Gas ranges on sale near me
Bargains on quality staples and trendy add ons
2012.03.02 18:51 Bargains on quality staples and trendy add ons
A community to help you stay stylish without wearing out your wallet!
2011.08.06 22:49 Jofuzz If you live in Taft, California, this is the subreddit for YOU!
A subreddit for the reddit savvy citizens of Taft.
2013.07.09 16:25 KilowogTrout Oak Park, Forest Park, Berwyn, River Forest and the surrounding areas
A resource for the Near West Suburbs of Chicago.
2023.03.27 05:55 KoanicSoul Instead of family farm homesteading, why not plant a food forest instead? Put down roots.
Table of Contents
- Family farm homesteading?
- Soil depletion
- Lowland orchards
- Fishing for trees
- Apex warden
- Cult of trees
- Exit event
Let me preface this by saying that I'm a suburbanite with no farming or forestry experience. This is me pondering where I'd like to live, ideally. Someone more experienced can comment on the economics of it. This essay assumes there will be income from a job, such as online remote work.
A backyard is not enough.
Family farm homesteading?
The impulse to retreat from degenerate postmodernity and homestead in the wilderness is strong and growing. r /Homestead has 2.4 million members, and r /HumanRewilding explains why. However, my vague impression is that most homesteaders attempt to start a family farm. Great frustration often results, as one learns the difficulties of competition with economies of scale. The family farm lifestyle disappeared for a reason. My sources on this are impeccable. Things Homesteaders Say YouTube
The personal effort expended is somewhat pointless, since family farming is still unsustainable, particularly after a societal collapse. (Unless you're doing it the Amish way.) More importantly, Earth's ongoing ecological collapse may render intensive farming increasingly nonviable. The vertical line on the atmospheric CO2 chart alone has the potential to cause desertification, a sudden ice age, or just scour away topsoil due to violent adjustments in the thin soil-water-air layer that we take for granted on this spinning molten magnetic rock.
One wouldn't want to wake Jormungandr. Those pyramids didn't weather themselves. 🌊 JÖRMUNGANDR 🌊 (VølfgangTwins) Heavy Viking Music YouTube
What can one do about all this that is actually helpful and practical? And preferably enjoyable. If one's children slave away pointlessly on a hobby farm, they will surely not repeat the mistake. Sustainability includes intergenerational!
Permaculture is more sustainable than modern commercial farming. However, it still encounters the fundamental problem of soil depletion.
Animals avoid soil nutrient depletion by shitting where they ate. Humans won't do that. Farmers spray liquified shit on their fields, but it's chemical and fuel intensive.
Where does topsoil come from? Tree roots dig it out, then fall and rot, creating surface dirt. Forest is thus the ecologically-optimal land biome, since it efficiently captures water, sunlight and CO2, and moderates air temperature and wind. Reforestation is the best thing we can do for our planet.
Therefore instead of farming, homesteaders should practice forestry. This will be more fun for everyone, since forest homesteading is lazy. Trees require no encouragement to grow. They are quite competitive about it.
To make things easier, plant your homestead next to an existing forest, so that the full biome can easily spread to your property. Help it along by planting trees, and the rest will naturally follow. Birds poop seeds everywhere.
Erosion is a constant. Soil runs down rivers into the sea. Trees turn more rock into soil. As long as humans don't harvest too much, this cycle can continue indefinitely, powered by the sun. Humans Destroyed Forests for Thousands of Years. We Can Become the First Generation to Expand Them Max Roser
Lowlands have a soil surplus due to erosion. Intensive farming can recover key nutrients before they're washed away and compacted into useless sedimentary rock.
Therefore, lowlands are the place to plant orchards. Trees are better than crops, because it is still important to bind the soil, etc. However, the fruit can be harvested for human use without soil depletion, due to the constant influx. Spreading fertilizer is appropriate to compensate for soil nutrient depletion.
Plant trees whose fruit you can use. Why not benefit from your labor? However, a monocropped orchard is too artificial to be sustainable. Be random.
Permaculture gardens work on the same principle. It is best to live in a clearing, to avoid unfortunate dead falls. Surrounding oneself with a garden fed on compost is natural.
The best use for nightsoil is to fertilize biodegradable planters containing useful plants or trees. After sprouting, these can be transported from the nursery to random destinations on one's daily walk. It's a laid-back way to grow one's personal Garden of Eden. Such a cabin could turn a dryad green with envy.
Herbivores are attracted to lowland orchards, but can be driven off with household dogs, who create a buffer between wild predators and the homestead. Unlike guns, dogs cull prey by fitness.
Fishing for trees
Aquaculture is the last chance to recover soil before erosion sweeps it onto the ocean floor where light can no longer reach it. Time to get aggressive.
Fish are basically omnivorous, so fisherman naturally perform apex predation by simply tossing back the smaller ones. This excludes traps that catch and kill small fish indiscriminately. As long as the small fry and seabed are left unmolested, there is no danger of overfishing. The ocean is always getting more nutrient-rich soil, and planting trees only adds more.
Changing the local ratio of big to small fish does little harm to the ecosystem (starving whales are a distant issue to homesteaders). Human hunting of land animals is much more detrimental. Eat the fish, keep the scraps and plant trees with them.
Should one channel and divert water for aquaculture? I don't think so. Let the trees grab as much water as they can. Then the beavers can build dams out of them, if they manage to dodge the coyotes. Stocking ponds is certainly helpful, like planting trees. There is no need to feed the fish, however. Let the forest do that.
How should a warden hunt land animals? By acting as an apex warden.
Predators cull prey, preventing them from over-grazing the plants. Old and sickly animals are caught before they can be colonized by parasites and disease. Remove predators, and herbivore population explodes, overgrazing plants before succumbing to starvation and disease.
Apex predators sit at the top of the food chain. Apex predators in North America include cougars, bears and wolves. A warden's job is to cull sickly apex predators to preserve their fitness. Threatening humans is presumptive evidence of sickliness. The fur is good even if the meat isn't. The carcass can be used for dog food.
One can build various shelters that benefit wildlife, from birdhouses to lean-tos. Dugouts are prone to damp, but that no longer matters once the ground freezes. These shelters can be lifesaving for human and animal alike. Knowing the location of dens makes it easier to cull the sick and starving, whether carnivore or herbivore. It is also a good way to make friends with the gentler local wildlife, who will not refuse a winter treat.
Similarly, trees suffering infestation should be cut down and hauled off for wood. Trees are the "apex predators" of the plant world, which is a quiet war for sunshine and soil. Trees that offer nothing useful to humans are candidates for firewood.
Cult of trees
Woodland Indians practiced forestry (for subsistence not lumber), and I suspect woodland Europeans did the same. It's definitely a lifestyle, but adding some spirituality helps it self-perpetuate.
Treehuggers are nuttier than squirrels, and I'm no exception. Still, I think it would make a good religion. How about we call it Anastasianism
While I do not identify as a tree, I do feel a kinship with birds. Planting a forest gives our feathered friends a home. When you die, would you rather have a forest or a 401k?
While living off the land is fun, don't expect to turn a profit. Monetization happens when the property is sold after the value has increased through reforestation. By documenting the delights of the property while living on it, you increase both the price and the odds that someone who loves forest will move in. Why shouldn't a plot of land have a social media account?
If you like the neighborhood, no need to move far. There's always another patch of forest to plant. Alternatively, you can retire on your patch of paradise.
Reforestation and childrearing are the proper primary goals of homesteading. The rest is just lifestyle and capital appreciation. Learn the land, document it, improve it, repeat. The whole process builds towards the sale. Buy enough land that you won't get bored, but not so much it's overwhelming.
Here are the lines from my journal that prompted this crazy essay:
Must grow the forest. Home of the birds. [Nord home](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ayQk0HSTtY
). How to make the desert bloom? March the forest towards it. The [cedars of Lebanon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cedars\_of\_God
) can shade the Sahara. The Ent's Marching Song (Without Narration) - Clamavi De Profundis YouTube
Ironically, r /Forestry is mostly hostile to this idea, regarding it as fantasy. They are focused on commercial timber. Nothing wrong with a red neck, but it does come with some understandable hostility to treehuggers. If hippies wanted to help, they could set up their own permaculture forest homestead instead of spiking trees or whatever.
Apparently "food forests" are already a thing on r /SelfSufficiency:
Hail Sylvanus. Sylvanus, God of Forests Magic the Gathering
HutchK18 Interesting. I'm currently about 90%+ aligned with this… I think. I'll need to reread again later. And eventually maybe a 3rd time. I myself have 6 kids, and recently bought some raw mostly forested land. I've been planting hardwood trees and doing other stuff. I recently put in a stone road, planted an orchard (125 fruit trees… crab, apple, peach, pear, plum, cherry, mulberry, hazelnut, butternut, etc), built a pond and stocked it (bluegill, largemouth bass, redear sunfish, channel cats, forage minnows), and a 2,500 tree pine forest. This Fall I'm putting in a few acres of a pollinator planting fir the bees, butterflies, etc). Next Spring I'll be putting in a wetland, and vernal pools. At that point I'll have a creek, pond, wetland and numerous springs / seeps for water. Eventually Ill be digging a deep well. Then I'm thinking I'd like to set aside a few acres of the lower fields that have the good soil aside to start "farming" for food. I'm aligned with doing things like the Amish. I grew up in a large Amish community, and really appreciate their family culture and farming practices. They don't get it all right… but do a lot right. I view all this more of a lifestyle, and not a religion. As you mentioned, I'm semi-retired, working remotely for some $$$. I'm doing this "forestry" as a hobby because I really enjoy it.
Sounds like you're living the dream. That's a good point: Lowlands that receive surplus soil from erosion are naturally suited for intensive farming cycled with grazing and lying fallow. This slots a big piece of the puzzle for me, thanks.
Wells are great too; the water isn't doing anything sitting in the aquifer.
I've read that the woodland Indians practiced forestry (for subsistence not lumber), and I suspect woodland Europeans did the same. It's definitely a lifestyle, but adding some spirituality helps it self-perpetuate. Great to see someone continuing the lifestyle!
HutchK18 Maybe my post is in the wrong Reddit thread/section. My goal is not strictly forestry. And no, it's not to make money… I'm too old. Maybe my kids/grandkids will reap a little profit? I worked with the local county SWC office, who developed the plans based on my overall goal. This is a "long term" effort. All the "projects" qualify for cost share through the EQIP program. I have a local Land Management company to implement these plans. I'm clearly putting in a lot more money to "manage" the land than I'll ever reap in my lifetime. Again, my goal is NOT strictly lumber production, although that's part it. Although no trees will likely be cut in my lifetime. The goal is overall environmental improvement of the land for some future income, and wildlife benefit. I'm not sure why all down votes? Geesh, what a rough crowd.
Wow, great suggestion to cooperate with government conservation programs! Thanks :)
HutchK18 Always check with the county ag services when doing anything like this. There is almost always tax benefits and cost share opportunities. I've had a biologist, forester, and various other government employees out at no cost to me. They've help guide me as well as 1) conducted soil samples, 2) developed a woodland management plan, 3) developed a wildlife management plan, and 4) developed a wetland engineering plan… all at no cost to me. Plus they provide stuff such as a tree planter… again at no cost to me. I've still got to supply the labor to run it, but the use of the equipment is free. Look up EQIP (Environmental Quality Improvement Program) to get an idea on what cost share opportunities there are. Plus, get your land CAUV (Current Agriculture Use Value) designated for a tax break.
Lol, you've got the brain trust begging to play.
HutchK18 This essay speaks to me. I'm onboard with everything except the "tree hugger religion". I'm against that. I was deep into that side (member of all the big name groups… Sierra Club, Greenpeace, Nature Conservancy, etc…). Then I realized many of these have, to various degrees, a "no use" philosophy at their core. They view humans as some kind of parasite on this planet. My philosophy is one of "wise use". I'm not afraid to cut down a tree if I need to. This is our home planet. Nature is very capable of supporting us. But having said that, if we misbehave too much, we may not like how nature responds. But we are NOT parasites. Again I believe in "wise use".
Thanks! I agree, the environmentalists can get a little crazy. Druids gonna druid.
submitted by KoanicSoul
to SelfSufficiency [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:54 DoodlesTheWaffle Masters/Certificate in Graphic Design or Digital Marketing...which would be more useful for digital nomad career?
Hi! I am looking to take a little career break and go back to school abroad. My motivation for pursuing my studies abroad is to gain the life experience and also the cost of school is much more affordable than in the US (and student visas seem like a quickemore cost efficient way to obtain visas).
I have 8+ years of experience in sales/marketing in corporate roles, however I really would like to transition to freelance work and become a digital nomad.
I am debating whether to do a course in digital marketing / analytics to become an "expert" in that field, or graphic design, which is something completely new to me but something that I've been interested in for a while. I would love to work on branding, website design, logos, etc.
However Im just not sure if one makes more sense for the digital nomad life/freelance lifestyle.
Any thoughts input appreciated! thanks!
submitted by DoodlesTheWaffle
to careerguidance [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:54 liturgicalLorax Introducing gptty v0.2.1 - A Powerful CLI Wrapper for ChatGPT with Context Preservation & Query Support, Now on PyPI!
| || | submitted by liturgicalLorax to Python [link] [comments]
Hey Reddit! 🚀
I'm excited to share with you the latest version of gptty
(v0.2.1), a context-preserving CLI wrapper for OpenAI's ChatGPT, now with a handy query subcommand and available on PyPI!
🔗 GitHub: https://github.com/signebedi/gptty/
🔗 PyPI: https://pypi.org/project/gptty/ What's new in gptty v0.2.1?
📚 The Query Subcommand
: The query subcommand allows you to submit multiple questions directly from the command line, making it easier than ever to interact with ChatGPT for quick and precise information retrieval (and also has a pretty cool loading graphic). Scripting the `query` subcommand to pass multiple questions
🏷️ Tagging for Context
: gptty enables you to add context tags to your questions, helping you get more accurate responses by providing relevant context from previous interactions. This is useful for generating more coherent and on-topic responses based on your tags.
📦 PyPI Deployment
: gptty is now available on PyPI, making it super easy to install and get started with just a simple pip install gptty. Why should developers choose gptty?
🎯 Focus on Delivered Value
: gptty is designed to help developers, data scientists, and anyone interested in leveraging ChatGPT to get the most value out of the API, thanks to context preservation, command-line integration, and new query feature.
🛠️ Ease of Use & Flexibility
: gptty offers an intuitive command-line interface (running click
under the hood), making it simple to interact with ChatGPT, either for quick one-off questions or more complex, context-driven interactions. Plus, it can be easily integrated into your existing workflows or automation scripts.
🧠 Harness the Power of ChatGPT
: By combining the capabilities of ChatGPT with gptty's context-preserving features and query support, you can unlock a wide range of applications, from answering technical questions to generating code snippets, and so much more.
🔀 Support for All GPT-3 Models
: gptty currently supports all GPT-3 models, providing developers with the flexibility to choose the model that best suits their specific use case or application. This ensures that you can make the most of the OpenAI API and its various models without having to switch between different tools.
🔌 Planned Plug-and-Play Support for GPT-4 API Tokens
: In anticipation of the upcoming GPT-4 release, we're working on adding plug-and-play support for GPT-4 API tokens. This means that, once GPT-4 is available, you'll be able to seamlessly integrate it into your gptty setup and continue leveraging the power of the latest generation of language models.
To get started, simply install gptty using pip:
pip install gptty
Check out the GitHub repo
for detailed documentation and examples on how to make the most of gptty: https://github.com/signebedi/gptty/
. You can also see my original post about this here
Happy coding! Edit
. Please forgive the cringe worthy emoji use. My lawyer informed me that, as a python / pypi developer, I was legally obligated to add them.
2023.03.27 05:53 Psi001 Hot take: You can almost make Legends of Awesomeness into a good show.
If you trim out the worst episodes and rearrange the rest in a way that it feels like the story is progressing rather than inconsistent then a lot of what you have is actually okay as is. Like let's say you have two 26-or-so episode seasons of the better or most important episodes:
Season One (first half):
Most of the introductory episodes here as well as the majority of better written 'Po screws it up' episodes, meaning the majority of remaining 'bad episodes' are here. The Jade Palace has accepted Po but still barely tolerate him and he has let the Dragon Warrior role go a bit to his head as a bit of a character arc. (eg. Sticky Situation, Sight For Sore Eyes, Owl Be Back, Rhino's Revenge, Challenge Day).
Season One (second half):
Several of the role reversal episodes here where the other characters get caught with their pants down or make the same mistake as Po, leading him to cover for them. They show humility over this and thus come off as starting to bond with him. (eg. Chain Reaction, Mama Told Me Not To Kung Fu, Hometown Hero, My Favourite Yao, Monkey In The Middle). The season culminates with Enter the Dragon, which is one last ego trip for Po where the others are now more sympathetic towards him.
Season Two (first half):
The episodes with more camaradie are mostly shown here. The warriors are now closer and episodes tend to concern more introspective development. (eg. A Thousand and Twenty Questions, Crane on a Wire, Camp Ping, Huge). Emperor's Rule serves as a mid season two parter.
Season Two (second half):
Mostly made up of those late Season Three episodes that close some arcs or give closure to characters like the villains (eg. Po the Croc, Apocalypse Yao, Youth in Re-Volt, the First Five).
Add in some of the funnier episodes where they fit and you've actually nearly got a good series there.
submitted by Psi001
to kungfupanda [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:53 GoDz21 Is anyone sure that Chris did record something from the Self Titled album?
I actually have thought about it, and what i have just realized that Chris joined the band sometime near early 1999, like January or February, the same time as Jim, when the Santa Monica Pier photoshoots took place. then that means when Slipknot did returned in the studio to record Purity in February, ( not sure about Me Inside) then that means did Chris also recorded those two songs in the studio? or finished something else on the other tracks?
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to Slipknot [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:52 Talkless999 Horrible Nightmare during trip !!
So, after a long time, I saw a very creepy and scariest nightmare again. I am on a trip with my friends that was the last day of our trip in the mountains. we returned home one night before to a hotel where we are staying. I slept in my room from around 2 AM to 3 AM I saw a nightmare where I saw my whole body had been paralyzed and I listen to some sounds like someone eating bones and one hand came across my neck and this thing was like someone was press my neck and I had paralyzed around 40 min. I start to scream but one can listen to that sound. How horrible was it that someone was setting near my head and eating bones I listen to the crackling sound of bones. So, what do you guys think about what happened to me this is 5 times when I saw that type of nightmare.
submitted by Talkless999
to Ghoststories [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:52 ioa94 Garrett PowerMax GT2260s or IS38+?
I currently have a fully stage 2 MK7.5 GTI and I was looking to go for a turbo upgrade. I don't have any aftermarket fueling and there are no E85 stations anywhere near me, so I was thinking about upgrading to the IS38+ because from what I understand, not only are no fueling upgrades required, but there is no advantage to upgrading HPFP/LPFP/etc on an IS38 unless you are going E85.
Then I watched some youtube videos about the Garrett GT2260s and the common opinion seems to be that the 2260s makes slightly better top end power than the IS38, but only marginally so and has limited room for improvement. Normally I would just go with the IS38 but I'm afraid of power dropping off at high RPMs like it does with my IS20.
It looks like I can get the Garrett GT2260s and a stratified protune which will theoretically be tuned for my non-upgraded fueling setup for like $1800 -- https://www.stratifiedauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=1056
Or I can get an IS38+ turbo from EQT for $832.50 plus $75 for the IS38 OTS tune: https://eqtuning.com/products/eqt-is38-turbocharger
It seems alluring to go with the cheaper option, but given that this is something that will stay in my car for years and years, I don't mind spending literally double for a solid tune, good support, and a better turbo. I don't want to pay a shop to swap the turbo out again a year down the line if I'm dissatisfied with the IS38's performance at the top of the powerband compared to the Garrett.
Any thoughts on this?
submitted by ioa94
to GolfGTI [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:51 overtooken Constant dreams of girlfriend cheating.
I am constantly (nearly every night) having dreams related to my girlfriend wronging me. Me and my girlfriend are in a very happy relationship. Arguments are fairly minimal and always productive, we are together very often and we both agree there has been no loss in love and it is going amazing. Now i’m not sure if this is a good boundary in relationships, but we regularly go through each others phones. I have never found anything suspicious from her, and I trust her a lot. Sometimes, I get random gut wrenching feelings from just thinking about her possibly cheating, and it gets so bad that I convince myself that she might be. I want this to stop because I want to be better for her and I understand this is a horrible trait for a relationship to endure. My girlfriend is understanding of this as I have let her know about it, and she is sure to reassure me whenever I need, and allows me to talk to her about it without issues. The biggest problem coming from this is the dreams I have been having. She is constantly cheating on me in my dreams, and it paints such vivid scenarios that my mind genuinely starts to pull trust away from our relationship. How do I cope with this and better myself? Thanks :)
submitted by overtooken
to Advice [link] [comments]
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2023.03.27 05:49 Smurffies About being on the streets
I agree with you 100%. I'm living with my Mom and was living in the streets without a vehicle. 2 others would sleep in front of a Catholic church to get out of the cold win and stand in front of a gas station. We didn't even have to ask anyone for anything and people would show up and give us chips and water. I'm spiritual without any religion and 1 other was Catholic. Sometimes I'd be moved to pray with those helping us and simply because I felt good and thankful to be alive and my Catholic friend would join in.
When I last talked with my Mom I was crying because she was firm with her advice to just make money with my father and rip people off with him because at least I'd have a place and money. I told her I can't do that to myself and others and I laid down and cried on the spot. I was already were I slept anyway. 2 years ago I felt like talking to her but I didn't know her number. By some miracle I felt I knew all but 1 number. I had no phone, no shoes, no money, no extra clothes but I had jackets and we took turns wearing them through the cold nights. I decided to ask to use people's phones but this was 2 years ago during the height of COVID and almost no body wanted us to touch their personal phones. One Christian listened to me beg for his phone and I told him I might have to keep trying on that last number and I'm simply going on a strong feeling that I know her number. With patience he gave me my phone explaining he had seen me in his dream with my 2 friends and packed milk for us and left early to work that morning. The miracles continued and I did call my Mom and she was calling hospitals and morgues to see if I had showed up in any in the town she last saw me in. She had her phone in hand and saw a number from Gallup, NM and answered hoping it was me. I was sober the entire time we were on the streets and so were my 2 friends.
I'm a graphics artist and web developer but went into business with my father and one day decided to take everything away including my portfolio by changing the locks and ignoring my calls. Ran out of money and in the office was my vehicle keys because I walked to the building my father owned where we worked. My father's side of the family took his side including my brother and mother at the time. My Mom's side of the family was distant and never really knew us. After being excommunicated I realized alcoholism was so normal in the family that trying to exist in the world brought this issue to my face and I sobered up as my girlfriend at the time put me up. She wasn't planning to move in together but had a heart to do this for me. We were alcoholics together and as I started job hunting people in the market knew of my drinking problem and didn't want to hire me. At first I didn't know what they were talking about and denied it and my girlfriend agreed with me as I abused alcohol. I got a sponsor in AA and my girlfriend was not liking the new me. We grew distant and since I hardly had anything anyway she simply locked me out after convincing me to leave without the house keys. I was sober wondering the streets and never had friends close enough to help me at least sleep on their couch. My sponsor had moved and our little AA group got smaller until nobody was arriving.
I had enough to get by sober spiritually and my faith in a God of my understanding was tested. I never gave up hope and prayed more with all that I am as time went on. I was robbed my phone and shoes and the rest of my money and got used to walking around without shoes. Even today my Mom doesn't like me walking everywhere barefoot and for her sake and decency I wear them. I would apply for jobs to be paid under the table because when my girlfriend locked me out I lost my social security card and birth certificate. I would be a dishwasher here and there but 8 years passed without a steady paycheck and people would see us on the street and ask us to do odd jobs for a day. I'd buy shoes and get robbed for them and buy some again but it was usually at knife point and it became routine. One of my friends was actually an atheist but he didn't mind us 2 having faith and felt that when we're together we didn't get robbed so often. We decided to go to this forgotten park nobody went to and the 2 of us would pray all day and typically cry out to our individual Gods in our own ways. 2 years ago in September was when I got the strongest urge to reach out to my Mom.
She was living in a different state but I didn't know that and when we finally talked on the phone we were so happy to want to be in each other's lives. We had changed and she no longer had the same views and even though she still abuses alcohol I've forgiven her because she no longer repeats the things she said and did that hurt so much. She helped me get my papers back and her sister's daughter helped me with $300 to get a phone and clothes. I remember the first thing I got was a towel.
I was drawn to grow shrooms because I wasn't happy but I searched for help through counseling and realized what I thought was normal and my identity was a host of many things including PTSD. I simply thought everyone had flashbacks because everyone I knew had them but counseling let me know my true self is still hidden by the trauma. I understood then why ego deaths might be unwanted by some shroom users but I enjoyed what I felt the healing from them. After all they never repeated. The last mushrooms I grew was while living with my girlfriend and I finally continued 2 years ago when I moved in with my Mom. She assumed I'd just be sitting around depressed but she didn't know I was sober and was very happy to be able to fellowship with each other and I had a hobby I was excited to practice. Eventually I got into gourmets and medicinals.
Things are looking hopeful but I take nothing for granted. Today my Mom bought a new jacket for me and it's a windbreaker because the only jacket I owned was a heavy jacket because I'm paranoid of the cold outside. I'm still crying that I can receive such a gift from her. My involvement with the police would just be them passing by asking if we're alright as they shine a light at us and offer water. They got to know us that we didn't cause trouble and we weren't abusing any substances. Oh, and we hit up the soup kitchen by the Sisters on the days they served.
She doesn't have to say to me anymore, "My so, my son, don't lie to me Tell me where did you sleep last night? I no longer have to answer her, "In the pines, in the pines, Where the sun never shine I shivered the whole night through." "My son, my son, where will you go?" "I'm going where the cold wind blows."
submitted by Smurffies
to u/Smurffies [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:48 pixieinspace Possible prolactinoma [33F]
I have been having hot flashes for at least a year but didn't realize what they were until I had one around my mom. Went to my doc and she said it could either be a prolactinoma or from taking lithium for mental health reasons.
Blood test showed elevated levels of prolactin. Got an MRI and it showed two small spots near my pituitary gland. I'm waiting on a hospital to call me so I can make an appointment with a pituitary specialist.
A little scared but honestly hoping it's a prolactinoma (a solvable/manageable issue) rather than having to stop taking a medication that has helped me become more stable.
submitted by pixieinspace
to Prolactinoma [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:47 AyBruhBee OutMavericked
submitted by AyBruhBee to carscirclejerk [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:46 nogreennoblue 22[F4A] AL ain't it, y'know?
hi hi! thanks for clicking my silly little ad and giving it a read.
i'm a 22 year old young American woman currently residing in southern Alabama, unfortunately.
i'm searching for genuine people to talk to and i'm interested in seeing where it'll go. i do prefer people who live in the United States due to time zone differences; however, obviously, if we mesh, and we become something more, then i'm all for it :)
i like to think i'm charismatic and entertaining, but i suppose you'll have to be the judge of that. i'm a fan of traveling, environmentalism, puzzles, reading, and gaming (but when i say gaming, i mean like stardew valley and pokemon). there's more to me, but what's the point in putting all of it here when i can tell you privately!
i'm a fresh biology graduate and currently have a full-time job in environmental education. eventually, i'm pursuing a graduate degree, but in what... who knows... and where... who knows? i'm a traveling lady now! i'm hoping to visit 30 countries by 30 and i'm at 10 ;)
i guess i should put a little about my appearance: i'm 4'11, chubby, tattooed, blue eyes, and faded green hair. i'm in no rush to 'get skinny,' but i have been working towards being healthier - mentally and physically.
what am i looking for in someone? i just want to see where things go. these damn dating apps are mostly making me upset and i'm really not convinced i'll find the one near me. so, honestly? i just want to talk with some people and see how we vibe. age ranges preferably no younger than 20 and no older than about 27 just because of where i am in my life and where you would be in your life. have some ambitions! be willing to hold a conversation!
i'm willing to share photos later and my name, of course!
hope to hear from some of y'all soon! have a good day!
submitted by nogreennoblue
to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:46 Silva2099 Knock down drag off fight today…
This was going to be a comment in someone else’s post and then thought it probably needs its own space to breathe…discussion welcome. Mostly just sharing…not sure if I have much of a point.
TLDR; had a huge fight where I said our marriage was a fucking joke (I regret that) but it led to one of our best true conversations ever.
I had a kind of a knock down drag off fight today. I stupidly said “our marriage is a fucking joke” in the middle of a weighty argument where I wanted to revisit a discussion of wife’s violation of core commitment; week long lies and deceit about drinking…that topic is not really important for this.
So…we digressed, as you might expect a DARVO to do. She said, wait, and picked up her phone and hit record because she wanted to record why exactly I think our marriage is a fucking joke. I’m not proud of saying that; that was very wrong.
So she starts to record and I pulled off what I believe to be a speech of my lifetime. Calm and cool I recounted for her about six topics of discussion that I told her that were important to me where I thought my needs weren’t being met or even considered and that I would like to talk about them from the past 6 or 9 months.
These weren’t all at once, they were at different times, often at the end of a resolution of some argument I would say something like while I think we’ve resolved what happened here I think there are underlying issues that I think we should talk about or some other phrase similar. Id say now probably isn’t the right time, we probably aren’t in the right frame of mind, but when you are ready I’d like to discuss.
So, I said do you recollect me wanting to talk about X? Yes. Do you remember me saying I’m open to talk about this when you are ready. No answer. This is important to me because... one example I had requested that we cuddle more, repeatedly, that I needed to feel her touch to feel close to me. Important days for me to experience this are Friday, Saturday and Sunday. At the time after asking for some touch she scratch scratch pat patted me while drinking her coffee on a Saturday. Raise your hand in the audience if you both knew that’s not what I meant when I said I need more touch and affection and also know I’m not expecting it to lead to sex…necessarily…but that would certainly be ok. So yeah I repeated this pattern on sexual intimacy, spending quality time (when she’s not half in the bag) with her, participating in a regular shared activity, where will we be in 5 years, spending plan / budget, and the all important changing our pattern of how we fight…which usually consists of her giving me the silent treatment for 3-5 days until she grudgingly says she’s sorry with no details or amends and we sweep it under the rug.
“So you had the opportunity to talk with me about these topics, and out of a desire to not have you feel harassed I waited…and waited…and waited. Occasionally I provided what I thought was a respectful reminder that I would still like to have the conversation on X when you are ready. Not one of these topics did you ever bring up for us to discuss.
“So, what can I conclude. A) you heard me but didn’t understand how important these topics were for me. Doubtful as in a number of cases we had a repeated request to discuss further. B) you didn’t hear me at all, super doubtful because you have a near perfect memory for arguments, or C) you heard me, you know these topics are important to me but you aren’t really concerned with my happiness, or at least my concerns don’t trump your anxiety to have the discussion; ie you don’t really give a fuck and our marriage is a joke. Because marriage isn’t just about your happiness, it’s also about your partners.
Astonishingly, we actually had a real fucking conversation after this. I mean it was painful. But we talked about real shit in a way that we rarely, maybe never, do. And, also astonishingly, she agreed to go to marriage counseling which was always a hard no because her drinking will undoubtedly come up and she doesn’t want any light shined on that topic.
Like I said above, this is just a kind of story time share. If you want to give advice have at it or discuss. Or share your own, that’s cool too.
submitted by Silva2099
to HLCommunity [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:45 jhm-grose Shoutout to shmuckas's "REJECTS GUIDE TO GETTING FIT" for keeping me from being fat
| || | submitted by jhm-grose to DarkTide [link] [comments]
Two weeks ago, I weighed a hefty 160 lbs. Two weeks later, that has dropped to 154.
I came to a harrowing observation that I couldn't fit into my dress, because I had it tailored at 135 lbs. Since I don't have the body of Dolph Lundgren, I've decided to slim down to fit my uniform instead of retailoring it. I wasn't having a lot of fun with my initial regimen. I'm too poor to own and maintain machines, and there are no dudebro gyms near me, since I know Planet Fitness doesn't accept people like me. I needed something to keep me from giving up out of sheer boredom. I've seen the meme about jacked Dark Souls players doing a single push up after they die, so I thought I could form something around that. Then I came across this beauty. https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2929645792 Sample exercises, two out of twenty-one
Exercising is way more fun when it's because of a video game I'm playing. I remember the days of the Xbox 360 Kinect, and how many hours I logged into their sports games and the Star Wars game. This comes as close as I can to the experience without having to buy another Xbox 360, Kinect, and television monitor. Shmuckas has saved me from embarrassing myself in front of a hundred other men for being fat, and I regret I can only give him a thumb up on his Steam guide.
2023.03.27 05:45 wick14 [WTS] [WTT] Aimpoint LRP mount, Mossberg 590 rear ghost ring sight, Dawson precision DW PM 7 45 front sight Fiber optic, featureless grips
- Aimpoint LRP mount QD T2 pattern worked on my holosun 515 but switched optic for the SP5 $80 shipped obo
- Mossberg 590 rear ghost ring sight. Used for 5 slugs. Not a fan of the ghost ring. 70$
- Dawson precision front fiber optic sight for Dan Wesson PM 7 45 $35 shipped
- AR and Ak featureless grip. Ledesma and monster men grip. No screw for AK $45 shipped
Shoot me an offer worse I can do is say no
- HK mp5 mags
- Pmags for AR15
- Anything that may catch my eye
submitted by wick14
to GunAccessoriesForSale [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:45 Itsmyilife Waiting on a car to arrive at my nearest location.
I asked the sales person if they could have it there by the April 8th. She told me yes it takes 10 days for delivery but it would be there earlier than that. 10 days is insane being that it is 600 miles away. That was on the 25th. Should I not have my hopes high or do? I am driving a rental car and it’s due back on April 10th I want to be out of it and not have to pay extra money to extend it.
submitted by Itsmyilife
to carmax [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:43 InternationalPea6803 My (F20) girlfriend makes (21M) me feel trapped
I'm 21 years old and my girlfriend and I have been together for a little over two years and while I truly do love her I feel like I'm losing myself as my own person she wants to spend every waking moment with me and when I can't she gets very angry and starts yelling at me about everything under the sun with a lot of it if not all of it even making sense for example today before I left for work I was screamed at because I went to take a shower before I left and said I hate her guts and don't care about her because I take to long in the shower
I would say I'm a fairly social person used to have a lot of friends lost touch with almost all of them because every time I try to hang out with them even if it's just to go out for lunch I would be screamed at for hours on how I hate her and don't want to spend time with her and a lot of time I will just tell friends that I can't or that I'm busy or sick out of fear of her yelling at me for the rest of the day I've watched all my relationships burn to the ground (including my parents) out of fear of being borderline abused At work I'm yelled at everyday before I leave and if I go more then 30 minutes I will not hear the end of it for at the minimum 3 hours once I get home. I get off at 10 and once it hits about 9 I can feel myself start to shake dreading to go home
I have attempted to talk to her about talking to a therapist but that ends with her yelling at me saying how stupid that is and how I must hate her for even suggesting the idea Another problem she has is she will start screaming at me if l'm tired before her I can't for to bed before her which would be managed if she didn't only sleep for about 4 hours a day it does not matter if I have work at 6 in the morning and it was 4 in the morning I can't go to bed without being yelled and told her much I don't care about her
I've attempted to break up with her but she threatens suicide every time I've tried and I know a lot of people will say that but she will actually start trying to actively do it (cutting or taking whatever pills are near her)
I don't want her to die but I also want my life back l've watched my own mental health go down the drain just to keep her breathing and I really don't know how to break up with her without her doing something to herself (sorry for how long this post is but could really use a different voice)
submitted by InternationalPea6803
to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:42 repzaj1234 Have a meeting with management about continuing to WFH, any tips on how to approach this?
The software company I work for has set a target return to office date for April even though our jobs can be 100% done from home. We've been working from home since 2020. Myself along with other senior technicians have requested to continue working from home and management has decided to handle it on a case by case basis and setup meetings to discuss this next week. Unfortunately there are far too few of us who are willing to stand their ground which is a damn shame because they simply cannot fire all of us with the state of our staffing level.
I mainly have 3 simple reasons I want to bring up:
- Transportation - my SO's car broke down 2 years ago and the cost for repair was too much for an old beater car so we decided to downsize to 1 car since mine was just sitting there. We will either have to: shell out large amount of money for a 2nd car or take a huge amount of my day and gas driving my SO to and from work (her office is 45 minutes away from ours.)
- I'd like to minimize my risk from repeat Covid infections
- I'm simply happier and more productive working from home.
Has anyone here had success with these type of meetings? I'd like to add that I'm part of a severely undermanned two person department that would more than likely fall apart if I decide to suddenly leave. I've had a pretty toxic run with my current company, the only reason I've stayed is the good pay and WFH. I am financially prepared to quit this job if they force me to go back. I would like to have a job while I continue my job hunt though.
submitted by repzaj1234
to remotework [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:42 Remote-Plenty-371 Need tm8s to play with
I’m ps5 main horizon and want to play with people who have gunskill but also a brain. Solo queuing ranked on console is impossible for me bc of my teamates dying early or landing some where hot for no reason. I was 200 points off diamond and now I’m sitting somewhere bottom plat 3 near plat 4 I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong or why I keep losing points. I have a 4k and can do almost all movement tricks except stuff like mantle jumping which I find hard. It just frustrates me when I dont Feel like I do anything wrong. The only thing I do sometimes is over push or push by myself. I’ll play pubs all you have to do is be decent. I’ll only use my mic if necessary. add me on ps or ea it doesn’t matter - Ivy_on_60_fps
submitted by Remote-Plenty-371
to apexcompetitive [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:41 uncertainlyso AMD FY 2023 forecast (March 2023)
I'm curious to see how much my views change as the quarters go on. My guess is that I'll probably post a new version of this before earnings (my guess on the future based on events in the quarter) and right after earnings (did anything change given AMD's results and commentary).
- For FY 2023, I'm guessing about $7.6B and $2.2B in operating margin. Or about 25% growth vs FY 2022. I hope I'm underestimating here, but Cotter gave a target of 20%. Not exactly the cheery 2023 estimates that I was hoping for going into Q4 2022 earnings, but given the slowing DC environment, it might qualify as "good".
- My original expectations were that 2023, particularly H2, would be a big pivot point for DC sales. Unlike prior EPYC years, AMD's supply and product scope are now strengths rather than weaknesses. AMD has a full, strong stack vs Ice Lake and SPR. And for the first time, AMD should have a good supply for Milan/X, Genoa/X, Bergamo, and Siena across N7 and N5 nodes. Substrate was a limiting factor before, but I don't even think substrate will be as limiting as originally thought for 2023 and 2024 given AMD's securing supply, the slowdown that's hitting ABF providers + more of them going for the higher margin HPC substrates, and likely TAM slowdown. Because of the TCO and performance advantage and Intel's need to feed its alligators, I think Intel will struggle to compete on price.
- It'll be interesting to see how the MI-300 does in presumably late 2023. Outside of supercomputer sales, earlier MI series hasn't done much. But there's so much AI FOMO in the air and the MI-300 does look technologically impressive that maybe Q4 2023 or FY2024 is the first time we see a glimpse of broader MI traction.
- DC has its normal long-term risks like increased non-86 penetration / diversity of workloads away from x86, in-house equivalents, design automation, and an earlier and stronger than expected Intel comeback in late 2024. I've never assumed that AMD wouldn't have to compete hard for business.
- What bothers me more is the AMD's short-term shift from saying "strong visibility into their customer supply chains and things are looking good" to "cloud customers are having digestion issues in H1 2023, but they'll pick it up in H2 2023". Is there another shift coming?
- I'm a little surprised that the market totally shrugged this piece off in the Q4 2022 earnings call, but the stock had taken such a beating that I suppose the market was happy that it wasn't Intel. I think we're going to see some headwinds with clients trying to get more ROI out of their cloud spend, pausing in hiring or layoffs from CSPs, and just the hangover from bonkers infrastructure capex of the last few years. Unless there's a big drop in TAM, the hope is that share gains + whatever growth remains in the overall TAM can still power a lot of growth for a much smaller player like AMD.
- AMD's DC Q3 2022 YOY growth did slow down materially vs previous quarters. How much of this is a secular downturn vs a competitive response vs just a function of its larger base? AMD's Q4 2022 server market share flattened out vs Q3 as well.
- The 1DPC vs 2DPC controversy also makes me wonder. Despite AMD's assurances, I notice that Genoa is a bit of a paper launch vs. Milan which had CSPs like Azure and Oracle lined up on day 1. I'm guessing that the hyperscalers care the most about 2DPC and are waiting (I'm sure there's some digestion issues too). If AMD's BIOS solution for 2DPC isn't sufficient to make them happy, then things could get ugly.
- AMD is unlikely to ever get another opportunity like 2023-2024 for DC. Lets see what years of building up your supply, value chain, and product stack get you vs a broad slowdown. If AMD milks for margin, is too conservative instead of going on an aggressive land grab to lock in those sockets, or trips over this 2DPC issue, they will have wasted an opportunity of a lifetime.
Before, I thought that client was going to be bleak in 2023.But I'm a bit more optimistic on client than before. So, I'm upgrading to...bad?
- I'm guessing $5.5B in sales but after seeing how rough Q4 2022 was, I'm only expecting ~$600M in operating income. Q1 and Q2 will be the biggest margin suck. Even for an easier YOY H2 2023 comparison, those Vermeer-era margins won't be seen for a long while on desktop.
- From a sector demand perspective, supplier and OEM reports for Q1 and Q2 sound terrible with many in the industry looking to H2 2023 for YOY growth because of easier comparisons and going through inventory glut and the resulting pull-forward of demand. There is macro inflation / recession pressure on retail and B2B commercial. On top of that, client is the last Intel profit center stronghold that's still somewhat upright. Intel is going to fight like a wounded animal as shown by their H2 2022 scorched earth strategy.
- Desktop: Raphael is a solid product. However, it had a terrible environment to launch into, and I think AMD's ego got in the way. Their pricing strategy at the start was terrible, the platform costs were lousy, the X3D launch pre-empted their non-X3D launch for the high end gamers, and they were going up against a much more competitive, desperate Intel.
- If I were AMD, I would've gone for AM5 penetration over margin, but I suspect that given the large inventory bulge at AMD for new client launches, AMD overreached and thought that it could get volume and margin. AMD pricing quickly had to retreat quickly which isn't a good look. In this new world, a premium brand strategy will not work on retail hobbyists if your product doesn't dominate the competition. Luckily, the stock market is probably going to be forgiving on client given its well-worn story plus the new AI FOMO.
- I'm a bit more optimistic on desktop now. AMD will keep most of these lower holiday prices as their baseline. Platform costs (mobo + DDR 5) have improved considerably. The fog of war has mostly lifted from X3D launch, and X3D has people talking about AMD DIY more positively. Still going to be an ugly market, but I think AMD has come to grips on this new era with reduced expectations. AMD has a mountain of inventory to get through though.
- Notebook: The one chance that AMD has for client not being so brutal is notebook sales. Like DC, AMD should have a lot more supply relatively speaking. Unlike Raphael, Phoenix and Dragon probably have the largest notebook CPU edge over Intel that it's ever had. Notebook is their second most strategic market after data center and shares similar performance / power constraints that should play well with Zen 4. They have a compelling stack of N7, N6, N4 notebook CPUs on paper.
- AMD claimed 250 designs wins but that's across the 7000 series which includes Zen 2 - 4. RPL mentioned 300+ designs (not sure if this is only RPL). There's design wins vs quality of those designs which has hurt AMD in the past. There's also design quality vs design *volume* which has also been a weak point for AMD.
- One problem for Phoenix is that AMD's value chain on notebooks has historically seemed weak. There is no direct-to-customer channel like data center cloud hyperscalers or DIY desktop. I'm sure AMD has burned some OEM bridges too with spotty supply. And Intel is probably fighting especially hard here. Asus, who took big bets on AMD earlier, being predominantly Intel at CES is probably a good example of the fight behind the scenes.
- But so far so good. Early reviews, leaks, and rumors look to be where I was hoping AMD for the 7000 line would be (across nodes): pretty good performance with much better power consumption. I have especially high hopes for 7040U. Ryzen AI is very on trend. I'm very curious to see those initial use cases. It was very interesting that AMD is going straight at Apple with their comparisons.
- AMD really needs to build out their commercial channels for client. Retail is just too volatile to scale AMD to the next level. I think Moshkelani needs to be replaced with somebody with more experience on the commercialization side. Laptop product launches have been terrible for over two generations. Once the easy money of Zen 2 and Zen 3 disappeared, AMD's client performance was poor with Zen 4. I think AMD is being too cute on their segmented product launches which is doing more harm than good.
- FY2023 forecast: $6.5B in sales and $1.06B in operating margin. Q4 2022 earnings were a very pleasant surprise. Channel health does look to be improving.
- RDNA 3 launch is somewhere between disappointing and bad. Even ignoring the hype cycle, the RDNA3 launch was probably one of the rockiest launches that I've seen from AMD across the board in a while. The "we could've created something similar to 4090 if we wanted to" was especially sad. AMD's rapidly retreating 7900XT pricing is a bad brand look, but at least AMD is re-learning something about pricing.
- If All The Watts is right (oops account and tweet deleted!), then there's some hope for slightly better performance from Phoenix and Navi32, but I'm not counting on it (although judging by recent leaked scores, the results look relatively ok). I do think that RDNA 3 will sell better than RDNA 2 (if you ignore crypto sales which won't be around YOY) because the supply for RDNA 2 was so bad for so long.
- The one plus side to gaming is that the channel seems to be in better shape than PCs. Perhaps this says more about Nvidia's response in consumer GPUs vs Intel's in consumer CPUs. But it looks like they were a more obliging partner for AMD to clear the channel. The crypto-tsunami of used last-gen graphics cards doesn't seem to have affected the market that much so far. The more time that passes, the less of a potential factor it'll be.
- Su said that console sales tend to peak in year 3. PS 5 availability is only now good after almost 2 years of launch. So, the console market probably has enough gas for solid sales growth for 2023 and maybe a bit more. But the margins are low.
- Su was more reluctant to talk about YOY growth for H2 2023 vs H2 2022 given the strength of H2 2022. Still keeping my original forecast of $5.9B in sales and $2.9B despite this given the strength that Lattice and Intel PSG / Altera is seeing (assuming this isn't coming at Xilinx's expense)
- I've seen industry forecasts of FPGAs growing at about 15% a year. With my total ignorance of FPGAs + Peng's dreamy presentations, I'm going to say that I think people are sleeping on Xilinx's earnings power. I think their hardware as software approach + their majority market share + their being supply constrained and AMD helping out with supply will let them grow faster in those gigantic TAMs. Say 20-25% which is a big deal given those ~50% operating margins.
- Xilinx is probably the most real AI traction that AMD has. Let's see what it can do for the legacy AMD businesses via XDNA.
- If these hopium forecasts hold true, data center and embedded could make up about 53% of sales and 76% of operating margin contribution from the business units (ignoring Other). This is much more the new AMD which I think a lot of people, including asset managers, will have trouble wrapping their minds around. Client and gaming are still important business lines. However, I think that AMD's future growth will be more slanted towards commercial compute like DC and embedded. Those TAMs are growing, and AMD's competitive positioning is much stronger there.
- Sales range of $23.5B to $27.6B, but I will go with $25.6B. My earnings range goes from $3.23 to $4.12, but I'll go with an expected non-GAAP EPS of $3.66. DC update clipped my original estimates, especially on the higher end of the range. PC recovery + commercial notebook strength + 20-25% Xilinx growth would be the biggest source of upside. DC H2 2023 rebound story not panning out would be the biggest source of downside. I think the market overall has given AMD a pass on client for Q1 and Q2.
- I also think the market views AMD as a 2nd or 3rd shelf AI play. It isn't top shelf like Nvidia, but the AI FOMO is strong. AMD has enough AI plays to benefit from a halo effect on valuation on top of its current growth narrative. I think the AI FOMO is one of the reasons that AMD has managed to climb back to $100.
submitted by uncertainlyso
to amd_fundamentals [link] [comments]
2023.03.27 05:41 TheForceForGood Things I Cannot Say - I'm Saying Them (Part 5) TL;DR
I grew up in a religious cult. Carlos H. was his name. *This is not fiction
I am convinced I was born cursed, perhaps I am paying off karmic debt in this lifetime.
Carlos had been a middle school teacher in the 1960's and 70's in Sacramento, California. This generation of young impressionable minds had a significant number of fatherless children or children with negative paternal relationships. Carlos preyed upon these children, his students, and his "church" was entirely comprised of these children, and later, adults who were just like them. If you're seeing parallels to today, you should be. This is very real.
My mother had been one such child; her father was the son of immigrants, and a Jewish gangster from the Bronx, and her mother was a farm girl, and teen runaway from Nebraska and gang-rape survivor. This enkindled a deficit in my mother as she latched on to the first de facto family that presented itself.
We had lived in section 8 housing (where I was born), an apartment complex for welfare recipients and social rejects, a toilet bowl for all manner of societal ills, sort of an antisocial boarding school. This is where my mother had been living with her father after she had been released from Juvenile Hall (Juvie) - a jail for minors, when she met my father.
Our neighbor, Anne was a member of this religious cult. She coaxed my mom into this "family", and me n my brother by proxy. My dad and mom predictably split up, for just as Jesus had come to bring a sword to divide father and son, the cult had smoothly severed the bond between my own parents. This was not the norm as most of the families in the cult were intact. It marked my brother and I as literal bastards. We were treated as second-class-citizens. My father haplessly stumbled into my mother's hurts, and he was not sophisticated enough to deal with her emotional trauma, at 24.
Carlos had nearly 100 members to syphon weekly tithings from. Many of these families were wealthy. He was extracting 10% of their incomes per week. He had a tremendous amount of influence and power. He created a power matrix wherein everyone, no matter their station in life, reported to someone else, based on spiritual appointment. The entire congregation was subject to abusive tropes and toxic situations that doubtlessly left enduring heart-scars on dozens of people - it certainly left its poison in me. As a child I was subject to every child older than we and so forth on up to Carlos himself.
Children were routinely molested, emotionally tortured, savagely beaten, raped, and ultimately many of my peers are dead, due to suicide or drug overdose. Some of them are in prison.
Anything I was given that did not come from a cult member was 9 times outta 10 deemed demonic. I was continually forced to break my own toys and burn my own books because these artifacts were identified as a threat to my salvation and the spiritual safety of the collective. I lived with other families and was regularly being moved from household to another.
Often I would be woken up in the middle of the night, a large spotlight would be placed in my face and I would be badgered about what I was dreaming about, and thinking about, and told my thoughts were the wrong thoughts. I would then be mercilessly beaten, and on occasion it was so bad, I bled from my back, butt, and legs. Later on, I would be tortured in different ways that were far crueler than that. My whole childhood was plagued by daily physical violence from adults; I woke up to it, I lived with it, I went to bed to it, and I would be woken up to it.
Luckily I was never raped. However, many of my friends were, especially the males (ages 0-16). All the children I know of, that were, are now dead. Joey was the last. He died Jan 23, 2017; he was 36. Though Joey died in a bizarre way it still hurts me to consider that all of these human beings were so mistreated and they never had any luck in the end. Perhaps it is a mercy that they died early. It is hard to live with these experiences.
I don't know how I manage to get out of bed every day, considering how much I have to carry around, and still all the shit I have to take off of people in their egos on any given day. It's a miracle I am able to go out into this world and keep it together as well as I have.
These are my stories based on my life and in the spirit of the Tarot and the Major Arcana.
Until my next Bland Confession,
submitted by TheForceForGood
to BlandConfessions [link] [comments]