He has the youth I’m strictly sticking to with my selections, and has a solid supporting cast, although Pittsburgh’s O-line worries me, especially because Pickett has shown skittishness in the pocket. However, the tipping point for me with this selection was the landing spot in a different sense, and no, I don’t mean that the former Pittsburgh Panther got picked by the Steelers.
Mike Tomlin still hasn’t had a losing season as a head coach (despite Mason Rudolph’s best efforts). The Steelers have had a total of three head coaches since LBJ was president, all of whom are Super Bowl victors. It is this stability that gives me faith. At the very least, the Steelers will give Pickett every shot to prove he is a franchise quarterback. They won’t pull the plug early like what happened to Josh Rosen.
Additionally, this means it’s less likely they’ll have a draft selection high enough to replace Pickett in upcoming drafts, although it is a significant possibility with the projected influx of QB talent in the 2023 draft he’d have to compete with a Garoppolo-type veteran in a year as those rookies supplant low-end starters such as Mills, Mariota, or Lock.
Basically, I’m just hoping Pickett turns into a Flacco-Cousins type with better wheels, and if that’s the case, I’ll have adequate value for this selection. And if he crashes and burns, which is admittedly more likely, there are still plenty of falling WRs available due to the way the board has shaken out thus far and I have 6 out of the next 24 picks due to my earlier trades, so there’s plenty of value to be had.
Succinctly, this pick was rushed to ensure I wasn’t locked out of the QB market entirely. Still, definitely an F grade. Looking back, it may have been advantageous for me to overpay to try to move into the top 7 picks to secure a stud QB to anchor my roster.
6.03 – (Traded for 6.08 + 2023 2nd): A
Cowboys fan took Zeke at 6.03. I told you my fellow owners were going all-in for 2022-or-bust. Still, I got away with highway robbery here.
6.08 – Drake London: B+
As the 22nd WR off the board, this is good value, as he is ranked WR12 on KeepTradeCut. With this said, I should mention to all those new to KTC that, while a valuable resource, it regularly over-values rookies due to its crowdsource methodology and does have blind spots. With that said, it is a valuable resource, and one of my favorites. My startup draft pick trade value chart has a random 1st valued as the 7.06, so I’m happy to get the consensus #2 rookie here.
Back to the pick. Besides the immediate projected target volume (which I’m not as concerned about given my productive struggle strategy), London checks all the traditional boxes that correlate to production at the next level. College production? 45.4% receiving yard share last season. Draft capital? First WR off the board at 8th overall. Size? 6’4”, 220lbs with 95th percentile arm length.
Historically, breakout age and early declare status aren’t as strongly correlated to NFL success as most think, but he does check those boxes. Specifically, he had a 99th percentile breakout age. Again, I’m not overly concerned with that, but it certainly can’t hurt.
His 20-yard shuttle and vertical jump were below-average, but he’s the best contested catch guy in this class, so it’s not a huge concern. Although I prefer WR prospects with the skillset of a Garrett Wilson / Stefon Diggs (smooth route-runners), London compares favorably to a Marques Colston / Mike Evans.
Of course, the one knock on London is his 4.6 40-time, but that is certainly not a dealbreaker. The Fantasy Stock Exchange did an excellent analysis that made the argument that a WR doesn’t need to be fast to succeed at the NFL level, they simply need to not be slow. I loathe to show camp hype, but he certainly doesn’t appear to be slow here:
[London vs. Hayward](https://twitter.com/PFF/status/1554979058043289602)
More importantly, pay attention to his footwork; he establishes inside leverage immediately with a smooth head fake, turning the corner all the way around. Honestly, it’s a lose-lose situation for the defender at this point. Given that he is out of position, if he doesn’t commit to the inside-breaking route, he is certainly beat, and that is what London’s release has led him to believe.
However, this sets Casey Hayward up for when London makes a brief, yet effective, fake to the inside at the stem of his route, and breaks around Hayward and upfield. London’s release allows him to only have to commit a subtle fake at the stem of the route, ensuring he maintains his momentum upfield. Beautiful work, and certainly something that can work at the NFL level. And it will have to, since he doesn’t have burner speed.
Is Casey Hayward on the same level as Marshon Lattimore, who London will have to face twice yearly? Probably not, but he’s a former 2-time All-Pro who received a 76 grade from PFF last year, so he’s not washed or a scrub, this is a legitimate starting corner in this league.
Again, I’m sure I sound hypocritical here, but it is important not to read too much into one training camp rep. However, it is encouraging that London is demonstrating sophisticated traits beyond his years, especially considering he couldn’t legally purchase alcohol at the time he was drafted.
6.09 – Elijah Moore: B-
This is my first pick that I willingly made before their ADP would suggest (83 on Sleeper), although he has risen from 63 to 50 in the last month on KTC, so perhaps it’s not a reach after all at #69 overall. This really comes down to my love for the player. He was my favorite dynasty prospect coming out of the 2021 class, even before the camp hype and subsequent Bryan Edwards-level adoration from this sub. Thanks for driving his ADP up, y’all…
Anyway, he averaged 8 targets, 5 receptions, 67 yards, and 0.85 TDs in his last 7 games, with the likes of Mike White and the ghost of Joe Flacco “passing” to him. That projects to 85 catches for 1,139 yards and 14 TDs over the course of a 17-game season. Pretty solid, to say the least.
Sure, that scoring pace probably isn’t sustainable, and it’s not a full sample size, but almost half a season isn’t a small one, either. Quality players command targets, so I’m not concerned whatsoever about the addition of Garrett Wilson and return of Corey Davis. When it comes to WRs, I focus on the talent, whereas RBs rely more on pure opportunity (cough Mike Davis cough).
Despite my aforementioned love for Zach Wilson, I’m rational enough to be concerned he could hold back the Jets offense, but White/Flacco did as well, as that didn’t adversely affect Moore. While he may not have prototypical size, the man has future stud written all over him. Taking this swing in the 6th round on my WR4 is too juicy to pass up. However, this was a selection made at or above ADP, so I can’t justify anything better than a B- grade here.
7.01 – (Traded for 9.05 + 2023 1st): A+
I don’t think my leaguemates got the memo about the 2023 draft class.
The perennially underrated Diontae Johnson had fallen all the way here, and the Steelers fan in my league absolutely had to have him. Good value for the draft slot, but not for what he gave up to get Johnson (obviously). If you can select Diontae here, jump on it, but please, please, don’t give up a 2023 1st+ to do so… unless you’re in one of my leagues. Moving on.
7.10 – Chris Godwin: A-
With the 7.11 and 8.2 in my back pocket, I had a lot of options here. I was staring down a tier of receivers including Devonta Smith, Chris Olave, Jameson Williams, Jerry Jeudy and Darnell Mooney. With AJ Dillon and Antonio Gibson still on the board, I considered going Dillon (Gibson scares the shit out of me as a dynasty asset) and probably should’ve. However, I was intently avoiding RBs for a few reasons.
One, I actually want RB to be a weak link on my team this year to secure the 2023 1.01. Second, I’m not anticipating this roster being ready to compete until 2024, and I want RBs who will still be on their rookie contract by then. I don’t want their best seasons spent dragging my team to 6-8 records then turning 27 once my team is ready to win a ‘ship. The only RB I had seriously considered to this point was Ken Walker at 6.9, and even then, mostly to pair with DK since I’m a Seahawks fan.
I did actually break my own rule of only taking ascending assets however, and went with Godwin. The value was simply too good to pass up. The ACL tear and recent Julio signing had apparently scared my fellow owners into allowing the WR10 in PPG in 2021 to fall into my lap at the end of the 7th.
However, I have every intent of trading Godwin to a contender once he rounds back into low-end WR1 / high-end WR2 form. At 26, he is somehow the elder statesman of my roster by 2 years and will be approaching the twilight of his prime once I anticipate my championship window beginning in 2024. Even worse, the likelihood of Brady playing past 47 is slim-to-none, unless the last record he aims to break is George Blanda’s (look him up, kids).
I generally don’t pick players with the intent of trading them, but in this case, Godwin was my highest-ranked player by a wide margin. And one doesn’t succeed in dynasty by passing opportunities like this up. The only reason I can’t give myself higher than an A- is because he doesn't exactly fit my build, but I’ll deal with that in a few months.
7.11 – Devonta Smith: C+
At this point, my lineup is starting to take shape. Not that it matters for a rebuilding team, but I now have Ja’Marr Chase and DK as my WR1 and 2, with Elijah Moore and Smith in my FLEX spots, with Godwin ready to step in for any underperformer once he’s fully healthy (which, by all indications, could be Week 1). Sure, my QBs are Lawrence / Pickett, and I haven’t selected a RB or TE yet, but I now I have three 2023 1sts, goddammit! According to this sub, that’s even better than a championship! /s
As for Smith himself, similarly to Moore, I was infatuated with his profile coming out of Alabama. He fits exactly what I’m looking for; silky-smooth route runner, incredible college production that immediately translated to the NFL with a WR30 season as a rookie despite playing in the most run-heavy offense in the league, albeit with limited target competition.
The addition of AJ Brown means a smaller slice of the target pie, although the flip side of the coin is he won’t be facing the opposing team’s top corner anymore. And the Eagles can’t possibly run the ball as much as they did in 2021… right?
This is an okay pick. Good, not great value, fits what I’m trying to do with a young non-RB with an easy path to increase in value, and won’t hit his prime until I’m ready to compete.
8.2 – Jameson Williams: C+
AnOtHeR WR?
I’ll be the first to admit, this is a risky strategy, especially because due to the insane depth at the position, I anticipate it will be more difficult to trade away any of these wideouts than it would be a QB, RB or TE where the talent pool is more shallow. With that said, my plan is to hoard RBs from round 10 on, where I can select handcuffs such as Rhamondre Stevenson, Khalil Herbert, Michael Carter, or basically any rookie halfback.
On the bright side, I am loaded with assets that possess a longevity that RBs don’t, and with an average age of 23, I don’t have to worry about this position for the next half-decade. WRs should be the plurality of any dynasty roster anyway.
Williams, my second young WR product from Alabama in the last 4 picks, was the perfect target for me as a rebuilding team. He won’t play for much of 2022, but that’s baked into his price so there’s limited room for depreciation. Jared Goff, due to his contract, likely will be quarterbacking the Lions until 2024, and he truly loathes throwing the ball deep (Goff’s average depth of target was dead-last in the league last year).
However, I don’t think anyone anticipates Goff sticking around past 2023, and virtually anyone Detroit replaces him with has to throw a better deep ball, or choose to throw them at all. Besides, Jameson showed off his YAC ability in college a la Jaylen Waddle, so he’s not a one-trick pony. Which is even more useful, because his afterburners force defensive backs in man coverage to give him plenty of cushion, so being typecast into what we anticipate Chark’s role to be this year may be misguided.
I know this has been repeated ad nauseum, but it bears repeating; Jameson had a good shot at being the top receiver off the board in April had he not torn his ACL in January. It’s too bad we didn’t get to see him show off at the combine or Pro Day, he legitimately could’ve run in the 4.2’s. While Goff may hamstring Williams’ prospects until 2024, again, this matches my timeline, and Williams has game-breaking upside.
8.9 – (Traded for 10.11 + 2023 2nd): C-
This is the first trade I’ve made so far this draft where I wish I would’ve stayed put. Had Gibson / Dillon fallen a couple picks further, I would’ve taken my RB1 here, and I just missed out on Darnell Mooney too. So I was stuck with a massive tier of Marquise Brown, Gabe Davis, Skyy Moore, Chase Claypool and Kadarius Toney. I’m a huge Toney stan but this felt a bit early, and it’s not like I needed any more young WRs.
I could’ve selected Jameis Winston here, but that felt like a reach too, although that’s the route I ultimately would’ve gone with had I not traded down. 2023 should be a loaded enough class to acquire a decent prospect with the additional pick I obtained, despite this 2023 2nd coming from a team just as loaded, by the looks of their draft so far.
I’ve tried to avoid trading for 2023 picks from the teams leaning most heavily into the win-now strategy, but this owner was the only taker. The later in the draft we get, the less interest in trading down there seems to be, as seen by the return I received here. Still a fair deal for both sides, I’d say.
9.5 – Davis Mills: C
When Zach Wilson was taken one pick ahead of me at the 4.12, I identified a clear tier drop in my QB rankings. ADP reflects this as well. So I had to formulate a backup plan. After I reached for Pickett in the next round, I decided that I needed either Mills or Winston as my QB3. I may be a productive struggle team, but I’m not trying to “tank”, I’m still going to field the best lineup at my disposal come Week 1. To do otherwise would run contrary to the spirit of the game.
Besides, I required more QB depth should Pickett, Lawrence, or both (God forbid) faceplant in the coming years. And I have little-to-no interest in Tannehill, Wentz, Goff, Mayfield, or any of the rookies at this juncture. I could take a shot on Trubisky in the later rounds to pair with Pickett, but with my QB room so undermanned, I needed a guaranteed starter.
I was torn between the Saints’ and Texans’ signal callers. In my opinion, Winston has more job security, as his contract practically prohibits the Saints from jettisoning him until 2024. Mills could be replaced as soon as the 2023 draft. However, my championship window ought to be opening in 2024, at which point Jameis will be 30 as opposed to 25 for Mills.
We all know what Jameis is. Best-case, a league-average starter. A rich man’s Ryan Fitzpatrick. Mills, not so much, but his range of outcomes is somewhere between CarCousins to Dalton/Goff. If I can get the Texans starting QB for the foreseeable future in the 9th round, that’s a steal. But it’s just as likely that he’s a one year rental.
Winston, on the other hand, appeared to have finally turned the page on his turnover-prone ways, tossing only 3 in 7 games before his injury, and actually led all QBs in points-per-dropback. The more I began to look into it, the more I started to buy into Winston. The year of tutelage under Payton/Brees seemed to do him good when he finally took the field in 2021. He looked like a different player, dare I say, a fringe QB1/2, with the improved supporting cast?
I arrived at the conclusion that Jameis is the most underrated dynasty QB at the moment, in my book. What he was able to accomplish, and avoid, with Marquez Callaway as his top receiver last year was remarkable. The Saints still have an above-average O-line, and a revamped WR core that could prove to be lethal as soon as this season. I expect him to have a top-15 season in 2021. He’s always been a better fantasy than real-life asset due to his scattershot accuracy.
So, at the time of my Pickett selection, my plan was to wait until one of Mills or Winston was picked, then snap the other up immediately. I was fully anticipating enacting before this point in the draft due to the rate QBs were flying off the board through the first 4 rounds.
However, by the time the 9th round rolled around, I began to dream. Could I secure both? I assumed my win-now league mates would value Winston higher, so I’d take him first, and after just 2 QBs had gone in rounds 5-8, the time was now to secure the most undervalued QB, in my estimation. The run on QBs would resume any time now, I thought, now that most owners had filled out their starting lineups.
I wasn’t wrong. Famous Jameis was taken two picks before me. My dreams of Winston at 9.5 and Mills at 9.11 were dashed.
Oh well. I get my superflex spot filled while Pickett rides the bench all season because he’s probably trash, although Pickett has to start in 2023… right?
God, I hope I get Bryce Young or Stroud next year…
Part 2:
https://www.reddit.com/DynastyFF/comments/wgwya9/startup_draft_guide_and_general_strategy_pt_2/
submitted by Pepperfish08 to DynastyFF [link] [comments]
There’s a lot of content on this sub concerning opinions about certain players or trades but not so much dissecting drafts as a whole. So, I’m going to take my most recent startup draft and break down how the first 10 rounds of the draft board played out and my thought process concerning my picks, trades and team build due to the board, as well as grades for each one of my picks/trades.
For the more established talents I picked, I will focus primarily on the strategy of my draft process, but for those who haven’t proven themselves at the NFL level yet, I will delve more into their player profile. Also, given that it isn’t even halfway over yet, I would love to hear your advice on how I can maximize the rest of my draft.
I’ve played dynasty for 3 years and fantasy as a whole for 13, but superflex for only 1. All my dynasty teams I’d managed were orphans, and I decided I was ready to create my own team from the ground-up. I made some mistakes, but I think I recovered nicely, I’m curious what y’all think.
Ultimately, I went for a productive struggle build, and would love to hear your feedback, and hopefully you can learn a thing or two from my experience too!
Buckle up, folks, this is gonna be a long one.
12-team Dynasty SF, 0.5 PPR, 30-man rosters with 25 keepers. Start: 1 QB, 1 SF, 2 RB, 2 WR, 2 FLEX, 1 TE.
Productive struggle / Zero RB / Robust WR team build
Without further ado…
1.11 – Ja’Marr Chase, Grade: B+
Drawing the 11th pick was certainly a bummer, especially since there’s no third-round reversal. I had brief hope one of the top 6 QBs would fall, but these were dashed when Lamar Jackson was taken one pick ahead of me.
However, I had the luxury of choosing between Chase and Jefferson, and ultimately went with Burrow’s running mate. Were this full PPR, I would’ve gone with Jefferson (and did, in another league). However, I was happy with getting my dynasty WR1 here, and prayed that Dak would fall to me at the 2.02.
2.02 – (Traded for 6.3, 7.10 + 2023 1st): B
Dak went 2.01, so I was left with a raft of players that I had all a significant tier below him. Trey Lance, McCaffrey, Ceedee Lamb and Najee were all options here, but I didn’t like the idea of starting my draft WR-WR given the depth at the position, either Najee or McCaffrey would be a slight reach here, and while I love Lance, the idea of taking any QB (even one of his natural abilities) with 71 career passing attempts with the 14th overall pick in a startup didn’t sit well with me.
My intent was to maintain flexibility and longevity of value with my top assets. If Lance busts, which I deem a 50-50 proposition, it could tank my team for years.
Of course, if he hits, he’s a top-10 dynasty QB for the next 15 years, but I received an offer I couldn’t refuse, and opted for risk mitigation. A fellow owner coveted Najee, so I accepted the 6.3, 7.10 and his 2023 1st for the 2.02.
Not taking a QB until 3.11 at the earliest was a risky proposition, but obviously those 2023 1sts are liquid(able) gold investments, and the chance to have quality depth right off the bet with an extra 6th and 7th was enough for me to pull the trigger.
3.11 – (Traded for 5.1 + 7.1): B+
By some miracle, Breece Hall fell all the way to me here. However, at this point I desperately needed a QB with 15 already off the board, and knew if I didn’t get one soon I wouldn’t be able to contend right away anyway. Hall may only be 21, but RBs, even young ones, tend to depreciate.
Having depreciating assets, even ones as supremely valuable as Hall, didn’t seem to be in line with the way I was steering my team thus far. Especially having traded for a 2023 1st already, my team was already leaning toward a productive struggle. I didn’t want a stud RB dragging my young team to victories when I’m aiming for the 1.01 next year.
With Fields and Lawrence still on the board, and the Dak owner right behind me on the turn (meaning it was highly unlikely he selected 3 QBs within his first 4 picks) I decided to trade down 14 spots and pick up the 7.1 for my troubles, with the intent to draft one of those QBs with my next pick, and my QB2 at the 5.1. Regardless, I felt these trades were accruing me value at the expense of my fellow owners who were reaching for win-now assets.
4.02 – Trevor Lawrence: B
Fields and Breece went with the two picks between the one I traded away, making the Lawrence selection easy. Besides, I had pigeonholed myself into a QB selection here regardless.
Fortunately, I got respectable value getting Lawrence 38th. Frankly, I don’t see the value difference between Lawrence and Lance as enough to justify the almost full 2-round difference (Lance went 2.05).
Lawrence was considered the second-coming of Luck / Manning just one short year ago, and while he looked nothing short of atrocious as a rookie, he labored under the oppressive regime of Urban Meyer for half the year and once Ettiene, Chark and Dan Arnold got hurt, his top options were Marvin Jones, Laviska Shenault, Laquon Treadwell and… return specialist Jamal Agnew? Truly dreadful. Kirk, Engram, and Zay Jones should ensure a similar situation does not repeat itself.
Taking him as my QB1 made me want to hold my nose, but, hey, one team has to take the approx. 12-ranked dynasty QB as their QB1 and that turned out to be me. I’m fine taking him as the 17th (!) QB off the board here.
5.1 – (Traded for 6.9 + 8.9): A+
Yet again, I’m sniped on the QB gravy train, this time, with Zach Wilson (who I’m quite high on) going at the 4.12. After floating a few offers to the Wison owner offering a later round pick + 5.1 for Wilson, all of which were swiftly rejected, I resigned myself to the realization that with the top 21 QBs off the board already, I couldn’t possibly reach for one of the likes of Pickett, Jameis or Mills here.
Surveying my draft board, Waddle and Metcalf were the top options remaining. I considered Akers here, however, given the early runs on RB (13 selected already) and QB, WR’s were falling hard, hence why the aforementioned wideouts were somehow still available.
Again, this may be my first dynasty startup, but 10 WRs going in the first 4 rounds seems a bit low to me. So I waded into the trading waters yet again, knowing I had Waddle and Metcalf as quality fallback options should a trade not materialize. Ultimately, the 6.9 + 8.9 for my 5.1 was too far too much value to turn down, so I smashed accept.
A couple things to note; at this point in the draft with all the top QBs gone, I was at a crossroads, and I decided going the productive struggle route was the winning strategy. Ryan McDowell, who coined the term, and an analyst I greatly respect (check him out u/RyanMc23 on Twitter) is a strong proponent that it is a strong startup strategy unless many other owners are simultaneously employing it.
Through my trades, accumulating value, and making what I deemed to be good value picks with my first two selections, and at this point in my draft due to my lack of top-end QB talent, I had no choice but to go all-in with pure future value and aim to compete in 2024 at the earliest.
Lawrence and Chase, my only two players thus far, both being 22 years old pushed me even further in this direction, as was the fact that the draft board was shaking out in a way where my fellow owners were leaning win-now (Brady and A-Rod already off the board here is nuts to me).
Finally, 2 out of the 3 teams who I felt were having the best drafts are in my division, and they were focusing on younger assets as well, so I knew that simple value-based drafting wouldn’t be enough to beat them, especially since they had significantly stronger QB corps.
Tldr; given that I underestimated the perceived value of QBs in this particular league, and having missed out on all but one of the top 20 QBs, I traded down at (immense) value once again.
5.11 – DK Metcalf: A+
By some supernatural intervention and aforementioned penchant by my competitors for win-now assets, my hometown boy Metcalf fell all the way to me at the 59th pick. What’s going on, fellas? I didn’t even bother to explore the trade market on this one. Young WR who fits my build, plays for my Seattle Seahawks, not much to dissect here, let’s gobble up my favorite value of this draft and move on to my worst…
6.02 – Kenny Pickett: F
In hindsight, this was an obvious mistake. After the early run at the position, Pickett and Matt Ryan were the only QBs picked between the 4.12 and 9.2. For those of you doing the math at home, that’s exactly 50 picks. 2 QBs picked. In superflex. After 21 went in the first 50 picks. Make it make sense.
In all seriousness, in that moment, I felt like I had no choice, which is the last position you want to be in a startup. Due to my draft slot and lust for value, I had the worst QB room in the league and didn’t think I could wait any longer to take my QB2. Clearly, I was wrong, and ended up making a horriific reach (although slightly less egregious given how my league values QBs).
First round QBs that make it past pick 15 don’t have a pretty track record. Among active players, Lamar Jackson, Joe Flacco and Aaron Rodgers are the only success stories. It’s honestly more likely that he’s the next Paxton Lynch.
In my defense, Pickett arguably has the highest upside of all the QBs remaining (with the exception of Malik Willis) simply by virtue of being a rookie and we haven’t seen him play yet, and does have first-round draft capital (barely).
He has the youth I’m strictly sticking to with my selections, and has a solid supporting cast, although Pittsburgh’s O-line worries me, especially because Pickett has shown skittishness in the pocket. However, the tipping point for me with this selection was the landing spot in a different sense, and no, I don’t mean that the former Pittsburgh Panther got picked by the Steelers.
Mike Tomlin still hasn’t had a losing season as a head coach (despite Mason Rudolph’s best efforts). The Steelers have had a total of three head coaches since LBJ was president, all of whom are Super Bowl victors. It is this stability that gives me faith. At the very least, the Steelers will give Pickett every shot to prove he is a franchise quarterback. They won’t pull the plug early like what happened to Josh Rosen.
Additionally, this means it’s less likely they’ll have a draft selection high enough to replace Pickett in upcoming drafts, although it is a significant possibility with the projected influx of QB talent in the 2023 draft he’d have to compete with a Garoppolo-type veteran in a year as those rookies supplant low-end starters such as Mills, Mariota, or Lock.
Basically, I’m just hoping Pickett turns into a Flacco-Cousins type with better wheels, and if that’s the case, I’ll have adequate value for this selection. And if he crashes and burns, which is admittedly more likely, there are still plenty of falling WRs available due to the way the board has shaken out thus far and I have 6 out of the next 24 picks due to my earlier trades, so there’s plenty of value to be had.
Succinctly, this pick was rushed to ensure I wasn’t locked out of the QB market entirely. Still, definitely an F grade. Looking back, it may have been advantageous for me to overpay to try to move into the top 7 picks to secure a stud QB to anchor my roster.
6.03 – (Traded for 6.08 + 2023 2nd): A
Cowboys fan took Zeke at 6.03. I told you my fellow owners were going all-in for 2022-or-bust. Still, I got away with highway robbery here.
6.08 – Drake London: B+
As the 22nd WR off the board, this is good value, as he is ranked WR12 on KeepTradeCut. With this said, I should mention to all those new to KTC that, while a valuable resource, it regularly over-values rookies due to its crowdsource methodology and does have blind spots. With that said, it is a valuable resource, and one of my favorites. My startup draft pick trade value chart has a random 1st valued as the 7.06, so I’m happy to get the consensus #2 rookie here.
Back to the pick. Besides the immediate projected target volume (which I’m not as concerned about given my productive struggle strategy), London checks all the traditional boxes that correlate to production at the next level. College production? 45.4% receiving yard share last season. Draft capital? First WR off the board at 8th overall. Size? 6’4”, 220lbs with 95th percentile arm length.
Historically, breakout age and early declare status aren’t as strongly correlated to NFL success as most think, but he does check those boxes. Specifically, he had a 99th percentile breakout age. Again, I’m not overly concerned with that, but it certainly can’t hurt.
His 20-yard shuttle and vertical jump were below-average, but he’s the best contested catch guy in this class, so it’s not a huge concern. Although I prefer WR prospects with the skillset of a Garrett Wilson / Stefon Diggs (smooth route-runners), London compares favorably to a Marques Colston / Mike Evans.
Of course, the one knock on London is his 4.6 40-time, but that is certainly not a dealbreaker. The Fantasy Stock Exchange did an excellent analysis that made the argument that a WR doesn’t need to be fast to succeed at the NFL level, they simply need to not be slow. I loathe to show camp hype, but he certainly doesn’t appear to be slow here:
[London vs. Hayward](https://twitter.com/PFF/status/1554979058043289602)
More importantly, pay attention to his footwork; he establishes inside leverage immediately with a smooth head fake, turning the corner all the way around. Honestly, it’s a lose-lose situation for the defender at this point. Given that he is out of position, if he doesn’t commit to the inside-breaking route, he is certainly beat, and that is what London’s release has led him to believe.
However, this sets Casey Hayward up for when London makes a brief, yet effective, fake to the inside at the stem of his route, and breaks around Hayward and upfield. London’s release allows him to only have to commit a subtle fake at the stem of the route, ensuring he maintains his momentum upfield. Beautiful work, and certainly something that can work at the NFL level. And it will have to, since he doesn’t have burner speed.
Is Casey Hayward on the same level as Marshon Lattimore, who London will have to face twice yearly? Probably not, but he’s a former 2-time All-Pro who received a 76 grade from PFF last year, so he’s not washed or a scrub, this is a legitimate starting corner in this league.
Again, I’m sure I sound hypocritical here, but it is important not to read too much into one training camp rep. However, it is encouraging that London is demonstrating sophisticated traits beyond his years, especially considering he couldn’t legally purchase alcohol at the time he was drafted.
6.09 – Elijah Moore: B-
This is my first pick that I willingly made before their ADP would suggest (83 on Sleeper), although he has risen from 63 to 50 in the last month on KTC, so perhaps it’s not a reach after all at #69 overall. This really comes down to my love for the player. He was my favorite dynasty prospect coming out of the 2021 class, even before the camp hype and subsequent Bryan Edwards-level adoration from this sub. Thanks for driving his ADP up, y’all…
Anyway, he averaged 8 targets, 5 receptions, 67 yards, and 0.85 TDs in his last 7 games, with the likes of Mike White and the ghost of Joe Flacco “passing” to him. That projects to 85 catches for 1,139 yards and 14 TDs over the course of a 17-game season. Pretty solid, to say the least.
Sure, that scoring pace probably isn’t sustainable, and it’s not a full sample size, but almost half a season isn’t a small one, either. Quality players command targets, so I’m not concerned whatsoever about the addition of Garrett Wilson and return of Corey Davis. When it comes to WRs, I focus on the talent, whereas RBs rely more on pure opportunity (cough Mike Davis cough).
Despite my aforementioned love for Zach Wilson, I’m rational enough to be concerned he could hold back the Jets offense, but White/Flacco did as well, as that didn’t adversely affect Moore. While he may not have prototypical size, the man has future stud written all over him. Taking this swing in the 6th round on my WR4 is too juicy to pass up. However, this was a selection made at or above ADP, so I can’t justify anything better than a B- grade here.
7.01 – (Traded for 9.05 + 2023 1st): A+
I don’t think my leaguemates got the memo about the 2023 draft class.
The perennially underrated Diontae Johnson had fallen all the way here, and the Steelers fan in my league absolutely had to have him. Good value for the draft slot, but not for what he gave up to get Johnson (obviously). If you can select Diontae here, jump on it, but please, please, don’t give up a 2023 1st+ to do so… unless you’re in one of my leagues. Moving on.
7.10 – Chris Godwin: A-
With the 7.11 and 8.2 in my back pocket, I had a lot of options here. I was staring down a tier of receivers including Devonta Smith, Chris Olave, Jameson Williams, Jerry Jeudy and Darnell Mooney. With AJ Dillon and Antonio Gibson still on the board, I considered going Dillon (Gibson scares the shit out of me as a dynasty asset) and probably should’ve. However, I was intently avoiding RBs for a few reasons.
One, I actually want RB to be a weak link on my team this year to secure the 2023 1.01. Second, I’m not anticipating this roster being ready to compete until 2024, and I want RBs who will still be on their rookie contract by then. I don’t want their best seasons spent dragging my team to 6-8 records then turning 27 once my team is ready to win a ‘ship. The only RB I had seriously considered to this point was Ken Walker at 6.9, and even then, mostly to pair with DK since I’m a Seahawks fan.
I did actually break my own rule of only taking ascending assets however, and went with Godwin. The value was simply too good to pass up. The ACL tear and recent Julio signing had apparently scared my fellow owners into allowing the WR10 in PPG in 2021 to fall into my lap at the end of the 7th.
However, I have every intent of trading Godwin to a contender once he rounds back into low-end WR1 / high-end WR2 form. At 26, he is somehow the elder statesman of my roster by 2 years and will be approaching the twilight of his prime once I anticipate my championship window beginning in 2024. Even worse, the likelihood of Brady playing past 47 is slim-to-none, unless the last record he aims to break is George Blanda’s (look him up, kids).
I generally don’t pick players with the intent of trading them, but in this case, Godwin was my highest-ranked player by a wide margin. And one doesn’t succeed in dynasty by passing opportunities like this up. The only reason I can’t give myself higher than an A- is because he doesn't exactly fit my build, but I’ll deal with that in a few months.
7.11 – Devonta Smith: C+
At this point, my lineup is starting to take shape. Not that it matters for a rebuilding team, but I now have Ja’Marr Chase and DK as my WR1 and 2, with Elijah Moore and Smith in my FLEX spots, with Godwin ready to step in for any underperformer once he’s fully healthy (which, by all indications, could be Week 1). Sure, my QBs are Lawrence / Pickett, and I haven’t selected a RB or TE yet, but I now I have three 2023 1sts, goddammit! According to this sub, that’s even better than a championship! /s
As for Smith himself, similarly to Moore, I was infatuated with his profile coming out of Alabama. He fits exactly what I’m looking for; silky-smooth route runner, incredible college production that immediately translated to the NFL with a WR30 season as a rookie despite playing in the most run-heavy offense in the league, albeit with limited target competition.
The addition of AJ Brown means a smaller slice of the target pie, although the flip side of the coin is he won’t be facing the opposing team’s top corner anymore. And the Eagles can’t possibly run the ball as much as they did in 2021… right?
This is an okay pick. Good, not great value, fits what I’m trying to do with a young non-RB with an easy path to increase in value, and won’t hit his prime until I’m ready to compete.
8.2 – Jameson Williams: C+
AnOtHeR WR?
I’ll be the first to admit, this is a risky strategy, especially because due to the insane depth at the position, I anticipate it will be more difficult to trade away any of these wideouts than it would be a QB, RB or TE where the talent pool is more shallow. With that said, my plan is to hoard RBs from round 10 on, where I can select handcuffs such as Rhamondre Stevenson, Khalil Herbert, Michael Carter, or basically any rookie halfback.
On the bright side, I am loaded with assets that possess a longevity that RBs don’t, and with an average age of 23, I don’t have to worry about this position for the next half-decade. WRs should be the plurality of any dynasty roster anyway.
Williams, my second young WR product from Alabama in the last 4 picks, was the perfect target for me as a rebuilding team. He won’t play for much of 2022, but that’s baked into his price so there’s limited room for depreciation. Jared Goff, due to his contract, likely will be quarterbacking the Lions until 2024, and he truly loathes throwing the ball deep (Goff’s average depth of target was dead-last in the league last year).
However, I don’t think anyone anticipates Goff sticking around past 2023, and virtually anyone Detroit replaces him with has to throw a better deep ball, or choose to throw them at all. Besides, Jameson showed off his YAC ability in college a la Jaylen Waddle, so he’s not a one-trick pony. Which is even more useful, because his afterburners force defensive backs in man coverage to give him plenty of cushion, so being typecast into what we anticipate Chark’s role to be this year may be misguided.
I know this has been repeated ad nauseum, but it bears repeating; Jameson had a good shot at being the top receiver off the board in April had he not torn his ACL in January. It’s too bad we didn’t get to see him show off at the combine or Pro Day, he legitimately could’ve run in the 4.2’s. While Goff may hamstring Williams’ prospects until 2024, again, this matches my timeline, and Williams has game-breaking upside.
8.9 – (Traded for 10.11 + 2023 2nd): C-
This is the first trade I’ve made so far this draft where I wish I would’ve stayed put. Had Gibson / Dillon fallen a couple picks further, I would’ve taken my RB1 here, and I just missed out on Darnell Mooney too. So I was stuck with a massive tier of Marquise Brown, Gabe Davis, Skyy Moore, Chase Claypool and Kadarius Toney. I’m a huge Toney stan but this felt a bit early, and it’s not like I needed any more young WRs.
I could’ve selected Jameis Winston here, but that felt like a reach too, although that’s the route I ultimately would’ve gone with had I not traded down. 2023 should be a loaded enough class to acquire a decent prospect with the additional pick I obtained, despite this 2023 2nd coming from a team just as loaded, by the looks of their draft so far.
I’ve tried to avoid trading for 2023 picks from the teams leaning most heavily into the win-now strategy, but this owner was the only taker. The later in the draft we get, the less interest in trading down there seems to be, as seen by the return I received here. Still a fair deal for both sides, I’d say.
9.5 – Davis Mills: C
When Zach Wilson was taken one pick ahead of me at the 4.12, I identified a clear tier drop in my QB rankings. ADP reflects this as well. So I had to formulate a backup plan. After I reached for Pickett in the next round, I decided that I needed either Mills or Winston as my QB3. I may be a productive struggle team, but I’m not trying to “tank”, I’m still going to field the best lineup at my disposal come Week 1. To do otherwise would run contrary to the spirit of the game.
Besides, I required more QB depth should Pickett, Lawrence, or both (God forbid) faceplant in the coming years. And I have little-to-no interest in Tannehill, Wentz, Goff, Mayfield, or any of the rookies at this juncture. I could take a shot on Trubisky in the later rounds to pair with Pickett, but with my QB room so undermanned, I needed a guaranteed starter.
I was torn between the Saints’ and Texans’ signal callers. In my opinion, Winston has more job security, as his contract practically prohibits the Saints from jettisoning him until 2024. Mills could be replaced as soon as the 2023 draft. However, my championship window ought to be opening in 2024, at which point Jameis will be 30 as opposed to 25 for Mills.
We all know what Jameis is. Best-case, a league-average starter. A rich man’s Ryan Fitzpatrick. Mills, not so much, but his range of outcomes is somewhere between CarCousins to Dalton/Goff. If I can get the Texans starting QB for the foreseeable future in the 9th round, that’s a steal. But it’s just as likely that he’s a one year rental.
Winston, on the other hand, appeared to have finally turned the page on his turnover-prone ways, tossing only 3 in 7 games before his injury, and actually led all QBs in points-per-dropback. The more I began to look into it, the more I started to buy into Winston. The year of tutelage under Payton/Brees seemed to do him good when he finally took the field in 2021. He looked like a different player, dare I say, a fringe QB1/2, with the improved supporting cast?
I arrived at the conclusion that Jameis is the most underrated dynasty QB at the moment, in my book. What he was able to accomplish, and avoid, with Marquez Callaway as his top receiver last year was remarkable. The Saints still have an above-average O-line, and a revamped WR core that could prove to be lethal as soon as this season. I expect him to have a top-15 season in 2021. He’s always been a better fantasy than real-life asset due to his scattershot accuracy.
So, at the time of my Pickett selection, my plan was to wait until one of Mills or Winston was picked, then snap the other up immediately. I was fully anticipating enacting before this point in the draft due to the rate QBs were flying off the board through the first 4 rounds.
However, by the time the 9th round rolled around, I began to dream. Could I secure both? I assumed my win-now league mates would value Winston higher, so I’d take him first, and after just 2 QBs had gone in rounds 5-8, the time was now to secure the most undervalued QB, in my estimation. The run on QBs would resume any time now, I thought, now that most owners had filled out their starting lineups.
I wasn’t wrong. Famous Jameis was taken two picks before me. My dreams of Winston at 9.5 and Mills at 9.11 were dashed.
Oh well. I get my superflex spot filled while Pickett rides the bench all season because he’s probably trash, although Pickett has to start in 2023… right?
God, I hope I get Bryce Young or Stroud next year…
Part 2:
https://www.reddit.com/DynastyFF/comments/wgwya9/startup_draft_guide_and_general_strategy_pt_2/
2022.07.11 20:00 IndieheadsAOTY The r/indieheads Album of the Year 2012 Write-Up Series: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - The Heist
 | Hey everyone and welcome back to the throwback indieheads Album of the Year 2012 Write-Up Series! As always, a slate of our best writers are covering a selection of records from across the year with their own unique perspectives and styles. Today we have u/vapourlomo talking Macklemore & Ryan Lewis' mainstream breakthrough, The Heist. submitted by IndieheadsAOTY to indieheads [link] [comments] October 9, 2012 - Macklemore, LLC Listen: YouTube Spotify Apple Music Background: I didn’t grow up with Macklemore — real name Ben Haggerty — so I can’t tell you exactly how his upbringing was. But I know the basic facts: he grew up in the ‘80s and ‘90s in Seattle’s Capitol Hill. Nowadays, Capitol Hill is extremely gentrified and stuffed with shiny condos, so you might think that’s a great fit for Macklemore’s proudly corny rap. But back in the day, Cap Hill was known as an edgier, cooler neighborhood. It was the center of Seattle’s LGBT and artist communities (and still sort-of is, if they’re wealthy members of those communities), and it was next-door to the Central District, one of two major Black communities in Seattle. It was more Mudhoney than Microsoft. It wouldn’t surprise me, growing up in Cap Hill, that Macklemore would quickly become infatuated with music, and rap in particular. I mean, the video for Sir Mix-a-Lot’s legendary (for Seattle locals, at least) single “Posse On Broadway” famously ends at the Dick’s burger stand in the middle of the neighborhood. Now, Seattle is obviously a legendary music city. But the artists that made the Puget Sound’s music scene legendary — Jimi Hendrix, Ann and Nancy Wilson, Kurt Cobain, Carrie Brownstein, Kathleen Hanna, Eddie Vedder, Ben Gibbard, Issac Brock, etc. etc. — come from rock and alternative music. Not rap. Some cities have both major rock and rap scenes, like New York, Los Angeles or Detroit. Seattle isn’t one of them. The Emerald City has only produced two hip-hop megastars: Sir Mix-a-Lot and Macklemore. (Apologies to Ishmael Butler…Shabazz Palaces are cool and all, but they weren’t hitmakers.) Both of them had a very short time at the top, and both got to the top with a proudly goofy novelty song. (shoutout to “Baby Got Back”) This isn’t wholly surprising. Hip-hop is obviously a Black art form, first and foremost, and Seattle has a fairly small population of Black people for a major city — about 7.1%. In comparison, in Atlanta, the epicenter of modern hip-hop, nearly half the residents are Black. Of course, this doesn’t stop the privileged suburban kids of the Pacific Northwest from loving rap anyways. My high school was mostly upper-middle class, located in Seattle’s shiny Eastside suburbs. For context: if Seattle is New York, the Eastside is Connecticut. But we all loved rap. In the early ‘10s, most of us weren’t gushing over the new albums from Fleet Foxes, who actually were from our region. Nope — the jocks listened to Drake. The weirdos listened to Odd Future. The preps listened to (early) Mac Miller. And the cool kids … believe it or not, they listened to Macklemore. By the late aughts, Macklemore was starting to gain a small but fiercely loyal following in the Seattle area. It helped that he was EXTREMELY proud to be from Seattle and repped the city whenever he got the chance. One of his first singles to blow up, “The Town,” is all about the early underground Seattle rap scene. A line from that song frequently popped up in people’s Facebook photo captions whenever they visited the city: “The skyline is etched in my veins/You can never put that out, no matter how hard it rains.” This may sound wild to those of you not from the Seattle area, but trust me: Macklemore was legitimately cool pre-Thrift Shop Popular kids and stoners at my high school wore his Shark Face Gang crew-neck sweatshirts. His comedy single “And We Danced” (which is legitimately great, I think? maybe it’s my nostalgia talking) was a frequent choice whenever someone was handed the aux cord in their buddy’s car. I had friends who bragged about driving to small colleges in Washington to see him perform, and they said the show was electric. So, when “Thrift Shop” came out during the start of school in 2012, it was an immediate hit in my suburb. I heard that sax riff bumping out of stereos in our high school parking lot nonstop. Sure, we loved the bigger mainstream rappers, but Macklemore was OURS. He was proudly a Seattle guy. And I always secretly wished he could be just as big as Drake or Kanye. Well … that happened. And then things changed. Review by u/vapourlomo I’m just going to get these two opinions out of the way before we dive in:
The three hit singles from the album conveniently fall into one of those three types: “Thrift Shop” is a comedy banger, “Can’t Hold Us” is a jock jam, and “Same Love” is a serious message tune. And all three of those songs are great! “Can’t Hold Us” is probably the easiest to defend — it just objectively slaps. Seattle singer Ray Dalton (love that Macklemore got mostly local unknowns to guest on the album!) delivers a monster hook, Ryan Lewis’ bouncy production gets you amped, and Macklemore is clearly having a blast, tiptoeing between random A Tribe Called Quest and Sir Mix-a-Lot references, while proudly repping Seattle. Even Macklemore skeptics would likely enjoy this song — it’s the single I’d bet will still stick around 20-30 years from now. A true pop-rap classic. “Thrift Shop” is obviously ridiculous, but that’s kind of the appeal. It’s a comedy song. I know we all got sick of that sax squonk in 2013, but with fresh ears, this song is fun as hell. It’s eminently quotable — “had a broken keyboard, bought a broken keyboard”, “AWWW HE GOT THE VELCROS!”, “I’ll wear your grandpa’s clothes/I look incredible” — and the chorus is an earworm. Just think of it as a hipstery Weird Al song, and you’ll enjoy it a lot more. (Or maybe not, if you don’t like silly humor. That’s fine too!) And then … sigh … there’s “Same Love.” I’ve seen so many people make fun of this song online. If he released the track as-is today, I’d agree with those criticisms that it’s self-serving and corny. But this was 2012: gay marriage wasn’t legal in the U.S. yet. Hell, it wasn’t even legal in Washington yet — although it was approved in the statewide election that November, hence why Macklemore released the song that year to coincide with our state vote. For a rapper to release a song, at that time, that is unequivocally, forcefully, pro-gay marriage was a ballsy move. Unfortunately, if you listen to many classic rap albums pre-2010s, you’ll hear some uses of that f-slur. And you can make fun of the “when I was in 2nd grade, I thought I was gay” intro as much as you’d like — it’s easily the worst part of the song — but the rest of the lyrics are pretty lazer-focused on critiquing bigotry. Mary Lambert’s chorus is phenomenal as well. The song isn’t perfect, but it’s still a deeply passionate, well-intentioned and well-composed song tackling a critical problem of its time. As for the rest of the album — it’s okay! It does get too self-serious and plodding at points — “Neon Cathedral” in particular is a dirge — but there are some definite non-hit highlights. The fourth single, “White Walls,” is a classic banger (featuring Schoolboy Q!!). “Wings” and “Starting Over” are legitimately powerful message songs about novel topics (consumerism-driven violence and the guilt of relapsing into alcoholism, respectively). And even though opener “Ten Thousand Hours” does feel a bit too much like late-era Eminem, it’s also got a great synth riff and some charmingly ridiculous faux-inspirational lyrics (would you believe Macklemore compares himself to Bowie, Kanye AND Basquiat in the same song?? Truly wild.) Of course, I wouldn’t be a true Seattleite if I didn’t give a shout out to an earlier song of his that was tacked on as a bonus track: “My Oh My.” You see, there are plenty of other rap songs about a rapper’s favorite local team. But this song isn’t just about the tragically depressing Seattle Mariners — oh no. It’s about their PLAY-BY-PLAY ANNOUNCER. This is, literally and figuratively, inside baseball. And god damnit, I love it. It’s great storytelling from Macklemore, and like any Mariners fan, I get chills when he samples a recording of Dave Niehaus’ legendary call of The Double: “The throw to the plate will be … LATE!!! THE MARINERS ARE GOING TO PLAY FOR THE AMERICAN LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP!!! I DON’T BEEEEELIEVE IT!!” (I’m gonna have to cut myself off here before I start waxing poetic about the 1995 Mariners, but trust me when I say that in Seattle, they’re somehow more legendary than the Seahawks/Sonics/Huskies/Storm/Sounders teams that actually won championships. And Dave Niehaus’ legendary calls were a major part of building that legacy.) Macklemore, post-Heist: You’d think Seattle’s teens would be THRILLED that their hometown hero became one of the biggest popstars on the planet, blocking Justin Timberlake and Rihanna singles from the top of the charts. And at first, we were! I vividly remember the “Can’t Hold Us” video, which prominently features Macklemore parachuting onto the goddamn Space Needle, feeling like a true coronation. Finally, we had our Seattle music legend: the Boomers had Jimi, Gen Xers had Kurt, and we had Macklemore. But that honeymoon curdled fast. I remember by late 2013, some of the same teens I remember adoring Macklemore when he was a local sensation suddenly making snarky remarks about him on Twitter. The guy they once thought was impossibly cool was now a dorky sellout poser. Of course, the 2014 Grammys — when Macklemore beat out Kendrick Lamar for multiple awards and then awkwardly apologized for it on Instagram afterwards — didn’t help matters. Now, Macklemore was firmly pop. He wasn’t the underground hero, he was rap’s Meghan Trainor. By the time Macklemore & Ryan Lewis released their follow up, This Unruly Mess I’ve Made, in early 2016, it was too late. The lead single, “Downtown,” was a moderate hit — and I’ll just take a second to say that it’s a monster banger, probably Macklemore’s best song — but nothing else connected. The world only had room for one goofy and earnest rapper at a time, and everyone had moved on from the Seattle dude with the weird hair to the yelpy Chicago kid who loved his wife, Jesus, and Kanye. (The follow up to that guy’s breakthrough didn’t turn out too well either, but that’s an essay for the 2019 Album Of The Year series.) Now, a decade after The Heist, Macklemore hasn’t been forgotten — but he does hold a weird place in pop culture. Among hip-hop fans, he’ll always be remembered as “the Thrift Shop guy who beat Kendrick at the Grammys” and probably not much more. Among older white people (like my parents), he’s still one of the few rappers they actually tolerate “because he doesn’t rap about drugs and guns and ho’s!” In Seattle, Macklemore’s legacy is complicated. He’s unequivocally the biggest star we’ve had since Kurt Cobain, but he’s nowhere near as lionized. The Seattle establishment seems to love using him as a mascot for the city — he’s frequently trotted out as a local celebrity at events and Seahawk games — but the cool kids still hate his guts. There was a pretty sizable backlash this spring when the Mariners switched their 7th Inning Stretch song, which had been “Louie Louie” for decades (longer than the Red Sox have used “Sweet Caroline”!) to “Can’t Hold Us.” But there was also some backlash to the backlash — for every “ugh I hate Macklemore,” there was another “stop being pretentious, he’s fun!” I honestly believe a Macklemore re-evaluation is coming. It won’t be a massive one — don’t expect Pitchfork or Rolling Stone to say The Heist was secretly an all-time classic. But as the specter of the 2014 Grammys fades, I’d hope more people will look back at Macklemore and say, “You know what? He’s corny, but this is some fun stuff.” Or at the very least, maybe Macklemore can slowly become what Sir Mix-a-Lot has become: Nationally, a flash-in-the-pan ... but in Seattle, a local legend who the rest of the country will never fully appreciate. Favorite Lyrics They be like, "Oh, that Gucci? That's hella tight"
Maaaan I’m loungin’
I'm an individual, yeah, but I'm part of a movement
Those three-plus years, I was so proud of
Dave Niehaus' voice would echo throughout the yard
|
2022.07.04 12:57 Socratov What we can learn from Actual Play media - who the friends that me made along the way really is most important
Edit: excuse the title, I missed a few successes on my roll... -.-
Yes, I know I tagged this as general discussion, not as Media, but my point isn't going to what is good as a medium, or what works on screen, but would like to take it as an example (which people can experience in the same way as others, for research purposes). It will be wordy, it might come off as a ramble, but these are my 2cents and I'm curious what you (vtm reddit hivemind) think.
BLUF: I think that what makes a good game of VtM isn't tied to edition or type of story encountering, but in the relationships between characters. The story is immaterial, the hallucinated emotions aren't; they are the core asset to a good game.
SoI know, if you ask 3 redditors for an opinion ono what makes a good game, you get 4 answers (if not more). But the past days for me have seen some discussion and pondering on the actual plays I have seen/listened to or tried and quit. Before, I couldn't really tell you why I liked what I liked and why I dislike what I disliked. I had some vague hypotheses on pacing, level of acting, production, types of enemies, progression, locations. But they never game me a satisfying answer of why. Why did I finish LAbN, love Stitch of Fate (SoF) and Path of Night (PoN), but not Seattle by Night, Miami by Night, Blood on the Thames/Severn, etc.
Which led me to thinking about what I liked about those. I liked the episodes of LAbN, but not so much the after show scenes. I likes some characters, but others I didn't. Reflecting on the shows I liked led me on realising that for me the core of enjoyment came from watching Cynthia Marie and B Dave Walters interact on LAbN. The relationship between them and Jasper adds another level of depth. Nelli G and Victor Temple act as the core. They take their respective roles and make them the foundation for their relationship: victor is rich, ambitious and takes a lot of care for the logistical side of the coterie. Nelli uses this connection to create fashion shows and in return gives Victor some entertainment for his club. This also extends to them being each other's advisor: someone close enough to understand the other's choices and motivations, but with enough distance to their personal stuff to give a clearer analysis. There is an understated trust there between them that they look out for each other without a real dependancy. The power is rather neutral and for that they are able to be candid with each other. I don't think you can get any closer in a friendship between two kindred. When Jasper gets into the picture we can see that jasper has a more professional relationship. jasper is more like their consultant. They do trust him to do his job, but they don't fully include him into their partnership and vice versa. This, too, allows the three of them to be candid with each other nobody holds any real power over the other. Eventually we see these relationship start to strain when Victor becomes 'Undisputed' Baron of the Valley . The relationship reaches equillibrium with Nelli when she becomes Baron of Hollywood. This relationship with Jasper never recovers from this imbalance and they show that in the end with him leaving the coterie for good, it's not the only reason, he lost much more, but if the relationship was still strong he would have had no reason to leave and could have rebuilt his losses in the aftermath. Nelli and Victor certainly offered to help him, which only escalated the issue. I loved this dynamic. Annabelle never had these kinds of relationships as hers never developed. She started out as the coterie's pet (and ball and chain), and could storywise never develop her relationships with the other coterie members beyond it. It doesn't help that LAbN uses the after season solo vignettes to showcase the personal mechanical growth: gaining of contacts, new powers developed, expanding of operations, etc. But they don't often explore the relational side.
I adore how SoF explores the relationships between Vera and Max, Vera and Shaun, and Vera and Duke. They face a lot of stuff which tests those relationships and these grow and deepen as a result. Their after season solo vignettes explore this: Some of them focus on the relationships the drac pack foster outside of the coterie (Max does this a lot), others explore the past and how they forged their relationships with the coterie (Duke does this with his infatuation with Vera) or how they even got where they are now (Vera takes frequent trips down memory lane). We see Duke and Vera mimic Victor and Nelli, but this time it's different: Vera has the position and most of the power. When she says jump, the coterie jumps. But she knows she has her blind spots and encourages Duke to open up to her. Duke often councils her by providing historical context: he followed her since her Scourge days and helps her reflect on how her methods have changed. How she relies more on others and how that is a good thing when developing leadership and acting like a crimeboss in her own right. Meanwhile the main relationship Shaun has is with Vera: he is her per project and Vera and Shaun frequently clash as Vera doesn't know how to engage Shaun, and Shaun has a hard time cleaning up his act. This leads to hilarious misunderstandings (what makes a good date, what is gaming) and violent clashes. Their bond is being tested the most and they solve the issue by using Max and Duke as intermediaries: when one takes on a mentoring role for Shaun, the other does so for Vera to reflect on how they (mis)interpret each other's signals and needs. And the coterie grows throughout all this. Where in LAbN Annabelle is little to no agency in her own actions, Shaun gets the agency and gets to make mistakes, which impact the relationship and plot. He also gets to make a very positive impact and bail out his coterie on occasion.
Before I start reformatting the same points all over again, PoN does this as well: the interpersonally bonds are what drive the coterie and their choices and thus the story. They get the time to develop their bonds so hey have a reason to care.
This is what I missed with SbN and BotT/S: the characters hadn't defined and built their relationships (yet, or took too long a time to do so) and thus didn't care and by extention didn't make me care.
So, why does this impact a home game? Why do I find this important to write an essay on for reddit.com/vtm? Well, because if you want your game to make you feel things, epic fights, tragic loss, you need to be invested. You become invested by emotionally caring. And that will happen a lot more securely when you invest in your character's relationships with the other characters and perhaps, the setting. I think that the V5 core book tries to explain this when explaining the relationship map, but ultimately falls short on explaining why the relationship map matters so much.
I might be late in realising this, but on the off chance that someone else is pondering this I thought I'd share what's on my mind.
submitted by Socratov to vtm [link] [comments]
Yes, I know I tagged this as general discussion, not as Media, but my point isn't going to what is good as a medium, or what works on screen, but would like to take it as an example (which people can experience in the same way as others, for research purposes). It will be wordy, it might come off as a ramble, but these are my 2cents and I'm curious what you (vtm reddit hivemind) think.
BLUF: I think that what makes a good game of VtM isn't tied to edition or type of story encountering, but in the relationships between characters. The story is immaterial, the hallucinated emotions aren't; they are the core asset to a good game.
SoI know, if you ask 3 redditors for an opinion ono what makes a good game, you get 4 answers (if not more). But the past days for me have seen some discussion and pondering on the actual plays I have seen/listened to or tried and quit. Before, I couldn't really tell you why I liked what I liked and why I dislike what I disliked. I had some vague hypotheses on pacing, level of acting, production, types of enemies, progression, locations. But they never game me a satisfying answer of why. Why did I finish LAbN, love Stitch of Fate (SoF) and Path of Night (PoN), but not Seattle by Night, Miami by Night, Blood on the Thames/Severn, etc.
Which led me to thinking about what I liked about those. I liked the episodes of LAbN, but not so much the after show scenes. I likes some characters, but others I didn't. Reflecting on the shows I liked led me on realising that for me the core of enjoyment came from watching Cynthia Marie and B Dave Walters interact on LAbN. The relationship between them and Jasper adds another level of depth. Nelli G and Victor Temple act as the core. They take their respective roles and make them the foundation for their relationship: victor is rich, ambitious and takes a lot of care for the logistical side of the coterie. Nelli uses this connection to create fashion shows and in return gives Victor some entertainment for his club. This also extends to them being each other's advisor: someone close enough to understand the other's choices and motivations, but with enough distance to their personal stuff to give a clearer analysis. There is an understated trust there between them that they look out for each other without a real dependancy. The power is rather neutral and for that they are able to be candid with each other. I don't think you can get any closer in a friendship between two kindred. When Jasper gets into the picture we can see that jasper has a more professional relationship. jasper is more like their consultant. They do trust him to do his job, but they don't fully include him into their partnership and vice versa. This, too, allows the three of them to be candid with each other nobody holds any real power over the other. Eventually we see these relationship start to strain when Victor becomes 'Undisputed' Baron of the Valley . The relationship reaches equillibrium with Nelli when she becomes Baron of Hollywood. This relationship with Jasper never recovers from this imbalance and they show that in the end with him leaving the coterie for good, it's not the only reason, he lost much more, but if the relationship was still strong he would have had no reason to leave and could have rebuilt his losses in the aftermath. Nelli and Victor certainly offered to help him, which only escalated the issue. I loved this dynamic. Annabelle never had these kinds of relationships as hers never developed. She started out as the coterie's pet (and ball and chain), and could storywise never develop her relationships with the other coterie members beyond it. It doesn't help that LAbN uses the after season solo vignettes to showcase the personal mechanical growth: gaining of contacts, new powers developed, expanding of operations, etc. But they don't often explore the relational side.
I adore how SoF explores the relationships between Vera and Max, Vera and Shaun, and Vera and Duke. They face a lot of stuff which tests those relationships and these grow and deepen as a result. Their after season solo vignettes explore this: Some of them focus on the relationships the drac pack foster outside of the coterie (Max does this a lot), others explore the past and how they forged their relationships with the coterie (Duke does this with his infatuation with Vera) or how they even got where they are now (Vera takes frequent trips down memory lane). We see Duke and Vera mimic Victor and Nelli, but this time it's different: Vera has the position and most of the power. When she says jump, the coterie jumps. But she knows she has her blind spots and encourages Duke to open up to her. Duke often councils her by providing historical context: he followed her since her Scourge days and helps her reflect on how her methods have changed. How she relies more on others and how that is a good thing when developing leadership and acting like a crimeboss in her own right. Meanwhile the main relationship Shaun has is with Vera: he is her per project and Vera and Shaun frequently clash as Vera doesn't know how to engage Shaun, and Shaun has a hard time cleaning up his act. This leads to hilarious misunderstandings (what makes a good date, what is gaming) and violent clashes. Their bond is being tested the most and they solve the issue by using Max and Duke as intermediaries: when one takes on a mentoring role for Shaun, the other does so for Vera to reflect on how they (mis)interpret each other's signals and needs. And the coterie grows throughout all this. Where in LAbN Annabelle is little to no agency in her own actions, Shaun gets the agency and gets to make mistakes, which impact the relationship and plot. He also gets to make a very positive impact and bail out his coterie on occasion.
Before I start reformatting the same points all over again, PoN does this as well: the interpersonally bonds are what drive the coterie and their choices and thus the story. They get the time to develop their bonds so hey have a reason to care.
This is what I missed with SbN and BotT/S: the characters hadn't defined and built their relationships (yet, or took too long a time to do so) and thus didn't care and by extention didn't make me care.
So, why does this impact a home game? Why do I find this important to write an essay on for reddit.com/vtm? Well, because if you want your game to make you feel things, epic fights, tragic loss, you need to be invested. You become invested by emotionally caring. And that will happen a lot more securely when you invest in your character's relationships with the other characters and perhaps, the setting. I think that the V5 core book tries to explain this when explaining the relationship map, but ultimately falls short on explaining why the relationship map matters so much.
I might be late in realising this, but on the off chance that someone else is pondering this I thought I'd share what's on my mind.
2022.06.07 10:12 Ayushi_05 Things Happened In The Social Media World Last Week
We all know nothing stays the same in the world of social media — whether it's new features, updates, or announcements.
So if you're feeling a little behind on your social media game, here's what happened last week in the social media universe.
I don't know how your last week was. But I do know what things have changed in the social media world last week. First Instagram extended its reels duration, then Meta COO Sheryl Sandberg Announces Her Pending Exit from the Company, Snapchat displayed local restaurants nearby on Snap map, and many more.
So just scroll down, to know all the latest updates on social media platforms to keep you in the loop on what you should be using.
Instagram Updates
On 03 June 2022, The Infatuation, a popular restaurant review site, got partnered with Snapchat to create a new map layer. The new experience allows Snapchat users in eight cities to find nearby restaurants that have been rated highly by the site's contributors. These cities were New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, San Francisco, Austin, Seattle, Philadelphia, Miami, Atlanta, Denver, D.C, and London can use the Layer to find top Infatuation-approved restaurants nearby.
Plus, Snapchatters from around the world will now automatically see Infatuation reviews in Place Profiles in more than 50 cities around the world.
For Snapchatters in major Infatuation hubs, all they have to do to get started is head to our new menu in the upper right-hand corner of the Snap Map and tap The Infatuation icon.
Once the Layer is activated, Snapchatters will see all of their local tops eats and can share their top picks with friends via chat, or add restaurants to their favorites to return back to later–so, whether the night calls for five-course fine dining, or just a quick sushi fix, The Infatuation on Snap Map has you covered.
Pinterest Updates
Twitter Updates
To know more about Social Media platforms updates. You can read about that here.
What do you guys think about the new updates. Tell me in the comment section.
submitted by Ayushi_05 to Entrepreneur [link] [comments]
So if you're feeling a little behind on your social media game, here's what happened last week in the social media universe.
I don't know how your last week was. But I do know what things have changed in the social media world last week. First Instagram extended its reels duration, then Meta COO Sheryl Sandberg Announces Her Pending Exit from the Company, Snapchat displayed local restaurants nearby on Snap map, and many more.
So just scroll down, to know all the latest updates on social media platforms to keep you in the loop on what you should be using.
Instagram Updates
- You’ll be able to create reels in a longer format maximum of up to 90 seconds.
- A range of new stickers to reels got added.
- Meta is also adding a new “Sound Sync” option, which will enable Reels creators to automatically sync their video clips to the beat of a chosen music track.
- Chances of finding a missing child increase when more people are on the lookout, especially in the first few hours. With this update, if an AMBER Alert is activated by law enforcement and you are in the designated search area, the alert will now appear in your Instagram feed.
Snapchat Updates
On 03 June 2022, The Infatuation, a popular restaurant review site, got partnered with Snapchat to create a new map layer. The new experience allows Snapchat users in eight cities to find nearby restaurants that have been rated highly by the site's contributors. These cities were New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, San Francisco, Austin, Seattle, Philadelphia, Miami, Atlanta, Denver, D.C, and London can use the Layer to find top Infatuation-approved restaurants nearby.
Plus, Snapchatters from around the world will now automatically see Infatuation reviews in Place Profiles in more than 50 cities around the world.
For Snapchatters in major Infatuation hubs, all they have to do to get started is head to our new menu in the upper right-hand corner of the Snap Map and tap The Infatuation icon.
Once the Layer is activated, Snapchatters will see all of their local tops eats and can share their top picks with friends via chat, or add restaurants to their favorites to return back to later–so, whether the night calls for five-course fine dining, or just a quick sushi fix, The Infatuation on Snap Map has you covered.
Pinterest Updates
Twitter Updates
To know more about Social Media platforms updates. You can read about that here.
What do you guys think about the new updates. Tell me in the comment section.
2022.06.07 07:50 thegauravnegi Things Happened In The Social Media World Last Week
We all know nothing stays the same in the world of social media — whether it's new features, updates, or announcements. So if you're feeling a little behind on your social media game, here's what happened last week in the social media universe.
Also, a range of new stickers to reels got added a week ago, where you’ll now have new ways to make your reels more creative than before and you guys can better connect with your audience.
Meta is also adding a new “Sound Sync” option, which will enable Reels creators to automatically sync their video clips to the beat of a chosen music track.
But! except from these creative features, Instagram showed its concern about the issue of missing children. And pointing out this cause meta stated that:
“We know that the chances of finding a missing child increase when more people are on the lookout, especially in the first few hours. With this update, if an AMBER Alert is activated by law enforcement and you are in the designated search area, the alert will now appear in your Instagram feed.”
On 03 June 2022, The Infatuation, a popular restaurant review site, got partnered with Snapchat to create a new map layer. The new experience allows Snapchat users in eight cities to find nearby restaurants that have been rated highly by the site's contributors. These cities were New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, San Francisco, Austin, Seattle, Philadelphia, Miami, Atlanta, Denver, D.C, and London can use the Layer to find top Infatuation-approved restaurants nearby.
Plus, Snapchatters from around the world will now automatically see Infatuation reviews in Place Profiles in more than 50 cities around the world.
For Snapchatters in major Infatuation hubs, all they have to do to get started is head to our new menu in the upper right-hand corner of the Snap Map and tap The Infatuation icon.
Once the Layer is activated, Snapchatters will see all of their local tops eats and can share their top picks with friends via chat, or add restaurants to their favorites to return back to later–so, whether the night calls for five-course fine dining, or just a quick sushi fix, The Infatuation on Snap Map has you covered.
submitted by thegauravnegi to socialmedia [link] [comments]
Instagram Updates
Instagram reels are now in their next phase as the parent company meta launched a series of new updates, where you’ll be able to create reels in a longer format maximum of up to 90 seconds.Also, a range of new stickers to reels got added a week ago, where you’ll now have new ways to make your reels more creative than before and you guys can better connect with your audience.
Meta is also adding a new “Sound Sync” option, which will enable Reels creators to automatically sync their video clips to the beat of a chosen music track.
But! except from these creative features, Instagram showed its concern about the issue of missing children. And pointing out this cause meta stated that:
“We know that the chances of finding a missing child increase when more people are on the lookout, especially in the first few hours. With this update, if an AMBER Alert is activated by law enforcement and you are in the designated search area, the alert will now appear in your Instagram feed.”
Snapchat Updates
Last year, Snap chat introduced Layers and within months it quickly became one of the most popular ways for Snapchatters to connect with friends and find things to do in their area.On 03 June 2022, The Infatuation, a popular restaurant review site, got partnered with Snapchat to create a new map layer. The new experience allows Snapchat users in eight cities to find nearby restaurants that have been rated highly by the site's contributors. These cities were New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, San Francisco, Austin, Seattle, Philadelphia, Miami, Atlanta, Denver, D.C, and London can use the Layer to find top Infatuation-approved restaurants nearby.
Plus, Snapchatters from around the world will now automatically see Infatuation reviews in Place Profiles in more than 50 cities around the world.
For Snapchatters in major Infatuation hubs, all they have to do to get started is head to our new menu in the upper right-hand corner of the Snap Map and tap The Infatuation icon.
Once the Layer is activated, Snapchatters will see all of their local tops eats and can share their top picks with friends via chat, or add restaurants to their favorites to return back to later–so, whether the night calls for five-course fine dining, or just a quick sushi fix, The Infatuation on Snap Map has you covered.
2022.04.29 15:13 Comprehensive-Sink55 32 grades for 32 selections
1) Jacksonville Jaguars – Travon Walker, EDGE, Georgia
This is the pick we expected for months, though it’s still one of the rougher first picks in memory. Sure, Walker is super athletic. But he’s only one percent more athletic than the likes of Aidan Hutchinson or Kayvon Thibodeaux. Walker clearly isn’t as talented as these other two guys, and it could be a huge price that Jaguars general manager Trent Baake pays later on.Grade: B-
Check out our scouting report on him.
2) Detroit Lions – Aidan Hutchinson, EDGE, Michigan
The hometown hero. Hutchinson grew up in Michigan, played high school there, and eventually dominated at the University of Michigan. Hutchinson is the top edge rusher in this class and a near-home run for the Lions. He fits the Dan Campbell scheme so well and brings in a motor that Detroit is trying to install in their organization.Grade: A
Check out our scouting report on him.
3) Houston Texans – Derek Stingley Jr., CB, LSU
Stingley to the Texans was something heating up for weeks leading up to this draft, and after a ton of uncertainty, he’s finally the selection. With Steven Nelson being the top corner in Houston, it was an obvious need, though Stingley was my third-best cornerback on the board, and guys like Ahmad Gardner and Andrew Booth Jr. caused this grade to lower. Still, Stingley has enormous upside because of his twitch and athletic ability.Grade: B+
Check out our scouting report on him.
4) New York Jets – Ahmad “Sauce” Gardner, CB, Cincinnati
There were temptations to move this pick to a lower grade for one reason. The first is scheme fit. For months we talked about how Robert Saleh takes his corners based on the scheme. Gardner doesn’t really fit the scheme, but the talent level is just so high. It was an expected pick for the Jets, though it was the beginning of the chaos, and the Jets got the best player available.Grade: A
Check out our scouting report on him.
5) New York Giants – Kayvon Thibodeaux, EDGE, Oregon
Again we see the best player on the board get taken. Almost everyone thought the Giants would go Evan Neal here, but with the first four picks not being any of the top tackles, they clearly liked both Neal and Ikem Ekwonu, no matter what the Carolina Panthers did. Thibodeaux will now team up with Azeez Ojulari to cause hectic off the edge. He packs a nasty first step, absurd explosiveness, and great potential.Grade: A
Check out our scouting report on him.
6) Carolina Panthers – Ikem Ekwonu, OT, NC State
Don’t get me wrong, Ekwonu is a phenomenal player. But, this needed to be a trade down. Carolina has one of if not the worst rosters in the NFL. On top of that, they do not have a pick on Day 2 in one of the most Day 2 heavy drafts we’ve ever had. All of the trade talks aside, Ekwonu will be a cornerstone on this line for at least five years.Grade: B+
Check out our scouting report on him.
7) New York Giants – Evan Neal, OT, Alabama
The Giants are the early winners of the first round. They make arguably the best player out there at the five-spot and arguably the other best player out there at seven. Additionally, Neal fits New York’s biggest need: offensive tackle. Neal can come in and park himself opposite Andrew Thomas, creating one of the best young duos in the NFL.Grade: A+
Check out our scouting report on him.
8) Atlanta Falcons – Drake London, WR, USC
It’s easy to see the reasoning behind this pick, but it’s probably the worst we’ve seen so far. London can catch any ball thrown his way. The problem is, who’s going to throw it to him down the road? Furthermore, London’s functional strength mid-route and off the line is not the greatest. That’s the big knock on him that will hold London back early, and the talent level isn’t better than the likes of Jameson Williams or Garrett Wilson.Grade: C+
Check out our scouting report on him.
9) Seattle Seahawks – Charles Cross, OT, Mississippi State
Cross is not the tackle that Seattle needs to start in Week 1. However, the tools are all there. Cross has immediate value against the pass. His problem is the run game. The best thing he really does is just box players out to finish the play. Cross came in at 41 on my big board, though he was one that I went back and forth on and can eventually live with this pick.Grade: B
Check out our scouting report on him.
10) New York Jets – Garrett Wilson, WR, Ohio State
This was a sneaky pick to close out the top 10. With all the steam the Jets blew off about selecting Jermaine Johnson here, they go with a pick that was mocked in the early days of this draft cycle. Wilson is an immediate big-time weapon added to second-year quarterback Zach Wilson‘s arsenal, one that could be a staple of the offense for years to come with how safe a floor he has.Grade: A
Check out our scouting report on him.
11) New Orleans Saints (via Washington) – Chris Olave, WR, Ohio State
Our first trade and it’s Mickey Loomis with his classic aggression. We know through and through that, the Saints were infatuated with Olave, but no one could imagine this much. He’s a great receiver, sure, but was the price too much? Maybe. Olave gets the title from some as the best route runner, but functional strength is a must-add as soon as he touches down in New Orleans.Grade: B
Check out our scouting report on him.
12) Detroit Lions (via Minnesota) – Jameson Williams, WR, Alabama
The trade run, and receiver run, stay in check. As soon as Detroit made this deal, we figured they had moved up to grab their quarterback of the future, Malik Willis. This was not the case. Instead, the Lions took one of the top receivers out there. The Lions add to a young core featured with one of last year’s big-time sleepers, Amon-Ra St. Brown.Grade: B+
Check out our scouting report on him.
13) Philadelphia Eagles (via Houston) – Jordan Davis, DL, Georgia
When the Eagles made the move, most thought that it was for Williams if Detroit took Willis. However, general manager Howie Roseman clearly had his own plan. He took the monstrous-sized defensive tackle out of Georgia to give them their very own run-stuffer. Fletcher Cox will come off the books next season, and Davis will be great for years to come (with the right conditioning).Grade: A-
Check out our scouting report on him.
14) Baltimore Ravens – Kyle Hamilton, SAF, Notre Dame
Hamilton is the best player in the entire draft. We knew he was going to slide a bit, but never into the hands of Baltimore. This is easily the best pick of the first round in terms of best playing available. Hamilton can give the Ravens literally anything on the defensive side of the ball. He has great range and can line up in the box, single-high, or two-high. This selection could be the one we talk about for years.Grade: A+
Check out our scouting report on him.
15) Houston Texans (via Philadelphia) – Kenyon Green, iOL, Texas A&M
The Davis Mills era is in full effect. After taking Stingley at third overall, the Texans got their guy at 15 even after a trade down. Green sets up ultimate protection for Mills as he bounces inside and can maul guys in both the run and pass game. While the Texans already have a nice line, it gets solidified by Green.Grade: B
Check out our scouting report on him.
16) Washington Commanders (via New Orleans) – Jahan Dotson, WR, Penn State
This was the biggest shocker of the first round up to this point. The Commanders could’ve had Hamilton back at 11. Instead, they trade down for Dotson. Dotson runs great routes and has a nice twitch, but the size, need, and what they could’ve had, hold him back big-time. This selection makes virtually no sense for Washington as they nearly lose the night.Grade: D
Check out our scouting report on him.
17) Los Angeles Chargers – Zion Johnson, iOL, Boston College
Johnson is an amazing get for the Chargers. The only reason the pick grade gets a knock on the letter grade is due to the fact they did not address the interior defensive line. Otherwise, Johnson comes in and puts the finishing touches on an ever-lasting offensive line rebuild in Los Angeles. This is one of the best picks of the mid-first round, one that the Chargers didn’t even need to make a move for.Grade: A-
Check out our scouting report on him.
18) Tennessee Titans (via Philadelphia) – Treylon Burks, WR, Arkansas
Tennessee traded star receiver A.J. Brown to the Eagles for a first and a third. With that first-rounder, they use it on mini-Brown. Burks comes in and plays nearly the same role Brown does while giving you hints of Deebo Samuel. What that can do is allow Derrick Henry to get some extra touches off, something that he needs with the injuries starting to accumulate. Overall, the Titans did everything they needed to here, with Brown receiving such a big contract.Grade: A
Check out our scouting report on him.
19) New Orleans (via Philadelphia) – Trevor Penning, OT, Northern Iowa
After giving Penning an early-second round grade after the Senior Bowl, he has shot down on my board. On my final big board, I had Penning as my 72nd best prospect. He is a tackle that teams should not want to have. There is no way he starts Week 1 and no way that the Saints could’ve chosen him to be the guy to replace Terron Armstead.Grade: D
Check out our scouting report on him.
20) Pittsburgh Steelers – Kenny Pickett, QB, Pittsburgh
It was obvious that Pittsburgh was taking a quarterback, just not Pickett, to be that guy. For months, the Steelers seemed all in on Willis. They had Senior Bowl meets and more, all to select the hometown kid in Pickett. With development, this can be a very good NFL quarterback, but if he’s the one that is the future in Pittsburgh? That seems up in the air.Grade: C+
Check out our scouting report on him.
21) Kansas City Chiefs (via New England) – Trent McDuffie, CB, Washington
This whole pick got thrown in motion via a trade-up with AFC counterpart New England Patriots. With that pick, instead of taking a receiver as everyone thought, they took one of the smartest defensive backs out there. McDuffie will certainly slot into the cornerback role, not the safety spot that was tossed around a bit pre-draft, and can lockdown for a hurting secondary.Grade: B
Check out our scouting report on him.
22) Green Bay Packers – Quay Walker, LB, Georgia
Walker is a very solid player, but it just doesn’t work. The need for a linebacker is not there. Wide receiver was, or edge rusher was the clear option, and the talent on the board was insane. Johnson, George Karlaftis, Arnold Ebiketie, Daxton Hill, and more were on the board, but Green Bay decided to go with the fifth-best linebacker on the board.Grade: C-
Check out our scouting report on him.
23) Buffalo Bills (via Baltimore) – Kaiir Elam, CB, Florida
One of the best players available and the Bills’ biggest need. Elam was my 12th-ranked player and fits the bill for the Bills perfectly. He’s long, instinctual, and tough to beat in man coverage. Elam and Tre’Davious White can combine to be the best cornerback duo in the NFL if Elam can develop into the player it looks like he can be.Player Grade: A
Check out our scouting report on him.
24) Dallas Cowboys – Tyler Smith, OT, Tulsa
Smith was rising into the first round for the past few weeks. This is such a Jerry Jones selection, but one that is not all that bad. If he’ll play early on is still to be determined. Smith is definitely more of a project for a first-round guy, though he’s still a better selection than someone like Penning or any of the other lower-tier tackles.Grade: C+
Check out our scouting report on him.
25) Baltimore Ravens (via Buffalo) – Tyler Linderbaum, iOL, Iowa
Eric DeCosta may be the best general manager when it comes to the draft. He not only got the best talent in this draft, but he got arguably the best player regardless of positional value. This also hits on a need at center. Other than the Giants, the Ravens are the winners of this first round without a doubt.Grade: A+
Check out our scouting report on him.
26) New York Jets – Jermaine Johnson, EDGE, Florida State
New York finally got their man. One prospect always slides in the first round, and Johnson was that guy. The media hyped him up far too much and it showed. Nevertheless, Johnson can be a dominant pass-rusher out of any scheme but will need to work on stiffness and consistency. The mentality and motor are great and will help the culture that Saleh wants to build on a defense that couldn’t get much done next year.Grade: A-
Check out our scouting report on him.
27) Jacksonville Jaguars (via Tampa Bay) – Devin Lloyd, LB, Utah
Lloyd was once regarded as a top-10 pick during the middle of the draft cycle. After poor testing, it saw Lloyd drop a good amount. He is an uber-smart linebacker, though there are struggles. People think Lloyd can line up on the edge and be a versatile guy, but he cannot shed blocks whatsoever. However, the talent with the processing is too much to pass upon, and the Jaguars nab a solid linebacker at 27.Grade: C+
Check out our scouting report on him.
28) Green Bay Packers – Devonte Wyatt, DL, Georgia
It was an eventful past month or so for Wyatt as he had an assault charge come up. Scouts were all over the place with their grades on him, but Wyatt is a good player. He’ll plug in right next to All-Pro Kenny Clark on the defense and pairs up with former Georgia teammate Walker who was picked at 22 for Green Bay. Still, the need wasn’t all there compared to the wide receivers on the board.Grade: B-
Check out our scouting report on him.
29) New England Patriots – Cole Strange, iOL, Chattanooga
Perhaps the big shocker to everyone shouldn’t have been a shocker at all. Bill Belichick is going to do what he wants and if he sees a first-year starter out of this 6-foot-4 guard/tackle then that’s the guy that’ll work. Strange is a bit of a PFF merchant, but he packs a 9.95 raw athletic score and the talent is there despite the lack of having a big name. The grade lowers because of what was left on the board, but this one can have good potential.Grade: C-
Check out our scouting report on him.
30) Kansas City Chiefs – George Karlaftis, EDGE, Purdue
Karlaftis was my second-ranked edge and sixth-best player in this entire class. His impact is constant and unstoppable. Teams would have to double-team him non-stop to even handle his strength. For the Chiefs, they take the best player on the board and get to studs on their defense with Karlaftis and McDuffie, and they can add a receiver on Day 2.Grade: A+
Check out our scouting report on him.
31) Cincinnati Bengals – Daxton Hill, DB, Michigan
The Bengals did not take their biggest need: an offensive lineman. However, they did the next best thing. Hill is the definition of versatile. He succeeded everywhere for Michigan, including at boundary corner, in the slot, in the box, single-high, and two-high. The Bengals get a guy who has a serious future with this team and can be the secondary help they need.Grade: A-
Check out our scouting report on him.
32) Minnesota Vikings – Lewis Cine, SAF, Georgia
Minnesota does it yet again. This team in the latter half of the first round has been very good as of late. Cine was my 14th-ranked prospect and second-best safety. He has elite explosiveness that allows him to fly all over the field. Now, Cine will come in and learn from Harrison Smith while potentially playing opposite of him should the Vikings use him at free safety.Grade: A
Check out our scouting report on him.
2022.04.23 19:25 lostandinlove32 We fell in love and don’t know what to do. Desperately looking for advice.
She (F39) and I (M32) fell in love. Simple as that.
We’ve been coworkers for nearly 3 years (she’s remote, so I don’t see her often), have always been very close friends, and are both married. I’ve been married for 7 years, she’s been married for 21 years. She had told me in the past that her marriage is pretty much dead - no sex, no love, just “roommates” and staying together for other reasons (their kids, stability, it’s easier to stay, etc.). My marriage is somewhat healthier. No DB, still get along, etc. I’m what you’d call a cake eater.
We decided to go out, just the two of us, for drinks in early March to catch up. One thing led to another and we kissed for hours. After that, we met up weekly for coffee, drinks or dinner, texted daily, and built a genuinely passionate fling.
After about 3 weeks, I asked her “When does this stop being happy hour or coffee, and start being a date?” We decided our meetups would now be dates…
The next date, we were out for several hours, had a beautiful time, ended up having sex in her car, and we went our respective ways.
This went on for a bit - weekly meetups, all day texting, flirting, etc. One night we were out and the bartender asked us if we were married. I said “No, this is my girlfriend.” She looked at me and said it felt amazing to hear that. So, we decided at that point, that’s what we are. Now it’s a relationship…
Two weeks ago, we both found out we had to fly across the county for a work thing in Seattle. We were so excited to spend that week away together. So that’s what we did. This past week, we flew to Seattle, sitting next to each other on the flights, and stayed with each other every night. We did a dinner together every night and spent every night in bed with each other. It was incredible. We loved every minute of it.
We confessed our Iove to each other. At lunch Tuesday, she looked me in the eyes and said “I love you.” I told her I loved her as well, and I meant it. Infatuation, limerence, NRE, I don’t care what you call it. It’s love to us.
We flew home yesterday. Before we got to baggage claim, we stood in an empty hallway at the airport, said goodbye, cried, and promised each other everything would be OK.
We went back to our respective homes, pretended to be OK, and suffered through the loneliness.
This morning, we spoke about how hard it is to be apart after such an amazing week together.
What a whirlwind - it’s been less than 2 months “dating” but after knowing each other for nearly 3 years, it just feels right. We’re madly in love, but we discussed the fact that neither of us want to leave our marriages. I told her it will be a rough adjustment to go from basically living together for a week to only seeing each other when life allows, but will still talk daily.
However, I don’t know how to emotionally deal with being this deeply in love with someone who I cannot be 100% with. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Do you have any advice? Really struggling here with all of the emotions.
submitted by lostandinlove32 to adultery [link] [comments]
We’ve been coworkers for nearly 3 years (she’s remote, so I don’t see her often), have always been very close friends, and are both married. I’ve been married for 7 years, she’s been married for 21 years. She had told me in the past that her marriage is pretty much dead - no sex, no love, just “roommates” and staying together for other reasons (their kids, stability, it’s easier to stay, etc.). My marriage is somewhat healthier. No DB, still get along, etc. I’m what you’d call a cake eater.
We decided to go out, just the two of us, for drinks in early March to catch up. One thing led to another and we kissed for hours. After that, we met up weekly for coffee, drinks or dinner, texted daily, and built a genuinely passionate fling.
After about 3 weeks, I asked her “When does this stop being happy hour or coffee, and start being a date?” We decided our meetups would now be dates…
The next date, we were out for several hours, had a beautiful time, ended up having sex in her car, and we went our respective ways.
This went on for a bit - weekly meetups, all day texting, flirting, etc. One night we were out and the bartender asked us if we were married. I said “No, this is my girlfriend.” She looked at me and said it felt amazing to hear that. So, we decided at that point, that’s what we are. Now it’s a relationship…
Two weeks ago, we both found out we had to fly across the county for a work thing in Seattle. We were so excited to spend that week away together. So that’s what we did. This past week, we flew to Seattle, sitting next to each other on the flights, and stayed with each other every night. We did a dinner together every night and spent every night in bed with each other. It was incredible. We loved every minute of it.
We confessed our Iove to each other. At lunch Tuesday, she looked me in the eyes and said “I love you.” I told her I loved her as well, and I meant it. Infatuation, limerence, NRE, I don’t care what you call it. It’s love to us.
We flew home yesterday. Before we got to baggage claim, we stood in an empty hallway at the airport, said goodbye, cried, and promised each other everything would be OK.
We went back to our respective homes, pretended to be OK, and suffered through the loneliness.
This morning, we spoke about how hard it is to be apart after such an amazing week together.
What a whirlwind - it’s been less than 2 months “dating” but after knowing each other for nearly 3 years, it just feels right. We’re madly in love, but we discussed the fact that neither of us want to leave our marriages. I told her it will be a rough adjustment to go from basically living together for a week to only seeing each other when life allows, but will still talk daily.
However, I don’t know how to emotionally deal with being this deeply in love with someone who I cannot be 100% with. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Do you have any advice? Really struggling here with all of the emotions.
2022.02.22 05:49 saxman666 28 [M4R] Seattleite seeking new friends
It's wonderful to meet you all and hope this wonderful day is treating you well. I'm looking for all kinds of connections (friends and possibly more if we hit it off). I grew up in the greater Seattle area and currently live in North Seattle. In my free time, I enjoy playing the piano, partner dancing (salsa and WCS predominantly), playing hockey, practicing archery, and practicing aerial (acrobatics). I've recently become infatuated by tea and the board game Go which work together splendidly. I've been riding my bike more to keep up during the pandemic and as a fun way to get out. I look forward to getting to know you all!
submitted by saxman666 to r4r [link] [comments]
2021.12.10 11:52 mistagoodwin input on this 1999 jeep?
https://seattle.craigslist.org/see/cto/d/issaquah-1999-jeep-cherokee-xj-with/7418742863.html
Price seems a bit high but the miles are low for this year and there’s some suspension changes and an included roof tent ⛺️ 🙌
Are parts available for these cars still? I read the engines are tough as nails.
I’m definitely infatuated with this car so I’m looking for some input!
submitted by mistagoodwin to carbuying [link] [comments]
Price seems a bit high but the miles are low for this year and there’s some suspension changes and an included roof tent ⛺️ 🙌
Are parts available for these cars still? I read the engines are tough as nails.
I’m definitely infatuated with this car so I’m looking for some input!
2021.11.17 18:43 axturo09 I hate my ex so much but still love him what do I do?
I just got out of a two year relationship that ended up really bad. But I don’t know if I’m in the wrong.
Me and my ex partner (C) met on Tinder around Jan 2020. At this point I had just gotten my heart broken by this man ( A). Me and A didn’t really date but we talked for about 2-3 months. Soon after me and A stoped talking thats when I met C. C and I didn’t really hit it off at first since he was a bad texter. Eventually after a couple days we stopped texting each other since I had lost interest.
Late Feb 2020, me and (A) started talking after his and his short term BF had broken up. Actually I found out that A cut me off to please his BF at the time. At first the found was a little fresh but at this time I was strong enough to be casual friends since we did have a good connection.
A few weeks into the initial March shutdown, I was going through my old texts and randomly texted C. C and I quickly started texting back and forward and eventually found a real connection. He was charming, very flirty and virtually obsessed with me. This was really unexpected but very comforting since we were stuck inside. Eventually we ended up talking everyday and then broke quarantine to meet up. Since then I had been infatuated by them. After a couple more dates, he finally asked to be his BF.
At the time, me and A were developing a strong friendship. I never saw him more than a friend at this point but still had a bit of trauma since he was my first heartbreak. Since I was unknowingly falling in love with C I was able to get over my heartbreak.
C didn’t knew that A had hurt me but, didn’t know we had rekindled our friendship and I internationally kept it from him because C would always get upset and insecure about A. Initially when me and C would talk about A I would demonize because I was still hurt but eventually was able to overcome it.
C also opened up about his past relationships. He had been in two prior relationships that same year which was not a red flag to me since I had never been in a real relationship with anyone. I thought it was normal. I then found out that C had cheated on his last two partners with each other which is why he eventually just ended both relationships. Both partners never found out about each other.
Weeks went by and me and C were really developing a strong relationship. Everything was going well. Me and C eventually told each other we were madly in love with each other and everything was a literal dream.
Then early summer came and things were starting to get rocky. C had a COVID scare and was really anxious since back in Summer 2020, it would take up to 12 days to get your test results. He was really scared and there wasn’t much I could do but I did feel bad. At the time, I was going through a lot too. Me and my parents were having really nasty fights since we were stuck at home for months. I was virtually miserable. I would go to C for this type of support since I was able to open up about my family life which I had never really done. I could sense that C was feeling overwhelmed by this so I stopped. That same week, I returned to work.
Three days back into work, I get this gut feeling that something is off. I feel that C was starting to pull away and that something was wrong. That same day I get a text from my friend and he sent me a screenshot of C on a hookup app. Instantly, my stomach felt into a pit. I had never felt this type of betrayal before and didn’t really know how to handle it. I instantly call C and confront him about it. C is in shock and is stunned that I found out. C claimed that he had downloaded this app just to cancel a subscription since it had renewed which really didn’t make any sense. I start spiraling and start raging on him. I call him and Evil person and start sobbing my heart out. I then told C I would never talk to him ever again. I left work and took the train home. As I was taking the train home the impulse of going to his house sounded like a good idea. So I have my friend drive me to confront him.
When confronting him, he was virtually speechless. He was just crying and apologetic the whole time. My whole point of the confrontation was to address why was he on there truly since his excuse over the phone didn’t make sense. After asking him multiple times he confessed he had downloaded it because he felt alone. He said that I had been pushing my problems to the front and not giving him the attention he needed so he went on there to get a quick fix of attention. At first, he said it was only window shopping. He told me that had not talked to anyone and was just seeing who was on there. When asked to show me the message log, he deletes the app in front of me. At this point, I knew he had talked to other people and was even more hurt.
When I asked him to re download and to log in all the messages were deleted. I instantly start loosing my shit and stopped believing him. After two hours of arguing, I agreed to try and work it out only if he told me the entire truth. He then proceeded to tell me that I already had the full truth. He then drove me home and the next day he revealed that he was unsure if he wanted to continue the relationship since he had hurt me so much. This was soul crushing since I really loved him a lot but we agreed to take a break to think objectively. We didn’t talk for a week and during this week we only journaled every night expressing our feelings and concerns around this hurtle.
As soon as we started a break I had gotten a really bad tooth infection and was sick for around two weeks. After a week, he finally decided to continue our relationship. After this, I still had a pit feeling in my stomach telling me something about his “truth” wasn’t really the truth. So I took it upon myself to find out.
That same summer I was kicked out from home and C and his family were able to house me for three weeks while I picked myself up. During these three weeks I was able to look through his Instagram DM’s after had logged into his Instagram on my phone and didn’t log out. I only found one red flag which was a DM from this guy he had hooked up with during a trip he took earlier this year to Seattle. The texts were the same day he was on the app. In the texts C was being very flirty with this person telling him all sorts of stuff like “i hope we cross paths again”. I tried not to make it a big deal so I kept it to myself since C wasn’t the one who initiated the conversation.
I also found out that True Depth of C’s past relationships. C had told one of his last partner that he loved him. C always told me that he had never told anyone he’s dated that he loved them but me. Turns out it was a lie. He had told his last partner he loved him. I didn’t make a big deal about it but I did talk to him about it. He explained he was sorry he lied but that he thought he had loved him truly but didn’t really know what love was. I understood his perspective and didn’t make it a bigger deal than it need to be.
After I was able to relocate to a new place, C and I were basically living together. C would come over every weekend and we did this for months. I was happy and starting to gain trust for him again. We would have small fights but nothing major. The only thing that would really bother me is that C constantly talked about sexual frustration. He said he would miss his old lifestyle in hookup culture. It got to a point where it made me feel insecure in our relationship. In my head I thought, if he misses that so much why is he with me then? He would always assure me that he loved me more. This was enough up until C started insisting a threesome.
The idea of a threesome was nowhere near my comfort zone at the time. I expressed this to C many times but he still kept pushing hard. Eventually I caved around March of 2021. At this point we had been together almost a year and I was willing to compromise. I felt like I had enough trust to go through with it so we found a third on the same hookup app he was caught using the last summer. We found a guy but it didn’t work since we were basically cat-fished. We moved on from this and try again at later time.
By this time, I had developed a close friendship with A. He had become one of my best friends and I really appreciated our friendship. It wasn’t anything romantic at all but I felt the need to keep it from C. I had demonized A early on in our relationship and C would not been fond since C grew to hate A since he hurt me so much. It was hard keeping this from C, so I made a new identity for A. I called this fictional character Callie. I explained to C everything about Callie which was the friendships me and A had developed. I thought this was right so potentially I could undo the tension I had create between C and A. I thought if C just saw Callie as as one of my girlfriends it would break the connotation that he was my ex whatever. Eventually it became hard to conceal this friendship so one day I just told C the full truth.
He was betrayed and devastated. I virtually had been lying to him for a year of our relationship and he was in every right to feel that way. But I need him to understand that me and A were strictly fiends. To try and fix this, I cut off A cold turkey. This brought some peace to C but it eventually brought me down. I had cut off one of my best friends for C. I felt terrible and lonely. Although I had C, I didn’t just want to talk to just him all the time. I finally revealed after a month that I had been really sad and missing A. C was able to compromise and understand that A was only a friend. A and I were able to rekindle our friendship but C still felt distrustful about it. After a while he was able to trust the whole friendship more but it took a lot.
Weeks after this, C were at good place again. C would come over every-weekend and spend time with me my ESA’s I had adopted early January 2021. C and I would always order out food through Ubereats. I usually ordered on my phone but every now and then C would order it. I would always pick up the food outside since I lived in an apartment complex. One day I was picking up the food and C had given me his phone to go pick up the food. I don’t know why but I thought this was an opportunity to ease my suspension from last summer. But when I checked his Snapchat, I found a chat from the same days he was on the app.
The messages were typical tinder small talk but I was instantly triggered. I was triggered because another part of the actual truth had just came out. I also found out he had texted his ex partner that he loved him to the moon and back. All of this lead to me spiraling again and raging. When confronted about it he explained that the he had simply forgotten about the conversation with this random guy on Snapchat. He revealed that the guy probably added him back when he was on the hookup app but the conversation was so meaningless that he had forgotten. I didn’t Believe him at first but eventually did since he broke down completely begging me to believe him. In regards to the texts between the ex, he explained he just told him that because his ex had randomly texted him about him almost dying and that he just wanted to say that he loved C. C just replied “to the moon and back” to the “I love you” text. He explained that he just told him that to avoid saying I love you because that would’ve painted a false picture. I was able to understand but the same pain from last summer had emerged.
Due to this I took a week break from C to see if it was worth trying anymore. After lots of thinking I thought I did because he didn’t give up on me when I betrayed him so I thought it would be fair to keep going since i thought it would be terrible to give up on someone who didn’t give up on me. We were able to overcome this and make forward with a clean slate of honesty so I thought.
This really backtracked all the trust I had given him and it felt like we were starting from square one again but I thought it was okay because I loved C.
A month later, me and C agreed to try that there some we had put off because C was starting to have a lot of sexual frustration and so was I. C felt sexual frustration because we weren’t the most compatible this way. He was more of a bottom than a top and I was completely a bottom. Although C enjoyed topping me he always told me he missed bottoming. I tried but was unsuccessful since it was painful for me. We tried other things like toys and stuff but C always told me it never fully scratched his itch. This further made me insecure about my relationship. I thought that C was going to get to a point where he would get so sexually frustrated that he would just cheat on me.
I felt sexually frustration then too because C and I stopped having regular sex. Within the span on 6 weeks we had only had sex twice and that was only because C would get performance anxiety and could never orgasm fully. C blamed it on him gaining weight and just felt insecure about it. He said he would have start having sex with me once he felt better about his body. He would still jerk off but refused to have sex with me for three weeks at a time. There were moments where we would have sex and he would finish but only twice in the span of six weeks. This didn’t seem right since we were only 19. Although he was on anti anxiety meds, he would still masturbarte and orgasm but was unable during sex which made me feel bad. I thought it was me. This eventually stopped after he lost a few pounds and were back to having consistent sex. Everything was okay but the projection of this sexual frustrations started up again and were worse than ever. He would project them and I would offer some solutions but none were enough for him. He told me that it just wasn’t the real thing. He would also thirst heavily on other men. He would stare at them and sometimes he would even get viably upset. There’s been a number of times where he had cried because he missed bottoming so much.
One distinct time was when I showed C my doorman at my building complex. He was very much C’s type and C would openly fantasize about my doorman. C kept asking me to ask my doorman to be our third but I always shut this idea down. Eventually I finally agreed to have a second threesome as a compromise for his sexual frustrations. In the moment it felt like it was the right thing to do since everything else we tried didn’t work but this would be a healthy way of him getting what he wanted but also me getting pleasure from it too. We again, downloaded the hookup app and found someone that same night. We invited the guy over and was another fail. The guy could not get fully erect meaning he couldn’t penetrate C. C also afterwards felt very insecure. He had felt that the guy liked me more than him which made him feel extremely insecure. I assured him that he was equally included especially since I did this for him. During the threesome I let him be the one to try and get penetration first. I made sure he was getting more attention than me and I didn’t mind it since I thought this what he needed to alleviate some of his frustration for the betterment of our relationship.
After this we agreed to never do it again. Up until this last summer. This last summer we went on a trip to Arizona with one of my friends. She had a killer mansion and it seemed like much needed break from life. So once we get there I was the one to bring up the idea of a Threesome for two reasons. 1. I was curious because I had never been with another man other than C and 2. I wanted C to finally get his itch scratched. Since we were on vacation it was also something I could just leave here so it seemed like an optimal opportunity. So one the last two days we were in Arizona, we found a guy who was Interested. I wasn’t too sure about the guy since he wasn’t much my type but C was really into it so I went along with it. The conversation with the third consistent so I had just thought nothing was gonna happen.
The same night, C, me and my friends were going to go out but C decided to stay in since he wasn’t feeling good. When I came back, C had texted the guy and had arranged the guy to come down to the place we were staying. I was drunk and saw how excited he was so said yes but I only agreed to oral and nothing more. When the guy got there and we started going at it together C is getting a little too touchy with our third so I stop to tell him to chill. Then, we start going again and finally C puts me on the spot asking to go further than what we agreed to. I instantly said no and wanted the whole thing to be over immediately because I had gotten uncomfortable.
After the guy left, C was visibly upset. Although he claimed he wasn’t he was upset because once again he didn’t get his itch scratched. Weeks after we got home from this trip, he felt into a deep depression. He felt ugly, insecure and all around bad. He later admitted that it was due to our third failed attempt. He again had felt that the guy was more into him than me. This caused him to spiral downwards. And at this point I had finally connected all the dots.
C associated hookups with his self worth. This was due to his unhealthy indulgence in hookup culture since he was 16. He wasn’t cognitive of this until I talked to him about it. He agreed that it was true. I urged him immediately to get help so he could start dealing with these feelings in a healthy way. He pushed this off because he thought sex therapy wasn’t necessary. But it clearly was since he relied on hookups for validation. Due to the failed threesomes, he had felt insecure about himself. I pushed and pushed him to really get professional help but eventually I stopped because he truly didn’t think he needed it.
Fast forward to Mid October of this year. Things had been going okay but things had changed. I was living in a place where he was no longer allowed to come over so I came to him instead. He also took one of my ESA’s and I kept the other. We were like a family. We would talk about how we were going to move in together and all live together United as a family. Some context about C and I, we’re both third year students in undergrad. I am also an undocumented student who goes to a private school meaning I don’t get any financial aid. To support school this school year I attained three jobs. One job as a legal fellow, a retail job and one side hustle as a free lance graphic designer for this marketing company. C was taking a full course load and had an internship near where I lived so we would constantly see each other on weekends.
One weekend after this birthday, we had dinner and headed back to my place where I snuck him in. I was feeling spontaneous and playful that night so we agree to download the hookup app to see who was near out of curiosity. I saw it in a way as I see couples watching porn together. It’s supposed to be fun and lighthearted thing to do as a couple but it got really dark really quickly. When trying to make the account, his email said that it had already been registered. I instantly freak out and he assures that it was just simply from our last time we used the app which was in Arizona. I was hesitant to believe him due to all the lies he had told me before. He gets really offended that I would think he would had an account after all we had been through but to me it wouldn’t be surprising if he did. For some reason he was able to make an account through google but not though the regular email registration although they were the same email. This at the moment made sense but later on seemed very odd. We were able to forget about this and move onto having the fun on the app we intended to have. Also, when choosing pictures of ourselves I saw he had a screen recording in his secure folder of the guys nudes from Arizona. He had told me had had delayed them but once again he had lied and kept them. He told me he did because they were just “memories”. This eventually made me even more suspicious.
Almost immediately, we spot my doorman from my last apartment complex. C instantly turns into a different person. He got the look in his eyes as if his sexual frustration had been triggered. He got instantly predatory and obsessed about him. This was due to that we were unsure if he was gay or not or even a top or bottom. At first I went along with it. Seeing him on there confined he was gay and in fact a top. This instantly trigger C’s sexual frustrations. C had been wanting to have sex with my doorman for months. He fantasized about him which was the projection I’ve been talking about. He said things like this that really made me question his loyalty to our relationship. After he realized he was getting out of hand we decided to go to sleep and delete the app .
The next day we spent it at his place with his family. His family and I had built such s strong connection and bond over the year of knowing each other. C’s parents considered me their third son. They were there and very supportive of me and my well-being. They were truly lovely people. Anyways back to the story, we spent the day there which was like any usual weekend but we decided to have sex that night. When we have sex he usually finishes before me because it’s hard to orgasm from just anal. I usually end up finishing myself off which I don’t mind but that night I minded. C finished and promised me to help me finish and instead fell asleep. I got really annoyed because It had been a while since he had helped me orgasm although I always help him. I start crying out of frustration and I also hadn’t really processed the night before too and I just eventually started spiraling. At the moment I had decided I had enough of everything. At the time, I felt he hadn’t really changed because yet again he was fast to fall back into the same place he was months ago. I had realize he was just really holding back rather than actually fundamentally changing as he promised he would. I essentially broke up with him that night but I almost immediately regret it since I had realized I was giving up. He didn’t give up on me and I promised him I wouldn’t give up in him so I didn’t. We ended up leaving in weird place where we didn’t know where we stood. He drove me to the train station so I could head to workS I told him I would take the day to make a decision and reconvine at night. I went to work and everything was going well.
Until when I get home from work, I check his google photos. He had logged onto my computer once and never logged out. That meant I had access to his google account. Since his phone is an android and linked to his google account I could see his whole phone activity. I would check this sometimes to see if he was doing anything suspicious because he had given me reason to. A few months back I stopped lurking all alone but after the last 48hrs I needed some of that validation. When I open the google photos, it’s a set of high quality nudes. Nudes taken on a tripod. This instantly sent me to a downward spiral. I instantly confront him because 1. He hasn’t sent me any nudes in months. 2. These nudes seem very intentional. 3. In the nudes, he purposefully took off a bracelet I had given him where my name was engraved in. All of this plus the context of the last 48hrs send me into this rampage. I was convinced he had gone off the rails and was on that hook up app again or sending these to someone else. I instantly start accusing him of being a cheater and a liar. I go on for around 30 mins just completely dragging him. He ultimately denied it and the more he did the more it made me not trust him. He had given me a very overwhelming amount of reason not to believe him in the moment. I hang up and call him back and at the moment he had made the choice to no longer continue dating me. The next day He said he needed a break for at least a week to think about what had just happened. I agreed but shortly I failed. I couldn’t give him his space because I realized I had built a codependent relationship. It felt awful not talking to him.
That same night I called him and broke down apologizing for freaking out and making him go through all of that. But he still insisted on a break to think about everything. So I tried my best. Prior to this break, his mom had just gotten surgery the week before. That same week his mom had gotten hospitalized for a infection in her kidneys. This very same week his dog of 15 years was also in the vet on fluids.
Through the week I was really just isolated from everything. I didn’t know how to cope with any of my emotions and I start freaking out. I tried to call him but at this point he was ignoring me. Things got really dark for me. I had major panic attacks and was basically hysterical all week. It got so bad I had to call a suicide hotline multiple times for support. I was so desperate to stop feeling my feelings that I genuinely considered harming myself but didn’t in the hope that they would just be temporary. I didn’t know who I could turn to. I didn’t have anybody who supported me like he did. I felt so alone and isolated. I did everything to try and take my mind of things even call my father which I hadn’t talked to in almost a year. This how desperate I was to take my mind off things but this turned out to be another dark discovery.
I tried calling my dad multiple times but he didn’t pick up. After a few days of calling I check on his social media and see that there’s a bunch of memorial post. I instantly was petrified. I didn’t know if my dad was alive and I had been ignoring him for months now. I felt awful and all I wanted to was go to C for support and comfort. This is when my hysteria and desperation started. I started calling and texting him non stop to stop ignoring me so he could support me but he was just saying I needed to respect his space. I didn’t disclose that my father was potentially dead because I didn’t know yet but I just needed to feel comfort from him. He shut me down after I was begging and begging. I felt so inhumane in these moments because he promised to be there for me no matter what. Even in the moments when his mom and dog were hospitalized I was there checking up on them and him to make sure he was okay and he couldn’t do the same for me. I was so hurt and destroyed from this.
Finally, the end of the break is coming up. The night before the break was over I went to to this party where I got blacked out drunk. The next day I had to go to work so you could only imagine what that was like. At work I’m already feeling like shit but I pull through. On my break, I try to get a hold of him but he’s ignoring me. Then I see his location through Snapchat and see that he’s at his friends house next to this major college town. I immediately freak out because it’s Halloween. He’s in a major college town on Halloween night and he’s probably going to be out late. On top of the rest of my anxiety this sends me Into a major panic attack to a point where I fainted at work. I passed out for 30 seconds out of stress. I start calling him frantically and he finally agrees to talk to me later tonight.
I went home and slept until late at night. He finally calls me and informs that he had to put his dog down since he was suffering really bad. Then he follows up by saying he was unable to continue being my partner but could be my friend. He said that he was done being in a relationship where his partner dose trust him. I instantly start begging him not leave because I really love him. I tell him that I am sorry about all the things I said to him and would get therapy to control my impulsive behavior and lack of trust. I tried to change his mind for 2 hours and nothing. He ended up hanging up on me and I cried so much all night. After I collected myself, I wrote him and his family a long letter thanking them for their love and support. In his letter I explained that I would be willing to be friends but I would be hard at first.
The week following this I shut down completely. Im at disbelief that this is actually happening. I refused to accept this so I started fighting for us. I wasn’t going to let this end our relationship since to me it seemed very minuscule. But after many days of trying to change his mind and prove my devotion and love, he ultimately made it clear that his choice was final. I was destroyed completely and in utter disbelief. That same week I found out that my father had passed away three months ago. I was being hit so hard emotionally. I really considered ending my life because of this. I felt so hopeless and loss but ultimately I pushed through.
The week after that he sent me all my belongings through the mail. I then ask him to come pick up his stuff after work which he did. When he came to pick up his stuff, he refused to go up to my room to sort through them. This made me furious but I brought him down all his stuff. At this point I hadn’t seen him in the weeks and I was angry he broken up with me because 1. I put up with so many of his mistakes and ultimately the distrust in our relationship was caused by his actions. 2. He broke up with me over the phone. We go to his car to talk and to make my final push for our relationship but failed .
In the car I broke down begging him to reconsider his choice and to allow me to grow since I had given him the space to grow. After many constant back and forward he asked me to leave his car. I refused because I was hysterical. Then the name “Jimmy” pops up on his phone and I further start loosing it. I ask him who Jimmy is and he starts telling me it’s a friend from high school. My brain refused to accept that it was an old friend. In my gut I knew it wasn’t true but I just went along with it. Eventually he started telling me to just get out and I just continued to refuse. Eventually he threatened to call the police which to me was a huge betrayal. He knew since I’m undocumented and in legal proceedings, any Police contact jeopardize my future. He eventually agreed to talk outside the car which I stupidly agreed to. He got out and signaled me to come. I followed him and as soon as I got out he ran back to his car and drove away.
I was left crying in the street. I had never felt so disrespected and thrown out in my entire life. I was honestly at the point holding on by thread. We don’t speak for three days and on the third day I finally agree to be friends with him and let this all go. It had made clear that we were no longe ever going to be together again and I should start moving on. That day he had been weirdly ignoring me which was not like him but I thought since we just gotten into this big fight it was normal.
I impulsively download the hook up app to see if C was on there which he wasn’t but then i had the Idea to try and log in using his email. He always used the same password for everything and I had because we would share streaming services. When I log onto the app, I see he had been texting N. N is my mentor for my legal fellowship. We work very close together and have to meet weekly. We also have a great friendship too. I call C hysterically confront him about it and i accuse him of sleeping with him which he instantly accepted responsibility. I was livid. I get off the phone with C and call N and N confirms they had sex the same day. N told me that C had been texting him for a week and half trying to meet up. And finally today N agreed to meet up with him and had sex wit him not knowing who he was. Also on his hook up app I saw he had been texting the same doorman he heavily fantasize about. I was full with rage.
N and I had been working together for couple months now and C knew exactly who he was. Although N didn’t fully know who C was. N just knew him as my boyfriend and nothing more. I was filled with rage. All love I still had for C left my body and was filled with hate and RAGE. I had never felt this betrayed in my life. So what do I do? I call him and start raging in him and confront him about the whole thing. I start calling his mom and brother to tell them about the horrible thing their son had just done to me. And like a dumbass, C tells them first before I do.
C finally calls me back and I tell him the most terrible things I’ve told anyone ever. He had confirmed everything I internally thought about him but refused to believe. C thought that he didn’t need to explain himself since he was no longer my partner. But he had shown me after that his true person. C doesn’t want to change and I don’t think he ever will because as soon as he got the chance he took it and fell back into the self destructive habits that hurt so many already. I ended up blocking him and emailing his parents and friends a long letter exposing him for all the shitty things he did to me in our relationship. The next day I found out my mentor had quit his job.
Now, I’m left with rage and I want to get revenge but idk if it’s the right thing to do. So here I am asking what do I do? Am I responsible for the failure of this very important relationship? Am I valid or am I just being crazy? Please let me know your thoughts below.
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Me and my ex partner (C) met on Tinder around Jan 2020. At this point I had just gotten my heart broken by this man ( A). Me and A didn’t really date but we talked for about 2-3 months. Soon after me and A stoped talking thats when I met C. C and I didn’t really hit it off at first since he was a bad texter. Eventually after a couple days we stopped texting each other since I had lost interest.
Late Feb 2020, me and (A) started talking after his and his short term BF had broken up. Actually I found out that A cut me off to please his BF at the time. At first the found was a little fresh but at this time I was strong enough to be casual friends since we did have a good connection.
A few weeks into the initial March shutdown, I was going through my old texts and randomly texted C. C and I quickly started texting back and forward and eventually found a real connection. He was charming, very flirty and virtually obsessed with me. This was really unexpected but very comforting since we were stuck inside. Eventually we ended up talking everyday and then broke quarantine to meet up. Since then I had been infatuated by them. After a couple more dates, he finally asked to be his BF.
At the time, me and A were developing a strong friendship. I never saw him more than a friend at this point but still had a bit of trauma since he was my first heartbreak. Since I was unknowingly falling in love with C I was able to get over my heartbreak.
C didn’t knew that A had hurt me but, didn’t know we had rekindled our friendship and I internationally kept it from him because C would always get upset and insecure about A. Initially when me and C would talk about A I would demonize because I was still hurt but eventually was able to overcome it.
C also opened up about his past relationships. He had been in two prior relationships that same year which was not a red flag to me since I had never been in a real relationship with anyone. I thought it was normal. I then found out that C had cheated on his last two partners with each other which is why he eventually just ended both relationships. Both partners never found out about each other.
Weeks went by and me and C were really developing a strong relationship. Everything was going well. Me and C eventually told each other we were madly in love with each other and everything was a literal dream.
Then early summer came and things were starting to get rocky. C had a COVID scare and was really anxious since back in Summer 2020, it would take up to 12 days to get your test results. He was really scared and there wasn’t much I could do but I did feel bad. At the time, I was going through a lot too. Me and my parents were having really nasty fights since we were stuck at home for months. I was virtually miserable. I would go to C for this type of support since I was able to open up about my family life which I had never really done. I could sense that C was feeling overwhelmed by this so I stopped. That same week, I returned to work.
Three days back into work, I get this gut feeling that something is off. I feel that C was starting to pull away and that something was wrong. That same day I get a text from my friend and he sent me a screenshot of C on a hookup app. Instantly, my stomach felt into a pit. I had never felt this type of betrayal before and didn’t really know how to handle it. I instantly call C and confront him about it. C is in shock and is stunned that I found out. C claimed that he had downloaded this app just to cancel a subscription since it had renewed which really didn’t make any sense. I start spiraling and start raging on him. I call him and Evil person and start sobbing my heart out. I then told C I would never talk to him ever again. I left work and took the train home. As I was taking the train home the impulse of going to his house sounded like a good idea. So I have my friend drive me to confront him.
When confronting him, he was virtually speechless. He was just crying and apologetic the whole time. My whole point of the confrontation was to address why was he on there truly since his excuse over the phone didn’t make sense. After asking him multiple times he confessed he had downloaded it because he felt alone. He said that I had been pushing my problems to the front and not giving him the attention he needed so he went on there to get a quick fix of attention. At first, he said it was only window shopping. He told me that had not talked to anyone and was just seeing who was on there. When asked to show me the message log, he deletes the app in front of me. At this point, I knew he had talked to other people and was even more hurt.
When I asked him to re download and to log in all the messages were deleted. I instantly start loosing my shit and stopped believing him. After two hours of arguing, I agreed to try and work it out only if he told me the entire truth. He then proceeded to tell me that I already had the full truth. He then drove me home and the next day he revealed that he was unsure if he wanted to continue the relationship since he had hurt me so much. This was soul crushing since I really loved him a lot but we agreed to take a break to think objectively. We didn’t talk for a week and during this week we only journaled every night expressing our feelings and concerns around this hurtle.
As soon as we started a break I had gotten a really bad tooth infection and was sick for around two weeks. After a week, he finally decided to continue our relationship. After this, I still had a pit feeling in my stomach telling me something about his “truth” wasn’t really the truth. So I took it upon myself to find out.
That same summer I was kicked out from home and C and his family were able to house me for three weeks while I picked myself up. During these three weeks I was able to look through his Instagram DM’s after had logged into his Instagram on my phone and didn’t log out. I only found one red flag which was a DM from this guy he had hooked up with during a trip he took earlier this year to Seattle. The texts were the same day he was on the app. In the texts C was being very flirty with this person telling him all sorts of stuff like “i hope we cross paths again”. I tried not to make it a big deal so I kept it to myself since C wasn’t the one who initiated the conversation.
I also found out that True Depth of C’s past relationships. C had told one of his last partner that he loved him. C always told me that he had never told anyone he’s dated that he loved them but me. Turns out it was a lie. He had told his last partner he loved him. I didn’t make a big deal about it but I did talk to him about it. He explained he was sorry he lied but that he thought he had loved him truly but didn’t really know what love was. I understood his perspective and didn’t make it a bigger deal than it need to be.
After I was able to relocate to a new place, C and I were basically living together. C would come over every weekend and we did this for months. I was happy and starting to gain trust for him again. We would have small fights but nothing major. The only thing that would really bother me is that C constantly talked about sexual frustration. He said he would miss his old lifestyle in hookup culture. It got to a point where it made me feel insecure in our relationship. In my head I thought, if he misses that so much why is he with me then? He would always assure me that he loved me more. This was enough up until C started insisting a threesome.
The idea of a threesome was nowhere near my comfort zone at the time. I expressed this to C many times but he still kept pushing hard. Eventually I caved around March of 2021. At this point we had been together almost a year and I was willing to compromise. I felt like I had enough trust to go through with it so we found a third on the same hookup app he was caught using the last summer. We found a guy but it didn’t work since we were basically cat-fished. We moved on from this and try again at later time.
By this time, I had developed a close friendship with A. He had become one of my best friends and I really appreciated our friendship. It wasn’t anything romantic at all but I felt the need to keep it from C. I had demonized A early on in our relationship and C would not been fond since C grew to hate A since he hurt me so much. It was hard keeping this from C, so I made a new identity for A. I called this fictional character Callie. I explained to C everything about Callie which was the friendships me and A had developed. I thought this was right so potentially I could undo the tension I had create between C and A. I thought if C just saw Callie as as one of my girlfriends it would break the connotation that he was my ex whatever. Eventually it became hard to conceal this friendship so one day I just told C the full truth.
He was betrayed and devastated. I virtually had been lying to him for a year of our relationship and he was in every right to feel that way. But I need him to understand that me and A were strictly fiends. To try and fix this, I cut off A cold turkey. This brought some peace to C but it eventually brought me down. I had cut off one of my best friends for C. I felt terrible and lonely. Although I had C, I didn’t just want to talk to just him all the time. I finally revealed after a month that I had been really sad and missing A. C was able to compromise and understand that A was only a friend. A and I were able to rekindle our friendship but C still felt distrustful about it. After a while he was able to trust the whole friendship more but it took a lot.
Weeks after this, C were at good place again. C would come over every-weekend and spend time with me my ESA’s I had adopted early January 2021. C and I would always order out food through Ubereats. I usually ordered on my phone but every now and then C would order it. I would always pick up the food outside since I lived in an apartment complex. One day I was picking up the food and C had given me his phone to go pick up the food. I don’t know why but I thought this was an opportunity to ease my suspension from last summer. But when I checked his Snapchat, I found a chat from the same days he was on the app.
The messages were typical tinder small talk but I was instantly triggered. I was triggered because another part of the actual truth had just came out. I also found out he had texted his ex partner that he loved him to the moon and back. All of this lead to me spiraling again and raging. When confronted about it he explained that the he had simply forgotten about the conversation with this random guy on Snapchat. He revealed that the guy probably added him back when he was on the hookup app but the conversation was so meaningless that he had forgotten. I didn’t Believe him at first but eventually did since he broke down completely begging me to believe him. In regards to the texts between the ex, he explained he just told him that because his ex had randomly texted him about him almost dying and that he just wanted to say that he loved C. C just replied “to the moon and back” to the “I love you” text. He explained that he just told him that to avoid saying I love you because that would’ve painted a false picture. I was able to understand but the same pain from last summer had emerged.
Due to this I took a week break from C to see if it was worth trying anymore. After lots of thinking I thought I did because he didn’t give up on me when I betrayed him so I thought it would be fair to keep going since i thought it would be terrible to give up on someone who didn’t give up on me. We were able to overcome this and make forward with a clean slate of honesty so I thought.
This really backtracked all the trust I had given him and it felt like we were starting from square one again but I thought it was okay because I loved C.
A month later, me and C agreed to try that there some we had put off because C was starting to have a lot of sexual frustration and so was I. C felt sexual frustration because we weren’t the most compatible this way. He was more of a bottom than a top and I was completely a bottom. Although C enjoyed topping me he always told me he missed bottoming. I tried but was unsuccessful since it was painful for me. We tried other things like toys and stuff but C always told me it never fully scratched his itch. This further made me insecure about my relationship. I thought that C was going to get to a point where he would get so sexually frustrated that he would just cheat on me.
I felt sexually frustration then too because C and I stopped having regular sex. Within the span on 6 weeks we had only had sex twice and that was only because C would get performance anxiety and could never orgasm fully. C blamed it on him gaining weight and just felt insecure about it. He said he would have start having sex with me once he felt better about his body. He would still jerk off but refused to have sex with me for three weeks at a time. There were moments where we would have sex and he would finish but only twice in the span of six weeks. This didn’t seem right since we were only 19. Although he was on anti anxiety meds, he would still masturbarte and orgasm but was unable during sex which made me feel bad. I thought it was me. This eventually stopped after he lost a few pounds and were back to having consistent sex. Everything was okay but the projection of this sexual frustrations started up again and were worse than ever. He would project them and I would offer some solutions but none were enough for him. He told me that it just wasn’t the real thing. He would also thirst heavily on other men. He would stare at them and sometimes he would even get viably upset. There’s been a number of times where he had cried because he missed bottoming so much.
One distinct time was when I showed C my doorman at my building complex. He was very much C’s type and C would openly fantasize about my doorman. C kept asking me to ask my doorman to be our third but I always shut this idea down. Eventually I finally agreed to have a second threesome as a compromise for his sexual frustrations. In the moment it felt like it was the right thing to do since everything else we tried didn’t work but this would be a healthy way of him getting what he wanted but also me getting pleasure from it too. We again, downloaded the hookup app and found someone that same night. We invited the guy over and was another fail. The guy could not get fully erect meaning he couldn’t penetrate C. C also afterwards felt very insecure. He had felt that the guy liked me more than him which made him feel extremely insecure. I assured him that he was equally included especially since I did this for him. During the threesome I let him be the one to try and get penetration first. I made sure he was getting more attention than me and I didn’t mind it since I thought this what he needed to alleviate some of his frustration for the betterment of our relationship.
After this we agreed to never do it again. Up until this last summer. This last summer we went on a trip to Arizona with one of my friends. She had a killer mansion and it seemed like much needed break from life. So once we get there I was the one to bring up the idea of a Threesome for two reasons. 1. I was curious because I had never been with another man other than C and 2. I wanted C to finally get his itch scratched. Since we were on vacation it was also something I could just leave here so it seemed like an optimal opportunity. So one the last two days we were in Arizona, we found a guy who was Interested. I wasn’t too sure about the guy since he wasn’t much my type but C was really into it so I went along with it. The conversation with the third consistent so I had just thought nothing was gonna happen.
The same night, C, me and my friends were going to go out but C decided to stay in since he wasn’t feeling good. When I came back, C had texted the guy and had arranged the guy to come down to the place we were staying. I was drunk and saw how excited he was so said yes but I only agreed to oral and nothing more. When the guy got there and we started going at it together C is getting a little too touchy with our third so I stop to tell him to chill. Then, we start going again and finally C puts me on the spot asking to go further than what we agreed to. I instantly said no and wanted the whole thing to be over immediately because I had gotten uncomfortable.
After the guy left, C was visibly upset. Although he claimed he wasn’t he was upset because once again he didn’t get his itch scratched. Weeks after we got home from this trip, he felt into a deep depression. He felt ugly, insecure and all around bad. He later admitted that it was due to our third failed attempt. He again had felt that the guy was more into him than me. This caused him to spiral downwards. And at this point I had finally connected all the dots.
C associated hookups with his self worth. This was due to his unhealthy indulgence in hookup culture since he was 16. He wasn’t cognitive of this until I talked to him about it. He agreed that it was true. I urged him immediately to get help so he could start dealing with these feelings in a healthy way. He pushed this off because he thought sex therapy wasn’t necessary. But it clearly was since he relied on hookups for validation. Due to the failed threesomes, he had felt insecure about himself. I pushed and pushed him to really get professional help but eventually I stopped because he truly didn’t think he needed it.
Fast forward to Mid October of this year. Things had been going okay but things had changed. I was living in a place where he was no longer allowed to come over so I came to him instead. He also took one of my ESA’s and I kept the other. We were like a family. We would talk about how we were going to move in together and all live together United as a family. Some context about C and I, we’re both third year students in undergrad. I am also an undocumented student who goes to a private school meaning I don’t get any financial aid. To support school this school year I attained three jobs. One job as a legal fellow, a retail job and one side hustle as a free lance graphic designer for this marketing company. C was taking a full course load and had an internship near where I lived so we would constantly see each other on weekends.
One weekend after this birthday, we had dinner and headed back to my place where I snuck him in. I was feeling spontaneous and playful that night so we agree to download the hookup app to see who was near out of curiosity. I saw it in a way as I see couples watching porn together. It’s supposed to be fun and lighthearted thing to do as a couple but it got really dark really quickly. When trying to make the account, his email said that it had already been registered. I instantly freak out and he assures that it was just simply from our last time we used the app which was in Arizona. I was hesitant to believe him due to all the lies he had told me before. He gets really offended that I would think he would had an account after all we had been through but to me it wouldn’t be surprising if he did. For some reason he was able to make an account through google but not though the regular email registration although they were the same email. This at the moment made sense but later on seemed very odd. We were able to forget about this and move onto having the fun on the app we intended to have. Also, when choosing pictures of ourselves I saw he had a screen recording in his secure folder of the guys nudes from Arizona. He had told me had had delayed them but once again he had lied and kept them. He told me he did because they were just “memories”. This eventually made me even more suspicious.
Almost immediately, we spot my doorman from my last apartment complex. C instantly turns into a different person. He got the look in his eyes as if his sexual frustration had been triggered. He got instantly predatory and obsessed about him. This was due to that we were unsure if he was gay or not or even a top or bottom. At first I went along with it. Seeing him on there confined he was gay and in fact a top. This instantly trigger C’s sexual frustrations. C had been wanting to have sex with my doorman for months. He fantasized about him which was the projection I’ve been talking about. He said things like this that really made me question his loyalty to our relationship. After he realized he was getting out of hand we decided to go to sleep and delete the app .
The next day we spent it at his place with his family. His family and I had built such s strong connection and bond over the year of knowing each other. C’s parents considered me their third son. They were there and very supportive of me and my well-being. They were truly lovely people. Anyways back to the story, we spent the day there which was like any usual weekend but we decided to have sex that night. When we have sex he usually finishes before me because it’s hard to orgasm from just anal. I usually end up finishing myself off which I don’t mind but that night I minded. C finished and promised me to help me finish and instead fell asleep. I got really annoyed because It had been a while since he had helped me orgasm although I always help him. I start crying out of frustration and I also hadn’t really processed the night before too and I just eventually started spiraling. At the moment I had decided I had enough of everything. At the time, I felt he hadn’t really changed because yet again he was fast to fall back into the same place he was months ago. I had realize he was just really holding back rather than actually fundamentally changing as he promised he would. I essentially broke up with him that night but I almost immediately regret it since I had realized I was giving up. He didn’t give up on me and I promised him I wouldn’t give up in him so I didn’t. We ended up leaving in weird place where we didn’t know where we stood. He drove me to the train station so I could head to workS I told him I would take the day to make a decision and reconvine at night. I went to work and everything was going well.
Until when I get home from work, I check his google photos. He had logged onto my computer once and never logged out. That meant I had access to his google account. Since his phone is an android and linked to his google account I could see his whole phone activity. I would check this sometimes to see if he was doing anything suspicious because he had given me reason to. A few months back I stopped lurking all alone but after the last 48hrs I needed some of that validation. When I open the google photos, it’s a set of high quality nudes. Nudes taken on a tripod. This instantly sent me to a downward spiral. I instantly confront him because 1. He hasn’t sent me any nudes in months. 2. These nudes seem very intentional. 3. In the nudes, he purposefully took off a bracelet I had given him where my name was engraved in. All of this plus the context of the last 48hrs send me into this rampage. I was convinced he had gone off the rails and was on that hook up app again or sending these to someone else. I instantly start accusing him of being a cheater and a liar. I go on for around 30 mins just completely dragging him. He ultimately denied it and the more he did the more it made me not trust him. He had given me a very overwhelming amount of reason not to believe him in the moment. I hang up and call him back and at the moment he had made the choice to no longer continue dating me. The next day He said he needed a break for at least a week to think about what had just happened. I agreed but shortly I failed. I couldn’t give him his space because I realized I had built a codependent relationship. It felt awful not talking to him.
That same night I called him and broke down apologizing for freaking out and making him go through all of that. But he still insisted on a break to think about everything. So I tried my best. Prior to this break, his mom had just gotten surgery the week before. That same week his mom had gotten hospitalized for a infection in her kidneys. This very same week his dog of 15 years was also in the vet on fluids.
Through the week I was really just isolated from everything. I didn’t know how to cope with any of my emotions and I start freaking out. I tried to call him but at this point he was ignoring me. Things got really dark for me. I had major panic attacks and was basically hysterical all week. It got so bad I had to call a suicide hotline multiple times for support. I was so desperate to stop feeling my feelings that I genuinely considered harming myself but didn’t in the hope that they would just be temporary. I didn’t know who I could turn to. I didn’t have anybody who supported me like he did. I felt so alone and isolated. I did everything to try and take my mind of things even call my father which I hadn’t talked to in almost a year. This how desperate I was to take my mind off things but this turned out to be another dark discovery.
I tried calling my dad multiple times but he didn’t pick up. After a few days of calling I check on his social media and see that there’s a bunch of memorial post. I instantly was petrified. I didn’t know if my dad was alive and I had been ignoring him for months now. I felt awful and all I wanted to was go to C for support and comfort. This is when my hysteria and desperation started. I started calling and texting him non stop to stop ignoring me so he could support me but he was just saying I needed to respect his space. I didn’t disclose that my father was potentially dead because I didn’t know yet but I just needed to feel comfort from him. He shut me down after I was begging and begging. I felt so inhumane in these moments because he promised to be there for me no matter what. Even in the moments when his mom and dog were hospitalized I was there checking up on them and him to make sure he was okay and he couldn’t do the same for me. I was so hurt and destroyed from this.
Finally, the end of the break is coming up. The night before the break was over I went to to this party where I got blacked out drunk. The next day I had to go to work so you could only imagine what that was like. At work I’m already feeling like shit but I pull through. On my break, I try to get a hold of him but he’s ignoring me. Then I see his location through Snapchat and see that he’s at his friends house next to this major college town. I immediately freak out because it’s Halloween. He’s in a major college town on Halloween night and he’s probably going to be out late. On top of the rest of my anxiety this sends me Into a major panic attack to a point where I fainted at work. I passed out for 30 seconds out of stress. I start calling him frantically and he finally agrees to talk to me later tonight.
I went home and slept until late at night. He finally calls me and informs that he had to put his dog down since he was suffering really bad. Then he follows up by saying he was unable to continue being my partner but could be my friend. He said that he was done being in a relationship where his partner dose trust him. I instantly start begging him not leave because I really love him. I tell him that I am sorry about all the things I said to him and would get therapy to control my impulsive behavior and lack of trust. I tried to change his mind for 2 hours and nothing. He ended up hanging up on me and I cried so much all night. After I collected myself, I wrote him and his family a long letter thanking them for their love and support. In his letter I explained that I would be willing to be friends but I would be hard at first.
The week following this I shut down completely. Im at disbelief that this is actually happening. I refused to accept this so I started fighting for us. I wasn’t going to let this end our relationship since to me it seemed very minuscule. But after many days of trying to change his mind and prove my devotion and love, he ultimately made it clear that his choice was final. I was destroyed completely and in utter disbelief. That same week I found out that my father had passed away three months ago. I was being hit so hard emotionally. I really considered ending my life because of this. I felt so hopeless and loss but ultimately I pushed through.
The week after that he sent me all my belongings through the mail. I then ask him to come pick up his stuff after work which he did. When he came to pick up his stuff, he refused to go up to my room to sort through them. This made me furious but I brought him down all his stuff. At this point I hadn’t seen him in the weeks and I was angry he broken up with me because 1. I put up with so many of his mistakes and ultimately the distrust in our relationship was caused by his actions. 2. He broke up with me over the phone. We go to his car to talk and to make my final push for our relationship but failed .
In the car I broke down begging him to reconsider his choice and to allow me to grow since I had given him the space to grow. After many constant back and forward he asked me to leave his car. I refused because I was hysterical. Then the name “Jimmy” pops up on his phone and I further start loosing it. I ask him who Jimmy is and he starts telling me it’s a friend from high school. My brain refused to accept that it was an old friend. In my gut I knew it wasn’t true but I just went along with it. Eventually he started telling me to just get out and I just continued to refuse. Eventually he threatened to call the police which to me was a huge betrayal. He knew since I’m undocumented and in legal proceedings, any Police contact jeopardize my future. He eventually agreed to talk outside the car which I stupidly agreed to. He got out and signaled me to come. I followed him and as soon as I got out he ran back to his car and drove away.
I was left crying in the street. I had never felt so disrespected and thrown out in my entire life. I was honestly at the point holding on by thread. We don’t speak for three days and on the third day I finally agree to be friends with him and let this all go. It had made clear that we were no longe ever going to be together again and I should start moving on. That day he had been weirdly ignoring me which was not like him but I thought since we just gotten into this big fight it was normal.
I impulsively download the hook up app to see if C was on there which he wasn’t but then i had the Idea to try and log in using his email. He always used the same password for everything and I had because we would share streaming services. When I log onto the app, I see he had been texting N. N is my mentor for my legal fellowship. We work very close together and have to meet weekly. We also have a great friendship too. I call C hysterically confront him about it and i accuse him of sleeping with him which he instantly accepted responsibility. I was livid. I get off the phone with C and call N and N confirms they had sex the same day. N told me that C had been texting him for a week and half trying to meet up. And finally today N agreed to meet up with him and had sex wit him not knowing who he was. Also on his hook up app I saw he had been texting the same doorman he heavily fantasize about. I was full with rage.
N and I had been working together for couple months now and C knew exactly who he was. Although N didn’t fully know who C was. N just knew him as my boyfriend and nothing more. I was filled with rage. All love I still had for C left my body and was filled with hate and RAGE. I had never felt this betrayed in my life. So what do I do? I call him and start raging in him and confront him about the whole thing. I start calling his mom and brother to tell them about the horrible thing their son had just done to me. And like a dumbass, C tells them first before I do.
C finally calls me back and I tell him the most terrible things I’ve told anyone ever. He had confirmed everything I internally thought about him but refused to believe. C thought that he didn’t need to explain himself since he was no longer my partner. But he had shown me after that his true person. C doesn’t want to change and I don’t think he ever will because as soon as he got the chance he took it and fell back into the self destructive habits that hurt so many already. I ended up blocking him and emailing his parents and friends a long letter exposing him for all the shitty things he did to me in our relationship. The next day I found out my mentor had quit his job.
Now, I’m left with rage and I want to get revenge but idk if it’s the right thing to do. So here I am asking what do I do? Am I responsible for the failure of this very important relationship? Am I valid or am I just being crazy? Please let me know your thoughts below.
2021.11.17 18:41 axturo09 What should I do?
I just got out of a two year relationship that ended up really bad. But I don’t know if I’m in the wrong.
Me and my ex partner (C) met on Tinder around Jan 2020. At this point I had just gotten my heart broken by this man ( A). Me and A didn’t really date but we talked for about 2-3 months. Soon after me and A stoped talking thats when I met C. C and I didn’t really hit it off at first since he was a bad texter. Eventually after a couple days we stopped texting each other since I had lost interest.
Late Feb 2020, me and (A) started talking after his and his short term BF had broken up. Actually I found out that A cut me off to please his BF at the time. At first the found was a little fresh but at this time I was strong enough to be casual friends since we did have a good connection.
A few weeks into the initial March shutdown, I was going through my old texts and randomly texted C. C and I quickly started texting back and forward and eventually found a real connection. He was charming, very flirty and virtually obsessed with me. This was really unexpected but very comforting since we were stuck inside. Eventually we ended up talking everyday and then broke quarantine to meet up. Since then I had been infatuated by them. After a couple more dates, he finally asked to be his BF.
At the time, me and A were developing a strong friendship. I never saw him more than a friend at this point but still had a bit of trauma since he was my first heartbreak. Since I was unknowingly falling in love with C I was able to get over my heartbreak.
C didn’t knew that A had hurt me but, didn’t know we had rekindled our friendship and I internationally kept it from him because C would always get upset and insecure about A. Initially when me and C would talk about A I would demonize because I was still hurt but eventually was able to overcome it.
C also opened up about his past relationships. He had been in two prior relationships that same year which was not a red flag to me since I had never been in a real relationship with anyone. I thought it was normal. I then found out that C had cheated on his last two partners with each other which is why he eventually just ended both relationships. Both partners never found out about each other.
Weeks went by and me and C were really developing a strong relationship. Everything was going well. Me and C eventually told each other we were madly in love with each other and everything was a literal dream.
Then early summer came and things were starting to get rocky. C had a COVID scare and was really anxious since back in Summer 2020, it would take up to 12 days to get your test results. He was really scared and there wasn’t much I could do but I did feel bad. At the time, I was going through a lot too. Me and my parents were having really nasty fights since we were stuck at home for months. I was virtually miserable. I would go to C for this type of support since I was able to open up about my family life which I had never really done. I could sense that C was feeling overwhelmed by this so I stopped. That same week, I returned to work.
Three days back into work, I get this gut feeling that something is off. I feel that C was starting to pull away and that something was wrong. That same day I get a text from my friend and he sent me a screenshot of C on a hookup app. Instantly, my stomach felt into a pit. I had never felt this type of betrayal before and didn’t really know how to handle it. I instantly call C and confront him about it. C is in shock and is stunned that I found out. C claimed that he had downloaded this app just to cancel a subscription since it had renewed which really didn’t make any sense. I start spiraling and start raging on him. I call him and Evil person and start sobbing my heart out. I then told C I would never talk to him ever again. I left work and took the train home. As I was taking the train home the impulse of going to his house sounded like a good idea. So I have my friend drive me to confront him.
When confronting him, he was virtually speechless. He was just crying and apologetic the whole time. My whole point of the confrontation was to address why was he on there truly since his excuse over the phone didn’t make sense. After asking him multiple times he confessed he had downloaded it because he felt alone. He said that I had been pushing my problems to the front and not giving him the attention he needed so he went on there to get a quick fix of attention. At first, he said it was only window shopping. He told me that had not talked to anyone and was just seeing who was on there. When asked to show me the message log, he deletes the app in front of me. At this point, I knew he had talked to other people and was even more hurt.
When I asked him to re download and to log in all the messages were deleted. I instantly start loosing my shit and stopped believing him. After two hours of arguing, I agreed to try and work it out only if he told me the entire truth. He then proceeded to tell me that I already had the full truth. He then drove me home and the next day he revealed that he was unsure if he wanted to continue the relationship since he had hurt me so much. This was soul crushing since I really loved him a lot but we agreed to take a break to think objectively. We didn’t talk for a week and during this week we only journaled every night expressing our feelings and concerns around this hurtle.
As soon as we started a break I had gotten a really bad tooth infection and was sick for around two weeks. After a week, he finally decided to continue our relationship. After this, I still had a pit feeling in my stomach telling me something about his “truth” wasn’t really the truth. So I took it upon myself to find out.
That same summer I was kicked out from home and C and his family were able to house me for three weeks while I picked myself up. During these three weeks I was able to look through his Instagram DM’s after had logged into his Instagram on my phone and didn’t log out. I only found one red flag which was a DM from this guy he had hooked up with during a trip he took earlier this year to Seattle. The texts were the same day he was on the app. In the texts C was being very flirty with this person telling him all sorts of stuff like “i hope we cross paths again”. I tried not to make it a big deal so I kept it to myself since C wasn’t the one who initiated the conversation.
I also found out that True Depth of C’s past relationships. C had told one of his last partner that he loved him. C always told me that he had never told anyone he’s dated that he loved them but me. Turns out it was a lie. He had told his last partner he loved him. I didn’t make a big deal about it but I did talk to him about it. He explained he was sorry he lied but that he thought he had loved him truly but didn’t really know what love was. I understood his perspective and didn’t make it a bigger deal than it need to be.
After I was able to relocate to a new place, C and I were basically living together. C would come over every weekend and we did this for months. I was happy and starting to gain trust for him again. We would have small fights but nothing major. The only thing that would really bother me is that C constantly talked about sexual frustration. He said he would miss his old lifestyle in hookup culture. It got to a point where it made me feel insecure in our relationship. In my head I thought, if he misses that so much why is he with me then? He would always assure me that he loved me more. This was enough up until C started insisting a threesome.
The idea of a threesome was nowhere near my comfort zone at the time. I expressed this to C many times but he still kept pushing hard. Eventually I caved around March of 2021. At this point we had been together almost a year and I was willing to compromise. I felt like I had enough trust to go through with it so we found a third on the same hookup app he was caught using the last summer. We found a guy but it didn’t work since we were basically cat-fished. We moved on from this and try again at later time.
By this time, I had developed a close friendship with A. He had become one of my best friends and I really appreciated our friendship. It wasn’t anything romantic at all but I felt the need to keep it from C. I had demonized A early on in our relationship and C would not been fond since C grew to hate A since he hurt me so much. It was hard keeping this from C, so I made a new identity for A. I called this fictional character Callie. I explained to C everything about Callie which was the friendships me and A had developed. I thought this was right so potentially I could undo the tension I had create between C and A. I thought if C just saw Callie as as one of my girlfriends it would break the connotation that he was my ex whatever. Eventually it became hard to conceal this friendship so one day I just told C the full truth.
He was betrayed and devastated. I virtually had been lying to him for a year of our relationship and he was in every right to feel that way. But I need him to understand that me and A were strictly fiends. To try and fix this, I cut off A cold turkey. This brought some peace to C but it eventually brought me down. I had cut off one of my best friends for C. I felt terrible and lonely. Although I had C, I didn’t just want to talk to just him all the time. I finally revealed after a month that I had been really sad and missing A. C was able to compromise and understand that A was only a friend. A and I were able to rekindle our friendship but C still felt distrustful about it. After a while he was able to trust the whole friendship more but it took a lot.
Weeks after this, C were at good place again. C would come over every-weekend and spend time with me my ESA’s I had adopted early January 2021. C and I would always order out food through Ubereats. I usually ordered on my phone but every now and then C would order it. I would always pick up the food outside since I lived in an apartment complex. One day I was picking up the food and C had given me his phone to go pick up the food. I don’t know why but I thought this was an opportunity to ease my suspension from last summer. But when I checked his Snapchat, I found a chat from the same days he was on the app.
The messages were typical tinder small talk but I was instantly triggered. I was triggered because another part of the actual truth had just came out. I also found out he had texted his ex partner that he loved him to the moon and back. All of this lead to me spiraling again and raging. When confronted about it he explained that the he had simply forgotten about the conversation with this random guy on Snapchat. He revealed that the guy probably added him back when he was on the hookup app but the conversation was so meaningless that he had forgotten. I didn’t Believe him at first but eventually did since he broke down completely begging me to believe him. In regards to the texts between the ex, he explained he just told him that because his ex had randomly texted him about him almost dying and that he just wanted to say that he loved C. C just replied “to the moon and back” to the “I love you” text. He explained that he just told him that to avoid saying I love you because that would’ve painted a false picture. I was able to understand but the same pain from last summer had emerged.
Due to this I took a week break from C to see if it was worth trying anymore. After lots of thinking I thought I did because he didn’t give up on me when I betrayed him so I thought it would be fair to keep going since i thought it would be terrible to give up on someone who didn’t give up on me. We were able to overcome this and make forward with a clean slate of honesty so I thought.
This really backtracked all the trust I had given him and it felt like we were starting from square one again but I thought it was okay because I loved C.
A month later, me and C agreed to try that there some we had put off because C was starting to have a lot of sexual frustration and so was I. C felt sexual frustration because we weren’t the most compatible this way. He was more of a bottom than a top and I was completely a bottom. Although C enjoyed topping me he always told me he missed bottoming. I tried but was unsuccessful since it was painful for me. We tried other things like toys and stuff but C always told me it never fully scratched his itch. This further made me insecure about my relationship. I thought that C was going to get to a point where he would get so sexually frustrated that he would just cheat on me.
I felt sexually frustration then too because C and I stopped having regular sex. Within the span on 6 weeks we had only had sex twice and that was only because C would get performance anxiety and could never orgasm fully. C blamed it on him gaining weight and just felt insecure about it. He said he would have start having sex with me once he felt better about his body. He would still jerk off but refused to have sex with me for three weeks at a time. There were moments where we would have sex and he would finish but only twice in the span of six weeks. This didn’t seem right since we were only 19. Although he was on anti anxiety meds, he would still masturbarte and orgasm but was unable during sex which made me feel bad. I thought it was me. This eventually stopped after he lost a few pounds and were back to having consistent sex. Everything was okay but the projection of this sexual frustrations started up again and were worse than ever. He would project them and I would offer some solutions but none were enough for him. He told me that it just wasn’t the real thing. He would also thirst heavily on other men. He would stare at them and sometimes he would even get viably upset. There’s been a number of times where he had cried because he missed bottoming so much.
One distinct time was when I showed C my doorman at my building complex. He was very much C’s type and C would openly fantasize about my doorman. C kept asking me to ask my doorman to be our third but I always shut this idea down. Eventually I finally agreed to have a second threesome as a compromise for his sexual frustrations. In the moment it felt like it was the right thing to do since everything else we tried didn’t work but this would be a healthy way of him getting what he wanted but also me getting pleasure from it too. We again, downloaded the hookup app and found someone that same night. We invited the guy over and was another fail. The guy could not get fully erect meaning he couldn’t penetrate C. C also afterwards felt very insecure. He had felt that the guy liked me more than him which made him feel extremely insecure. I assured him that he was equally included especially since I did this for him. During the threesome I let him be the one to try and get penetration first. I made sure he was getting more attention than me and I didn’t mind it since I thought this what he needed to alleviate some of his frustration for the betterment of our relationship.
After this we agreed to never do it again. Up until this last summer. This last summer we went on a trip to Arizona with one of my friends. She had a killer mansion and it seemed like much needed break from life. So once we get there I was the one to bring up the idea of a Threesome for two reasons. 1. I was curious because I had never been with another man other than C and 2. I wanted C to finally get his itch scratched. Since we were on vacation it was also something I could just leave here so it seemed like an optimal opportunity. So one the last two days we were in Arizona, we found a guy who was Interested. I wasn’t too sure about the guy since he wasn’t much my type but C was really into it so I went along with it. The conversation with the third consistent so I had just thought nothing was gonna happen.
The same night, C, me and my friends were going to go out but C decided to stay in since he wasn’t feeling good. When I came back, C had texted the guy and had arranged the guy to come down to the place we were staying. I was drunk and saw how excited he was so said yes but I only agreed to oral and nothing more. When the guy got there and we started going at it together C is getting a little too touchy with our third so I stop to tell him to chill. Then, we start going again and finally C puts me on the spot asking to go further than what we agreed to. I instantly said no and wanted the whole thing to be over immediately because I had gotten uncomfortable.
After the guy left, C was visibly upset. Although he claimed he wasn’t he was upset because once again he didn’t get his itch scratched. Weeks after we got home from this trip, he felt into a deep depression. He felt ugly, insecure and all around bad. He later admitted that it was due to our third failed attempt. He again had felt that the guy was more into him than me. This caused him to spiral downwards. And at this point I had finally connected all the dots.
C associated hookups with his self worth. This was due to his unhealthy indulgence in hookup culture since he was 16. He wasn’t cognitive of this until I talked to him about it. He agreed that it was true. I urged him immediately to get help so he could start dealing with these feelings in a healthy way. He pushed this off because he thought sex therapy wasn’t necessary. But it clearly was since he relied on hookups for validation. Due to the failed threesomes, he had felt insecure about himself. I pushed and pushed him to really get professional help but eventually I stopped because he truly didn’t think he needed it.
Fast forward to Mid October of this year. Things had been going okay but things had changed. I was living in a place where he was no longer allowed to come over so I came to him instead. He also took one of my ESA’s and I kept the other. We were like a family. We would talk about how we were going to move in together and all live together United as a family. Some context about C and I, we’re both third year students in undergrad. I am also an undocumented student who goes to a private school meaning I don’t get any financial aid. To support school this school year I attained three jobs. One job as a legal fellow, a retail job and one side hustle as a free lance graphic designer for this marketing company. C was taking a full course load and had an internship near where I lived so we would constantly see each other on weekends.
One weekend after this birthday, we had dinner and headed back to my place where I snuck him in. I was feeling spontaneous and playful that night so we agree to download the hookup app to see who was near out of curiosity. I saw it in a way as I see couples watching porn together. It’s supposed to be fun and lighthearted thing to do as a couple but it got really dark really quickly. When trying to make the account, his email said that it had already been registered. I instantly freak out and he assures that it was just simply from our last time we used the app which was in Arizona. I was hesitant to believe him due to all the lies he had told me before. He gets really offended that I would think he would had an account after all we had been through but to me it wouldn’t be surprising if he did. For some reason he was able to make an account through google but not though the regular email registration although they were the same email. This at the moment made sense but later on seemed very odd. We were able to forget about this and move onto having the fun on the app we intended to have. Also, when choosing pictures of ourselves I saw he had a screen recording in his secure folder of the guys nudes from Arizona. He had told me had had delayed them but once again he had lied and kept them. He told me he did because they were just “memories”. This eventually made me even more suspicious.
Almost immediately, we spot my doorman from my last apartment complex. C instantly turns into a different person. He got the look in his eyes as if his sexual frustration had been triggered. He got instantly predatory and obsessed about him. This was due to that we were unsure if he was gay or not or even a top or bottom. At first I went along with it. Seeing him on there confined he was gay and in fact a top. This instantly trigger C’s sexual frustrations. C had been wanting to have sex with my doorman for months. He fantasized about him which was the projection I’ve been talking about. He said things like this that really made me question his loyalty to our relationship. After he realized he was getting out of hand we decided to go to sleep and delete the app .
The next day we spent it at his place with his family. His family and I had built such s strong connection and bond over the year of knowing each other. C’s parents considered me their third son. They were there and very supportive of me and my well-being. They were truly lovely people. Anyways back to the story, we spent the day there which was like any usual weekend but we decided to have sex that night. When we have sex he usually finishes before me because it’s hard to orgasm from just anal. I usually end up finishing myself off which I don’t mind but that night I minded. C finished and promised me to help me finish and instead fell asleep. I got really annoyed because It had been a while since he had helped me orgasm although I always help him. I start crying out of frustration and I also hadn’t really processed the night before too and I just eventually started spiraling. At the moment I had decided I had enough of everything. At the time, I felt he hadn’t really changed because yet again he was fast to fall back into the same place he was months ago. I had realize he was just really holding back rather than actually fundamentally changing as he promised he would. I essentially broke up with him that night but I almost immediately regret it since I had realized I was giving up. He didn’t give up on me and I promised him I wouldn’t give up in him so I didn’t. We ended up leaving in weird place where we didn’t know where we stood. He drove me to the train station so I could head to workS I told him I would take the day to make a decision and reconvine at night. I went to work and everything was going well.
Until when I get home from work, I check his google photos. He had logged onto my computer once and never logged out. That meant I had access to his google account. Since his phone is an android and linked to his google account I could see his whole phone activity. I would check this sometimes to see if he was doing anything suspicious because he had given me reason to. A few months back I stopped lurking all alone but after the last 48hrs I needed some of that validation. When I open the google photos, it’s a set of high quality nudes. Nudes taken on a tripod. This instantly sent me to a downward spiral. I instantly confront him because 1. He hasn’t sent me any nudes in months. 2. These nudes seem very intentional. 3. In the nudes, he purposefully took off a bracelet I had given him where my name was engraved in. All of this plus the context of the last 48hrs send me into this rampage. I was convinced he had gone off the rails and was on that hook up app again or sending these to someone else. I instantly start accusing him of being a cheater and a liar. I go on for around 30 mins just completely dragging him. He ultimately denied it and the more he did the more it made me not trust him. He had given me a very overwhelming amount of reason not to believe him in the moment. I hang up and call him back and at the moment he had made the choice to no longer continue dating me. The next day He said he needed a break for at least a week to think about what had just happened. I agreed but shortly I failed. I couldn’t give him his space because I realized I had built a codependent relationship. It felt awful not talking to him.
That same night I called him and broke down apologizing for freaking out and making him go through all of that. But he still insisted on a break to think about everything. So I tried my best. Prior to this break, his mom had just gotten surgery the week before. That same week his mom had gotten hospitalized for a infection in her kidneys. This very same week his dog of 15 years was also in the vet on fluids.
Through the week I was really just isolated from everything. I didn’t know how to cope with any of my emotions and I start freaking out. I tried to call him but at this point he was ignoring me. Things got really dark for me. I had major panic attacks and was basically hysterical all week. It got so bad I had to call a suicide hotline multiple times for support. I was so desperate to stop feeling my feelings that I genuinely considered harming myself but didn’t in the hope that they would just be temporary. I didn’t know who I could turn to. I didn’t have anybody who supported me like he did. I felt so alone and isolated. I did everything to try and take my mind of things even call my father which I hadn’t talked to in almost a year. This how desperate I was to take my mind off things but this turned out to be another dark discovery.
I tried calling my dad multiple times but he didn’t pick up. After a few days of calling I check on his social media and see that there’s a bunch of memorial post. I instantly was petrified. I didn’t know if my dad was alive and I had been ignoring him for months now. I felt awful and all I wanted to was go to C for support and comfort. This is when my hysteria and desperation started. I started calling and texting him non stop to stop ignoring me so he could support me but he was just saying I needed to respect his space. I didn’t disclose that my father was potentially dead because I didn’t know yet but I just needed to feel comfort from him. He shut me down after I was begging and begging. I felt so inhumane in these moments because he promised to be there for me no matter what. Even in the moments when his mom and dog were hospitalized I was there checking up on them and him to make sure he was okay and he couldn’t do the same for me. I was so hurt and destroyed from this.
Finally, the end of the break is coming up. The night before the break was over I went to to this party where I got blacked out drunk. The next day I had to go to work so you could only imagine what that was like. At work I’m already feeling like shit but I pull through. On my break, I try to get a hold of him but he’s ignoring me. Then I see his location through Snapchat and see that he’s at his friends house next to this major college town. I immediately freak out because it’s Halloween. He’s in a major college town on Halloween night and he’s probably going to be out late. On top of the rest of my anxiety this sends me Into a major panic attack to a point where I fainted at work. I passed out for 30 seconds out of stress. I start calling him frantically and he finally agrees to talk to me later tonight.
I went home and slept until late at night. He finally calls me and informs that he had to put his dog down since he was suffering really bad. Then he follows up by saying he was unable to continue being my partner but could be my friend. He said that he was done being in a relationship where his partner dose trust him. I instantly start begging him not leave because I really love him. I tell him that I am sorry about all the things I said to him and would get therapy to control my impulsive behavior and lack of trust. I tried to change his mind for 2 hours and nothing. He ended up hanging up on me and I cried so much all night. After I collected myself, I wrote him and his family a long letter thanking them for their love and support. In his letter I explained that I would be willing to be friends but I would be hard at first.
The week following this I shut down completely. Im at disbelief that this is actually happening. I refused to accept this so I started fighting for us. I wasn’t going to let this end our relationship since to me it seemed very minuscule. But after many days of trying to change his mind and prove my devotion and love, he ultimately made it clear that his choice was final. I was destroyed completely and in utter disbelief. That same week I found out that my father had passed away three months ago. I was being hit so hard emotionally. I really considered ending my life because of this. I felt so hopeless and loss but ultimately I pushed through.
The week after that he sent me all my belongings through the mail. I then ask him to come pick up his stuff after work which he did. When he came to pick up his stuff, he refused to go up to my room to sort through them. This made me furious but I brought him down all his stuff. At this point I hadn’t seen him in the weeks and I was angry he broken up with me because 1. I put up with so many of his mistakes and ultimately the distrust in our relationship was caused by his actions. 2. He broke up with me over the phone. We go to his car to talk and to make my final push for our relationship but failed .
In the car I broke down begging him to reconsider his choice and to allow me to grow since I had given him the space to grow. After many constant back and forward he asked me to leave his car. I refused because I was hysterical. Then the name “Jimmy” pops up on his phone and I further start loosing it. I ask him who Jimmy is and he starts telling me it’s a friend from high school. My brain refused to accept that it was an old friend. In my gut I knew it wasn’t true but I just went along with it. Eventually he started telling me to just get out and I just continued to refuse. Eventually he threatened to call the police which to me was a huge betrayal. He knew since I’m undocumented and in legal proceedings, any Police contact jeopardize my future. He eventually agreed to talk outside the car which I stupidly agreed to. He got out and signaled me to come. I followed him and as soon as I got out he ran back to his car and drove away.
I was left crying in the street. I had never felt so disrespected and thrown out in my entire life. I was honestly at the point holding on by thread. We don’t speak for three days and on the third day I finally agree to be friends with him and let this all go. It had made clear that we were no longe ever going to be together again and I should start moving on. That day he had been weirdly ignoring me which was not like him but I thought since we just gotten into this big fight it was normal.
I impulsively download the hook up app to see if C was on there which he wasn’t but then i had the Idea to try and log in using his email. He always used the same password for everything and I had because we would share streaming services. When I log onto the app, I see he had been texting N. N is my mentor for my legal fellowship. We work very close together and have to meet weekly. We also have a great friendship too. I call C hysterically confront him about it and i accuse him of sleeping with him which he instantly accepted responsibility. I was livid. I get off the phone with C and call N and N confirms they had sex the same day. N told me that C had been texting him for a week and half trying to meet up. And finally today N agreed to meet up with him and had sex wit him not knowing who he was. Also on his hook up app I saw he had been texting the same doorman he heavily fantasize about. I was full with rage.
N and I had been working together for couple months now and C knew exactly who he was. Although N didn’t fully know who C was. N just knew him as my boyfriend and nothing more. I was filled with rage. All love I still had for C left my body and was filled with hate and RAGE. I had never felt this betrayed in my life. So what do I do? I call him and start raging in him and confront him about the whole thing. I start calling his mom and brother to tell them about the horrible thing their son had just done to me. And like a dumbass, C tells them first before I do.
C finally calls me back and I tell him the most terrible things I’ve told anyone ever. He had confirmed everything I internally thought about him but refused to believe. C thought that he didn’t need to explain himself since he was no longer my partner. But he had shown me after that his true person. C doesn’t want to change and I don’t think he ever will because as soon as he got the chance he took it and fell back into the self destructive habits that hurt so many already. I ended up blocking him and emailing his parents and friends a long letter exposing him for all the shitty things he did to me in our relationship. The next day I found out my mentor had quit his job.
Now, I’m left with rage and I want to get revenge but idk if it’s the right thing to do. So here I am asking what do I do? Am I responsible for the failure of this very important relationship? Am I valid or am I just being crazy? Please let me know your thoughts below.
submitted by axturo09 to dating_advice [link] [comments]
Me and my ex partner (C) met on Tinder around Jan 2020. At this point I had just gotten my heart broken by this man ( A). Me and A didn’t really date but we talked for about 2-3 months. Soon after me and A stoped talking thats when I met C. C and I didn’t really hit it off at first since he was a bad texter. Eventually after a couple days we stopped texting each other since I had lost interest.
Late Feb 2020, me and (A) started talking after his and his short term BF had broken up. Actually I found out that A cut me off to please his BF at the time. At first the found was a little fresh but at this time I was strong enough to be casual friends since we did have a good connection.
A few weeks into the initial March shutdown, I was going through my old texts and randomly texted C. C and I quickly started texting back and forward and eventually found a real connection. He was charming, very flirty and virtually obsessed with me. This was really unexpected but very comforting since we were stuck inside. Eventually we ended up talking everyday and then broke quarantine to meet up. Since then I had been infatuated by them. After a couple more dates, he finally asked to be his BF.
At the time, me and A were developing a strong friendship. I never saw him more than a friend at this point but still had a bit of trauma since he was my first heartbreak. Since I was unknowingly falling in love with C I was able to get over my heartbreak.
C didn’t knew that A had hurt me but, didn’t know we had rekindled our friendship and I internationally kept it from him because C would always get upset and insecure about A. Initially when me and C would talk about A I would demonize because I was still hurt but eventually was able to overcome it.
C also opened up about his past relationships. He had been in two prior relationships that same year which was not a red flag to me since I had never been in a real relationship with anyone. I thought it was normal. I then found out that C had cheated on his last two partners with each other which is why he eventually just ended both relationships. Both partners never found out about each other.
Weeks went by and me and C were really developing a strong relationship. Everything was going well. Me and C eventually told each other we were madly in love with each other and everything was a literal dream.
Then early summer came and things were starting to get rocky. C had a COVID scare and was really anxious since back in Summer 2020, it would take up to 12 days to get your test results. He was really scared and there wasn’t much I could do but I did feel bad. At the time, I was going through a lot too. Me and my parents were having really nasty fights since we were stuck at home for months. I was virtually miserable. I would go to C for this type of support since I was able to open up about my family life which I had never really done. I could sense that C was feeling overwhelmed by this so I stopped. That same week, I returned to work.
Three days back into work, I get this gut feeling that something is off. I feel that C was starting to pull away and that something was wrong. That same day I get a text from my friend and he sent me a screenshot of C on a hookup app. Instantly, my stomach felt into a pit. I had never felt this type of betrayal before and didn’t really know how to handle it. I instantly call C and confront him about it. C is in shock and is stunned that I found out. C claimed that he had downloaded this app just to cancel a subscription since it had renewed which really didn’t make any sense. I start spiraling and start raging on him. I call him and Evil person and start sobbing my heart out. I then told C I would never talk to him ever again. I left work and took the train home. As I was taking the train home the impulse of going to his house sounded like a good idea. So I have my friend drive me to confront him.
When confronting him, he was virtually speechless. He was just crying and apologetic the whole time. My whole point of the confrontation was to address why was he on there truly since his excuse over the phone didn’t make sense. After asking him multiple times he confessed he had downloaded it because he felt alone. He said that I had been pushing my problems to the front and not giving him the attention he needed so he went on there to get a quick fix of attention. At first, he said it was only window shopping. He told me that had not talked to anyone and was just seeing who was on there. When asked to show me the message log, he deletes the app in front of me. At this point, I knew he had talked to other people and was even more hurt.
When I asked him to re download and to log in all the messages were deleted. I instantly start loosing my shit and stopped believing him. After two hours of arguing, I agreed to try and work it out only if he told me the entire truth. He then proceeded to tell me that I already had the full truth. He then drove me home and the next day he revealed that he was unsure if he wanted to continue the relationship since he had hurt me so much. This was soul crushing since I really loved him a lot but we agreed to take a break to think objectively. We didn’t talk for a week and during this week we only journaled every night expressing our feelings and concerns around this hurtle.
As soon as we started a break I had gotten a really bad tooth infection and was sick for around two weeks. After a week, he finally decided to continue our relationship. After this, I still had a pit feeling in my stomach telling me something about his “truth” wasn’t really the truth. So I took it upon myself to find out.
That same summer I was kicked out from home and C and his family were able to house me for three weeks while I picked myself up. During these three weeks I was able to look through his Instagram DM’s after had logged into his Instagram on my phone and didn’t log out. I only found one red flag which was a DM from this guy he had hooked up with during a trip he took earlier this year to Seattle. The texts were the same day he was on the app. In the texts C was being very flirty with this person telling him all sorts of stuff like “i hope we cross paths again”. I tried not to make it a big deal so I kept it to myself since C wasn’t the one who initiated the conversation.
I also found out that True Depth of C’s past relationships. C had told one of his last partner that he loved him. C always told me that he had never told anyone he’s dated that he loved them but me. Turns out it was a lie. He had told his last partner he loved him. I didn’t make a big deal about it but I did talk to him about it. He explained he was sorry he lied but that he thought he had loved him truly but didn’t really know what love was. I understood his perspective and didn’t make it a bigger deal than it need to be.
After I was able to relocate to a new place, C and I were basically living together. C would come over every weekend and we did this for months. I was happy and starting to gain trust for him again. We would have small fights but nothing major. The only thing that would really bother me is that C constantly talked about sexual frustration. He said he would miss his old lifestyle in hookup culture. It got to a point where it made me feel insecure in our relationship. In my head I thought, if he misses that so much why is he with me then? He would always assure me that he loved me more. This was enough up until C started insisting a threesome.
The idea of a threesome was nowhere near my comfort zone at the time. I expressed this to C many times but he still kept pushing hard. Eventually I caved around March of 2021. At this point we had been together almost a year and I was willing to compromise. I felt like I had enough trust to go through with it so we found a third on the same hookup app he was caught using the last summer. We found a guy but it didn’t work since we were basically cat-fished. We moved on from this and try again at later time.
By this time, I had developed a close friendship with A. He had become one of my best friends and I really appreciated our friendship. It wasn’t anything romantic at all but I felt the need to keep it from C. I had demonized A early on in our relationship and C would not been fond since C grew to hate A since he hurt me so much. It was hard keeping this from C, so I made a new identity for A. I called this fictional character Callie. I explained to C everything about Callie which was the friendships me and A had developed. I thought this was right so potentially I could undo the tension I had create between C and A. I thought if C just saw Callie as as one of my girlfriends it would break the connotation that he was my ex whatever. Eventually it became hard to conceal this friendship so one day I just told C the full truth.
He was betrayed and devastated. I virtually had been lying to him for a year of our relationship and he was in every right to feel that way. But I need him to understand that me and A were strictly fiends. To try and fix this, I cut off A cold turkey. This brought some peace to C but it eventually brought me down. I had cut off one of my best friends for C. I felt terrible and lonely. Although I had C, I didn’t just want to talk to just him all the time. I finally revealed after a month that I had been really sad and missing A. C was able to compromise and understand that A was only a friend. A and I were able to rekindle our friendship but C still felt distrustful about it. After a while he was able to trust the whole friendship more but it took a lot.
Weeks after this, C were at good place again. C would come over every-weekend and spend time with me my ESA’s I had adopted early January 2021. C and I would always order out food through Ubereats. I usually ordered on my phone but every now and then C would order it. I would always pick up the food outside since I lived in an apartment complex. One day I was picking up the food and C had given me his phone to go pick up the food. I don’t know why but I thought this was an opportunity to ease my suspension from last summer. But when I checked his Snapchat, I found a chat from the same days he was on the app.
The messages were typical tinder small talk but I was instantly triggered. I was triggered because another part of the actual truth had just came out. I also found out he had texted his ex partner that he loved him to the moon and back. All of this lead to me spiraling again and raging. When confronted about it he explained that the he had simply forgotten about the conversation with this random guy on Snapchat. He revealed that the guy probably added him back when he was on the hookup app but the conversation was so meaningless that he had forgotten. I didn’t Believe him at first but eventually did since he broke down completely begging me to believe him. In regards to the texts between the ex, he explained he just told him that because his ex had randomly texted him about him almost dying and that he just wanted to say that he loved C. C just replied “to the moon and back” to the “I love you” text. He explained that he just told him that to avoid saying I love you because that would’ve painted a false picture. I was able to understand but the same pain from last summer had emerged.
Due to this I took a week break from C to see if it was worth trying anymore. After lots of thinking I thought I did because he didn’t give up on me when I betrayed him so I thought it would be fair to keep going since i thought it would be terrible to give up on someone who didn’t give up on me. We were able to overcome this and make forward with a clean slate of honesty so I thought.
This really backtracked all the trust I had given him and it felt like we were starting from square one again but I thought it was okay because I loved C.
A month later, me and C agreed to try that there some we had put off because C was starting to have a lot of sexual frustration and so was I. C felt sexual frustration because we weren’t the most compatible this way. He was more of a bottom than a top and I was completely a bottom. Although C enjoyed topping me he always told me he missed bottoming. I tried but was unsuccessful since it was painful for me. We tried other things like toys and stuff but C always told me it never fully scratched his itch. This further made me insecure about my relationship. I thought that C was going to get to a point where he would get so sexually frustrated that he would just cheat on me.
I felt sexually frustration then too because C and I stopped having regular sex. Within the span on 6 weeks we had only had sex twice and that was only because C would get performance anxiety and could never orgasm fully. C blamed it on him gaining weight and just felt insecure about it. He said he would have start having sex with me once he felt better about his body. He would still jerk off but refused to have sex with me for three weeks at a time. There were moments where we would have sex and he would finish but only twice in the span of six weeks. This didn’t seem right since we were only 19. Although he was on anti anxiety meds, he would still masturbarte and orgasm but was unable during sex which made me feel bad. I thought it was me. This eventually stopped after he lost a few pounds and were back to having consistent sex. Everything was okay but the projection of this sexual frustrations started up again and were worse than ever. He would project them and I would offer some solutions but none were enough for him. He told me that it just wasn’t the real thing. He would also thirst heavily on other men. He would stare at them and sometimes he would even get viably upset. There’s been a number of times where he had cried because he missed bottoming so much.
One distinct time was when I showed C my doorman at my building complex. He was very much C’s type and C would openly fantasize about my doorman. C kept asking me to ask my doorman to be our third but I always shut this idea down. Eventually I finally agreed to have a second threesome as a compromise for his sexual frustrations. In the moment it felt like it was the right thing to do since everything else we tried didn’t work but this would be a healthy way of him getting what he wanted but also me getting pleasure from it too. We again, downloaded the hookup app and found someone that same night. We invited the guy over and was another fail. The guy could not get fully erect meaning he couldn’t penetrate C. C also afterwards felt very insecure. He had felt that the guy liked me more than him which made him feel extremely insecure. I assured him that he was equally included especially since I did this for him. During the threesome I let him be the one to try and get penetration first. I made sure he was getting more attention than me and I didn’t mind it since I thought this what he needed to alleviate some of his frustration for the betterment of our relationship.
After this we agreed to never do it again. Up until this last summer. This last summer we went on a trip to Arizona with one of my friends. She had a killer mansion and it seemed like much needed break from life. So once we get there I was the one to bring up the idea of a Threesome for two reasons. 1. I was curious because I had never been with another man other than C and 2. I wanted C to finally get his itch scratched. Since we were on vacation it was also something I could just leave here so it seemed like an optimal opportunity. So one the last two days we were in Arizona, we found a guy who was Interested. I wasn’t too sure about the guy since he wasn’t much my type but C was really into it so I went along with it. The conversation with the third consistent so I had just thought nothing was gonna happen.
The same night, C, me and my friends were going to go out but C decided to stay in since he wasn’t feeling good. When I came back, C had texted the guy and had arranged the guy to come down to the place we were staying. I was drunk and saw how excited he was so said yes but I only agreed to oral and nothing more. When the guy got there and we started going at it together C is getting a little too touchy with our third so I stop to tell him to chill. Then, we start going again and finally C puts me on the spot asking to go further than what we agreed to. I instantly said no and wanted the whole thing to be over immediately because I had gotten uncomfortable.
After the guy left, C was visibly upset. Although he claimed he wasn’t he was upset because once again he didn’t get his itch scratched. Weeks after we got home from this trip, he felt into a deep depression. He felt ugly, insecure and all around bad. He later admitted that it was due to our third failed attempt. He again had felt that the guy was more into him than me. This caused him to spiral downwards. And at this point I had finally connected all the dots.
C associated hookups with his self worth. This was due to his unhealthy indulgence in hookup culture since he was 16. He wasn’t cognitive of this until I talked to him about it. He agreed that it was true. I urged him immediately to get help so he could start dealing with these feelings in a healthy way. He pushed this off because he thought sex therapy wasn’t necessary. But it clearly was since he relied on hookups for validation. Due to the failed threesomes, he had felt insecure about himself. I pushed and pushed him to really get professional help but eventually I stopped because he truly didn’t think he needed it.
Fast forward to Mid October of this year. Things had been going okay but things had changed. I was living in a place where he was no longer allowed to come over so I came to him instead. He also took one of my ESA’s and I kept the other. We were like a family. We would talk about how we were going to move in together and all live together United as a family. Some context about C and I, we’re both third year students in undergrad. I am also an undocumented student who goes to a private school meaning I don’t get any financial aid. To support school this school year I attained three jobs. One job as a legal fellow, a retail job and one side hustle as a free lance graphic designer for this marketing company. C was taking a full course load and had an internship near where I lived so we would constantly see each other on weekends.
One weekend after this birthday, we had dinner and headed back to my place where I snuck him in. I was feeling spontaneous and playful that night so we agree to download the hookup app to see who was near out of curiosity. I saw it in a way as I see couples watching porn together. It’s supposed to be fun and lighthearted thing to do as a couple but it got really dark really quickly. When trying to make the account, his email said that it had already been registered. I instantly freak out and he assures that it was just simply from our last time we used the app which was in Arizona. I was hesitant to believe him due to all the lies he had told me before. He gets really offended that I would think he would had an account after all we had been through but to me it wouldn’t be surprising if he did. For some reason he was able to make an account through google but not though the regular email registration although they were the same email. This at the moment made sense but later on seemed very odd. We were able to forget about this and move onto having the fun on the app we intended to have. Also, when choosing pictures of ourselves I saw he had a screen recording in his secure folder of the guys nudes from Arizona. He had told me had had delayed them but once again he had lied and kept them. He told me he did because they were just “memories”. This eventually made me even more suspicious.
Almost immediately, we spot my doorman from my last apartment complex. C instantly turns into a different person. He got the look in his eyes as if his sexual frustration had been triggered. He got instantly predatory and obsessed about him. This was due to that we were unsure if he was gay or not or even a top or bottom. At first I went along with it. Seeing him on there confined he was gay and in fact a top. This instantly trigger C’s sexual frustrations. C had been wanting to have sex with my doorman for months. He fantasized about him which was the projection I’ve been talking about. He said things like this that really made me question his loyalty to our relationship. After he realized he was getting out of hand we decided to go to sleep and delete the app .
The next day we spent it at his place with his family. His family and I had built such s strong connection and bond over the year of knowing each other. C’s parents considered me their third son. They were there and very supportive of me and my well-being. They were truly lovely people. Anyways back to the story, we spent the day there which was like any usual weekend but we decided to have sex that night. When we have sex he usually finishes before me because it’s hard to orgasm from just anal. I usually end up finishing myself off which I don’t mind but that night I minded. C finished and promised me to help me finish and instead fell asleep. I got really annoyed because It had been a while since he had helped me orgasm although I always help him. I start crying out of frustration and I also hadn’t really processed the night before too and I just eventually started spiraling. At the moment I had decided I had enough of everything. At the time, I felt he hadn’t really changed because yet again he was fast to fall back into the same place he was months ago. I had realize he was just really holding back rather than actually fundamentally changing as he promised he would. I essentially broke up with him that night but I almost immediately regret it since I had realized I was giving up. He didn’t give up on me and I promised him I wouldn’t give up in him so I didn’t. We ended up leaving in weird place where we didn’t know where we stood. He drove me to the train station so I could head to workS I told him I would take the day to make a decision and reconvine at night. I went to work and everything was going well.
Until when I get home from work, I check his google photos. He had logged onto my computer once and never logged out. That meant I had access to his google account. Since his phone is an android and linked to his google account I could see his whole phone activity. I would check this sometimes to see if he was doing anything suspicious because he had given me reason to. A few months back I stopped lurking all alone but after the last 48hrs I needed some of that validation. When I open the google photos, it’s a set of high quality nudes. Nudes taken on a tripod. This instantly sent me to a downward spiral. I instantly confront him because 1. He hasn’t sent me any nudes in months. 2. These nudes seem very intentional. 3. In the nudes, he purposefully took off a bracelet I had given him where my name was engraved in. All of this plus the context of the last 48hrs send me into this rampage. I was convinced he had gone off the rails and was on that hook up app again or sending these to someone else. I instantly start accusing him of being a cheater and a liar. I go on for around 30 mins just completely dragging him. He ultimately denied it and the more he did the more it made me not trust him. He had given me a very overwhelming amount of reason not to believe him in the moment. I hang up and call him back and at the moment he had made the choice to no longer continue dating me. The next day He said he needed a break for at least a week to think about what had just happened. I agreed but shortly I failed. I couldn’t give him his space because I realized I had built a codependent relationship. It felt awful not talking to him.
That same night I called him and broke down apologizing for freaking out and making him go through all of that. But he still insisted on a break to think about everything. So I tried my best. Prior to this break, his mom had just gotten surgery the week before. That same week his mom had gotten hospitalized for a infection in her kidneys. This very same week his dog of 15 years was also in the vet on fluids.
Through the week I was really just isolated from everything. I didn’t know how to cope with any of my emotions and I start freaking out. I tried to call him but at this point he was ignoring me. Things got really dark for me. I had major panic attacks and was basically hysterical all week. It got so bad I had to call a suicide hotline multiple times for support. I was so desperate to stop feeling my feelings that I genuinely considered harming myself but didn’t in the hope that they would just be temporary. I didn’t know who I could turn to. I didn’t have anybody who supported me like he did. I felt so alone and isolated. I did everything to try and take my mind of things even call my father which I hadn’t talked to in almost a year. This how desperate I was to take my mind off things but this turned out to be another dark discovery.
I tried calling my dad multiple times but he didn’t pick up. After a few days of calling I check on his social media and see that there’s a bunch of memorial post. I instantly was petrified. I didn’t know if my dad was alive and I had been ignoring him for months now. I felt awful and all I wanted to was go to C for support and comfort. This is when my hysteria and desperation started. I started calling and texting him non stop to stop ignoring me so he could support me but he was just saying I needed to respect his space. I didn’t disclose that my father was potentially dead because I didn’t know yet but I just needed to feel comfort from him. He shut me down after I was begging and begging. I felt so inhumane in these moments because he promised to be there for me no matter what. Even in the moments when his mom and dog were hospitalized I was there checking up on them and him to make sure he was okay and he couldn’t do the same for me. I was so hurt and destroyed from this.
Finally, the end of the break is coming up. The night before the break was over I went to to this party where I got blacked out drunk. The next day I had to go to work so you could only imagine what that was like. At work I’m already feeling like shit but I pull through. On my break, I try to get a hold of him but he’s ignoring me. Then I see his location through Snapchat and see that he’s at his friends house next to this major college town. I immediately freak out because it’s Halloween. He’s in a major college town on Halloween night and he’s probably going to be out late. On top of the rest of my anxiety this sends me Into a major panic attack to a point where I fainted at work. I passed out for 30 seconds out of stress. I start calling him frantically and he finally agrees to talk to me later tonight.
I went home and slept until late at night. He finally calls me and informs that he had to put his dog down since he was suffering really bad. Then he follows up by saying he was unable to continue being my partner but could be my friend. He said that he was done being in a relationship where his partner dose trust him. I instantly start begging him not leave because I really love him. I tell him that I am sorry about all the things I said to him and would get therapy to control my impulsive behavior and lack of trust. I tried to change his mind for 2 hours and nothing. He ended up hanging up on me and I cried so much all night. After I collected myself, I wrote him and his family a long letter thanking them for their love and support. In his letter I explained that I would be willing to be friends but I would be hard at first.
The week following this I shut down completely. Im at disbelief that this is actually happening. I refused to accept this so I started fighting for us. I wasn’t going to let this end our relationship since to me it seemed very minuscule. But after many days of trying to change his mind and prove my devotion and love, he ultimately made it clear that his choice was final. I was destroyed completely and in utter disbelief. That same week I found out that my father had passed away three months ago. I was being hit so hard emotionally. I really considered ending my life because of this. I felt so hopeless and loss but ultimately I pushed through.
The week after that he sent me all my belongings through the mail. I then ask him to come pick up his stuff after work which he did. When he came to pick up his stuff, he refused to go up to my room to sort through them. This made me furious but I brought him down all his stuff. At this point I hadn’t seen him in the weeks and I was angry he broken up with me because 1. I put up with so many of his mistakes and ultimately the distrust in our relationship was caused by his actions. 2. He broke up with me over the phone. We go to his car to talk and to make my final push for our relationship but failed .
In the car I broke down begging him to reconsider his choice and to allow me to grow since I had given him the space to grow. After many constant back and forward he asked me to leave his car. I refused because I was hysterical. Then the name “Jimmy” pops up on his phone and I further start loosing it. I ask him who Jimmy is and he starts telling me it’s a friend from high school. My brain refused to accept that it was an old friend. In my gut I knew it wasn’t true but I just went along with it. Eventually he started telling me to just get out and I just continued to refuse. Eventually he threatened to call the police which to me was a huge betrayal. He knew since I’m undocumented and in legal proceedings, any Police contact jeopardize my future. He eventually agreed to talk outside the car which I stupidly agreed to. He got out and signaled me to come. I followed him and as soon as I got out he ran back to his car and drove away.
I was left crying in the street. I had never felt so disrespected and thrown out in my entire life. I was honestly at the point holding on by thread. We don’t speak for three days and on the third day I finally agree to be friends with him and let this all go. It had made clear that we were no longe ever going to be together again and I should start moving on. That day he had been weirdly ignoring me which was not like him but I thought since we just gotten into this big fight it was normal.
I impulsively download the hook up app to see if C was on there which he wasn’t but then i had the Idea to try and log in using his email. He always used the same password for everything and I had because we would share streaming services. When I log onto the app, I see he had been texting N. N is my mentor for my legal fellowship. We work very close together and have to meet weekly. We also have a great friendship too. I call C hysterically confront him about it and i accuse him of sleeping with him which he instantly accepted responsibility. I was livid. I get off the phone with C and call N and N confirms they had sex the same day. N told me that C had been texting him for a week and half trying to meet up. And finally today N agreed to meet up with him and had sex wit him not knowing who he was. Also on his hook up app I saw he had been texting the same doorman he heavily fantasize about. I was full with rage.
N and I had been working together for couple months now and C knew exactly who he was. Although N didn’t fully know who C was. N just knew him as my boyfriend and nothing more. I was filled with rage. All love I still had for C left my body and was filled with hate and RAGE. I had never felt this betrayed in my life. So what do I do? I call him and start raging in him and confront him about the whole thing. I start calling his mom and brother to tell them about the horrible thing their son had just done to me. And like a dumbass, C tells them first before I do.
C finally calls me back and I tell him the most terrible things I’ve told anyone ever. He had confirmed everything I internally thought about him but refused to believe. C thought that he didn’t need to explain himself since he was no longer my partner. But he had shown me after that his true person. C doesn’t want to change and I don’t think he ever will because as soon as he got the chance he took it and fell back into the self destructive habits that hurt so many already. I ended up blocking him and emailing his parents and friends a long letter exposing him for all the shitty things he did to me in our relationship. The next day I found out my mentor had quit his job.
Now, I’m left with rage and I want to get revenge but idk if it’s the right thing to do. So here I am asking what do I do? Am I responsible for the failure of this very important relationship? Am I valid or am I just being crazy? Please let me know your thoughts below.
2021.11.17 18:40 axturo09 What should I do?
I just got out of a two year relationship that ended up really bad. But I don’t know if I’m in the wrong.
Me and my ex partner (C) met on Tinder around Jan 2020. At this point I had just gotten my heart broken by this man ( A). Me and A didn’t really date but we talked for about 2-3 months. Soon after me and A stoped talking thats when I met C. C and I didn’t really hit it off at first since he was a bad texter. Eventually after a couple days we stopped texting each other since I had lost interest.
Late Feb 2020, me and (A) started talking after his and his short term BF had broken up. Actually I found out that A cut me off to please his BF at the time. At first the found was a little fresh but at this time I was strong enough to be casual friends since we did have a good connection.
A few weeks into the initial March shutdown, I was going through my old texts and randomly texted C. C and I quickly started texting back and forward and eventually found a real connection. He was charming, very flirty and virtually obsessed with me. This was really unexpected but very comforting since we were stuck inside. Eventually we ended up talking everyday and then broke quarantine to meet up. Since then I had been infatuated by them. After a couple more dates, he finally asked to be his BF.
At the time, me and A were developing a strong friendship. I never saw him more than a friend at this point but still had a bit of trauma since he was my first heartbreak. Since I was unknowingly falling in love with C I was able to get over my heartbreak.
C didn’t knew that A had hurt me but, didn’t know we had rekindled our friendship and I internationally kept it from him because C would always get upset and insecure about A. Initially when me and C would talk about A I would demonize because I was still hurt but eventually was able to overcome it.
C also opened up about his past relationships. He had been in two prior relationships that same year which was not a red flag to me since I had never been in a real relationship with anyone. I thought it was normal. I then found out that C had cheated on his last two partners with each other which is why he eventually just ended both relationships. Both partners never found out about each other.
Weeks went by and me and C were really developing a strong relationship. Everything was going well. Me and C eventually told each other we were madly in love with each other and everything was a literal dream.
Then early summer came and things were starting to get rocky. C had a COVID scare and was really anxious since back in Summer 2020, it would take up to 12 days to get your test results. He was really scared and there wasn’t much I could do but I did feel bad. At the time, I was going through a lot too. Me and my parents were having really nasty fights since we were stuck at home for months. I was virtually miserable. I would go to C for this type of support since I was able to open up about my family life which I had never really done. I could sense that C was feeling overwhelmed by this so I stopped. That same week, I returned to work.
Three days back into work, I get this gut feeling that something is off. I feel that C was starting to pull away and that something was wrong. That same day I get a text from my friend and he sent me a screenshot of C on a hookup app. Instantly, my stomach felt into a pit. I had never felt this type of betrayal before and didn’t really know how to handle it. I instantly call C and confront him about it. C is in shock and is stunned that I found out. C claimed that he had downloaded this app just to cancel a subscription since it had renewed which really didn’t make any sense. I start spiraling and start raging on him. I call him and Evil person and start sobbing my heart out. I then told C I would never talk to him ever again. I left work and took the train home. As I was taking the train home the impulse of going to his house sounded like a good idea. So I have my friend drive me to confront him.
When confronting him, he was virtually speechless. He was just crying and apologetic the whole time. My whole point of the confrontation was to address why was he on there truly since his excuse over the phone didn’t make sense. After asking him multiple times he confessed he had downloaded it because he felt alone. He said that I had been pushing my problems to the front and not giving him the attention he needed so he went on there to get a quick fix of attention. At first, he said it was only window shopping. He told me that had not talked to anyone and was just seeing who was on there. When asked to show me the message log, he deletes the app in front of me. At this point, I knew he had talked to other people and was even more hurt.
When I asked him to re download and to log in all the messages were deleted. I instantly start loosing my shit and stopped believing him. After two hours of arguing, I agreed to try and work it out only if he told me the entire truth. He then proceeded to tell me that I already had the full truth. He then drove me home and the next day he revealed that he was unsure if he wanted to continue the relationship since he had hurt me so much. This was soul crushing since I really loved him a lot but we agreed to take a break to think objectively. We didn’t talk for a week and during this week we only journaled every night expressing our feelings and concerns around this hurtle.
As soon as we started a break I had gotten a really bad tooth infection and was sick for around two weeks. After a week, he finally decided to continue our relationship. After this, I still had a pit feeling in my stomach telling me something about his “truth” wasn’t really the truth. So I took it upon myself to find out.
That same summer I was kicked out from home and C and his family were able to house me for three weeks while I picked myself up. During these three weeks I was able to look through his Instagram DM’s after had logged into his Instagram on my phone and didn’t log out. I only found one red flag which was a DM from this guy he had hooked up with during a trip he took earlier this year to Seattle. The texts were the same day he was on the app. In the texts C was being very flirty with this person telling him all sorts of stuff like “i hope we cross paths again”. I tried not to make it a big deal so I kept it to myself since C wasn’t the one who initiated the conversation.
I also found out that True Depth of C’s past relationships. C had told one of his last partner that he loved him. C always told me that he had never told anyone he’s dated that he loved them but me. Turns out it was a lie. He had told his last partner he loved him. I didn’t make a big deal about it but I did talk to him about it. He explained he was sorry he lied but that he thought he had loved him truly but didn’t really know what love was. I understood his perspective and didn’t make it a bigger deal than it need to be.
After I was able to relocate to a new place, C and I were basically living together. C would come over every weekend and we did this for months. I was happy and starting to gain trust for him again. We would have small fights but nothing major. The only thing that would really bother me is that C constantly talked about sexual frustration. He said he would miss his old lifestyle in hookup culture. It got to a point where it made me feel insecure in our relationship. In my head I thought, if he misses that so much why is he with me then? He would always assure me that he loved me more. This was enough up until C started insisting a threesome.
The idea of a threesome was nowhere near my comfort zone at the time. I expressed this to C many times but he still kept pushing hard. Eventually I caved around March of 2021. At this point we had been together almost a year and I was willing to compromise. I felt like I had enough trust to go through with it so we found a third on the same hookup app he was caught using the last summer. We found a guy but it didn’t work since we were basically cat-fished. We moved on from this and try again at later time.
By this time, I had developed a close friendship with A. He had become one of my best friends and I really appreciated our friendship. It wasn’t anything romantic at all but I felt the need to keep it from C. I had demonized A early on in our relationship and C would not been fond since C grew to hate A since he hurt me so much. It was hard keeping this from C, so I made a new identity for A. I called this fictional character Callie. I explained to C everything about Callie which was the friendships me and A had developed. I thought this was right so potentially I could undo the tension I had create between C and A. I thought if C just saw Callie as as one of my girlfriends it would break the connotation that he was my ex whatever. Eventually it became hard to conceal this friendship so one day I just told C the full truth.
He was betrayed and devastated. I virtually had been lying to him for a year of our relationship and he was in every right to feel that way. But I need him to understand that me and A were strictly fiends. To try and fix this, I cut off A cold turkey. This brought some peace to C but it eventually brought me down. I had cut off one of my best friends for C. I felt terrible and lonely. Although I had C, I didn’t just want to talk to just him all the time. I finally revealed after a month that I had been really sad and missing A. C was able to compromise and understand that A was only a friend. A and I were able to rekindle our friendship but C still felt distrustful about it. After a while he was able to trust the whole friendship more but it took a lot.
Weeks after this, C were at good place again. C would come over every-weekend and spend time with me my ESA’s I had adopted early January 2021. C and I would always order out food through Ubereats. I usually ordered on my phone but every now and then C would order it. I would always pick up the food outside since I lived in an apartment complex. One day I was picking up the food and C had given me his phone to go pick up the food. I don’t know why but I thought this was an opportunity to ease my suspension from last summer. But when I checked his Snapchat, I found a chat from the same days he was on the app.
The messages were typical tinder small talk but I was instantly triggered. I was triggered because another part of the actual truth had just came out. I also found out he had texted his ex partner that he loved him to the moon and back. All of this lead to me spiraling again and raging. When confronted about it he explained that the he had simply forgotten about the conversation with this random guy on Snapchat. He revealed that the guy probably added him back when he was on the hookup app but the conversation was so meaningless that he had forgotten. I didn’t Believe him at first but eventually did since he broke down completely begging me to believe him. In regards to the texts between the ex, he explained he just told him that because his ex had randomly texted him about him almost dying and that he just wanted to say that he loved C. C just replied “to the moon and back” to the “I love you” text. He explained that he just told him that to avoid saying I love you because that would’ve painted a false picture. I was able to understand but the same pain from last summer had emerged.
Due to this I took a week break from C to see if it was worth trying anymore. After lots of thinking I thought I did because he didn’t give up on me when I betrayed him so I thought it would be fair to keep going since i thought it would be terrible to give up on someone who didn’t give up on me. We were able to overcome this and make forward with a clean slate of honesty so I thought.
This really backtracked all the trust I had given him and it felt like we were starting from square one again but I thought it was okay because I loved C.
A month later, me and C agreed to try that there some we had put off because C was starting to have a lot of sexual frustration and so was I. C felt sexual frustration because we weren’t the most compatible this way. He was more of a bottom than a top and I was completely a bottom. Although C enjoyed topping me he always told me he missed bottoming. I tried but was unsuccessful since it was painful for me. We tried other things like toys and stuff but C always told me it never fully scratched his itch. This further made me insecure about my relationship. I thought that C was going to get to a point where he would get so sexually frustrated that he would just cheat on me.
I felt sexually frustration then too because C and I stopped having regular sex. Within the span on 6 weeks we had only had sex twice and that was only because C would get performance anxiety and could never orgasm fully. C blamed it on him gaining weight and just felt insecure about it. He said he would have start having sex with me once he felt better about his body. He would still jerk off but refused to have sex with me for three weeks at a time. There were moments where we would have sex and he would finish but only twice in the span of six weeks. This didn’t seem right since we were only 19. Although he was on anti anxiety meds, he would still masturbarte and orgasm but was unable during sex which made me feel bad. I thought it was me. This eventually stopped after he lost a few pounds and were back to having consistent sex. Everything was okay but the projection of this sexual frustrations started up again and were worse than ever. He would project them and I would offer some solutions but none were enough for him. He told me that it just wasn’t the real thing. He would also thirst heavily on other men. He would stare at them and sometimes he would even get viably upset. There’s been a number of times where he had cried because he missed bottoming so much.
One distinct time was when I showed C my doorman at my building complex. He was very much C’s type and C would openly fantasize about my doorman. C kept asking me to ask my doorman to be our third but I always shut this idea down. Eventually I finally agreed to have a second threesome as a compromise for his sexual frustrations. In the moment it felt like it was the right thing to do since everything else we tried didn’t work but this would be a healthy way of him getting what he wanted but also me getting pleasure from it too. We again, downloaded the hookup app and found someone that same night. We invited the guy over and was another fail. The guy could not get fully erect meaning he couldn’t penetrate C. C also afterwards felt very insecure. He had felt that the guy liked me more than him which made him feel extremely insecure. I assured him that he was equally included especially since I did this for him. During the threesome I let him be the one to try and get penetration first. I made sure he was getting more attention than me and I didn’t mind it since I thought this what he needed to alleviate some of his frustration for the betterment of our relationship.
After this we agreed to never do it again. Up until this last summer. This last summer we went on a trip to Arizona with one of my friends. She had a killer mansion and it seemed like much needed break from life. So once we get there I was the one to bring up the idea of a Threesome for two reasons. 1. I was curious because I had never been with another man other than C and 2. I wanted C to finally get his itch scratched. Since we were on vacation it was also something I could just leave here so it seemed like an optimal opportunity. So one the last two days we were in Arizona, we found a guy who was Interested. I wasn’t too sure about the guy since he wasn’t much my type but C was really into it so I went along with it. The conversation with the third consistent so I had just thought nothing was gonna happen.
The same night, C, me and my friends were going to go out but C decided to stay in since he wasn’t feeling good. When I came back, C had texted the guy and had arranged the guy to come down to the place we were staying. I was drunk and saw how excited he was so said yes but I only agreed to oral and nothing more. When the guy got there and we started going at it together C is getting a little too touchy with our third so I stop to tell him to chill. Then, we start going again and finally C puts me on the spot asking to go further than what we agreed to. I instantly said no and wanted the whole thing to be over immediately because I had gotten uncomfortable.
After the guy left, C was visibly upset. Although he claimed he wasn’t he was upset because once again he didn’t get his itch scratched. Weeks after we got home from this trip, he felt into a deep depression. He felt ugly, insecure and all around bad. He later admitted that it was due to our third failed attempt. He again had felt that the guy was more into him than me. This caused him to spiral downwards. And at this point I had finally connected all the dots.
C associated hookups with his self worth. This was due to his unhealthy indulgence in hookup culture since he was 16. He wasn’t cognitive of this until I talked to him about it. He agreed that it was true. I urged him immediately to get help so he could start dealing with these feelings in a healthy way. He pushed this off because he thought sex therapy wasn’t necessary. But it clearly was since he relied on hookups for validation. Due to the failed threesomes, he had felt insecure about himself. I pushed and pushed him to really get professional help but eventually I stopped because he truly didn’t think he needed it.
Fast forward to Mid October of this year. Things had been going okay but things had changed. I was living in a place where he was no longer allowed to come over so I came to him instead. He also took one of my ESA’s and I kept the other. We were like a family. We would talk about how we were going to move in together and all live together United as a family. Some context about C and I, we’re both third year students in undergrad. I am also an undocumented student who goes to a private school meaning I don’t get any financial aid. To support school this school year I attained three jobs. One job as a legal fellow, a retail job and one side hustle as a free lance graphic designer for this marketing company. C was taking a full course load and had an internship near where I lived so we would constantly see each other on weekends.
One weekend after this birthday, we had dinner and headed back to my place where I snuck him in. I was feeling spontaneous and playful that night so we agree to download the hookup app to see who was near out of curiosity. I saw it in a way as I see couples watching porn together. It’s supposed to be fun and lighthearted thing to do as a couple but it got really dark really quickly. When trying to make the account, his email said that it had already been registered. I instantly freak out and he assures that it was just simply from our last time we used the app which was in Arizona. I was hesitant to believe him due to all the lies he had told me before. He gets really offended that I would think he would had an account after all we had been through but to me it wouldn’t be surprising if he did. For some reason he was able to make an account through google but not though the regular email registration although they were the same email. This at the moment made sense but later on seemed very odd. We were able to forget about this and move onto having the fun on the app we intended to have. Also, when choosing pictures of ourselves I saw he had a screen recording in his secure folder of the guys nudes from Arizona. He had told me had had delayed them but once again he had lied and kept them. He told me he did because they were just “memories”. This eventually made me even more suspicious.
Almost immediately, we spot my doorman from my last apartment complex. C instantly turns into a different person. He got the look in his eyes as if his sexual frustration had been triggered. He got instantly predatory and obsessed about him. This was due to that we were unsure if he was gay or not or even a top or bottom. At first I went along with it. Seeing him on there confined he was gay and in fact a top. This instantly trigger C’s sexual frustrations. C had been wanting to have sex with my doorman for months. He fantasized about him which was the projection I’ve been talking about. He said things like this that really made me question his loyalty to our relationship. After he realized he was getting out of hand we decided to go to sleep and delete the app .
The next day we spent it at his place with his family. His family and I had built such s strong connection and bond over the year of knowing each other. C’s parents considered me their third son. They were there and very supportive of me and my well-being. They were truly lovely people. Anyways back to the story, we spent the day there which was like any usual weekend but we decided to have sex that night. When we have sex he usually finishes before me because it’s hard to orgasm from just anal. I usually end up finishing myself off which I don’t mind but that night I minded. C finished and promised me to help me finish and instead fell asleep. I got really annoyed because It had been a while since he had helped me orgasm although I always help him. I start crying out of frustration and I also hadn’t really processed the night before too and I just eventually started spiraling. At the moment I had decided I had enough of everything. At the time, I felt he hadn’t really changed because yet again he was fast to fall back into the same place he was months ago. I had realize he was just really holding back rather than actually fundamentally changing as he promised he would. I essentially broke up with him that night but I almost immediately regret it since I had realized I was giving up. He didn’t give up on me and I promised him I wouldn’t give up in him so I didn’t. We ended up leaving in weird place where we didn’t know where we stood. He drove me to the train station so I could head to workS I told him I would take the day to make a decision and reconvine at night. I went to work and everything was going well.
Until when I get home from work, I check his google photos. He had logged onto my computer once and never logged out. That meant I had access to his google account. Since his phone is an android and linked to his google account I could see his whole phone activity. I would check this sometimes to see if he was doing anything suspicious because he had given me reason to. A few months back I stopped lurking all alone but after the last 48hrs I needed some of that validation. When I open the google photos, it’s a set of high quality nudes. Nudes taken on a tripod. This instantly sent me to a downward spiral. I instantly confront him because 1. He hasn’t sent me any nudes in months. 2. These nudes seem very intentional. 3. In the nudes, he purposefully took off a bracelet I had given him where my name was engraved in. All of this plus the context of the last 48hrs send me into this rampage. I was convinced he had gone off the rails and was on that hook up app again or sending these to someone else. I instantly start accusing him of being a cheater and a liar. I go on for around 30 mins just completely dragging him. He ultimately denied it and the more he did the more it made me not trust him. He had given me a very overwhelming amount of reason not to believe him in the moment. I hang up and call him back and at the moment he had made the choice to no longer continue dating me. The next day He said he needed a break for at least a week to think about what had just happened. I agreed but shortly I failed. I couldn’t give him his space because I realized I had built a codependent relationship. It felt awful not talking to him.
That same night I called him and broke down apologizing for freaking out and making him go through all of that. But he still insisted on a break to think about everything. So I tried my best. Prior to this break, his mom had just gotten surgery the week before. That same week his mom had gotten hospitalized for a infection in her kidneys. This very same week his dog of 15 years was also in the vet on fluids.
Through the week I was really just isolated from everything. I didn’t know how to cope with any of my emotions and I start freaking out. I tried to call him but at this point he was ignoring me. Things got really dark for me. I had major panic attacks and was basically hysterical all week. It got so bad I had to call a suicide hotline multiple times for support. I was so desperate to stop feeling my feelings that I genuinely considered harming myself but didn’t in the hope that they would just be temporary. I didn’t know who I could turn to. I didn’t have anybody who supported me like he did. I felt so alone and isolated. I did everything to try and take my mind of things even call my father which I hadn’t talked to in almost a year. This how desperate I was to take my mind off things but this turned out to be another dark discovery.
I tried calling my dad multiple times but he didn’t pick up. After a few days of calling I check on his social media and see that there’s a bunch of memorial post. I instantly was petrified. I didn’t know if my dad was alive and I had been ignoring him for months now. I felt awful and all I wanted to was go to C for support and comfort. This is when my hysteria and desperation started. I started calling and texting him non stop to stop ignoring me so he could support me but he was just saying I needed to respect his space. I didn’t disclose that my father was potentially dead because I didn’t know yet but I just needed to feel comfort from him. He shut me down after I was begging and begging. I felt so inhumane in these moments because he promised to be there for me no matter what. Even in the moments when his mom and dog were hospitalized I was there checking up on them and him to make sure he was okay and he couldn’t do the same for me. I was so hurt and destroyed from this.
Finally, the end of the break is coming up. The night before the break was over I went to to this party where I got blacked out drunk. The next day I had to go to work so you could only imagine what that was like. At work I’m already feeling like shit but I pull through. On my break, I try to get a hold of him but he’s ignoring me. Then I see his location through Snapchat and see that he’s at his friends house next to this major college town. I immediately freak out because it’s Halloween. He’s in a major college town on Halloween night and he’s probably going to be out late. On top of the rest of my anxiety this sends me Into a major panic attack to a point where I fainted at work. I passed out for 30 seconds out of stress. I start calling him frantically and he finally agrees to talk to me later tonight.
I went home and slept until late at night. He finally calls me and informs that he had to put his dog down since he was suffering really bad. Then he follows up by saying he was unable to continue being my partner but could be my friend. He said that he was done being in a relationship where his partner dose trust him. I instantly start begging him not leave because I really love him. I tell him that I am sorry about all the things I said to him and would get therapy to control my impulsive behavior and lack of trust. I tried to change his mind for 2 hours and nothing. He ended up hanging up on me and I cried so much all night. After I collected myself, I wrote him and his family a long letter thanking them for their love and support. In his letter I explained that I would be willing to be friends but I would be hard at first.
The week following this I shut down completely. Im at disbelief that this is actually happening. I refused to accept this so I started fighting for us. I wasn’t going to let this end our relationship since to me it seemed very minuscule. But after many days of trying to change his mind and prove my devotion and love, he ultimately made it clear that his choice was final. I was destroyed completely and in utter disbelief. That same week I found out that my father had passed away three months ago. I was being hit so hard emotionally. I really considered ending my life because of this. I felt so hopeless and loss but ultimately I pushed through.
The week after that he sent me all my belongings through the mail. I then ask him to come pick up his stuff after work which he did. When he came to pick up his stuff, he refused to go up to my room to sort through them. This made me furious but I brought him down all his stuff. At this point I hadn’t seen him in the weeks and I was angry he broken up with me because 1. I put up with so many of his mistakes and ultimately the distrust in our relationship was caused by his actions. 2. He broke up with me over the phone. We go to his car to talk and to make my final push for our relationship but failed .
In the car I broke down begging him to reconsider his choice and to allow me to grow since I had given him the space to grow. After many constant back and forward he asked me to leave his car. I refused because I was hysterical. Then the name “Jimmy” pops up on his phone and I further start loosing it. I ask him who Jimmy is and he starts telling me it’s a friend from high school. My brain refused to accept that it was an old friend. In my gut I knew it wasn’t true but I just went along with it. Eventually he started telling me to just get out and I just continued to refuse. Eventually he threatened to call the police which to me was a huge betrayal. He knew since I’m undocumented and in legal proceedings, any Police contact jeopardize my future. He eventually agreed to talk outside the car which I stupidly agreed to. He got out and signaled me to come. I followed him and as soon as I got out he ran back to his car and drove away.
I was left crying in the street. I had never felt so disrespected and thrown out in my entire life. I was honestly at the point holding on by thread. We don’t speak for three days and on the third day I finally agree to be friends with him and let this all go. It had made clear that we were no longe ever going to be together again and I should start moving on. That day he had been weirdly ignoring me which was not like him but I thought since we just gotten into this big fight it was normal.
I impulsively download the hook up app to see if C was on there which he wasn’t but then i had the Idea to try and log in using his email. He always used the same password for everything and I had because we would share streaming services. When I log onto the app, I see he had been texting N. N is my mentor for my legal fellowship. We work very close together and have to meet weekly. We also have a great friendship too. I call C hysterically confront him about it and i accuse him of sleeping with him which he instantly accepted responsibility. I was livid. I get off the phone with C and call N and N confirms they had sex the same day. N told me that C had been texting him for a week and half trying to meet up. And finally today N agreed to meet up with him and had sex wit him not knowing who he was. Also on his hook up app I saw he had been texting the same doorman he heavily fantasize about. I was full with rage.
N and I had been working together for couple months now and C knew exactly who he was. Although N didn’t fully know who C was. N just knew him as my boyfriend and nothing more. I was filled with rage. All love I still had for C left my body and was filled with hate and RAGE. I had never felt this betrayed in my life. So what do I do? I call him and start raging in him and confront him about the whole thing. I start calling his mom and brother to tell them about the horrible thing their son had just done to me. And like a dumbass, C tells them first before I do.
C finally calls me back and I tell him the most terrible things I’ve told anyone ever. He had confirmed everything I internally thought about him but refused to believe. C thought that he didn’t need to explain himself since he was no longer my partner. But he had shown me after that his true person. C doesn’t want to change and I don’t think he ever will because as soon as he got the chance he took it and fell back into the self destructive habits that hurt so many already. I ended up blocking him and emailing his parents and friends a long letter exposing him for all the shitty things he did to me in our relationship. The next day I found out my mentor had quit his job.
Now, I’m left with rage and I want to get revenge but idk if it’s the right thing to do. So here I am asking what do I do? Am I responsible for the failure of this very important relationship? Am I valid or am I just being crazy? Please let me know your thoughts below.
submitted by axturo09 to BreakUps [link] [comments]
Me and my ex partner (C) met on Tinder around Jan 2020. At this point I had just gotten my heart broken by this man ( A). Me and A didn’t really date but we talked for about 2-3 months. Soon after me and A stoped talking thats when I met C. C and I didn’t really hit it off at first since he was a bad texter. Eventually after a couple days we stopped texting each other since I had lost interest.
Late Feb 2020, me and (A) started talking after his and his short term BF had broken up. Actually I found out that A cut me off to please his BF at the time. At first the found was a little fresh but at this time I was strong enough to be casual friends since we did have a good connection.
A few weeks into the initial March shutdown, I was going through my old texts and randomly texted C. C and I quickly started texting back and forward and eventually found a real connection. He was charming, very flirty and virtually obsessed with me. This was really unexpected but very comforting since we were stuck inside. Eventually we ended up talking everyday and then broke quarantine to meet up. Since then I had been infatuated by them. After a couple more dates, he finally asked to be his BF.
At the time, me and A were developing a strong friendship. I never saw him more than a friend at this point but still had a bit of trauma since he was my first heartbreak. Since I was unknowingly falling in love with C I was able to get over my heartbreak.
C didn’t knew that A had hurt me but, didn’t know we had rekindled our friendship and I internationally kept it from him because C would always get upset and insecure about A. Initially when me and C would talk about A I would demonize because I was still hurt but eventually was able to overcome it.
C also opened up about his past relationships. He had been in two prior relationships that same year which was not a red flag to me since I had never been in a real relationship with anyone. I thought it was normal. I then found out that C had cheated on his last two partners with each other which is why he eventually just ended both relationships. Both partners never found out about each other.
Weeks went by and me and C were really developing a strong relationship. Everything was going well. Me and C eventually told each other we were madly in love with each other and everything was a literal dream.
Then early summer came and things were starting to get rocky. C had a COVID scare and was really anxious since back in Summer 2020, it would take up to 12 days to get your test results. He was really scared and there wasn’t much I could do but I did feel bad. At the time, I was going through a lot too. Me and my parents were having really nasty fights since we were stuck at home for months. I was virtually miserable. I would go to C for this type of support since I was able to open up about my family life which I had never really done. I could sense that C was feeling overwhelmed by this so I stopped. That same week, I returned to work.
Three days back into work, I get this gut feeling that something is off. I feel that C was starting to pull away and that something was wrong. That same day I get a text from my friend and he sent me a screenshot of C on a hookup app. Instantly, my stomach felt into a pit. I had never felt this type of betrayal before and didn’t really know how to handle it. I instantly call C and confront him about it. C is in shock and is stunned that I found out. C claimed that he had downloaded this app just to cancel a subscription since it had renewed which really didn’t make any sense. I start spiraling and start raging on him. I call him and Evil person and start sobbing my heart out. I then told C I would never talk to him ever again. I left work and took the train home. As I was taking the train home the impulse of going to his house sounded like a good idea. So I have my friend drive me to confront him.
When confronting him, he was virtually speechless. He was just crying and apologetic the whole time. My whole point of the confrontation was to address why was he on there truly since his excuse over the phone didn’t make sense. After asking him multiple times he confessed he had downloaded it because he felt alone. He said that I had been pushing my problems to the front and not giving him the attention he needed so he went on there to get a quick fix of attention. At first, he said it was only window shopping. He told me that had not talked to anyone and was just seeing who was on there. When asked to show me the message log, he deletes the app in front of me. At this point, I knew he had talked to other people and was even more hurt.
When I asked him to re download and to log in all the messages were deleted. I instantly start loosing my shit and stopped believing him. After two hours of arguing, I agreed to try and work it out only if he told me the entire truth. He then proceeded to tell me that I already had the full truth. He then drove me home and the next day he revealed that he was unsure if he wanted to continue the relationship since he had hurt me so much. This was soul crushing since I really loved him a lot but we agreed to take a break to think objectively. We didn’t talk for a week and during this week we only journaled every night expressing our feelings and concerns around this hurtle.
As soon as we started a break I had gotten a really bad tooth infection and was sick for around two weeks. After a week, he finally decided to continue our relationship. After this, I still had a pit feeling in my stomach telling me something about his “truth” wasn’t really the truth. So I took it upon myself to find out.
That same summer I was kicked out from home and C and his family were able to house me for three weeks while I picked myself up. During these three weeks I was able to look through his Instagram DM’s after had logged into his Instagram on my phone and didn’t log out. I only found one red flag which was a DM from this guy he had hooked up with during a trip he took earlier this year to Seattle. The texts were the same day he was on the app. In the texts C was being very flirty with this person telling him all sorts of stuff like “i hope we cross paths again”. I tried not to make it a big deal so I kept it to myself since C wasn’t the one who initiated the conversation.
I also found out that True Depth of C’s past relationships. C had told one of his last partner that he loved him. C always told me that he had never told anyone he’s dated that he loved them but me. Turns out it was a lie. He had told his last partner he loved him. I didn’t make a big deal about it but I did talk to him about it. He explained he was sorry he lied but that he thought he had loved him truly but didn’t really know what love was. I understood his perspective and didn’t make it a bigger deal than it need to be.
After I was able to relocate to a new place, C and I were basically living together. C would come over every weekend and we did this for months. I was happy and starting to gain trust for him again. We would have small fights but nothing major. The only thing that would really bother me is that C constantly talked about sexual frustration. He said he would miss his old lifestyle in hookup culture. It got to a point where it made me feel insecure in our relationship. In my head I thought, if he misses that so much why is he with me then? He would always assure me that he loved me more. This was enough up until C started insisting a threesome.
The idea of a threesome was nowhere near my comfort zone at the time. I expressed this to C many times but he still kept pushing hard. Eventually I caved around March of 2021. At this point we had been together almost a year and I was willing to compromise. I felt like I had enough trust to go through with it so we found a third on the same hookup app he was caught using the last summer. We found a guy but it didn’t work since we were basically cat-fished. We moved on from this and try again at later time.
By this time, I had developed a close friendship with A. He had become one of my best friends and I really appreciated our friendship. It wasn’t anything romantic at all but I felt the need to keep it from C. I had demonized A early on in our relationship and C would not been fond since C grew to hate A since he hurt me so much. It was hard keeping this from C, so I made a new identity for A. I called this fictional character Callie. I explained to C everything about Callie which was the friendships me and A had developed. I thought this was right so potentially I could undo the tension I had create between C and A. I thought if C just saw Callie as as one of my girlfriends it would break the connotation that he was my ex whatever. Eventually it became hard to conceal this friendship so one day I just told C the full truth.
He was betrayed and devastated. I virtually had been lying to him for a year of our relationship and he was in every right to feel that way. But I need him to understand that me and A were strictly fiends. To try and fix this, I cut off A cold turkey. This brought some peace to C but it eventually brought me down. I had cut off one of my best friends for C. I felt terrible and lonely. Although I had C, I didn’t just want to talk to just him all the time. I finally revealed after a month that I had been really sad and missing A. C was able to compromise and understand that A was only a friend. A and I were able to rekindle our friendship but C still felt distrustful about it. After a while he was able to trust the whole friendship more but it took a lot.
Weeks after this, C were at good place again. C would come over every-weekend and spend time with me my ESA’s I had adopted early January 2021. C and I would always order out food through Ubereats. I usually ordered on my phone but every now and then C would order it. I would always pick up the food outside since I lived in an apartment complex. One day I was picking up the food and C had given me his phone to go pick up the food. I don’t know why but I thought this was an opportunity to ease my suspension from last summer. But when I checked his Snapchat, I found a chat from the same days he was on the app.
The messages were typical tinder small talk but I was instantly triggered. I was triggered because another part of the actual truth had just came out. I also found out he had texted his ex partner that he loved him to the moon and back. All of this lead to me spiraling again and raging. When confronted about it he explained that the he had simply forgotten about the conversation with this random guy on Snapchat. He revealed that the guy probably added him back when he was on the hookup app but the conversation was so meaningless that he had forgotten. I didn’t Believe him at first but eventually did since he broke down completely begging me to believe him. In regards to the texts between the ex, he explained he just told him that because his ex had randomly texted him about him almost dying and that he just wanted to say that he loved C. C just replied “to the moon and back” to the “I love you” text. He explained that he just told him that to avoid saying I love you because that would’ve painted a false picture. I was able to understand but the same pain from last summer had emerged.
Due to this I took a week break from C to see if it was worth trying anymore. After lots of thinking I thought I did because he didn’t give up on me when I betrayed him so I thought it would be fair to keep going since i thought it would be terrible to give up on someone who didn’t give up on me. We were able to overcome this and make forward with a clean slate of honesty so I thought.
This really backtracked all the trust I had given him and it felt like we were starting from square one again but I thought it was okay because I loved C.
A month later, me and C agreed to try that there some we had put off because C was starting to have a lot of sexual frustration and so was I. C felt sexual frustration because we weren’t the most compatible this way. He was more of a bottom than a top and I was completely a bottom. Although C enjoyed topping me he always told me he missed bottoming. I tried but was unsuccessful since it was painful for me. We tried other things like toys and stuff but C always told me it never fully scratched his itch. This further made me insecure about my relationship. I thought that C was going to get to a point where he would get so sexually frustrated that he would just cheat on me.
I felt sexually frustration then too because C and I stopped having regular sex. Within the span on 6 weeks we had only had sex twice and that was only because C would get performance anxiety and could never orgasm fully. C blamed it on him gaining weight and just felt insecure about it. He said he would have start having sex with me once he felt better about his body. He would still jerk off but refused to have sex with me for three weeks at a time. There were moments where we would have sex and he would finish but only twice in the span of six weeks. This didn’t seem right since we were only 19. Although he was on anti anxiety meds, he would still masturbarte and orgasm but was unable during sex which made me feel bad. I thought it was me. This eventually stopped after he lost a few pounds and were back to having consistent sex. Everything was okay but the projection of this sexual frustrations started up again and were worse than ever. He would project them and I would offer some solutions but none were enough for him. He told me that it just wasn’t the real thing. He would also thirst heavily on other men. He would stare at them and sometimes he would even get viably upset. There’s been a number of times where he had cried because he missed bottoming so much.
One distinct time was when I showed C my doorman at my building complex. He was very much C’s type and C would openly fantasize about my doorman. C kept asking me to ask my doorman to be our third but I always shut this idea down. Eventually I finally agreed to have a second threesome as a compromise for his sexual frustrations. In the moment it felt like it was the right thing to do since everything else we tried didn’t work but this would be a healthy way of him getting what he wanted but also me getting pleasure from it too. We again, downloaded the hookup app and found someone that same night. We invited the guy over and was another fail. The guy could not get fully erect meaning he couldn’t penetrate C. C also afterwards felt very insecure. He had felt that the guy liked me more than him which made him feel extremely insecure. I assured him that he was equally included especially since I did this for him. During the threesome I let him be the one to try and get penetration first. I made sure he was getting more attention than me and I didn’t mind it since I thought this what he needed to alleviate some of his frustration for the betterment of our relationship.
After this we agreed to never do it again. Up until this last summer. This last summer we went on a trip to Arizona with one of my friends. She had a killer mansion and it seemed like much needed break from life. So once we get there I was the one to bring up the idea of a Threesome for two reasons. 1. I was curious because I had never been with another man other than C and 2. I wanted C to finally get his itch scratched. Since we were on vacation it was also something I could just leave here so it seemed like an optimal opportunity. So one the last two days we were in Arizona, we found a guy who was Interested. I wasn’t too sure about the guy since he wasn’t much my type but C was really into it so I went along with it. The conversation with the third consistent so I had just thought nothing was gonna happen.
The same night, C, me and my friends were going to go out but C decided to stay in since he wasn’t feeling good. When I came back, C had texted the guy and had arranged the guy to come down to the place we were staying. I was drunk and saw how excited he was so said yes but I only agreed to oral and nothing more. When the guy got there and we started going at it together C is getting a little too touchy with our third so I stop to tell him to chill. Then, we start going again and finally C puts me on the spot asking to go further than what we agreed to. I instantly said no and wanted the whole thing to be over immediately because I had gotten uncomfortable.
After the guy left, C was visibly upset. Although he claimed he wasn’t he was upset because once again he didn’t get his itch scratched. Weeks after we got home from this trip, he felt into a deep depression. He felt ugly, insecure and all around bad. He later admitted that it was due to our third failed attempt. He again had felt that the guy was more into him than me. This caused him to spiral downwards. And at this point I had finally connected all the dots.
C associated hookups with his self worth. This was due to his unhealthy indulgence in hookup culture since he was 16. He wasn’t cognitive of this until I talked to him about it. He agreed that it was true. I urged him immediately to get help so he could start dealing with these feelings in a healthy way. He pushed this off because he thought sex therapy wasn’t necessary. But it clearly was since he relied on hookups for validation. Due to the failed threesomes, he had felt insecure about himself. I pushed and pushed him to really get professional help but eventually I stopped because he truly didn’t think he needed it.
Fast forward to Mid October of this year. Things had been going okay but things had changed. I was living in a place where he was no longer allowed to come over so I came to him instead. He also took one of my ESA’s and I kept the other. We were like a family. We would talk about how we were going to move in together and all live together United as a family. Some context about C and I, we’re both third year students in undergrad. I am also an undocumented student who goes to a private school meaning I don’t get any financial aid. To support school this school year I attained three jobs. One job as a legal fellow, a retail job and one side hustle as a free lance graphic designer for this marketing company. C was taking a full course load and had an internship near where I lived so we would constantly see each other on weekends.
One weekend after this birthday, we had dinner and headed back to my place where I snuck him in. I was feeling spontaneous and playful that night so we agree to download the hookup app to see who was near out of curiosity. I saw it in a way as I see couples watching porn together. It’s supposed to be fun and lighthearted thing to do as a couple but it got really dark really quickly. When trying to make the account, his email said that it had already been registered. I instantly freak out and he assures that it was just simply from our last time we used the app which was in Arizona. I was hesitant to believe him due to all the lies he had told me before. He gets really offended that I would think he would had an account after all we had been through but to me it wouldn’t be surprising if he did. For some reason he was able to make an account through google but not though the regular email registration although they were the same email. This at the moment made sense but later on seemed very odd. We were able to forget about this and move onto having the fun on the app we intended to have. Also, when choosing pictures of ourselves I saw he had a screen recording in his secure folder of the guys nudes from Arizona. He had told me had had delayed them but once again he had lied and kept them. He told me he did because they were just “memories”. This eventually made me even more suspicious.
Almost immediately, we spot my doorman from my last apartment complex. C instantly turns into a different person. He got the look in his eyes as if his sexual frustration had been triggered. He got instantly predatory and obsessed about him. This was due to that we were unsure if he was gay or not or even a top or bottom. At first I went along with it. Seeing him on there confined he was gay and in fact a top. This instantly trigger C’s sexual frustrations. C had been wanting to have sex with my doorman for months. He fantasized about him which was the projection I’ve been talking about. He said things like this that really made me question his loyalty to our relationship. After he realized he was getting out of hand we decided to go to sleep and delete the app .
The next day we spent it at his place with his family. His family and I had built such s strong connection and bond over the year of knowing each other. C’s parents considered me their third son. They were there and very supportive of me and my well-being. They were truly lovely people. Anyways back to the story, we spent the day there which was like any usual weekend but we decided to have sex that night. When we have sex he usually finishes before me because it’s hard to orgasm from just anal. I usually end up finishing myself off which I don’t mind but that night I minded. C finished and promised me to help me finish and instead fell asleep. I got really annoyed because It had been a while since he had helped me orgasm although I always help him. I start crying out of frustration and I also hadn’t really processed the night before too and I just eventually started spiraling. At the moment I had decided I had enough of everything. At the time, I felt he hadn’t really changed because yet again he was fast to fall back into the same place he was months ago. I had realize he was just really holding back rather than actually fundamentally changing as he promised he would. I essentially broke up with him that night but I almost immediately regret it since I had realized I was giving up. He didn’t give up on me and I promised him I wouldn’t give up in him so I didn’t. We ended up leaving in weird place where we didn’t know where we stood. He drove me to the train station so I could head to workS I told him I would take the day to make a decision and reconvine at night. I went to work and everything was going well.
Until when I get home from work, I check his google photos. He had logged onto my computer once and never logged out. That meant I had access to his google account. Since his phone is an android and linked to his google account I could see his whole phone activity. I would check this sometimes to see if he was doing anything suspicious because he had given me reason to. A few months back I stopped lurking all alone but after the last 48hrs I needed some of that validation. When I open the google photos, it’s a set of high quality nudes. Nudes taken on a tripod. This instantly sent me to a downward spiral. I instantly confront him because 1. He hasn’t sent me any nudes in months. 2. These nudes seem very intentional. 3. In the nudes, he purposefully took off a bracelet I had given him where my name was engraved in. All of this plus the context of the last 48hrs send me into this rampage. I was convinced he had gone off the rails and was on that hook up app again or sending these to someone else. I instantly start accusing him of being a cheater and a liar. I go on for around 30 mins just completely dragging him. He ultimately denied it and the more he did the more it made me not trust him. He had given me a very overwhelming amount of reason not to believe him in the moment. I hang up and call him back and at the moment he had made the choice to no longer continue dating me. The next day He said he needed a break for at least a week to think about what had just happened. I agreed but shortly I failed. I couldn’t give him his space because I realized I had built a codependent relationship. It felt awful not talking to him.
That same night I called him and broke down apologizing for freaking out and making him go through all of that. But he still insisted on a break to think about everything. So I tried my best. Prior to this break, his mom had just gotten surgery the week before. That same week his mom had gotten hospitalized for a infection in her kidneys. This very same week his dog of 15 years was also in the vet on fluids.
Through the week I was really just isolated from everything. I didn’t know how to cope with any of my emotions and I start freaking out. I tried to call him but at this point he was ignoring me. Things got really dark for me. I had major panic attacks and was basically hysterical all week. It got so bad I had to call a suicide hotline multiple times for support. I was so desperate to stop feeling my feelings that I genuinely considered harming myself but didn’t in the hope that they would just be temporary. I didn’t know who I could turn to. I didn’t have anybody who supported me like he did. I felt so alone and isolated. I did everything to try and take my mind of things even call my father which I hadn’t talked to in almost a year. This how desperate I was to take my mind off things but this turned out to be another dark discovery.
I tried calling my dad multiple times but he didn’t pick up. After a few days of calling I check on his social media and see that there’s a bunch of memorial post. I instantly was petrified. I didn’t know if my dad was alive and I had been ignoring him for months now. I felt awful and all I wanted to was go to C for support and comfort. This is when my hysteria and desperation started. I started calling and texting him non stop to stop ignoring me so he could support me but he was just saying I needed to respect his space. I didn’t disclose that my father was potentially dead because I didn’t know yet but I just needed to feel comfort from him. He shut me down after I was begging and begging. I felt so inhumane in these moments because he promised to be there for me no matter what. Even in the moments when his mom and dog were hospitalized I was there checking up on them and him to make sure he was okay and he couldn’t do the same for me. I was so hurt and destroyed from this.
Finally, the end of the break is coming up. The night before the break was over I went to to this party where I got blacked out drunk. The next day I had to go to work so you could only imagine what that was like. At work I’m already feeling like shit but I pull through. On my break, I try to get a hold of him but he’s ignoring me. Then I see his location through Snapchat and see that he’s at his friends house next to this major college town. I immediately freak out because it’s Halloween. He’s in a major college town on Halloween night and he’s probably going to be out late. On top of the rest of my anxiety this sends me Into a major panic attack to a point where I fainted at work. I passed out for 30 seconds out of stress. I start calling him frantically and he finally agrees to talk to me later tonight.
I went home and slept until late at night. He finally calls me and informs that he had to put his dog down since he was suffering really bad. Then he follows up by saying he was unable to continue being my partner but could be my friend. He said that he was done being in a relationship where his partner dose trust him. I instantly start begging him not leave because I really love him. I tell him that I am sorry about all the things I said to him and would get therapy to control my impulsive behavior and lack of trust. I tried to change his mind for 2 hours and nothing. He ended up hanging up on me and I cried so much all night. After I collected myself, I wrote him and his family a long letter thanking them for their love and support. In his letter I explained that I would be willing to be friends but I would be hard at first.
The week following this I shut down completely. Im at disbelief that this is actually happening. I refused to accept this so I started fighting for us. I wasn’t going to let this end our relationship since to me it seemed very minuscule. But after many days of trying to change his mind and prove my devotion and love, he ultimately made it clear that his choice was final. I was destroyed completely and in utter disbelief. That same week I found out that my father had passed away three months ago. I was being hit so hard emotionally. I really considered ending my life because of this. I felt so hopeless and loss but ultimately I pushed through.
The week after that he sent me all my belongings through the mail. I then ask him to come pick up his stuff after work which he did. When he came to pick up his stuff, he refused to go up to my room to sort through them. This made me furious but I brought him down all his stuff. At this point I hadn’t seen him in the weeks and I was angry he broken up with me because 1. I put up with so many of his mistakes and ultimately the distrust in our relationship was caused by his actions. 2. He broke up with me over the phone. We go to his car to talk and to make my final push for our relationship but failed .
In the car I broke down begging him to reconsider his choice and to allow me to grow since I had given him the space to grow. After many constant back and forward he asked me to leave his car. I refused because I was hysterical. Then the name “Jimmy” pops up on his phone and I further start loosing it. I ask him who Jimmy is and he starts telling me it’s a friend from high school. My brain refused to accept that it was an old friend. In my gut I knew it wasn’t true but I just went along with it. Eventually he started telling me to just get out and I just continued to refuse. Eventually he threatened to call the police which to me was a huge betrayal. He knew since I’m undocumented and in legal proceedings, any Police contact jeopardize my future. He eventually agreed to talk outside the car which I stupidly agreed to. He got out and signaled me to come. I followed him and as soon as I got out he ran back to his car and drove away.
I was left crying in the street. I had never felt so disrespected and thrown out in my entire life. I was honestly at the point holding on by thread. We don’t speak for three days and on the third day I finally agree to be friends with him and let this all go. It had made clear that we were no longe ever going to be together again and I should start moving on. That day he had been weirdly ignoring me which was not like him but I thought since we just gotten into this big fight it was normal.
I impulsively download the hook up app to see if C was on there which he wasn’t but then i had the Idea to try and log in using his email. He always used the same password for everything and I had because we would share streaming services. When I log onto the app, I see he had been texting N. N is my mentor for my legal fellowship. We work very close together and have to meet weekly. We also have a great friendship too. I call C hysterically confront him about it and i accuse him of sleeping with him which he instantly accepted responsibility. I was livid. I get off the phone with C and call N and N confirms they had sex the same day. N told me that C had been texting him for a week and half trying to meet up. And finally today N agreed to meet up with him and had sex wit him not knowing who he was. Also on his hook up app I saw he had been texting the same doorman he heavily fantasize about. I was full with rage.
N and I had been working together for couple months now and C knew exactly who he was. Although N didn’t fully know who C was. N just knew him as my boyfriend and nothing more. I was filled with rage. All love I still had for C left my body and was filled with hate and RAGE. I had never felt this betrayed in my life. So what do I do? I call him and start raging in him and confront him about the whole thing. I start calling his mom and brother to tell them about the horrible thing their son had just done to me. And like a dumbass, C tells them first before I do.
C finally calls me back and I tell him the most terrible things I’ve told anyone ever. He had confirmed everything I internally thought about him but refused to believe. C thought that he didn’t need to explain himself since he was no longer my partner. But he had shown me after that his true person. C doesn’t want to change and I don’t think he ever will because as soon as he got the chance he took it and fell back into the self destructive habits that hurt so many already. I ended up blocking him and emailing his parents and friends a long letter exposing him for all the shitty things he did to me in our relationship. The next day I found out my mentor had quit his job.
Now, I’m left with rage and I want to get revenge but idk if it’s the right thing to do. So here I am asking what do I do? Am I responsible for the failure of this very important relationship? Am I valid or am I just being crazy? Please let me know your thoughts below.